dacro
in
axial_tilt
Firefly universe: Lakes and Rivers, Simon/Kaylee, PG Gift for kaydeefalls
Title: Lakes and Rivers
Author: dacro
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Simon/Kaylee
Gift for: kaydeefalls as part of the axial_tilt exchange.
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: It's all Joss, I just like to pretend I own them.
Summary: During a salvage stop, a man from Kaylee's past leads Simon to think critically about their future.
Betas: marginalia and fyre_eyes *hugs* Thanks, girls!
Notes: Well, this was a treat to write, and I hope it's a good fit for you, Kaydee (and hopefully not too schmoopy!)
Happy Equinox!
Lakes and Rivers
Wash spun his chair at the sound of footsteps approaching the bridge, lifting his eyebrows at a rare sight.
"Why Captain, you're smiling!"
"I am."
"Either we have a job, or Simon's shot you up with happy drops."
Mal sank into the co-pilot's chair and gave it a spin. "We have a job," he said with a boyish grin.
"Excellent. Lucrative venture?"
"Here's hopin'. Point her toward Beylix."
Wash's eyebrows disappeared into his pale bangs. "We have a job on the trash moon?" A hand landed over his heart dramatically. "Oh, it's better than I ever imagined!"
"The respect you have for me is staggering," Mal said flatly, shaking his head in mock-disbelief. "Job's a hop skip from there - Aberdeen, but I reckon Kaylee might like a little wander through the ship graveyards - pick up some bits we might be needin'."
Wash cleared his throat dramatically before pressing the intercom switch. "Attention everyone. Pull out your best frocks and matching nose binders. We'll be making a brief, but entertaining trip to Beylix."
A squeal of delight drifted up from the vicinity of the Christmas-light decorated crew door.
~*~
The moon, a giant waste bin for the Core planets, was hot and foul-smelling on a good day. The machine graveyards were more bearable than other areas, but as Jayne watched the crew disembark- rolling up his short sleeves even further- Kaylee looked as if her birthday had come twice. She bounced down the ramp, hair tied up and dirt already streaked over one cheek. She came to a stop in front of Jayne, waving a few papers in the air.
"Now, I made note of everything Serenity'll be needin' sooner than later." She thrust that list at Jayne. "…a thing or two that would be handy to stock if we find any," she said with a grin, tucking it back into her own pocket. "…and a wish list - just in case!" This one was given to Wash who glanced over the items briefly, wearing a 'you'd have more luck convincing Mal to dance naked on Osirus than finding this stuff' expression.
Lake's View was the newest of a chain of rest stations set up near the more popular scavenge areas. It boasted guides for hire, and the new buellium-free fuel that Kaylee had begged Mal to try out, promising a smoother ride and longer life for Serenity's fuel buffers.
Jayne glanced at the strangely bright sign in an ocean of dusty ruins and desert-dry surroundings. "False advertising, if you ask me. There's no lake anywheres on this moon."
A young man wearing dusty coveralls and a giant grin swung up onto the ramp and extended his hand. "Lake's right here. It's little play on words. My name's…"
"Lake Harris!" Kaylee squealed suddenly and jumped into his arms.
Wash's eyebrows disappeared with surprise once more as he watched the man's reaction to Kaylee's interesting greeting.
"Now, look at this," Lake said with an armload of grinning mechanic. "Little Kaywinnit Lee Frye. All grown up."
Jayne and Wash exchanged a glance and mouthed Kaywinnit? in unison.
He put her back down, but she continued the boisterous hug. "What are you doin so far from home?" she asked, taking a closer look at the outlying buildings and fuelling docks.
"This here's my place," he answered with a proud smile, sweeping his hand in a wide gesture at the modest business. "Built it from nothing. I get somewheres in the neighbourhood of twenty to fifty ships a week, all needin' fixing or fuelling. Some need foodstuffs, so I got a little bit of everything. Take in cash and trade." He looked over Serenity's scarred hull. "Firefly class." He lowered his voice and gave her a devilish grin. "Running with smugglers now, Kaylee?"
"On a good day," Simon said under his breath, leaning on the hatch frame.
Kaylee squared her shoulders. "These are good people, Lake - best in the verse - and Serenity's the hardest working girl you ever met. Captain let us stop here for anything we might…"
Lake tilted his head. "No money for new parts?"
She gave a half-shrug. "Well, jobs don't always pay like they're meant to. We get by, same as anyone else not livin' fancy in the core."
"No offence, Kaylee, I know how it is. This is my home."
Mal emerged from the loading bay. "Got company already?"
"Captain, this is Lake Harris - worked alongside my daddy for as far back as I can remember. We grew up together. He taught me all the parts in the J-4, and let me muck with his dust-rider before anyone else would let me near their workin' bits."
"She's got a gift to go with that pretty face," Lake explained with a shrug.
Mal smiled and clapped a hand on Kaylee's shoulder, creating a little cloud of dust. "That she does."
"Oh, Lake, this is Captain Reynolds, Jayne, Zoe, Wash, Inara - she's a registered Companion- and this is Simon," she said, pausing to grin for a brief moment after Simon's name." And I'm sure you'll meet Shepard Book and River later. Everyone, Lake!"
As Mal shook Lake's hand, Inara pulled Kaylee gently by the elbow, moving in close to whisper. "First flame?"
Kaylee's hand covered her mouth to hold back her laughter. "Hardly," she whispered back, "I thought for sure you'd be able to tell he's sly as a three-mooned sky. Always was."
"Well, he's certainly more handsome than most of the scrappers we've met so far," Inara observed, pulling her sliding shawl back over her shoulder.
~*~
"What's the story with Tidy?" Lake asked Zoe, indicating over his shoulder with an oil-stained thumb.
"Simon. Ship's medic. He mostly looks after - the crew. Mal doesn't let him risk his hands too often."
"A real Doctor?"
Jayne coughed. "Real pain in the…"
"Jayne," Zoe warned. "Yeah, he's for real," she said, turning to Lake again." Why, you got someone needs seeing to?"
He looked up with an obvious smile. "Might have. What's his type?"
Zoe stared back at him with wide eyes. "Oh. No, he ain't…"
Lake clicked his tongue in disappointment. "He ain't sly?" He pulled a bolt out of his pocket and sent it, skimming off a severed metal fin. "You sure?" he fished, turning slightly to watch Simon lose his dark vest to the heat of the planet.
"That would explain a few things," Jayne offered with a grunt, throwing a rusty panel aside. "Would you look at this! Five Hodge converters, just lyin' right here!"
Zoe shook her head at the sight. "You're wastin' your time."
"But we need these!" Jayne whined
"Not you," she told him, turning again to Lake. "Kaylee's got her heart set."
"On the Doctor?"
"For earnest," Jayne answered. "Can't say as to why though." He straightened up and spread his arms wide open. From there he moved into an impressive flex. "Got everything she needs right here. I don't know what she's waitin' for."
"Yes, I can hardly resist you myself," Zoe said dryly as Lake stifled a laugh.
Jayne shrugged and gave her a 'it's your loss' tilt of his head.
Lake placed his hands on his hips and squinted in Simon's direction. "I suppose she did see him first. It's only fair. They linked?"
Zoe rolled her eyes. "Listen, time's short, and we got work to do," she said, finality obvious in her clipped tone.
"Don't mean any bother. I'll talk to her myself." Lake said, heading off to Kaylee's section of trash.
Jane dropped the bags, squinting against the sun. "I'm gonna watch this."
"It ain't our business, and you know it," Zoe warned.
Jayne gave a groan of protest, but stayed put, making a big show of lifting the converters into the mule.
~*~
Simon looked up from the pile of barrel pumps, silently cursing the unrelenting sun and his charcoal slacks. Only an hour into their 'visit', and already his back protested his hasty offer to help Kaylee collect parts while River was sleeping off another round of ineffective treatment. He trusted Book to keep watch, but still found himself glancing over at the ship every few minutes, fully expecting to see River appear without warning - skipping, or screaming - seemed lately that it had been a lot more of the latter.
He couldn't deny it any longer. She was getting worse.
He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and instantly brought his thoughts back to the present.
The man who owned the station - Lane, no. Lake - navigated his way over the mountains of metal to where it looked as if Kaylee was trying to talk a desert crow into letting her have the rubber gadget it was sitting on.
He couldn't hear them from where he was, but it didn't matter, no sound was needed.
He watched this stranger do everything with ease that he wished he was able to do: wrap his arms around Kaylee, give her a playful kiss, tuck that bit of stubborn hair behind her ear and out of the way - hold her to his chest, swaying together as she talked on about a world of engine parts.
Make her blush.
Simon rubbed his dirty hands on his pants, not caring about the grease being transferred.
He watched Lake place a parting kiss on her nose and walk back to the station. She waved as he left, and bounced back to her work of pulling up an old pilot's chair. It gave way and she fell into the dust. Laughing.
It didn't matter that she was covered in dirt. There would never be any woman as beautiful in the whole verse. And it didn't matter that he and Kaylee were from opposite ends of everything - they would fit - he knew it without thinking. And he wanted to tell her, to touch her, to…
"Simon?"
He moved automatically at the sound of River's voice. "I thought you were asleep, mei-mei."
Her eyes swept over the ocean of parts. "Everything's broken."
He gently turned her around with a tired sigh. "I know. Let's get you back to the ship."
~*~
After take-off, he found Kaylee in the engine room, holding a cylinder with blue glass parts up to the light. Simon couldn't keep himself from smiling as she talked to it, praising its excellent condition. He coughed to announce his presence. She jumped a little with surprise, but then smiled.
"Well, hello there - Simon." The gadget disappeared behind her back. "I was just havin' a look at…"
"I wanted to - I mean, if you're busy I can…" he stammered, inwardly cursing himself, and wishing there was an easier way to talk to women.
"No!" She yelled suddenly, holding her arms out to stop him.
Simon froze, utterly at a loss for what to do next.
She gave a nervous laugh and took a few steps back. "Well, if you came all the way over here, you must have wanted to say…something, right?" she asked, tossing the part into the colourful hammock.
Simon debated what to do with his hands. He finally decided to place one against the door beam at shoulder-height, and shove the other into his pocket. When he gave a second's thought to what it looked like, he retracted the pocket hand, and placed it instead on his hip. It was no use; everything felt awkward, and he had a sinking feeling he looked as ridiculous as he felt..
"Right. Uh, did you have - was it good to see your friend again?" he asked, still cursing his vocabulary and common sense for deserting him.
"Oh, Lake?" The smile returned. "Shiny, although he started acting kinda strange just before we left."
Simon straightened up. "Strange? How?"
Kaylee shrugged one shoulder. "Just kept askin' if I was satisfied with my life, but that wasn't the strange part. He's always been sweet as a peach to me, but the way he kept on, well it kinda made me wonder if I really was - happy. Do you ever wonder that?
Simon nodded. "Yes, and are you?" he asked bluntly, but paled when he saw her wide-eyed expression. "I'm sorry. It's not my place to ask."
He suddenly lost what little confidence he'd arrived with, and decided a retreat would be the best course of action. It had always worked before.
"Simon, don't go. Please."
Her fingers were wrapped around his. He stared at their hands as if he were witnessing some impossible event.
She smiled lopsidedly. "I was askin' about you - before."
His eyes closed momentarily and he wished there had been more advancements in time travel. He would have gladly given up anything for the ability to go back and re-start the conversation. Kaylee's voice brought him back to the present.
"But do you really wonder if I'm happy?"
"Yes," he said before his brain could stop him. He ran his thumb slowly over the back of her hand. The skin there was as soft as his own.
"Lake asked me to stay, work for him, but I said no. I told him I already have a home - people I love." She said the last few words in a near-whisper.
When Simon finally pulled his eyes back up to hers, he noticed the way her shallow breathing played with the little piece of hair hanging down by her mouth.
"Serenity…" she continued, taking a step forward. "…and the people who live on her - that's what makes me happy."
His own breathing changed, and somehow his hand had moved from the door to the back of her neck, and he was leaning in.
Her eyes closed, and she held her breath as he advanced.
He was so close. He could feel the warmth from her skin, and loved the slide of her hair through his fingers, but something was restraining him, keeping him from closing the distance.
"Kaylee, I want, more than anything, I want…" he babbled, not able to find the words he was searching for.
An image of River's face, twisted up in pain, suddenly flashed to the front of his mind, and he stepped back as if burned.
Kaylee's panicked gaze searched his face. "Simon?"
He swore under his breath and kicked the wall in frustration.
"Simon?"
He spun back and firmly grabbed her shoulders. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you Kaylee, because I do - believe me. But it's not fair to ask you to wait, because you're talented, beautiful, and any man is a fool for not sweeping you away."
The worry on her face melted into bemusement. "Beautiful? The sun melted that brain of yours, I'm thinkin'."
He smoothed a hand over her hair. "You truly are, but I…"
A look of understanding settled behind her eyes. She took a long, slow breath. "It's River, right?"
He sighed and nodded. "I wish I knew the extent of… I don't know how to help her."
"Shh, you'll find a way. Ain't nobody smarter, and don’t no one love her the way you do."
He kissed her cheek, and then rested his forehead against hers. "Thank you."
Kaylee slipped her arms around him in a loose hug. "Doesn't mean I don't wish things weren't different, but this is good too."
For that one perfect moment Simon realised he'd nearly gotten his wish. He had Kaylee in his arms, and yet they both knew River held a higher place in his heart. As long as she needed him, as long as there was a chance of recovery, he couldn't stop, not even for Kaylee.
Not even for himself.
"Kay-lee!" Mal's sing-songy call echoed down the corridor and hit them both like a bucket of ice water.
She jumped back from Simon and frantically reached for the blue glass gadget out of the hammock again.
Simon backed up until the door beam was pressing into his shoulder blades, but he couldn't force himself to exit altogether.
"Have you seen… Oh, never mind," Mal said as he caught sight of Simon inside the doorway. "Just who I was lookin' for."
"Me?" Simon asked, straightening up.
"River's doing that thing with the food cans again. No harm done, but I'd appreciate you keepin' a closer eye."
"She's… Yes. Sorry, I'll take care of it." He gave them both an awkward nod before running down the corridor, serenaded by Wash's voice was breaking over the intercom once more.
"All right, everyone - there's a pretty planet getting bigger in my window. If all goes well, we'll be walking on it in fifteen minutes."
Simon rounded the stairs, taking them two at a time as he tried to imagine what danger Mal was leading his crew toward on the next job. Whatever it was, Simon would patch them up when they came back a little worse for the wear - as always.
His talents were being wasted, and he often wondered if his intelligence wasn't suffering as well from being away from his other life, but it was a small price to pay for keeping River hidden, keeping her protected.
Simon pushed thoughts of the planet aside as he entered the kitchen. River stood in front of a tower of food cans without labels, prodding one finger at her reflection in the corrugated metal. He praised her work, walked her back to her room, and then returned to the kitchen to deal with the cans - attempting to put everything right again.
He spared a moment to remember how Kaylee had felt under his fingers - the smell of her that was somewhere between engine grease and soap.
Even with the clatter of the crew preparing for landing, Simon could only hear the comforting hum of the ship Kaylee loved.
He smiled and shook something that sounded like stewed tomatoes.
~*~
Author: dacro
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Simon/Kaylee
Gift for: kaydeefalls as part of the axial_tilt exchange.
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: It's all Joss, I just like to pretend I own them.
Summary: During a salvage stop, a man from Kaylee's past leads Simon to think critically about their future.
Betas: marginalia and fyre_eyes *hugs* Thanks, girls!
Notes: Well, this was a treat to write, and I hope it's a good fit for you, Kaydee (and hopefully not too schmoopy!)
Happy Equinox!
Lakes and Rivers
Wash spun his chair at the sound of footsteps approaching the bridge, lifting his eyebrows at a rare sight.
"Why Captain, you're smiling!"
"I am."
"Either we have a job, or Simon's shot you up with happy drops."
Mal sank into the co-pilot's chair and gave it a spin. "We have a job," he said with a boyish grin.
"Excellent. Lucrative venture?"
"Here's hopin'. Point her toward Beylix."
Wash's eyebrows disappeared into his pale bangs. "We have a job on the trash moon?" A hand landed over his heart dramatically. "Oh, it's better than I ever imagined!"
"The respect you have for me is staggering," Mal said flatly, shaking his head in mock-disbelief. "Job's a hop skip from there - Aberdeen, but I reckon Kaylee might like a little wander through the ship graveyards - pick up some bits we might be needin'."
Wash cleared his throat dramatically before pressing the intercom switch. "Attention everyone. Pull out your best frocks and matching nose binders. We'll be making a brief, but entertaining trip to Beylix."
A squeal of delight drifted up from the vicinity of the Christmas-light decorated crew door.
~*~
The moon, a giant waste bin for the Core planets, was hot and foul-smelling on a good day. The machine graveyards were more bearable than other areas, but as Jayne watched the crew disembark- rolling up his short sleeves even further- Kaylee looked as if her birthday had come twice. She bounced down the ramp, hair tied up and dirt already streaked over one cheek. She came to a stop in front of Jayne, waving a few papers in the air.
"Now, I made note of everything Serenity'll be needin' sooner than later." She thrust that list at Jayne. "…a thing or two that would be handy to stock if we find any," she said with a grin, tucking it back into her own pocket. "…and a wish list - just in case!" This one was given to Wash who glanced over the items briefly, wearing a 'you'd have more luck convincing Mal to dance naked on Osirus than finding this stuff' expression.
Lake's View was the newest of a chain of rest stations set up near the more popular scavenge areas. It boasted guides for hire, and the new buellium-free fuel that Kaylee had begged Mal to try out, promising a smoother ride and longer life for Serenity's fuel buffers.
Jayne glanced at the strangely bright sign in an ocean of dusty ruins and desert-dry surroundings. "False advertising, if you ask me. There's no lake anywheres on this moon."
A young man wearing dusty coveralls and a giant grin swung up onto the ramp and extended his hand. "Lake's right here. It's little play on words. My name's…"
"Lake Harris!" Kaylee squealed suddenly and jumped into his arms.
Wash's eyebrows disappeared with surprise once more as he watched the man's reaction to Kaylee's interesting greeting.
"Now, look at this," Lake said with an armload of grinning mechanic. "Little Kaywinnit Lee Frye. All grown up."
Jayne and Wash exchanged a glance and mouthed Kaywinnit? in unison.
He put her back down, but she continued the boisterous hug. "What are you doin so far from home?" she asked, taking a closer look at the outlying buildings and fuelling docks.
"This here's my place," he answered with a proud smile, sweeping his hand in a wide gesture at the modest business. "Built it from nothing. I get somewheres in the neighbourhood of twenty to fifty ships a week, all needin' fixing or fuelling. Some need foodstuffs, so I got a little bit of everything. Take in cash and trade." He looked over Serenity's scarred hull. "Firefly class." He lowered his voice and gave her a devilish grin. "Running with smugglers now, Kaylee?"
"On a good day," Simon said under his breath, leaning on the hatch frame.
Kaylee squared her shoulders. "These are good people, Lake - best in the verse - and Serenity's the hardest working girl you ever met. Captain let us stop here for anything we might…"
Lake tilted his head. "No money for new parts?"
She gave a half-shrug. "Well, jobs don't always pay like they're meant to. We get by, same as anyone else not livin' fancy in the core."
"No offence, Kaylee, I know how it is. This is my home."
Mal emerged from the loading bay. "Got company already?"
"Captain, this is Lake Harris - worked alongside my daddy for as far back as I can remember. We grew up together. He taught me all the parts in the J-4, and let me muck with his dust-rider before anyone else would let me near their workin' bits."
"She's got a gift to go with that pretty face," Lake explained with a shrug.
Mal smiled and clapped a hand on Kaylee's shoulder, creating a little cloud of dust. "That she does."
"Oh, Lake, this is Captain Reynolds, Jayne, Zoe, Wash, Inara - she's a registered Companion- and this is Simon," she said, pausing to grin for a brief moment after Simon's name." And I'm sure you'll meet Shepard Book and River later. Everyone, Lake!"
As Mal shook Lake's hand, Inara pulled Kaylee gently by the elbow, moving in close to whisper. "First flame?"
Kaylee's hand covered her mouth to hold back her laughter. "Hardly," she whispered back, "I thought for sure you'd be able to tell he's sly as a three-mooned sky. Always was."
"Well, he's certainly more handsome than most of the scrappers we've met so far," Inara observed, pulling her sliding shawl back over her shoulder.
~*~
"What's the story with Tidy?" Lake asked Zoe, indicating over his shoulder with an oil-stained thumb.
"Simon. Ship's medic. He mostly looks after - the crew. Mal doesn't let him risk his hands too often."
"A real Doctor?"
Jayne coughed. "Real pain in the…"
"Jayne," Zoe warned. "Yeah, he's for real," she said, turning to Lake again." Why, you got someone needs seeing to?"
He looked up with an obvious smile. "Might have. What's his type?"
Zoe stared back at him with wide eyes. "Oh. No, he ain't…"
Lake clicked his tongue in disappointment. "He ain't sly?" He pulled a bolt out of his pocket and sent it, skimming off a severed metal fin. "You sure?" he fished, turning slightly to watch Simon lose his dark vest to the heat of the planet.
"That would explain a few things," Jayne offered with a grunt, throwing a rusty panel aside. "Would you look at this! Five Hodge converters, just lyin' right here!"
Zoe shook her head at the sight. "You're wastin' your time."
"But we need these!" Jayne whined
"Not you," she told him, turning again to Lake. "Kaylee's got her heart set."
"On the Doctor?"
"For earnest," Jayne answered. "Can't say as to why though." He straightened up and spread his arms wide open. From there he moved into an impressive flex. "Got everything she needs right here. I don't know what she's waitin' for."
"Yes, I can hardly resist you myself," Zoe said dryly as Lake stifled a laugh.
Jayne shrugged and gave her a 'it's your loss' tilt of his head.
Lake placed his hands on his hips and squinted in Simon's direction. "I suppose she did see him first. It's only fair. They linked?"
Zoe rolled her eyes. "Listen, time's short, and we got work to do," she said, finality obvious in her clipped tone.
"Don't mean any bother. I'll talk to her myself." Lake said, heading off to Kaylee's section of trash.
Jane dropped the bags, squinting against the sun. "I'm gonna watch this."
"It ain't our business, and you know it," Zoe warned.
Jayne gave a groan of protest, but stayed put, making a big show of lifting the converters into the mule.
~*~
Simon looked up from the pile of barrel pumps, silently cursing the unrelenting sun and his charcoal slacks. Only an hour into their 'visit', and already his back protested his hasty offer to help Kaylee collect parts while River was sleeping off another round of ineffective treatment. He trusted Book to keep watch, but still found himself glancing over at the ship every few minutes, fully expecting to see River appear without warning - skipping, or screaming - seemed lately that it had been a lot more of the latter.
He couldn't deny it any longer. She was getting worse.
He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and instantly brought his thoughts back to the present.
The man who owned the station - Lane, no. Lake - navigated his way over the mountains of metal to where it looked as if Kaylee was trying to talk a desert crow into letting her have the rubber gadget it was sitting on.
He couldn't hear them from where he was, but it didn't matter, no sound was needed.
He watched this stranger do everything with ease that he wished he was able to do: wrap his arms around Kaylee, give her a playful kiss, tuck that bit of stubborn hair behind her ear and out of the way - hold her to his chest, swaying together as she talked on about a world of engine parts.
Make her blush.
Simon rubbed his dirty hands on his pants, not caring about the grease being transferred.
He watched Lake place a parting kiss on her nose and walk back to the station. She waved as he left, and bounced back to her work of pulling up an old pilot's chair. It gave way and she fell into the dust. Laughing.
It didn't matter that she was covered in dirt. There would never be any woman as beautiful in the whole verse. And it didn't matter that he and Kaylee were from opposite ends of everything - they would fit - he knew it without thinking. And he wanted to tell her, to touch her, to…
"Simon?"
He moved automatically at the sound of River's voice. "I thought you were asleep, mei-mei."
Her eyes swept over the ocean of parts. "Everything's broken."
He gently turned her around with a tired sigh. "I know. Let's get you back to the ship."
~*~
After take-off, he found Kaylee in the engine room, holding a cylinder with blue glass parts up to the light. Simon couldn't keep himself from smiling as she talked to it, praising its excellent condition. He coughed to announce his presence. She jumped a little with surprise, but then smiled.
"Well, hello there - Simon." The gadget disappeared behind her back. "I was just havin' a look at…"
"I wanted to - I mean, if you're busy I can…" he stammered, inwardly cursing himself, and wishing there was an easier way to talk to women.
"No!" She yelled suddenly, holding her arms out to stop him.
Simon froze, utterly at a loss for what to do next.
She gave a nervous laugh and took a few steps back. "Well, if you came all the way over here, you must have wanted to say…something, right?" she asked, tossing the part into the colourful hammock.
Simon debated what to do with his hands. He finally decided to place one against the door beam at shoulder-height, and shove the other into his pocket. When he gave a second's thought to what it looked like, he retracted the pocket hand, and placed it instead on his hip. It was no use; everything felt awkward, and he had a sinking feeling he looked as ridiculous as he felt..
"Right. Uh, did you have - was it good to see your friend again?" he asked, still cursing his vocabulary and common sense for deserting him.
"Oh, Lake?" The smile returned. "Shiny, although he started acting kinda strange just before we left."
Simon straightened up. "Strange? How?"
Kaylee shrugged one shoulder. "Just kept askin' if I was satisfied with my life, but that wasn't the strange part. He's always been sweet as a peach to me, but the way he kept on, well it kinda made me wonder if I really was - happy. Do you ever wonder that?
Simon nodded. "Yes, and are you?" he asked bluntly, but paled when he saw her wide-eyed expression. "I'm sorry. It's not my place to ask."
He suddenly lost what little confidence he'd arrived with, and decided a retreat would be the best course of action. It had always worked before.
"Simon, don't go. Please."
Her fingers were wrapped around his. He stared at their hands as if he were witnessing some impossible event.
She smiled lopsidedly. "I was askin' about you - before."
His eyes closed momentarily and he wished there had been more advancements in time travel. He would have gladly given up anything for the ability to go back and re-start the conversation. Kaylee's voice brought him back to the present.
"But do you really wonder if I'm happy?"
"Yes," he said before his brain could stop him. He ran his thumb slowly over the back of her hand. The skin there was as soft as his own.
"Lake asked me to stay, work for him, but I said no. I told him I already have a home - people I love." She said the last few words in a near-whisper.
When Simon finally pulled his eyes back up to hers, he noticed the way her shallow breathing played with the little piece of hair hanging down by her mouth.
"Serenity…" she continued, taking a step forward. "…and the people who live on her - that's what makes me happy."
His own breathing changed, and somehow his hand had moved from the door to the back of her neck, and he was leaning in.
Her eyes closed, and she held her breath as he advanced.
He was so close. He could feel the warmth from her skin, and loved the slide of her hair through his fingers, but something was restraining him, keeping him from closing the distance.
"Kaylee, I want, more than anything, I want…" he babbled, not able to find the words he was searching for.
An image of River's face, twisted up in pain, suddenly flashed to the front of his mind, and he stepped back as if burned.
Kaylee's panicked gaze searched his face. "Simon?"
He swore under his breath and kicked the wall in frustration.
"Simon?"
He spun back and firmly grabbed her shoulders. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you Kaylee, because I do - believe me. But it's not fair to ask you to wait, because you're talented, beautiful, and any man is a fool for not sweeping you away."
The worry on her face melted into bemusement. "Beautiful? The sun melted that brain of yours, I'm thinkin'."
He smoothed a hand over her hair. "You truly are, but I…"
A look of understanding settled behind her eyes. She took a long, slow breath. "It's River, right?"
He sighed and nodded. "I wish I knew the extent of… I don't know how to help her."
"Shh, you'll find a way. Ain't nobody smarter, and don’t no one love her the way you do."
He kissed her cheek, and then rested his forehead against hers. "Thank you."
Kaylee slipped her arms around him in a loose hug. "Doesn't mean I don't wish things weren't different, but this is good too."
For that one perfect moment Simon realised he'd nearly gotten his wish. He had Kaylee in his arms, and yet they both knew River held a higher place in his heart. As long as she needed him, as long as there was a chance of recovery, he couldn't stop, not even for Kaylee.
Not even for himself.
"Kay-lee!" Mal's sing-songy call echoed down the corridor and hit them both like a bucket of ice water.
She jumped back from Simon and frantically reached for the blue glass gadget out of the hammock again.
Simon backed up until the door beam was pressing into his shoulder blades, but he couldn't force himself to exit altogether.
"Have you seen… Oh, never mind," Mal said as he caught sight of Simon inside the doorway. "Just who I was lookin' for."
"Me?" Simon asked, straightening up.
"River's doing that thing with the food cans again. No harm done, but I'd appreciate you keepin' a closer eye."
"She's… Yes. Sorry, I'll take care of it." He gave them both an awkward nod before running down the corridor, serenaded by Wash's voice was breaking over the intercom once more.
"All right, everyone - there's a pretty planet getting bigger in my window. If all goes well, we'll be walking on it in fifteen minutes."
Simon rounded the stairs, taking them two at a time as he tried to imagine what danger Mal was leading his crew toward on the next job. Whatever it was, Simon would patch them up when they came back a little worse for the wear - as always.
His talents were being wasted, and he often wondered if his intelligence wasn't suffering as well from being away from his other life, but it was a small price to pay for keeping River hidden, keeping her protected.
Simon pushed thoughts of the planet aside as he entered the kitchen. River stood in front of a tower of food cans without labels, prodding one finger at her reflection in the corrugated metal. He praised her work, walked her back to her room, and then returned to the kitchen to deal with the cans - attempting to put everything right again.
He spared a moment to remember how Kaylee had felt under his fingers - the smell of her that was somewhere between engine grease and soap.
Even with the clatter of the crew preparing for landing, Simon could only hear the comforting hum of the ship Kaylee loved.
He smiled and shook something that sounded like stewed tomatoes.
~*~