Fic: Box of Emotions 2/2
Title: Box of Emotions 2/2
Author: awkward_as_heck
Character: Fukami Retsu from Jyuken Sentai Gekiranger
Word Count: 3722
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After Retsu has an argument with his brother he sits in a bar and muses
Warnings: Angst
Disclamier: I don't own Sentai.
A/N: Second five prompts from table two from 10_themes
Prompt Six: Hate.
Like love hate is also a funny thing. People who didn’t look at him too closely would call him laid back as he accepted criticism with a shrug, hurtful comments with a dignified glare. He did meet violence with violence but hey, no one is perfect. Laid back however wasn’t a good way to describe him. ‘Doesn’t/Cannot be bothered to spare the energy’ probably fit better.
Retsu figured he could live with that as if he indulged every little niggle in the world from annoying ringtones to people pushing past him on public transport he would probably have as many anger management issues as Rio.
Hate could be a powerful thing if used correctly but so many people forget that hate consumes. He’d almost rather be an ice cold passionless bastard then open himself up for more hurt some days. The fact he didn’t have to make a deep emotional attachment to anyone held a small amount of satisfaction. Having learnt self reliance from early on leaning on people was difficult and in turn learning to let people lean on him was difficult.
He didn’t like being relied on. Simple as. As such Gou’s expectations were quickly dashed as he tried to renew his brotherly relationship. Retsu simply didn’t conform to the same patterns as fifteen years ago and Gou was left reeling as he tried to meld this grown up with the scaredy cat brother he had known.
Retsu did realise that Gou probably hated himself almost as much as he hated Retsu for growing up. It wasn’t rational but it was the truth.
Retsu was sure he acted some ways because of the abandonment. His relationship was built on the basis it wouldn’t go anywhere, minimal involvement because he hated the idea of his autonomy being broken.
Speaking of, his phone vibrated on the bar top. Another text. ‘Where?’ was all it said. Smiling he picked the device up and thumbed in the bar’s name. Hitting send with a vengeance he dropped the phone back down and took a large sip of his drink.
A little sex was exactly what he needed.
Mentally he inventoried the contents of his bedside drawer. Chewing the inside of his cheek a moment he cast his mind back to the last time. There were a few condoms left, three, maybe four and she always had some as well.
He hated the idea of kids right now.
He sighed. His major problem a lot of people had told him was that he was too cold. He hated society and the expectations heaped up the individual. Sure he had his friends, his job and his comrades and it was enough for him. The constant need to improve and expand bothered him. He was content enough for now, maybe it would change but he wasn’t in a hurry for it.
Rio was a person who hungered for change, who raged and beat people down. But for all he did Retsu couldn’t bring himself to hate Rio. In-fact he pitied him. To be so consumed by feelings on inadequacy and such an unquenchable thirst for power.
But hate itself was a big part of his life for a long time. Privately he had hated his brother for a long time, he was difficult for a long time, a headache for the nun, his court appointed guardian who raised him and his teachers who didn’t know how to reach the sullen little boy in the corner.
But gradually he had moved on, retreating from people and strong emotional ties. He spent time drawing in his sketch books, as his brother had always encouraged him to do. His Aunt encouraged it as it kept him out of trouble, despite the cost of art supplies.
He tended to play his emotional cards close to his chest, it had given him the confidence he needed to move in the highly competitive art world. By building his walls to hide behind he became alluring and mysterious, an enigma to the hungry vultures inhabiting his chosen profession.
He had done a couple of photo shoots and interviews in his time, they always printed the pictures of him with a languid smile or looking out windows, the light giving him an otherworldly glow. They had also retouched his photos which bugged him a little, but he let it slide, if someone only wanted him for his looks then he wasn’t interested. He did like a little intellectual company, many of the art critics he encountered were often a fountain of interesting discussion if you were the in thing that week. And he did have a following, how many of them were truly fans of his art and not the man they have seen and read about in the art magazines remained to been seen. He had a steady demand for commissions and people around him.
So hate wasn’t a big part of his life, as by isolating himself he was disconnected and he had to admit sometimes it got pretty lonely.
Prompt Seven: Depression.
Whilst he understood loneliness he didn’t really understand depression, it wasn’t such as wide problem as in some western countries. In fact he hadn’t even heard the term till he travelled to London.
Accompanied by his translator they had caught the tube to Camden market to browse the stalls when he had spotted a young man dressed in a black t-shirt with angry red cuts and pink scars littering his arms.
At his questioning she carefully explained self-harm and depression, listing the symptoms and treatment. He had found the concept strange and hadn’t really understood it until he did a little research himself, with the art show proceeds he purchased a neat little eight inch sub-notebook, got himself hooked up to the apartment’s internet connection for an extra 500 yen a month and soon found all the information he could possibly want.
He soon found all the information he wanted and moved on to other topics, concentrated on other things. He found himself snowed under with invitations, commissions all the thousands of things an artist has to do and see and be to build a reputation. Ironically since he had withdrawn and taken up Geki Jyu Ken the prices offered for his works had considerably risen.
Somehow though between the galleries, dinners and meetings he had forgotten what he was feeling, loosing himself in the maelstrom of self-promotion. Now with considerably more time when he was left to his own devices, he lived and breathed his training but there was only so much you could do in a day, when he was a full time artist he was either in the office or on location during the day then out at some party during the night.
Days off were rare and nights off rarer. It was soulless but it was absorbing and during that time he was content. When he scaled back much to the dismay of his fans and agent it surprised him how much he missed the parties, the company, the two-faced bitching. It was a complete change in his routine. Early nights and early mornings had been a shock to his system but he had to do it, for himself because despite enjoying the never ending whirlwind that was the ever moving art world he had to get out, he wanted more from life.
He wanted to understand his brother more, Gou had always been a big gap in his life that he had never been able to fill and by studying the art that had moved him so profoundly he could find some of the pieces that were missing from himself, to recapture his passion for art and for life, find true happiness not the false cheer he had found within the art circles.
The emptiness that had filled him during his early days as a student of Master Shafu had been some of his worst, but slowly he had found some of what he wanted, he found reasons to enjoy his art again rather than mechanically churning it out to the song of others.
He still felt lonely but he was feeling better within himself, happier with himself. Somehow though, he thought running his hands through his hair Gou had reversed some of that hard won peace.
It had been, to use the western term depressing, to suddenly have years of anger, loneliness, misery rendered null by the unapologetic reappearance of his brother, who stormed back into his life and started where he left off.
Gou didn’t understand anything about him, about how the effect his long term disappearance had left an indelible mark upon him. About how his current behaviour had pushed him further back in his shell.
He had questioned his motivations a lot since Gou’s reappearance, despite having Gou’s acceptance. It was a great pressure and drain on him as he didn’t want to give Gou a reason to look down on him, or regret giving his approval. He had to impress. But it made him angry, that his long absent brother could have such a profound effect on him, to question his choices, ones he had made happily, sure he was following the right path for him.
He saddened him how much he needed his brother’s approval, how much he craved the acceptance of a man who had been absent during the most important years of his life. And it angered him, he thought he didn’t need the approval of others, that he didn’t need to constantly prove himself to people whose standards he’d never maintain.
Prompt Eight: Anger.
Anger, he thought draining his tumbler for the third time that night was hard work. Over time feelings like that tended to fade as you move on or realise how silly it was to be angry in the first place. It was a rare person to meet, that could maintain pure, undiluted anger constantly, it was time consuming and soul destroying. He doubted even Rio could maintain that kind of rage for any given period of time.
The problem came with letting anger go. Even if it diminished it often hangs in there along with bad habits and the like. A sleeping dragon maybe although over some things dragon might more accurately be replaced with angry kitten, but then again who is keeping track?
He was angry at himself for arguing with Gou, not that arguing with him was rare. They often butted heads over silly little things like dietary habits, curfews and socialising, three things Gou had once complete control over. Once upon a time Gou could tell him to finish his plate, get him to bed by seven thirty on the dot and tell him when he’d be leaving his friends house. As such when Retsu chose not to finish his lunch, disappeared into the night wouldn’t bother to reappear till morning and made arrangements to see people outside of SCRTC had a tendency to provoke the protective parent in Gou who would hover around Retsu demanding detailed answers on why he hadn’t cleared his plate/didn’t come back till morning/spent so much time with vile sycophants who would drop him like a stone the second he wasn’t flavour of month in the art world.
Of course it was the first time in a long time that someone had tried to enforce authority over his life like that. His Aunt didn’t have to try particularly hard to keep Retsu in check and by the time he was in the orphanage the social workers were happy to leave him be as long as he kept to the rules. Since obtaining his own place he had lived his way, by his rules. Of course he spent most of the time at SCRTC where the Gekirangers had a special living block. Gou, Jan and Ran lived there permanently and there was always a room available for Ken who would often head to his father’s house after a hard day.
Retsu as much as he accepted the people around him for who they were craved his own space where his rules, his wants and choices were the only thing that meant anything. At SCRTC there was always someone around who wanted your attention, or didn’t want to leave you alone.
That bugged him a lot, sometimes he liked to forget that they were the world’s line of defence against the terror that was Kurojishi Rio and the Rin Jyu Den rather than being bombarded with questions about how such and such a move would be useful or how he wasn’t hitting the turn on his spin kick just so. He liked to compartmentalize. Clear his head and do something other swing his arms and legs artfully at a punch bag like he had been doing all day.
Gou had a lot of anger as well, especially over Rio’s betrayal. A lot of things happened that day, Gou became a wolf, Rio survived the fight with barely a scratch and Retsu was left alone. He’s was also angry with Miki over something around that time, but Retsu wasn’t particularly sure since he only caught the final few words. Whatever it was about they both stand by their choices and have agreed to disagree over the matter.
The bartender pushed another tumbler at him which Retsu immediately picked up and sipped. His head buzzed pleasantly and he decided it would be his last before he sunk a glass or two of water, it would be embarrassing to fall asleep since it would be the first time in nearly two months he would be getting some. Oh how angry Gou would be, if he could see him now, drinking and planning relations with a girl whose birthday he didn’t know.
Anger, he decided wasn’t such a big deal to him. There were better emotions, ones like joy.
Prompt Nine: Joy.
His phone vibrated again. Twenty minutes was all it said so Retsu downed the rest of his glass and requested a glass of tap water. Joy, was a good emotion, seeing the one person in his life who didn’t judge him harshly, who accepted him with very few questions brought him joy and he relished the feeling. Joy wasn’t as abundant in the world as it should.
The first time Retsu can recall being truly happy was when he graduated into the high school he choose. Not the best school in the area, that was a far more academic institution but the one best suited for arts. He joined the art club and spent many an afternoon quietly absorbed in his pictures. It was in the dingy art room that smelt of glue and sawdust that he painted the first picture he sold, ‘A swallow in the night’ for the princely sum of ten thousand yen from there an agent had picked him up almost immediately and within three months he had won a national arts competition and was on the fast track to the big time.
He wasn’t even eighteen by then. The university he had applied to said when he was ready there would be a place waiting, so he pressed on and immersed himself in the joys of partying till dawn and loosing himself in the sights and sounds of Japan.
Which he had seen, Fukuoka, Kyoto, the cherry blossoms in spring were a definite highlight and he’d gotten to go to a Geisha party, Akita and Sapporo, he got to seen many fantastic landscapes which took his breath away and he’d gotten to draw and paint them all.
Further afield as well, seeing wonders around the world, The Copper Canyon, Niagara Falls, The Eifel Tower and Buckingham Place, from a distance The Forbidden City, flying over Egypt and catching a glimpse of one of the pyramids. He’d even been sent to the Sydney Opera house by one client, tickets to see a show included. He’d seen so much and captured it all on canvass.
The joy faded after a while, the experiences felt hollow, he was doing it for someone else, not himself. The whole being on the job thing got to him after a while, which saddened him. When he invited Shafu to his last gallery he was quite ready to seek something more fulfilling for himself. As much as he loved his art he would end up hating it if he continued.
At first Geki Jyu Ken had been a struggle, but he soon picked up the basics, underwent the process to visualise his beast. At first the Jaguar surprised him but then he slowly realised it fitted him. Calm and calculating. He would practice as long as Shafu would let him working on every single step, perfecting his movements, making the most awkward of moves and skills graceful and effortless.
Joy had been to morph into the blue ranger for the first time, summon the astral form of his jaguar into battle, to obtain his first weapons, the tonfa, to gain Kageki and be proud how far he’d come, how deeply moved he had been by Geki Jyu Ken.
To see his brother again after all these years.
On some levels to see his brother alive had filled him with the most exquisite relief and joy, he no longer was the only Fukami left in the world, he could find out what happened to the parents he didn’t remember, have all his questions answered.
The first few days blurred into a haze of mixed emotions. When everything settled and he calmed down he realised just how awkward and complicated the whole situation had become. And how there was still so much he hadn’t asked.
He could figure it out later he decided he took a large gulp of the ice cool water and smiled. Somehow, he knew he’d feel better and more optimistic in the morning, somehow maybe he could get Gou to have a proper heart to heart and somehow it would all work out.
He sighed. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t but there were other things to worry about tonight.
Prompt Ten: Excitement.
Retsu finished up his glass and checked his phone. Five minutes.
He thanked the bartender, settled the rest of his tab, shoved his phone into his pocket and headed out of the dingy bar. It was almost midnight, by now; like he should be the rest of his teammates should be tucked up in bed, reading or sleeping, who knew? Gou would probably be worried as hell by now.
It wasn’t a particularly warm night but that failed to dull his excitement, he stood a few feet away from the doors against the wall passive and patient. He spied a ramen cart down the road, in the direction he and soon to arrive his companion would soon be heading. Splitting a carton of ramen before crawling between the sheets sounded like a good idea.
Some might call his life exciting and it probably was to the people stuck in the drudge of the nine to five but sometimes he thought this life was a long slog, sometimes he’d trade the training and the yelling and arguing for a quiet desk job any day. The excitement of being a superhero soon fades once you realise the hours and the hard work you have to put in for not masses of money and a frankly terrible health plan. Not many jobs could claim to be so hazardous.
He loosely folds his arms leaning his chin towards his chest. He didn’t think he wanted to do anything else at this point but he would be glad when the fight was over. Maybe he felt a little obligated to see it though but there were some things keeping him there.
The thrill of the fight, a violent dangerous dance were each move could be your last, where each move that connects could be your opponents last, adrenaline coursing though the body, a wonderful powerful sensation that left him feeling both boundless and human, whilst after all he was doing it to protect himself he sometimes felt bad for the RinShi he put back into the ground, hadn’t they once been like him, kenshis looking for fulfillment?
He put that thought out of his mind and hoped they wouldn’t disturb him tonight. Finding time when both he and his partner could meet was rare and he didn’t fancy having to leave part way through because Rio let something new out of the loony bin.
But Rio was far too simple minded at times, for such a powerful man. He was probably sleeping or meditating on victory or sacrificing whatnots for more power. Or whatever it was that evil masterminds did in their free time. Retsu laughed a little, being evil must soon get so mundane that they do all sorts of crap just so their life isn’t boring.
---
“Whats got you snickering snickerpuss?”
I look up and see her there, in baggy jeans and a fitted jacket.
“Nothing” I said, smiling “How are you?”
“Good, you?”
“Good” A lie, yes but I am starting to feel better.
“Lets get going” She says wrapping an arms round mine and pulling me from the wall. We fall into step heading straight for the cart.
After a little food and impersonal small talk we stroll to my place, its closer hence more convenient.
We race up the stairs, anticipation building, we both know whats going to happen and by the looks of things she’s even more eager than me. I twist the key in the lock with a little more force than strictly needed and we stumble over the threshold, kick off our shoes and shed out jackets hastily, neither of us are into wasting time, we both have early starts in the morning and we both want as much out of this as possible. I flick the light on illuminating her features properly for the first time. She looks as worn and pale as she did last time but somehow tonight her smile seems brighter.
We forgo slippers and skip straight to the kissing and groping, she had to stand on tip toe to reach my lips so we soon crash onto the futon and start tugging at each others clothing.
This is excitement.
And exactly what I needed.
Author: awkward_as_heck
Character: Fukami Retsu from Jyuken Sentai Gekiranger
Word Count: 3722
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After Retsu has an argument with his brother he sits in a bar and muses
Warnings: Angst
Disclamier: I don't own Sentai.
A/N: Second five prompts from table two from 10_themes
Prompt Six: Hate.
Like love hate is also a funny thing. People who didn’t look at him too closely would call him laid back as he accepted criticism with a shrug, hurtful comments with a dignified glare. He did meet violence with violence but hey, no one is perfect. Laid back however wasn’t a good way to describe him. ‘Doesn’t/Cannot be bothered to spare the energy’ probably fit better.
Retsu figured he could live with that as if he indulged every little niggle in the world from annoying ringtones to people pushing past him on public transport he would probably have as many anger management issues as Rio.
Hate could be a powerful thing if used correctly but so many people forget that hate consumes. He’d almost rather be an ice cold passionless bastard then open himself up for more hurt some days. The fact he didn’t have to make a deep emotional attachment to anyone held a small amount of satisfaction. Having learnt self reliance from early on leaning on people was difficult and in turn learning to let people lean on him was difficult.
He didn’t like being relied on. Simple as. As such Gou’s expectations were quickly dashed as he tried to renew his brotherly relationship. Retsu simply didn’t conform to the same patterns as fifteen years ago and Gou was left reeling as he tried to meld this grown up with the scaredy cat brother he had known.
Retsu did realise that Gou probably hated himself almost as much as he hated Retsu for growing up. It wasn’t rational but it was the truth.
Retsu was sure he acted some ways because of the abandonment. His relationship was built on the basis it wouldn’t go anywhere, minimal involvement because he hated the idea of his autonomy being broken.
Speaking of, his phone vibrated on the bar top. Another text. ‘Where?’ was all it said. Smiling he picked the device up and thumbed in the bar’s name. Hitting send with a vengeance he dropped the phone back down and took a large sip of his drink.
A little sex was exactly what he needed.
Mentally he inventoried the contents of his bedside drawer. Chewing the inside of his cheek a moment he cast his mind back to the last time. There were a few condoms left, three, maybe four and she always had some as well.
He hated the idea of kids right now.
He sighed. His major problem a lot of people had told him was that he was too cold. He hated society and the expectations heaped up the individual. Sure he had his friends, his job and his comrades and it was enough for him. The constant need to improve and expand bothered him. He was content enough for now, maybe it would change but he wasn’t in a hurry for it.
Rio was a person who hungered for change, who raged and beat people down. But for all he did Retsu couldn’t bring himself to hate Rio. In-fact he pitied him. To be so consumed by feelings on inadequacy and such an unquenchable thirst for power.
But hate itself was a big part of his life for a long time. Privately he had hated his brother for a long time, he was difficult for a long time, a headache for the nun, his court appointed guardian who raised him and his teachers who didn’t know how to reach the sullen little boy in the corner.
But gradually he had moved on, retreating from people and strong emotional ties. He spent time drawing in his sketch books, as his brother had always encouraged him to do. His Aunt encouraged it as it kept him out of trouble, despite the cost of art supplies.
He tended to play his emotional cards close to his chest, it had given him the confidence he needed to move in the highly competitive art world. By building his walls to hide behind he became alluring and mysterious, an enigma to the hungry vultures inhabiting his chosen profession.
He had done a couple of photo shoots and interviews in his time, they always printed the pictures of him with a languid smile or looking out windows, the light giving him an otherworldly glow. They had also retouched his photos which bugged him a little, but he let it slide, if someone only wanted him for his looks then he wasn’t interested. He did like a little intellectual company, many of the art critics he encountered were often a fountain of interesting discussion if you were the in thing that week. And he did have a following, how many of them were truly fans of his art and not the man they have seen and read about in the art magazines remained to been seen. He had a steady demand for commissions and people around him.
So hate wasn’t a big part of his life, as by isolating himself he was disconnected and he had to admit sometimes it got pretty lonely.
Prompt Seven: Depression.
Whilst he understood loneliness he didn’t really understand depression, it wasn’t such as wide problem as in some western countries. In fact he hadn’t even heard the term till he travelled to London.
Accompanied by his translator they had caught the tube to Camden market to browse the stalls when he had spotted a young man dressed in a black t-shirt with angry red cuts and pink scars littering his arms.
At his questioning she carefully explained self-harm and depression, listing the symptoms and treatment. He had found the concept strange and hadn’t really understood it until he did a little research himself, with the art show proceeds he purchased a neat little eight inch sub-notebook, got himself hooked up to the apartment’s internet connection for an extra 500 yen a month and soon found all the information he could possibly want.
He soon found all the information he wanted and moved on to other topics, concentrated on other things. He found himself snowed under with invitations, commissions all the thousands of things an artist has to do and see and be to build a reputation. Ironically since he had withdrawn and taken up Geki Jyu Ken the prices offered for his works had considerably risen.
Somehow though between the galleries, dinners and meetings he had forgotten what he was feeling, loosing himself in the maelstrom of self-promotion. Now with considerably more time when he was left to his own devices, he lived and breathed his training but there was only so much you could do in a day, when he was a full time artist he was either in the office or on location during the day then out at some party during the night.
Days off were rare and nights off rarer. It was soulless but it was absorbing and during that time he was content. When he scaled back much to the dismay of his fans and agent it surprised him how much he missed the parties, the company, the two-faced bitching. It was a complete change in his routine. Early nights and early mornings had been a shock to his system but he had to do it, for himself because despite enjoying the never ending whirlwind that was the ever moving art world he had to get out, he wanted more from life.
He wanted to understand his brother more, Gou had always been a big gap in his life that he had never been able to fill and by studying the art that had moved him so profoundly he could find some of the pieces that were missing from himself, to recapture his passion for art and for life, find true happiness not the false cheer he had found within the art circles.
The emptiness that had filled him during his early days as a student of Master Shafu had been some of his worst, but slowly he had found some of what he wanted, he found reasons to enjoy his art again rather than mechanically churning it out to the song of others.
He still felt lonely but he was feeling better within himself, happier with himself. Somehow though, he thought running his hands through his hair Gou had reversed some of that hard won peace.
It had been, to use the western term depressing, to suddenly have years of anger, loneliness, misery rendered null by the unapologetic reappearance of his brother, who stormed back into his life and started where he left off.
Gou didn’t understand anything about him, about how the effect his long term disappearance had left an indelible mark upon him. About how his current behaviour had pushed him further back in his shell.
He had questioned his motivations a lot since Gou’s reappearance, despite having Gou’s acceptance. It was a great pressure and drain on him as he didn’t want to give Gou a reason to look down on him, or regret giving his approval. He had to impress. But it made him angry, that his long absent brother could have such a profound effect on him, to question his choices, ones he had made happily, sure he was following the right path for him.
He saddened him how much he needed his brother’s approval, how much he craved the acceptance of a man who had been absent during the most important years of his life. And it angered him, he thought he didn’t need the approval of others, that he didn’t need to constantly prove himself to people whose standards he’d never maintain.
Prompt Eight: Anger.
Anger, he thought draining his tumbler for the third time that night was hard work. Over time feelings like that tended to fade as you move on or realise how silly it was to be angry in the first place. It was a rare person to meet, that could maintain pure, undiluted anger constantly, it was time consuming and soul destroying. He doubted even Rio could maintain that kind of rage for any given period of time.
The problem came with letting anger go. Even if it diminished it often hangs in there along with bad habits and the like. A sleeping dragon maybe although over some things dragon might more accurately be replaced with angry kitten, but then again who is keeping track?
He was angry at himself for arguing with Gou, not that arguing with him was rare. They often butted heads over silly little things like dietary habits, curfews and socialising, three things Gou had once complete control over. Once upon a time Gou could tell him to finish his plate, get him to bed by seven thirty on the dot and tell him when he’d be leaving his friends house. As such when Retsu chose not to finish his lunch, disappeared into the night wouldn’t bother to reappear till morning and made arrangements to see people outside of SCRTC had a tendency to provoke the protective parent in Gou who would hover around Retsu demanding detailed answers on why he hadn’t cleared his plate/didn’t come back till morning/spent so much time with vile sycophants who would drop him like a stone the second he wasn’t flavour of month in the art world.
Of course it was the first time in a long time that someone had tried to enforce authority over his life like that. His Aunt didn’t have to try particularly hard to keep Retsu in check and by the time he was in the orphanage the social workers were happy to leave him be as long as he kept to the rules. Since obtaining his own place he had lived his way, by his rules. Of course he spent most of the time at SCRTC where the Gekirangers had a special living block. Gou, Jan and Ran lived there permanently and there was always a room available for Ken who would often head to his father’s house after a hard day.
Retsu as much as he accepted the people around him for who they were craved his own space where his rules, his wants and choices were the only thing that meant anything. At SCRTC there was always someone around who wanted your attention, or didn’t want to leave you alone.
That bugged him a lot, sometimes he liked to forget that they were the world’s line of defence against the terror that was Kurojishi Rio and the Rin Jyu Den rather than being bombarded with questions about how such and such a move would be useful or how he wasn’t hitting the turn on his spin kick just so. He liked to compartmentalize. Clear his head and do something other swing his arms and legs artfully at a punch bag like he had been doing all day.
Gou had a lot of anger as well, especially over Rio’s betrayal. A lot of things happened that day, Gou became a wolf, Rio survived the fight with barely a scratch and Retsu was left alone. He’s was also angry with Miki over something around that time, but Retsu wasn’t particularly sure since he only caught the final few words. Whatever it was about they both stand by their choices and have agreed to disagree over the matter.
The bartender pushed another tumbler at him which Retsu immediately picked up and sipped. His head buzzed pleasantly and he decided it would be his last before he sunk a glass or two of water, it would be embarrassing to fall asleep since it would be the first time in nearly two months he would be getting some. Oh how angry Gou would be, if he could see him now, drinking and planning relations with a girl whose birthday he didn’t know.
Anger, he decided wasn’t such a big deal to him. There were better emotions, ones like joy.
Prompt Nine: Joy.
His phone vibrated again. Twenty minutes was all it said so Retsu downed the rest of his glass and requested a glass of tap water. Joy, was a good emotion, seeing the one person in his life who didn’t judge him harshly, who accepted him with very few questions brought him joy and he relished the feeling. Joy wasn’t as abundant in the world as it should.
The first time Retsu can recall being truly happy was when he graduated into the high school he choose. Not the best school in the area, that was a far more academic institution but the one best suited for arts. He joined the art club and spent many an afternoon quietly absorbed in his pictures. It was in the dingy art room that smelt of glue and sawdust that he painted the first picture he sold, ‘A swallow in the night’ for the princely sum of ten thousand yen from there an agent had picked him up almost immediately and within three months he had won a national arts competition and was on the fast track to the big time.
He wasn’t even eighteen by then. The university he had applied to said when he was ready there would be a place waiting, so he pressed on and immersed himself in the joys of partying till dawn and loosing himself in the sights and sounds of Japan.
Which he had seen, Fukuoka, Kyoto, the cherry blossoms in spring were a definite highlight and he’d gotten to go to a Geisha party, Akita and Sapporo, he got to seen many fantastic landscapes which took his breath away and he’d gotten to draw and paint them all.
Further afield as well, seeing wonders around the world, The Copper Canyon, Niagara Falls, The Eifel Tower and Buckingham Place, from a distance The Forbidden City, flying over Egypt and catching a glimpse of one of the pyramids. He’d even been sent to the Sydney Opera house by one client, tickets to see a show included. He’d seen so much and captured it all on canvass.
The joy faded after a while, the experiences felt hollow, he was doing it for someone else, not himself. The whole being on the job thing got to him after a while, which saddened him. When he invited Shafu to his last gallery he was quite ready to seek something more fulfilling for himself. As much as he loved his art he would end up hating it if he continued.
At first Geki Jyu Ken had been a struggle, but he soon picked up the basics, underwent the process to visualise his beast. At first the Jaguar surprised him but then he slowly realised it fitted him. Calm and calculating. He would practice as long as Shafu would let him working on every single step, perfecting his movements, making the most awkward of moves and skills graceful and effortless.
Joy had been to morph into the blue ranger for the first time, summon the astral form of his jaguar into battle, to obtain his first weapons, the tonfa, to gain Kageki and be proud how far he’d come, how deeply moved he had been by Geki Jyu Ken.
To see his brother again after all these years.
On some levels to see his brother alive had filled him with the most exquisite relief and joy, he no longer was the only Fukami left in the world, he could find out what happened to the parents he didn’t remember, have all his questions answered.
The first few days blurred into a haze of mixed emotions. When everything settled and he calmed down he realised just how awkward and complicated the whole situation had become. And how there was still so much he hadn’t asked.
He could figure it out later he decided he took a large gulp of the ice cool water and smiled. Somehow, he knew he’d feel better and more optimistic in the morning, somehow maybe he could get Gou to have a proper heart to heart and somehow it would all work out.
He sighed. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t but there were other things to worry about tonight.
Prompt Ten: Excitement.
Retsu finished up his glass and checked his phone. Five minutes.
He thanked the bartender, settled the rest of his tab, shoved his phone into his pocket and headed out of the dingy bar. It was almost midnight, by now; like he should be the rest of his teammates should be tucked up in bed, reading or sleeping, who knew? Gou would probably be worried as hell by now.
It wasn’t a particularly warm night but that failed to dull his excitement, he stood a few feet away from the doors against the wall passive and patient. He spied a ramen cart down the road, in the direction he and soon to arrive his companion would soon be heading. Splitting a carton of ramen before crawling between the sheets sounded like a good idea.
Some might call his life exciting and it probably was to the people stuck in the drudge of the nine to five but sometimes he thought this life was a long slog, sometimes he’d trade the training and the yelling and arguing for a quiet desk job any day. The excitement of being a superhero soon fades once you realise the hours and the hard work you have to put in for not masses of money and a frankly terrible health plan. Not many jobs could claim to be so hazardous.
He loosely folds his arms leaning his chin towards his chest. He didn’t think he wanted to do anything else at this point but he would be glad when the fight was over. Maybe he felt a little obligated to see it though but there were some things keeping him there.
The thrill of the fight, a violent dangerous dance were each move could be your last, where each move that connects could be your opponents last, adrenaline coursing though the body, a wonderful powerful sensation that left him feeling both boundless and human, whilst after all he was doing it to protect himself he sometimes felt bad for the RinShi he put back into the ground, hadn’t they once been like him, kenshis looking for fulfillment?
He put that thought out of his mind and hoped they wouldn’t disturb him tonight. Finding time when both he and his partner could meet was rare and he didn’t fancy having to leave part way through because Rio let something new out of the loony bin.
But Rio was far too simple minded at times, for such a powerful man. He was probably sleeping or meditating on victory or sacrificing whatnots for more power. Or whatever it was that evil masterminds did in their free time. Retsu laughed a little, being evil must soon get so mundane that they do all sorts of crap just so their life isn’t boring.
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“Whats got you snickering snickerpuss?”
I look up and see her there, in baggy jeans and a fitted jacket.
“Nothing” I said, smiling “How are you?”
“Good, you?”
“Good” A lie, yes but I am starting to feel better.
“Lets get going” She says wrapping an arms round mine and pulling me from the wall. We fall into step heading straight for the cart.
After a little food and impersonal small talk we stroll to my place, its closer hence more convenient.
We race up the stairs, anticipation building, we both know whats going to happen and by the looks of things she’s even more eager than me. I twist the key in the lock with a little more force than strictly needed and we stumble over the threshold, kick off our shoes and shed out jackets hastily, neither of us are into wasting time, we both have early starts in the morning and we both want as much out of this as possible. I flick the light on illuminating her features properly for the first time. She looks as worn and pale as she did last time but somehow tonight her smile seems brighter.
We forgo slippers and skip straight to the kissing and groping, she had to stand on tip toe to reach my lips so we soon crash onto the futon and start tugging at each others clothing.
This is excitement.
And exactly what I needed.