[Mini-series] Belonged : Mine (5/5)
Belonged: Mine [5/5]; Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Donghae, Hyukjae(Eunhyuk), Jongwoon(Yesung), Ryeowook, Siwon; Chaptered, angst, romance, slice of life; PG-15 (for this part); the boy band Super Junior belongs to SM Entertainment and to their selves respectively. I disown anything that you recognized in this fiction, except for the style of writing and plots. Any original characters’ names that resemble real life persons are purely coincidental.
A/N: An epilogue will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for taking your time to read this fan-fiction till the end. *bows politely*
-
Naturally, people would think that getting ready for a wedding is a hard work that should be done with cautious planning and cooperation of the people involved, needless to say the bride and groom. Though usually it is the bride who faces the risk of having double heart attacks when the favoured hall at a luxurious golf club is fully booked for the rest of the year, or the head bridesmaid has forgotten to list out every name she hates from the guest list. If treated wrongly by their future spouse during sensitive times such as choosing the right gown, or getting the perfect designer shoes, or the flowers become white lily instead of red blood roses, or the cake is not the traditionally contemporary design, the bride will face the common sickness or timely mutation called ‘The Bride-zilla’ phase. The after effect of this phase is mostly disastrous and could be a prolonged event even until a few years after the wedding itself, thus it is advised to be avoided as much as possible.
For the groom, however, the risks are indefinite.
To Hyukjae, being a groom himself, there were a lot of risks that should be considered in preparation of his wedding. Most of it, surprisingly; would probably be emotionally and mentally. What he would like to explain basically is you go try being a man who was in love with just one man for, let’s say; most of his teenage years into his twenties until his early thirties and then you suddenly decided that okay, this is all I need, this is enough. This is the time to stop breaking anyone’s heart anymore.
This is the time to stop being happy just for yourself.
It wasn’t once that Hyukjae thought ‘ah I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. For whom is this difficulty all done for? Me and Donghae, we haven’t done anything wrong, right? Why should we sacrifice ourselves for others’ sakes?’. Sometimes he asked these questions to his unconscious mind while he was sleeping. Most recently while he was in his office, asking the same questions a few minutes after he hung up the call from Ae Ri, whom excitedly called to tell him about the mini cupcakes they had chosen the design a few days ago as a part of the goodie bags for the guests.
He chuckled as he listened to Ae Ri non-stop talking; the expensive hand-carved fountain pen twirled in his hand, the handphone was cupped next to his left ear with his fingers pressing his temple. Her voice was nasally, words jumping happily on her tongue, a bit slurred at times and she often lost the exact words to describe something she was talking about, so she went around the words, telling Hyukjae of its definition instead, or the way it looked like. Sometimes she was frustrated at not being able to figure out a word so bad; Hyukjae would jump in and started a guessing game with her. Minutes of jumping around available adjectives and created-at-spur words, they finally ended up laughing when Ae Ri asked what was it that they were searching for in the first place.
You see, the risk also involved not breaking the heart of the wonderful bride of his. Of course, he could always avoid dragging her into his mess. He could always say “let’s not get married,” and always be prepared for her hands slapping him across the face or punching his nose and let it be crooked or even smashing his skull, but Ae Ri had this pair of amazing twinkling eyes and Hyukjae wouldn’t want to let tears pool at the side of those eyes. Ae Ri has done nothing, too, just like him and Donghae. So why must he do all this?
He then closed his tired eyes, counting the stars he saw behind his closed lids. He saw a shooting star; and then a few white bubbles bursting and turned into several other bubbles on the black background. Why, why must he be the one sacrificing everything he had ever had? Sungmin said it was fine. It was okay if he couldn’t take it. Sungmin could always return and Hyukjae knew right then if he ever whispered that he was tired, Sungmin would come running to his side, apologising for being such a selfish bastard. That’s why he kept quiet. It was because Sungmin was like that, he wouldn’t say anything.
Sungmin had protected him since they were little kids. He protected Hyukjae like how a big brother would protect his little brother. Bullying him first but then kicking other’s asses for touching his little brother because nobody can harm Hyukjae except him. He protected Hyukjae in silence; would be too ashamed if Hyukjae ever found out about him going out of his way for Hyukjae (which was why he couldn’t stay mad at Sungmin for always talking trash about Donghae) and Hyukjae thought a hero would always be like that. Doing nice things in silence and would rather be unknown, as long as his brother would be safe.
Hyukjae shivered at the thought of that. He was safe because Sungmin protected him.
And then there’s Kyuhyun that had always been the centre of weight to Sungmin’s every move and decision after Hyukjae. Gosh, was having them both as his centre enough? A selfish little brother and a slightly egocentric lover? What a simple bloke. Kyuhyun had fallen for a simple bloke like Lee Sungmin; haha Hyukjae would love to laugh. But Kyuhyun finally loved someone (after years of loving only his own self), and if Donghae’s story was right, he was marrying Lee Sungmin. Oh how Hyukjae would love to see how bad Sungmin cried when Kyuhyun asked him the big question. He was sure Sungmin was crying hard, because if that ever happened before, it was only in his deepest dream and Sungmin would be crying when he woke up and he would call Hyukjae to reassure him that don’t worry, he was still being protected (though it was being conveyed through questions of ‘how was your day?’ or ‘would you like to hang out sometimes?’).
Then he opened his laptop to start checking for the updated work he gave his assistant to handle yesterday, and he was reminded of his mother who was so happy that he is getting married. Ah that woman. That beautifully aging, middle aged woman who had been disappointed for half or her age by almost everyone she had given her life to trust them with (but only Sungmin didn’t, and she finally acknowledged that). He used to feel guilty for leaving the house, leaving his mother and leaving the business empire for someone like Donghae (but he knew he wasn’t really feeling like that when Donghae held his hand and guided him to their new home). He used to wonder what would be his mother’s reaction if he suddenly goes back home after a month of pondering whether he did the right thing (good thing he didn’t) and tried calling his mother. The woman answered the phone right away and Hyukjae was genuinely shocked, so he didn’t say anything except a few gasps and ‘uhs’ and ‘ahs’. She finally lost her temper and sternly told him “if you don’t plan on coming back home or apologise, then don’t bother calling!”
He laughed, remembering how angry his mother was and how all smileys she was these days. She had been out shopping with Ae Ri’s mother on days when Hyukjae was too busy in his office and Ae Ri was knocked out after her night shift for five days straight and they couldn’t find the time to buy all the small things to prepare for the family gathering (at this point Hyukjae wondered where’s the wedding planner his mother was talking about?)
She said he was the King now. She was happy because her son was now near her. She must’ve been so worried when he left the house more than ten years ago. He wondered how many times she had been pacing from her bedroom to his the first few nights he left. She might look a bit cold, but only sons could tell how much love mothers reserved for them.
And then… and then there’s Donghae. Of course there’ll always be Donghae secretly hiding somewhere in it. It used to be just Donghae for him. Was it because they’re getting old and their priorities were influenced by emotions and attachments that Donghae was not his everything anymore? Then if emotions and attachments were the reasons, why was Donghae not the one he exempted from being hurt?
His phone vibrated for a few seconds; the screen lit up and the image of an envelope appeared flying in from an angle. He took it into his hand then slid his thumb pad across the screen and his eyes were shut half way almost automatically.
‘what were you thinking are you out of your mind am coming to see you where are you’
The text read utterly pissed inside his head. Hyukjae sighed.
‘office. Blackwoods café at 3’
By now, he was sure the announcement about his wedding had been all over the televisions across the nation, and Sungmin was coming and he was going to squeeze him inside out.
-
Sungmin didn’t know about the wedding until he saw it on the news. By that time, only a week left until the big day arrive. He turned off the television and turned around to Kyuhyun who was sitting all stiff in front of his laptop over the kitchen bar where he was trying to finish the work he brought home; he thought about how being together in the same room as Sungmin at times like this was the worst. Sungmin asked Kyuhyun if he knew anything about it beforehand, and with hands rubbing the small hairs at the back of his head, Kyuhyun nodded. He also added the information about Donghae being Hyukjae’s best man, and Sungmin was left speechless.
“I don’t understand. He loves Donghae, and Donghae loves him. Why must they do this?” he slammed his body hard into the squeaky expensive leather couch Kyuhyun bought on impulse just a week before he returned from being dead (funny that Kyuhyun thought of how beautiful it would be to see Sungmin sprawled naked on it while handing his platinum card over to the salesgirl at the showroom).
What Sungmin didn’t understand at that time was that everyone has their own definition of happiness. He didn’t understand that people has the right to choose their own ways to achieve the happiness they thought they want, the happiness that they sought after. Most probably due to his thoroughly-sorted-out nature to file everything that he knew under the documents of black and white as the facts been lain out in front of him and refusing to see anything unacceptable or probably irrelevant to the facts he gathered. He thought he knew the kind of happiness Hyukjae wanted and the kind of happiness that Donghae wanted, so that late afternoon, while Kyuhyun was at work and Sungmin was still confused and a bit irritated, somehow that feeling turned into anger. Grabbing his phone, he speed-texted furiously to Hyukjae and started to arrange the words that he was going to use to strangle Hyukjae with.
He arrived at Blackwoods café earlier than the promised time, with a pair of glasses on, a favourite pink beanie; already washed out of its originally bright colour to a pale, almost white pink covering his hair and almost all of his forehead, and a dark brown leather jacket on top of the hand-knitted white turtle neck he wore inside. He should have given it a second thought when Hyukjae suggested this damn café - meeting with a supposedly dead guy shouldn’t be done inside of a place where eighty per cent of the employees had their lunch or secret office affairs, added with glasses panels as the walls. He wasn’t very convinced that his face would’ve been forgotten so easily by the employees, not when his pictures were still all over the building, framed with expensive carved woods and bouquets of flowers were still being replaced in front of them every other day.
Damn it. He wasn’t sure whether this Lee Hyukjae was too distracted to think or too stupidly brave to make him shut his pie hole.
He glanced at his watch. Still got ten minutes until Hyukjae was supposed to arrive, though Hyukjae wasn’t very known for his punctuality. He then chuckled; the memories of Hyukjae hastily putting on his black suit while running in the hallway of their mansion two years back, bed hair sticking out from his head as he sat down in the last line of the guests who attended the memorial service for their father suddenly re-emerged inside his head. He saw him in between the heads of the men in suits, and Hyukjae saw him too, and he bowed to Sungmin before they both gave each other knowing smiles. Because then, Sungmin was the head of the service, and apparently it wasn’t very nice for him to greet the son who ran away from home just because he wanted to be happy.
Hyukjae stayed until the service ended, though. He could see the lady of the house peeking through the small opening between the two heavy wooden doors, shaking her head when she saw her then abandoned son on the balcony of the library of the mansion, and had already prepared to do something in case she decided to make a scene and throw Hyukjae out. Luckily she didn’t, and walked past the room to the master bedroom across. What a strange mother, that woman. Her expression of love was so twisted, only people alike could see her real intention. Sungmin thought for a while that perhaps he was a little bit like her, but then shook his head, denying the sad longing.
“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he asked, entering the library as his fingers swiftly unbuttoning his suit and snaked out of it. Hyukjae chuckled as he hooked the lifeless suit on the backside of a chair near the chess table.
“I do, on special occasions. Like today.” He lifted his hand with the Columbian cigar nipped between his fingers, waving showily at Sungmin and offered another one from the silver case that he promptly took out from his slack’s pocket, and his brother rejected it without words.
“Good work today, hyung.”
“Thanks. I thought you were busy with the garage?” he asked, sinking into the comfortable couch that was facing the opened door to the balcony where Hyukjae was smoking. His thumbs dipped into the soft temples at the sides of his head, trying to get the heaviness out from his brain.
“I was. But Donghae told me I should at least come home today. He said dead man isn’t that much of a burden anymore.” Sungmin snorted, and Hyukjae smiled.
“Well I’ll be damned. Your boyfriend said the right words.” He leaned his head backwards until it rested on the wooden carving framing the velvety back rest of the couch. The heavy smell of concentrated tobacco filled his lungs as the night air blew inside the room, and Sungmin coughed. Hyukjae apologised laughingly, inhaled deeply at once on the cigar and then quenched the lit up end into the marble railing of the balcony. He dusted his suit for any ashes before walked up to Sungmin who was still in the same relaxing position since a few minutes ago.
“I’m sorry it’s hard on you, hyung.”
“Stop apologising, I’ve been hearing that shit too much today.” Sungmin grunted, lifting his head up straight and stared at Hyukjae’s face. His brother turned the other way, avoiding his gaze.
“So, are you still happy? With Donghae?” he suddenly asked, his stare had already turned into a soft gaze and a smile lit up on his face. Hyukjae nodded shyly after a few seconds, and Sungmin reached for his hand.
“Good. All I need is for you to make me sick just by listening to you lovebirds being in love for each other, or that thing about how you hate washing the grease out of your hands and overalls, or about the food you shopped with him.” Hyukjae smiled, but then pulled his hand away.
“Why are you being like this, hyung? What makes you want to sacrifice everything for me? I’m not particularly a model of a little brother, am I?”
Sungmin smiled, and patted Hyukjae’s head as he stood up.
“Remember when I first told you about Kyuhyun; how I actually feel about him?” Hyukjae nodded.
“I was actually planning to die that night. Because believe it or not, Hyukjae, of all the things that I’ve faced at that point, that was the first time I’ve thought about wanting someone I couldn’t have. And I find that to be very distressing.” Hyukjae eyes bulged, his mouth gaped open. This was not what he expected from Sungmin, though he had always wondered what was it that was playing inside his brother’s mind all the time.
“But… but hyung, you told me your feelings for the first time.”
“After months of contemplating about everything that could possibly be questioned, yeah. I was planning to die here, in this library, perhaps after leaving you and Kyuhyun a letter. I was ready to make a statement. That I too, was a human, capable of being hurt, physically and mentally. That I had my own longings. That being in love was very beautiful, even for someone who wasn’t worth existing like me.” Hyukjae stood up as fast as he could, and pulled Sungmin into his embrace. His body was warm and soft and everything love, it was overwhelming Sungmin too much he felt like crying.
“You’re everything else but nothing, hyung. You’re everything else but that. Oh, hyung, what made you - I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, hyung. If only I knew…” Hyukjae tightened his arms around Sungmin’s shoulders, and he could feel his action reciprocated. Sungmin tightened his arms around Hyukjae, and patted his back.
“Idiot. Don’t you remember? You saved me.” Hyukjae pulled away, tears in his eyes, and then he sniffed. Sungmin chuckled, said something about him being ugly but he didn’t say anything to deny that.
“I don’t understand.”
“That night, after I told you that I’m in love with a man,” he pulled Hyukjae back into his arms, and sighed contentedly. As if he was relieved to have the man near him, he continued,
“you did the exact same thing like this. You hugged me, so tight, and you said that I was an idiot to fall in love with that best friend of yours. But you didn’t say I was weird. After that you didn’t really say anything at all.”
“But we did that all the time, hyung.” Hyukjae sounded confused but Sungmin was still hugging him, so he couldn’t see what his brother’s face was like.
“I know, right? We did that all the time, and I was angry with myself because only when I thought of the end, that I was able to see it,” they finally pulled away when a maid entered the room with some refreshments that Sungmin asked her to bring in earlier. They both said thanks and Sungmin continued his story. Hyukjae sat silently, sipping on his tea and hands fishing for some small crackers with cheese.
“I saw that I had you. I will always have you, Hyukjae.” Sungmin didn’t know the reason, but he felt his throat tightened and his heart was swimming in emotions, and his words were halted.
“Hyung?”
“I will always have someone who would hug me even when I say nothing, and I realised I didn’t really have a statement to make. I was just a brat, Hyukjae. I was looking for attentions. And you were that other brat who gave me exactly what I need. Attention, care, love. A brother. So I thought wouldn’t it be nice if I can do something for this other brat?”
He couldn’t remember what Hyukjae said after that, probably because he started to sob and Hyukjae were mumbling something like “you’ll always have me, hyung,” and “damn we’re crying like bitches,” while wiping his tears away with his sleeves.
Ah, what a nice memory, he thought. Embarrassing, he admit that, but very nice.
-
“Hyung!” Hyukjae called him a bit loudly, and Sungmin jolted out from his daydream. His brother was grinning at him while pulling out the chair in front of him to sit down. He ordered a cranberry juice without checking out the menu from the waiter and then focused his gaze to Sungmin when he heard Sungmin sighed, exasperatedly.
“Nice disguise, hyung. If it’s not for that ugly beanie, I would’ve thought your car broke down again,” he said with a small laugh at the end of his voice after a few seconds of silence. Sungmin hissed, annoyed with the mockery and started to regret for telling Kyuhyun everything about the car he was so stubbornly wanted.
“Thanks for the unnecessary concern, but I’ve already got it fixed, by Donghae,” Sungmin said, straining a little on the word ‘fixed’ and obviously on Donghae’s name. Hyukjae chuckled and leant into the backrest of his seat. He saw how Sungmin’s face was clouded with queries, so he was preparing himself with possibly the best answer he had all the time; just like the one he gave to Kyuhyun and anyone else that was concerned enough to know. The only answer he thought would suffice for them.
It was the best for everyone.
“Bullshit,” Sungmin suddenly whispered between his gritted teeth. Hyukjae froze. He didn’t expect his brother to be a mind reader.
“What’s on the news was bullshit, right? Tell me the truth, Hyukjae. Were you forced to marry her? Is it for any big project? Because I swear, if that’s all to it, I’m going to smash your pretend wedding to pieces!” his voice was loud that a few heads turned worriedly, and Hyukjae bowed his head saying “it’s nothing”.
“Nobody forced anybody. I like Ae Ri, and she likes me,” he told Sungmin calmly as if he was telling him about a new cat that he got for a pet. His gaze was relaxed but fixed on Sungmin’s as his brother was drilling holes on his face.
“Don’t make the same mistake that I did, Hyukjae. It might be tough now, but it will be better in the future. I know it will. Please, rethink about it.” Sungmin palmed the top of Hyukjae’s hand, but he slowly pulled away. His smile was small, and he shook his head.
“You can’t use that on me, hyung. I’m not Kyuhyun and Donghae is not you. We do not want the same thing. I still love him, and if I’m right, he still feels the same about me, but that’s it. We’re not chasing each other anymore.” Sungmin could hear the subtle warning in Hyukjae’s voice - don’t say you’re sorry, hyung, don’t fucking say it - but he knew it was his fault that Hyukjae had to face all these. He didn’t really like Donghae, but he never wanted anyone to face the consequences of that one tiny little selfish act that he brought upon himself. Just because that one little thought he had to meet Kyuhyun again while he was in America and then the universe did the rest. The plane crash that really turned everything upside down for him and Kyuhyun, and vice versa. As if just for once, Heavens above pitied him and granted him a lifetime’s worth of happiness through other people grieves.
“Sorry,” he gave up and finally whispered, and Hyukjae clucked his tongue, annoyed. His fingers were tapping lightly on the sides of his drinks, drawing figures on the small beads of water that perspired from the melting ice inside his cranberry juice. His eyes were looking everywhere but on Sungmin.
“This apology thing should stop or it’s going to stick to you like a bad habit, Vincent Lee.” His voice stressed on Sungmin’s new name, and it struck his brother like a lightning bolt. Sungmin sat up straight with both hands on his lap, unable to think of anything. He felt like he should say something, but his effort to pick up any word that came to mind only resulted in a big ball of nervousness gulped down his throat.
Hyukjae was still leaning comfortably into his seat. This time, his right hand was twirling the black and curly drinking straw inside the glass, producing clinking sounds as the squares of ice were clashing against each other and the glass walls.
He needed to do this. Someone needed to say something about this. About how this affair was not only inside the Lee household. That Donghae was sewn in by him from a long time ago and he was bound to be torn out fiercely by Hyukjae himself. Someone should make Sungmin realised that his choice could never be undone now, now that he had pull a certain Cho Kyuhyun inside their twisted tale.
“You’re not Lee Sungmin, my brother. You’re Vincent Lee, the lover of my best friend, Cho Kyuhyun. My charismatic, loyal, charming and extremely loving big brother is dead almost a year ago. It was a plane crash and we are still devastated about losing him.”
“Stop it, Hyukjae. It’s not funny.”
“It isn’t funny. It never is,” he finally put his stares on Sungmin’s face, serious and heavy.
“So I hope you won’t ever apologise on behalf of my dead brother anymore, Vincent. What’s dead should stay dead. I think you had always carried this in mind when you went to Kyuhyun after you return to Seoul, while I was still grieving about Sungmin’s death.”
“Are you still mad about that?”
“I’m still mad about a lot of things, but it’s a waste of time to be mad about everything all the time. Because in comparison, me being mad about these things is too small with the years my deceased brother held in, just for me to be happy with my life, and I can’t possibly complaint about that to anyone, ever.”
Sungmin closed his eyes and breathed in. He could feel Hyukjae’s cold fingers on the back of his hands; gently touching but not holding.
“So hyung, live. Live and be free. Love Kyuhyun like how he deserves to be loved, and be loved like how you would like to be loved. Laugh to your heart’s content, cry until you melt, be angry at silly things. Ever since you walked through our mansion gate, you’ve been that little boy with your head down for a long time, hyung. Now you’ve walked out of it, so why are you still keeping your guard up?” Sungmin bit his lower lip, trying to keep his heart from spilling out through his eyes. His chest was so tight, he might burst if someone ever gave him a gentle tap right then.
“I’m here to talk you out of this-”
“Marriage, I know. And it won’t work, and you know that.”
“Hyukjae, don’t put the entire burden on yourself.”
“No, hyung, listen. You’ve got to stop carrying everything by yourself. Me? I’m only taking back my share. I mean, yeah it looks tough, but everyone carries different luggage. You can’t judge that mine is heavy just because it looks the same as yours.” Hyukjae chuckled as he pulled his hands back to the sides of his glass.
“You’re persistent, Lee Hyukjae.” Sungmin finally said when his heart calmed down from the storm of emotions he had earlier. His coffee was now cold, so he put the cup aside and crossed his arms as he watched his little brother sucked up the last drops of the cranberry juice in front of him. He could never understand Hyukjae’s obsession with drinks that have ‘berries’ in their names.
“Well, you know I learnt from the best,” Hyukjae said, rising his eyebrows and pointing his index finger in Sungmin’s direction. Sungmin wanted to smile, but he turned around as he realised that Hyukjae’s gesture was beyond his face.
Kyuhyun was closing in towards them with a smile that never failed to make Sungmin curled and wept internally.
“So, I heard my sweetheart is being very stubborn,” he said jokingly, one hand naturally resting on Sungmin’s nape and the other hand bump-fisting with Hyukjae at the same time. Hyukjae nodded laughingly, enjoying the look on Sungmin’s face; shocked, confused and upset at the same time. He liked the way Sungmin changed. He really did. He remembered the time when Sungmin was being too cautious with his expressions. He thought showing that you’re happy when you’re happy was a dangerous thing to do. People would see that and they would take advantage of you. Thinking about it, how long did Sungmin suffer the fear of being too happy?
“I wasn’t expecting you here, Kyuhyun.”
“Yes but I expected you to be here after what I told you yesterday,” he said, pulling a chair from the table next to them and sat down, one hand back on Sungmin’s nape and the other one palmed his hand. Sungmin pouted, not happy with the thought of him being too easy to read, yet Kyuhyun figured him out just like that.
“What are you trying to do, sweetheart? No, let me rephrase that-what can you do?” Kyuhyun finally asked him seriously, and Sungmin looked as if he was being stabbed by an invisible knife. Kyuhyun’s hand that had travelled down to his back, circling the curve just above his waist felt hot and uneasy but he didn’t want him to stop doing that at the same time. Like he needed a threat to say this.
“I can always help him.”
“How, hyung? By returning to the company? Shocking everyone to see you’re alive? Messing up everything you’ve been trying change in your life?” Hyukjae suddenly felt impatient so he asked Sungmin with a voice louder than usual. It was a given that it was already after lunch hour and most of the customers had already left, leaving only the three of them and a couple of girls about five tables away, too distracted with their own conversation to care about the others around them. Kyuhyun flashed a glance at Hyukjae, letting him know that he didn’t want him to say anything anymore, and Hyukjae frowned. Kyuhyun then returned to Sungmin, hands now palming Sungmin’s in his lap, leaning a little in his lover’s direction. Sungmin was looking down at their connected hands, slightly thankful by how easy it was today to have Kyuhyun looking at him and holding him like this.
“Vincent Lee… were you thinking of leaving me? Am I a burden that you’d only realised by now? Because if you do, we can always find another option. We’ve found one by being together right now, haven’t we? There will always be another option, somewhere, and you don’t have to stick to the one that you found first,” Kyuhyun said to him in a voice that only the three of them could hear, and Sungmin bit his lower lip. His eyes were now on Kyuhyun’s face, hands tightening and he didn’t feel like letting go.
“How could I…? No, that’s not what I -”
“But you know, as your first option; your first selfish choice after so many years you spent crying alone thinking about everyone else-no offense, Hyukjae,” he glanced over once again to Hyukjae, asking him to understand.
“None taken,” Hyukjae raised his palm.
“…I want you to know that me; this first choice of yours will always stay. Whenever you need to come running into someone’s arms, I’m going to be here. Because I’m always yours,” he pulled Sungmin’s hands to his lips and kissed them, gently yet subtly. Sungmin could feel his eyes stinging. He could hear his heart was finally bursting and it’s going to flow out through his eyes.
“Did I saved a country in my past life that I get to have you now, Cho Kyuhyun?” he joked, but he knew he was crying because Kyuhyun’s thumbs were on the sides of his eyes and his nose felt stuffy.
“You’ve saved a lot of people even in this life, Sungmin, so of course you’re the only one who deserved a marvellous reward like me,” Kyuhyun said in his giggles, and Sungmin punched his shoulder. Hyukjae smiled while passing him the tissue box on the table, saying something in between “you’re still a cry-baby, hyung” and “you’re still ugly” so Sungmin crinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue.
“I’m not going to leave, Kyuhyun. Nobody’s going to,” Sungmin said softly after he calmed down; gosh he was being tormented twice today, both by the two people he loved more than his life. Was it a blessing or a curse?-it’s funny to think that it was up to him whichever came first. He then looked at Hyukjae and his composed posture, and he realised that Hyukjae had always been calm since he arrived. He must’ve thought about what on Sungmin’s mind at least a thousand times. He wondered if he was being cruel by questioning his little brother’s option out of the blue, and only now there was regret in his chest.
“I won’t be at your wedding, though. So come to our house after the party and we’ll celebrate it together, just the five of us,” he finally said as Kyuhyun raised his hand for the bill (only then he was reminded that he didn’t even order anything for himself). Hyukjae squinted, wondering if Sungmin were saying the right number of people. Seeing his brother’s wondering face, Sungmin chuckled and patted Hyukjae’s cheek.
“Me, Kyuhyun, you and your bride… and Donghae.”
“Hyung…” Hyukjae whined, defeated. This Lee Sungmin knew no mercy.
“I know, I know. It’s just that, I never said anything nice about him when you’re together. He’s a fine lad, Hyukjae, and I’m really happy to know that in the past ten years, he’d loved you properly. A relationship that long, doesn’t it deserve a proper ending, too?”
‘A proper ending,’ Hyukjae whispered to himself as he was riding the elevator back to his office. He could still see Kyuhyun holding Sungmin’s hand as they left the café together, and he wondered how happy must they be to instantly smiled like idiots after Sungmin crying like that.
A proper ending was what he should give to Donghae.
-
5,256,000 minutes.
Donghae loved it when he put the ten years he had with Hyukjae in minutes. Big numbers made him realised that he was happy for such a long time. What were the things they did in those five million minutes?
Slamming the front hood of the brown old Honda shut, he jumped onto it to have a little rest before resuming to another car. Sighing, he pulled out his box of Dunhill from the front pocket of his overall, only to grunt as nothing came out when he tapped the open end of it onto his palm.
Live at least a year longer, Lee Donghae!
A voice suddenly emerged at the back of his head and yelled at him, and he remembered seeing his precious emergency supplies were being thrown inside a big black plastic bag by Hyukjae who seemed to be satisfied as he did so. It usually took Hyukjae all he had to make sure Donghae wouldn’t be having his occasional smoking session after dinner every night, and on the nights that he failed, Donghae would hear the door slammed shut behind him and thirty minutes later, he would find himself running out of breath chasing a sulking Hyukjae down the street, apologising and promising that he wouldn’t do it again. Hyukjae would stop walking, turned around and mocked him for being breathless even after only a few steps of relaxed stroll around their neighbourhood.
You’d do it again, I know you would
Hyukjae would say with his nose scrunched, but still walking into Donghae’s opened arms. People find it to be a hassle to be out on the street on nights like this, so with no living person in sight, Donghae would take this opportunity to hold Hyukjae tight in his arms and gave him a light kiss on his lips, promising that he wouldn’t do it again; the one promise he could never fulfil even until now.
You’re goddamn shameless, Lee Donghae
Hyukjae would say, but he ended up replying the kiss anyway.
Donghae dumped the empty box of Dunhill into the nearest waste basket on his right, chuckled as he was reminded of the pink cheeks and silly laughter they shared as they were on their way back to their apartment, hands entangled and none of them seemed to want to let go.
5,256,000 minutes of his life were filled with silly fights, sulky faces and silent kisses like these, and to Donghae, nothing were as precious as these moments meant to him.
The sound of another car’s hood being slammed greeted him from behind, and Donghae was jolted awake from his daydream. A huge young man with shallow dimples and pointy ears showed up from behind the white Wrangler; smiling as he wiped away the trickling sweats that were dripping from his forehead. From his wide grin, Donghae guessed that he must have had fixed the crickety cooling fan of the old jeep so Donghae made a mental note to check his work later on.
“Oh, you scared me!” he shrieked as he turned around when he saw his boss staring at him from on top of the car next to him without a word; eyes relaxed and mouth slightly gaped. Donghae then laughed while extending one of his hands out towards his junior mechanic, hoping the young man would understand his wish. The young man lifted his right eyebrow, couldn’t figure out the meaning behind the unprecedented gesture.
“Chanyeol-ah, your Malboro.”
Chanyeol clapped once as he finally understood Donghae’s gesture, before he solemnly frowned. Donghae hated that expression.
“Aish, I’ll pay you later, you cheapskate brat! Didn’t I pay you enough salary for you to even spare me a box?” he asked with his face scowled. The young man bit his lower lip and slowly shook his head. Donghae hissed and pulled his fist by his ear, ready to launch it in any second on the young man’s face if Chanyeol doesn’t start talking out his reasons for denying his boss a goddamn cigarette. Chanyeol flinched as he saw Donghae’s rock-like fist, and put both his palms up, defending his face.
“Someone threw my supplies away, hyung! It’s not that I don’t want to, you see. They even confiscated the last box I had in my pocket when I got home last night, nagging about trying to get me to live a year longer or something...” Chanyeol spoke through his gritted teeth as his face turned annoyed; in his head there was a small older guy with high cheekbones and thin lips smiling happily as he tied the black plastic bag with Chanyeol’s nicotine supplies in it, but Donghae didn’t seem to react to his words (he wished Donghae would nod and agree, at least). Instead, Donghae lowered his fist and sighed heavily.
“Live a year longer... yeah, Chanyeol-ah. Let’s do that,” Donghae suddenly said after a long minute of silence, eyes staring beyond Chanyeol’s wondering face, probably someplace away from the dimension they were currently in. Chanyeol grinned idiotically; he always did that whenever he couldn’t decipher the meanings behind someone’s deep speech, and man what a shame his boss seemed to be a freaking mid-thirties with a lot to be thought about.
“Sorry, hyung?” he asked, still clueless about whatever Donghae was talking about. As if he was woken up once again from a dream within a dream, Donghae grinned and patted the huge guy’s back.
“I need to live at least for another year. Another year, and then let’s see where the road will lead me,” he said again, and this time Chanyeol gave up on wasting his time figuring out whatever dope his boss was being high on.
Another 525,600 minutes wouldn’t hurt. Another 525,600 minutes of trying to fulfil a little promise he made with Hyukjae. No matter how insignificant or futile the promise was to others, Donghae would like to let Hyukjae be happy and proud of him for the last time.
“Oh, by the way, hyung, you said you’re not going to be around tomorrow, right?” Chanyeol asked as he was handing a can of beer into Donghae’s hand. The question was actually weighed more towards a confirmation rather than a simple enquiry, and Chanyeol somehow was ready to receive any different answers given than the ones he expected inside his head. Maybe it became a habit to him since he started working at the garage more than five months ago. Donghae would say that he was not going to work for a few days, but the next day he would suddenly appeared from underneath the cars, face smothered with black oil and smelly grease, scolding Chanyeol for being late as if he didn’t say anything about taking a leave yesterday. Chanyeol thought maybe this hyung is a workaholic to the bones (if only he knew what a torture being home without a heart was like, he probably wouldn’t thought of that) so in the end he never took Donghae’s word for any leave seriously.
But for tomorrow, Donghae said it was important, and he already said it a few times that he shouldn’t miss it (either to himself or Chanyeol), so Chanyeol felt a little obligatory to somehow remind his boss about it. Sure, it could be a mess not having Donghae around even for a day in the garage, what’s with a newbie like him, but he thought maybe a day or two without someone to order him around (or robbing his cigarettes whenever he felt like it) would be nice. Donghae grimaced, and turned to glare at Chanyeol’s face. Somehow he could see a pair of puppy ears being timidly lowered against his reaction on Chanyeol’s head.
“Don’t even think of bringing your girlfriends here, you punk! This is my garage, not your fucking bedroom.” He jumped off the car’s hood and aimed to smack the back of Chanyeol’s head at the same time but missed. Sighing in relief, Chanyeol took a few steps backward, away from his boss while having his arms above his head, probably trying out a few tricks he learnt from his friend Baekhyun to avoid what seemed to be a habitual assault from Donghae whenever he was pissed.
“Aish, hyung! Does that even make sense? I know what’s what, hyung. Don’t worry, you just go and enjoy the wedding; leave the garage to me. Have a little more trust in me, hyung.” Chanyeol grinned, showing his perfectly aligned teeth and Donghae had a flashing thought of whether this kid was somehow a toothpaste model in the past.
“But whose wedding is it, hyung? You’ve been talking about it since a month ago. A family? Best friend? Or...” Chanyeol suddenly started to grin mischievously; his eyes were squinting as he looked in Donghae’s direction. Uneasiness started to creep on Donghae’s skin because he was damn sure Chanyeol was going to guess and he was going to guess it right. It wasn’t even wrong for Chanyeol to ask or being curious about it, but it wouldn’t be so good either for his heart that seemed to become fragile by every minute that passed. Not wanting to listen to the end of Chanyeol’s guess, Donghae cleared his throat and started to unbutton his overall as he made his way back to his office on the garage’s first floor.
“Ya - yah, start working. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I need to find a wedding gift for the couple. Make sure you do the final testing on the engine first before you pass the checklist to Na Jung. I don’t want the client to wait for another hour just because you fucked up like last time. You hear me, dumbass?” Donghae yelled from the stairs and smiled when he heard Chanyeol answered him “YES!” loud and clear.
The clerk slash his unofficial secretary was busy checking her Facebook and tweeting on both her phone and the PC at her work desk when he walked in, and she couldn’t even care to turn around to greet him even though Donghae cleared his throat a few times as a sign that he was there. Damn this Kim Na Jung, if it wasn’t for her efficiency and extreme problem-solving skills, he wouldn’t even take another goddamn minute to throw her out from his garage.
“Just let this one go, Donghae-ah.”
She’s good in what she’s doing, so why bother?
The voice appeared again, this time a little bit louder and Donghae felt as if Hyukjae was really there with him, whispering next to his ear just to piss him off like he used to. Clenching his teeth, Donghae solemnly walked past his assistant and as if on cue, Na Jung handed him a list. He took it with a curious face and figuring that her boss wouldn’t move from standing dumbfounded behind her, Na Jung swivelled her chair around to face him.
“I’ve completed the checklist of the compartments you asked me to order for Mr. Vincent Lee’s car. Please do revise. The payment cheque received from Mr. Han Daemyun bounced and I’ve tried calling him for more than seven times now, but seems like he’s not going to answer it anytime soon, so I’ve contacted your lawyer just for some future references, in case we might have to use legal action against him,” she explained in one breath before giving Donghae a business smile and returned to her phone in less than a second later.
Yes, this was definitely why he couldn’t let her go, despite her lack of butt-kissing efforts towards her employer.
Isn’t that better? Being buttered up by someone is kinda sad, don’t you think? There’s nothing more ignorant than doing something with a false confidence
“Shut up, Lee Hyukjae! You don’t really have to remind me about that!” he suddenly burst out. Na Jung stopped tweeting and turned around to give him an uncanny look.
“Oh, right. There’s a guest waiting in your office by the way. Just saying.” She told him after a moment of awkward silence (which seemed to occur only in Donghae’s universe, apparently) and the flustered Donghae nodded while opening the door to his office. His nose immediately caught a sniff of a very familiar scent as soon as the door flung opened, and Donghae instantly regretted his small mental breakdown a few minutes earlier.
“Wow, did I say something wrong?” a gentle voice greeted him loud and clear, and this time, just once Donghae thought he would rather have it whispered inside his head.
-
“They’re not going to do anything about it, Sungmin-ah. Hyukjae has already made up his mind, and Donghae is not me,” Kyuhyun shook his head as he watched the old tailor noted down the measurement of Sungmin’s chest while complimenting what a fine built he had. They were at his favourite tailor shop; the small yet stylish - a little too Victorian, though - lot somewhere in the middle of the bustling street in Apgujeong (a place that Sungmin admitted he couldn’t find it by himself even if he wanted to and Sungmin was never lost with his ways) because he told Sungmin that if they’re going to get married, at least let him get his groom a proper tuxedo, and Sungmin immediately agreed (perhaps because he could sense that Kyuhyun was going to suggest a pretty wedding dress instead if he didn’t say anything). Sungmin beamed towards the compliment and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, but still he liked the way Sungmin’s cheeks turned pinkish as he did so.
They had been squabbling about what would happen next since last night while having their occasional monthly wine-tasting when Sungmin told Kyuhyun that he had reminded Hyukjae that as a best man, Donghae should at least treat him one last crazy night of booze in which he ended with,
“He would be an idiot if he let go of this chance I’m giving him,” and Kyuhyun decided to argue that,
“Being an idiot has always been Lee Hyukjae’s specialty,” and Sungmin said that he wasn’t talking about Hyukjae alone. Kyuhyun immediately understood what Sungmin was saying - to make them both question the pride of the love that survived for ten long years, that not everyone has the chance to love someone so devotedly and passionately. Kyuhyun understood what Sungmin meant perfectly, because even to him, Donghae and Hyukjae had always been that one couple among your close friends in which every time you see them, you couldn’t help but ask ‘they’re still together? Really? After all these years? Wow.’
“I still don’t think Donghae would do anything that you have in mind. Again, he’s not me.”
“But Hyukjae is my brother, and you know how the Lee family is, don’t you?” Sungmin interjected as he picked up a shirt from a display rack, feeling rather hard to agree with Kyuhyun’s conclusion which sounded a bit self-centred towards the end. Kyuhyun chuckled as Sungmin spun around in front of him, showing off the dark blue silk shirt he tried on while the old tailor went to get his old sacred catalogue for the suit’s material, which Sungmin would let Kyuhyun to decide for him.
“Ah, you mean crashing at their love interest’s place the night before their wedding and stir their feelings up?” he mocked, standing up and pulling Sungmin’s hand, catching him off guard as he swirled all over the small dressing room, checking his visual on the mirrors that were surrounding them while telling Kyuhyun to get a room like this at their place. Losing his balance, Sungmin tripped over his own foot and crashed into Kyuhyun’s open arms, and Kyuhyun proceeded to pull him into a dance with the calming classical piece the old tailor always had on in his shop.
“You know that night was unintentional.” Sungmin whispered against his chest, embarrassed.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t. Well, okay, who knows? Maybe Hyukjae is the one who is going to be as pushy as you are. Drunken or sober.” Kyuhyun giggled as he finished the sentence and Sungmin pulled away from him just to glare at his face.
“Oh so now you think I’m pushy?” Sungmin asked sarcastically, and Kyuhyun thought those angry eyes probably were one of the reasons why Lee Sungmin was never off his mind, now and then.
They were lucky the store was an exclusive one which only customers with pre-made appointments could enter, and the old tailor only accepted one reservation per day, so other than the old tailor and his young grandson who was only there on weekends like this, Sungmin and Kyuhyun were alone. So nobody saw the way Kyuhyun grabbed Sungmin’s nape and kissed his pouting lips hungrily, or the way Sungmin gaped for air after the first kiss, only to unintentionally lured Kyuhyun in for another kiss just a few seconds later.
“Kyuhyun... we’re not at home,” Sungmin managed to whisper breathlessly despite the connected lips and crawling hands all over his chest and rear. Kyuhyun then brought one of his hands lower; his fingers were naughtily caressing in between Sungmin’s thighs, tickling him before he slid them higher nearing his crotch. Sungmin sighed desperately, hands trying to push Kyuhyun’s hands away because dear Lord it was in bright daylight and the old tailor could come in anytime soon.
“I know. I won’t do anything else, just this-” Kyuhyun said against his left cheek, and slowly he led his kisses from Sungmin’s lips to his neck, down to his collarbones, leaving trails of red marks in visible places. Sungmin grunted; leaving the store was going to be embarrassing enough with all these love bites and he was going to hit Kyuhyun on his shoulder - or denying any sex for tonight, at least - but the way Kyuhyun wrapped his arms tighter around him and how warm his breath felt gushing against his cheeks were so enchanting that he couldn’t seem to do anything other than succumbing into the embrace. Dangerously immersed with Sungmin’s reaction, Kyuhyun only stopped when he heard someone cleared his throat as his fingers were already dipping into Sungmin’s sides of pants.
“Uhm, grandpa is on the phone, so he told me to hand the catalogue to you first, Kyuhyun-ssi, but I guess you were busy...” a small man, probably in his early twenties was standing in the doorway, face flushed and eyes were fixed on random corners other than the two embracing adults in front of him as he held out a worn out silk-bound catalogue; the precious collection which only a few selected customers had the opportunity to catch a glance upon (Kyuhyun was one of them, obviously). Pulling away, Sungmin turned his back towards the young man to fix his crooked shirt only to realise that he was trying on the silk shirt on display earlier and guilt started to creep into his head.
“Thanks. Junmyeon, isn’t it?” Kyuhyun reached for the catalogue as if nothing happened earlier, and Sungmin secretly hated his guts. Junmyeon nodded, and was about to leave the room before Sungmin finished changing his outfit when they heard someone announced cheerfully, “I’m here!” at the back entrance of the shop. Bowing, Junmyeon quickly excused himself away from the room (and the awkwardness of seeing a pre-coitus event live in front of his eyes) before loud footsteps were heard running hurriedly towards the back entrance. A few moments later, Junmyeon was heard scolding someone and a hearty laughter was roaring while apologising.
“Seriously...” Sungmin finally said as he was back in his black t-shirt and denim, eyes darting on Kyuhyun’s grinning face. Slowly, Kyuhyun moved nearer towards him but Sungmin took a step back as he did so. Sungmin rolled his eyes as Kyuhyun made a curious face even though he was damn sure of the reason.
“Until we’re home, this-” he put up his arms straight against Kyuhyun’s chest, giving a clear distance between them, “is the closest you are allowed to be near me. Understood?”
Kyuhyun groaned and tried to push his arms away but Sungmin didn’t budge. Sungmin then made a new mental note on how shameless Kyuhyun could be when he wanted affection, be it just between them or in the public, so please be alert Lee Sungmin.
-
Kyuhyun was having a small talk with the old tailor after that; something about his work (surprisingly, the old tailor was a lawyer himself) completely forgetting about their pre-coitus moment when Sungmin smelt something sweet coming from the back of the shop. Excusing himself with saying that he needed to go to the gents, Sungmin then quietly proceeded to find the source of the smell. Wandering around, he found a door at the end of the hallway; dark blue with a white swan as its knob, looking so lonely to had to be alone on the water. Sungmin thought it gave a depressing image.
As he turned the doorknob, the door creaked opened and the sound of someone strumming a guitar greeted his ears. It was so cheerful and lovely, Sungmin wondered again about the depressing swan on the blue door earlier. It shouldn’t be there, he thought.
“Yah, don’t come yelling like that next time you come here. He’s not going to scold you because he likes you, but grandpa’s customers usually are rich people, and you know how rich people are, don’t you? They don’t like noisy people like you,” he heard Junmyeon scolding someone as he saw him carried a freshly baked cupcakes in a tray from behind the door.
“Sorry, won’t do it again. Anyways, hyung, where did you learn to bake? I thought you only eat meats?” a rather coarse voice asked jokingly, and Sungmin could see a huge hand was trying to steal a cupcake from the tray but Junmyeon slapped it away, saying it was still hot and “what would you do if you burnt your hand, dumbass?”
His mouth felt watery so Sungmin stepped closer than he should be to have a better look on the fluffy cupcakes. Impatient, he pushed the door a little too hard and it ended up knocking an empty bucket behind it. Junmyeon jumped and guy who was strumming the guitar earlier stood up (he was huge!) while looking at him who was awkwardly standing with his butt sticking out.
“Ah, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I just, uh, the cupcakes. I love sweet things like that.” He tried to explain but his words didn’t seem to match, so after almost a minute without any other word spoken, he turned around and ready to bolt when the huge guy called out his name.
“Mr. Vincent Lee, right?” Sungmin halted in his way and turned around. The tall guy with black cap and red t-shirt was beaming and Sungmin thought he was half-shining. He felt like he had seen this kid before, but where was it?
“It’s Chanyeol, Vincent-ssi. Park Chanyeol. I work at Donghae hyung’s garage, remember?” he told him when Sungmin looked dumbfounded. Sungmin then remembered seeing a pair of long legs sprawled out from underneath a Jeep and Donghae kicking them to wake their owner up the last time he went there for a service on his Hyundai (he wouldn’t give up on that car).
“Ah, right. Wait, I thought the garage closes at 7? Now it’s only 4 pm. Are you on leave? What are you doing here?” he asked after their handshake and Chanyeol immediately looked into Junmyeon’s way, smiling mischievously.
“We’re on a date right now, me and Junmyeon hyung.”
“No we’re not. He’s my housemate, but my grandpa likes him so he’s always crashing here whenever he feels like it,” Junmyeon explained almost instantly while peeling off the paper cup from a still steaming cupcake. Chanyeol frowned and Sungmin laughed, almost forgetting the fact that Junmyeon was the one who saw him flustered and maybe a little bit horny half an hour ago.
“Donghae hyung closed the garage early today after his friend came. That hyung, he’s the best man but it’s the groom that needed to remind him for his own bachelor’s night,” Chanyeol finally told him, and Sungmin was at loss with words.
“Vincent-ssi? Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked when he realise Sungmin was staring at him for quite a while after he said that.
“Was it Lee Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun who appeared out of nowhere suddenly asked from the doorway, and Junmyeon who was already stuffing his face with the cupcake seemed flabbergasted when he saw the lawyer.
“I think so, yeah. He’s the groom, right?” Chanyeol answered as he went to hand the choking Junmyeon a cup of drinking water. Sungmin then turned around to face Kyuhyun with a big grin.
“I told you, he’s from the Lee family.”
Continued here -->
A/N: An epilogue will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for taking your time to read this fan-fiction till the end. *bows politely*
-
Naturally, people would think that getting ready for a wedding is a hard work that should be done with cautious planning and cooperation of the people involved, needless to say the bride and groom. Though usually it is the bride who faces the risk of having double heart attacks when the favoured hall at a luxurious golf club is fully booked for the rest of the year, or the head bridesmaid has forgotten to list out every name she hates from the guest list. If treated wrongly by their future spouse during sensitive times such as choosing the right gown, or getting the perfect designer shoes, or the flowers become white lily instead of red blood roses, or the cake is not the traditionally contemporary design, the bride will face the common sickness or timely mutation called ‘The Bride-zilla’ phase. The after effect of this phase is mostly disastrous and could be a prolonged event even until a few years after the wedding itself, thus it is advised to be avoided as much as possible.
For the groom, however, the risks are indefinite.
To Hyukjae, being a groom himself, there were a lot of risks that should be considered in preparation of his wedding. Most of it, surprisingly; would probably be emotionally and mentally. What he would like to explain basically is you go try being a man who was in love with just one man for, let’s say; most of his teenage years into his twenties until his early thirties and then you suddenly decided that okay, this is all I need, this is enough. This is the time to stop breaking anyone’s heart anymore.
This is the time to stop being happy just for yourself.
It wasn’t once that Hyukjae thought ‘ah I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. For whom is this difficulty all done for? Me and Donghae, we haven’t done anything wrong, right? Why should we sacrifice ourselves for others’ sakes?’. Sometimes he asked these questions to his unconscious mind while he was sleeping. Most recently while he was in his office, asking the same questions a few minutes after he hung up the call from Ae Ri, whom excitedly called to tell him about the mini cupcakes they had chosen the design a few days ago as a part of the goodie bags for the guests.
He chuckled as he listened to Ae Ri non-stop talking; the expensive hand-carved fountain pen twirled in his hand, the handphone was cupped next to his left ear with his fingers pressing his temple. Her voice was nasally, words jumping happily on her tongue, a bit slurred at times and she often lost the exact words to describe something she was talking about, so she went around the words, telling Hyukjae of its definition instead, or the way it looked like. Sometimes she was frustrated at not being able to figure out a word so bad; Hyukjae would jump in and started a guessing game with her. Minutes of jumping around available adjectives and created-at-spur words, they finally ended up laughing when Ae Ri asked what was it that they were searching for in the first place.
You see, the risk also involved not breaking the heart of the wonderful bride of his. Of course, he could always avoid dragging her into his mess. He could always say “let’s not get married,” and always be prepared for her hands slapping him across the face or punching his nose and let it be crooked or even smashing his skull, but Ae Ri had this pair of amazing twinkling eyes and Hyukjae wouldn’t want to let tears pool at the side of those eyes. Ae Ri has done nothing, too, just like him and Donghae. So why must he do all this?
He then closed his tired eyes, counting the stars he saw behind his closed lids. He saw a shooting star; and then a few white bubbles bursting and turned into several other bubbles on the black background. Why, why must he be the one sacrificing everything he had ever had? Sungmin said it was fine. It was okay if he couldn’t take it. Sungmin could always return and Hyukjae knew right then if he ever whispered that he was tired, Sungmin would come running to his side, apologising for being such a selfish bastard. That’s why he kept quiet. It was because Sungmin was like that, he wouldn’t say anything.
Sungmin had protected him since they were little kids. He protected Hyukjae like how a big brother would protect his little brother. Bullying him first but then kicking other’s asses for touching his little brother because nobody can harm Hyukjae except him. He protected Hyukjae in silence; would be too ashamed if Hyukjae ever found out about him going out of his way for Hyukjae (which was why he couldn’t stay mad at Sungmin for always talking trash about Donghae) and Hyukjae thought a hero would always be like that. Doing nice things in silence and would rather be unknown, as long as his brother would be safe.
Hyukjae shivered at the thought of that. He was safe because Sungmin protected him.
And then there’s Kyuhyun that had always been the centre of weight to Sungmin’s every move and decision after Hyukjae. Gosh, was having them both as his centre enough? A selfish little brother and a slightly egocentric lover? What a simple bloke. Kyuhyun had fallen for a simple bloke like Lee Sungmin; haha Hyukjae would love to laugh. But Kyuhyun finally loved someone (after years of loving only his own self), and if Donghae’s story was right, he was marrying Lee Sungmin. Oh how Hyukjae would love to see how bad Sungmin cried when Kyuhyun asked him the big question. He was sure Sungmin was crying hard, because if that ever happened before, it was only in his deepest dream and Sungmin would be crying when he woke up and he would call Hyukjae to reassure him that don’t worry, he was still being protected (though it was being conveyed through questions of ‘how was your day?’ or ‘would you like to hang out sometimes?’).
Then he opened his laptop to start checking for the updated work he gave his assistant to handle yesterday, and he was reminded of his mother who was so happy that he is getting married. Ah that woman. That beautifully aging, middle aged woman who had been disappointed for half or her age by almost everyone she had given her life to trust them with (but only Sungmin didn’t, and she finally acknowledged that). He used to feel guilty for leaving the house, leaving his mother and leaving the business empire for someone like Donghae (but he knew he wasn’t really feeling like that when Donghae held his hand and guided him to their new home). He used to wonder what would be his mother’s reaction if he suddenly goes back home after a month of pondering whether he did the right thing (good thing he didn’t) and tried calling his mother. The woman answered the phone right away and Hyukjae was genuinely shocked, so he didn’t say anything except a few gasps and ‘uhs’ and ‘ahs’. She finally lost her temper and sternly told him “if you don’t plan on coming back home or apologise, then don’t bother calling!”
He laughed, remembering how angry his mother was and how all smileys she was these days. She had been out shopping with Ae Ri’s mother on days when Hyukjae was too busy in his office and Ae Ri was knocked out after her night shift for five days straight and they couldn’t find the time to buy all the small things to prepare for the family gathering (at this point Hyukjae wondered where’s the wedding planner his mother was talking about?)
She said he was the King now. She was happy because her son was now near her. She must’ve been so worried when he left the house more than ten years ago. He wondered how many times she had been pacing from her bedroom to his the first few nights he left. She might look a bit cold, but only sons could tell how much love mothers reserved for them.
And then… and then there’s Donghae. Of course there’ll always be Donghae secretly hiding somewhere in it. It used to be just Donghae for him. Was it because they’re getting old and their priorities were influenced by emotions and attachments that Donghae was not his everything anymore? Then if emotions and attachments were the reasons, why was Donghae not the one he exempted from being hurt?
His phone vibrated for a few seconds; the screen lit up and the image of an envelope appeared flying in from an angle. He took it into his hand then slid his thumb pad across the screen and his eyes were shut half way almost automatically.
‘what were you thinking are you out of your mind am coming to see you where are you’
The text read utterly pissed inside his head. Hyukjae sighed.
‘office. Blackwoods café at 3’
By now, he was sure the announcement about his wedding had been all over the televisions across the nation, and Sungmin was coming and he was going to squeeze him inside out.
-
Sungmin didn’t know about the wedding until he saw it on the news. By that time, only a week left until the big day arrive. He turned off the television and turned around to Kyuhyun who was sitting all stiff in front of his laptop over the kitchen bar where he was trying to finish the work he brought home; he thought about how being together in the same room as Sungmin at times like this was the worst. Sungmin asked Kyuhyun if he knew anything about it beforehand, and with hands rubbing the small hairs at the back of his head, Kyuhyun nodded. He also added the information about Donghae being Hyukjae’s best man, and Sungmin was left speechless.
“I don’t understand. He loves Donghae, and Donghae loves him. Why must they do this?” he slammed his body hard into the squeaky expensive leather couch Kyuhyun bought on impulse just a week before he returned from being dead (funny that Kyuhyun thought of how beautiful it would be to see Sungmin sprawled naked on it while handing his platinum card over to the salesgirl at the showroom).
What Sungmin didn’t understand at that time was that everyone has their own definition of happiness. He didn’t understand that people has the right to choose their own ways to achieve the happiness they thought they want, the happiness that they sought after. Most probably due to his thoroughly-sorted-out nature to file everything that he knew under the documents of black and white as the facts been lain out in front of him and refusing to see anything unacceptable or probably irrelevant to the facts he gathered. He thought he knew the kind of happiness Hyukjae wanted and the kind of happiness that Donghae wanted, so that late afternoon, while Kyuhyun was at work and Sungmin was still confused and a bit irritated, somehow that feeling turned into anger. Grabbing his phone, he speed-texted furiously to Hyukjae and started to arrange the words that he was going to use to strangle Hyukjae with.
He arrived at Blackwoods café earlier than the promised time, with a pair of glasses on, a favourite pink beanie; already washed out of its originally bright colour to a pale, almost white pink covering his hair and almost all of his forehead, and a dark brown leather jacket on top of the hand-knitted white turtle neck he wore inside. He should have given it a second thought when Hyukjae suggested this damn café - meeting with a supposedly dead guy shouldn’t be done inside of a place where eighty per cent of the employees had their lunch or secret office affairs, added with glasses panels as the walls. He wasn’t very convinced that his face would’ve been forgotten so easily by the employees, not when his pictures were still all over the building, framed with expensive carved woods and bouquets of flowers were still being replaced in front of them every other day.
Damn it. He wasn’t sure whether this Lee Hyukjae was too distracted to think or too stupidly brave to make him shut his pie hole.
He glanced at his watch. Still got ten minutes until Hyukjae was supposed to arrive, though Hyukjae wasn’t very known for his punctuality. He then chuckled; the memories of Hyukjae hastily putting on his black suit while running in the hallway of their mansion two years back, bed hair sticking out from his head as he sat down in the last line of the guests who attended the memorial service for their father suddenly re-emerged inside his head. He saw him in between the heads of the men in suits, and Hyukjae saw him too, and he bowed to Sungmin before they both gave each other knowing smiles. Because then, Sungmin was the head of the service, and apparently it wasn’t very nice for him to greet the son who ran away from home just because he wanted to be happy.
Hyukjae stayed until the service ended, though. He could see the lady of the house peeking through the small opening between the two heavy wooden doors, shaking her head when she saw her then abandoned son on the balcony of the library of the mansion, and had already prepared to do something in case she decided to make a scene and throw Hyukjae out. Luckily she didn’t, and walked past the room to the master bedroom across. What a strange mother, that woman. Her expression of love was so twisted, only people alike could see her real intention. Sungmin thought for a while that perhaps he was a little bit like her, but then shook his head, denying the sad longing.
“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he asked, entering the library as his fingers swiftly unbuttoning his suit and snaked out of it. Hyukjae chuckled as he hooked the lifeless suit on the backside of a chair near the chess table.
“I do, on special occasions. Like today.” He lifted his hand with the Columbian cigar nipped between his fingers, waving showily at Sungmin and offered another one from the silver case that he promptly took out from his slack’s pocket, and his brother rejected it without words.
“Good work today, hyung.”
“Thanks. I thought you were busy with the garage?” he asked, sinking into the comfortable couch that was facing the opened door to the balcony where Hyukjae was smoking. His thumbs dipped into the soft temples at the sides of his head, trying to get the heaviness out from his brain.
“I was. But Donghae told me I should at least come home today. He said dead man isn’t that much of a burden anymore.” Sungmin snorted, and Hyukjae smiled.
“Well I’ll be damned. Your boyfriend said the right words.” He leaned his head backwards until it rested on the wooden carving framing the velvety back rest of the couch. The heavy smell of concentrated tobacco filled his lungs as the night air blew inside the room, and Sungmin coughed. Hyukjae apologised laughingly, inhaled deeply at once on the cigar and then quenched the lit up end into the marble railing of the balcony. He dusted his suit for any ashes before walked up to Sungmin who was still in the same relaxing position since a few minutes ago.
“I’m sorry it’s hard on you, hyung.”
“Stop apologising, I’ve been hearing that shit too much today.” Sungmin grunted, lifting his head up straight and stared at Hyukjae’s face. His brother turned the other way, avoiding his gaze.
“So, are you still happy? With Donghae?” he suddenly asked, his stare had already turned into a soft gaze and a smile lit up on his face. Hyukjae nodded shyly after a few seconds, and Sungmin reached for his hand.
“Good. All I need is for you to make me sick just by listening to you lovebirds being in love for each other, or that thing about how you hate washing the grease out of your hands and overalls, or about the food you shopped with him.” Hyukjae smiled, but then pulled his hand away.
“Why are you being like this, hyung? What makes you want to sacrifice everything for me? I’m not particularly a model of a little brother, am I?”
Sungmin smiled, and patted Hyukjae’s head as he stood up.
“Remember when I first told you about Kyuhyun; how I actually feel about him?” Hyukjae nodded.
“I was actually planning to die that night. Because believe it or not, Hyukjae, of all the things that I’ve faced at that point, that was the first time I’ve thought about wanting someone I couldn’t have. And I find that to be very distressing.” Hyukjae eyes bulged, his mouth gaped open. This was not what he expected from Sungmin, though he had always wondered what was it that was playing inside his brother’s mind all the time.
“But… but hyung, you told me your feelings for the first time.”
“After months of contemplating about everything that could possibly be questioned, yeah. I was planning to die here, in this library, perhaps after leaving you and Kyuhyun a letter. I was ready to make a statement. That I too, was a human, capable of being hurt, physically and mentally. That I had my own longings. That being in love was very beautiful, even for someone who wasn’t worth existing like me.” Hyukjae stood up as fast as he could, and pulled Sungmin into his embrace. His body was warm and soft and everything love, it was overwhelming Sungmin too much he felt like crying.
“You’re everything else but nothing, hyung. You’re everything else but that. Oh, hyung, what made you - I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, hyung. If only I knew…” Hyukjae tightened his arms around Sungmin’s shoulders, and he could feel his action reciprocated. Sungmin tightened his arms around Hyukjae, and patted his back.
“Idiot. Don’t you remember? You saved me.” Hyukjae pulled away, tears in his eyes, and then he sniffed. Sungmin chuckled, said something about him being ugly but he didn’t say anything to deny that.
“I don’t understand.”
“That night, after I told you that I’m in love with a man,” he pulled Hyukjae back into his arms, and sighed contentedly. As if he was relieved to have the man near him, he continued,
“you did the exact same thing like this. You hugged me, so tight, and you said that I was an idiot to fall in love with that best friend of yours. But you didn’t say I was weird. After that you didn’t really say anything at all.”
“But we did that all the time, hyung.” Hyukjae sounded confused but Sungmin was still hugging him, so he couldn’t see what his brother’s face was like.
“I know, right? We did that all the time, and I was angry with myself because only when I thought of the end, that I was able to see it,” they finally pulled away when a maid entered the room with some refreshments that Sungmin asked her to bring in earlier. They both said thanks and Sungmin continued his story. Hyukjae sat silently, sipping on his tea and hands fishing for some small crackers with cheese.
“I saw that I had you. I will always have you, Hyukjae.” Sungmin didn’t know the reason, but he felt his throat tightened and his heart was swimming in emotions, and his words were halted.
“Hyung?”
“I will always have someone who would hug me even when I say nothing, and I realised I didn’t really have a statement to make. I was just a brat, Hyukjae. I was looking for attentions. And you were that other brat who gave me exactly what I need. Attention, care, love. A brother. So I thought wouldn’t it be nice if I can do something for this other brat?”
He couldn’t remember what Hyukjae said after that, probably because he started to sob and Hyukjae were mumbling something like “you’ll always have me, hyung,” and “damn we’re crying like bitches,” while wiping his tears away with his sleeves.
Ah, what a nice memory, he thought. Embarrassing, he admit that, but very nice.
-
“Hyung!” Hyukjae called him a bit loudly, and Sungmin jolted out from his daydream. His brother was grinning at him while pulling out the chair in front of him to sit down. He ordered a cranberry juice without checking out the menu from the waiter and then focused his gaze to Sungmin when he heard Sungmin sighed, exasperatedly.
“Nice disguise, hyung. If it’s not for that ugly beanie, I would’ve thought your car broke down again,” he said with a small laugh at the end of his voice after a few seconds of silence. Sungmin hissed, annoyed with the mockery and started to regret for telling Kyuhyun everything about the car he was so stubbornly wanted.
“Thanks for the unnecessary concern, but I’ve already got it fixed, by Donghae,” Sungmin said, straining a little on the word ‘fixed’ and obviously on Donghae’s name. Hyukjae chuckled and leant into the backrest of his seat. He saw how Sungmin’s face was clouded with queries, so he was preparing himself with possibly the best answer he had all the time; just like the one he gave to Kyuhyun and anyone else that was concerned enough to know. The only answer he thought would suffice for them.
It was the best for everyone.
“Bullshit,” Sungmin suddenly whispered between his gritted teeth. Hyukjae froze. He didn’t expect his brother to be a mind reader.
“What’s on the news was bullshit, right? Tell me the truth, Hyukjae. Were you forced to marry her? Is it for any big project? Because I swear, if that’s all to it, I’m going to smash your pretend wedding to pieces!” his voice was loud that a few heads turned worriedly, and Hyukjae bowed his head saying “it’s nothing”.
“Nobody forced anybody. I like Ae Ri, and she likes me,” he told Sungmin calmly as if he was telling him about a new cat that he got for a pet. His gaze was relaxed but fixed on Sungmin’s as his brother was drilling holes on his face.
“Don’t make the same mistake that I did, Hyukjae. It might be tough now, but it will be better in the future. I know it will. Please, rethink about it.” Sungmin palmed the top of Hyukjae’s hand, but he slowly pulled away. His smile was small, and he shook his head.
“You can’t use that on me, hyung. I’m not Kyuhyun and Donghae is not you. We do not want the same thing. I still love him, and if I’m right, he still feels the same about me, but that’s it. We’re not chasing each other anymore.” Sungmin could hear the subtle warning in Hyukjae’s voice - don’t say you’re sorry, hyung, don’t fucking say it - but he knew it was his fault that Hyukjae had to face all these. He didn’t really like Donghae, but he never wanted anyone to face the consequences of that one tiny little selfish act that he brought upon himself. Just because that one little thought he had to meet Kyuhyun again while he was in America and then the universe did the rest. The plane crash that really turned everything upside down for him and Kyuhyun, and vice versa. As if just for once, Heavens above pitied him and granted him a lifetime’s worth of happiness through other people grieves.
“Sorry,” he gave up and finally whispered, and Hyukjae clucked his tongue, annoyed. His fingers were tapping lightly on the sides of his drinks, drawing figures on the small beads of water that perspired from the melting ice inside his cranberry juice. His eyes were looking everywhere but on Sungmin.
“This apology thing should stop or it’s going to stick to you like a bad habit, Vincent Lee.” His voice stressed on Sungmin’s new name, and it struck his brother like a lightning bolt. Sungmin sat up straight with both hands on his lap, unable to think of anything. He felt like he should say something, but his effort to pick up any word that came to mind only resulted in a big ball of nervousness gulped down his throat.
Hyukjae was still leaning comfortably into his seat. This time, his right hand was twirling the black and curly drinking straw inside the glass, producing clinking sounds as the squares of ice were clashing against each other and the glass walls.
He needed to do this. Someone needed to say something about this. About how this affair was not only inside the Lee household. That Donghae was sewn in by him from a long time ago and he was bound to be torn out fiercely by Hyukjae himself. Someone should make Sungmin realised that his choice could never be undone now, now that he had pull a certain Cho Kyuhyun inside their twisted tale.
“You’re not Lee Sungmin, my brother. You’re Vincent Lee, the lover of my best friend, Cho Kyuhyun. My charismatic, loyal, charming and extremely loving big brother is dead almost a year ago. It was a plane crash and we are still devastated about losing him.”
“Stop it, Hyukjae. It’s not funny.”
“It isn’t funny. It never is,” he finally put his stares on Sungmin’s face, serious and heavy.
“So I hope you won’t ever apologise on behalf of my dead brother anymore, Vincent. What’s dead should stay dead. I think you had always carried this in mind when you went to Kyuhyun after you return to Seoul, while I was still grieving about Sungmin’s death.”
“Are you still mad about that?”
“I’m still mad about a lot of things, but it’s a waste of time to be mad about everything all the time. Because in comparison, me being mad about these things is too small with the years my deceased brother held in, just for me to be happy with my life, and I can’t possibly complaint about that to anyone, ever.”
Sungmin closed his eyes and breathed in. He could feel Hyukjae’s cold fingers on the back of his hands; gently touching but not holding.
“So hyung, live. Live and be free. Love Kyuhyun like how he deserves to be loved, and be loved like how you would like to be loved. Laugh to your heart’s content, cry until you melt, be angry at silly things. Ever since you walked through our mansion gate, you’ve been that little boy with your head down for a long time, hyung. Now you’ve walked out of it, so why are you still keeping your guard up?” Sungmin bit his lower lip, trying to keep his heart from spilling out through his eyes. His chest was so tight, he might burst if someone ever gave him a gentle tap right then.
“I’m here to talk you out of this-”
“Marriage, I know. And it won’t work, and you know that.”
“Hyukjae, don’t put the entire burden on yourself.”
“No, hyung, listen. You’ve got to stop carrying everything by yourself. Me? I’m only taking back my share. I mean, yeah it looks tough, but everyone carries different luggage. You can’t judge that mine is heavy just because it looks the same as yours.” Hyukjae chuckled as he pulled his hands back to the sides of his glass.
“You’re persistent, Lee Hyukjae.” Sungmin finally said when his heart calmed down from the storm of emotions he had earlier. His coffee was now cold, so he put the cup aside and crossed his arms as he watched his little brother sucked up the last drops of the cranberry juice in front of him. He could never understand Hyukjae’s obsession with drinks that have ‘berries’ in their names.
“Well, you know I learnt from the best,” Hyukjae said, rising his eyebrows and pointing his index finger in Sungmin’s direction. Sungmin wanted to smile, but he turned around as he realised that Hyukjae’s gesture was beyond his face.
Kyuhyun was closing in towards them with a smile that never failed to make Sungmin curled and wept internally.
“So, I heard my sweetheart is being very stubborn,” he said jokingly, one hand naturally resting on Sungmin’s nape and the other hand bump-fisting with Hyukjae at the same time. Hyukjae nodded laughingly, enjoying the look on Sungmin’s face; shocked, confused and upset at the same time. He liked the way Sungmin changed. He really did. He remembered the time when Sungmin was being too cautious with his expressions. He thought showing that you’re happy when you’re happy was a dangerous thing to do. People would see that and they would take advantage of you. Thinking about it, how long did Sungmin suffer the fear of being too happy?
“I wasn’t expecting you here, Kyuhyun.”
“Yes but I expected you to be here after what I told you yesterday,” he said, pulling a chair from the table next to them and sat down, one hand back on Sungmin’s nape and the other one palmed his hand. Sungmin pouted, not happy with the thought of him being too easy to read, yet Kyuhyun figured him out just like that.
“What are you trying to do, sweetheart? No, let me rephrase that-what can you do?” Kyuhyun finally asked him seriously, and Sungmin looked as if he was being stabbed by an invisible knife. Kyuhyun’s hand that had travelled down to his back, circling the curve just above his waist felt hot and uneasy but he didn’t want him to stop doing that at the same time. Like he needed a threat to say this.
“I can always help him.”
“How, hyung? By returning to the company? Shocking everyone to see you’re alive? Messing up everything you’ve been trying change in your life?” Hyukjae suddenly felt impatient so he asked Sungmin with a voice louder than usual. It was a given that it was already after lunch hour and most of the customers had already left, leaving only the three of them and a couple of girls about five tables away, too distracted with their own conversation to care about the others around them. Kyuhyun flashed a glance at Hyukjae, letting him know that he didn’t want him to say anything anymore, and Hyukjae frowned. Kyuhyun then returned to Sungmin, hands now palming Sungmin’s in his lap, leaning a little in his lover’s direction. Sungmin was looking down at their connected hands, slightly thankful by how easy it was today to have Kyuhyun looking at him and holding him like this.
“Vincent Lee… were you thinking of leaving me? Am I a burden that you’d only realised by now? Because if you do, we can always find another option. We’ve found one by being together right now, haven’t we? There will always be another option, somewhere, and you don’t have to stick to the one that you found first,” Kyuhyun said to him in a voice that only the three of them could hear, and Sungmin bit his lower lip. His eyes were now on Kyuhyun’s face, hands tightening and he didn’t feel like letting go.
“How could I…? No, that’s not what I -”
“But you know, as your first option; your first selfish choice after so many years you spent crying alone thinking about everyone else-no offense, Hyukjae,” he glanced over once again to Hyukjae, asking him to understand.
“None taken,” Hyukjae raised his palm.
“…I want you to know that me; this first choice of yours will always stay. Whenever you need to come running into someone’s arms, I’m going to be here. Because I’m always yours,” he pulled Sungmin’s hands to his lips and kissed them, gently yet subtly. Sungmin could feel his eyes stinging. He could hear his heart was finally bursting and it’s going to flow out through his eyes.
“Did I saved a country in my past life that I get to have you now, Cho Kyuhyun?” he joked, but he knew he was crying because Kyuhyun’s thumbs were on the sides of his eyes and his nose felt stuffy.
“You’ve saved a lot of people even in this life, Sungmin, so of course you’re the only one who deserved a marvellous reward like me,” Kyuhyun said in his giggles, and Sungmin punched his shoulder. Hyukjae smiled while passing him the tissue box on the table, saying something in between “you’re still a cry-baby, hyung” and “you’re still ugly” so Sungmin crinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue.
“I’m not going to leave, Kyuhyun. Nobody’s going to,” Sungmin said softly after he calmed down; gosh he was being tormented twice today, both by the two people he loved more than his life. Was it a blessing or a curse?-it’s funny to think that it was up to him whichever came first. He then looked at Hyukjae and his composed posture, and he realised that Hyukjae had always been calm since he arrived. He must’ve thought about what on Sungmin’s mind at least a thousand times. He wondered if he was being cruel by questioning his little brother’s option out of the blue, and only now there was regret in his chest.
“I won’t be at your wedding, though. So come to our house after the party and we’ll celebrate it together, just the five of us,” he finally said as Kyuhyun raised his hand for the bill (only then he was reminded that he didn’t even order anything for himself). Hyukjae squinted, wondering if Sungmin were saying the right number of people. Seeing his brother’s wondering face, Sungmin chuckled and patted Hyukjae’s cheek.
“Me, Kyuhyun, you and your bride… and Donghae.”
“Hyung…” Hyukjae whined, defeated. This Lee Sungmin knew no mercy.
“I know, I know. It’s just that, I never said anything nice about him when you’re together. He’s a fine lad, Hyukjae, and I’m really happy to know that in the past ten years, he’d loved you properly. A relationship that long, doesn’t it deserve a proper ending, too?”
‘A proper ending,’ Hyukjae whispered to himself as he was riding the elevator back to his office. He could still see Kyuhyun holding Sungmin’s hand as they left the café together, and he wondered how happy must they be to instantly smiled like idiots after Sungmin crying like that.
A proper ending was what he should give to Donghae.
-
5,256,000 minutes.
Donghae loved it when he put the ten years he had with Hyukjae in minutes. Big numbers made him realised that he was happy for such a long time. What were the things they did in those five million minutes?
Slamming the front hood of the brown old Honda shut, he jumped onto it to have a little rest before resuming to another car. Sighing, he pulled out his box of Dunhill from the front pocket of his overall, only to grunt as nothing came out when he tapped the open end of it onto his palm.
Live at least a year longer, Lee Donghae!
A voice suddenly emerged at the back of his head and yelled at him, and he remembered seeing his precious emergency supplies were being thrown inside a big black plastic bag by Hyukjae who seemed to be satisfied as he did so. It usually took Hyukjae all he had to make sure Donghae wouldn’t be having his occasional smoking session after dinner every night, and on the nights that he failed, Donghae would hear the door slammed shut behind him and thirty minutes later, he would find himself running out of breath chasing a sulking Hyukjae down the street, apologising and promising that he wouldn’t do it again. Hyukjae would stop walking, turned around and mocked him for being breathless even after only a few steps of relaxed stroll around their neighbourhood.
You’d do it again, I know you would
Hyukjae would say with his nose scrunched, but still walking into Donghae’s opened arms. People find it to be a hassle to be out on the street on nights like this, so with no living person in sight, Donghae would take this opportunity to hold Hyukjae tight in his arms and gave him a light kiss on his lips, promising that he wouldn’t do it again; the one promise he could never fulfil even until now.
You’re goddamn shameless, Lee Donghae
Hyukjae would say, but he ended up replying the kiss anyway.
Donghae dumped the empty box of Dunhill into the nearest waste basket on his right, chuckled as he was reminded of the pink cheeks and silly laughter they shared as they were on their way back to their apartment, hands entangled and none of them seemed to want to let go.
5,256,000 minutes of his life were filled with silly fights, sulky faces and silent kisses like these, and to Donghae, nothing were as precious as these moments meant to him.
The sound of another car’s hood being slammed greeted him from behind, and Donghae was jolted awake from his daydream. A huge young man with shallow dimples and pointy ears showed up from behind the white Wrangler; smiling as he wiped away the trickling sweats that were dripping from his forehead. From his wide grin, Donghae guessed that he must have had fixed the crickety cooling fan of the old jeep so Donghae made a mental note to check his work later on.
“Oh, you scared me!” he shrieked as he turned around when he saw his boss staring at him from on top of the car next to him without a word; eyes relaxed and mouth slightly gaped. Donghae then laughed while extending one of his hands out towards his junior mechanic, hoping the young man would understand his wish. The young man lifted his right eyebrow, couldn’t figure out the meaning behind the unprecedented gesture.
“Chanyeol-ah, your Malboro.”
Chanyeol clapped once as he finally understood Donghae’s gesture, before he solemnly frowned. Donghae hated that expression.
“Aish, I’ll pay you later, you cheapskate brat! Didn’t I pay you enough salary for you to even spare me a box?” he asked with his face scowled. The young man bit his lower lip and slowly shook his head. Donghae hissed and pulled his fist by his ear, ready to launch it in any second on the young man’s face if Chanyeol doesn’t start talking out his reasons for denying his boss a goddamn cigarette. Chanyeol flinched as he saw Donghae’s rock-like fist, and put both his palms up, defending his face.
“Someone threw my supplies away, hyung! It’s not that I don’t want to, you see. They even confiscated the last box I had in my pocket when I got home last night, nagging about trying to get me to live a year longer or something...” Chanyeol spoke through his gritted teeth as his face turned annoyed; in his head there was a small older guy with high cheekbones and thin lips smiling happily as he tied the black plastic bag with Chanyeol’s nicotine supplies in it, but Donghae didn’t seem to react to his words (he wished Donghae would nod and agree, at least). Instead, Donghae lowered his fist and sighed heavily.
“Live a year longer... yeah, Chanyeol-ah. Let’s do that,” Donghae suddenly said after a long minute of silence, eyes staring beyond Chanyeol’s wondering face, probably someplace away from the dimension they were currently in. Chanyeol grinned idiotically; he always did that whenever he couldn’t decipher the meanings behind someone’s deep speech, and man what a shame his boss seemed to be a freaking mid-thirties with a lot to be thought about.
“Sorry, hyung?” he asked, still clueless about whatever Donghae was talking about. As if he was woken up once again from a dream within a dream, Donghae grinned and patted the huge guy’s back.
“I need to live at least for another year. Another year, and then let’s see where the road will lead me,” he said again, and this time Chanyeol gave up on wasting his time figuring out whatever dope his boss was being high on.
Another 525,600 minutes wouldn’t hurt. Another 525,600 minutes of trying to fulfil a little promise he made with Hyukjae. No matter how insignificant or futile the promise was to others, Donghae would like to let Hyukjae be happy and proud of him for the last time.
“Oh, by the way, hyung, you said you’re not going to be around tomorrow, right?” Chanyeol asked as he was handing a can of beer into Donghae’s hand. The question was actually weighed more towards a confirmation rather than a simple enquiry, and Chanyeol somehow was ready to receive any different answers given than the ones he expected inside his head. Maybe it became a habit to him since he started working at the garage more than five months ago. Donghae would say that he was not going to work for a few days, but the next day he would suddenly appeared from underneath the cars, face smothered with black oil and smelly grease, scolding Chanyeol for being late as if he didn’t say anything about taking a leave yesterday. Chanyeol thought maybe this hyung is a workaholic to the bones (if only he knew what a torture being home without a heart was like, he probably wouldn’t thought of that) so in the end he never took Donghae’s word for any leave seriously.
But for tomorrow, Donghae said it was important, and he already said it a few times that he shouldn’t miss it (either to himself or Chanyeol), so Chanyeol felt a little obligatory to somehow remind his boss about it. Sure, it could be a mess not having Donghae around even for a day in the garage, what’s with a newbie like him, but he thought maybe a day or two without someone to order him around (or robbing his cigarettes whenever he felt like it) would be nice. Donghae grimaced, and turned to glare at Chanyeol’s face. Somehow he could see a pair of puppy ears being timidly lowered against his reaction on Chanyeol’s head.
“Don’t even think of bringing your girlfriends here, you punk! This is my garage, not your fucking bedroom.” He jumped off the car’s hood and aimed to smack the back of Chanyeol’s head at the same time but missed. Sighing in relief, Chanyeol took a few steps backward, away from his boss while having his arms above his head, probably trying out a few tricks he learnt from his friend Baekhyun to avoid what seemed to be a habitual assault from Donghae whenever he was pissed.
“Aish, hyung! Does that even make sense? I know what’s what, hyung. Don’t worry, you just go and enjoy the wedding; leave the garage to me. Have a little more trust in me, hyung.” Chanyeol grinned, showing his perfectly aligned teeth and Donghae had a flashing thought of whether this kid was somehow a toothpaste model in the past.
“But whose wedding is it, hyung? You’ve been talking about it since a month ago. A family? Best friend? Or...” Chanyeol suddenly started to grin mischievously; his eyes were squinting as he looked in Donghae’s direction. Uneasiness started to creep on Donghae’s skin because he was damn sure Chanyeol was going to guess and he was going to guess it right. It wasn’t even wrong for Chanyeol to ask or being curious about it, but it wouldn’t be so good either for his heart that seemed to become fragile by every minute that passed. Not wanting to listen to the end of Chanyeol’s guess, Donghae cleared his throat and started to unbutton his overall as he made his way back to his office on the garage’s first floor.
“Ya - yah, start working. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I need to find a wedding gift for the couple. Make sure you do the final testing on the engine first before you pass the checklist to Na Jung. I don’t want the client to wait for another hour just because you fucked up like last time. You hear me, dumbass?” Donghae yelled from the stairs and smiled when he heard Chanyeol answered him “YES!” loud and clear.
The clerk slash his unofficial secretary was busy checking her Facebook and tweeting on both her phone and the PC at her work desk when he walked in, and she couldn’t even care to turn around to greet him even though Donghae cleared his throat a few times as a sign that he was there. Damn this Kim Na Jung, if it wasn’t for her efficiency and extreme problem-solving skills, he wouldn’t even take another goddamn minute to throw her out from his garage.
“Just let this one go, Donghae-ah.”
She’s good in what she’s doing, so why bother?
The voice appeared again, this time a little bit louder and Donghae felt as if Hyukjae was really there with him, whispering next to his ear just to piss him off like he used to. Clenching his teeth, Donghae solemnly walked past his assistant and as if on cue, Na Jung handed him a list. He took it with a curious face and figuring that her boss wouldn’t move from standing dumbfounded behind her, Na Jung swivelled her chair around to face him.
“I’ve completed the checklist of the compartments you asked me to order for Mr. Vincent Lee’s car. Please do revise. The payment cheque received from Mr. Han Daemyun bounced and I’ve tried calling him for more than seven times now, but seems like he’s not going to answer it anytime soon, so I’ve contacted your lawyer just for some future references, in case we might have to use legal action against him,” she explained in one breath before giving Donghae a business smile and returned to her phone in less than a second later.
Yes, this was definitely why he couldn’t let her go, despite her lack of butt-kissing efforts towards her employer.
Isn’t that better? Being buttered up by someone is kinda sad, don’t you think? There’s nothing more ignorant than doing something with a false confidence
“Shut up, Lee Hyukjae! You don’t really have to remind me about that!” he suddenly burst out. Na Jung stopped tweeting and turned around to give him an uncanny look.
“Oh, right. There’s a guest waiting in your office by the way. Just saying.” She told him after a moment of awkward silence (which seemed to occur only in Donghae’s universe, apparently) and the flustered Donghae nodded while opening the door to his office. His nose immediately caught a sniff of a very familiar scent as soon as the door flung opened, and Donghae instantly regretted his small mental breakdown a few minutes earlier.
“Wow, did I say something wrong?” a gentle voice greeted him loud and clear, and this time, just once Donghae thought he would rather have it whispered inside his head.
-
“They’re not going to do anything about it, Sungmin-ah. Hyukjae has already made up his mind, and Donghae is not me,” Kyuhyun shook his head as he watched the old tailor noted down the measurement of Sungmin’s chest while complimenting what a fine built he had. They were at his favourite tailor shop; the small yet stylish - a little too Victorian, though - lot somewhere in the middle of the bustling street in Apgujeong (a place that Sungmin admitted he couldn’t find it by himself even if he wanted to and Sungmin was never lost with his ways) because he told Sungmin that if they’re going to get married, at least let him get his groom a proper tuxedo, and Sungmin immediately agreed (perhaps because he could sense that Kyuhyun was going to suggest a pretty wedding dress instead if he didn’t say anything). Sungmin beamed towards the compliment and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, but still he liked the way Sungmin’s cheeks turned pinkish as he did so.
They had been squabbling about what would happen next since last night while having their occasional monthly wine-tasting when Sungmin told Kyuhyun that he had reminded Hyukjae that as a best man, Donghae should at least treat him one last crazy night of booze in which he ended with,
“He would be an idiot if he let go of this chance I’m giving him,” and Kyuhyun decided to argue that,
“Being an idiot has always been Lee Hyukjae’s specialty,” and Sungmin said that he wasn’t talking about Hyukjae alone. Kyuhyun immediately understood what Sungmin was saying - to make them both question the pride of the love that survived for ten long years, that not everyone has the chance to love someone so devotedly and passionately. Kyuhyun understood what Sungmin meant perfectly, because even to him, Donghae and Hyukjae had always been that one couple among your close friends in which every time you see them, you couldn’t help but ask ‘they’re still together? Really? After all these years? Wow.’
“I still don’t think Donghae would do anything that you have in mind. Again, he’s not me.”
“But Hyukjae is my brother, and you know how the Lee family is, don’t you?” Sungmin interjected as he picked up a shirt from a display rack, feeling rather hard to agree with Kyuhyun’s conclusion which sounded a bit self-centred towards the end. Kyuhyun chuckled as Sungmin spun around in front of him, showing off the dark blue silk shirt he tried on while the old tailor went to get his old sacred catalogue for the suit’s material, which Sungmin would let Kyuhyun to decide for him.
“Ah, you mean crashing at their love interest’s place the night before their wedding and stir their feelings up?” he mocked, standing up and pulling Sungmin’s hand, catching him off guard as he swirled all over the small dressing room, checking his visual on the mirrors that were surrounding them while telling Kyuhyun to get a room like this at their place. Losing his balance, Sungmin tripped over his own foot and crashed into Kyuhyun’s open arms, and Kyuhyun proceeded to pull him into a dance with the calming classical piece the old tailor always had on in his shop.
“You know that night was unintentional.” Sungmin whispered against his chest, embarrassed.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t. Well, okay, who knows? Maybe Hyukjae is the one who is going to be as pushy as you are. Drunken or sober.” Kyuhyun giggled as he finished the sentence and Sungmin pulled away from him just to glare at his face.
“Oh so now you think I’m pushy?” Sungmin asked sarcastically, and Kyuhyun thought those angry eyes probably were one of the reasons why Lee Sungmin was never off his mind, now and then.
They were lucky the store was an exclusive one which only customers with pre-made appointments could enter, and the old tailor only accepted one reservation per day, so other than the old tailor and his young grandson who was only there on weekends like this, Sungmin and Kyuhyun were alone. So nobody saw the way Kyuhyun grabbed Sungmin’s nape and kissed his pouting lips hungrily, or the way Sungmin gaped for air after the first kiss, only to unintentionally lured Kyuhyun in for another kiss just a few seconds later.
“Kyuhyun... we’re not at home,” Sungmin managed to whisper breathlessly despite the connected lips and crawling hands all over his chest and rear. Kyuhyun then brought one of his hands lower; his fingers were naughtily caressing in between Sungmin’s thighs, tickling him before he slid them higher nearing his crotch. Sungmin sighed desperately, hands trying to push Kyuhyun’s hands away because dear Lord it was in bright daylight and the old tailor could come in anytime soon.
“I know. I won’t do anything else, just this-” Kyuhyun said against his left cheek, and slowly he led his kisses from Sungmin’s lips to his neck, down to his collarbones, leaving trails of red marks in visible places. Sungmin grunted; leaving the store was going to be embarrassing enough with all these love bites and he was going to hit Kyuhyun on his shoulder - or denying any sex for tonight, at least - but the way Kyuhyun wrapped his arms tighter around him and how warm his breath felt gushing against his cheeks were so enchanting that he couldn’t seem to do anything other than succumbing into the embrace. Dangerously immersed with Sungmin’s reaction, Kyuhyun only stopped when he heard someone cleared his throat as his fingers were already dipping into Sungmin’s sides of pants.
“Uhm, grandpa is on the phone, so he told me to hand the catalogue to you first, Kyuhyun-ssi, but I guess you were busy...” a small man, probably in his early twenties was standing in the doorway, face flushed and eyes were fixed on random corners other than the two embracing adults in front of him as he held out a worn out silk-bound catalogue; the precious collection which only a few selected customers had the opportunity to catch a glance upon (Kyuhyun was one of them, obviously). Pulling away, Sungmin turned his back towards the young man to fix his crooked shirt only to realise that he was trying on the silk shirt on display earlier and guilt started to creep into his head.
“Thanks. Junmyeon, isn’t it?” Kyuhyun reached for the catalogue as if nothing happened earlier, and Sungmin secretly hated his guts. Junmyeon nodded, and was about to leave the room before Sungmin finished changing his outfit when they heard someone announced cheerfully, “I’m here!” at the back entrance of the shop. Bowing, Junmyeon quickly excused himself away from the room (and the awkwardness of seeing a pre-coitus event live in front of his eyes) before loud footsteps were heard running hurriedly towards the back entrance. A few moments later, Junmyeon was heard scolding someone and a hearty laughter was roaring while apologising.
“Seriously...” Sungmin finally said as he was back in his black t-shirt and denim, eyes darting on Kyuhyun’s grinning face. Slowly, Kyuhyun moved nearer towards him but Sungmin took a step back as he did so. Sungmin rolled his eyes as Kyuhyun made a curious face even though he was damn sure of the reason.
“Until we’re home, this-” he put up his arms straight against Kyuhyun’s chest, giving a clear distance between them, “is the closest you are allowed to be near me. Understood?”
Kyuhyun groaned and tried to push his arms away but Sungmin didn’t budge. Sungmin then made a new mental note on how shameless Kyuhyun could be when he wanted affection, be it just between them or in the public, so please be alert Lee Sungmin.
-
Kyuhyun was having a small talk with the old tailor after that; something about his work (surprisingly, the old tailor was a lawyer himself) completely forgetting about their pre-coitus moment when Sungmin smelt something sweet coming from the back of the shop. Excusing himself with saying that he needed to go to the gents, Sungmin then quietly proceeded to find the source of the smell. Wandering around, he found a door at the end of the hallway; dark blue with a white swan as its knob, looking so lonely to had to be alone on the water. Sungmin thought it gave a depressing image.
As he turned the doorknob, the door creaked opened and the sound of someone strumming a guitar greeted his ears. It was so cheerful and lovely, Sungmin wondered again about the depressing swan on the blue door earlier. It shouldn’t be there, he thought.
“Yah, don’t come yelling like that next time you come here. He’s not going to scold you because he likes you, but grandpa’s customers usually are rich people, and you know how rich people are, don’t you? They don’t like noisy people like you,” he heard Junmyeon scolding someone as he saw him carried a freshly baked cupcakes in a tray from behind the door.
“Sorry, won’t do it again. Anyways, hyung, where did you learn to bake? I thought you only eat meats?” a rather coarse voice asked jokingly, and Sungmin could see a huge hand was trying to steal a cupcake from the tray but Junmyeon slapped it away, saying it was still hot and “what would you do if you burnt your hand, dumbass?”
His mouth felt watery so Sungmin stepped closer than he should be to have a better look on the fluffy cupcakes. Impatient, he pushed the door a little too hard and it ended up knocking an empty bucket behind it. Junmyeon jumped and guy who was strumming the guitar earlier stood up (he was huge!) while looking at him who was awkwardly standing with his butt sticking out.
“Ah, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I just, uh, the cupcakes. I love sweet things like that.” He tried to explain but his words didn’t seem to match, so after almost a minute without any other word spoken, he turned around and ready to bolt when the huge guy called out his name.
“Mr. Vincent Lee, right?” Sungmin halted in his way and turned around. The tall guy with black cap and red t-shirt was beaming and Sungmin thought he was half-shining. He felt like he had seen this kid before, but where was it?
“It’s Chanyeol, Vincent-ssi. Park Chanyeol. I work at Donghae hyung’s garage, remember?” he told him when Sungmin looked dumbfounded. Sungmin then remembered seeing a pair of long legs sprawled out from underneath a Jeep and Donghae kicking them to wake their owner up the last time he went there for a service on his Hyundai (he wouldn’t give up on that car).
“Ah, right. Wait, I thought the garage closes at 7? Now it’s only 4 pm. Are you on leave? What are you doing here?” he asked after their handshake and Chanyeol immediately looked into Junmyeon’s way, smiling mischievously.
“We’re on a date right now, me and Junmyeon hyung.”
“No we’re not. He’s my housemate, but my grandpa likes him so he’s always crashing here whenever he feels like it,” Junmyeon explained almost instantly while peeling off the paper cup from a still steaming cupcake. Chanyeol frowned and Sungmin laughed, almost forgetting the fact that Junmyeon was the one who saw him flustered and maybe a little bit horny half an hour ago.
“Donghae hyung closed the garage early today after his friend came. That hyung, he’s the best man but it’s the groom that needed to remind him for his own bachelor’s night,” Chanyeol finally told him, and Sungmin was at loss with words.
“Vincent-ssi? Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked when he realise Sungmin was staring at him for quite a while after he said that.
“Was it Lee Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun who appeared out of nowhere suddenly asked from the doorway, and Junmyeon who was already stuffing his face with the cupcake seemed flabbergasted when he saw the lawyer.
“I think so, yeah. He’s the groom, right?” Chanyeol answered as he went to hand the choking Junmyeon a cup of drinking water. Sungmin then turned around to face Kyuhyun with a big grin.
“I told you, he’s from the Lee family.”
Continued here -->