The truth
I'm hiding this behind a cut because I do NOT want every jo blow who comes across my page to read it.
Something's wrong with me.
Really wrong.
I'm sad, all the time. I put on a fake smile so that others won't see how I'm really feeling, but I know that facade is starting to crack. I feel sad and lonely and isolated even when I'm surrounded by people. I am driving people away, one by one, because as much as I want and need them in my life, I'm afraid to let them in, to let them see this mess I'm becoming. I'm ashamed of myself, ashamed of the things I'm feeling. There is no reason for me to feel like this, but still, there it is. I sit and cry, and sometimes I don't know why I'm crying. I haven't really felt like myself since Jacob's been born. Even when I'm with the people I call my closest friends, I don't feel like I'm really involved, and this is NOT me. This is not the person I was two years ago.
I can not shake the feeling that in the end, everyone is going to leave me. I can feel myself clinging to Eric, and to Jacob. I have tried so hard, to think of the positive and to be happy for all the blessings in my life, but it just can't break through this dark cloud that seems to be all around me.
If I cannot get over this on my own, I am seeking help. I can't go through each day on the verge of tears, feeling like a worthless, underserving waste of skin. I am going to get through this.
Something's wrong with me.
Really wrong.
I'm sad, all the time. I put on a fake smile so that others won't see how I'm really feeling, but I know that facade is starting to crack. I feel sad and lonely and isolated even when I'm surrounded by people. I am driving people away, one by one, because as much as I want and need them in my life, I'm afraid to let them in, to let them see this mess I'm becoming. I'm ashamed of myself, ashamed of the things I'm feeling. There is no reason for me to feel like this, but still, there it is. I sit and cry, and sometimes I don't know why I'm crying. I haven't really felt like myself since Jacob's been born. Even when I'm with the people I call my closest friends, I don't feel like I'm really involved, and this is NOT me. This is not the person I was two years ago.
I can not shake the feeling that in the end, everyone is going to leave me. I can feel myself clinging to Eric, and to Jacob. I have tried so hard, to think of the positive and to be happy for all the blessings in my life, but it just can't break through this dark cloud that seems to be all around me.
If I cannot get over this on my own, I am seeking help. I can't go through each day on the verge of tears, feeling like a worthless, underserving waste of skin. I am going to get through this.