The Silence - Fic
Amy kicked her legs underneath her seat. Rory had left, the doctor was worried about her, about the universe. She didn’t see it, it was fine. She was fine and she wanted to go home and see her aunt. Except Rory had to go and tell the doctor that he had never met her aunt before. It wasn’t her fault that her aunt only existed sometimes. It wasn’t her fault that some days her aunt and her house terrified her, that people were strange. She knew one thing and she knew it with a certainty that was epic. It was that she needed the doctor. It meant she would need to do anything to keep him with her, to keep the quiet and the whispers from reaching her. He would help her bring silence. He would and he wouldn’t even realize it.
She grabbed the white paste and sparkles and continued to work on her image of the universe. She grinned a secretive smile at the image of the doctor with a manic grin on her page. The TARDIS was fantastic, all she had to do was think of what she needed and it was there. See, a pot of grey paint. Amy hummed lightly and ignored the tingle that told her the doctor was looking down at her from the catwalk above the room she chose to do her crafts in.
He was phoning somebody now, apparently a Sarah Jane who he trusted. Amy looked straight ahead and saw an image in her mind’s eye. She drew what she imagined this Sarah Jane to be like laughing at the clothing she chose wondering how she could think anyone would wear a full salmon skirt suit with a clear raincoat and white ankle high go-go boots. She shoved the picture away and tried again and got an older, beautiful woman it was right. She left it there and stood up and lifted it to show the Doctor. He told her it was very nice and it would be absolutely brilliant if she could find her right way round the bend and be Amelia Pond again. Amy laughed and sat back in her chair. Amelia or Amy, she was always herself. Silly Doctor.
She fell asleep amongst her art, her face and hair covered in sparkles and blotches of paint. She knew the Doctor lifted her and brought her back to her room for the night. That after tucking her in he took in her room and the artwork and knew she had been working on some of it since the moment she first got on board. He patted her hair away from her brow and apologised. Something about leading on little girls Amy wasn’t sure and didn’t care. She could hear his footsteps walking away. She sat up in her bed and turned her head carefully looking out the corner of her eye at the crack on her bedroom wall in the TARDIS, at the drawings over top it like a poorly constructed bandage holding back the faint noises on the other side. She listened to the hum of the machine she was travelling in protesting the crack penetrating it. She listened and knew she would get the help she needed soon.
Sarah Jane came onboard perhaps a month after the phone call. She mentioned her son being away at college, and that the Doctor would need to have her back before Luke would be coming home for break. She had apparently set everything else up so her bills would just be paid in her absence. Some boy named Clyde or Clive would be watching her house for her. Amy walked up to Sarah Jane head tilted in a way that allowed her to use her peripheral vision. Sarah Jane saw Amy and turned to the doctor before asking in a quiet soothing voice, “Oh what have you done.” The Doctor shrugged and said some unimportant nonsense. Sarah Jane said some unimportant things back and the two seemed to eventually reach some kind of agreement. Sarah Jane was good at knowing him and his changes, her mind told her that Sarah could recognize a new person in the old person in the person she used to know. Amy laughed at the rambling thoughts in her head and Sarah Jane walked over and gave her a cautious hug. Amy felt strange, like part of her wanted to be grounded once more to quip with the Doctor and travel the universe and not be attracted to him. The rest of her just wanted to cry and roll up into a ball in Sarah Jane’s arms and call her ‘mommy’.
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Amy was comforted for Sarah Jane for what felt like hours, told stories of the universe of separating from him and finding her own way. About how there was so much life and fun to be had even on Earth when your travels finish. Amy tried to listen, to hear the words but she knew she would have to go to bed soon. The crack was glowing, she didn’t want to go to bed tonight. She knew she would hear it all and it wouldn’t stop talking. Maybe, it would tell her nice stories of Sarah Jane, it could be her Aunt coming to visit. It didn’t have to be the darkness and screams and unravelling sounds.
She feared the night she would go to bed and stop existence.
She meant she feared, going to sleep and being lost like those soldiers forgotten, that she wouldn’t exist, she had to tell herself that. Not existence….
The next day Sarah Jane suggested adventure and Amy agreed, The Doctor chose a completely harmless planet. Meaning they were running for their lives most of the next day laughing and joking. The Doctor was happy, he liked Amy when she was running. He liked the Amy that wasn’t inside the TARDIS. Amy tried to keep the momentum of her good day. She stayed happy and ‘normal’ a little longer.
Her Aunt had to arrive that evening to wreck everything. Her Aunt was stern. Telling her to stop dreaming, stop her crafts stop all her nonsense and come home. Told her she was a failure and that she would never keep the Doctor still long enough to do her duty. Amy smiled darkly and stuck up her picture of the TARDIS travelling over the crack and watched her aunt glare at the effect it had on her voice. Amy liked her aunt when she was quiet. She pushed her Aunt into the crack, made her stop existing again for a little while and went to bed and slept soundly.
She felt calm and relaxed when she chatted with the Doctor and Sarah Jane the next day. The Doctor wondered about whether she was feeling any attraction to him and she laughed. She asked him who would want to have sex with a strange alien. The Doctor looked over her head to Sarah Jane. They spent the next day dealing with furry creatures she felt determined to call tribbles. She wasn’t a sci-fi fan but Rory had shown her a few things so they could go to conventions together when he was certain she needed to just publish her work and be a famous author.
Sarah Jane was going home before she knew it. She told mommy she would miss her. Sarah Jane cried a little bit. Amy wasn’t sure why. The Doctor and her had a talk about how keeping Amy on the TARDIS would be dangerous.
Oh if she knew how right she was.
Amy shook her head. A few more planets, a few more weeks, another six splits and cracks closed. The Doctor was frayed and Amy massaged his shoulders for a moment before the Doctor was stepping away from her he looked out the corner of his eye at her and stopped. “It follows you.” He said. She nodded, “It’s here.” He said and she nodded. She brought him to the crack in her room wall. He saw it now. He saw it and huffed and puffed but the crack remained, wolves couldn’t blow down the wall. A storm could. She pushed him to it. She walked right up and touched the seam of the crack and he pushed her back as it opened, drawings of the universe and him flying around surrounding him. He stood in front of the noise and he stopped it before even realizing what he had done. What she led him to.
Existence was silenced and Amy closed her eyes one final time wondering at the Universe and Oncoming Storms.