changing fate - chapter five
changing fate
chapter five: kiss
Tegoshi smiled.
Ryo held his breath. It was all over; it was now or never. He had to wake Tegoshi from his nightmare, and now, he prayed his voice had stirred some forgotten memories from his friend’s veiled heart.
For one last, brief second, his gaze locked with his friend’s. Neither moved, but both were lost in each other’s eyes. Ryo felt a vague shadow of doubt creeping into his mind, but he cast it away as soon as it came. And in that instant, he leaned across the bed, softly pressing his lips to Tegoshi’s.
Hesitance tainted the seconds that immediately followed. Warped emotions twisted in Tegoshi’s mind as his eyelids drifted closed. In a single second, he commanded himself to push away, to smile, to protest, to relish the ecstasy running through his veins, to cry, to laugh, and to lovingly kiss Ryo back. The conflicting messages puzzled him even further beyond just wondering why this was happening. Why was his heart fluttering out of control? Why hadn’t he yet pulled away? Why was happiness overwhelming all other emotions?
Why was Ryo kissing him?
And just like that, it was like he suddenly snapped back to reality. With an impulsive jerk, Tegoshi drew away so quickly that he tumbled off the bed to the hard wooden floor, scrambling himself to the opposite corner of the room. But even when he finally secured his safer haven, “W-What….” was all he managed to stammer. His breath was heavy, but unbearably shallow in his clenched chest.
“What was that?”
Tegoshi wanted to slap himself for asking such a stupid question, but his mind was too clouded with clashing thoughts to conjure up a better one. Ryo didn’t reply; he had lowered his eyes, his dark bangs obscuring his pained expression.
With those three words, Tegoshi had destroyed his world.
The silence that trailed Tegoshi’s question dropped like heavy weights on the younger boy’s conflicted mind. Guilt stole into his heart. “I-I’m sorry, Ryo… I-I didn’t mean it like that…”
Ryo didn’t react.
Tegoshi felt the gnawing pain return to his chest. What have I done…? he asked himself in horror.
Silence.
Seconds dragged to minutes, which then seemed to drag on for hours, even days. But through the silence, Tegoshi could do nothing. He was rendered powerless, breathless, and soulless, smothered by the stillness.
He closed his eyes, and finally, he decided; he had to end this.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly picked himself up off the ground. Each step he took forward echoed hollowly against the wooden floor. Finally returning to his friend’s bedside, Tegoshi knelt down gently in front of Ryo. At first, he didn’t know what to do, he was scared, scared of how Ryo would react to his presence. Timidly, he lifted his gaze to look up into the older boy’s eyes. But where he expected to see the hardness of anger, he saw soft tears staining red in Ryo’s eyes.
Pain stabbed his heart.
“Ryo…” Tegoshi murmured. His voice cracked as he cried softly, “I don’t understand…” His shoulders shook as tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “I should be the one crying, not you…”
From his position before him, Ryo was forced to look at Tegoshi, whose large eyes brimming with wounded grief only made him feel more wretched inside. It was wrong for Tegoshi to apologize to him. It was wrong of Ryo to make Tegoshi cry. None of this was Tegoshi’s fault. None of this was anyone’s fault, really.
It was fate.
Fate was punishing him. First, by snatching Tegoshi out of his life, then, by bringing him back.
“Please, stop it…” Ryo pleaded in a dry whisper, as if fate was listening.
“St-Stop what?” Tegoshi inquired, sniffling slightly. Ryo turned away from Tegoshi, his eyes stinging with salty tears as he refused to look at the younger boy any longer. He hadn’t meant for Tegoshi to hear his words; the words weren’t meant for Tegoshi to hear. In desperation, his mind twisted in search for a hasty answer.
Suddenly, Ryo scowled, masking his tears. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s unfair.” He didn’t know why the words had stumbled out of his lips. But it was true. He couldn’t stand to see Tegoshi’s eyes staring up at him in such agony.
“Un-Unfair?”
“You don’t realize how much it hurts me to see you like this…” Ryo confessed softly, the harsh scowl immediately dissolving from his countenance. “But I was the one who hurt you in the first place… I was the one who kissed you.” Closing his eyes, Ryo bent down to softly pull Tegoshi into his arms once more. “I’m sorry, Tego.”
Tegoshi closed his eyes also, savoring the feeling of bliss one last time. But as Ryo reluctantly pulled away, Tegoshi knew his bliss had to come to an end. “I’m sorry…” he breathed.