[Oneshot] The One That I Loved
The One That I Loved | 2Min | Fluff, angst, romance, tragedy | PG-13
Because I want to remember you.
*
“I...I like you.”
Am I dead right now?
“Would you...like to go out with me?”
Yeah, I’m dead, and went straight to heaven. I must’ve been a good kid, that God loves me so much and gives me a place in His heaven.
“Urmm...Taemin-shii?” oh come on, face! Smile! Tell him how happy you are right now! This isn’t the expression he expecting!
Oh no...what is wrong with his face? Why is he frowning? No, it’s not about his face, stupid! The question is, what is wrong with MY face???
“Well, I guess, a guy telling you this will only be nothing but troubles. Sorry, but please, just forget about it.”
Oh shit! Oh shit! He’s leaving!! Speak up, Taemin, speak!!
-
Without any thoughts, he grabbed Minho’s shirt, making him jolted. As Minho turned his head around, what he saw was Taemin’s expressionless face, looking right into his small eyes, saying,
“I...I don’t mind going out with you, at all.”
It probably wasn’t a sentence that promised anything, but mysteriously, it carved a smile onto Minho’s beautifully shaped lips.
-
I wanted to keep you inside my memories only, Taemin, but I was worried when I was told that I’ll lose that too.
So in this little time left, I want to own you, just for myself. Sorry, Taemin-ah, for being so selfish.
-
He peeked outside his bedroom, looking at the road next to his house, and the handsome, smiling face was greeting him. Taemin was blooming inside, though he thought he was still dreaming.
Two knocks were heard, and his mom shoved her head into the room. “Taemin-ah, your friend is waiting outside. Hurry!” humming, she went back into the kitchen, finishing the breakfast for that morning.
Taemin sighed. If there is anyone to be blamed for his lack of expressions, for him, it must be his mother. He still doesn’t know why his father married his mother. A woman with no facial expressions, not even a smile when she was happy…his dad must’ve been a patient boyfriend.
But who is he to say that? It’s not easy to change the habit, or your face. That’s why, his friends often misunderstood his reactions.
“I wish I had a face full of expressions, like Minho.”
And speaking of Minho, it supposed to be his line when his lover said thanks to him after accepting his confession. Taemin was really sure, that he was the first to fall in love with Minho, not the other way.
Since when that he started to fall for this guy? Was it from their sophomore years? He thinks so. Minho, walking around the school, carrying his beloved camera, capturing every view that he wanted, was really a breathtaking scene.
And it was when he accidentally came into his art club room, that captured his heart. All he was doing at that time was sketching, and suddenly, a flicker sound from Minho’s camera surprised him. Their only conversation at that time was, ‘sorry I startled you,’ and ended when Minho dashed out from the room due to the bell ringing.
And since then, what Taemin see was Minho’s face, all over the place. His sketch books were filled with Minho’s faces, and his camera, and his posture when he held the camera. All that Taemin thought at that time was he wanted to hug this person that he filled in his sketchbook with, tightly enough that he could transfer his feeling into Minho’s heart.
And a slight peck fell on his cheek. Taemin was dumbfounded, caressing his own face, and blushed. “I waited for you, but then your mom told me to come here.”
He wasn’t smiling, but his cheeks were extremely red. Minho couldn’t help it but smiled. He was happy.
“You know, you’re not so hard to tell.” He kissed Taemin’s another cheek, and gently shifted his lips onto the latter’s.
Taemin’s eyes were rounded, like a pair of spotlights. The warmth of the kiss still lingering around his thin lips, and he liked the feeling.
“You are blushing right now, aren’t you? See, not hard to tell at all.”
-
Oh my God~
He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me.
Can I shout to the world about this? No, no. I want to die, and go straight to heaven, and tell all the angels in there, too, that Minho kissed me.
My first kiss was when I was preparing to go to school, by my first boyfriend.
Oh my God, how I wish for the warmth to stay on my lips forever.
-
It has been a week since Minho confessed, and a week since they started to walk to and from school together. Taemin couldn’t be any happier than this. And one day, Minho finally managed to make him even happier than he already was.
“Let’s go on a date, like, right now?” despite watching his lover’s dull expression, Minho was already happy when Taemin cutely nodded, frantically, showing his eagerness without any doubt.
They went to shop a few outfits, and Minho bought some films for his camera. He said that the newly bought films were for something else, but it’s not like Taemin cared about it so much. Being with Minho like this is the most important thing.
-
“You know, I didn’t really expect you to accept my feelings for you.” Minho suddenly spoke. Taemin already prepared for the question, and this time, he’ll answer it, and explain about his feelings, too, directly and truthfully.
-
Speak Taemin, speak! You aren’t mute, and you know he loves you. What else are you waiting for??
“I...have been in love with you...since the day you...came into my club room...” omona~ he’s trying to remember...so cute!!
I could just melt to die like this! I’m suffocating, Minho-ah!!! Don’t kill me with that cute look!!
“So, it seems like, I got you at the first hello?”
Oh My God!! I am dead, and my boyfriend is the killer. He killed me with his smile.
-
And as they reached upon an accessories store, Taemin’s eyes shined as he saw a phone strap, with a mini camera hanging onto it. ‘Cute,’ he thought, and slowly he fled his way towards the phone strap’s rack. Minho, who was examining a notebook with a smiling panda on it was distracted by Taemin’s move, that he followed the latter steps.
“Hey, this fits me perfectly.” He grabbed the phone strap from Taemin’s hand, and the latter was waving his hands upwards as Minho playfully swung the phone strap in the air. “You were thinking of me when you saw this, right?”
Silence, but Taemin was nodding, slowly. If only Minho got the power to squeeze someone perfectly without hurting them, he’ll try it on Taemin. Squeeze him and put him into his pocket, like a small cute doll.
‘But then he would be too small to be kissed.’ His later thought suddenly crossed, and he was laughing at it. Weird, Taemin put high one of his beautifully aligned eyebrow, as if telling Minho to explain his laugh earlier.
“Then, this will fit you well.” Another phone strap, this time with a mini sketchbook on it, flung into Taemin’s small hands. His eyes were brighter than before.
“Take it, it’s for you.”
-
How should I put this, Taemin-ah? Sorry, for being coward enough to kept my feelings for a long time before this.
I was unsure about the future, and your thoughts too much, that I only keep you inside my mind before. And when I learned the fact that I’m going to forget you soon, I was worried, that you’ll be erased from my life forever.
All these years, of secretly taking your beautiful pictures, and watching you from afar, I suddenly realised, that having your pictures only wasn’t enough. I want to have you in my arms, I want to kiss you as many as I can in this time left.
I want to fill these films with our pictures, and ours only. I want to have your every feeling together with me to be kept in these, because I don’t want to lose them later on. I want to remember you, even when all my other memories are gone.
-
Taemin was waiting for Minho that morning, but he didn’t seem to be able to fetch him that day. He was mega upset about that, but what could he do to express his feelings better?
On his way to the school, suddenly a familiar voice was calling him from behind. “Taemin-ah! Mianhe! I was late!” he ran and hugged the little boy, and Taemin’s upsets were all gone with the warm hug.
“It’s okay. I was worried if something happens to you. Didn’t you bring you handphone?” Minho shook his head, and frowned. But in his heart, he was happy that Taemin spoke more than just a word with him.
“I forgot. I woke up late today.”
-
Shit. Shit. Damn it. Stupid brain.
I’m sorry, Taemin. For a moment ago, I lied to you. I have been around your neighbourhood for almost an hour, but I couldn’t find your house. I’m starting to lose it.
My memories. This stupid curse finally touched me. And soon, you’ll be completely forgotten.
-
Minho started to act weird. Sometimes he came without his school bag, and even with untied shoe laces. He forgot the way to fold a necktie, and that made Taemin really worried.
And when he started to forgot about his own birthday, Taemin finally asked,
“What is the thing you still didn’t tell me, Minho?”
-
So this is it. The time when I suppose to let you know. And let you go.
“I...had Alzheimer.” Your face didn’t show anything, but I know, you’re trying to digest the fact in your head right now.
“That should only happen to the elders, right? Alzheimer?” and you start to move aback from me. As if you are trying to run away after this.
-
Taemin couldn’t believe it. Of all the elders out there, why must it be his love? He’s only 18, for goodness sake!
“Hmmm...our brains, are filled with mysteries. And mine was not excluded. It’s not something that I can change.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Minho sighed, and eyed the small teenager in front of him. How he wished for this day to not to come, but God just didn’t hear his wish. Refusing to hear it, probably.
“And? What can you do about it? I’m losing my memories on everyone, everything, one by one! Are you saying that you still going to love me after this?”
Taemin was stunned. Is he that useless? Not even worth to share the sadness of his love?
Without him even realised, tears fell onto his cheeks. And hiccups suddenly appeared. Minho, who was drown into his own thoughts lifted his head when he heard the hoarse voice of Taemin spoke,
“I never...thought of anyone other than you. Never thought of leaving you. Never thought of questioning whether your love is true.” And realizing that he had hurt the latter’s feeling, Minho stood up and put Taemin in his embrace.
“Mianhe, Taemin-ah. I was wrong, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”
“It’s not fair. This is not fair.”
-
I will be by your side.
Let me carry together your pain. Let me give you my breath when yours are gone.
It’s not easy for me to have you, so at the very least, let me be with you for the remaining times.
I promise, my love for you is true. I promise, that I’ll never leave you.
Even after some time, you will wonder yourself, who is the guy that is always there, next to you, smiling and kissing you every time he came.
I can only smile, when I’m with you.
-
Taemin clenches his fists, until white spots appears. It is the matter of luck, whether Minho is going to recognize him or not today.
“Good evening. Sorry I’m late, the paper finished at 6 today. How have you been?” the pale figure smile, and nod his head, faintly. “So, you did your best, Taemin?” and he feels as if his heart will bursts, listening to Minho’s calling.
And just when he is about to happily explain about today, Minho suddenly frowns. “I’m sorry, Taemin, I lied. I don’t really know who you are.”
“But you know my name.”
“A nurse told me, asking me not to disappoint you.” Taemin smile, and reach for Minho’s hand. His snow cap covers half of his wide eyes, that look so innocent at this moment.
“It’s okay. As long as you know that I am real, then it’s fine, Minho.”
-
The small figured guy came again today. He was smiling, trying to hide his feelings from me. His name was Taemin.
I don’t know. I got the feeling that I knew him before, somehow.
Not just a friend, but as a special someone. Was he my lover?
No, no. Is he my lover?
-
The doctor’s explanation was in medical terms, that made Taemin felt as if he was watching House M.D at the moment. And then, looking at his blank expression, the doctor smiled, and finally simplified his words.
“Minho’s memory won’t get any better, sorry to tell you this. Most of his neurons had been damaged by this disease, and some are still waiting for the same ending. He already lost most of his memory, well, observing this scan, I would say the memories within three to five years ago till present time.” Taemin gulped down his throat, that felt piercing.
“...and as his memories keeps losing, that will affect his other brain’s activities, causing him to be unable to speak, or even managing himself anymore. Other organs may start to disable as well.”
He nodded. That’s all that he could do.
“My advice is, be prepared. At this rate, he won’t last long. I’m sorry, Taemin.” And the doctor’s warm hand patted his shoulders.
-
A boy was standing near a window of a class at the level three of the building, staring outside. The pencil in his hand was moving, means that he was sketching something.
He could feel his heart beat faster, and his face felt hotter than usual. This feeling was undescriptive. He wanted to hold the boy. Never let him go. And as he was thinking, his feet already dragged him upstairs, into the room where the boy was sketching.
The camera was ready in his hand, ‘I want to have this beautiful face in photos.’
And as the flicker was heard, he was so astonished by the mesmerizing look of the boy, that the only words he could came out with was, “sorry I startled you.”
‘Taemin.’ A name was whispered by a voice. He turned around, wondering if it was the boy who spoke, but no one was there. Not even the boy, or the room. Behind him, was an empty space, all white.
‘Taemin. My name is Taemin. And I love you.’
And as he woke up, tears were flowing down his pale, dead face.
“I know, and I remembered. That I love you too.”
-
To my dearest Taemin,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Nothing could describe how sorry I am when I think about my words to you in this time.
It’s not that I didn’t love you, I do. I really do. You’re my first love, and this maybe weird, but be happy, because you will be my last one.
My memories might be lost...
“Doctor, patient in room 132 is having a heart attack!”
“Prepare the shocker!”
...but my love to you will still remain, as long as you love me, as you do.
“Come on, Minho, don’t do this to me! Raise the volt! One more time!”
“No response, doctor!”
“Let’s try again, one more time!”
I am a greedy and selfish man, who wants to live in your heart...
“Doctor, I think we should call his family already.”
“No, he still can be saved!”
...and in your heart only, I wish I could live forever.
“Doctor, we should stop now. He’s gone.”
“I’m sorry, Taemin...”
-
The white cloth that covered the cold face was lifted, and Taemin could hear the sobs and cries of the women behind him. Minho’s mother and sister were hugging each other, still could not believe that their only son and brother were gone, forever.
And as they left the room to complete some forms, Taemin looked at his lover’s dead face, and smiled. “So you didn’t get to remember who I am, after all.” And he kissed the lips.
The lips that used to be so warm and relaxing. Taemin tried his best to hold his tears, when the doctor, Minho’s doctor came in and gave him a letter.
“Minho wanted me to give this to you. I’m sorry, Taemin.”
-
Seize the breeze,
The night is all gone,
Within the deepest sea,
Beneath the strongest earth core,
Above the highest mountain,
Further the farthest star,
They just can't let you out of my mind.
Bring me the heaven,
Take me to hell,
Push me out of the world,
To where the darkest cell,
I still won't stop thinking of you.
Stop my breath,
Let me die unconscious,
Pull my soul out,
Though to me it's precious,
Sink my mind to where it'd b gone,
Tie my feelings to the sharpest end,
Break my heart to trillion lil' pieces,
Suck my memories and throw 'dem away,
Drain my blood out and let it swim,
These won't forever gonna erase you from my foolish heart that only loves you.
You gave me the life,
You blew back the spirit into me,
And you were the reason of my presence in the world,
You gave me something out of nothing,
And you were the reason why I was living.
Taemin-ah, thanks for being by my side in all this times. I just want you to know, how much I love you.
And being your beloved, was the most beautiful thing that life had offered me.
Taemin-ah, sarang hae.
And finally, his tears were showering his beautiful face. Only this time, there’s no Minho to hug him anymore.
“I’m glad that you remembered who I was, Minho. Sarang hae.”
-
A few weeks later, as Taemin were coming home from school, a package with his name on it was sent to his house.
And as he opened it, a dozen of albums were discovered, with his pictures in it, beautifully taken.
And a camera phone strap, came along in an envelope, with a simple note in it:
This is an apology from me for secretly looking into your sketchbooks, and hey, my face were all over it. :D
Love,
Choi Minho
His tears dropped, showering a picture of Minho, smiling while kissing his cheek.
-End-
Because I want to remember you.
*
“I...I like you.”
Am I dead right now?
“Would you...like to go out with me?”
Yeah, I’m dead, and went straight to heaven. I must’ve been a good kid, that God loves me so much and gives me a place in His heaven.
“Urmm...Taemin-shii?” oh come on, face! Smile! Tell him how happy you are right now! This isn’t the expression he expecting!
Oh no...what is wrong with his face? Why is he frowning? No, it’s not about his face, stupid! The question is, what is wrong with MY face???
“Well, I guess, a guy telling you this will only be nothing but troubles. Sorry, but please, just forget about it.”
Oh shit! Oh shit! He’s leaving!! Speak up, Taemin, speak!!
-
Without any thoughts, he grabbed Minho’s shirt, making him jolted. As Minho turned his head around, what he saw was Taemin’s expressionless face, looking right into his small eyes, saying,
“I...I don’t mind going out with you, at all.”
It probably wasn’t a sentence that promised anything, but mysteriously, it carved a smile onto Minho’s beautifully shaped lips.
-
I wanted to keep you inside my memories only, Taemin, but I was worried when I was told that I’ll lose that too.
So in this little time left, I want to own you, just for myself. Sorry, Taemin-ah, for being so selfish.
-
He peeked outside his bedroom, looking at the road next to his house, and the handsome, smiling face was greeting him. Taemin was blooming inside, though he thought he was still dreaming.
Two knocks were heard, and his mom shoved her head into the room. “Taemin-ah, your friend is waiting outside. Hurry!” humming, she went back into the kitchen, finishing the breakfast for that morning.
Taemin sighed. If there is anyone to be blamed for his lack of expressions, for him, it must be his mother. He still doesn’t know why his father married his mother. A woman with no facial expressions, not even a smile when she was happy…his dad must’ve been a patient boyfriend.
But who is he to say that? It’s not easy to change the habit, or your face. That’s why, his friends often misunderstood his reactions.
“I wish I had a face full of expressions, like Minho.”
And speaking of Minho, it supposed to be his line when his lover said thanks to him after accepting his confession. Taemin was really sure, that he was the first to fall in love with Minho, not the other way.
Since when that he started to fall for this guy? Was it from their sophomore years? He thinks so. Minho, walking around the school, carrying his beloved camera, capturing every view that he wanted, was really a breathtaking scene.
And it was when he accidentally came into his art club room, that captured his heart. All he was doing at that time was sketching, and suddenly, a flicker sound from Minho’s camera surprised him. Their only conversation at that time was, ‘sorry I startled you,’ and ended when Minho dashed out from the room due to the bell ringing.
And since then, what Taemin see was Minho’s face, all over the place. His sketch books were filled with Minho’s faces, and his camera, and his posture when he held the camera. All that Taemin thought at that time was he wanted to hug this person that he filled in his sketchbook with, tightly enough that he could transfer his feeling into Minho’s heart.
And a slight peck fell on his cheek. Taemin was dumbfounded, caressing his own face, and blushed. “I waited for you, but then your mom told me to come here.”
He wasn’t smiling, but his cheeks were extremely red. Minho couldn’t help it but smiled. He was happy.
“You know, you’re not so hard to tell.” He kissed Taemin’s another cheek, and gently shifted his lips onto the latter’s.
Taemin’s eyes were rounded, like a pair of spotlights. The warmth of the kiss still lingering around his thin lips, and he liked the feeling.
“You are blushing right now, aren’t you? See, not hard to tell at all.”
-
Oh my God~
He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me.
Can I shout to the world about this? No, no. I want to die, and go straight to heaven, and tell all the angels in there, too, that Minho kissed me.
My first kiss was when I was preparing to go to school, by my first boyfriend.
Oh my God, how I wish for the warmth to stay on my lips forever.
-
It has been a week since Minho confessed, and a week since they started to walk to and from school together. Taemin couldn’t be any happier than this. And one day, Minho finally managed to make him even happier than he already was.
“Let’s go on a date, like, right now?” despite watching his lover’s dull expression, Minho was already happy when Taemin cutely nodded, frantically, showing his eagerness without any doubt.
They went to shop a few outfits, and Minho bought some films for his camera. He said that the newly bought films were for something else, but it’s not like Taemin cared about it so much. Being with Minho like this is the most important thing.
-
“You know, I didn’t really expect you to accept my feelings for you.” Minho suddenly spoke. Taemin already prepared for the question, and this time, he’ll answer it, and explain about his feelings, too, directly and truthfully.
-
Speak Taemin, speak! You aren’t mute, and you know he loves you. What else are you waiting for??
“I...have been in love with you...since the day you...came into my club room...” omona~ he’s trying to remember...so cute!!
I could just melt to die like this! I’m suffocating, Minho-ah!!! Don’t kill me with that cute look!!
“So, it seems like, I got you at the first hello?”
Oh My God!! I am dead, and my boyfriend is the killer. He killed me with his smile.
-
And as they reached upon an accessories store, Taemin’s eyes shined as he saw a phone strap, with a mini camera hanging onto it. ‘Cute,’ he thought, and slowly he fled his way towards the phone strap’s rack. Minho, who was examining a notebook with a smiling panda on it was distracted by Taemin’s move, that he followed the latter steps.
“Hey, this fits me perfectly.” He grabbed the phone strap from Taemin’s hand, and the latter was waving his hands upwards as Minho playfully swung the phone strap in the air. “You were thinking of me when you saw this, right?”
Silence, but Taemin was nodding, slowly. If only Minho got the power to squeeze someone perfectly without hurting them, he’ll try it on Taemin. Squeeze him and put him into his pocket, like a small cute doll.
‘But then he would be too small to be kissed.’ His later thought suddenly crossed, and he was laughing at it. Weird, Taemin put high one of his beautifully aligned eyebrow, as if telling Minho to explain his laugh earlier.
“Then, this will fit you well.” Another phone strap, this time with a mini sketchbook on it, flung into Taemin’s small hands. His eyes were brighter than before.
“Take it, it’s for you.”
-
How should I put this, Taemin-ah? Sorry, for being coward enough to kept my feelings for a long time before this.
I was unsure about the future, and your thoughts too much, that I only keep you inside my mind before. And when I learned the fact that I’m going to forget you soon, I was worried, that you’ll be erased from my life forever.
All these years, of secretly taking your beautiful pictures, and watching you from afar, I suddenly realised, that having your pictures only wasn’t enough. I want to have you in my arms, I want to kiss you as many as I can in this time left.
I want to fill these films with our pictures, and ours only. I want to have your every feeling together with me to be kept in these, because I don’t want to lose them later on. I want to remember you, even when all my other memories are gone.
-
Taemin was waiting for Minho that morning, but he didn’t seem to be able to fetch him that day. He was mega upset about that, but what could he do to express his feelings better?
On his way to the school, suddenly a familiar voice was calling him from behind. “Taemin-ah! Mianhe! I was late!” he ran and hugged the little boy, and Taemin’s upsets were all gone with the warm hug.
“It’s okay. I was worried if something happens to you. Didn’t you bring you handphone?” Minho shook his head, and frowned. But in his heart, he was happy that Taemin spoke more than just a word with him.
“I forgot. I woke up late today.”
-
Shit. Shit. Damn it. Stupid brain.
I’m sorry, Taemin. For a moment ago, I lied to you. I have been around your neighbourhood for almost an hour, but I couldn’t find your house. I’m starting to lose it.
My memories. This stupid curse finally touched me. And soon, you’ll be completely forgotten.
-
Minho started to act weird. Sometimes he came without his school bag, and even with untied shoe laces. He forgot the way to fold a necktie, and that made Taemin really worried.
And when he started to forgot about his own birthday, Taemin finally asked,
“What is the thing you still didn’t tell me, Minho?”
-
So this is it. The time when I suppose to let you know. And let you go.
“I...had Alzheimer.” Your face didn’t show anything, but I know, you’re trying to digest the fact in your head right now.
“That should only happen to the elders, right? Alzheimer?” and you start to move aback from me. As if you are trying to run away after this.
-
Taemin couldn’t believe it. Of all the elders out there, why must it be his love? He’s only 18, for goodness sake!
“Hmmm...our brains, are filled with mysteries. And mine was not excluded. It’s not something that I can change.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Minho sighed, and eyed the small teenager in front of him. How he wished for this day to not to come, but God just didn’t hear his wish. Refusing to hear it, probably.
“And? What can you do about it? I’m losing my memories on everyone, everything, one by one! Are you saying that you still going to love me after this?”
Taemin was stunned. Is he that useless? Not even worth to share the sadness of his love?
Without him even realised, tears fell onto his cheeks. And hiccups suddenly appeared. Minho, who was drown into his own thoughts lifted his head when he heard the hoarse voice of Taemin spoke,
“I never...thought of anyone other than you. Never thought of leaving you. Never thought of questioning whether your love is true.” And realizing that he had hurt the latter’s feeling, Minho stood up and put Taemin in his embrace.
“Mianhe, Taemin-ah. I was wrong, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”
“It’s not fair. This is not fair.”
-
I will be by your side.
Let me carry together your pain. Let me give you my breath when yours are gone.
It’s not easy for me to have you, so at the very least, let me be with you for the remaining times.
I promise, my love for you is true. I promise, that I’ll never leave you.
Even after some time, you will wonder yourself, who is the guy that is always there, next to you, smiling and kissing you every time he came.
I can only smile, when I’m with you.
-
Taemin clenches his fists, until white spots appears. It is the matter of luck, whether Minho is going to recognize him or not today.
“Good evening. Sorry I’m late, the paper finished at 6 today. How have you been?” the pale figure smile, and nod his head, faintly. “So, you did your best, Taemin?” and he feels as if his heart will bursts, listening to Minho’s calling.
And just when he is about to happily explain about today, Minho suddenly frowns. “I’m sorry, Taemin, I lied. I don’t really know who you are.”
“But you know my name.”
“A nurse told me, asking me not to disappoint you.” Taemin smile, and reach for Minho’s hand. His snow cap covers half of his wide eyes, that look so innocent at this moment.
“It’s okay. As long as you know that I am real, then it’s fine, Minho.”
-
The small figured guy came again today. He was smiling, trying to hide his feelings from me. His name was Taemin.
I don’t know. I got the feeling that I knew him before, somehow.
Not just a friend, but as a special someone. Was he my lover?
No, no. Is he my lover?
-
The doctor’s explanation was in medical terms, that made Taemin felt as if he was watching House M.D at the moment. And then, looking at his blank expression, the doctor smiled, and finally simplified his words.
“Minho’s memory won’t get any better, sorry to tell you this. Most of his neurons had been damaged by this disease, and some are still waiting for the same ending. He already lost most of his memory, well, observing this scan, I would say the memories within three to five years ago till present time.” Taemin gulped down his throat, that felt piercing.
“...and as his memories keeps losing, that will affect his other brain’s activities, causing him to be unable to speak, or even managing himself anymore. Other organs may start to disable as well.”
He nodded. That’s all that he could do.
“My advice is, be prepared. At this rate, he won’t last long. I’m sorry, Taemin.” And the doctor’s warm hand patted his shoulders.
-
A boy was standing near a window of a class at the level three of the building, staring outside. The pencil in his hand was moving, means that he was sketching something.
He could feel his heart beat faster, and his face felt hotter than usual. This feeling was undescriptive. He wanted to hold the boy. Never let him go. And as he was thinking, his feet already dragged him upstairs, into the room where the boy was sketching.
The camera was ready in his hand, ‘I want to have this beautiful face in photos.’
And as the flicker was heard, he was so astonished by the mesmerizing look of the boy, that the only words he could came out with was, “sorry I startled you.”
‘Taemin.’ A name was whispered by a voice. He turned around, wondering if it was the boy who spoke, but no one was there. Not even the boy, or the room. Behind him, was an empty space, all white.
‘Taemin. My name is Taemin. And I love you.’
And as he woke up, tears were flowing down his pale, dead face.
“I know, and I remembered. That I love you too.”
-
To my dearest Taemin,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Nothing could describe how sorry I am when I think about my words to you in this time.
It’s not that I didn’t love you, I do. I really do. You’re my first love, and this maybe weird, but be happy, because you will be my last one.
My memories might be lost...
“Doctor, patient in room 132 is having a heart attack!”
“Prepare the shocker!”
...but my love to you will still remain, as long as you love me, as you do.
“Come on, Minho, don’t do this to me! Raise the volt! One more time!”
“No response, doctor!”
“Let’s try again, one more time!”
I am a greedy and selfish man, who wants to live in your heart...
“Doctor, I think we should call his family already.”
“No, he still can be saved!”
...and in your heart only, I wish I could live forever.
“Doctor, we should stop now. He’s gone.”
“I’m sorry, Taemin...”
-
The white cloth that covered the cold face was lifted, and Taemin could hear the sobs and cries of the women behind him. Minho’s mother and sister were hugging each other, still could not believe that their only son and brother were gone, forever.
And as they left the room to complete some forms, Taemin looked at his lover’s dead face, and smiled. “So you didn’t get to remember who I am, after all.” And he kissed the lips.
The lips that used to be so warm and relaxing. Taemin tried his best to hold his tears, when the doctor, Minho’s doctor came in and gave him a letter.
“Minho wanted me to give this to you. I’m sorry, Taemin.”
-
Seize the breeze,
The night is all gone,
Within the deepest sea,
Beneath the strongest earth core,
Above the highest mountain,
Further the farthest star,
They just can't let you out of my mind.
Bring me the heaven,
Take me to hell,
Push me out of the world,
To where the darkest cell,
I still won't stop thinking of you.
Stop my breath,
Let me die unconscious,
Pull my soul out,
Though to me it's precious,
Sink my mind to where it'd b gone,
Tie my feelings to the sharpest end,
Break my heart to trillion lil' pieces,
Suck my memories and throw 'dem away,
Drain my blood out and let it swim,
These won't forever gonna erase you from my foolish heart that only loves you.
You gave me the life,
You blew back the spirit into me,
And you were the reason of my presence in the world,
You gave me something out of nothing,
And you were the reason why I was living.
Taemin-ah, thanks for being by my side in all this times. I just want you to know, how much I love you.
And being your beloved, was the most beautiful thing that life had offered me.
Taemin-ah, sarang hae.
And finally, his tears were showering his beautiful face. Only this time, there’s no Minho to hug him anymore.
“I’m glad that you remembered who I was, Minho. Sarang hae.”
-
A few weeks later, as Taemin were coming home from school, a package with his name on it was sent to his house.
And as he opened it, a dozen of albums were discovered, with his pictures in it, beautifully taken.
And a camera phone strap, came along in an envelope, with a simple note in it:
This is an apology from me for secretly looking into your sketchbooks, and hey, my face were all over it. :D
Love,
Choi Minho
His tears dropped, showering a picture of Minho, smiling while kissing his cheek.
-End-