[Mini-series] Don't Wait, Fall Now
Don't Wait, Fall Now | KyuMin | Angst, romance | PG-13 (Sequel to 'Because He Was There')
So he feels the same.
*
In his first year of marriage with the woman his family picked out for him, on their anniversary, while they were having their dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, his wife asked him;
“Have you had a lover before, Sungmin? I mean, before we’re married?” almost choked on his food, Sungmin took a few minutes to answer the question. Oh how he hated the question.
“Do I have to answer that?”
“Yeah of course. I want to know. Just tell me, I won't bite or anything.” Sungmin didn't look at her face, but biting his fork, and sucked his lower lip. He could feel his neck was sweating despite the extremely cold room they were in.
“Yes. Yes I had. Once. But it’s all in the past. You don't have to worry about anything darling.” He continued to munch his steak, it felt so hard to chew after that. Sungmin wondered if it was because of the bad cook or bad atmosphere. His wife didn't move her fork or slice the meat. She seemed to be in a deep thought.
“Do you... do you want to meet her again?” she asked and spontaneously put a large chunk inside her mouth, chewing and trying hard to look cool, yet her face was worried and blushing. Sungmin couldn’t help but felt that the woman in front of him at that time was so adorable. A dot of tomato ketchup was staining her lower lip, so Sungmin moved his body a few inches towards her and wiped it off, smiling sweetly.
“No I don't want to see her again.”
“Why?”
Because if we meet again, I’ll fall completely
Sungmin didn't want to answer the question, so he finished it off with a simple kiss.
-
He holds the little girl’s hand tight, and lifts her up onto the park bench near the tree. She then pulls her dad to sit next to her on the same bench. Sungmin smiles and nods, following whatever the little girl intend him to do. She pulls her dad right hand into her arms, and licks the ice cream that she has been holding to in her other hand. Sungmin chuckles, and wipes off her messy lips.
“Don't tell your mom that I treat you this, okay? Or she’ll get angry.” The little girl nods vigorously, and Sungmin pinches her cheeks. She pouts, and Sungmin blames his DNA for that. They don’t talk much there, because the little girl is excited to see young couples holding hands and kissing around the park. He wants to cover the girl’s eyes, and he is sure his ex-wife would have already done that if she was here, but then there’s nothing wrong to let the curious kids to wonder about something that they will do sooner or later in their life.
Holding hands and kissing. He first did all that with him.
“Dad, I saw an old poster near the entrance just now. I think it’s a boyband. And I think it was funny because there was one of them that look like you.” Sungmin stares at the little girl, an eye squints. “Ji Sook-ah, I know my face is common, but not everyone will look like me, girl. And why would it be funny?” he pinches his daughter’s cheek one more time, making the girl to shriek and runs from him, giggling and showing her row of teeth with one or two of them missing from the front.
Just when he is about to get up and chase the girl, Ji Sook runs into a couple, bangs her head against the guy and falls onto the pavement. She rubs her forehead and says ‘ouch’ more than five times, but she is not crying. The guy bends and helps her to stands. Sungmin rushes to get his daughter, and he can see the guy is patting Ji Sook’s head, praising her for being tough and all. Sungmin is somewhat stunned.
He knows that voice. He remembers that voice. He misses that voice.
-
“What’s your name, kid?” Youngwoon asks the young boy who came in with their manager hyung a few minutes ago. The boy fists the ends of his shirt, and walks a few small steps back. Sungmin can see his eyes are glancing over the door more than a dozen of times, as if his head is planning the best way of escaping from this packed dorm. “Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun, hyung.”
“Kang - In. Call me Kang - In.”
The skinny boy repeats the name (not a real name though) dozens of times in a few minutes, and his eyes are still looking back at the door, regretting the whatever reasons he had when he stepped into the dorm earlier. A few seconds later, Jungsu comes and sits next to Youngwoon, smacking the younger’s head (definitely not playfully because Sungmin can hear a ‘thwack!’ sound from it) and smiles at the boy as he introduces his name.
“Kyuhyun, right? My name is Park Jungsu, but you know, the company said my name is too common, so they told me to use Leeteuk. Just call me which one you feel better anyway, it doesn't matter. This dufus here, his name is Kim Youngwoon, but since it’s not so commercial I guess it’s better for you to call him Kangin, as he insisted. The one standing right behind you,”
Jungsu pauses and looks straight into Sungmin’s eyes, “is Lee Sungmin. Since his name is pretty and a bit girly, I think the company likes it and he didn't have to change his name. And the guy at your right...” Jungsu continues to explain about the other hyungs that the boy will be living with starting today, but Sungmin thinks Kyuhyun just doesn't listen to anything spoken after his name.
Kyuhyun doesn't turn his head to any of the name owner mentioned. His eyes are looking at Sungmin since he knew his name. Sungmin notices, and looks back at him. he smiles and lifts his left brow, only then Kyuhyun averts his eyes.
“...and that shorty over there, he was the magnae before you, Kim Ryeowook.” A small guy, a really small guy walks awkwardly fast towards him and shakes his hand. He seems to be friendly. “I overheard your singing at the audition a few weeks ago. You were awesome, man.”
Jongwoon, or Yesung as he preferred to be called steps forward and smiles. “Then, then can I hear it right now?”
“Bu - But I ...”
Youngwoon stands up, and smacks his left fist onto his right one a couple of times. “Rebelling against your hyungs, kiddo?” and Sungmin thinks he can hear Kyuhyun’s throat is gulping down a huge lump.
A few minutes after an awkward silence, a hum is heard. Kyuhyun’s eyes are now closed, and his mouth starts to form words, followed by a familiar tune. ‘Now and Forever’ by Richard Max is now echoing inside the medium sized space. The vibration feels like piercing onto Sungmin’s skin, and he can sense his hairs standing. Like the voice of the seventeen year old kid has some magical power with it. When Kyuhyun ends his singing, his face is red. Everyone is clapping, except Sungmin.
I want to hear more, more than that
And he is still pretty sure that Kyuhyun’s eyes never leave him.
-
“How’s life?”
“Just fine, you know; having a daughter alone is hard enough.”
Ji Sook is giggling, Kyuhyun’s date is chasing her. She seems to be relaxed around kids, judging the way she plays with the little girl. Watching them, Kyuhyun dips his left hand into his pants pocket, and pulls out a box of Dunhill. Sungmin seems to be surprised, but he doesn't utter a thing.
“Curious?”
“Kinda. When did you start this?”
Kyuhyun isn’t answering. He lights up the cigarette and sucks the toxic air into his lungs, as if he is taking the entire world’s burden with the air. Satisfied, he takes it off his lips and taps his index finger lightly onto the stick, and the ashes drops to the ground. “A few years ago. After our last kiss.”
-
Sungmin loves it when their door is locked. Because no one can see how many times they exchange kisses. To him, kissing Kyuhyun has become a habit that is so hard to let go. It is a nature to kiss Kyuhyun whenever they are alone.
He doesn't remember when the first time he became comfortable with the kiss was. Was it when Kyuhyun kissed him the first time he confessed? He remembers how he backed away after a few minutes though. Or was it when Kyuhyun started the routine to grab him behind a curtain every time they were going on stage and whispered how they both will do well before they kissed? Sungmin just can't remember.
Because Kyuhyun had kissed him so many times, and he never hated it.
“You were such a great magician tonight,” Kyuhyun says as he cuddles Sungmin as soon as he came out from the shower. His wet hair is still dripping water from it, and lands on Sungmin’s freshly worn pyjama. Irritated, he shoves Kyuhyun away and throws a towel at him, telling him to dry his hair and walks to his guitar. He got a show tomorrow, and he thinks that practicing a few songs can get him pass through the talent test (well which reality or talk show in Korea never had that segment). He puts his fingers on the strings, and picks a few of them, following the notes, before he remembers about what Kyuhyun was saying earlier.
“Correction, Mr Cho, I was a magician’s assistant tonight. And I wasn’t that great. I made a mistake.” He picks on another few strings, and an acoustic single version of “Sorry Sorry” comes out. Kyuhyun chuckles and slowly walks towards Sungmin’s bed, hums the same song before put a finger on its frets, messing the notes that Sungmin was practicing. Sungmin glances at his face, wondering what would be the next thing this magnae is going to do, or to say.
“You were such a great magician’s assistant tonight, and I am so proud of you.” He takes the guitar from Sungmin’s hands, and put it aside.
“I know.”
“Then what’s with the face?”
“I made a mistake. Didn't you see that? I almost let the girl fall at the last minutes.”
Kyuhyun must have expect that he is going to be upset over the simplest matter, because the next thing he know, the magnae is doing his best in comforting him. he talks on how the magic trick Sungmin was performing is a complex one, and how everyone was clapping one he was done, because he had done a wonderful job back in the studio that he shouldn’t have the slightest regret in some silly mistakes.
“And you’re lucky, the magician girl was pretty, and you spent three nights with her.” he senses a pinch of jealousy over the magnae’s deep voice vibrating in the words. Sungmin tries to find Kyuhyun’s face, but he turns his head to the other side, pretending as if he is looking at the wall clock tick-tocking, showing how the hour is not that young for tonight. Slowly he feels a wind of relief strikes through him.
Now he remembers, it wasn’t because of him doing a small mistake that upsets him in the first place, it was because Kyuhyun and his fake scandal in the show. He wished for Kyuhyun to look at him in jealousy when he gave the magician a horny look, but all he did was smile and clapped with the female artist next to him smiling. He wished he could run down the stage and tear the smile off the bitch’s face.
“So... you were jealous.”
“I am jealous, bastard.” He can feel Kyuhyun’s cold hands wrapping his waist, and his cold cheek touches his. It is a good feeling to have that coldness lingering around his body. “You should have said so. I was worried you don't love me anymore.”
“I won't stop loving you, and that was a silly thing to be said, hyung.”
Kyuhyun’s cold lips nibbling with his ear, to his jaw line, and his dry lips. Sungmin likes it. only Kyuhyun can do those weird things on him and he likes it.
“Even when I have found my real love?” Kyuhyun stops, and look at him, before he chuckles slowly.
“You are such a magnificent creature, hyung. Your logics never fail to amuse me.”
He laughs innocently, without even trying to understand Kyuhyun’s simple sarcasm. He refuses to, because he likes Kyuhyun. He is sure he doesn't love him. Not the way Kyuhyun loves him, at the very least of probability.
-
As soon as Kyuhyun and his couple left, with a few promises of meeting again (which he believes will never happen) and their numbers exchanged (Sungmin was thinking of giving a fake number but he didn't in the end), his ex-wife arrives with a young man, maybe just around the age of Kyuhyun’s date just now, and calls for Ji Sook.
“Now, now. Be a good girl, and don't make your mom worried okay?” the little girl sniffs, and hugs her dad. Sungmin chuckles, and wraps his arms around her a bit longer, before his ex-wife pulls her softly from his arms. “I want to stay with daddy a little longer, can't I, mommy?”
“Nope. It’s mommy’s turn this week. Come on, we gonna have some fun okay? Thanks for the care Sungmin.” She smiles, and nods a little before she lifts the girl into her arms and walks away. Sungmin nods back and waves goodbye to the girl in her arms. His girl.
He sits back on his chair at the cafe, hands on the table. Kyuhyun’s cigarettes’ ashes are still scattered on it, and its butt is still sticking out from the ashtray. His hands are moving on their own. Slowly, he picks up the cigarette’s butt, and twists it from finger to finger on his right hand. He used to taste the lips that were having it a few minutes ago. He used to have the lips under his chin, sliding and kissing down to the crooks on his neck, to his chest, and all over his body. His skin used to be so familiar with those lips.
They must have kissed. She must have had the same taste as I did. The taste, the feeling, they were used to be mine
-
The kiss ends when the letter ‘G’ that is arranged on the top of the elevator’s door along with other numbers lights up. Kyuhyun’s breathing is still lingering around his neck, and his nose is still dipping in his collarbone. The door opens, but no one is waiting to get in, or getting out, so it closes again.
I don't want this to end
“We have to stop this.”
“I know. But it’s not easy to let you go.” Kyuhyun pushes him to the wall, and the lips are warming his shivering ones. His left hand is pressing the ‘Lock’ button, so that the elevator won't stop at any level. Sungmin can feel Kyuhyun’s hands are creeping inside his coat.
I want to stay with you forever
“You have to. I told you I’m getting married.” He shoves Kyuhyun away, and pulls his luggage to the door when he sees the numbers lights up from one again. He sighs, and turns to face Kyuhyun.
I want more than a kiss
“You said a kiss. Just a kiss.” Kyuhyun pulls his luggage away from his hands, and grabs his waist, closing the gap between them until Sungmin can see his Adam’s apple moving ups and downs as he swallows just any lumps that he has right now.
“Just a while, just for a while. Be in my arms just for a little while.”
I want to be in here forever
He fists his hands, and roughly hooks his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck. Their lips crush again.
“I wish I knew how to quit you, Lee Sungmin.”
I wish you won't
-
When Heechul and Hankyung sends him a card from France along with an airplane ticket, asking (ordering) him to come and be there for their wedding, Sungmin hides the card from his wife. As if he is afraid that everything about him and Kyuhyun will come out if she found the card. Because to him, Cho Kyuhyun is a past that he never wants to brings up in front of his woman.
“France? For what?”
“Uh - business. You know how dad is. He wants me to have the company sooner or later - not that I hate it - so you have to know that I won't be home for once in a while.” He thinks it is a good thing he was an actor once, because he knows how to control his voice and expressions and movements and everything that he usually won't give a damn about controlling if he is not lying. He is pretty good with lying nowadays, he has to admit it.
“So you will be there for around a week?”
“Why? You want to come along?” he turns and stops packing. His wife looks at him with an interested face. “Can I?”
I wish you didn't ask
“Well after the business I’m free for a few days so maybe we can have a second honeymoon or something?”
“I want to kiss you in front of Notre Dame~!!”
He used to said that to me once
Sungmin chuckles. “But only come after a week, okay? I don't want you to be bored and wait for me like an idiot there. And call me once you’ve bought the ticket, so that I can arrange my schedule better.” He leans and kisses his wife. His woman is beautiful and nice. It was the right thing to do to follow his dad’s request and marry the girl of his friend. Even it was for business in the first place. Sungmin can't help but to love her.
Because it feels right to love a woman
He is sure that Kyuhyun was just a proof of a confused him in the past. And he needs to move on.
I need to bring down the house
-
“Hyung, he’s wearing a tiara.” Donghae suddenly bursts into the room where they are preparing Hankyung for the vowing ceremony. Everyone’s jaws are dropping.
“Yeah, I know. That’s better than what he was whining to wear before deciding this.” Hankyung sighs as Sungmin repairs his bow. Ryeowook is fixing the tall man’s full of gel hair, and Hyukjae is rolling the roller; taking off every dust that sticks to the black tuxedo.
“What was it, hyung?” impatiently, Ryeowook asks ahead of him. Hankyung sighs once again, and Sungmin pats his shoulder.
“Well, a wedding dress. With long silky skirt at the back and almost nothing at the front.” And Sungmin almost fall on his knees, laughing his ass off together with Hyukjae. Ryeowook, as usual, covers his mouth and delicately chuckles.
“I know what you guys are talking about, bastards!” they can hear Heechul’s usual threatening voice coming from the room next door, along with his whining on how the tiara is not the one he was asking before.
“The one you asked was too luxuriant, Heechul. I asked them to change it. Not their fault.” Hankyung yells, loudly but gently (he doesn't know how to interprets Hankyung’s voice) that everybody in the room suddenly turns mute. “What? Why?”
“Just what kind of tiara he was asking then, hyung?”
“The one that looked like Queen Elizabeth’s.”
Donghae and Hyukjae almost faints from laughing too much, and Ryeowook runs out from the room, calling out Yesung’s name to come so that he can hide inside his coat and laugh. Sungmin is on the floor, leaning against his hands backward and looks up at the ceiling. He is laughing like crazy. It has been so long since the last time they were laughing like there will be no tomorrow.
“What’s the matter hyung?” Yesung peeks inside. Sungmin lifts his head until it turns backward and sees Ryeowook is hiding his head inside the other man’s coat, laughing, hands holding each other. Obviously they are in love. He smiles.
Maybe we could be like that
“You know, Heechul hyung is almost finished, and if he gets here before you are done, this will be your funeral hyung.” Kyuhyun’s head sticks out from Yesung’s back, skimming every person in the room, before he stops at Sungmin. Then he nods, and smiles. Sungmin too.
-
Heechul gives his radiant smile once the vows are exchanged. Sungmin realize that. Of course he is able to smile like that, he is married to the man he loves all his might.
He looks around, and he sees Hyukjae is talking to a woman who seems to adore him when Donghae comes and pulls him away, forcing him to nods and apologize to the lady before clumsily putting his glass of wine onto a nearest table he can reach. Donghae means jealousy; everyone knows that. When he walks near to the white curtains that cover the tents, he can see Youngwoon kissing Jungsu playfully once he makes sure no one is watching them on the other side of the tent.
“You look chubby, hyung. And healthy.” Kyuhyun is standing next to him, chewing the parfait that he grabbed from Henry’s plate earlier. Sungmin puts his head down, and chuckles. “I have a wife now, and she cooks. That’s why.”
And I remember what a bad cook you were
Kyuhyun doesn't reply. He smiles and looks at Sungmin’s eyes, just like he used to before. “Your eyes are still as beautiful as they were used to be, hyung.”
Only when I am with you
“I wish I can see your eyes every day like before.”
I wish you were my left eye
“Life is cruel, don't you think so, hyung?”
Yes, because it is never fair
-
The party ends, and the groom and groom leaves the restaurant, the couples goes back to hotels hands in hands, the manly men goes to search for other pubs to stay until morning. And in the end, Sungmin is left alone when Hyukjae apologized for not accompanying him to the hotel. Snickering, he walks by himself, and passes a magnificent old building.
Notre Dame
“Can I do it?” a pair of arms wraps him from behind, and Sungmin almost jumps. He can feel Kyuhyun’s breath lingering on the back of his neck as he dips his nose deeper.
“Do what?”
I thought you won't remember
“Kiss you. I promised you before, didn't I?”
“You’re drunk. Let’s get a taxi.”
Kyuhyun nuzzles his neck even deeper, and let out a lovely hum.
“We ended all these when we headed out from the dorm. That was a promise too.”
Screw all the promises. Turn and kiss me
Kyuhyun ignores his words, and holds his shoulders. Sungmin jolts. But he doesn’t want to move away. His mouth is stopping, but his body is allowing.
Kiss me. Because I -
Kyuhyun leans and Sungmin likes the way the heat flows out from his nose and mouth. The breath has a misty form, and he wants to catch it, put it in a bottle, and kiss it whenever Kyuhyun is on his mind. Pathetic but he doesn't give a damn about it.
Kiss me. Because I -
He can feel the same tenderness on his lips even after a few years. Kyuhyun never kissed him roughly. And whenever he thinks about it, Kyuhyun was gentle with him. he might be harsh and rude with other hyungs, but he got the speciality. he was loved. Too loved by Kyuhyun.
...because I want to bring down the house.
“Hyung, I love you.” But Sungmin backs away.
“This is the last time.”
“But I want to see you again.”
“The next time we meet again, we never had anything between us. We were just a band mate to each other.”
“I don't want that.”
“Then don't come in front of me anymore.”
Because I don't want to fall deeper
-
Sungmin sighs for the umpteenth time. He wants to regret about everything in his life, but he just can't. Because that will never brings his family back together. And his good old times with Super Junior will always remains a sweet unforgettable memory. Because regretting will never make him a winner, and a winner has always been in his blood.
And it won't bring back Cho Kyuhyun next to me
He glances at his phone screen. Kyuhyun number is still on it, waiting for him to click on the ‘Save’ button since forever. Sungmin chuckles, but he actually feels like crying. He’s a businessman now. He is a director of a mega company. He is not too old, he is what people would call ‘a ripening fruit’. He can have everything that he wants, but everything that he needs is far from his grips.
He hates it that whenever he thinks of something, Kyuhyun will always be related to it. Everytime. In every possible link. Kyuhyun when he was preparing breakfast for himself, Kyuhyun when he was showering, Kyuhyun when he saw his employee playing games in the office.
Kyuhyun when he was celebrating his birthday alone earlier this year.
He was the one who told Kyuhyun to go away. he hurt the younger man in every possible way a man can be hurt, and Kyuhyun received them in every possible way a normal man can receive. He never knew to hurt someone is hurt. To deny his own feeling is hurt.
He calls the number that is still not being saved inside his phonebook.
I know he got a new person right now
“Hello? Is this you?”
And I know I will be rejected
“Hyung? I thought you won't be calling.” Kyuhyun let out a small laugh, but then his voice turns weak. “This is not a prank, right? I had enough of them for years.”
But I need to say this, at least once
“Kyuhyun, I know it now. I’m always in love with you. But my love is always measured.”
Silence. No answer from the other line. Sungmin holds his breath.
“They come in degrees.”
“Really? how’s that?”
“When I first saw you, I fell for your voice.” Kyuhyun chuckles, and Sungmin loves to hear his deep voice like that.
“When I secretly fallen for you, I fell for your tenderness.” Kyuhyun sighs.
“When I knew that you love me too, I fell for your invisible jealousy.” Kyuhyun hums, and only God knows what that means.
“When we were together, I fell for your talents and all of your goodness.” Kyuhyun thanks him, and he says “you’re welcome.”
“When we were separating, I only recalled your bad qualities, so that I can hate you sooner. And forget you.” Kyuhyun chokes on his own breath, and Sungmin laughs.
“But then was when I realized, that I only fall in love with you more. Because your bad qualities were only for me to know and for me to see. Because I can't hate you.” Silence.
“And today, today was the worst. I think I am now three-quarter in love with you.” Still silence. But Sungmin caught some heavy breathing earlier. Maybe Kyuhyun is doing something. Maybe he isn’t even taking this seriously, but Sungmin just wants to tell him all this. Once and for all.
“I am three-quarter in love with you, that I think the next time we meet again, I can't hold myself back from wanting to kiss you, and that would be bad for your girlfriend.” Kyuhyun is still not saying anything, so he continues.
“Because if we meet again, I’ll fall completely for you.”
Click. The call ends, just like that. Sungmin looks at his phone, and smiles. Now Kyuhyun despises him. Kyuhyun hates him. He deserves that. Karma. You played people’s heart, they’ll get back at you.
I want to cry
He turns and picks up his briefcase. Too indulged in playing with his daughter earlier (and meeting Kyuhyun), he forgot that he brings works with him today, and he should be going earlier. So he is turning around and walking out from the cafe, when he sees a panting tall man, hands on his knees, forcing the air to enter his lungs quickly.
“What are you waiting for then? I’m here.”
Sungmin can't move his legs. He wants to, but he can't. So Kyuhyun moves. Pulling his hands, and wraps his smaller built inside his protective arms.
“Fall for me completely.”
I already did
-End-
So he feels the same.
*
In his first year of marriage with the woman his family picked out for him, on their anniversary, while they were having their dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, his wife asked him;
“Have you had a lover before, Sungmin? I mean, before we’re married?” almost choked on his food, Sungmin took a few minutes to answer the question. Oh how he hated the question.
“Do I have to answer that?”
“Yeah of course. I want to know. Just tell me, I won't bite or anything.” Sungmin didn't look at her face, but biting his fork, and sucked his lower lip. He could feel his neck was sweating despite the extremely cold room they were in.
“Yes. Yes I had. Once. But it’s all in the past. You don't have to worry about anything darling.” He continued to munch his steak, it felt so hard to chew after that. Sungmin wondered if it was because of the bad cook or bad atmosphere. His wife didn't move her fork or slice the meat. She seemed to be in a deep thought.
“Do you... do you want to meet her again?” she asked and spontaneously put a large chunk inside her mouth, chewing and trying hard to look cool, yet her face was worried and blushing. Sungmin couldn’t help but felt that the woman in front of him at that time was so adorable. A dot of tomato ketchup was staining her lower lip, so Sungmin moved his body a few inches towards her and wiped it off, smiling sweetly.
“No I don't want to see her again.”
“Why?”
Because if we meet again, I’ll fall completely
Sungmin didn't want to answer the question, so he finished it off with a simple kiss.
-
He holds the little girl’s hand tight, and lifts her up onto the park bench near the tree. She then pulls her dad to sit next to her on the same bench. Sungmin smiles and nods, following whatever the little girl intend him to do. She pulls her dad right hand into her arms, and licks the ice cream that she has been holding to in her other hand. Sungmin chuckles, and wipes off her messy lips.
“Don't tell your mom that I treat you this, okay? Or she’ll get angry.” The little girl nods vigorously, and Sungmin pinches her cheeks. She pouts, and Sungmin blames his DNA for that. They don’t talk much there, because the little girl is excited to see young couples holding hands and kissing around the park. He wants to cover the girl’s eyes, and he is sure his ex-wife would have already done that if she was here, but then there’s nothing wrong to let the curious kids to wonder about something that they will do sooner or later in their life.
Holding hands and kissing. He first did all that with him.
“Dad, I saw an old poster near the entrance just now. I think it’s a boyband. And I think it was funny because there was one of them that look like you.” Sungmin stares at the little girl, an eye squints. “Ji Sook-ah, I know my face is common, but not everyone will look like me, girl. And why would it be funny?” he pinches his daughter’s cheek one more time, making the girl to shriek and runs from him, giggling and showing her row of teeth with one or two of them missing from the front.
Just when he is about to get up and chase the girl, Ji Sook runs into a couple, bangs her head against the guy and falls onto the pavement. She rubs her forehead and says ‘ouch’ more than five times, but she is not crying. The guy bends and helps her to stands. Sungmin rushes to get his daughter, and he can see the guy is patting Ji Sook’s head, praising her for being tough and all. Sungmin is somewhat stunned.
He knows that voice. He remembers that voice. He misses that voice.
-
“What’s your name, kid?” Youngwoon asks the young boy who came in with their manager hyung a few minutes ago. The boy fists the ends of his shirt, and walks a few small steps back. Sungmin can see his eyes are glancing over the door more than a dozen of times, as if his head is planning the best way of escaping from this packed dorm. “Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun, hyung.”
“Kang - In. Call me Kang - In.”
The skinny boy repeats the name (not a real name though) dozens of times in a few minutes, and his eyes are still looking back at the door, regretting the whatever reasons he had when he stepped into the dorm earlier. A few seconds later, Jungsu comes and sits next to Youngwoon, smacking the younger’s head (definitely not playfully because Sungmin can hear a ‘thwack!’ sound from it) and smiles at the boy as he introduces his name.
“Kyuhyun, right? My name is Park Jungsu, but you know, the company said my name is too common, so they told me to use Leeteuk. Just call me which one you feel better anyway, it doesn't matter. This dufus here, his name is Kim Youngwoon, but since it’s not so commercial I guess it’s better for you to call him Kangin, as he insisted. The one standing right behind you,”
Jungsu pauses and looks straight into Sungmin’s eyes, “is Lee Sungmin. Since his name is pretty and a bit girly, I think the company likes it and he didn't have to change his name. And the guy at your right...” Jungsu continues to explain about the other hyungs that the boy will be living with starting today, but Sungmin thinks Kyuhyun just doesn't listen to anything spoken after his name.
Kyuhyun doesn't turn his head to any of the name owner mentioned. His eyes are looking at Sungmin since he knew his name. Sungmin notices, and looks back at him. he smiles and lifts his left brow, only then Kyuhyun averts his eyes.
“...and that shorty over there, he was the magnae before you, Kim Ryeowook.” A small guy, a really small guy walks awkwardly fast towards him and shakes his hand. He seems to be friendly. “I overheard your singing at the audition a few weeks ago. You were awesome, man.”
Jongwoon, or Yesung as he preferred to be called steps forward and smiles. “Then, then can I hear it right now?”
“Bu - But I ...”
Youngwoon stands up, and smacks his left fist onto his right one a couple of times. “Rebelling against your hyungs, kiddo?” and Sungmin thinks he can hear Kyuhyun’s throat is gulping down a huge lump.
A few minutes after an awkward silence, a hum is heard. Kyuhyun’s eyes are now closed, and his mouth starts to form words, followed by a familiar tune. ‘Now and Forever’ by Richard Max is now echoing inside the medium sized space. The vibration feels like piercing onto Sungmin’s skin, and he can sense his hairs standing. Like the voice of the seventeen year old kid has some magical power with it. When Kyuhyun ends his singing, his face is red. Everyone is clapping, except Sungmin.
I want to hear more, more than that
And he is still pretty sure that Kyuhyun’s eyes never leave him.
-
“How’s life?”
“Just fine, you know; having a daughter alone is hard enough.”
Ji Sook is giggling, Kyuhyun’s date is chasing her. She seems to be relaxed around kids, judging the way she plays with the little girl. Watching them, Kyuhyun dips his left hand into his pants pocket, and pulls out a box of Dunhill. Sungmin seems to be surprised, but he doesn't utter a thing.
“Curious?”
“Kinda. When did you start this?”
Kyuhyun isn’t answering. He lights up the cigarette and sucks the toxic air into his lungs, as if he is taking the entire world’s burden with the air. Satisfied, he takes it off his lips and taps his index finger lightly onto the stick, and the ashes drops to the ground. “A few years ago. After our last kiss.”
-
Sungmin loves it when their door is locked. Because no one can see how many times they exchange kisses. To him, kissing Kyuhyun has become a habit that is so hard to let go. It is a nature to kiss Kyuhyun whenever they are alone.
He doesn't remember when the first time he became comfortable with the kiss was. Was it when Kyuhyun kissed him the first time he confessed? He remembers how he backed away after a few minutes though. Or was it when Kyuhyun started the routine to grab him behind a curtain every time they were going on stage and whispered how they both will do well before they kissed? Sungmin just can't remember.
Because Kyuhyun had kissed him so many times, and he never hated it.
“You were such a great magician tonight,” Kyuhyun says as he cuddles Sungmin as soon as he came out from the shower. His wet hair is still dripping water from it, and lands on Sungmin’s freshly worn pyjama. Irritated, he shoves Kyuhyun away and throws a towel at him, telling him to dry his hair and walks to his guitar. He got a show tomorrow, and he thinks that practicing a few songs can get him pass through the talent test (well which reality or talk show in Korea never had that segment). He puts his fingers on the strings, and picks a few of them, following the notes, before he remembers about what Kyuhyun was saying earlier.
“Correction, Mr Cho, I was a magician’s assistant tonight. And I wasn’t that great. I made a mistake.” He picks on another few strings, and an acoustic single version of “Sorry Sorry” comes out. Kyuhyun chuckles and slowly walks towards Sungmin’s bed, hums the same song before put a finger on its frets, messing the notes that Sungmin was practicing. Sungmin glances at his face, wondering what would be the next thing this magnae is going to do, or to say.
“You were such a great magician’s assistant tonight, and I am so proud of you.” He takes the guitar from Sungmin’s hands, and put it aside.
“I know.”
“Then what’s with the face?”
“I made a mistake. Didn't you see that? I almost let the girl fall at the last minutes.”
Kyuhyun must have expect that he is going to be upset over the simplest matter, because the next thing he know, the magnae is doing his best in comforting him. he talks on how the magic trick Sungmin was performing is a complex one, and how everyone was clapping one he was done, because he had done a wonderful job back in the studio that he shouldn’t have the slightest regret in some silly mistakes.
“And you’re lucky, the magician girl was pretty, and you spent three nights with her.” he senses a pinch of jealousy over the magnae’s deep voice vibrating in the words. Sungmin tries to find Kyuhyun’s face, but he turns his head to the other side, pretending as if he is looking at the wall clock tick-tocking, showing how the hour is not that young for tonight. Slowly he feels a wind of relief strikes through him.
Now he remembers, it wasn’t because of him doing a small mistake that upsets him in the first place, it was because Kyuhyun and his fake scandal in the show. He wished for Kyuhyun to look at him in jealousy when he gave the magician a horny look, but all he did was smile and clapped with the female artist next to him smiling. He wished he could run down the stage and tear the smile off the bitch’s face.
“So... you were jealous.”
“I am jealous, bastard.” He can feel Kyuhyun’s cold hands wrapping his waist, and his cold cheek touches his. It is a good feeling to have that coldness lingering around his body. “You should have said so. I was worried you don't love me anymore.”
“I won't stop loving you, and that was a silly thing to be said, hyung.”
Kyuhyun’s cold lips nibbling with his ear, to his jaw line, and his dry lips. Sungmin likes it. only Kyuhyun can do those weird things on him and he likes it.
“Even when I have found my real love?” Kyuhyun stops, and look at him, before he chuckles slowly.
“You are such a magnificent creature, hyung. Your logics never fail to amuse me.”
He laughs innocently, without even trying to understand Kyuhyun’s simple sarcasm. He refuses to, because he likes Kyuhyun. He is sure he doesn't love him. Not the way Kyuhyun loves him, at the very least of probability.
-
As soon as Kyuhyun and his couple left, with a few promises of meeting again (which he believes will never happen) and their numbers exchanged (Sungmin was thinking of giving a fake number but he didn't in the end), his ex-wife arrives with a young man, maybe just around the age of Kyuhyun’s date just now, and calls for Ji Sook.
“Now, now. Be a good girl, and don't make your mom worried okay?” the little girl sniffs, and hugs her dad. Sungmin chuckles, and wraps his arms around her a bit longer, before his ex-wife pulls her softly from his arms. “I want to stay with daddy a little longer, can't I, mommy?”
“Nope. It’s mommy’s turn this week. Come on, we gonna have some fun okay? Thanks for the care Sungmin.” She smiles, and nods a little before she lifts the girl into her arms and walks away. Sungmin nods back and waves goodbye to the girl in her arms. His girl.
He sits back on his chair at the cafe, hands on the table. Kyuhyun’s cigarettes’ ashes are still scattered on it, and its butt is still sticking out from the ashtray. His hands are moving on their own. Slowly, he picks up the cigarette’s butt, and twists it from finger to finger on his right hand. He used to taste the lips that were having it a few minutes ago. He used to have the lips under his chin, sliding and kissing down to the crooks on his neck, to his chest, and all over his body. His skin used to be so familiar with those lips.
They must have kissed. She must have had the same taste as I did. The taste, the feeling, they were used to be mine
-
The kiss ends when the letter ‘G’ that is arranged on the top of the elevator’s door along with other numbers lights up. Kyuhyun’s breathing is still lingering around his neck, and his nose is still dipping in his collarbone. The door opens, but no one is waiting to get in, or getting out, so it closes again.
I don't want this to end
“We have to stop this.”
“I know. But it’s not easy to let you go.” Kyuhyun pushes him to the wall, and the lips are warming his shivering ones. His left hand is pressing the ‘Lock’ button, so that the elevator won't stop at any level. Sungmin can feel Kyuhyun’s hands are creeping inside his coat.
I want to stay with you forever
“You have to. I told you I’m getting married.” He shoves Kyuhyun away, and pulls his luggage to the door when he sees the numbers lights up from one again. He sighs, and turns to face Kyuhyun.
I want more than a kiss
“You said a kiss. Just a kiss.” Kyuhyun pulls his luggage away from his hands, and grabs his waist, closing the gap between them until Sungmin can see his Adam’s apple moving ups and downs as he swallows just any lumps that he has right now.
“Just a while, just for a while. Be in my arms just for a little while.”
I want to be in here forever
He fists his hands, and roughly hooks his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck. Their lips crush again.
“I wish I knew how to quit you, Lee Sungmin.”
I wish you won't
-
When Heechul and Hankyung sends him a card from France along with an airplane ticket, asking (ordering) him to come and be there for their wedding, Sungmin hides the card from his wife. As if he is afraid that everything about him and Kyuhyun will come out if she found the card. Because to him, Cho Kyuhyun is a past that he never wants to brings up in front of his woman.
“France? For what?”
“Uh - business. You know how dad is. He wants me to have the company sooner or later - not that I hate it - so you have to know that I won't be home for once in a while.” He thinks it is a good thing he was an actor once, because he knows how to control his voice and expressions and movements and everything that he usually won't give a damn about controlling if he is not lying. He is pretty good with lying nowadays, he has to admit it.
“So you will be there for around a week?”
“Why? You want to come along?” he turns and stops packing. His wife looks at him with an interested face. “Can I?”
I wish you didn't ask
“Well after the business I’m free for a few days so maybe we can have a second honeymoon or something?”
“I want to kiss you in front of Notre Dame~!!”
He used to said that to me once
Sungmin chuckles. “But only come after a week, okay? I don't want you to be bored and wait for me like an idiot there. And call me once you’ve bought the ticket, so that I can arrange my schedule better.” He leans and kisses his wife. His woman is beautiful and nice. It was the right thing to do to follow his dad’s request and marry the girl of his friend. Even it was for business in the first place. Sungmin can't help but to love her.
Because it feels right to love a woman
He is sure that Kyuhyun was just a proof of a confused him in the past. And he needs to move on.
I need to bring down the house
-
“Hyung, he’s wearing a tiara.” Donghae suddenly bursts into the room where they are preparing Hankyung for the vowing ceremony. Everyone’s jaws are dropping.
“Yeah, I know. That’s better than what he was whining to wear before deciding this.” Hankyung sighs as Sungmin repairs his bow. Ryeowook is fixing the tall man’s full of gel hair, and Hyukjae is rolling the roller; taking off every dust that sticks to the black tuxedo.
“What was it, hyung?” impatiently, Ryeowook asks ahead of him. Hankyung sighs once again, and Sungmin pats his shoulder.
“Well, a wedding dress. With long silky skirt at the back and almost nothing at the front.” And Sungmin almost fall on his knees, laughing his ass off together with Hyukjae. Ryeowook, as usual, covers his mouth and delicately chuckles.
“I know what you guys are talking about, bastards!” they can hear Heechul’s usual threatening voice coming from the room next door, along with his whining on how the tiara is not the one he was asking before.
“The one you asked was too luxuriant, Heechul. I asked them to change it. Not their fault.” Hankyung yells, loudly but gently (he doesn't know how to interprets Hankyung’s voice) that everybody in the room suddenly turns mute. “What? Why?”
“Just what kind of tiara he was asking then, hyung?”
“The one that looked like Queen Elizabeth’s.”
Donghae and Hyukjae almost faints from laughing too much, and Ryeowook runs out from the room, calling out Yesung’s name to come so that he can hide inside his coat and laugh. Sungmin is on the floor, leaning against his hands backward and looks up at the ceiling. He is laughing like crazy. It has been so long since the last time they were laughing like there will be no tomorrow.
“What’s the matter hyung?” Yesung peeks inside. Sungmin lifts his head until it turns backward and sees Ryeowook is hiding his head inside the other man’s coat, laughing, hands holding each other. Obviously they are in love. He smiles.
Maybe we could be like that
“You know, Heechul hyung is almost finished, and if he gets here before you are done, this will be your funeral hyung.” Kyuhyun’s head sticks out from Yesung’s back, skimming every person in the room, before he stops at Sungmin. Then he nods, and smiles. Sungmin too.
-
Heechul gives his radiant smile once the vows are exchanged. Sungmin realize that. Of course he is able to smile like that, he is married to the man he loves all his might.
He looks around, and he sees Hyukjae is talking to a woman who seems to adore him when Donghae comes and pulls him away, forcing him to nods and apologize to the lady before clumsily putting his glass of wine onto a nearest table he can reach. Donghae means jealousy; everyone knows that. When he walks near to the white curtains that cover the tents, he can see Youngwoon kissing Jungsu playfully once he makes sure no one is watching them on the other side of the tent.
“You look chubby, hyung. And healthy.” Kyuhyun is standing next to him, chewing the parfait that he grabbed from Henry’s plate earlier. Sungmin puts his head down, and chuckles. “I have a wife now, and she cooks. That’s why.”
And I remember what a bad cook you were
Kyuhyun doesn't reply. He smiles and looks at Sungmin’s eyes, just like he used to before. “Your eyes are still as beautiful as they were used to be, hyung.”
Only when I am with you
“I wish I can see your eyes every day like before.”
I wish you were my left eye
“Life is cruel, don't you think so, hyung?”
Yes, because it is never fair
-
The party ends, and the groom and groom leaves the restaurant, the couples goes back to hotels hands in hands, the manly men goes to search for other pubs to stay until morning. And in the end, Sungmin is left alone when Hyukjae apologized for not accompanying him to the hotel. Snickering, he walks by himself, and passes a magnificent old building.
Notre Dame
“Can I do it?” a pair of arms wraps him from behind, and Sungmin almost jumps. He can feel Kyuhyun’s breath lingering on the back of his neck as he dips his nose deeper.
“Do what?”
I thought you won't remember
“Kiss you. I promised you before, didn't I?”
“You’re drunk. Let’s get a taxi.”
Kyuhyun nuzzles his neck even deeper, and let out a lovely hum.
“We ended all these when we headed out from the dorm. That was a promise too.”
Screw all the promises. Turn and kiss me
Kyuhyun ignores his words, and holds his shoulders. Sungmin jolts. But he doesn’t want to move away. His mouth is stopping, but his body is allowing.
Kiss me. Because I -
Kyuhyun leans and Sungmin likes the way the heat flows out from his nose and mouth. The breath has a misty form, and he wants to catch it, put it in a bottle, and kiss it whenever Kyuhyun is on his mind. Pathetic but he doesn't give a damn about it.
Kiss me. Because I -
He can feel the same tenderness on his lips even after a few years. Kyuhyun never kissed him roughly. And whenever he thinks about it, Kyuhyun was gentle with him. he might be harsh and rude with other hyungs, but he got the speciality. he was loved. Too loved by Kyuhyun.
...because I want to bring down the house.
“Hyung, I love you.” But Sungmin backs away.
“This is the last time.”
“But I want to see you again.”
“The next time we meet again, we never had anything between us. We were just a band mate to each other.”
“I don't want that.”
“Then don't come in front of me anymore.”
Because I don't want to fall deeper
-
Sungmin sighs for the umpteenth time. He wants to regret about everything in his life, but he just can't. Because that will never brings his family back together. And his good old times with Super Junior will always remains a sweet unforgettable memory. Because regretting will never make him a winner, and a winner has always been in his blood.
And it won't bring back Cho Kyuhyun next to me
He glances at his phone screen. Kyuhyun number is still on it, waiting for him to click on the ‘Save’ button since forever. Sungmin chuckles, but he actually feels like crying. He’s a businessman now. He is a director of a mega company. He is not too old, he is what people would call ‘a ripening fruit’. He can have everything that he wants, but everything that he needs is far from his grips.
He hates it that whenever he thinks of something, Kyuhyun will always be related to it. Everytime. In every possible link. Kyuhyun when he was preparing breakfast for himself, Kyuhyun when he was showering, Kyuhyun when he saw his employee playing games in the office.
Kyuhyun when he was celebrating his birthday alone earlier this year.
He was the one who told Kyuhyun to go away. he hurt the younger man in every possible way a man can be hurt, and Kyuhyun received them in every possible way a normal man can receive. He never knew to hurt someone is hurt. To deny his own feeling is hurt.
He calls the number that is still not being saved inside his phonebook.
I know he got a new person right now
“Hello? Is this you?”
And I know I will be rejected
“Hyung? I thought you won't be calling.” Kyuhyun let out a small laugh, but then his voice turns weak. “This is not a prank, right? I had enough of them for years.”
But I need to say this, at least once
“Kyuhyun, I know it now. I’m always in love with you. But my love is always measured.”
Silence. No answer from the other line. Sungmin holds his breath.
“They come in degrees.”
“Really? how’s that?”
“When I first saw you, I fell for your voice.” Kyuhyun chuckles, and Sungmin loves to hear his deep voice like that.
“When I secretly fallen for you, I fell for your tenderness.” Kyuhyun sighs.
“When I knew that you love me too, I fell for your invisible jealousy.” Kyuhyun hums, and only God knows what that means.
“When we were together, I fell for your talents and all of your goodness.” Kyuhyun thanks him, and he says “you’re welcome.”
“When we were separating, I only recalled your bad qualities, so that I can hate you sooner. And forget you.” Kyuhyun chokes on his own breath, and Sungmin laughs.
“But then was when I realized, that I only fall in love with you more. Because your bad qualities were only for me to know and for me to see. Because I can't hate you.” Silence.
“And today, today was the worst. I think I am now three-quarter in love with you.” Still silence. But Sungmin caught some heavy breathing earlier. Maybe Kyuhyun is doing something. Maybe he isn’t even taking this seriously, but Sungmin just wants to tell him all this. Once and for all.
“I am three-quarter in love with you, that I think the next time we meet again, I can't hold myself back from wanting to kiss you, and that would be bad for your girlfriend.” Kyuhyun is still not saying anything, so he continues.
“Because if we meet again, I’ll fall completely for you.”
Click. The call ends, just like that. Sungmin looks at his phone, and smiles. Now Kyuhyun despises him. Kyuhyun hates him. He deserves that. Karma. You played people’s heart, they’ll get back at you.
I want to cry
He turns and picks up his briefcase. Too indulged in playing with his daughter earlier (and meeting Kyuhyun), he forgot that he brings works with him today, and he should be going earlier. So he is turning around and walking out from the cafe, when he sees a panting tall man, hands on his knees, forcing the air to enter his lungs quickly.
“What are you waiting for then? I’m here.”
Sungmin can't move his legs. He wants to, but he can't. So Kyuhyun moves. Pulling his hands, and wraps his smaller built inside his protective arms.
“Fall for me completely.”
I already did
-End-