Thinking of You - Chapter Eight
~君思う~
~Thinking of You~
Chapter 8: Blind Failure
Ryosuke Yamada thudded his head against the bathroom door, his eyes clenched shut as he tried to close himself off from the rest of the Jimusho. He didn’t want to believe the horror he had just witnessed, and he didn’t even want to go home now. It seemed as if the world waiting just outside was too far away, too distant. It felt as if Ryosuke had entered a horrifying new world, one in which Daiki had lost his mind and Chinen had run home weeping. He himself had been unable to protect the one he loved; he hadn’t been able to step in before Kei. Ryosuke was trapped, trapped in a possessed world, a dreadful world. He had no idea what was happening or why it was all happening, but he knew one thing.
He just wanted this world to end.
***
D-Daiki… Wh-What’s wrong with him?? He’s turned into a… a monster! How could I have possibly fallen for a m-monster?! My heart… Wh-What’s wrong with me?? Why is this happening?!
I-I can’t take this! The kind, caring, sweet, friendly Daiki… he’s GONE! Why?!! Have I done something wrong?! Is this my fault!?
I want the Daiki I fell for to come back! I-I need him… I need him back… I need him here for me, like he said he would always be… But that was a lie, wasn’t it?! I was lied to! Betrayed! Deceived by the one my own heart yearned for! The one I loved was all a LIE! Why is this happening!? I-I can’t take this!!
The same thoughts clashed over and over in Chinen’s discordant mind. He was practically fighting himself in a battle that he was doomed to fail. Without realizing it, Chinen began slipping into the dark crevices of his own mind. He could no longer trust anyone. He no longer had anyone. He no longer loved anyone.
***
Stepping into the rehearsal room, Chinen said nothing, staying silent. Twice, Yuto had tried to start conversation with his friend, talking about how he and the rest of SEVEN, along with Kota, Kei, and Hikaru, had gone to visit Yuya in the hospital. He was doing alright, Yuto mentioned. A couple broken ribs and limbs, but his life was no longer in danger. Yuya would recover eventually, and JUMP would then be returned to its normal ten-person state.
Chinen didn’t want to hear it.
Yes, he still cared about Yuya, but he was too terrified to extend his friendship, his trust, to anyone, even to his injured friend, even to his one friend that had even bothered to approach him that day.
It was too dangerous. Too much for him to handle. It would be best to just leave me alone, he tried explaining to Yuto. But Yuto merely gaped back at Chinen, stunned to see his little adorable friend rejecting his presence.
Meanwhile, Daiki had continued to take charge, acting as if he had done no wrong, as if there was nothing wrong, when in fact, the very heart of JUMP was breaking apart.
***
“Daiki, can I talk to you for a minute?” Kei requested quietly once rehearsal had ended that day in a stony, unwelcoming silence.
“What? Are you ready to apologize to me yet?” Daiki scoffed. “Otherwise, I don’t want to hear it.”
Kei was taken aback. “I had no idea you would turn out this way…” he muttered under his breath.
“What?” Daiki raised an eyebrow questioningly.
“Listen, Daiki,” Kei stared intently into Daiki’s cold, unnerving eyes, trying to find what remnants of his former friend’s warmth and kindheartedness remained. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but the truth is, you’ve become a… a tyrant. You think you can do all these wretched things to us, but it’s just all wrong. You seriously injured Yuya, emotionally scarred Chinen, and now, you’ve become a dictator over our rehearsals. You don’t realize it, but at this rate, you’re not only hurting us each individually, but you’re hurting yourself and JUMP as a whole as well!” Kei exclaimed. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?” Kei asked hopefully. He wanted to make sure at least some of what he was saying had sunk and made it through to Daiki.
Daiki lowered his head, his bangs falling over his eyes, casting them into dark shadow. “I understand,” he answered in a low voice. He paused before continuing.
“I understand that you’ve completely turned against me!” Daiki yelled straight into Kei’s face, red hot anger coursing through his body. “I was right to denounce you! You’re nothing but a little coward! Once everyone else turned traitorous against me, you just followed along! Voice your own opinions, Kei! I don’t want to hear all these excuses!”
Daiki stomped off, leaving before Kei could recover from the pure shock and whisper back, “But these are my own opinions… I seriously worry about you, Daiki… Can’t you see?”