Lover I Don’t Have To Love [A Bright Eyes, JongLuna songfic]
Title: Lover I Don’t Have To Love [A Bright Eyes, JongLuna songfic]
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jonghyun(shinee)/Luna(f(x))
Summary AU. Luna is a pretty little singer who lives in the protective bubble created by her parents before running away to live with Amber, where she meets Jonghyun, the boy previously expelled from her school.
I picked you out,
Of a crowd and talked to you.
Said I liked your shoes,
You said, "Thanks, Can I follow you?"
They’re the most dysfunctional couple anyone’s ever heard of, because they’re not really a couple at all.
So it's up the stairs,
And out of view.
They’ve known eachother for years of course, she’s three years apart but Luna was brilliant and talented and she ended up being able to skip grades until she was just a year below him. If it wasn’t her voice being praised at one assembly or another it was seeing her hanging out with Jessica’s-his on and off girlfriend-little sister, Luna was always around. When you’re in the same city for so long eventually you start to know things about each other.
No prying eyes.
I poured some wine.
I asked your name;
Unfortunately Luna knew about Jonghyun too, although the circumstances were different. She remembered seeing him dragged down the hallway by his studded jacket, a smoke bomb going off when they were in middle school, then the smell of pot in high school, and a flash of a knife against their teacher’s throat in her sophomore year. Luna didn’t see him so much after that.
It was only occasional glimpses of the blonde rebel at Krystal’s house that brought Jonghyun back into Luna’s life.
He never particularly cared about her; she was too good, too boring, too untouchable, her life controlled by her family, every step for the rest of her life planned out by the school system and her parents. Hell, up until her junior year the most rebellious thing that she had done was dye her hair without her parents permission.
On that same token Jonghyun was actually quite surreal to the younger girl. He was rebellious without purpose, angry for reasons she didn’t understand, especially not from the box that her life existed in. A few of his friends said that he had an amazing voice and wrote often, but the only thing that she saw when Jonghyun came into view was his loud hair, excessive piercings and cigarette between his lips.
You asked the time
It was midway through her senior year when Luna finally cracked.
There is a song that says there’s beauty in the background, and the poor girl, unfortunately was the personification of that cliché. She stood on the stage at a winter assembly, dressed in a ghastly furry outfit which itched--she didn’t even like white for fucksake-singing a cheesy song that she didn’t like when she just wanted to be with her friends in the audience goofing off and sneak texting, and instead she was dressed like a snow angel in heels that hurt her feet when she, for lack of a better phrase…broke down. Mid way to a particularly high note-which always hurt her annoyed her but of course she never said so-she yelled, ripping her heels of her feet and throwing them towards her parents as she smeared the white and blue sparkly make up from her face.
The abomination that was her furry coat was next, and she was tugging her fingers through curls and smelly hairspray, obscenities that no one had ever heard from the petite girl before ringing out loudly among the stunned audience and she was yelling phrases like I don’t want to sing for the rest of my goddamn life, I never really have you know! and I really don’t like the color white, or baby blue, or sparkly shit, and you know what? I don’t like fuzzy shit or-I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THIS.
She was storming off the stage before they could stop her.
Unfortunately she didn’t have much thought behind this, and found herself getting on the first bus she found looking like a Disney Princess reject. Fortunately, Amber didn’t care.
Now it's two o'clock.
The club is closed,
We're up the block.
Your hands on me,
Pressing hard against your jeans,
Your tongue in my mouth,
Trying to keep the words from coming out.
Amber the freespirited girl with chopped off hair who hardly ever wore makeup was the most beautiful, mindblowing thing to enter Luna’s little world-that was quickly expanding-Amber took the shell Luna had lived in her entire life and slammed it against a rock until it broke.
She lived in a oddly large apartment that had more people coming in and out of it than seemed safe, but it became home for her. The Chinese girl introduced her to all kinds of things, rapping, beatboxing, DJing, baggy hip-hop style clothes, making your own life, and alcohol.
Oh yeah, and clubs, the clubs were great. The clubs had Jonghyun, who was everywhere at once. Jonghyun was like the hot girl with her cleavage in view but not hanging out, the one who swaggered into the club with sexy boots that she could still kick your ass in. He never paid to get in, never paid for drinks, and could be found getting-or hell, giving a lap dance on random couches-and somehow kept their street cred.
You didn't care to know.
Who else may have been you before.
So you’ve been dancing with Jonghyun a lot lately Amber asks her one day idly while looking through old records like other people look at bibles.
Yeah he’s pretty cool Luna says casually, following in her wake as she often is, she’s known the older girl six months now and is no longer as intimidated. For the most part.
He’s a pretty cool slut, you know, if you like that sort of thing. The words drop from her mouth as if they were nothing, and to the aspiring rapper they really weren’t. To anyone else the words might’ve seemed rude, but Luna knew her; Amber didn’t care that Jonghyun was a slut, hell the two traded stories about their various conquests and mishaps. It was a warning, know what you’re getting into, do whatever you want but be ready for what happens after, be cool.
I’m pickin’ up what you’re throwing down Pumpkin, don’t get involved with a hoe expecting a cuddlebuddy. Got it She laughed while smirking at her friend, expecting the friendly punch in her arm she always got for calling her the nickname she had earned after a language slipup.
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here,
But I'm not sure.
It was okay though, that Jonghyun didn’t love her, she didn’t want him to love her. Even to herself she was still the Disney reject, the poor little songbird that fell from the tree and everyone looked down on her with pity. Luna didn’t need love, she had been loved all of her life, admired, looked at with wide respect filled eyes.
She was like a stupid fucking porcelain doll that everyone admired from afar.
Talented, kind, popular, beautiful, and utterly untouchable. It was like she had tons of people around her with a little bubble that kept others from getting too close.
She had to be sweet, she had to be complacent, had to maintain a strict diet and exercise regimen for competitions, various pageants that her parents forced her to go to.
She was Luna, but had never gotten the chance to really be Luna.
Everyone wanted to be close to her because of her outside layers. A bright smile and a dainty laugh, and perfectly applied makeup are all anyone saw.
Luna is going to be a singer. A wonderful mother. Such a wonderful daughter in law. So kind. So stylish. Her hair is so perfect. Listen to that voice; it could bring tears to my eyes.
Jonghyun didn’t care about all that.
But I'm not sure.
I've got the money
If you've got the time.
You said, "It feels good."
I said "I'll give it a try."
Calloused hands sneaking up her side to slip under her shirt, his teeth gently digging into the juncture of her neck as her nails scrap against his scalp and tugging on his hair as her head tilts back onto his shoulder, their hips moving to the beat that resonated throughout the club.
Her eyes are fluttering closed, her lip caught between her teeth and he knows the moment is right for his hand to sneak farther up her skin, her muscles twitching from the feather like brush of his hand against her flesh. He can feel her body tense as he cups her breast, the heat causing his breath to hitch, but her body tensed, eyes suddenly open wide.
I wanna hear your pretty voice screaming my name A sharp intake of breath and her head was farther back on his shoulder, her chest pressing farther into his hand while her hips pressed back into his and his mouth was suddenly on her neck, sucking the flesh into his mouth with vigor. Talented fingers massaging the inside of her hipbones and he felt her heartrate increase, a pleased smirk crossing his face as her hand tightened in his hair and left him wondering if Amber told him that he had a thing for his hair being fucked with.
Jonghyun… Another smirk at her quiet, breathy moan that he wouldn’t have been able to hear if her mouth wasn’t so close to his ear.
Close love, Without warning his teeth were grazing her ear as he pulled her away just slightly, his tongue brushing the shell of her ear, why don’t you come home with me so we can get that just a little, his hand brushed over the oh so sensitive juncture between her thighs, louder.
Bad actors, with bad habits...
Some sad singers, they just play tragic.
And the phone's ringing.
And the van's leaving.
Let's just keep touching.
Let's just keep...keep singing.
Jonghyun was everything he promised, everything the rumors said he was. She must’ve been especially amazing because he even let her stay in his bed until the sun rose and they both woke up from the glare of the sun and the vibrating of her phone.
Amber had to come get her because even though the two had been sober when they left the club Luna wasn’t even sure what side of town she was on. Amber’s apprehension was for nothing, there was no hole in Luna’s heart, no want for anything more with the blonde boy. She had gotten her’s and he had gotten his and everything went back to normal, or so it seemed for a bit.
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full.
I need some meaning I can memorize.
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.
But you, but you...
Whatever she had been looking for in his arms and his bed was found though, and the next six months that followed here so much more different than the first. The bitter Disney reject was gone, replaced by a more confident girl, no longer drifting from one extreme end of the spectrum or the other. She settled on her own style, she started singing again and even struck up contact with her parents. Finally, for the first time in what seemed like her whole nineteen years of existence there was no longer a silent battle going on between the pretty, shining Luna everyone knew and the spontaneous, sarcastic one underneath. The two halves had reached an odd sort of unspoken compromise, and she finally began to find her real purpose that was separate from anyone else’s.
You write such pretty words,
But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do.
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me...
How was class? The question echoes against the walls of the darkened kitchen as Amber watches Luna make herself a sandwich, eyes bright even after a long day.
Fine, I’m liking college a shitload more than highschool you know? Less bullshit. For some reason cursing for the girl felt perfectly natural, even though she had spent so long avoiding it like the plague, How are things at the studio?
Fine, I got Jonghyun to quit smoking for the sake of his voice, luckily he wants to keep his contract more than he wants cancer. The disease wasn’t what bothered the rapper truthfully; it was the smell, So what did you do to that boy anyway? Is he in love with you or some shit? It took a special kind of person to appreciate Amber’s ‘cut to the chase’ style.
A sigh. I don’t even fucking know, why is he sleeping on the couch again? He’s still drinking and at clubs all the damn time, and god knows what sluts he’s still fucking when he’s not crashing here, Her hands were thrown up in exasperation as she rolled her eyes, I don’t think so, we’re not even dating or anything.
A typical, dorky and loud laugh resonates in the quiet of the apartment, You don’t have to be dating to be in love shithead.
You would know wouldn’t you? How is your Tofu anyway? That same old teasing smile is shot Amber’s why as a rare blush stains her cheeks even as she walks out of the kitchen.
Fuck you.
No thanks you’re not my type, but I appreciate the offer!
I should hope she’s not your type. At this point Luna is hardly surprised at the third, deeper voice that joins her.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jonghyun(shinee)/Luna(f(x))
Summary AU. Luna is a pretty little singer who lives in the protective bubble created by her parents before running away to live with Amber, where she meets Jonghyun, the boy previously expelled from her school.
I picked you out,
Of a crowd and talked to you.
Said I liked your shoes,
You said, "Thanks, Can I follow you?"
They’re the most dysfunctional couple anyone’s ever heard of, because they’re not really a couple at all.
So it's up the stairs,
And out of view.
They’ve known eachother for years of course, she’s three years apart but Luna was brilliant and talented and she ended up being able to skip grades until she was just a year below him. If it wasn’t her voice being praised at one assembly or another it was seeing her hanging out with Jessica’s-his on and off girlfriend-little sister, Luna was always around. When you’re in the same city for so long eventually you start to know things about each other.
No prying eyes.
I poured some wine.
I asked your name;
Unfortunately Luna knew about Jonghyun too, although the circumstances were different. She remembered seeing him dragged down the hallway by his studded jacket, a smoke bomb going off when they were in middle school, then the smell of pot in high school, and a flash of a knife against their teacher’s throat in her sophomore year. Luna didn’t see him so much after that.
It was only occasional glimpses of the blonde rebel at Krystal’s house that brought Jonghyun back into Luna’s life.
He never particularly cared about her; she was too good, too boring, too untouchable, her life controlled by her family, every step for the rest of her life planned out by the school system and her parents. Hell, up until her junior year the most rebellious thing that she had done was dye her hair without her parents permission.
On that same token Jonghyun was actually quite surreal to the younger girl. He was rebellious without purpose, angry for reasons she didn’t understand, especially not from the box that her life existed in. A few of his friends said that he had an amazing voice and wrote often, but the only thing that she saw when Jonghyun came into view was his loud hair, excessive piercings and cigarette between his lips.
You asked the time
It was midway through her senior year when Luna finally cracked.
There is a song that says there’s beauty in the background, and the poor girl, unfortunately was the personification of that cliché. She stood on the stage at a winter assembly, dressed in a ghastly furry outfit which itched--she didn’t even like white for fucksake-singing a cheesy song that she didn’t like when she just wanted to be with her friends in the audience goofing off and sneak texting, and instead she was dressed like a snow angel in heels that hurt her feet when she, for lack of a better phrase…broke down. Mid way to a particularly high note-which always hurt her annoyed her but of course she never said so-she yelled, ripping her heels of her feet and throwing them towards her parents as she smeared the white and blue sparkly make up from her face.
The abomination that was her furry coat was next, and she was tugging her fingers through curls and smelly hairspray, obscenities that no one had ever heard from the petite girl before ringing out loudly among the stunned audience and she was yelling phrases like I don’t want to sing for the rest of my goddamn life, I never really have you know! and I really don’t like the color white, or baby blue, or sparkly shit, and you know what? I don’t like fuzzy shit or-I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THIS.
She was storming off the stage before they could stop her.
Unfortunately she didn’t have much thought behind this, and found herself getting on the first bus she found looking like a Disney Princess reject. Fortunately, Amber didn’t care.
Now it's two o'clock.
The club is closed,
We're up the block.
Your hands on me,
Pressing hard against your jeans,
Your tongue in my mouth,
Trying to keep the words from coming out.
Amber the freespirited girl with chopped off hair who hardly ever wore makeup was the most beautiful, mindblowing thing to enter Luna’s little world-that was quickly expanding-Amber took the shell Luna had lived in her entire life and slammed it against a rock until it broke.
She lived in a oddly large apartment that had more people coming in and out of it than seemed safe, but it became home for her. The Chinese girl introduced her to all kinds of things, rapping, beatboxing, DJing, baggy hip-hop style clothes, making your own life, and alcohol.
Oh yeah, and clubs, the clubs were great. The clubs had Jonghyun, who was everywhere at once. Jonghyun was like the hot girl with her cleavage in view but not hanging out, the one who swaggered into the club with sexy boots that she could still kick your ass in. He never paid to get in, never paid for drinks, and could be found getting-or hell, giving a lap dance on random couches-and somehow kept their street cred.
You didn't care to know.
Who else may have been you before.
So you’ve been dancing with Jonghyun a lot lately Amber asks her one day idly while looking through old records like other people look at bibles.
Yeah he’s pretty cool Luna says casually, following in her wake as she often is, she’s known the older girl six months now and is no longer as intimidated. For the most part.
He’s a pretty cool slut, you know, if you like that sort of thing. The words drop from her mouth as if they were nothing, and to the aspiring rapper they really weren’t. To anyone else the words might’ve seemed rude, but Luna knew her; Amber didn’t care that Jonghyun was a slut, hell the two traded stories about their various conquests and mishaps. It was a warning, know what you’re getting into, do whatever you want but be ready for what happens after, be cool.
I’m pickin’ up what you’re throwing down Pumpkin, don’t get involved with a hoe expecting a cuddlebuddy. Got it She laughed while smirking at her friend, expecting the friendly punch in her arm she always got for calling her the nickname she had earned after a language slipup.
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here,
But I'm not sure.
It was okay though, that Jonghyun didn’t love her, she didn’t want him to love her. Even to herself she was still the Disney reject, the poor little songbird that fell from the tree and everyone looked down on her with pity. Luna didn’t need love, she had been loved all of her life, admired, looked at with wide respect filled eyes.
She was like a stupid fucking porcelain doll that everyone admired from afar.
Talented, kind, popular, beautiful, and utterly untouchable. It was like she had tons of people around her with a little bubble that kept others from getting too close.
She had to be sweet, she had to be complacent, had to maintain a strict diet and exercise regimen for competitions, various pageants that her parents forced her to go to.
She was Luna, but had never gotten the chance to really be Luna.
Everyone wanted to be close to her because of her outside layers. A bright smile and a dainty laugh, and perfectly applied makeup are all anyone saw.
Luna is going to be a singer. A wonderful mother. Such a wonderful daughter in law. So kind. So stylish. Her hair is so perfect. Listen to that voice; it could bring tears to my eyes.
Jonghyun didn’t care about all that.
But I'm not sure.
I've got the money
If you've got the time.
You said, "It feels good."
I said "I'll give it a try."
Calloused hands sneaking up her side to slip under her shirt, his teeth gently digging into the juncture of her neck as her nails scrap against his scalp and tugging on his hair as her head tilts back onto his shoulder, their hips moving to the beat that resonated throughout the club.
Her eyes are fluttering closed, her lip caught between her teeth and he knows the moment is right for his hand to sneak farther up her skin, her muscles twitching from the feather like brush of his hand against her flesh. He can feel her body tense as he cups her breast, the heat causing his breath to hitch, but her body tensed, eyes suddenly open wide.
I wanna hear your pretty voice screaming my name A sharp intake of breath and her head was farther back on his shoulder, her chest pressing farther into his hand while her hips pressed back into his and his mouth was suddenly on her neck, sucking the flesh into his mouth with vigor. Talented fingers massaging the inside of her hipbones and he felt her heartrate increase, a pleased smirk crossing his face as her hand tightened in his hair and left him wondering if Amber told him that he had a thing for his hair being fucked with.
Jonghyun… Another smirk at her quiet, breathy moan that he wouldn’t have been able to hear if her mouth wasn’t so close to his ear.
Close love, Without warning his teeth were grazing her ear as he pulled her away just slightly, his tongue brushing the shell of her ear, why don’t you come home with me so we can get that just a little, his hand brushed over the oh so sensitive juncture between her thighs, louder.
Bad actors, with bad habits...
Some sad singers, they just play tragic.
And the phone's ringing.
And the van's leaving.
Let's just keep touching.
Let's just keep...keep singing.
Jonghyun was everything he promised, everything the rumors said he was. She must’ve been especially amazing because he even let her stay in his bed until the sun rose and they both woke up from the glare of the sun and the vibrating of her phone.
Amber had to come get her because even though the two had been sober when they left the club Luna wasn’t even sure what side of town she was on. Amber’s apprehension was for nothing, there was no hole in Luna’s heart, no want for anything more with the blonde boy. She had gotten her’s and he had gotten his and everything went back to normal, or so it seemed for a bit.
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full.
I need some meaning I can memorize.
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.
But you, but you...
Whatever she had been looking for in his arms and his bed was found though, and the next six months that followed here so much more different than the first. The bitter Disney reject was gone, replaced by a more confident girl, no longer drifting from one extreme end of the spectrum or the other. She settled on her own style, she started singing again and even struck up contact with her parents. Finally, for the first time in what seemed like her whole nineteen years of existence there was no longer a silent battle going on between the pretty, shining Luna everyone knew and the spontaneous, sarcastic one underneath. The two halves had reached an odd sort of unspoken compromise, and she finally began to find her real purpose that was separate from anyone else’s.
You write such pretty words,
But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do.
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me...
How was class? The question echoes against the walls of the darkened kitchen as Amber watches Luna make herself a sandwich, eyes bright even after a long day.
Fine, I’m liking college a shitload more than highschool you know? Less bullshit. For some reason cursing for the girl felt perfectly natural, even though she had spent so long avoiding it like the plague, How are things at the studio?
Fine, I got Jonghyun to quit smoking for the sake of his voice, luckily he wants to keep his contract more than he wants cancer. The disease wasn’t what bothered the rapper truthfully; it was the smell, So what did you do to that boy anyway? Is he in love with you or some shit? It took a special kind of person to appreciate Amber’s ‘cut to the chase’ style.
A sigh. I don’t even fucking know, why is he sleeping on the couch again? He’s still drinking and at clubs all the damn time, and god knows what sluts he’s still fucking when he’s not crashing here, Her hands were thrown up in exasperation as she rolled her eyes, I don’t think so, we’re not even dating or anything.
A typical, dorky and loud laugh resonates in the quiet of the apartment, You don’t have to be dating to be in love shithead.
You would know wouldn’t you? How is your Tofu anyway? That same old teasing smile is shot Amber’s why as a rare blush stains her cheeks even as she walks out of the kitchen.
Fuck you.
No thanks you’re not my type, but I appreciate the offer!
I should hope she’s not your type. At this point Luna is hardly surprised at the third, deeper voice that joins her.