Open Your Heart - Chapter Thirteen
Yuri Chinen skipped happily to the front door, welcoming Yuto Nakajima into the main convening room. “You’re here early, you know,” Yuri giggled.
Yuto smiled, “I guess I was excited, seeing Kei being all cheered up again.”
“So he told you about Ryoko, then?” Yuri guessed.
“Yup, and I’m glad he’s finally finding some happiness working here,” Yuto laughed. “He’s been pretty overwhelmed with all kinds of crazy emotions ever since he got this job.”
“I think we all have,” Yuri joined in his lighthearted laughter.
“Oh look, here he comes now.” Yuto pointed to the upstairs landing behind Yuri, where Kei had just walked past Kota’s door.
Yuto was about to yell out and greet his boyfriend, when suddenly Kota ran out of his room, in an apparent chase after Kei. Confusedly, Yuto watched as Kota reached out and grasped Kei’s hand, abruptly stopping him from walking off.
“Kei, I like you,” Kota whispered, so softly that Yuto and Yuri couldn’t hear. They could do nothing but watch.
Kei’s heart skipped a beat, as he gulped nervously. It can’t be… is he confessing to me? No, there’s no way he actually likes me… not like that.
“I-I like you, too, Young Master,” Kei managed to utter out. “Y-You’ve been really nice to me, so I’m glad that we’re friends…”
No, not that kind of “like”… Kota grimaced as Kei continued blabbering on about how happy he was over their friendship. How can I show you it’s the other kind of “like”? I guess… I guess you leave me no choice…
“…And it’s been very fun getting to know-”
Kei’s rambling was brought to a halt as he suddenly felt Kota’s lips unexpectedly pressed again his own. Th-This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening! Why is this happening?! Kei’s mind cried out desperately. His body was frozen on the spot as his lips gradually melted into the gentle kiss. Closing his eyes, Kei gave in to his own guilty desires and blissfully savored Kota’s lips.
Yuto’s eyes widened as he watched the silent scene unfold before him. Kei… Yuto couldn’t hold his inundating emotions in much longer. He fled, running out the door, with Yuri chasing after him. The door slammed behind her, and the sound of the impact snapped Kei out of his bliss and back into reality.
B-But what about Yuto…? Wh-What am I doing?!
Pushing Kota away hastily, Kei covered his mouth with his hand. “I-I’m sorry… I can’t!” With that, Kei ran downstairs, leaving a dumbstruck Kota behind. As soon as Kei stepped down into the main convening room, Ryoko rushed in from the kitchen.
“I’m sorry I’m late! I got so caught up in helping Miss Mai wash the dishes from dinner, I completely lost track of time!” she panted. “Wait, where’s everyone else?” she asked, looking around to see only Kei in the room.
“I-I don’t know,” Kei answered, still a little shaken. His phone buzzed and he jumped a little at the sudden vibration. Flipping the cover open, Kei read a text from <3 YUTO NAKAJIMA <3. “I can’t make it. Sorry.” Right after he read it, Kei’s phone buzzed again. This time, the same message was sent by Yuri.
“That’s weird… I wonder if something’s happened…” Kei muttered to himself quietly.
“Is there something wrong?” Ryoko questioned warily.
“Well, it’s just that Yuri and my friend both just texted me saying they can’t make it…” Kei answered slowly, perplexity swirling in his mind.
“Aw, that’s too bad…” Ryoko frowned. “I mean, we can still hang out though, right, Keiko?” she smiled hopefully.
“Yeah, s-sure, of course,” Kei nodded slowly, trying unsuccessfully to erase Kota’s confession from his memory, and to push all suspicions about Yuto and Yuri away as well.
~~~
“Yuto, wait up! Yuto!” Yuri Chinen called after the fleeting boy ahead of her. Latching onto Yuto’s shoulder, she drew him back and stared straight into his eyes. “There must be some kind of mistake! Kei would never betray you like that! After all you’ve done for him-”
“Shut up!” Yuto growled, his glare searing with anger. “I’m the one who should be saying that, not you!” Yuto shook Yuri’s grip off his arm in frustration. “I’m the one whose heart has just been smashed into pieces! I’m the one who just saw the boy I love kiss another guy!” Yuto’s voice was marred with both rage and grief.
Yuri whimpered in fear. She had never seen anyone so angry before… and yet, at the same time… so vulnerable.
Yuto could feel tears burning in his eyes as he tried futilely to stop them from flowing. “What have I done wrong?” Yuto muttered bitterly, holding his head in his shaking hands as he sunk down onto the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest. “I’ve tried so hard to support him, to protect him, to love him… What have I done wrong?”
Yuri could feel moisture building up in her own eyes, seeing Yuto so… so broken. Struggling to bite back her tears, Yuri sat down next to Yuto and whispered gently. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Yuto.”
Slowly, Yuto lifted his head up, his eyes glistening with hope, but all too soon, his expression morphed into one of loathing.
“What do you know? Don’t even try to comfort me; you have no idea how.. how worthless I feel right now! You’re not the one who’s just been hurt!” he glowered at her.
“But I have…” Yuri whispered softly. She hesitated and bit her lip, contemplating how to best phrase her next words. “Yuto… seeing you hurt makes me hurt, too.”
Yuto froze, Yuri’s words echoing in his mind. His tears ran freely down his face as he remembered the time when he had said those exact same words to comfort a hurt Kei.
Hearing herself say this, and seeing Yuto in his fragile state, Yuri was unable to stop herself from bursting into tears. “P-Please, d-don’t c-cry,” she stammered between sobs. Summoning the last of her remaining courage, Yuri encircled Yuto in her arms. “P-Please,” she begged.
Yuto was stunned by the sudden warmth of Yuri’s small body pressed gently against his own.
Yuri… Should I go on and pretend I didn’t see?
~~~
Why, why, why?! Why would he say that?! He can’t? What does that mean?! I don’t understand! A whirlwind of frustration and confusion stormed in Kota Yabu’s mind as the water from the faucet above him showered down onto his trembling body. After a long night of unrest, Kota’s body was ready for a meltdown and his mind was so hazy he could hardly think straight as his thoughts started screaming in his brain. Trying to calm himself down, Kota slowly breathed in the heavy, humid air. His soft, pale lips touched mine, and for a second, it even seemed like he was willingly kissing me back… Why did he pull away? He didn’t even say he was rejecting my feelings; instead he apologized and then said he “can’t”… Can’t what? Can’t kiss me? Can’t accept me? Can’t love me?! And why is he even sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry for making me love him? Sorry for not loving me back? Sorry for kissing me?!
What am I supposed to do? Move on? I don’t even know if I can! I can’t even get him off my mind anymore. He’s always there, lingering in my thoughts…
Stupid Kei! How can he toy around with my emotions so relentlessly without even trying? How can he make me into such a mess by just saying those four words?!! Kota screamed in his head, pummeling his fist into the wall in resentment.
A deafening “CRACK!” split through the air. A trail of blood streamed down Kota’s arm, the fractured pieces of the bathroom tiles crashing onto the floor.
Hearing the commotion, Kei rushed hurriedly into the bathroom. His eyes widened with terror as he saw the red water flowing down the drain. Quickly, he turned off the faucet and ran to grab the first aid kit and some towels.
Kota collapsed. No… Not Kei… I don’t want him to see me like this… But Kota couldn’t get himself to move. He simply stared in disbelief at his quivering hand, now stained red with blood.
A panic-stricken Kei ran back into the bathroom, setting down the first aid kit, he quickly wrapped Kota in the bundle of towels, keeping him warm and unexposed.
“Here, let me see the wound,” Kei whispered gently, his voice a soft caress as he gestured to Kota’s injured hand.
Kota shook his head and pulled back. Just go away, Kei! I can do this myself! He yelled in his mind. No sound, however, was able to escape from his lips. Kota was too scared. Scared to see how Kei would treat him after he had practically rejected his confession the day before. Kota just wanted to avoid him, to never see him again… but yet, here he was, the beautiful boy who had robbed him of both his mind and his heart, crouched down right in front of him, with a look of pure concern for him reflected in his eyes. Kota clenched his own eyes shut; he just wanted to erase Kei from his thoughts. Maybe then, the pain Kei had caused his heart would slowly dissolve away…
But I don’t want to forget him…
“Kota…” Kei murmured warmly. “You have to let me help you. Please, just let me see the wound.” His eyes pleaded to Kota, who felt his own eyes being urged open by the tenderness in Kei’s voice.
“Thank you,” Kei smiled when Kota offered him the bloody hand. Studying the injury carefully, Kei concluded, “It doesn’t look like there are any shards stuck in your hand or anything, and you technically have rinsed it off already. But the wound itself is rather deep, so let me wrap it up temporarily, and then I can take you to the hospital to see if you’ll need stitches or any other forms of treatment.” Kei spoke in a constrained and formal voice. He didn’t have the courage to bring up what had happened between the two of them yesterday.
Kota just nodded. He, too, could not find the voice to speak the words buried deep within him.
Kei gently took Kota’s injured hand in his own, and began to wrap it tightly in gauze. Not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to help prevent further bleeding. As layer upon layer slowly covered over his wound, Kota simply gazed admiringly at Kei. His features seemed somehow even more beautiful under the artificial light of his bathroom. Kota couldn’t help but think that Kei’s gentleness and compassion towards him was an act of affection.
~~~
After Kei finished treating Kota’s injury, he sighed in contentment, then lifted his gaze slowly upward from where they had been fixed upon Kota’s hand the entire time he had been caring for it. Kei’s eyes widened as soon as their gazes met, seeing the older boy staring so intently at him, and he quickly looked away.
A single question slipped from Kota’s lips as he firmly held his gaze on Kei.
“Why can’t you like me back?”
Kei was stunned by his directness. I had hoped we could’ve just gone on pretending like that never happened… He bit his lip nervously, realizing it was time for him to tell Kota the truth, about everything. “You don’t know how happy I was when you told me you returned my feelings for you.” Kei began softly, his heart wrenching with guilt at his words. “But still… I can’t love you, Kota. I just can’t.”
Kota was shocked, hearing Kei say these words and admit he had feelings for him, too. But then… “Why can’t you?” Kota repeated, struggling to understand Kei’s vague explanation.
“I…” Kei squeezed his eyes shut, knowing the immense pain his next words would cause for both of them. “I already have a boyfriend.”
The five words echoed off the walls and hung, suspended, in the murky air around them.
“B-Boyfriend?” Kota choked, the word stabbing his heart like a dagger.
A single teardrop fell from Kei’s eyes and landed on Kota’s injured hand, immediately absorbed by the bandages.
“I’m sorry, I want to love you, but I can’t!” Kei cried, running out the door. Why, why, why? Why did I just tell him that? I should’ve just rejected him and saved him from sharing my pain! Why did I start crying? It’ll only make him feel worse! Why did I run away? I should’ve just stayed and faced the truth, but I was too weak! Why am I so weak?! Kei screamed at himself.
He wiped away his tears hurriedly as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself as he rushed down the hall and away from Kota. All of a sudden, he collided… with Yuri.
“Kei!” she shouted, surprised to have crashed into him.
“Yuri, I’m sorry, but I have to go-”
“Kei, listen to me!” Yuri stood in front of Kei, her hands outstretched, blocking his way downstairs. “Yesterday, we saw. Yuto and I saw you kissing Kota!”
Kei froze. “What?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“Kei, don’t deny it, we saw it with our own eyes! Do you realize how much you hurt Yuto?”
“Yuto…” Kei mumbled, guilt clawing at his mind.
“Kei, are you even listening?!” Yuri shook Kei roughly, snapping him out of his daze.
“I-I’m sorry! It’s just that… I don’t even know anymore…” Kei sighed, hanging his head is despair. “Yuri, help me, please!” Kei cried out frantically. “I’m so lost a-and confused a-and I don’t know what’s going on with me, I-”
“Kei,” Yuri cut in. “Just answer me this. Who is it that you love? Yuto or Kota?”
Kei hesitated, dreading his own honest answer. He closed his eyes once more, before whispering, “Kota.”
Yuri sighed. “Then you have to go tell Yuto, just talk to him and explain everything. He deserves to know. I’m sure that after you guys work everything out, your friendship can still be salvaged. Yuto cares very deeply for you, you know?” Yuri stared intently into Kei’s eyes in complete seriousness.
Kei nodded. “I know. I care about him, too, but my heart no longer belongs to him… it’s been stolen by Kota…” Kei mumbled, defeated. “Oh! Speaking of which, Yuri, can you help me take Kota to the hospital? He just hurt his hand, and I think he may need stitches,” Kei said hurriedly.
Yuri nodded. “Of course, but are you sure you don’t want to?”
Kei shook his head. “I don’t think he really wants to see me right now…” especially after what I said to him before leaving in such a rush. “But don’t worry; I’ll be sure to talk to Yuto after work. Thanks for your guidance, Yuri,” Kei smiled.
Yuri smiled back gently, “No problem,” before hurrying off to tend to the injured Kota.
Yuto… Kei thought as he slowly descended the stairs. What am I going to say to make sure you don’t hate me forever?