(no subject)
I've been told a lot that I'm a negative person. I'm very much aware of my negativity, I'm like this for a reason.
My negativity came from being picked on from 4th grade yup until college. I didn't tell anyone other than friends. And its not bad where I was constantly getting picked on everyday. But it was enough to shape my mind around sticking to the negative side of things.
The reason why I stick to the negative is so when somebody tells me something, I try not to get my hopes up. I tend to take things at face value, I don't think about whether or not somebody has said it to me before or whatever. My negativity basically eases the pain when something goes wrong. At the same time, my negativity will make things even better when something goes right, because then I'll realize I worried over nothing, and that I'm okay with what's going on.
On top of this, my negativity also helps keep me from doing stupid shit. [Not all the time, but the majority of the time. I can think of a couple times where I said 'to hell with it' and went ahead and did something stupid.] I'm terrified of doing things I don't normally do. I fear for the worst possible scenario that could happen with the situation. I far that when people find out, that they will judge me harshly and basically never speak to me again.
So yes, I am negative. I'm negative for a reason, I wish I wasn't like this, but I just can't stand being hurt all the time from the rejection and the fall when people say one thing and then don't do it.
Fun stuff huh?