[fanfic] Winning
title: Winning
series: Harvest Moon Animal Parade
genre: Humor
rating: T+ for f-bombs
word count: 1,040
summary: Toby, the beloved Animal Parade fisherman is losing his company- and his sanity
Read it on fanfiction.net
Cameras flashed in Toby's face, blinding him every so often. He tried hard to keep his cool and face his adversary despite the clusterfuck of lights caused by the cameraman. Damn you, Simon.
"Toby, is it true that Haromica Fishery is being tried by Town Hall for illegal whale hunting and that your business is being sued for millions of gold?"
Toby looked right into the camera. "Look," he started coolly, lacing his fingers together and resting his chin atop them," I’m winning. My family has spent close to the last decade providing this shitty town with the wettest, freshest fish on this side of Castanet. I’m a pole and bobber shaped BAMF, man. The fish I conquer make Pascal look like a disfigured lobster orgy. Paolo tried to get in on my style, was like, “Dude, can’t handle it.” Before the fishing pole I was grabbing bass with my bare hands, because that’s how I roll. I have one passion, I have one desire: the sea. I have barracuda blood flowing through my veins. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not the Harvest God. They say that it’s not easy being Asian, but then again no one's ever seen me have sex."
"Alright then. Some say that your... odd and illogical behavior can only be explained by drugs. Is this true?"
"I am on a drug, it’s called green FREAKIN' tea. I’m not a man, I’m a mother fucking AROWANA." He stood up suddenly. " I’ve beaten these Magikarps with my words. Imagine if I’d used my level 5 fishing rod."
"Okay then. Thank you for your wonderful insight, Toby, I think we've heard all that we need to hear about that. What about those rumors of you and the Wizard, though? Can you clarify those?"
"I'm not gay, I'm bi-winning!"
***
Toby's state of mind was deteriorating. Ever since Hamilton filed a lawsuit against him about his defiance of whale hunting policies, Toby was slowing drifting further and further from sanity. Just the other day, he called a town meeting only to rant and rave about how fishermen DO have a soul!1!11
Needless to say, nobody knew what he was talking about.
Ever since then he'd been spending his days alone mostly. He talked to no one but his fish. Some nights he would crawl into the bathtub after filling it up with water and he'd sleep there, just like that. "I'm going to transform," he'd say to himself.
No one was quite sure what he intended to transform into, exactly.
But though he lead a sad existence, he seemed perfectly content. Although his family's business was being shattered, he got a simple joy in just sitting at the edge of the dock and staring into the ocean. That is, when the sunlight wasn't beaming off the waves, because if he looked into the reflection it would burn like a bitch.
***
"What's up, Toby?" Hikari asked as she carefully took a seat next him on the dock.
Toby only stared out into the ocean.
"I, uh, heard about everything that was happening with you. I just want you to know that I'm still your friend, okay?"
Nothing.
"I heard your interview... they all said you sounded crazy, but I don't think it was insanity. I think you're just stressed out, that's all."
Silence.
"I'll always care about you. No matter what everyone else says. Because, Toby, I love you. I love you and I want to be with you, and I'm going to prove it to you--"
"Hikari."
Finally the girl turned to Toby, expecting either heart lifting acceptance or soul crushing rejection. "Yes?"
Toby didn't move, didn't even blink. His eyes were fixed up ahead on the ocean. "Ever seen a shark's eyes?"
"I beg your-- excuse m-- what?"
"Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces."
"Toby I don't think that's appropriate for a rated E game."
"Anyway, we delivered the bomb."
"Forget what I said about sticking to you no matter what." Hikari stood up. "You're insane."
"Hikari," Toby said again.
She huffed, "What?"
"I'm going to transform."
Quickly and suddenly he pushed himself off the dock, and with a splash his body surged underwater.
"Toby!"
He didn't resurface for the longest time, leaving Hikari to call out his name dramatically and panic while a somber tune began to play. "Toby is gone. Toby is actually gone!"
"I'm right here, asshole," Came the Asian voice of Castanet's beloved fisherman. In the water was Toby, body bobbing gently as he waded.
"Toby!"
"But I have to go away now, Hikari."
"What? To where?"
"To somewhere I belong. Tell my uncle and Paolo that I love them, and tell Simon to go fuck himself." With that, the rejuvenated fisherman waved to the female protagonist and dove beneath the ocean waves.
We could have had it aaallllllll
Rollin' in the deeeeeeeeeeeeep
"Okay!" Hikari cried. "Someone turn this freakin' music off!"
***
Toby didn't know what had happened, only that he'd just woken up in an unknown place.
For months he'd been rolling in the deep, testing out the new skills he'd acquired when he finally transformed into a mermaid. However, this was not the seabed he was used to, nor were there any friendly coral reefs.
It was moist and dark and barren, so it could have been Renee's va--
"Hi there."
An odd called out to him, causing him to bolt upright and look around.
Oh.
What.
What was this thing.
What kind of demented creature was Toby looking at?!
"I'm Old Kappa. Nice of you to stop by. It's been lonely 'round here ever since my nice doctor friend ran away. Would you like to have some fun with me? I gots lots of cucumbers."
"Sweet mother of God."
series: Harvest Moon Animal Parade
genre: Humor
rating: T+ for f-bombs
word count: 1,040
summary: Toby, the beloved Animal Parade fisherman is losing his company- and his sanity
Read it on fanfiction.net
Cameras flashed in Toby's face, blinding him every so often. He tried hard to keep his cool and face his adversary despite the clusterfuck of lights caused by the cameraman. Damn you, Simon.
"Toby, is it true that Haromica Fishery is being tried by Town Hall for illegal whale hunting and that your business is being sued for millions of gold?"
Toby looked right into the camera. "Look," he started coolly, lacing his fingers together and resting his chin atop them," I’m winning. My family has spent close to the last decade providing this shitty town with the wettest, freshest fish on this side of Castanet. I’m a pole and bobber shaped BAMF, man. The fish I conquer make Pascal look like a disfigured lobster orgy. Paolo tried to get in on my style, was like, “Dude, can’t handle it.” Before the fishing pole I was grabbing bass with my bare hands, because that’s how I roll. I have one passion, I have one desire: the sea. I have barracuda blood flowing through my veins. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not the Harvest God. They say that it’s not easy being Asian, but then again no one's ever seen me have sex."
"Alright then. Some say that your... odd and illogical behavior can only be explained by drugs. Is this true?"
"I am on a drug, it’s called green FREAKIN' tea. I’m not a man, I’m a mother fucking AROWANA." He stood up suddenly. " I’ve beaten these Magikarps with my words. Imagine if I’d used my level 5 fishing rod."
"Okay then. Thank you for your wonderful insight, Toby, I think we've heard all that we need to hear about that. What about those rumors of you and the Wizard, though? Can you clarify those?"
"I'm not gay, I'm bi-winning!"
***
Toby's state of mind was deteriorating. Ever since Hamilton filed a lawsuit against him about his defiance of whale hunting policies, Toby was slowing drifting further and further from sanity. Just the other day, he called a town meeting only to rant and rave about how fishermen DO have a soul!1!11
Needless to say, nobody knew what he was talking about.
Ever since then he'd been spending his days alone mostly. He talked to no one but his fish. Some nights he would crawl into the bathtub after filling it up with water and he'd sleep there, just like that. "I'm going to transform," he'd say to himself.
No one was quite sure what he intended to transform into, exactly.
But though he lead a sad existence, he seemed perfectly content. Although his family's business was being shattered, he got a simple joy in just sitting at the edge of the dock and staring into the ocean. That is, when the sunlight wasn't beaming off the waves, because if he looked into the reflection it would burn like a bitch.
***
"What's up, Toby?" Hikari asked as she carefully took a seat next him on the dock.
Toby only stared out into the ocean.
"I, uh, heard about everything that was happening with you. I just want you to know that I'm still your friend, okay?"
Nothing.
"I heard your interview... they all said you sounded crazy, but I don't think it was insanity. I think you're just stressed out, that's all."
Silence.
"I'll always care about you. No matter what everyone else says. Because, Toby, I love you. I love you and I want to be with you, and I'm going to prove it to you--"
"Hikari."
Finally the girl turned to Toby, expecting either heart lifting acceptance or soul crushing rejection. "Yes?"
Toby didn't move, didn't even blink. His eyes were fixed up ahead on the ocean. "Ever seen a shark's eyes?"
"I beg your-- excuse m-- what?"
"Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces."
"Toby I don't think that's appropriate for a rated E game."
"Anyway, we delivered the bomb."
"Forget what I said about sticking to you no matter what." Hikari stood up. "You're insane."
"Hikari," Toby said again.
She huffed, "What?"
"I'm going to transform."
Quickly and suddenly he pushed himself off the dock, and with a splash his body surged underwater.
"Toby!"
He didn't resurface for the longest time, leaving Hikari to call out his name dramatically and panic while a somber tune began to play. "Toby is gone. Toby is actually gone!"
"I'm right here, asshole," Came the Asian voice of Castanet's beloved fisherman. In the water was Toby, body bobbing gently as he waded.
"Toby!"
"But I have to go away now, Hikari."
"What? To where?"
"To somewhere I belong. Tell my uncle and Paolo that I love them, and tell Simon to go fuck himself." With that, the rejuvenated fisherman waved to the female protagonist and dove beneath the ocean waves.
We could have had it aaallllllll
Rollin' in the deeeeeeeeeeeeep
"Okay!" Hikari cried. "Someone turn this freakin' music off!"
***
Toby didn't know what had happened, only that he'd just woken up in an unknown place.
For months he'd been rolling in the deep, testing out the new skills he'd acquired when he finally transformed into a mermaid. However, this was not the seabed he was used to, nor were there any friendly coral reefs.
It was moist and dark and barren, so it could have been Renee's va--
"Hi there."
An odd called out to him, causing him to bolt upright and look around.
Oh.
What.
What was this thing.
What kind of demented creature was Toby looking at?!
"I'm Old Kappa. Nice of you to stop by. It's been lonely 'round here ever since my nice doctor friend ran away. Would you like to have some fun with me? I gots lots of cucumbers."
"Sweet mother of God."