[Oneshot] To Say I Love You Without Saying It; 1/2
To Say I Love You Without Saying It; Kyuhyun, Sungmin; one-shot, romance, angst; NC-17(for mentioning sex actions and the afterglows) ; the boy band Super Junior belongs to SM Entertainment and to their selves respectively. I disown anything that you recognized in this fiction, except for the storyline, style of writing and plots.
A/N : Wow, it’s hella long! Hehehe. Sorry I’ve been neglecting my updates for so long (it’s been more than a couple of months, really) and this is merely for the birthday gift that I promised my twinny, vin11lover and everyone that has been promised a one-shot so that I won't turn into a big fat liar (I’m afraid I already am though). Sorry I think the plots are rubbish, though D:
-
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Henry David Thoreau.
-
It was another weekend in the summer, a few days before the pay day of the month. In his medium-sized, fit for only one living thing and a complete meaning of a catastrophe (apartment), Cho Kyuhyun was drowning under a pile of bills and currently was barely breathing. He was thinking that there were too many to pay for, yet too important to not to be paid for. The television was showing the soap drama that he cursed last night when he was watching the encore of straight ten episodes of it-nonstop-that he thought if only he got the wealth and the right knowledge and strings to make a drama, he’d make every silly love stories converted into historical ones.
They’re better, and full of lessons.
“Heat stroke?” monologue; as he suddenly realised that he’s being cranky over something that he shouldn’t be upset at all, because yeah being whiny over stupid TV series was stupid and won't help to him pay the bills. He then wondered how people could live well in this summer heat when he felt like killing himself so that the irritating heat would go away.
-he’s never good with heat. He’ll get weaken whenever sun’s glaring light and warmth bathed him. So I’d always carry him on my back when he’s about to fall after we play and let him rest under the strong, shady, big old oak tree on the small hill at the end of the village. His face would be crimsoning; of the heat, and of the embarrassment for letting himself to be carried by me. And I would laugh; because he was lovable.
“Eh?” Kyuhyun rubbed his eyes sleepily and groaned lightly when his eyelids felt chafed. He was inside his apartment, at his coffee table; the bills were still sprawling and there’s even a pink note stuck on his left cheek before he slapped it away a few moments later. “What’s with that dream?” he scratched his head, and palmed his forehead; maybe he was having a mild fever because because because he was having such a beautiful setting inside it despite the ugly reality of scary numbers and digits and almost expired pay-times crawling before him.
“Weird dream is weird.”
He glanced annoyingly as one piece of the bills; probably from the telephone company flew above his head and brushed against his now light brownish hair softly.
“To hell with that. Numbers are still the worse nightmare.”
-
It wasn't so long after that when he received a call from his hometown, telling him to come home because a distant relative was getting married, whom which he had never spoken to. Kyuhyun said “yeah I’ll be there” but he was praying for God (his Editor, actually) to give him some test in life on that very same day (fieldworks and interviews) so that he wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of travelling of a few hundred kilometres back to his (almost ancient) hometown on this exceptionally brain-cooking summer.
But apparently, his God didn't want him to ignore the importance of his social life (which he couldn’t give a damn about) and with a smiling face, happily granted his reluctantly-asked leave, and even told him to enjoy himself since there will be a lot of new tasks for him once he return. Kyuhyun wondered if having such a nice boss could sometimes be a pain in the ass, too.
So after a day of thinking whether he’s going to spend the leave on its original purpose or to use it for Hawaii (oh Hawaii he had always been wanting to go to Hawaii and dance), another phone call from someone whom he had forgotten about until just recently, which was three minutes ago, made up his mind and he finally pulled out the medium-sized brown luggage from the space under his bed and dusted it off, still thinking about how a three minutes of ‘hi’ and ‘how’re you doing now?’ and a lot of hateful silence could change his mind.
“Vincent Lee. His name still sounds foreign enough to me.” And he questioned the reason why that certain Vincent hadn’t screwed his mind after they left the small town together almost ten years ago. At least not in the way he did after that three minutes of conversation.
-
“Your accent is weird, Vincent. And so does your name.” He leaned against the bark of the old tree, sucking the orange juice which to the ten years old Kyuhyun was not as favourable as the ads made him to buy it. The smaller boy with the dark honey-coloured hair who was sitting next to him chuckled and shrugged his shoulders; Kyuhyun assumed that Vincent was simply telling him ‘I don't have a clue either’.
“I took classes before I came here. Mommy said I need to learn Korean better.” Kyuhyun grimaced at the fact that Vincent called his mother as mommy instead of umma and ko-ri-yearn instead of...
“What’s ko-ri-yearn?”
“Ah, I meant Hangeul.” Vincent laughed, and lay his self down across Kyuhyun, head on his lap. “You’re weird.”
“This is nothing back in my old place.” He snuggled deeper into Kyuhyun’s tummy and that made the other boy giggled. “This is definitely something here in Korea.”
Vincent didn't reply, and he didn't move either, so Kyuhyun let him be the way he wanted to rest. The dancing bushes of leaves above their heads invited the streaming sunlight to strike subtly into the small gaps that they made and hit on Vincent’s fair skin, making him frown. “I hate sunlight right now.”
“What can you expect? It’s summer.” Kyuhyun sucked the last drop of the juice in his hand and threw the box back into the small, metal basket at the front of the handle of his bicycle, just a few metres away from his right.
“I hate the heat.” Vincent mumbled again.
-
-you know how sometimes you wanted to do something totally beyond the thinking of your sane mind? Sungmin always made me feel that way. not just once while he was sleeping on my shoulder under the tree that I felt like brushing our lips together, or just once when he was getting fully naked before he jumped into the cold, refreshing stream behind our school building that made me had the urge of hiding him away so that no one but me can see that all beautiful, pale skin of his. I always thought that I was weird for thinking such unthinkable things like this.
Kyuhyun woke up as the old bus’ tyres screeched and the door swished open. As soon as he stepped out from that very same (unfortunately) last bus that arrived in town, a young-looking man, yet Kyuhyun felt as if there was a certainty that he wasn't that young at all, greeted him. Kyuhyun stopped walking, and stared almost sharply but not sharp enough to make the young-looking man flinch or shiver in fear. “Oi you, stop giving me that. We’re not kids anymore.” Vincent laughed and playfully punched his shoulder, and Kyuhyun grinned weakly. There wasn't any awkwardness in the air around them, or was there?
He really wasn't so sure.
“So? Life’s been good to you?” Vincent bent his head slightly to the side where Kyuhyun was walking, lips curving a smile as par as to the curiosity of a ten years old boy who had just met a new friend in town, which was the age where they started off as friends almost twenty years back.
“If being able to eat when I feel necessary is what you mean then I’m probably just fine. Work is hardly worth enough for paying the bills.” Vincent chuckled, and slowly grabbed the blue knapsack from Kyuhyun’s left shoulder, but Kyuhyun pulled it back. Vincent refused to give in. “Guest should be treated with the finest hospitality.”
“That’s preposterous. I was born here, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Said someone who hasn’t been home for the last, what? Seven years? I’ve been more ko-ri-yearn than you were, Cho Kyuhyun.” Defeatedly, Kyuhyun let go of the knapsack and stuck out his tongue when Vincent growled as the force he used to pull it from Kyuhyun retaliated against him and made the knapsack brutally hit his chest. “Fine, I’m the bad guy.”
The walk back towards their house later was filled with reminiscing the old times, like how they used to think and imagine-dream-about everything they felt like they wanted to have, because that was how it was when you’re just young and innocent and hopeful and wasn't tied to anything called responsibility, an excuse that adults created so that they won't have to answer any oncoming questions after that. Sometimes, whenever Vincent wasn't looking, Kyuhyun would stare at his strands of ever honey-coloured hair dancing gently as the evening breeze waltzed with them. He liked it how the bright orange light cascaded over Vincent’s velvety skin, giving an illusion as if the gorgeous body was glowing.
He used to feel like embracing this body once. He still felt like embracing this body now. Embracing it, keeping it near his, marking every inch of its existence as his, making love to-
So you did understand. The feelings I’ve been holding to whenever we’re together. When Sungmin was next to me. When Sungmin was near me. When his breath was brushing against my chest as he slept without any worries under the big old tree.
- “...hyun! Kyuhyun!” his shoulders felt shaken, so Kyuhyun looked up to where the voice was coming from. Vincent looked so worried. “What happened?”
“That’s my line! You suddenly knelt down and groaned! Are you in pain or something? Should I get you the doctor?” Vincent’s hands on his cheeks felt so warm and lively and Kyuhyun wondered if they had ever been like that since before. “No, no I’m alright. You never know what might happen after three days without sleep, I tell you. I just need some rest.”
“Are you sure?” his eyes looked teary, and his lips went thin as he squeezed them together, a habit he has since they were kids.
“Yes. Just wipe that look off your face. Nobody’s dying, Vince.” He said before getting up.
-
The fragrance inside the newlywed’s bedroom was suffocating; Kyuhyun could never stand any longer than five minutes inside it, so he stormed outside of the room after handing the new satin bed sheet to his sister who was responsible for the decorations. “You shrimp! It’s just the potpourri!” he had no idea of why should Ahra yelled across the hallway like that but he also had no intention of covering up what was obviously one of his weakness. No one’s going to blame him for hating strong fragrances, anyway.
“Exactly what I hate. So stop being so noisy over trivial matters like this, you stupid old witch!” he yelled back, and a group of old women; their aunts, were laughing and started to say “oh exactly like how they’ve been since years ago” and “how I missed this sibling’s love” and Kyuhyun just didn't get it how yelling and fighting over silly stuff like this can be considered as sibling’s love.
“That witch, never fail to get me on my nerves.” He sighed as he leaned against the door frame of the old store room of the big main house of the Cho’s. His hand fished for the new box of Dunhill he bought yesterday at the only 24 hours convenient store in the town on his way back home with Vincent. The thin plastic that covered the red metallic box was still there; he hadn’t torn it off yet. Vincent’s words yesterday swam through his ears, and he laughed.
“You’ll die soon with that shit, idiot. You should stop smoking.”
“I’ll stop when I’m dead. Deal?” Vincent bit his lower lip, and grunted. Kyuhyun chuckled and apologised. “Sorry. I’ve worried you too much.”
“Yes you have.” He raised his left brow as Kyuhyun still paid for the box of cigarette and sighed. “But I guess that’s one of my purposes in life.”
“What is?” he asked, dumbly, and Vincent hit his stomach with the knapsack in his hand. “Hey I didn't let you carry it just so you can hit me with it.”
“Worrying about you.” Vincent faintly answered and walked out from the store, leaving him dumbfounded.
He ripped the thin red line of the plastic that kept the wrapping tight and pulled out a stick of nicotine before nipping it between his lips. He triggered the lighter and teased the wavering blue fire at the end of the cigarette, but stopped midway as he saw Vincent just outside the room, inside the backyard garden that his late grandfather had been taking care of when he was alive, dipping his legs inside the pond where they used to secretly jump in and chased the carps just because they could as little boys.
It was after a mere ten minutes of staring at the almost translucent skin of Vincent’s face being showered by the morning summer sunlight that carried a mysterious scent with it, seven minutes of admiring his light brown eyes, four minutes of tracing the beautiful jaw lines of his with his sinful pair of dark orbs, and two minutes of hesitation whether he should or should not interrupt the peaceful figure in front of him that Kyuhyun finally jumped off the small verandah outside the old door frame and strutted on the patio that surround the small garden towards Vincent. He had already forgo the idea of smoking earlier when he saw how Vincent was smiling as he bent down and sat next to him.
“Do you remember? Grandpa really treasured this little garden with all his might. Said that it was for someone he loved.” Kyuhyun said, and Vincent nodded. “Yeah, he did. And for some reasons, I still believe that it wasn't your grandma he was talking about.”
Kyuhyun laughed, and slowly paddled his legs inside the pond, chasing the carps that were still in good care around. “I thought so too, but then I had no idea of who was it that he loved other that my grandma, so I gave up. But you know...” he stared at Vincent for a few seconds before staring back at his own feet, “...I think he has been trying to say something to me in my sleep, sometimes.”
“Who?”
“Grandpa.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, eyes to eyes, as if they were talking a series of ‘I don't believe you’ and ‘I don't believe me myself’ and burst into laughter. “That was a good joke, Kyuhyun. I thought it has gone with the years you’ve been away from here.”
Silence but it wasn't awkward, and Kyuhyun loved how the familiar feelings finally enveloped them back when they’re together. “You’re teaching now? In here?” he asked absent-mindedly, and Vincent nodded, smiling. “U-huh, at our old high school. Life can be so unpredictable, yeah? I mean, here I am, mingling with kids when I was the brilliant kid who wanted to be a diplomat in school.” Kyuhyun chuckled, and mockingly sighed as in desperate for a good word to be said. “I have nothing to say about the dream, but Vince, you’re not so brilliant. Oh wait, not brilliant at all.”
“What was that?? I was brilliant!”
“So you’re not as brilliant anymore?”
Vincent grunted and hit Kyuhyun on the shoulder with the stick that he picked earlier near the pond. “Now I don't think I deserve that kind of treatment from a no brilliant kid like you!”
“Asshole,”
Vincent said, before he smiled and hummed a sad old song that Kyuhyun had never heard about as he lay his body down and started to stare at the moving clouds that tainted the clear sky above them. “I’m glad that you came back.”
“I never said I won't. Why are you being so serious about it?” he leaned back as both his hands prodding his weight, and Kyuhyun could feel Vincent’s body heat next to him. His heat was calming, and Kyuhyun thought ‘what wonderful nights I would have if this warmth was what welcoming me to bed’.
“Just because.” Though they both knew the reason why.
-mistakes happen. It wasn't what we had expected, that’s why we call it mistakes. But I didn't want to call it a mistake. When I had him in my arms that night, I never wanted to call it a mistake. It wasn't a mistake when I had his breath inside my mouth, his pale skin under my palms. It wasn't a mistake when I said ‘I love you’ even though we were both men. No it wasn't. And I was sure he didn't want to think of it as a mistake either. Not when he replied the harsh press of my lips against his with a gentle push, and a pair of warm arms that snaked around my shoulders and nape when I was inside him under the shades of the big old tree where we used to play as little boys, telling me to never let him go.
We never thought of it as a mistake. We were so sure it was love.
But others didn't.
-
“Are you guys’ gays?” Vincent almost spurt the juice out when the girl from the next class asked them the question. Kyuhyun laughed and wrapped one of his arms around Vincent’s neck and nodded. “I think we are. What about you, Vince?”
“I think...” he glanced at the smiling Kyuhyun, and thought ‘ah, there’s that smile again’ before he chuckled and said “...he’s bluffing. I hate cocks.” Kyuhyun laughed even louder and tightened his arm around Vincent’s neck before he pulled him down and knuckled his head. “Like you don't have one of that, huh, lover boy?” in the playful violence, he could hear the faint sighs of the girls around them, sighs that Kyuhyun could never and would never notice. Sungmin knew.
Kyuhyun was an oblivious bastard. He would never know how many admirers that were lurking around him, finding chances and opened spaces for them to get to know him better. And Vincent was one of the opened spaces.
“Please give this letter to him, it’s my feelings inside,” they said, and Vincent could never say no. because he was too nice, and too gentle, too understanding of what an unrequited love was (he thought he knew). He could never tell them “no he won't take this from you because he got me!” because he was never Kyuhyun’s. He wished he was, but unfortunately, he wasn't. Kyuhyun did say that Vincent was his, but Vincent doubted that.
He thought he was the worse, he was even worse than the girls who confessed through the letters and cried when rejected. Because he had no guts in confessing, and he had no guts in embracing the rejection. So he thought of keeping Kyuhyun close, because that was the only thing that he was capable of doing.
“Am I not up to your taste?” Kyuhyun suddenly asked after the final bell rang for that day. Vincent stopped shoving the books inside his brown leather bag, and turned around to face Kyuhyun who was sitting behind him. Vincent felt a sudden heat rushed up his cheeks, and bit his lower lip. “You’re bad with jokes. Let’s go home.”
“Seriously? Am I that bad?” Kyuhyun laughed, and palmed his face. Vincent took it as a way of his lame joke, so he missed the hurt look that Kyuhyun had behind those palms and fingers. Vincent swallowed the somewhat big lump that gathered in his throat, and forced a laughter that didn't sound so real even to his self, at all.
“Yes you are.” And walked out from the classroom with an audible series of heart beats.
-
“These carps look delicious.” Kyuhyun said, face crimsoning from the alcohol that the elders forced him to have earlier on. Vincent giggled and dropped on his knees next to the squatting Kyuhyun, watching the said fish swimming energetically under the bright moonlight. “Your gramps won't be so happy to hear that coming from you.”
“But seriously! He fed these monsters a tad too much, don't you think?” Vincent grimaced, and took a few seconds before nodding to Kyuhyun’s words. “I guess he just did.” Kyuhyun hummed, satisfied with the confirmation, and fell down on his butt after he lost his balance. Carefully, Vincent caught him and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Kyuhyun laughed like a kid, and buried his face inside Vincent’s white shirt.
“I wonder if the old tree is still there.”
“Still there. There were rumours that a rich man was going to buy the land where it stands last year, but I guess he cancelled it.” Vincent told him, and Kyuhyun hummed again. “Let’s go there now, now that we’re done with the wedding.”
“Huh? It’s late, and no we’re not done with the wedding yet, Kyuhyun. There’s still the washing and tidying up the dishes-” Kyuhyun put a finger on his lips, and Vincent stopped talking.
“You’re so noisy.”
It took Vincent twenty two seconds to figure out that the soft flesh that pressed against his lips were Kyuhyun’s. There was something wet that tasted like medium-quality soju and rice cakes and mint and Dunhill thrusting inside his mouth, licking his gums and teeth, sucking his tongue. Kyuhyun was now crouching above him, pinning his shoulders, undoing the necktie and buttons of the shirt he wore. It took him another ten seconds later to finally realise what was happening, and pushed Kyuhyun away as hard as he could.
There was that look in Kyuhyun’s eyes. That hurt look.
“Nine years ago, you did the same thing to me, nine years ago.”
Vincent’s eyes flashed a memory of a totally wasted Kyuhyun, and a small party of two for celebrating Kyuhyun’s entrance to the university he aimed for into the course that he dreamed of. How could he forget about that? It was like a dream come true.
“Am I really not up to your taste? Am I that bad? Am I really just a friend? Can't I become someone more than a friend?” Vincent palmed his ears, refusing to listen to anymore of the words that came out from Kyuhyun.
“I love-”
“Stop! Don't say it!” Vincent pleaded, and Kyuhyun jolted. There were tears in both their eyes. “Why?”
“Please, that is the last thing I wanted to hear from you. I beg of you, Kyuhyun, stop torturing me.” Kyuhyun stood up, wiped his tears with his sleeves, and breathed in. There were choked sounds following his voice.
“I thought you were happy that I came back. It was a lie, wasn't it?”
-
-he came running to me; his legs were covered in bruises, his forehead was bleeding, his pale lips were dry and cracked. He said he ran from his family’s mansion, because they forbid him to see me anymore. They hated the facts that I loved him, and he loved me. They despised the fate that brought us together. If only I was someone from a noble family, if only I was someone with money; and I am sure they’d never treated us this way. They would never dare to put even a finger on Sungmin’s pale skin.
I never knew being in love could be this painful, I never did. I never realise to be in love with someone could make the other felt the torture, too.
But he said he wanted to be together with me. He said ‘damn the money when I have you!’ He said to never let him go.
He could feel the warm fluid rolling down his cheeks as he opened his eyes the next morning. Kyuhyun rested his left arm above his forehead, oh how he hated the strings of morning sunlight that felt burning through the blinds of the window in his old bedroom.
“Oi, brat! Get up and have your breakfast! There’s gonna be a family gathering later in the afternoon!” his mom’s voice slightly croaked, probably because she had to use a high pitch so early in the morning, or it was just that she was getting old. Kyuhyun groaned loudly, a sign telling her that he’s getting up and sighed as he listened to her footsteps distancing themselves from his door. Despite his audible obedience, two minutes later Kyuhyun found himself slamming his back against the hard old bed, swaying himself with the singing cicadas welcoming the warmth of the summer.
He liked it how he and Vincent were always in sync. How they understood each other without being spoken. Like how he hummed to Vincent at lunch break and they’d be both absent from the classes after lunch, or how Vincent laughed at him when he took off his uniform and tied it around his waist, and soon they’d be plunging themselves into the depth of the cool stream behind the old, left out school building just five hundred metres away from their houses. He believed there was something between them, there was an invisible string connecting them. He knew it was there. But now, after what happened last night, which he wished it was a dream but apparently it wasn't, because he could feel the hatred and disappointment towards himself, he wondered if the string was only existed inside him. Or just another wishful dream of his.
It was the same, nine years ago. They were both drunk, they were both heated. They were both in love, or so that he would like to think. Hell, if holding hands and feeling the other’s heart beats vibrated through your very own skin and flesh wasn't love, Kyuhyun could never really find another answer for it. So he thought Vincent understands. Vincent has always been the one who understands so well, so why wouldn’t he, right?
Kyuhyun pulled the cotton pillow underneath his head and slammed it against his face, growled, and then screamed to his heart contents. He still remember the warm fingers that fit inside the rows of his own, and the chest that kept going up and down, aggressively responding to every kiss and lick and suck and touch that he put on Vincent’s skin. Kyuhyun remembered everything. Even the subtle push that Vincent gave him when he was unbuckling his belt, and the silent “not right now,” and “I’m sorry” that Vincent whispered after he pretended to be asleep just so he could hide his embarrassment of the rejection.
Kyuhyun screamed again, because he still remember of the cold morning and the ruffled up bed sheet next to his right where Vincent was supposed to be, and the months of suffering because, because because Vincent wasn't there, Vincent wasn't at home, Vincent wasn't anywhere. And he screamed again, but this time no voice came out; his throat was too sore to even speak, because he recalled the years of waiting for someone who wasn't waiting for him. Oh when did he start to forget every little thing about this particular Vincent Lee?
Kyuhyun guessed he never did.
“I shouldn’t come back, I shouldn’t.”
-
-‘let’s leave this town,’ he said, as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his bruised forehead. Sungmin’s pale fingers ran up my forearms and down again, as if he was making sure that I was real, I was there, and it was really me who was embracing him. ‘Let’s leave everything that hurt us. Let’s leave everyone that thinks we are disgusting.’ I chuckled, kissed the crown of his head, and I could hear his face frowning. I told him how emotional he was, how childish and how selfish his plans were. He bit my left hand and pulled my face closer to his as I grunted painfully, and forced his lips onto mine. A few silent minutes, a passionate eye contest, hands that started to taste every parts of his velvety skin and I asked him why. He laughed silently, and kissed my lips again, accusing me for ‘not taking things I’ve said seriously’.
‘I laughed since I think it was funny to see your serious face, but I didn't say anything about not doing it, or did I?’
“Kyuhyun, stop staring like I’ve just taken away your childhood crush you dumbass.”
Kyuhyun could hear the bowl of rice that was perfectly gripped in his hands just now fell and broke, just a few inches away missing his toes. The elders gasped, and then started laughing, saying “oh look now the younger feels threatened!” and “they must’ve had wonderful days as siblings together!” and Kyuhyun were just suppressing his inner urge to scream and yell and curse and tell those people to shut the hell up and listen, listen listen to him before anything else. Listen to him, because nobody had ever listened to him, not even-
“Kyuhyun, why don't you sit down first and take a deep breath?” his mother reached out for his hand, and calmed him down, caressing the back of his palm with her now wrinkled thumb. His sister frowned, and pulled the man that was going to marry her as she had announced before near to her. The big family members that were gathered inside the dining hall of the main house were going ‘ohs!’ and ‘ahs!’ as Ahra leaned her head onto the stiff man’s shoulder, and sleeked over the frown on her face with a smile, hands weren’t leaving the man’s grip.
“So ladies and gentlemen, as the news has spread out, the wedding will be held in six months time from now, and you, Cho Kyuhyun, you better be here at least two days before the wedding, or I’ll curse you with a fat, slobby lady as a wife!” Kyuhyun breathed in, and out, and in, and calmed his self down. ‘Relax, Kyuhyun, you’re not a kid anymore’ and grinned.
“Yeah sure I’ll be here. Sorry guys, I was just freaked out to know that a witch just found herself a husband to be cooked.”
“Vince’s gonna get cooked!” someone yelled and the guests burst out laughing. Kyuhyun laughed too, trying to resist the overwhelming stare that was full of guilt and apology, yet now was owned by Ahra to give her the love that Kyuhyun had longed for.
-
“You’re doing it again.” Kyuhyun cursed under his breath when the bushes of the decorating Japanese bamboos around the pond rustled, and Vincent, with his white pyjamas and his pale skin emerged from behind them, ghostly glowing from the light reflected by Mr. Moon that was loved by Mr. Sun. Vincent chuckled and promptly jumped and sat next to the squatting teenager that was holding a fishing net in his hand.
“Can you not showing up in that hideous costume?” he scolded Vincent, sternly but silent enough so that no one would wake up and found out about their crime (now that Vincent was here it became both their crime) in his gramps’ beloved pond. “What? It’s my PJ, you fucking chicken. And what’s with this carps-kidnapping again? Didn’t you have plenty last time you sold them?” he chided, yet still he caught the other end of the fishing net that was spread wide in Kyuhyun’s hands.
“Still need at least five more. Now you better help me out with this,” he said nonchalantly, and yanked the net together after he gave Vincent the signal. A poor carp were flipping and flailing as it fell onto the hard, black-stoned pavements that surround the pond. Kyuhyun smirked as he quickly untangled the thin, strong plastic thread around the carp’s gills and kissed its gaping mouth that was desperate for water before throwing it into the red bucket a few steps behind him. Vincent chuckled and sighed, saying “damn it man you’re disgusting” and “that fish suffered enough” as he let go of the net and stared at the swimming carp inside the bucket which apparently wasn't aware of the fact that something evil just had been done towards it.
“Don't you already have your allowance from your parents? Last time Ahra told me she even gave you half of hers because you helped her with her homework.” Vincent asked while poking the caught fish. Kyuhyun clucked his tongue and landed hard on his bum next to his friend. “What is it that going on between you two? She’s being too clingy around you damn it.” Vincent giggled, “You sound as if you’re jealous of her.”
“I am,” Kyuhyun said, with a sense of seriousness in his voice, and a face that said ‘can't you see it already?’ and made Vincent blush. This was what he hated about Kyuhyun. He didn't know where or when he should joke about being serious and being insensitive towards others like this. He made Vincent flutter, happy, extremely happy, genuinely happy, and then he crushed them with a laugh. So Vincent thought ‘ah he’ll be laughing soon so I better ignore this’ and smiled.
“But seriously, what are you going to do with all that money you have? A new game is coming out? Or is it that you are going on a date or something?” Vincent asked again when Kyuhyun was bending and peeking inside the pond to find another valuable victim to be caught and slaughtered (sold) and it was replied with a heavy sigh followed by “I don't think we’re gonna make it tonight if you’re being too noisy like this, Vince,” before Kyuhyun pulled up the fish net from inside the pond, and threw it somewhere into the thick bushes behind them, making a rustling sound as it crushed the small branches. Vincent pouted, stood up and walked towards the low veranda just ten steps away from where they were standing.
“Didn't I tell you before? I’m going to leave this town once we graduated. There’s a lot of things await me out there,” he said nonchalantly, leaving Vincent wearing a troubled face. “No you didn't. I never heard anything like this before.” Kyuhyun eyes squinted, and he rubbed his chin with his left hand. “I didn't? Oh well, now you do know about it, so you have to come with me.” again, this was what Vincent hated about Kyuhyun. He planned everything just to his liking without a care about others. Not that he had a problem or anything with it.
“Don't joke about this, Kyuhyun. It’s not funny.” Vincent turned his head to the other side, refusing to show his pink-tinted cheeks to Kyuhyun (though he doubted the lad would see it in the night) and made small circles with his fingertips on the wooden plank, thinking about what Kyuhyun’s next answer would be.
“What? You don't want to be with me?” Kyuhyun pulled his shoulder so that he could see Vincent’s face, and was shocked to see that this Vincent Lee could be so red even though it was in the night where the temperature was fairly cold and the dim lighting around the pond. The crickets were silent for a minute, just like how Kyuhyun’s heart was. Or probably both of their hearts were.
“I... I’d prefer to be with Ahra than eloping together with you!” Vincent said, subtly pushing Kyuhyun away from him and stood up, his hands were clutching his chest. Oh god please god don't make him hear my heart beats, he wished but apparently Kyuhyun too, was busy listening to his own drumming heart. Kyuhyun then laughed, laughed and laughed before he said “nobody said about eloping, we’re going to tell our parents first,” and grabbed Vincent’s right hand before he pulled it near his chest.
“But please don't ditch me for Ahra, or I’ll be sad.”
Vincent thought he was in heaven and Kyuhyun was the angel that he longed to hug, so he nodded without even realising it.
-
It was Sunday when we decided to leave the town. Leaving the houses where we had live in for the rest of our years of life, leaving the family that we will always hold hear in our hearts, leaving the stream behind our school building where I first realised that I loved him, leaving the big old tree on top of the mountain at the end of the village where we had our first kiss. Our entwined hands were warm because we never let go since the moment we left our secret hut.
Sungmin’s been talking about where to live and what to do after we reach our unplanned destination and I was too busy to care about anything when I saw his glittering eyes as he spoke since the first moment we sat at our seats inside the train. There were people outside the windows looking in at their families and relatives and women were crying because because they were about to let go of someone dear to them.
I was certainly sure when I made the decision to leave the town. I was ready to have a new life away from the things that would make us suffer. That was what I had in mind when I listened to Sungmin’s happy voice. We were supposed to be happy. Because we loved each other.
“This is it, right?” he asked, hands tightened around my arm, as if I’d run away if he let me go, and looked deeply into my eyes.
“Yes it is,” I said, assuring him that everything was going to be alright. Because I thought we only needed each other then.
-
Because LJ word limit sucks, so let's go to the next part.
A/N : Wow, it’s hella long! Hehehe. Sorry I’ve been neglecting my updates for so long (it’s been more than a couple of months, really) and this is merely for the birthday gift that I promised my twinny, vin11lover and everyone that has been promised a one-shot so that I won't turn into a big fat liar (I’m afraid I already am though). Sorry I think the plots are rubbish, though D:
-
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Henry David Thoreau.
-
It was another weekend in the summer, a few days before the pay day of the month. In his medium-sized, fit for only one living thing and a complete meaning of a catastrophe (apartment), Cho Kyuhyun was drowning under a pile of bills and currently was barely breathing. He was thinking that there were too many to pay for, yet too important to not to be paid for. The television was showing the soap drama that he cursed last night when he was watching the encore of straight ten episodes of it-nonstop-that he thought if only he got the wealth and the right knowledge and strings to make a drama, he’d make every silly love stories converted into historical ones.
They’re better, and full of lessons.
“Heat stroke?” monologue; as he suddenly realised that he’s being cranky over something that he shouldn’t be upset at all, because yeah being whiny over stupid TV series was stupid and won't help to him pay the bills. He then wondered how people could live well in this summer heat when he felt like killing himself so that the irritating heat would go away.
-he’s never good with heat. He’ll get weaken whenever sun’s glaring light and warmth bathed him. So I’d always carry him on my back when he’s about to fall after we play and let him rest under the strong, shady, big old oak tree on the small hill at the end of the village. His face would be crimsoning; of the heat, and of the embarrassment for letting himself to be carried by me. And I would laugh; because he was lovable.
“Eh?” Kyuhyun rubbed his eyes sleepily and groaned lightly when his eyelids felt chafed. He was inside his apartment, at his coffee table; the bills were still sprawling and there’s even a pink note stuck on his left cheek before he slapped it away a few moments later. “What’s with that dream?” he scratched his head, and palmed his forehead; maybe he was having a mild fever because because because he was having such a beautiful setting inside it despite the ugly reality of scary numbers and digits and almost expired pay-times crawling before him.
“Weird dream is weird.”
He glanced annoyingly as one piece of the bills; probably from the telephone company flew above his head and brushed against his now light brownish hair softly.
“To hell with that. Numbers are still the worse nightmare.”
-
It wasn't so long after that when he received a call from his hometown, telling him to come home because a distant relative was getting married, whom which he had never spoken to. Kyuhyun said “yeah I’ll be there” but he was praying for God (his Editor, actually) to give him some test in life on that very same day (fieldworks and interviews) so that he wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of travelling of a few hundred kilometres back to his (almost ancient) hometown on this exceptionally brain-cooking summer.
But apparently, his God didn't want him to ignore the importance of his social life (which he couldn’t give a damn about) and with a smiling face, happily granted his reluctantly-asked leave, and even told him to enjoy himself since there will be a lot of new tasks for him once he return. Kyuhyun wondered if having such a nice boss could sometimes be a pain in the ass, too.
So after a day of thinking whether he’s going to spend the leave on its original purpose or to use it for Hawaii (oh Hawaii he had always been wanting to go to Hawaii and dance), another phone call from someone whom he had forgotten about until just recently, which was three minutes ago, made up his mind and he finally pulled out the medium-sized brown luggage from the space under his bed and dusted it off, still thinking about how a three minutes of ‘hi’ and ‘how’re you doing now?’ and a lot of hateful silence could change his mind.
“Vincent Lee. His name still sounds foreign enough to me.” And he questioned the reason why that certain Vincent hadn’t screwed his mind after they left the small town together almost ten years ago. At least not in the way he did after that three minutes of conversation.
-
“Your accent is weird, Vincent. And so does your name.” He leaned against the bark of the old tree, sucking the orange juice which to the ten years old Kyuhyun was not as favourable as the ads made him to buy it. The smaller boy with the dark honey-coloured hair who was sitting next to him chuckled and shrugged his shoulders; Kyuhyun assumed that Vincent was simply telling him ‘I don't have a clue either’.
“I took classes before I came here. Mommy said I need to learn Korean better.” Kyuhyun grimaced at the fact that Vincent called his mother as mommy instead of umma and ko-ri-yearn instead of...
“What’s ko-ri-yearn?”
“Ah, I meant Hangeul.” Vincent laughed, and lay his self down across Kyuhyun, head on his lap. “You’re weird.”
“This is nothing back in my old place.” He snuggled deeper into Kyuhyun’s tummy and that made the other boy giggled. “This is definitely something here in Korea.”
Vincent didn't reply, and he didn't move either, so Kyuhyun let him be the way he wanted to rest. The dancing bushes of leaves above their heads invited the streaming sunlight to strike subtly into the small gaps that they made and hit on Vincent’s fair skin, making him frown. “I hate sunlight right now.”
“What can you expect? It’s summer.” Kyuhyun sucked the last drop of the juice in his hand and threw the box back into the small, metal basket at the front of the handle of his bicycle, just a few metres away from his right.
“I hate the heat.” Vincent mumbled again.
-
-you know how sometimes you wanted to do something totally beyond the thinking of your sane mind? Sungmin always made me feel that way. not just once while he was sleeping on my shoulder under the tree that I felt like brushing our lips together, or just once when he was getting fully naked before he jumped into the cold, refreshing stream behind our school building that made me had the urge of hiding him away so that no one but me can see that all beautiful, pale skin of his. I always thought that I was weird for thinking such unthinkable things like this.
Kyuhyun woke up as the old bus’ tyres screeched and the door swished open. As soon as he stepped out from that very same (unfortunately) last bus that arrived in town, a young-looking man, yet Kyuhyun felt as if there was a certainty that he wasn't that young at all, greeted him. Kyuhyun stopped walking, and stared almost sharply but not sharp enough to make the young-looking man flinch or shiver in fear. “Oi you, stop giving me that. We’re not kids anymore.” Vincent laughed and playfully punched his shoulder, and Kyuhyun grinned weakly. There wasn't any awkwardness in the air around them, or was there?
He really wasn't so sure.
“So? Life’s been good to you?” Vincent bent his head slightly to the side where Kyuhyun was walking, lips curving a smile as par as to the curiosity of a ten years old boy who had just met a new friend in town, which was the age where they started off as friends almost twenty years back.
“If being able to eat when I feel necessary is what you mean then I’m probably just fine. Work is hardly worth enough for paying the bills.” Vincent chuckled, and slowly grabbed the blue knapsack from Kyuhyun’s left shoulder, but Kyuhyun pulled it back. Vincent refused to give in. “Guest should be treated with the finest hospitality.”
“That’s preposterous. I was born here, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Said someone who hasn’t been home for the last, what? Seven years? I’ve been more ko-ri-yearn than you were, Cho Kyuhyun.” Defeatedly, Kyuhyun let go of the knapsack and stuck out his tongue when Vincent growled as the force he used to pull it from Kyuhyun retaliated against him and made the knapsack brutally hit his chest. “Fine, I’m the bad guy.”
The walk back towards their house later was filled with reminiscing the old times, like how they used to think and imagine-dream-about everything they felt like they wanted to have, because that was how it was when you’re just young and innocent and hopeful and wasn't tied to anything called responsibility, an excuse that adults created so that they won't have to answer any oncoming questions after that. Sometimes, whenever Vincent wasn't looking, Kyuhyun would stare at his strands of ever honey-coloured hair dancing gently as the evening breeze waltzed with them. He liked it how the bright orange light cascaded over Vincent’s velvety skin, giving an illusion as if the gorgeous body was glowing.
He used to feel like embracing this body once. He still felt like embracing this body now. Embracing it, keeping it near his, marking every inch of its existence as his, making love to-
So you did understand. The feelings I’ve been holding to whenever we’re together. When Sungmin was next to me. When Sungmin was near me. When his breath was brushing against my chest as he slept without any worries under the big old tree.
- “...hyun! Kyuhyun!” his shoulders felt shaken, so Kyuhyun looked up to where the voice was coming from. Vincent looked so worried. “What happened?”
“That’s my line! You suddenly knelt down and groaned! Are you in pain or something? Should I get you the doctor?” Vincent’s hands on his cheeks felt so warm and lively and Kyuhyun wondered if they had ever been like that since before. “No, no I’m alright. You never know what might happen after three days without sleep, I tell you. I just need some rest.”
“Are you sure?” his eyes looked teary, and his lips went thin as he squeezed them together, a habit he has since they were kids.
“Yes. Just wipe that look off your face. Nobody’s dying, Vince.” He said before getting up.
-
The fragrance inside the newlywed’s bedroom was suffocating; Kyuhyun could never stand any longer than five minutes inside it, so he stormed outside of the room after handing the new satin bed sheet to his sister who was responsible for the decorations. “You shrimp! It’s just the potpourri!” he had no idea of why should Ahra yelled across the hallway like that but he also had no intention of covering up what was obviously one of his weakness. No one’s going to blame him for hating strong fragrances, anyway.
“Exactly what I hate. So stop being so noisy over trivial matters like this, you stupid old witch!” he yelled back, and a group of old women; their aunts, were laughing and started to say “oh exactly like how they’ve been since years ago” and “how I missed this sibling’s love” and Kyuhyun just didn't get it how yelling and fighting over silly stuff like this can be considered as sibling’s love.
“That witch, never fail to get me on my nerves.” He sighed as he leaned against the door frame of the old store room of the big main house of the Cho’s. His hand fished for the new box of Dunhill he bought yesterday at the only 24 hours convenient store in the town on his way back home with Vincent. The thin plastic that covered the red metallic box was still there; he hadn’t torn it off yet. Vincent’s words yesterday swam through his ears, and he laughed.
“You’ll die soon with that shit, idiot. You should stop smoking.”
“I’ll stop when I’m dead. Deal?” Vincent bit his lower lip, and grunted. Kyuhyun chuckled and apologised. “Sorry. I’ve worried you too much.”
“Yes you have.” He raised his left brow as Kyuhyun still paid for the box of cigarette and sighed. “But I guess that’s one of my purposes in life.”
“What is?” he asked, dumbly, and Vincent hit his stomach with the knapsack in his hand. “Hey I didn't let you carry it just so you can hit me with it.”
“Worrying about you.” Vincent faintly answered and walked out from the store, leaving him dumbfounded.
He ripped the thin red line of the plastic that kept the wrapping tight and pulled out a stick of nicotine before nipping it between his lips. He triggered the lighter and teased the wavering blue fire at the end of the cigarette, but stopped midway as he saw Vincent just outside the room, inside the backyard garden that his late grandfather had been taking care of when he was alive, dipping his legs inside the pond where they used to secretly jump in and chased the carps just because they could as little boys.
It was after a mere ten minutes of staring at the almost translucent skin of Vincent’s face being showered by the morning summer sunlight that carried a mysterious scent with it, seven minutes of admiring his light brown eyes, four minutes of tracing the beautiful jaw lines of his with his sinful pair of dark orbs, and two minutes of hesitation whether he should or should not interrupt the peaceful figure in front of him that Kyuhyun finally jumped off the small verandah outside the old door frame and strutted on the patio that surround the small garden towards Vincent. He had already forgo the idea of smoking earlier when he saw how Vincent was smiling as he bent down and sat next to him.
“Do you remember? Grandpa really treasured this little garden with all his might. Said that it was for someone he loved.” Kyuhyun said, and Vincent nodded. “Yeah, he did. And for some reasons, I still believe that it wasn't your grandma he was talking about.”
Kyuhyun laughed, and slowly paddled his legs inside the pond, chasing the carps that were still in good care around. “I thought so too, but then I had no idea of who was it that he loved other that my grandma, so I gave up. But you know...” he stared at Vincent for a few seconds before staring back at his own feet, “...I think he has been trying to say something to me in my sleep, sometimes.”
“Who?”
“Grandpa.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, eyes to eyes, as if they were talking a series of ‘I don't believe you’ and ‘I don't believe me myself’ and burst into laughter. “That was a good joke, Kyuhyun. I thought it has gone with the years you’ve been away from here.”
Silence but it wasn't awkward, and Kyuhyun loved how the familiar feelings finally enveloped them back when they’re together. “You’re teaching now? In here?” he asked absent-mindedly, and Vincent nodded, smiling. “U-huh, at our old high school. Life can be so unpredictable, yeah? I mean, here I am, mingling with kids when I was the brilliant kid who wanted to be a diplomat in school.” Kyuhyun chuckled, and mockingly sighed as in desperate for a good word to be said. “I have nothing to say about the dream, but Vince, you’re not so brilliant. Oh wait, not brilliant at all.”
“What was that?? I was brilliant!”
“So you’re not as brilliant anymore?”
Vincent grunted and hit Kyuhyun on the shoulder with the stick that he picked earlier near the pond. “Now I don't think I deserve that kind of treatment from a no brilliant kid like you!”
“Asshole,”
Vincent said, before he smiled and hummed a sad old song that Kyuhyun had never heard about as he lay his body down and started to stare at the moving clouds that tainted the clear sky above them. “I’m glad that you came back.”
“I never said I won't. Why are you being so serious about it?” he leaned back as both his hands prodding his weight, and Kyuhyun could feel Vincent’s body heat next to him. His heat was calming, and Kyuhyun thought ‘what wonderful nights I would have if this warmth was what welcoming me to bed’.
“Just because.” Though they both knew the reason why.
-mistakes happen. It wasn't what we had expected, that’s why we call it mistakes. But I didn't want to call it a mistake. When I had him in my arms that night, I never wanted to call it a mistake. It wasn't a mistake when I had his breath inside my mouth, his pale skin under my palms. It wasn't a mistake when I said ‘I love you’ even though we were both men. No it wasn't. And I was sure he didn't want to think of it as a mistake either. Not when he replied the harsh press of my lips against his with a gentle push, and a pair of warm arms that snaked around my shoulders and nape when I was inside him under the shades of the big old tree where we used to play as little boys, telling me to never let him go.
We never thought of it as a mistake. We were so sure it was love.
But others didn't.
-
“Are you guys’ gays?” Vincent almost spurt the juice out when the girl from the next class asked them the question. Kyuhyun laughed and wrapped one of his arms around Vincent’s neck and nodded. “I think we are. What about you, Vince?”
“I think...” he glanced at the smiling Kyuhyun, and thought ‘ah, there’s that smile again’ before he chuckled and said “...he’s bluffing. I hate cocks.” Kyuhyun laughed even louder and tightened his arm around Vincent’s neck before he pulled him down and knuckled his head. “Like you don't have one of that, huh, lover boy?” in the playful violence, he could hear the faint sighs of the girls around them, sighs that Kyuhyun could never and would never notice. Sungmin knew.
Kyuhyun was an oblivious bastard. He would never know how many admirers that were lurking around him, finding chances and opened spaces for them to get to know him better. And Vincent was one of the opened spaces.
“Please give this letter to him, it’s my feelings inside,” they said, and Vincent could never say no. because he was too nice, and too gentle, too understanding of what an unrequited love was (he thought he knew). He could never tell them “no he won't take this from you because he got me!” because he was never Kyuhyun’s. He wished he was, but unfortunately, he wasn't. Kyuhyun did say that Vincent was his, but Vincent doubted that.
He thought he was the worse, he was even worse than the girls who confessed through the letters and cried when rejected. Because he had no guts in confessing, and he had no guts in embracing the rejection. So he thought of keeping Kyuhyun close, because that was the only thing that he was capable of doing.
“Am I not up to your taste?” Kyuhyun suddenly asked after the final bell rang for that day. Vincent stopped shoving the books inside his brown leather bag, and turned around to face Kyuhyun who was sitting behind him. Vincent felt a sudden heat rushed up his cheeks, and bit his lower lip. “You’re bad with jokes. Let’s go home.”
“Seriously? Am I that bad?” Kyuhyun laughed, and palmed his face. Vincent took it as a way of his lame joke, so he missed the hurt look that Kyuhyun had behind those palms and fingers. Vincent swallowed the somewhat big lump that gathered in his throat, and forced a laughter that didn't sound so real even to his self, at all.
“Yes you are.” And walked out from the classroom with an audible series of heart beats.
-
“These carps look delicious.” Kyuhyun said, face crimsoning from the alcohol that the elders forced him to have earlier on. Vincent giggled and dropped on his knees next to the squatting Kyuhyun, watching the said fish swimming energetically under the bright moonlight. “Your gramps won't be so happy to hear that coming from you.”
“But seriously! He fed these monsters a tad too much, don't you think?” Vincent grimaced, and took a few seconds before nodding to Kyuhyun’s words. “I guess he just did.” Kyuhyun hummed, satisfied with the confirmation, and fell down on his butt after he lost his balance. Carefully, Vincent caught him and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Kyuhyun laughed like a kid, and buried his face inside Vincent’s white shirt.
“I wonder if the old tree is still there.”
“Still there. There were rumours that a rich man was going to buy the land where it stands last year, but I guess he cancelled it.” Vincent told him, and Kyuhyun hummed again. “Let’s go there now, now that we’re done with the wedding.”
“Huh? It’s late, and no we’re not done with the wedding yet, Kyuhyun. There’s still the washing and tidying up the dishes-” Kyuhyun put a finger on his lips, and Vincent stopped talking.
“You’re so noisy.”
It took Vincent twenty two seconds to figure out that the soft flesh that pressed against his lips were Kyuhyun’s. There was something wet that tasted like medium-quality soju and rice cakes and mint and Dunhill thrusting inside his mouth, licking his gums and teeth, sucking his tongue. Kyuhyun was now crouching above him, pinning his shoulders, undoing the necktie and buttons of the shirt he wore. It took him another ten seconds later to finally realise what was happening, and pushed Kyuhyun away as hard as he could.
There was that look in Kyuhyun’s eyes. That hurt look.
“Nine years ago, you did the same thing to me, nine years ago.”
Vincent’s eyes flashed a memory of a totally wasted Kyuhyun, and a small party of two for celebrating Kyuhyun’s entrance to the university he aimed for into the course that he dreamed of. How could he forget about that? It was like a dream come true.
“Am I really not up to your taste? Am I that bad? Am I really just a friend? Can't I become someone more than a friend?” Vincent palmed his ears, refusing to listen to anymore of the words that came out from Kyuhyun.
“I love-”
“Stop! Don't say it!” Vincent pleaded, and Kyuhyun jolted. There were tears in both their eyes. “Why?”
“Please, that is the last thing I wanted to hear from you. I beg of you, Kyuhyun, stop torturing me.” Kyuhyun stood up, wiped his tears with his sleeves, and breathed in. There were choked sounds following his voice.
“I thought you were happy that I came back. It was a lie, wasn't it?”
-
-he came running to me; his legs were covered in bruises, his forehead was bleeding, his pale lips were dry and cracked. He said he ran from his family’s mansion, because they forbid him to see me anymore. They hated the facts that I loved him, and he loved me. They despised the fate that brought us together. If only I was someone from a noble family, if only I was someone with money; and I am sure they’d never treated us this way. They would never dare to put even a finger on Sungmin’s pale skin.
I never knew being in love could be this painful, I never did. I never realise to be in love with someone could make the other felt the torture, too.
But he said he wanted to be together with me. He said ‘damn the money when I have you!’ He said to never let him go.
He could feel the warm fluid rolling down his cheeks as he opened his eyes the next morning. Kyuhyun rested his left arm above his forehead, oh how he hated the strings of morning sunlight that felt burning through the blinds of the window in his old bedroom.
“Oi, brat! Get up and have your breakfast! There’s gonna be a family gathering later in the afternoon!” his mom’s voice slightly croaked, probably because she had to use a high pitch so early in the morning, or it was just that she was getting old. Kyuhyun groaned loudly, a sign telling her that he’s getting up and sighed as he listened to her footsteps distancing themselves from his door. Despite his audible obedience, two minutes later Kyuhyun found himself slamming his back against the hard old bed, swaying himself with the singing cicadas welcoming the warmth of the summer.
He liked it how he and Vincent were always in sync. How they understood each other without being spoken. Like how he hummed to Vincent at lunch break and they’d be both absent from the classes after lunch, or how Vincent laughed at him when he took off his uniform and tied it around his waist, and soon they’d be plunging themselves into the depth of the cool stream behind the old, left out school building just five hundred metres away from their houses. He believed there was something between them, there was an invisible string connecting them. He knew it was there. But now, after what happened last night, which he wished it was a dream but apparently it wasn't, because he could feel the hatred and disappointment towards himself, he wondered if the string was only existed inside him. Or just another wishful dream of his.
It was the same, nine years ago. They were both drunk, they were both heated. They were both in love, or so that he would like to think. Hell, if holding hands and feeling the other’s heart beats vibrated through your very own skin and flesh wasn't love, Kyuhyun could never really find another answer for it. So he thought Vincent understands. Vincent has always been the one who understands so well, so why wouldn’t he, right?
Kyuhyun pulled the cotton pillow underneath his head and slammed it against his face, growled, and then screamed to his heart contents. He still remember the warm fingers that fit inside the rows of his own, and the chest that kept going up and down, aggressively responding to every kiss and lick and suck and touch that he put on Vincent’s skin. Kyuhyun remembered everything. Even the subtle push that Vincent gave him when he was unbuckling his belt, and the silent “not right now,” and “I’m sorry” that Vincent whispered after he pretended to be asleep just so he could hide his embarrassment of the rejection.
Kyuhyun screamed again, because he still remember of the cold morning and the ruffled up bed sheet next to his right where Vincent was supposed to be, and the months of suffering because, because because Vincent wasn't there, Vincent wasn't at home, Vincent wasn't anywhere. And he screamed again, but this time no voice came out; his throat was too sore to even speak, because he recalled the years of waiting for someone who wasn't waiting for him. Oh when did he start to forget every little thing about this particular Vincent Lee?
Kyuhyun guessed he never did.
“I shouldn’t come back, I shouldn’t.”
-
-‘let’s leave this town,’ he said, as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his bruised forehead. Sungmin’s pale fingers ran up my forearms and down again, as if he was making sure that I was real, I was there, and it was really me who was embracing him. ‘Let’s leave everything that hurt us. Let’s leave everyone that thinks we are disgusting.’ I chuckled, kissed the crown of his head, and I could hear his face frowning. I told him how emotional he was, how childish and how selfish his plans were. He bit my left hand and pulled my face closer to his as I grunted painfully, and forced his lips onto mine. A few silent minutes, a passionate eye contest, hands that started to taste every parts of his velvety skin and I asked him why. He laughed silently, and kissed my lips again, accusing me for ‘not taking things I’ve said seriously’.
‘I laughed since I think it was funny to see your serious face, but I didn't say anything about not doing it, or did I?’
“Kyuhyun, stop staring like I’ve just taken away your childhood crush you dumbass.”
Kyuhyun could hear the bowl of rice that was perfectly gripped in his hands just now fell and broke, just a few inches away missing his toes. The elders gasped, and then started laughing, saying “oh look now the younger feels threatened!” and “they must’ve had wonderful days as siblings together!” and Kyuhyun were just suppressing his inner urge to scream and yell and curse and tell those people to shut the hell up and listen, listen listen to him before anything else. Listen to him, because nobody had ever listened to him, not even-
“Kyuhyun, why don't you sit down first and take a deep breath?” his mother reached out for his hand, and calmed him down, caressing the back of his palm with her now wrinkled thumb. His sister frowned, and pulled the man that was going to marry her as she had announced before near to her. The big family members that were gathered inside the dining hall of the main house were going ‘ohs!’ and ‘ahs!’ as Ahra leaned her head onto the stiff man’s shoulder, and sleeked over the frown on her face with a smile, hands weren’t leaving the man’s grip.
“So ladies and gentlemen, as the news has spread out, the wedding will be held in six months time from now, and you, Cho Kyuhyun, you better be here at least two days before the wedding, or I’ll curse you with a fat, slobby lady as a wife!” Kyuhyun breathed in, and out, and in, and calmed his self down. ‘Relax, Kyuhyun, you’re not a kid anymore’ and grinned.
“Yeah sure I’ll be here. Sorry guys, I was just freaked out to know that a witch just found herself a husband to be cooked.”
“Vince’s gonna get cooked!” someone yelled and the guests burst out laughing. Kyuhyun laughed too, trying to resist the overwhelming stare that was full of guilt and apology, yet now was owned by Ahra to give her the love that Kyuhyun had longed for.
-
“You’re doing it again.” Kyuhyun cursed under his breath when the bushes of the decorating Japanese bamboos around the pond rustled, and Vincent, with his white pyjamas and his pale skin emerged from behind them, ghostly glowing from the light reflected by Mr. Moon that was loved by Mr. Sun. Vincent chuckled and promptly jumped and sat next to the squatting teenager that was holding a fishing net in his hand.
“Can you not showing up in that hideous costume?” he scolded Vincent, sternly but silent enough so that no one would wake up and found out about their crime (now that Vincent was here it became both their crime) in his gramps’ beloved pond. “What? It’s my PJ, you fucking chicken. And what’s with this carps-kidnapping again? Didn’t you have plenty last time you sold them?” he chided, yet still he caught the other end of the fishing net that was spread wide in Kyuhyun’s hands.
“Still need at least five more. Now you better help me out with this,” he said nonchalantly, and yanked the net together after he gave Vincent the signal. A poor carp were flipping and flailing as it fell onto the hard, black-stoned pavements that surround the pond. Kyuhyun smirked as he quickly untangled the thin, strong plastic thread around the carp’s gills and kissed its gaping mouth that was desperate for water before throwing it into the red bucket a few steps behind him. Vincent chuckled and sighed, saying “damn it man you’re disgusting” and “that fish suffered enough” as he let go of the net and stared at the swimming carp inside the bucket which apparently wasn't aware of the fact that something evil just had been done towards it.
“Don't you already have your allowance from your parents? Last time Ahra told me she even gave you half of hers because you helped her with her homework.” Vincent asked while poking the caught fish. Kyuhyun clucked his tongue and landed hard on his bum next to his friend. “What is it that going on between you two? She’s being too clingy around you damn it.” Vincent giggled, “You sound as if you’re jealous of her.”
“I am,” Kyuhyun said, with a sense of seriousness in his voice, and a face that said ‘can't you see it already?’ and made Vincent blush. This was what he hated about Kyuhyun. He didn't know where or when he should joke about being serious and being insensitive towards others like this. He made Vincent flutter, happy, extremely happy, genuinely happy, and then he crushed them with a laugh. So Vincent thought ‘ah he’ll be laughing soon so I better ignore this’ and smiled.
“But seriously, what are you going to do with all that money you have? A new game is coming out? Or is it that you are going on a date or something?” Vincent asked again when Kyuhyun was bending and peeking inside the pond to find another valuable victim to be caught and slaughtered (sold) and it was replied with a heavy sigh followed by “I don't think we’re gonna make it tonight if you’re being too noisy like this, Vince,” before Kyuhyun pulled up the fish net from inside the pond, and threw it somewhere into the thick bushes behind them, making a rustling sound as it crushed the small branches. Vincent pouted, stood up and walked towards the low veranda just ten steps away from where they were standing.
“Didn't I tell you before? I’m going to leave this town once we graduated. There’s a lot of things await me out there,” he said nonchalantly, leaving Vincent wearing a troubled face. “No you didn't. I never heard anything like this before.” Kyuhyun eyes squinted, and he rubbed his chin with his left hand. “I didn't? Oh well, now you do know about it, so you have to come with me.” again, this was what Vincent hated about Kyuhyun. He planned everything just to his liking without a care about others. Not that he had a problem or anything with it.
“Don't joke about this, Kyuhyun. It’s not funny.” Vincent turned his head to the other side, refusing to show his pink-tinted cheeks to Kyuhyun (though he doubted the lad would see it in the night) and made small circles with his fingertips on the wooden plank, thinking about what Kyuhyun’s next answer would be.
“What? You don't want to be with me?” Kyuhyun pulled his shoulder so that he could see Vincent’s face, and was shocked to see that this Vincent Lee could be so red even though it was in the night where the temperature was fairly cold and the dim lighting around the pond. The crickets were silent for a minute, just like how Kyuhyun’s heart was. Or probably both of their hearts were.
“I... I’d prefer to be with Ahra than eloping together with you!” Vincent said, subtly pushing Kyuhyun away from him and stood up, his hands were clutching his chest. Oh god please god don't make him hear my heart beats, he wished but apparently Kyuhyun too, was busy listening to his own drumming heart. Kyuhyun then laughed, laughed and laughed before he said “nobody said about eloping, we’re going to tell our parents first,” and grabbed Vincent’s right hand before he pulled it near his chest.
“But please don't ditch me for Ahra, or I’ll be sad.”
Vincent thought he was in heaven and Kyuhyun was the angel that he longed to hug, so he nodded without even realising it.
-
It was Sunday when we decided to leave the town. Leaving the houses where we had live in for the rest of our years of life, leaving the family that we will always hold hear in our hearts, leaving the stream behind our school building where I first realised that I loved him, leaving the big old tree on top of the mountain at the end of the village where we had our first kiss. Our entwined hands were warm because we never let go since the moment we left our secret hut.
Sungmin’s been talking about where to live and what to do after we reach our unplanned destination and I was too busy to care about anything when I saw his glittering eyes as he spoke since the first moment we sat at our seats inside the train. There were people outside the windows looking in at their families and relatives and women were crying because because they were about to let go of someone dear to them.
I was certainly sure when I made the decision to leave the town. I was ready to have a new life away from the things that would make us suffer. That was what I had in mind when I listened to Sungmin’s happy voice. We were supposed to be happy. Because we loved each other.
“This is it, right?” he asked, hands tightened around my arm, as if I’d run away if he let me go, and looked deeply into my eyes.
“Yes it is,” I said, assuring him that everything was going to be alright. Because I thought we only needed each other then.
-
Because LJ word limit sucks, so let's go to the next part.