Thinking of You - Chapter Nine
~君思う~
~Thinking of You~
Chapter 9: Friends.
Kei Inoo wandered out of the Jimusho later that evening like a mindless, empty shell being driven along merely by his own two feet. Life itself seemed to be turning on edge; his world was being slowly shredded apart, scrap by scrap. Everything he thought he loved about JUMP was no longer there.
Suddenly, he felt a wet splatter fall onto his head, interrupting his thoughts. Looking up at the cloudy sky, raindrops began plummeting down onto Kei’s unprotected body. Not knowing why, he soon found himself upon a familiar friend’s doorstep, and without even stopping to think, he rang the doorbell.
“Kei? What are you doing here… in the rain?” Kota Yabu opened the door and greeted him with an astonished look on his face.
“I-I’m sorry,” Kei replied hurriedly, snapping back into realization of where he was. “I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’m just going to go, sorry to have bothered-”
“Wait,” Kota smiled, grabbing onto Kei’s wrist before he could turn away. “If you go out now, you’ll catch a cold by the time you reach home. Why don’t you just stay with me until the rain subsides?” he offered sympathetically.
“I don’t think that’s a good-”
“Come on,” Kota rolled his eyes, pulling the soaking wet boy inside. “It wasn’t a debatable question,” he laughed jokingly.
“So do you remember where my room is? Or do I have to lead you up there myself?” Kota asked once Kei had reluctantly trudged inside.
Kei meekly nodded in reply.
“Good. You can just look in my closet for a dry set of clothes, and in the meantime, I’ll grab some towels from the bathroom and set them outside the door for you, okay?”
Kei nodded once more, heading up the familiar stairs that led to Kota’s bedroom. Peeling the drenched clothing off his skin, Kei shivered as his bare skin became exposed to the chilling air.
Opening the door a crack, he reached down and grasped the towels Kota had left outside and quickly dried himself off before slipping into the first pair of jeans and t-shirt he found in Kota’s dresser.
“What am I doing here?” Kei sighed as he folded his own sopping clothes up and placed them in an unused plastic bag that was hanging from the side of a little wastepaper basket beside Kota’s desk. Taking a deep breath, Kei put his hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it open.
He was not ready to face Kota yet, but he knew he had to.
Heading downstairs, Kei found Kota busy preparing food in the kitchen.
“Here you go,” Kota said, pushing a bowl of soup towards Kei as soon as he had sat down at the counter.
“Kota, it’s okay, you don’t have to do this,” Kei insisted, pushing the bowl back.
“Yes, I do. I want to take care of you, so just accept my offer. Please?” Kota nudged the bowl back towards Kei, a look of genuine tender caring reflected in his gaze.
“I…” can’t resist…
Picking up the spoon, Kei drank a sip of the soup and couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at his lips.
“This reminds me of the time you nursed me back to health after I had fallen ill from waiting for you at the park for over three hours… I remember that on day it was raining even harder than it is tonight,” Kei murmured softly.
“Kei… I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I still am about that, even today…”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Kei cut him off gently. “Your mom almost died that day. In your rush to go the hospital, I completely understand how could’ve forgotten about our… our date.”
Kota shook his head, bowing to Kei in shame. “No, there’s no excuse for me to ever forget you. Kei, I will never forgive myself for causing you pain. Emotionally, from thinking that I had abandoned you, and physically, from the illness you suffered from as a result.”
“Kota, it’s fine,” Kei smiled, trying to alleviate some of his friend’s guilt. Speaking in a low, soft voice, he reminisced tenderly. “You were the one who cared for me most when I as sick. Plus, that night, you still came, after all. The moment the shadow of your umbrella shielded me from the rain pouring down from above, I couldn’t have been happier to see you, because I knew then that you hadn’t just abandoned me. Deep in your heart, you still cared for me. And that was enough to make me smile gratefully up at you. I remember I told you I thought you had left me behind, all alone. But you replied by pulling my feeble body into your loving embrace and whispering in my ear, ‘You are never alone.’
“These memories… I’ll never forget them. And the only thing I can do is thank you for contriving them.” Kei recreated that same grateful smile he had given Kota all those years ago as he looked up to meet Kota’s gaze.
“I would never have done otherwise,” Kota answered softly as he sat himself down across the counter from Kei.
“Thanks,” Kei murmured, finding himself expressing his sincere gratitude for what seemed like the millionth time that night as he tore himself away from Kota’s eyes. After a long period of silence, of Kota watching as Kei finished his soup, the pair simply sat wordlessly in the quiet night, content with each other’s company.
“I-” both Kota and Kei began simultaneously.
“You first,” Kota said quickly.
Kei’s eyes shifted from left to right, feeling insecure about what he wanted to say. “I… came here tonight after what seemed like the most torturous JUMP rehearsal ever. The way Daiki’s been treating us… I can’t even begin to describe the horror,” Kei confessed.
“I understand,” Kota answered gently. “But Kei… you like him, don’t you?” he whispered, eyes drifting down to stare at the floor as he spoke.
“H-How did you know?” Kei stammered hesitantly.
“From the way you defended him. You have such a gentle soul; I can’t imagine you would ever have raised your voice in such anger unless you really felt strongly towards whom you were protecting. And also, simply from the way you watch him, talk to him, treat him, it’s different from the rest of us,” Kota muttered sullenly.
“Y-You noticed?” Kei asked, amazed to find out he had been acting so conspicuously. But then again, he should have known that anything anomalous about him would be noticed by Kota.
Kota nodded. “It wasn’t that hard.”
Kei gulped. “But then, why? Why do you still treat me like we’re still… lovers?” Kei breathed out his final word nervously. “You shouldn’t love me anymore…”
Kota leaned forward and gently placed an innocent kiss of Kei’s soft, pink lips. “I know it was foolish for me to keep acting this way, but I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I love you, Kei. My heart yearns only for you. I can’t stop myself from loving you. I just can’t.”
Kei’s eyes grew to a look of pure shock. He realized what abomination Kota had just committed, and he stumbled, falling backward, out of his chair. Before Kota could even get a chance to apologize for his actions, Kei had already run out the door.
***
“You’ve got to help me, Hikaru!” Kei pleaded through his phone’s receiver. Hikaru sighed melodramatically and rested his head on his hands as turned over in bed.
“What’s wrong this time, Kei? Did you forget your keys to your front door again? Lock yourself in the bathroom? Ran out of dog food for Jam and An?” Hikaru asked exasperatedly, obviously displeased to have been rudely awakened by Kei’s call.
“N-No,” Kei replied, a little miffed by Hikaru’s disobliging attitude. “It’s Kota,” he breathed.
***
Deep in the night, only one other JUMP member remained awake. At one in the morning, Ryosuke Yamada was busy digging through a cardboard box of childhood belongings in his basement. Unearthing memories and dust bunnies alike, he rummaged under a pile of toys and games until he finally pulled out an old sketchbook.
Smiling as he gently blew the film of dust off the cover, Ryosuke held out the spiral under the dim light and laughed quietly to himself, thinking that the book, although was still larger than his average textbook, seemed smaller than he had remembered in from his childhood.
Hiking back upstairs to his room, Ryosuke turned on his desk lamp and began flipping through the pages, a slight smile forming on his lips as he looked reminiscently through his past doodles from when he was seven, maybe eight years old. Now at the age of fifteen, he had suddenly felt the urge to draw again.
He wanted to vent out his anger, fear, and frustration by self-expression though simple paper and pencil. He wanted to lose himself in his inspirations and perhaps just forget about all the horror that had happened.
Traveling back into my childhood… if only I could.
***
“When the heck were you planning on telling me that you and Kei had been in a relationship before?!” Hikaru demanded as soon Kota walked into the BEST dressing room the next day.
“Shh! Where’d you even hear that from?!” Kota hissed, lowering his voice even though none of the other members had yet arrived.
“I have my ways,” Hikaru smirked. “But still… for all these years, you guys have been making out behind my back?” he raised an eyebrow, taunting his older friend.
“N-No!” Kota stuttered, his complexion blushing madly.
Hikaru laughed. “Of course not,” he sneered.
“Shut up!” Kota joined in the laughter, playfully kicking Hikaru in the shin. “But then, Hikaru, if you know,” Kota continued in a serious tone now. “Would you mind hearing me out about all these Kei issues I’m suffering from? I… I just need someone to talk to,” Kota confided.
“No problem, I’ll listen,” Hikaru grinned, happy to see everything was going according to plan.
***
“Chinen, please, talk to me!” Ryutaro complained, nudging his friend gently, as he tried to urge him to reply.
“Yeah, come on, Chinen, what’s wrong with you?” Keito asked concernedly. Chinen shook his head and turned his back to them.
“Chinen, please stop acting this way. We’re your friends and you’re hurting all of us by concealing your own pain like this,” Yuto said, reaching out to gently poke Chinen’s arm.
“Stop it!” Chinen jerked back as if he had been seared by Yuto’s touch. “Go away, all of you! I don’t want to hear it!” he screamed, running away. I can’t let them approach me… I can’t trust them. I can’t trust anyone. Everyone would just betray me… Just like Daiki… Chinen kept telling himself as his legs carried him, storming out of the room and into the hall. Crouched down huddled in a corner, he shook his head as his body convulsed in both fear and disgust.
Friends? I don’t even know the meaning of the word.
~~~
A/N: I'm so happy to see you're reading!! ^^ Thank you for the support!! (sorry I just wanted to get that out there..XDD) But anyway, because I have finals coming up, I won't be posting anything more until around two weeks from now... so for now, I posted two more chapters, but hopefully you won't get too tired of waiting! I'm really sorry!! >.<