Lost
Lost; Heechul!centric, Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Hangeng, Ryeowook; one-shot, romance, friendship, college!AU; PG-15; the boy band Super Junior belongs to SM Entertainment and to their selves respectively. I disown anything that you recognized in this fiction, except for the style of writing and plots. Any original characters’ names that resemble real life persons are purely coincidental.
Summary: Kim Heechul loves Lee Sungmin. He loves him very much he doesn’t want anyone to hurts or breaks him. He loves Lee Sungmin unconditionally he doesn’t even have a clue why. So when this Cho Kyuhyun appeared one day out of nowhere, clinging to Lee Sungmin (not really though) drenched in the muddy rain, shivering like a sewer rat, he thought ‘shit not another bastard this fucking naivety of Lee Sungmin has to stop’.
A/N: Hi. Wow, months has passed since my last story. I hope new readers have read at least one of my fics, and old readers still remember me. So much going on in life, and I was pondering if I ever have the time to finish my series. But then, this fandom is my secret place. I won't abandon it. I miss everyone. :')
P/S: Also, this is the [050. Lost, Heechul/Kyuhyun]
---
Lost;
No longer in your possession or control; unable to be found or recovered;
Having lost your bearings; confused as to time, place or personal identity;
Spiritually or physically doomed or destroyed;
Not gained or won;
Incapable of being recovered or regained;
Not caught with the senses or the mind
Heechul has a rule in this house - he never let anyone gets the door before him whenever he’s around. Kyuhyun figured it that much. Although he has nothing to complain about it since it’s not an unhealthy habit or anything. Probably it is rather a good one too. Not everyone is so eager to get the door when they are supposed to, not Kyuhyun at least when he is the top warrior in the long unending war against the evils.
“Who’s that?” he would ask when Heechul returns from the front door hugging a few packs of brown paper bag in his left arm.
(Kyuhyun thinks he looks annoyed, but Heechul has always been annoyed by everyone)
“Delivery,” he would say, throwing a few packs with Kyuhyun’s name on them to the owner and stomps his feet while he is on the way to his room with his own packages. Kyuhyun swears Heechul is always saying something when he’s in that particular mood, but Kyuhyun is sure it’s not cursing.
(Somehow he gets this feeling that Heechul had had enough of cursing in his life)
-
He moved in with Heechul six months ago just when he started his university life. He was supposed to be a part of the campus resident if not for some hideous mistakes in the management of the residency office. God damn it weren’t they supposed to inform such important information to the involved person earlier; before he arrived in this alien city, before he stepped inside the place where he thought he belonged to?
(Apparently they didn’t)
He was squatting near a corner of the what supposed to be his dorm, counting the hours before the day start to rain and the sky turn dark and how he didn’t have a roof on top of his head when a guy in grey hoodie and spikey hair with piercings on both ears came and hovered him with a pink umbrella, giving him a gentle yet concern smile.
“Freshman?” he asked. Kyuhyun nodded. “The welcoming party was two days ago. Your class should start tomorrow. What are you doing here?” he asked again. Kyuhyun wasn’t really listening. He watched the silver earrings that sparkled when the light of a car beamed their way and made their eyes squinted. He breathed in, and hugged his knees. Somehow he felt hopeless been tossed around by something so trivial like this.
“…were you on the waiting list?” Kyuhyun duck his head even lower. Oh yeah, fine. He understands. He understands it perfectly. There’s no way someone who got in miraculously from the waiting list to be placed inside the campus’ dorm. Wow that would be definitely a miracle itself.
“This damn, biased university.” He said. The man in hoodie laughed, and pulled his arm forcing him to get up. Kyuhyun didn’t say anything; obligation came naturally when he saw the smile on the guy’s face.
(and the way rain water dripped and ran along his jaw line down to his collarbones)
“Damn, biased university indeed. Come, I have a place for you,” he said, and pulled Kyuhyun to be under his umbrella before they ran scissoring through the heavy rain. Kyuhyun sneezed a few times, looked back a few times worrying about his luggage.
“I’ll call a friend to take care of your things until we take them back tomorrow,” the guy said. Kyuhyun nodded and whispered thanks.
“It’s nothing. I’m Lee Sungmin, by the way. Language division, second year. English major. You?”
Kyuhyun looked at his face, and smiled weakly.
“Cho Kyuhyun.”
-
Heechul screamed, cursed about Sungmin bringing in a complete stranger (a wet one too) into his apartment and practically trashing around the living room for a few times when they walked in. Sungmin didn’t seem to be intimidated by it; rather he seemed to be pleased with this kind of reaction.
“It would’ve been even more terrifying if he didn’t say anything, actually,” he said when Heechul finally calmed down and nodded after listening to Sungmin reasoning his judgement. Standing in a corner, shirt drenched like a rat from sewer earlier, Kyuhyun made a mental note to learn the ways of taming Kim Heechul from this Lee Sungmin if he ever wanted to survive living with him (he does seem dangerous sometimes).
“So, I’ve called my friend and your stuff is with him. Tomorrow after you registered you classes and find out the lecture halls, we’ll go and fetch them, okay? And here’s my number, in case you need anything and Heechul is being too scary for you to ask him,” he handed a small piece of paper while Kyuhyun was drying his hair. Kyuhyun said thanks, and Sungmin smiled.
Kyuhyun got this impression that Sungmin was staring at his body when he was putting on the pyjamas Heechul lent him (with a heavy heart). He thought he was right because Sungmin’s face turned red and he looked the other way the moment Kyuhyun looked at his way.
That first night after he settled in comfortably and made himself a cup of instant coffee, Heechul started to talk about rent and what he should and should not do, and that was the first time he heard about the rule of the door.
“If I’m at home, I’ll get the door. The old mobile phone next to the shoe rack is mine, so if it rings don’t answer it. Don’t open any messages. Don’t touch it.”
“Why?”
“Because I own this fucking house and you’re paying me the rent.” Kyuhyun nodded retreated, and took one final sip from his cup. Heechul watched him with an odd interest. “Anything else?”
“If you’re not open to homosexuality, stay away from Sungmin. He’s gay, and he’s been hurt far too much by fucking straight guys like you.” Kyuhyun chuckled, and Heechul winced.
“What?”
“You’re too late.”
A month later, Heechul caught them half naked in the living room when he returned from a research trip in Japan; limbs entangled and lips connected. He cursed, told them to “find a fucking room, bastards!” and dashed out the door after throwing some crackers he got them for souvenirs.
-
Kyuhyun can’t remember seeing Heechul in any pre-coitus situation like how Heechul always caught him with Sungmin.
“I don’t think he ever had a lover, at all. I don’t know which side he’s in anyway. A friend; a guy friend of mine - Choi Siwon, you remember that rich kid with Audi R8 ride? - confessed to him once but he blatantly rejected him. He said he’s not into men. But…” Kyuhyun is playing with Sungmin’s bed hair, listening and at the same time thinking how talkative this lover he own right now could be. Sungmin snuggles a tad deeper into his chest, sniffing the purple hoodie he had on since last night, complaining about how stinky he is and giggles - Kyuhyun could never win that giggle.
“But he ignores girl’s confessions even worse. Not even listening to them.”
“He could be asexual. You know, just in love with himself.” Sungmin gets up and pushes his bang away from his forehead while looking for some rubber bands to tie them. Kyuhyun reaches for one from his night stand and naturally helps him to make one. Somehow it ends up into several small ponytails sticking out from Sungmin’s head.
“Could be. Well he seems like it. I don’t know. Why are we talking about him anyway? Are you trying to get into his pants now?” Sungmin shoots him a deathly glare, and Kyuhyun pinches his nose, laughing. Sungmin groans, not really appreciating it.
Oh Sungmin sweet Sungmin how could I ever thought of that when I have you? But Kyuhyun don’t want to let that out because it is cheesy and somewhat disturbing, so he pulls Sungmin in for a quick kiss.
“Depends on how good you are on tonight’s dinner.”
“And supper?” Sungmin asks, biting him on his lower lip.
“And supper.”
-
He wish he could help Sungmin preparing the dinner; they always have dinner on weekends with half of the residents in the apartment building when there are no classes and everyone is not busy, and Sungmin has learned a new recipe and the study loans are finally distributed for students and they can afford foods better than they usually could. Kyuhyun would tell Heechul to come home early from his part time jobs and Heechul would yell at him saying he’s not free and Sungmin would always take it from there and in the end Heechul would be the one to finish all the dishes.
But tonight he had broken a bowl, wasted three eggs on the floor, ruining a dish by making it too spicy (Sungmin fixed that fast), and in the end was chased out by Ryeowook, Sungmin’s roommate who is an expert in cooking that came to Sungmin’s rescue when he was about to sexually harassing his lover as Sungmin was bending down and picking up the pieces of eggshells on the floor.
Heechul is late and Kyuhyun doesn’t have a friend to converse with so he continues with the bloody game he bought last week on his PC. That ghost game which Sungmin despises very much thanks to the violent graphic and jawless monsters. Suddenly, the old phone Heechul warned him about six months ago rings for the first time since Kyuhyun moved into the house, and he is pretty much flabbergasted.
“What are you waiting for? Answer it and help us serve all the dishes,” Sungmin half-shouts from the kitchen, his head poking out from the door and Kyuhyun could hear Ryeowook saying something nasty about him. But he is too busy contemplating whether he should or should not answer it. What if Heechul comes home while he is talking? What if he got thrown out for touching it? Maybe Heechul installed a secret camera around the rack so that he would know when Kyuhyun touches his stuff. Who knows? It’s goddamn Heechul we’re talking about.
“Oh for goodness sake I’m going to throw out that fucking computer when I’m done!” Sungmin rushes out from the kitchen when the phone starts to ring the second time. Kyuhyun wants to stop him and tell him how Heechul was so serious about it but he wonders why he doesn’t move his legs.
Maybe he wants to know. Maybe he cares about Heechul’s stuff after all. Who wouldn’t be curious when someone warned you to not to touch something that is so obvious like that?
Sungmin hisses when he sees Kyuhyun not moving an inch, and picks the phone up. “Kim Heechul, but he left his phone at the moment, so can I like take a note or something?” Sungmin asks formally, wiping some tomato ketchup that splattered on his cheeks. God knows what he was doing with its poor bottle back then.
Sungmin grabs a stick-it note from the drawer and looks for a pen but he can’t locate one so he gestures Kyuhyun in urgent to pass him the pen on the table in front of him. Kyuhyun throws one and Sungmin smiles contented as he catches it perfectly.
“Weird,” Sungmin mutters as he passes the note to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun reads it, chews his lower lip and reads again. “Weird what? What do you mean?”
“Is he expecting someone to visit from China? That guy,” he gestures the paper in Kyuhyun’s hands as Kyuhyun reads Sungmin’s neat handwriting of ‘Hangeng’ and ‘000 Hotel, Seoul’. “He said to tell Heechul that he’ll be waiting.”
Kyuhyun folds the note and slides it into his pocket when Sungmin is not watching.
-
Heechul couldn’t make it for dinner that night, so Sungmin wrapped some pastas and salads and probably a bowl of the curry Kyuhyun ruined earlier (oh so we call it curry?) and stuffed them into the two-doors fridge in the kitchen and reminds Kyuhyun to tell Heechul to reheat them first or else he’s going to eat them frozen and gets himself a bloated tummy. Kyuhyun groans and nods unwillingly because Sungmin rejects his offer to sleepover tonight when Kyuhyun’s hormones are raging like hell (like a girl after menstrual).
“Come on, tomorrow is Saturday! Can’t you stay a bit longer? We can watch movies,” his last word turns into a mumble as Ryeowook pushes him away from Sungmin and grabs his lover towards the door.
“No because tomorrow we’re doing part-times and by movies I’m assuming ninety-nine per cent of them would be porn. Good night Kyuhyun,” he says rushing, but Sungmin pulls his hand away and tells him to wait or he can always go home first to their apartment because “I promised him something,” so he walks back inside towards the sulking bastard who are waiting behind the door. Ryeowook huffs and groans dissatisfied while he crosses his arms and waits for Sungmin in the hallway.
(What a stubborn oblivious bastard)
“How’re the dishes? Were they good?” he asks, hands reaching Kyuhyun’s cheeks and hair. Kyuhyun nods, still sulking. “They were almost perfect, if only you’d stay tonight.” Sungmin chuckles and his hands reach Kyuhyun’s ears. They are cold as always. He already has that figured out the first day they exchanged their kisses. That night when Kyuhyun was feverish and Heechul wasn’t at home (Sungmin bet he wouldn’t do anything even if he was) and Sungmin was there to fix him a warm porridge and Kyuhyun was too overdosed with the pills he got from the clinic earlier and he thought that first kiss was a dream. But the next day when Sungmin came again to see him and tried to touch his forehead for temperature, he felt the same warm hands and he was sure he wasn’t dreaming last night so he reached for their second kiss.
“Sorry it was a sudden call. The girl who is supposed to be working tomorrow suddenly quits,” he says as their foreheads connect. Kyuhyun purses his lips, and pulls Sungmin by the nape. “I’m going to find that girl and make her life miserable for this,” he whispers, and kisses Sungmin’s ear as his boyfriend chuckles to his oath of vengeance.
“Don’t you have your part-time too, tomorrow? That home tutor thingie. I think your students like you very much even though you suck at teaching,” Sungmin teases him and laughs and Kyuhyun feels as if Sungmin is trying to kill his temporary will of abstinence. Afraid that he might do something unnecessary, he pushes Sungmin up against the door causing it to slammed shut and ravishes the latter’s lips and chin and cheeks with hands trying too hard not to snake around under his thick layer of cardigan. Three minutes later, the kiss stops with a peck on Kyuhyun’s nose and they are both giggling to Ryeowook’s nagging outside the apartment.
“Somebody needs to tape that bastard’s mouth,” Kyuhyun says as Sungmin fixes his clothes and hair. Sungmin scrunches his nose and pinches Kyuhyun’s cheeks as hard as he can.
“That bastard is my best friend, you bastard.”
“I know. Too bad he is. If he wasn’t I’m not sure what kind of bad luck would’ve befallen onto him, good Lord,” he laughs silently after the last word which makes the mood seems a little bit scary so Sungmin kisses his cheeks and opens the door to get out when Heechul suddenly appears standing while chatting a little bit with Ryeowook about the dinner tonight (he was just figuring out the dishes he would have later) in the hallway.
“You horny, hyperactive baboons. Get yourself a room! I don’t want to see any disgusting stain on my carpet or my shoe rack. Now move,” he scolds and smacks Sungmin on the back of his head as he sticks his tongue out and runs towards Ryeowook. Kyuhyun waves at him and Sungmin shouts “good night lads!” before they both walk to the stairs.
“Geez Kyuhyun you look too damn happy it feels like there’s a sun in here.” Kyuhyun laughs as he shuts the door close and follows Heechul into the house. “Stop that, you’re creeping me out, man,” Heechul says as he unfolds the scarf around his neck and tosses it towards Kyuhyun. Instinctively Kyuhyun leaps a little and safely catches the scarf before it lands on the floor near the shoe rack. Heechul grimaces for a few seconds, trying to deny the fact that this Kyuhyun bastard has finally fit in with his way of doing things and how he is just the same with Kyuhyun’s, just for a few seconds before he yawns and rubs his belly, mutters “I’m fucking hungry, man” and dashes into the kitchen preying on Sungmin and Ryeowook’s hard work.
Kyuhyun hangs the scarf onto the coat hanger that he and Heechul bought on impulse during a garage sale a few blocks down their apartment a month after he moved in; a white, wooden coat hanger with seven spinning hands on its top where you’re supposed to hang the coats and a flat base to make it stand, and then throws himself onto the old couch in front of the television. He doesn’t turn the television on; he’s not going to. From where he sits, he can see Heechul taking out the dishes and putting them into the microwave - hey you really shouldn’t stack three containers together like that - and lets out a satisfied smile when the timer on the microwave starts counting.
--Five minutes
Kyuhyun fishes into his pocket, fingers grazing the surface of the note that Sungmin gave him earlier. He stares at the timer ticking on the small screen in between the buttons on the microwave - three minutes - and it feels as if the only suitable time to tell Heechul about the note is right now, now that the timer is still ticking - two minutes - now while Heechul is busy boiling up the water for his instant coffee and is spacing out listening to the rumbling sound the kettle makes.
--One minute
Heechul waited long enough for the phone to ring. He can always wait a little more, can’t he?
--Fifty-three seconds
But he’ll be fucking mad if he knew someone touched his precious phone
--Forty-four seconds
“What’s the fucking matter with you, man? Stop fucking staring at me like that dumbass,” foul words falling without restrain from those pretty lips for too many times now Kyuhyun has gotten used to it. The simple grazing his fingers did on the note now turns into some crumpling gesture. His hands are sweaty.
--Twenty-six seconds
“Fucking microwave I’m hungry, this is taking too long,” and Heechul stops the timer. Kyuhyun jolts with the sudden action, and he lets go of the note inside his pocket. It feels as if Heechul was stopping his time when he turned off the timer just like that.
“Damn it, man. I was counting the minutes, you piece of shit.”
“What? I’m hungry. And what the hell are you counting the minutes for?” he asks, slurping on the pasta puttanesca (because the veggies that Sungmin asked him to buy were not available in the nearest mall and Kyuhyun was too lazy to find it somewhere else so puttanesca it is) while his other hand is scrolling the smartphone, checking his mails for any new assignments given by his course advisor.
Kyuhyun sighs, and walks into the kitchen where Heechul is. His brain continues to count from where the microwave left earlier.
--Twenty-five seconds
“The curry’s in the blue container, if you want I can reheat it for you.”
“Na-ah, we’ll have that at breakfast. Sungmin’s gonna leave early tomorrow, right? He got a part-time replacement to fill. Aaah and I was about to ask him for that sexy pancakes. Damn it,” Heechul curses, mouth still gobbling up all the pasta in his plate.
--Twenty seconds
Kyuhyun opens the fridge; a few seconds ago his brain decided that his body needs cold water. Grabbing an unopened bottle of mineral drink, he pulls the chair in front of where Heechul is sitting and drinks it like an elephant. The water is cooling, and for a moment it feels so cool and refreshing that he actually finds the guts to tell it to Heechul.
“The phone rang.” Heechul dropped his fork. Kyuhyun was kind of expecting that reaction. He also expected for Heechul to look very disturbed; eyes can’t even focused on one thing because thousands of thoughts are piercing his brain, rummaging the lines of his blood and adrenalin, probably thinking about things he never spoke to anyone before. Things that probably got nothing to do with his rudeness (hey, his first cry was a cursing if baby talks were ever translated properly) but surely most of them are the shits that keeps him awake at nights and glares at Kyuhyun whenever he goes out to the kitchen because Sungmin is staying.
“Y-you didn’t… did you?” Heechul asks, his loud voice turns timid and wavering. Kyuhyun bites his lower lip and breathes out. “No, I didn’t answer it.”
Heechul shuts his eyes and the sides of his lips lift upwards. Kyuhyun feels somewhat guilty.
“Sungmin did, though, and I wasn’t able to stop him,” he says, sliding the note with the name and hotel written across the table until it reaches Heechul’s plate. Heechul seems flabbergasted.
“Nosey bastards,” he lets out after two minutes of silence. Kyuhyun laughs because he knows that Heechul knows that he didn’t stop Sungmin from answering the phone. Heechul isn’t stupid. He might be ignoring the basic of being human which is common sense but that doesn’t mean he is lacking of them. He just chose to not to fret over what people would think of him. After all, that is what common sense is all about, isn’t it? To think for what the others would think about you for the others’ comfort. Heechul wouldn’t give a damn about that, really. If he says he’s going to the beach naked, please don’t try to stop him, or he’ll make you join him, too.
“He’s not going to wait forever, you know, whoever that Hangeng might be.” Kyuhyun says, hands on the table, pushing his chin up. Heechul looks at the note in front of him, fingers trying to reach it yet they are hesitating.
“What if… what if he decides to wait? What if he doesn’t care if it’ll take forever?” he asks almost unheard, but Kyuhyun gets the words. Kyuhyun grabs a prawn from Heechul’s plate because he knows Heechul hates sharing food with everyone. And he is right because in split seconds there is a fork flying from Heechul’s hand towards him, but it drops down before Kyuhyun could even dodge, thank God.
“Dude, he’s not you. He doesn’t have your heart or your brain so he won’t know what you feel or think all this time. So go and spill everything that you’ve been keeping all this while, and then decide. Decide if he is worth your time.”
“What makes you think I’ve been waiting?”
Kyuhyun smirks. Heechul winces.
“Common sense. Because I just hate that fugly phone.”
-
Kim Heechul loves Lee Sungmin. He loves him very much he doesn’t want anyone to hurts or breaks him. He loves Lee Sungmin unconditionally he doesn’t even have a clue why. So when this Cho Kyuhyun appeared one day out of nowhere, clinging to Lee Sungmin (not really though) drenched in the muddy rain, shivering like a sewer rat, he thought ‘shit not another bastard this fucking naivety of Lee Sungmin has to stop’.
So Kim Heechul did everything that a good brother (or brother-like) would do - he planned everything that would get them apart. Well it wasn’t easy, since Sungmin has been so smitten by the invisible charm he claimed Kyuhyun emitted sometimes (strange Heechul never feel that) and Cho Kyuhyun seemed as if he didn’t have a single flaw (except that he’s a lazy bastard) that Heechul thought ‘oh shit Sungmin’s gonna hurt again’ for almost every second of the early days when Sungmin was still blushing every time he saw Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun was still trying to figure out what was all the pinkish cheeks for.
Kim Heechul really used to hate Cho Kyuhyun. He can’t cook, he is too lazy to even find his own pair of socks he wore different colours once when they were planning of eating out (Sungmin told him it’s okay to wear sandals since it was summer anyway), and he eats like a pig (Heechul hates competition). When he talks, everything that comes out from his lips is sarcasm (Heechul really hates competition) and sometimes he reads people very well it’s hard to ignore anything that he pointed out.
Cho Kyuhyun reads Kim Heechul pretty damn well that it pisses him off
Heechul loves Sungmin, so when Sungmin finally acknowledged his feelings for that darn brat, Heechul had this strange urge to pull that naïve kid away from the spacey Kyuhyun and hide him somewhere, somewhere far away (maybe in a wardrobe with a secret passage through Narnia) so Sungmin wouldn’t have to face nights with warm blankets and snotty tissues again. Kim Heechul was that prepared.
So while he was hiding behind his own bedroom door as Sungmin spilled everything out in front of Kyuhyun (why the hell must they do this drama in front of his room anyway?), the least thing he would expect from that bastard Cho Kyuhyun was a happy yell of “Hallelujah!” and a series of “I like you, I like you, I like you!” shouted from the hallway of the apartment. So much for being subtle, that bastard Cho Kyuhyun. Well it’s not like he never notice how while Kyuhyun was spacing out and Sungmin entered the room his eyes would follow everywhere that Sungmin went to; Heechul was really certain about it. Or how Kyuhyun would deliberately accompanied him to meet his third language lecturer in the language division (even though Heechul told him that he is just a nuisance) so that he could sneak away and watch Sungmin’s class from the hallways (like they’re not going to meet at home anyway, these idiots).
Heechul knew their feelings are mutual, but he wasn’t going to believe any actions until words are pouring out from Cho Kyuhyun’s lips. So after the noisy cheer of victory, he waited for the next three minutes only to listen to a very silent whisper of;
“I don’t know since when I’ve been missing you,”
- - and sobbing sounds that were louder than the words itself started to fill the space. Sungmin was crying, he knew. Sungmin was crying and Heechul knew it because Sungmin was never appreciated by someone he admired before this. Sungmin was never cheered for telling his feelings towards a guy he fell head over heels for before this. Sungmin was made a laugh stock once and Heechul remembered patting his head as he told the guy he adored that he was joking. Heechul remembered it well because that night Sungmin cried until his nose bleed.
But this Kyuhyun, this Kyuhyun missed Sungmin, and Heechul thought;
‘Ah this bastard. This bastard Cho Kyuhyun. He really knows no subtlety.’
-
“Earth to Heechul, Earth to Heechul. What’s the situation up there, doc?”
He drops the fork in his left hand as the warm breath greets his ear. Heechul winces, grimaces. The man in front of him laughs as he retreats back to his seat.
“You spaced out a lot since half an hour ago. Do you need to be somewhere else?”
“No, do you?” he asks, picking up his fork and starts to jab the lifeless steak in his plate. The man slowly shakes his head and smiles. “Have you been well? You look meatier. Someone’s been cooking in your dorm?”
Heechul laughs at the last word. Dorm? How long has it been since he moved out from his dorm? Four, five years?
“I don’t live in the dormitory anymore. It’s packed with brats and the curfew really pissed me off.” He lifts the quarter-filled wine glass in front of him and takes a sip. Doing so, he can feel the man’s pair of eyes piercing onto his skin, and he remembers he used to be so flustered being watched intensely like that.
Wait. Used to? Then, what happened? Why doesn’t he feel the same anymore?
“I’ve missed you,” the man whispers, smile plastered on his face as he folds his arms and crosses his legs. What an arrogant pose. After all these years of not seeing each other, after that last passionate night and a cold empty bed that morning, what a fucking arrogant pose.
While saying that he missed me, what an arrogant-
“I know. I’ve missed you too. There’s never been a day where I didn’t think about you. I’ve missed you so much I felt like shits. You made me feel like shits.” He stops looking at the man and continues slicing his steak as if he didn’t say anything corny.
He doesn’t have your heart or your brain so he won’t know what you feel or think all this time
“That’s harsh. To think that you used to be so polite and flustered every time we talked. And you’re not looking into my eyes anymore. Whatever happened to you, Kim Heechul?” he leans forward and grabs Heechul’s hand, making the latter to jolt in response. He chuckles, and brings the long thin fingers to his lips.
Heechul stares at those lips that are nibbling on his fingers. He remembers how those fingers used to intertwined with those that are holding them, the warmth, the gentleness, the silly things they talked about while hands firmly clutching on each other. He really missed all that, he did.
Hangeng was gentle. He still is. And he was arrogant. And he still is. The first time they talked was six years ago, when they were just freshmen who lost their ways inside the big campus. He remembers strolling around with his huge luggage and bags, following Hangeng without words as they were looking for the hall where all the freshmen were being assembled. His broad back, his dark brown hair that was sticking to his sweaty forehead and neck; man, his hair used to be so long and messy. He remembers about how he thought he would really want to pull a hairband out from his pocket and tie that hair because Hangeng looked so ridiculously disturbed by it.
He remembers asking Hangeng about his family on the first night they hung out together, just both of them. Hangeng said he comes from China. He was so proud with his country, Heechul could tell that much from the distorted tones of his broken Korean. And then he talked about how his family was running a dumpling restaurant, and how he was going to make it big. Heechul knew by that time that falling for someone who was so clear, so determined on his future would fuck him up, but he still couldn’t help it but fall. He fell, because Hangeng didn’t stop talking even though he was well aware his Korean sounded funny and sometimes didn’t even make sense.
Heechul fell in love that instant, and Hangeng, he was sure Hangeng knows no subtlety.
Just like some brat he knows today
And then it started. Heechul didn’t really realise it, but it started. The intimate teasing when it was only them in the dorm, the casual hand-holding habits, and the giggles when they met each other’s eyes. There were moments when Hangeng hands were fixed on his waist, and he would call him clingy, but didn’t move away. Really, they were both clingy to each other.
What happened to them?
‘Youth,’ his mind whispers. ‘Youth is surely a wonderful moment,’ and Heechul chuckles. Now he sees Kyuhyun chasing a sulking Sungmin, and Sungmin’s red cheeks when Kyuhyun was around, and both their flustered faces when he caught them making out.
Wonderfully ignorant, isn’t he? To be thinking about those brats at this moment, when the one he waited for years are in front of him, alive and well?
“Again, again. Hey, I’m still here you know?”
“I know. Sorry.” But he still sees Kyuhyun worried face as he ran out of the house an hour ago. That bastard really knows how to digs out people’s heart.
“I’m getting married, you know.”
“I know. It was all over the news. Congratulations.” He takes another sip from his wine glass. For a second it tasted bitter, but Heechul thinks he can enjoy it though.
“But I still want to see you.” Hangeng looks straight into his eyes. Heechul pauses for a moment, and laughs. “You can always come and visit me here. And when you wanna have kids, I’m going to be there for your every new-born.”
“You won’t run away? Not this time?” Hangeng asks carefully, as if Heechul would throw a fork into his eyes at any given moment if he slips on his words. And Heechul makes a funny face.
“I never run. You did, didn’t you?”
Silence fills the short distance within the length of the table, and Hangeng snorts. Heechul starts to feel clueless about it.
“I didn’t run; I gave up. Because you were too slippery to be hold. You never told me you loved me, but you were always there within my reach. Always, always within my arms, but when I grabbed you, you ran away. I told you I loved you, every single day, remember?”
Heechul remembers. He remembers the moment when Hangeng decided to replace the ‘like’ to ‘love’ whenever they met. He remembers being flabbergasted, but then smiled and said “you idiot”. Apparently to Hangeng who couldn’t understand Korean very well back then, “you idiot” was hard enough to be understood.
Why was he like that? When it was him who fell first? But didn’t he give Hangeng his world? Didn’t he? Wasn’t that enough? Does love really need to be spelled out? Does it?
“And I called you ‘idiot’ every single time. I guess you didn’t really understand Korean back then.” Hangeng frowns and Heechul smiles warmly.
“So, you’re getting married. Man, and we used to fuck each other just a few years ago,” he says laughingly. Hangeng chokes on his wine and suddenly all the clouds of coolness around him a few moments ago disperse into thin air. Looking around curiously, he smacks Heechul’s arm and tells him to keep it down. Heechul laughs again, and while listening to Hangeng talking about his wedding, he nods and hums and smiles but his heart is already somewhere else.
Back to home, to the television in the living room. Back to the unfinished dishes on the kitchen table. Back to the coat hanger next to the shoe rack, to the old mobile phone he kept for so long, just for the sake of waiting for Hangeng.
Back to Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
Heechul is moving on. After all these years, Heechul is finally moving on.
“Hey, remember the mobile phone we bought together? Do you still have yours?” Heechul asks as they are retrieving their jackets back from the front counter of the restaurant. Hangeng looks at him, and then to his own shoes, and then back at him with a sorry smile.
“Which phone? I’m sorry it’s already a few years after all.” Heechul bites his lower lips, and lets out a short sigh.
“Nah, it’s okay.”
Hangeng smiles apologetically, and pulls his hand as soon as they are out from the restaurant. Heechul halts his steps and turns around.
“What?”
“Are we good?” he asks carefully, voice trembles and perhaps a tad lower than usual. Heechul slowly pulls his hand away from those warm ones that used to hold him tight once, and nods.
“I know I’m good. And I hope you’re too.”
That should be it. That should be enough. It might hurt sometimes, but he knows he’ll endure it just fine. Hangeng too. He hopes Hangeng will be fine.
There is no kiss of goodbye, because Hangeng says this isn’t a goodbye. This is just lovers retreating back to friends. Heechul knew he would say that. So when Hangeng drops him off, they shake hands, smile, and say “see you again” to each other. There will be no more kisses after this, because Hangeng is getting married, and Heechul is moving on.
When he opens the door to their apartment later on, Kyuhyun greets him with a non-chalant manner, and Sungmin pops out from the kitchen hugging four cans of beer in his arms. Kyuhyun must’ve told Sungmin about him, that bastard. And Sungmin must’ve been worried about him.
Seriously, these nosey bastards.
-
“Ebay.”
“Antique shops?”
“Ah I know! Pawn shops. Sometimes their offers are pretty tasty, and they always got their eyes on old stuff like this.” Sungmin suggests, and Kyuhyun shakes his head as he stands up and grabs the old mobile phone from Sungmin’s hands.
“Nope. Definitely Ebay. I don’t think pawn shops would want old mobile phones like this one. I mean, it’s not exactly old, but it’s obviously not new either. But on the net, collectors are crazy about pre-modern gadgets like this…” his voice trails off as he inspects every tiny detail about the phone in his hands. There keypads are still intact, the screen are fine, the battery - ah yes, the battery is the problem - it’s always the battery. Take it off the charger for more than thirty minutes then poof! Considering the years Heechul owned the phone, you could say the battery is doing a pretty good job and deserves praise from a geek like him.
“To the dumpster,” Heechul suddenly appears out of nowhere, in plain white tees and dark blue denim, his shoulder-length hair loosely tied and the fragrance of Givenchy Gentleman is following his steps as he retrieves the phone away from Kyuhyun’s grip.
“What? Why??” the bastard whines, and Heechul feels his ears prick. Damn it he hates that whining. Kyuhyun has already mastered the ‘Art of Annoying Kim Heechul’ from Sungmin, unfortunately. Heechul puts the phone into his jeans’ pocket and rushes back to his bedroom, muttering “jacket, jacket” loudly as he passes Sungmin who are still sitting down in front of the television.
“Ooouh somebody’s got a date tonight,” Sungmin says in a sing-song manner. Heechul hisses loudly from his bedroom, still frantically searching for his brown leather jacket that hasn’t been put on since the last date he escaped from. Oh yeah that nightmare. He shivers as he remembers the creepy hands on his shoulders and his hurting knuckles after he broke that guy’s nose. When was it? Eight months? A year ago?
“Why can’t we sell it, hyung? We could use the money for our big dinner!” oh now I’m your hyung? You opportunist bastard.
“Because I said no, and it’s my fucking phone you piece of shit. Stop leeching off other people’s property!” he smacks Kyuhyun’s head as he put on the black V-neck long cardigan (screw the jacket he’d feel traumatise if he ever find it anyway) and rushes to the door. Kyuhyun pouts but oh well Heechul don’t give a shit about that. Sungmin is here; your pouts are his concern.
“Aww damn it! Where’s that fucking watch??” he yells while slipping in his shoes, frustrated. Rushingly he runs towards his bedroom again, this time with his shoes on.
“Hey take off your shoes, dumbass! I’ve just vacuumed the carpet today!” Kyuhyun shrieks as he sits next to Sungmin and Sungmin covers his ears.
“Don’t have time, gotta rush!” he mumbles as he slams the door open. Kyuhyun huffs and Sungmin is laughing at their squabbling. A few minutes later, their doorbell rings.
“Hey Kyuhyun!” Heechul yells from inside of his room.
“What?”
“Get the door, will you?”
Kyuhyun is flabbergasted. Sungmin asks him why. He chuckles a little, and then shrugs as he stands up and runs to open the front door. The guy behind it is holding a bouquet of blood-red roses, and is pretty nervous despite his cool look and handsome hair.
“Oh, Mr. Nice Ride. Come on in, he’s looking for his watch, that careless dumbass.”
-END -
Summary: Kim Heechul loves Lee Sungmin. He loves him very much he doesn’t want anyone to hurts or breaks him. He loves Lee Sungmin unconditionally he doesn’t even have a clue why. So when this Cho Kyuhyun appeared one day out of nowhere, clinging to Lee Sungmin (not really though) drenched in the muddy rain, shivering like a sewer rat, he thought ‘shit not another bastard this fucking naivety of Lee Sungmin has to stop’.
A/N: Hi. Wow, months has passed since my last story. I hope new readers have read at least one of my fics, and old readers still remember me. So much going on in life, and I was pondering if I ever have the time to finish my series. But then, this fandom is my secret place. I won't abandon it. I miss everyone. :')
P/S: Also, this is the [050. Lost, Heechul/Kyuhyun]
---
Lost;
No longer in your possession or control; unable to be found or recovered;
Having lost your bearings; confused as to time, place or personal identity;
Spiritually or physically doomed or destroyed;
Not gained or won;
Incapable of being recovered or regained;
Not caught with the senses or the mind
Heechul has a rule in this house - he never let anyone gets the door before him whenever he’s around. Kyuhyun figured it that much. Although he has nothing to complain about it since it’s not an unhealthy habit or anything. Probably it is rather a good one too. Not everyone is so eager to get the door when they are supposed to, not Kyuhyun at least when he is the top warrior in the long unending war against the evils.
“Who’s that?” he would ask when Heechul returns from the front door hugging a few packs of brown paper bag in his left arm.
(Kyuhyun thinks he looks annoyed, but Heechul has always been annoyed by everyone)
“Delivery,” he would say, throwing a few packs with Kyuhyun’s name on them to the owner and stomps his feet while he is on the way to his room with his own packages. Kyuhyun swears Heechul is always saying something when he’s in that particular mood, but Kyuhyun is sure it’s not cursing.
(Somehow he gets this feeling that Heechul had had enough of cursing in his life)
-
He moved in with Heechul six months ago just when he started his university life. He was supposed to be a part of the campus resident if not for some hideous mistakes in the management of the residency office. God damn it weren’t they supposed to inform such important information to the involved person earlier; before he arrived in this alien city, before he stepped inside the place where he thought he belonged to?
(Apparently they didn’t)
He was squatting near a corner of the what supposed to be his dorm, counting the hours before the day start to rain and the sky turn dark and how he didn’t have a roof on top of his head when a guy in grey hoodie and spikey hair with piercings on both ears came and hovered him with a pink umbrella, giving him a gentle yet concern smile.
“Freshman?” he asked. Kyuhyun nodded. “The welcoming party was two days ago. Your class should start tomorrow. What are you doing here?” he asked again. Kyuhyun wasn’t really listening. He watched the silver earrings that sparkled when the light of a car beamed their way and made their eyes squinted. He breathed in, and hugged his knees. Somehow he felt hopeless been tossed around by something so trivial like this.
“…were you on the waiting list?” Kyuhyun duck his head even lower. Oh yeah, fine. He understands. He understands it perfectly. There’s no way someone who got in miraculously from the waiting list to be placed inside the campus’ dorm. Wow that would be definitely a miracle itself.
“This damn, biased university.” He said. The man in hoodie laughed, and pulled his arm forcing him to get up. Kyuhyun didn’t say anything; obligation came naturally when he saw the smile on the guy’s face.
(and the way rain water dripped and ran along his jaw line down to his collarbones)
“Damn, biased university indeed. Come, I have a place for you,” he said, and pulled Kyuhyun to be under his umbrella before they ran scissoring through the heavy rain. Kyuhyun sneezed a few times, looked back a few times worrying about his luggage.
“I’ll call a friend to take care of your things until we take them back tomorrow,” the guy said. Kyuhyun nodded and whispered thanks.
“It’s nothing. I’m Lee Sungmin, by the way. Language division, second year. English major. You?”
Kyuhyun looked at his face, and smiled weakly.
“Cho Kyuhyun.”
-
Heechul screamed, cursed about Sungmin bringing in a complete stranger (a wet one too) into his apartment and practically trashing around the living room for a few times when they walked in. Sungmin didn’t seem to be intimidated by it; rather he seemed to be pleased with this kind of reaction.
“It would’ve been even more terrifying if he didn’t say anything, actually,” he said when Heechul finally calmed down and nodded after listening to Sungmin reasoning his judgement. Standing in a corner, shirt drenched like a rat from sewer earlier, Kyuhyun made a mental note to learn the ways of taming Kim Heechul from this Lee Sungmin if he ever wanted to survive living with him (he does seem dangerous sometimes).
“So, I’ve called my friend and your stuff is with him. Tomorrow after you registered you classes and find out the lecture halls, we’ll go and fetch them, okay? And here’s my number, in case you need anything and Heechul is being too scary for you to ask him,” he handed a small piece of paper while Kyuhyun was drying his hair. Kyuhyun said thanks, and Sungmin smiled.
Kyuhyun got this impression that Sungmin was staring at his body when he was putting on the pyjamas Heechul lent him (with a heavy heart). He thought he was right because Sungmin’s face turned red and he looked the other way the moment Kyuhyun looked at his way.
That first night after he settled in comfortably and made himself a cup of instant coffee, Heechul started to talk about rent and what he should and should not do, and that was the first time he heard about the rule of the door.
“If I’m at home, I’ll get the door. The old mobile phone next to the shoe rack is mine, so if it rings don’t answer it. Don’t open any messages. Don’t touch it.”
“Why?”
“Because I own this fucking house and you’re paying me the rent.” Kyuhyun nodded retreated, and took one final sip from his cup. Heechul watched him with an odd interest. “Anything else?”
“If you’re not open to homosexuality, stay away from Sungmin. He’s gay, and he’s been hurt far too much by fucking straight guys like you.” Kyuhyun chuckled, and Heechul winced.
“What?”
“You’re too late.”
A month later, Heechul caught them half naked in the living room when he returned from a research trip in Japan; limbs entangled and lips connected. He cursed, told them to “find a fucking room, bastards!” and dashed out the door after throwing some crackers he got them for souvenirs.
-
Kyuhyun can’t remember seeing Heechul in any pre-coitus situation like how Heechul always caught him with Sungmin.
“I don’t think he ever had a lover, at all. I don’t know which side he’s in anyway. A friend; a guy friend of mine - Choi Siwon, you remember that rich kid with Audi R8 ride? - confessed to him once but he blatantly rejected him. He said he’s not into men. But…” Kyuhyun is playing with Sungmin’s bed hair, listening and at the same time thinking how talkative this lover he own right now could be. Sungmin snuggles a tad deeper into his chest, sniffing the purple hoodie he had on since last night, complaining about how stinky he is and giggles - Kyuhyun could never win that giggle.
“But he ignores girl’s confessions even worse. Not even listening to them.”
“He could be asexual. You know, just in love with himself.” Sungmin gets up and pushes his bang away from his forehead while looking for some rubber bands to tie them. Kyuhyun reaches for one from his night stand and naturally helps him to make one. Somehow it ends up into several small ponytails sticking out from Sungmin’s head.
“Could be. Well he seems like it. I don’t know. Why are we talking about him anyway? Are you trying to get into his pants now?” Sungmin shoots him a deathly glare, and Kyuhyun pinches his nose, laughing. Sungmin groans, not really appreciating it.
Oh Sungmin sweet Sungmin how could I ever thought of that when I have you? But Kyuhyun don’t want to let that out because it is cheesy and somewhat disturbing, so he pulls Sungmin in for a quick kiss.
“Depends on how good you are on tonight’s dinner.”
“And supper?” Sungmin asks, biting him on his lower lip.
“And supper.”
-
He wish he could help Sungmin preparing the dinner; they always have dinner on weekends with half of the residents in the apartment building when there are no classes and everyone is not busy, and Sungmin has learned a new recipe and the study loans are finally distributed for students and they can afford foods better than they usually could. Kyuhyun would tell Heechul to come home early from his part time jobs and Heechul would yell at him saying he’s not free and Sungmin would always take it from there and in the end Heechul would be the one to finish all the dishes.
But tonight he had broken a bowl, wasted three eggs on the floor, ruining a dish by making it too spicy (Sungmin fixed that fast), and in the end was chased out by Ryeowook, Sungmin’s roommate who is an expert in cooking that came to Sungmin’s rescue when he was about to sexually harassing his lover as Sungmin was bending down and picking up the pieces of eggshells on the floor.
Heechul is late and Kyuhyun doesn’t have a friend to converse with so he continues with the bloody game he bought last week on his PC. That ghost game which Sungmin despises very much thanks to the violent graphic and jawless monsters. Suddenly, the old phone Heechul warned him about six months ago rings for the first time since Kyuhyun moved into the house, and he is pretty much flabbergasted.
“What are you waiting for? Answer it and help us serve all the dishes,” Sungmin half-shouts from the kitchen, his head poking out from the door and Kyuhyun could hear Ryeowook saying something nasty about him. But he is too busy contemplating whether he should or should not answer it. What if Heechul comes home while he is talking? What if he got thrown out for touching it? Maybe Heechul installed a secret camera around the rack so that he would know when Kyuhyun touches his stuff. Who knows? It’s goddamn Heechul we’re talking about.
“Oh for goodness sake I’m going to throw out that fucking computer when I’m done!” Sungmin rushes out from the kitchen when the phone starts to ring the second time. Kyuhyun wants to stop him and tell him how Heechul was so serious about it but he wonders why he doesn’t move his legs.
Maybe he wants to know. Maybe he cares about Heechul’s stuff after all. Who wouldn’t be curious when someone warned you to not to touch something that is so obvious like that?
Sungmin hisses when he sees Kyuhyun not moving an inch, and picks the phone up. “Kim Heechul, but he left his phone at the moment, so can I like take a note or something?” Sungmin asks formally, wiping some tomato ketchup that splattered on his cheeks. God knows what he was doing with its poor bottle back then.
Sungmin grabs a stick-it note from the drawer and looks for a pen but he can’t locate one so he gestures Kyuhyun in urgent to pass him the pen on the table in front of him. Kyuhyun throws one and Sungmin smiles contented as he catches it perfectly.
“Weird,” Sungmin mutters as he passes the note to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun reads it, chews his lower lip and reads again. “Weird what? What do you mean?”
“Is he expecting someone to visit from China? That guy,” he gestures the paper in Kyuhyun’s hands as Kyuhyun reads Sungmin’s neat handwriting of ‘Hangeng’ and ‘000 Hotel, Seoul’. “He said to tell Heechul that he’ll be waiting.”
Kyuhyun folds the note and slides it into his pocket when Sungmin is not watching.
-
Heechul couldn’t make it for dinner that night, so Sungmin wrapped some pastas and salads and probably a bowl of the curry Kyuhyun ruined earlier (oh so we call it curry?) and stuffed them into the two-doors fridge in the kitchen and reminds Kyuhyun to tell Heechul to reheat them first or else he’s going to eat them frozen and gets himself a bloated tummy. Kyuhyun groans and nods unwillingly because Sungmin rejects his offer to sleepover tonight when Kyuhyun’s hormones are raging like hell (like a girl after menstrual).
“Come on, tomorrow is Saturday! Can’t you stay a bit longer? We can watch movies,” his last word turns into a mumble as Ryeowook pushes him away from Sungmin and grabs his lover towards the door.
“No because tomorrow we’re doing part-times and by movies I’m assuming ninety-nine per cent of them would be porn. Good night Kyuhyun,” he says rushing, but Sungmin pulls his hand away and tells him to wait or he can always go home first to their apartment because “I promised him something,” so he walks back inside towards the sulking bastard who are waiting behind the door. Ryeowook huffs and groans dissatisfied while he crosses his arms and waits for Sungmin in the hallway.
(What a stubborn oblivious bastard)
“How’re the dishes? Were they good?” he asks, hands reaching Kyuhyun’s cheeks and hair. Kyuhyun nods, still sulking. “They were almost perfect, if only you’d stay tonight.” Sungmin chuckles and his hands reach Kyuhyun’s ears. They are cold as always. He already has that figured out the first day they exchanged their kisses. That night when Kyuhyun was feverish and Heechul wasn’t at home (Sungmin bet he wouldn’t do anything even if he was) and Sungmin was there to fix him a warm porridge and Kyuhyun was too overdosed with the pills he got from the clinic earlier and he thought that first kiss was a dream. But the next day when Sungmin came again to see him and tried to touch his forehead for temperature, he felt the same warm hands and he was sure he wasn’t dreaming last night so he reached for their second kiss.
“Sorry it was a sudden call. The girl who is supposed to be working tomorrow suddenly quits,” he says as their foreheads connect. Kyuhyun purses his lips, and pulls Sungmin by the nape. “I’m going to find that girl and make her life miserable for this,” he whispers, and kisses Sungmin’s ear as his boyfriend chuckles to his oath of vengeance.
“Don’t you have your part-time too, tomorrow? That home tutor thingie. I think your students like you very much even though you suck at teaching,” Sungmin teases him and laughs and Kyuhyun feels as if Sungmin is trying to kill his temporary will of abstinence. Afraid that he might do something unnecessary, he pushes Sungmin up against the door causing it to slammed shut and ravishes the latter’s lips and chin and cheeks with hands trying too hard not to snake around under his thick layer of cardigan. Three minutes later, the kiss stops with a peck on Kyuhyun’s nose and they are both giggling to Ryeowook’s nagging outside the apartment.
“Somebody needs to tape that bastard’s mouth,” Kyuhyun says as Sungmin fixes his clothes and hair. Sungmin scrunches his nose and pinches Kyuhyun’s cheeks as hard as he can.
“That bastard is my best friend, you bastard.”
“I know. Too bad he is. If he wasn’t I’m not sure what kind of bad luck would’ve befallen onto him, good Lord,” he laughs silently after the last word which makes the mood seems a little bit scary so Sungmin kisses his cheeks and opens the door to get out when Heechul suddenly appears standing while chatting a little bit with Ryeowook about the dinner tonight (he was just figuring out the dishes he would have later) in the hallway.
“You horny, hyperactive baboons. Get yourself a room! I don’t want to see any disgusting stain on my carpet or my shoe rack. Now move,” he scolds and smacks Sungmin on the back of his head as he sticks his tongue out and runs towards Ryeowook. Kyuhyun waves at him and Sungmin shouts “good night lads!” before they both walk to the stairs.
“Geez Kyuhyun you look too damn happy it feels like there’s a sun in here.” Kyuhyun laughs as he shuts the door close and follows Heechul into the house. “Stop that, you’re creeping me out, man,” Heechul says as he unfolds the scarf around his neck and tosses it towards Kyuhyun. Instinctively Kyuhyun leaps a little and safely catches the scarf before it lands on the floor near the shoe rack. Heechul grimaces for a few seconds, trying to deny the fact that this Kyuhyun bastard has finally fit in with his way of doing things and how he is just the same with Kyuhyun’s, just for a few seconds before he yawns and rubs his belly, mutters “I’m fucking hungry, man” and dashes into the kitchen preying on Sungmin and Ryeowook’s hard work.
Kyuhyun hangs the scarf onto the coat hanger that he and Heechul bought on impulse during a garage sale a few blocks down their apartment a month after he moved in; a white, wooden coat hanger with seven spinning hands on its top where you’re supposed to hang the coats and a flat base to make it stand, and then throws himself onto the old couch in front of the television. He doesn’t turn the television on; he’s not going to. From where he sits, he can see Heechul taking out the dishes and putting them into the microwave - hey you really shouldn’t stack three containers together like that - and lets out a satisfied smile when the timer on the microwave starts counting.
--Five minutes
Kyuhyun fishes into his pocket, fingers grazing the surface of the note that Sungmin gave him earlier. He stares at the timer ticking on the small screen in between the buttons on the microwave - three minutes - and it feels as if the only suitable time to tell Heechul about the note is right now, now that the timer is still ticking - two minutes - now while Heechul is busy boiling up the water for his instant coffee and is spacing out listening to the rumbling sound the kettle makes.
--One minute
Heechul waited long enough for the phone to ring. He can always wait a little more, can’t he?
--Fifty-three seconds
But he’ll be fucking mad if he knew someone touched his precious phone
--Forty-four seconds
“What’s the fucking matter with you, man? Stop fucking staring at me like that dumbass,” foul words falling without restrain from those pretty lips for too many times now Kyuhyun has gotten used to it. The simple grazing his fingers did on the note now turns into some crumpling gesture. His hands are sweaty.
--Twenty-six seconds
“Fucking microwave I’m hungry, this is taking too long,” and Heechul stops the timer. Kyuhyun jolts with the sudden action, and he lets go of the note inside his pocket. It feels as if Heechul was stopping his time when he turned off the timer just like that.
“Damn it, man. I was counting the minutes, you piece of shit.”
“What? I’m hungry. And what the hell are you counting the minutes for?” he asks, slurping on the pasta puttanesca (because the veggies that Sungmin asked him to buy were not available in the nearest mall and Kyuhyun was too lazy to find it somewhere else so puttanesca it is) while his other hand is scrolling the smartphone, checking his mails for any new assignments given by his course advisor.
Kyuhyun sighs, and walks into the kitchen where Heechul is. His brain continues to count from where the microwave left earlier.
--Twenty-five seconds
“The curry’s in the blue container, if you want I can reheat it for you.”
“Na-ah, we’ll have that at breakfast. Sungmin’s gonna leave early tomorrow, right? He got a part-time replacement to fill. Aaah and I was about to ask him for that sexy pancakes. Damn it,” Heechul curses, mouth still gobbling up all the pasta in his plate.
--Twenty seconds
Kyuhyun opens the fridge; a few seconds ago his brain decided that his body needs cold water. Grabbing an unopened bottle of mineral drink, he pulls the chair in front of where Heechul is sitting and drinks it like an elephant. The water is cooling, and for a moment it feels so cool and refreshing that he actually finds the guts to tell it to Heechul.
“The phone rang.” Heechul dropped his fork. Kyuhyun was kind of expecting that reaction. He also expected for Heechul to look very disturbed; eyes can’t even focused on one thing because thousands of thoughts are piercing his brain, rummaging the lines of his blood and adrenalin, probably thinking about things he never spoke to anyone before. Things that probably got nothing to do with his rudeness (hey, his first cry was a cursing if baby talks were ever translated properly) but surely most of them are the shits that keeps him awake at nights and glares at Kyuhyun whenever he goes out to the kitchen because Sungmin is staying.
“Y-you didn’t… did you?” Heechul asks, his loud voice turns timid and wavering. Kyuhyun bites his lower lip and breathes out. “No, I didn’t answer it.”
Heechul shuts his eyes and the sides of his lips lift upwards. Kyuhyun feels somewhat guilty.
“Sungmin did, though, and I wasn’t able to stop him,” he says, sliding the note with the name and hotel written across the table until it reaches Heechul’s plate. Heechul seems flabbergasted.
“Nosey bastards,” he lets out after two minutes of silence. Kyuhyun laughs because he knows that Heechul knows that he didn’t stop Sungmin from answering the phone. Heechul isn’t stupid. He might be ignoring the basic of being human which is common sense but that doesn’t mean he is lacking of them. He just chose to not to fret over what people would think of him. After all, that is what common sense is all about, isn’t it? To think for what the others would think about you for the others’ comfort. Heechul wouldn’t give a damn about that, really. If he says he’s going to the beach naked, please don’t try to stop him, or he’ll make you join him, too.
“He’s not going to wait forever, you know, whoever that Hangeng might be.” Kyuhyun says, hands on the table, pushing his chin up. Heechul looks at the note in front of him, fingers trying to reach it yet they are hesitating.
“What if… what if he decides to wait? What if he doesn’t care if it’ll take forever?” he asks almost unheard, but Kyuhyun gets the words. Kyuhyun grabs a prawn from Heechul’s plate because he knows Heechul hates sharing food with everyone. And he is right because in split seconds there is a fork flying from Heechul’s hand towards him, but it drops down before Kyuhyun could even dodge, thank God.
“Dude, he’s not you. He doesn’t have your heart or your brain so he won’t know what you feel or think all this time. So go and spill everything that you’ve been keeping all this while, and then decide. Decide if he is worth your time.”
“What makes you think I’ve been waiting?”
Kyuhyun smirks. Heechul winces.
“Common sense. Because I just hate that fugly phone.”
-
Kim Heechul loves Lee Sungmin. He loves him very much he doesn’t want anyone to hurts or breaks him. He loves Lee Sungmin unconditionally he doesn’t even have a clue why. So when this Cho Kyuhyun appeared one day out of nowhere, clinging to Lee Sungmin (not really though) drenched in the muddy rain, shivering like a sewer rat, he thought ‘shit not another bastard this fucking naivety of Lee Sungmin has to stop’.
So Kim Heechul did everything that a good brother (or brother-like) would do - he planned everything that would get them apart. Well it wasn’t easy, since Sungmin has been so smitten by the invisible charm he claimed Kyuhyun emitted sometimes (strange Heechul never feel that) and Cho Kyuhyun seemed as if he didn’t have a single flaw (except that he’s a lazy bastard) that Heechul thought ‘oh shit Sungmin’s gonna hurt again’ for almost every second of the early days when Sungmin was still blushing every time he saw Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun was still trying to figure out what was all the pinkish cheeks for.
Kim Heechul really used to hate Cho Kyuhyun. He can’t cook, he is too lazy to even find his own pair of socks he wore different colours once when they were planning of eating out (Sungmin told him it’s okay to wear sandals since it was summer anyway), and he eats like a pig (Heechul hates competition). When he talks, everything that comes out from his lips is sarcasm (Heechul really hates competition) and sometimes he reads people very well it’s hard to ignore anything that he pointed out.
Cho Kyuhyun reads Kim Heechul pretty damn well that it pisses him off
Heechul loves Sungmin, so when Sungmin finally acknowledged his feelings for that darn brat, Heechul had this strange urge to pull that naïve kid away from the spacey Kyuhyun and hide him somewhere, somewhere far away (maybe in a wardrobe with a secret passage through Narnia) so Sungmin wouldn’t have to face nights with warm blankets and snotty tissues again. Kim Heechul was that prepared.
So while he was hiding behind his own bedroom door as Sungmin spilled everything out in front of Kyuhyun (why the hell must they do this drama in front of his room anyway?), the least thing he would expect from that bastard Cho Kyuhyun was a happy yell of “Hallelujah!” and a series of “I like you, I like you, I like you!” shouted from the hallway of the apartment. So much for being subtle, that bastard Cho Kyuhyun. Well it’s not like he never notice how while Kyuhyun was spacing out and Sungmin entered the room his eyes would follow everywhere that Sungmin went to; Heechul was really certain about it. Or how Kyuhyun would deliberately accompanied him to meet his third language lecturer in the language division (even though Heechul told him that he is just a nuisance) so that he could sneak away and watch Sungmin’s class from the hallways (like they’re not going to meet at home anyway, these idiots).
Heechul knew their feelings are mutual, but he wasn’t going to believe any actions until words are pouring out from Cho Kyuhyun’s lips. So after the noisy cheer of victory, he waited for the next three minutes only to listen to a very silent whisper of;
“I don’t know since when I’ve been missing you,”
- - and sobbing sounds that were louder than the words itself started to fill the space. Sungmin was crying, he knew. Sungmin was crying and Heechul knew it because Sungmin was never appreciated by someone he admired before this. Sungmin was never cheered for telling his feelings towards a guy he fell head over heels for before this. Sungmin was made a laugh stock once and Heechul remembered patting his head as he told the guy he adored that he was joking. Heechul remembered it well because that night Sungmin cried until his nose bleed.
But this Kyuhyun, this Kyuhyun missed Sungmin, and Heechul thought;
‘Ah this bastard. This bastard Cho Kyuhyun. He really knows no subtlety.’
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“Earth to Heechul, Earth to Heechul. What’s the situation up there, doc?”
He drops the fork in his left hand as the warm breath greets his ear. Heechul winces, grimaces. The man in front of him laughs as he retreats back to his seat.
“You spaced out a lot since half an hour ago. Do you need to be somewhere else?”
“No, do you?” he asks, picking up his fork and starts to jab the lifeless steak in his plate. The man slowly shakes his head and smiles. “Have you been well? You look meatier. Someone’s been cooking in your dorm?”
Heechul laughs at the last word. Dorm? How long has it been since he moved out from his dorm? Four, five years?
“I don’t live in the dormitory anymore. It’s packed with brats and the curfew really pissed me off.” He lifts the quarter-filled wine glass in front of him and takes a sip. Doing so, he can feel the man’s pair of eyes piercing onto his skin, and he remembers he used to be so flustered being watched intensely like that.
Wait. Used to? Then, what happened? Why doesn’t he feel the same anymore?
“I’ve missed you,” the man whispers, smile plastered on his face as he folds his arms and crosses his legs. What an arrogant pose. After all these years of not seeing each other, after that last passionate night and a cold empty bed that morning, what a fucking arrogant pose.
While saying that he missed me, what an arrogant-
“I know. I’ve missed you too. There’s never been a day where I didn’t think about you. I’ve missed you so much I felt like shits. You made me feel like shits.” He stops looking at the man and continues slicing his steak as if he didn’t say anything corny.
He doesn’t have your heart or your brain so he won’t know what you feel or think all this time
“That’s harsh. To think that you used to be so polite and flustered every time we talked. And you’re not looking into my eyes anymore. Whatever happened to you, Kim Heechul?” he leans forward and grabs Heechul’s hand, making the latter to jolt in response. He chuckles, and brings the long thin fingers to his lips.
Heechul stares at those lips that are nibbling on his fingers. He remembers how those fingers used to intertwined with those that are holding them, the warmth, the gentleness, the silly things they talked about while hands firmly clutching on each other. He really missed all that, he did.
Hangeng was gentle. He still is. And he was arrogant. And he still is. The first time they talked was six years ago, when they were just freshmen who lost their ways inside the big campus. He remembers strolling around with his huge luggage and bags, following Hangeng without words as they were looking for the hall where all the freshmen were being assembled. His broad back, his dark brown hair that was sticking to his sweaty forehead and neck; man, his hair used to be so long and messy. He remembers about how he thought he would really want to pull a hairband out from his pocket and tie that hair because Hangeng looked so ridiculously disturbed by it.
He remembers asking Hangeng about his family on the first night they hung out together, just both of them. Hangeng said he comes from China. He was so proud with his country, Heechul could tell that much from the distorted tones of his broken Korean. And then he talked about how his family was running a dumpling restaurant, and how he was going to make it big. Heechul knew by that time that falling for someone who was so clear, so determined on his future would fuck him up, but he still couldn’t help it but fall. He fell, because Hangeng didn’t stop talking even though he was well aware his Korean sounded funny and sometimes didn’t even make sense.
Heechul fell in love that instant, and Hangeng, he was sure Hangeng knows no subtlety.
Just like some brat he knows today
And then it started. Heechul didn’t really realise it, but it started. The intimate teasing when it was only them in the dorm, the casual hand-holding habits, and the giggles when they met each other’s eyes. There were moments when Hangeng hands were fixed on his waist, and he would call him clingy, but didn’t move away. Really, they were both clingy to each other.
What happened to them?
‘Youth,’ his mind whispers. ‘Youth is surely a wonderful moment,’ and Heechul chuckles. Now he sees Kyuhyun chasing a sulking Sungmin, and Sungmin’s red cheeks when Kyuhyun was around, and both their flustered faces when he caught them making out.
Wonderfully ignorant, isn’t he? To be thinking about those brats at this moment, when the one he waited for years are in front of him, alive and well?
“Again, again. Hey, I’m still here you know?”
“I know. Sorry.” But he still sees Kyuhyun worried face as he ran out of the house an hour ago. That bastard really knows how to digs out people’s heart.
“I’m getting married, you know.”
“I know. It was all over the news. Congratulations.” He takes another sip from his wine glass. For a second it tasted bitter, but Heechul thinks he can enjoy it though.
“But I still want to see you.” Hangeng looks straight into his eyes. Heechul pauses for a moment, and laughs. “You can always come and visit me here. And when you wanna have kids, I’m going to be there for your every new-born.”
“You won’t run away? Not this time?” Hangeng asks carefully, as if Heechul would throw a fork into his eyes at any given moment if he slips on his words. And Heechul makes a funny face.
“I never run. You did, didn’t you?”
Silence fills the short distance within the length of the table, and Hangeng snorts. Heechul starts to feel clueless about it.
“I didn’t run; I gave up. Because you were too slippery to be hold. You never told me you loved me, but you were always there within my reach. Always, always within my arms, but when I grabbed you, you ran away. I told you I loved you, every single day, remember?”
Heechul remembers. He remembers the moment when Hangeng decided to replace the ‘like’ to ‘love’ whenever they met. He remembers being flabbergasted, but then smiled and said “you idiot”. Apparently to Hangeng who couldn’t understand Korean very well back then, “you idiot” was hard enough to be understood.
Why was he like that? When it was him who fell first? But didn’t he give Hangeng his world? Didn’t he? Wasn’t that enough? Does love really need to be spelled out? Does it?
“And I called you ‘idiot’ every single time. I guess you didn’t really understand Korean back then.” Hangeng frowns and Heechul smiles warmly.
“So, you’re getting married. Man, and we used to fuck each other just a few years ago,” he says laughingly. Hangeng chokes on his wine and suddenly all the clouds of coolness around him a few moments ago disperse into thin air. Looking around curiously, he smacks Heechul’s arm and tells him to keep it down. Heechul laughs again, and while listening to Hangeng talking about his wedding, he nods and hums and smiles but his heart is already somewhere else.
Back to home, to the television in the living room. Back to the unfinished dishes on the kitchen table. Back to the coat hanger next to the shoe rack, to the old mobile phone he kept for so long, just for the sake of waiting for Hangeng.
Back to Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
Heechul is moving on. After all these years, Heechul is finally moving on.
“Hey, remember the mobile phone we bought together? Do you still have yours?” Heechul asks as they are retrieving their jackets back from the front counter of the restaurant. Hangeng looks at him, and then to his own shoes, and then back at him with a sorry smile.
“Which phone? I’m sorry it’s already a few years after all.” Heechul bites his lower lips, and lets out a short sigh.
“Nah, it’s okay.”
Hangeng smiles apologetically, and pulls his hand as soon as they are out from the restaurant. Heechul halts his steps and turns around.
“What?”
“Are we good?” he asks carefully, voice trembles and perhaps a tad lower than usual. Heechul slowly pulls his hand away from those warm ones that used to hold him tight once, and nods.
“I know I’m good. And I hope you’re too.”
That should be it. That should be enough. It might hurt sometimes, but he knows he’ll endure it just fine. Hangeng too. He hopes Hangeng will be fine.
There is no kiss of goodbye, because Hangeng says this isn’t a goodbye. This is just lovers retreating back to friends. Heechul knew he would say that. So when Hangeng drops him off, they shake hands, smile, and say “see you again” to each other. There will be no more kisses after this, because Hangeng is getting married, and Heechul is moving on.
When he opens the door to their apartment later on, Kyuhyun greets him with a non-chalant manner, and Sungmin pops out from the kitchen hugging four cans of beer in his arms. Kyuhyun must’ve told Sungmin about him, that bastard. And Sungmin must’ve been worried about him.
Seriously, these nosey bastards.
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“Ebay.”
“Antique shops?”
“Ah I know! Pawn shops. Sometimes their offers are pretty tasty, and they always got their eyes on old stuff like this.” Sungmin suggests, and Kyuhyun shakes his head as he stands up and grabs the old mobile phone from Sungmin’s hands.
“Nope. Definitely Ebay. I don’t think pawn shops would want old mobile phones like this one. I mean, it’s not exactly old, but it’s obviously not new either. But on the net, collectors are crazy about pre-modern gadgets like this…” his voice trails off as he inspects every tiny detail about the phone in his hands. There keypads are still intact, the screen are fine, the battery - ah yes, the battery is the problem - it’s always the battery. Take it off the charger for more than thirty minutes then poof! Considering the years Heechul owned the phone, you could say the battery is doing a pretty good job and deserves praise from a geek like him.
“To the dumpster,” Heechul suddenly appears out of nowhere, in plain white tees and dark blue denim, his shoulder-length hair loosely tied and the fragrance of Givenchy Gentleman is following his steps as he retrieves the phone away from Kyuhyun’s grip.
“What? Why??” the bastard whines, and Heechul feels his ears prick. Damn it he hates that whining. Kyuhyun has already mastered the ‘Art of Annoying Kim Heechul’ from Sungmin, unfortunately. Heechul puts the phone into his jeans’ pocket and rushes back to his bedroom, muttering “jacket, jacket” loudly as he passes Sungmin who are still sitting down in front of the television.
“Ooouh somebody’s got a date tonight,” Sungmin says in a sing-song manner. Heechul hisses loudly from his bedroom, still frantically searching for his brown leather jacket that hasn’t been put on since the last date he escaped from. Oh yeah that nightmare. He shivers as he remembers the creepy hands on his shoulders and his hurting knuckles after he broke that guy’s nose. When was it? Eight months? A year ago?
“Why can’t we sell it, hyung? We could use the money for our big dinner!” oh now I’m your hyung? You opportunist bastard.
“Because I said no, and it’s my fucking phone you piece of shit. Stop leeching off other people’s property!” he smacks Kyuhyun’s head as he put on the black V-neck long cardigan (screw the jacket he’d feel traumatise if he ever find it anyway) and rushes to the door. Kyuhyun pouts but oh well Heechul don’t give a shit about that. Sungmin is here; your pouts are his concern.
“Aww damn it! Where’s that fucking watch??” he yells while slipping in his shoes, frustrated. Rushingly he runs towards his bedroom again, this time with his shoes on.
“Hey take off your shoes, dumbass! I’ve just vacuumed the carpet today!” Kyuhyun shrieks as he sits next to Sungmin and Sungmin covers his ears.
“Don’t have time, gotta rush!” he mumbles as he slams the door open. Kyuhyun huffs and Sungmin is laughing at their squabbling. A few minutes later, their doorbell rings.
“Hey Kyuhyun!” Heechul yells from inside of his room.
“What?”
“Get the door, will you?”
Kyuhyun is flabbergasted. Sungmin asks him why. He chuckles a little, and then shrugs as he stands up and runs to open the front door. The guy behind it is holding a bouquet of blood-red roses, and is pretty nervous despite his cool look and handsome hair.
“Oh, Mr. Nice Ride. Come on in, he’s looking for his watch, that careless dumbass.”
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