To the boy who managed to grab my eyes
To the boy who managed to grab my eyes, I wonder how will I look in the future from now on
note: here is something from my heart. hi friends. I've been away for a loooong time. And I'm not quite how LJ works now. This is for Cy hun for helping me with this. ♥♥♥
They said that once you start to notice something, you can no longer pretend that you do not see it. That’s what happened. I never saw him coming. I did not even know him. I wasn’t even aware of his existence…until he came to my doorstep one day. He was simply passing by and for a moment, our eyes met. Within two seconds, we turned our gaze away. I never guessed it would become something like this.
My usual day involved with me sitting by the window either watching the children played outside or looking through my mobile phone.
It must be a habit of his to walk down that hallway every day. After all, his room was situated at the end of the corridor, making sense to me that he took that way. On more than one occasion, I found him peering at the window like he’s looking inside. And in one or two incidents, I caught his eyes.
He was a habitual late comer. He seldom attended the morning ceremony and I rarely saw him during those times. He practiced by himself. (I knew because until now he still played alone.) He usually sat on the bench adjacent to the room where I was. (I wouldn’t say he did it on purpose. Perhaps, subconsciously) these things I discovered just by observing him from the window.
There was no beginning. No, it was not even like a loop. There was only the in between... In between breaks, in between practices, in between events.
If I would be honest, I was not aware of his presence because I was fond of another guy. But once I look at him, my eyes were set to gaze at him and only him at that moment. I memorized his profile, his retreating back. I would even recognize him even he was a mile away.
When his presence entered the room, everything around us faded away. I tried my best to stay in touch with the present, with reality. He looked me in eyes (oh how I love to stare at his face) and talked to me. Sometimes, he asked questions and our conversation would become a little longer than I anticipated. He stayed in a few times and I wanted to stop the clock every time.
Sometimes, I pictured the two of us together. I found myself writing about him, for him and to him even if I was not looking for a muse. My paper was full of him. What I could not say, I jotted down for my heart was brimming of affection for him.
Alas, it was confined within those four cream white walls of my glass windowed room.
In one of my universes, he and I get to be together. He’ll be mine and I’ll be his. He gets to hold my hand and I get to hug him without worrying what will people think about us.
In another time, I get to wear his jersey and cheer for him.
In an alternative life, he would be returning back my affections.
But we were in the now. The reality we were in was the now. Where he could be everything, but he would not be mine. All these thoughts and visions were all just in my head. Like scenes in a movie where we were free to love and free to be with each other. All we had were fleeting moments that I gave some meaning to please my heart.
I wouldn’t blame him for what I’m feeling right now. If I would blame someone, it would be me. For if I didn’t imagine those things, assume that there was a meaning in every actions he did, then this hope I had in my chest wouldn’t bloom so deep I wouldn’t even get to try to hate him. How could I hate him when in those moments, I was happy?
I see him now with a new girl. He appears more alive now, inspired even. It’s a refreshing look
I must imagine him looking at my direction, even until now. I shy away from his look. I don’t want him to see me like this.
note: here is something from my heart. hi friends. I've been away for a loooong time. And I'm not quite how LJ works now. This is for Cy hun for helping me with this. ♥♥♥
They said that once you start to notice something, you can no longer pretend that you do not see it. That’s what happened. I never saw him coming. I did not even know him. I wasn’t even aware of his existence…until he came to my doorstep one day. He was simply passing by and for a moment, our eyes met. Within two seconds, we turned our gaze away. I never guessed it would become something like this.
My usual day involved with me sitting by the window either watching the children played outside or looking through my mobile phone.
It must be a habit of his to walk down that hallway every day. After all, his room was situated at the end of the corridor, making sense to me that he took that way. On more than one occasion, I found him peering at the window like he’s looking inside. And in one or two incidents, I caught his eyes.
He was a habitual late comer. He seldom attended the morning ceremony and I rarely saw him during those times. He practiced by himself. (I knew because until now he still played alone.) He usually sat on the bench adjacent to the room where I was. (I wouldn’t say he did it on purpose. Perhaps, subconsciously) these things I discovered just by observing him from the window.
There was no beginning. No, it was not even like a loop. There was only the in between... In between breaks, in between practices, in between events.
If I would be honest, I was not aware of his presence because I was fond of another guy. But once I look at him, my eyes were set to gaze at him and only him at that moment. I memorized his profile, his retreating back. I would even recognize him even he was a mile away.
When his presence entered the room, everything around us faded away. I tried my best to stay in touch with the present, with reality. He looked me in eyes (oh how I love to stare at his face) and talked to me. Sometimes, he asked questions and our conversation would become a little longer than I anticipated. He stayed in a few times and I wanted to stop the clock every time.
Sometimes, I pictured the two of us together. I found myself writing about him, for him and to him even if I was not looking for a muse. My paper was full of him. What I could not say, I jotted down for my heart was brimming of affection for him.
Alas, it was confined within those four cream white walls of my glass windowed room.
In one of my universes, he and I get to be together. He’ll be mine and I’ll be his. He gets to hold my hand and I get to hug him without worrying what will people think about us.
In another time, I get to wear his jersey and cheer for him.
In an alternative life, he would be returning back my affections.
But we were in the now. The reality we were in was the now. Where he could be everything, but he would not be mine. All these thoughts and visions were all just in my head. Like scenes in a movie where we were free to love and free to be with each other. All we had were fleeting moments that I gave some meaning to please my heart.
I wouldn’t blame him for what I’m feeling right now. If I would blame someone, it would be me. For if I didn’t imagine those things, assume that there was a meaning in every actions he did, then this hope I had in my chest wouldn’t bloom so deep I wouldn’t even get to try to hate him. How could I hate him when in those moments, I was happy?
I see him now with a new girl. He appears more alive now, inspired even. It’s a refreshing look
I must imagine him looking at my direction, even until now. I shy away from his look. I don’t want him to see me like this.