Shades (TWENTY-EIGHT)
SHADES (28)
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT - MOTHER
It is unusual for him not to see Kyuhyun beside him when he wakes up. Their love making the night ago made him forget what is about to happen the next morning, but the absence of his lover is what made him remember.
Today, Kyuhyun will talk to Sunny.
It shouldn’t be a big deal to him; knowing that Kyuhyun will always be loyal to him and would never give in to Sunny’s advances; still, he can’t help worrying. Therefore, his feet involuntarily lead him to the bedroom which was supposed to be his.
He sees the door slightly opened. Curious as to what is happening inside, he takes a peek and there he is welcomed by the sight of Kyuhyun’s back. In front of the latter, Sunny was sitting on the bed, tears streaming down her cheeks whilst she looks up at Kyuhyun.
Their conversation can’t be heard, plus, he can’t see Kyuhyun’s face, making him uneasy. He continuously chants mentally how much he trusts his lover; however, when Sunny stands up and forces her lips on Kyuhyun’s, he almost breaks down.
Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping, he puts a hand on his mouth to muffle a cry and runs back to the bedroom. He tries erasing images of those two kissing in a room. Kyuhyun is still a man, and just like him, a man also has needs. Men are biologically compatible with women. Women are created for men because men need women to satisfy their needs. He is not a woman. Therefore, he is not compatible with Kyuhyun because he is not created for Kyuhyun to satisfy his needs.
This is making him crazy. As much as he doesn’t want to think of it, his paranoia takes over him and unwanted images come flashing in his mind as if to torture him. He paces back and forth in the room, trying to think of how to forget, until he remembers one place where he could go to calm his mind and heart.
Quickly, he changes his clothes then heads to his car. He kind of feels guilty for ignoring Nari when the woman was calling him for breakfast, but he doesn’t want to go back for now. The place seems to suffocate him the longer he stayed there, knowing that Kyuhyun’s latest Submissive before him was in a room with his boyfriend, alone, and kissing.
‘Aish, I said I will forget!’ he thinks.
Stepping on the accelerator, he drives to his new favorite place, a smile immediately forming on his face as excitement rushes through him for he’s going to meet his favorite baby again.
He is warmly welcomed by Ms. Park, the landlady, not forgetting to ask where Yesung is, and he says he is alone. Ms. Park leads him to where the toddlers spend their morning playtime while telling him stories of Sandeul’s progress after the baby met them. He can’t help but feel like a proud mother listening to how the teacher praises his son.
The moment the old lady opens the door, he hears a familiar squeal and sees that adorable ball of energy in a bunny costume crawling towards him.
“Deullie!” he squeals in delight as he bends to pick the boy up. “How’s my baby Deullie, hm?” he asks while showering the boy kisses on his cute face. It earns him gleeful laughter from the younger.
“Let’s play outside?”
Sandeul is more than willing to do so.
He cannot remember when the last time he had laughed so hard like this was. The simple joys brought by the kids make his mood brighter than ever. He enjoyed too much that he was not able to keep track of the time - he’s been in the orphanage for three hours now, and he just knew when he glanced at his pink wrist watch.
The kids are still playing, most are energetic while some are already quiet because they are hungry. It is near lunch time, though. Quite surprisingly, Sandeul is one of the energetic ones. The people there told him that Sandeul was never that playful for a long time, thus making him a proud mommy again.
While watching Sandeul roll on the mat, Ms. Park calls for his attention and politely asks him if he could help her prepare the children’s food. Of course, he willingly offers his help and goes inside the kitchen with the landlady.
“You know, Sandeul loves you very much,” Ms. Park starts their conversation while they pour soup on the plastic bowls. “The way he acts towards you is different to the way he treats me.”
Blush graces his cheeks at the compliment and he bites his lower lip to stop himself from grinning. “I love Sandeul as well, ahjumma. He’s such a sweetie pie.” Both him and Ms. Park giggle.
“Do you want to adopt Sandeul?” comes the abrupt question from Ms. Park which almost made him let go of the bowl.
He gapes at the beautiful old woman, whose eyes reflect tenderness and sincerity. She reminded him of his late grandmother, so a request coming from her is very hard to decline. Sure, he would love to claim Sandeul as his own son, but there is just one problem he needs to take care of.
“Ah, right,” Ms. Park interrupts his thoughts. “Yesung-ssi is a celebrity. News of him adopting a baby won’t do good to his building image.” The old woman shyly laughs.
A slight frown forms on his forehead as he tries processing the woman’s words for a moment. Then he realized she mentioned ‘Yesung’ who is actually Jongwoon. He panics for a bit once he finally got what the woman was trying to imply.
“Oh, no, ahjumma, Yesung is not my boyfriend!” He replies with a sheepish grin. He thought he had made it clear in his actions before that they are not lovers. “I have a boyfriend, but it’s not Yesung.” At the mention of that, he suddenly remembers that particular lover of his, whom he had forgotten for hours.
Disappointment is clear on the elder’s face. They merely exchange awkward laughs.
“I want to adopt Sandeul, but I will still ask my boyfriend…” Him referring to Kyuhyun as his boyfriend still brings out fireworks in his chest. “While we’re not yet clear about this, can you reserve Sandeul for me?”
Ms. Park merrily laughs, her pointy eyes forming to a thin line. “Gladly. I’m sure Sandeul wouldn’t accept any other parents, anyways.”
The thought of having the hyper Sandeul running in their house makes him smile widely. He can already imagine Sandeul disturbing Kyuhyun from playing Starcraft, or the both of them playing video games together. He can imagine Shindong getting tired from running after the hyper baby, while Nari is preparing food for the bundle of joy. Of course, Donghae would be there buying Sandeul some Nemo stuffed toys (using Eunhyuk’s money, though).
Maybe Sandeul will bring more life to the lonely house. Maybe Sandeul will bring more light to Kyuhyun’s dark life.
Then again, he recalls how Sandeul and Kyuhyun hate each other. He sighs.
Sandeul is the cutest while eating. The way the baby puff his chubby cheeks makes it hard for him to control himself from squishing it. People around him say that he is the cutest, he is the aegyo king, and all other shits of him being adorable, but after meeting Sandeul, it seems he’s got competition.
Onew, a nephew of Ms. Park who sometimes help in managing the orphanage, runs inside and calls him, “Sungmin-hyung, Cho Kyuhyun-ssi is looking for you.”
Just like that, his happy bubble burst.
Deciding to tease his lover for a bit he brings Sandeul with him after thanking Onew. Oh he could imagine the cutest glaring competition between the two boys once they see each other.
As expected, the moment Kyuhyun and Sandeul laid their eyes on each other, it was as if lines of electricity came out from their eyes directed towards the other. He rolls his eyes at Kyuhyun’s childishness.
“I thought you went to work.” Kyuhyun says while eyeing Sandeul cautiously.
He avoids Kyuhyun’s gaze, sighing. “I’m not really in the mood to work. I already informed my assistant.” He replies weakly. Kyuhyun releases a weak sigh and looks at anywhere but him - a sign that the younger is uneasy about something, which is obviously what he said.
The awkward atmosphere emitting from the three of them makes him decide to bring Sandeul back to the shelter and go with Kyuhyun. He forces himself not to cry when Sandeul started wailing and clutching on him tightly as he hands the boy back to his caretaker. It hurts him to see the little one have tears on his doe eyes because of him leaving. If only he could spend more time with Sandeul…
“I will come back to visit you, okay?” he tries reassuring the crying infant, yet the sounds didn’t cease. It came to him that Sandeul and Kyuhyun are similar to each other in terms of their personality, so he tries one method he knows that is effective on his lover.
“If Deullie will not stop crying, Minnie-hyung will not come back.” Much to his relief, his plan works. Sandeul slowly stops crying, and the redness of the baby’s nose reminds him of Kyuhyun again. He smiles proudly and kisses the baby’s chubby cheek.
After the goodbyes and promises of coming back are done, he sees Kyuhyun sitting on one of the swings, staring at nowhere in particular. He feels a pang of pity in his chest at the gloomy sight.
Quietly, he sits on the swing beside Kyuhyun’s, exchanging small smiles with the CEO once the latter took notice of his presence. The brunet looks back at the calm afternoon sky after. He watches how the younger closes his eyes to feel the wind lightly touch his face, his brown locks swaying with the wind. He takes his time in admiring his lover’s side profile.
Seeing how youthful Kyuhyun looks like on a swing makes him smile; however, Kyuhyun immediately feels his stares.
“Hey, don’t look at me like that. This is not my first time on a swing.” Kyuhyun jokes. He is aware that it is not the time to laugh, but he did. His ears perk when he hears Kyuhyun laugh with him, though it is a light one. Kyuhyun’s laugh is like music to his ears - so precious.
Moments like these shared with Kyuhyun is like a treasure to him. The recent happenings in their lives are full of tears, heartbreak, anger, and joy. He had experienced mixed emotions which were alien to him before Kyuhyun became a part of his life. That is why as simple as this moment is, he would give anything just for them to stay this way. Peaceful.
But then, his gaze lands on Kyuhyun’s lips. Images of Kyuhyun pressing those lips on that woman’s lips flood through his mind again, thus disrupting the stable flow of his thoughts.
As several questions formulate in his mind, tears start brimming on his eyes and he glances up at the sky as well to prevent those from falling. He didn’t want the newly-found calming atmosphere to be broken. He didn’t want to talk about what happened a while ago. He doesn’t want to hear anything regarding it.
Still, both of them are bipolar.
“She kissed me,” Kyuhyun suddenly utters. With his eyes widely opened, he gawks at the man beside him who was intently looking at him. When his favorite pair of lips parted, his heart takes a leap. “I immediately pushed her away, I promise.”
Despair, regret and truth - Kyuhyun’s eyes reflect those. He can’t see a hint of lie on those eyes and on the way he said it. The other man was looking straightly to his eyes. No matter how many times he had made contact with those orbs, he still feels like fainting every single time they stare at him.
The fresh tears forming on his eyes are not because of jealousy anymore, but because of guilt. He didn’t mean to be childish regarding that. He didn’t mean to doubt Kyuhyun.
“I believe you.”
What he said brings Kyuhyun to smile widely, and he unconsciously returns it with the same one. The heavy feeling he was bearing ours ago is completely lifted away from his chest after this talk with Kyuhyun. All he needed was reassurance from Kyuhyun himself, and thankfully, the guy gave it to him. He then promises himself that he will never, ever, ever doubt Kyuhyun’s loyalty again (even if it concerns Zhou Mi).
“What happened, then?” he asks cautiously, not wanting to earn a negative reaction from the other. After being sure that nothing of what his paranoid brain gave him actually happened, he now has the guts to know the details of what happened during their talk.
Kyuhyun didn’t seem uncomfortable with it, though. “I just told her that she and I were over.”
“That’s it?” He is kind of expecting something dramatic.
Kyuhyun nods, and with a shrug, he looks back at the tree at the front far away from them. “I said our thing was just in the past and she should get over it. I merely knocked some sense into her, and she understood immediately.”
“That fast?” He can’t believe what he is hearing. When Sunny was talking to him, she was so stubborn whenever he tries calming her down.
Another nod from Kyuhyun. “I told her that you will be the only one in my heart.”
There goes his heart leaping up high to the heavens. Since when Kyuhyun was able to say those three words like that? Yes, Kyuhyun was the first one to confess, but he sensed the struggle of the man to say it to him. And now, he heard no difficulty and hesitancy in the younger’s voice. It was so sincere.
“Thank you, Kyu.” He whispers as he reaches for his loved one’s hand. The young CEO briefly looks at their intertwined fingers before gazing back at him with such a handsome smile.
He loves seeing that smile. It is not mischievous, not childish, not sarcastic, and is not bitter; it is his true smile. The smile that is his own and could capture a million hearts because of it. It dawns on him that he is falling more and more in love of that smile even if his heart would continuously die.
When Kyuhyun raises his hand and presses his lips on his knuckles, he will not deny how red and heated his cheeks have become.
“I will do anything for you, my love.”
The atmosphere was supposed to be serious, beautiful and romantic, yet as Kyuhyun said those words with the usual naughty smirk, he knew that the guy is on his playful mode again. He is not able to hold his giggles back.
After a few funny conversations and teasing, Kyuhyun suddenly turns serious and holds his hand, squeezing it.
To his shock, Kyuhyun stands up and pulls him up towards his car, Cacao - he just thought of the name recently.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
They stop next to Cacao then Kyuhyun opens the front passenger seat door for him to enter.
“What about Shindong-hyung?”
“I sent him off after he brought me here.”
“But why?” He pouts.
Kyuhyun places a hand atop his head and pushes him down to get in the car, whispering, “Can’t I have some solo time with my princess?” The pout on his lips remains as he watches Kyuhyun close the door and stride towards the driver’s seat.
The ride was noisy. They are yelling at each other, but they are not fighting. Kyuhyun had this silly idea of turning the volume of the music player to its maximum so they have to shout whenever they have something to say. Their conversations went on like him asking Kyuhyun where their destination is, but the latter wouldn’t answer him, then he would repeat the question, and the younger will repeat his action.
It was the first time they were like this. Whenever they are in a car, they were always quiet and merely exchanging glances, smiles, and sometimes, glares. But now, it is so lively inside. He is not complaining, though, for he feels like they finally act like a normal couple. Being unique is good, still, it is not bad to be just like other couples out there.
While on the way, they took a stopover at the mall they passed by to eat lunch and take a rest. They spent hours in the arcades because Kyuhyun insisted that he missed playing there. It was a bit of a disadvantage to him for he was never a fan of games that whenever he and his friends hang out at the mall, he’s the only one not trying out games in the arcade.
And so in revenge, after Kyuhyun enjoyed in his gaming paradise, he forced the man to go shopping with him. He knew how much Kyuhyun hated shopping, especially pink stuffs.
More minutes have passed from the mall, and they reach a village near the seaside. Kyuhyun stops the car in front of a still unfinished house, though there are no workers in sight. Although Kyuhyun didn’t say a word, it is automatic that Kyuhyun is the owner of this currently in-renovation abode.
The high walls outside the house are already painted in white, with glass gates on the center to serve as the entrance. Kyuhyun leads him to a small metallic door beside the gate, a guard opening it for them.
Upon entering the door, the view of a big white two-storey house welcomes them. Around it, pure soil can be seen. No grasses yet, no bricks and other design for the lawn.
They enter the empty house, his lips parting in awe realizing how big the place is. The windows are not yet finished, including the paint on the walls. There aren’t many lights around, so the only thing illuminating the place is the sun.
He is about to ask something, but Kyuhyun speaks ahead of him. “I want you to decide the design with me.”
His forehead creases as he glances at the taller man beside him, “What, why?”
However, the young businessman didn’t answer him and pulls his hand towards the wooden staircase. “Let’s go see the sunset!” The younger male announces excitedly.
Once they step on the second floor, Kyuhyun brings him to a spacey empty room and soon pulls him to the balcony, where cold wind caressed his face and hair. He narrows his eyes at the striking orangey hue of the sky, but it surely helped calm his tired body and mind. The day he had was exhausting, yet fun, and he would give anything for him to experience this everyday with the gorgeous young man next to him.
Said gorgeous young man walks behind him and envelopes him in a tight hug. He places his arms on top of his lover’s, smiling as he gives Kyuhyun’s cheek a soft kiss.
“We are gonna transfer here, babe.” Kyuhyun whispers.
Curiously, he looks at the other with an arched eyebrow, not fully understanding what he meant by it. Chuckling, Kyuhyun continues, “I want this place to be our home, to be the place that will be the witness of our everyday love,” His heartbeat races faster as he listens to each word his boyfriend is letting out. He hopes it will lead to that something he thinks the younger will say.
“I want us to live here after we get married.”
He expects it. He expects that Kyuhyun will say those, but the feeling of hearing it directly and personally is what he isn’t prepared of.
“Kyu…” he manages to croak the younger’s name, not trusting his voice right now. He wants to pinch his cheeks to check if he is dreaming or not.
With a smile, Kyuhyun steps beside him and holds his shoulders to make him face the other. He bites his lower lip and looks up at Kyuhyun in attempt to prevent his tears from falling. Kyuhyun reaches for his hands and places it on his chest.
“I know it’s too early, but I’m already a hundred percent sure that it’s you who I want to spend the rest of my life with…. So…” he catches his breath, anticipating as to what will come next. “…will you marry me?”
Wet tears brimming on his eyes finally defied him and rolled on his cheeks. He had once dreamed of being proposed to at a garden full of flowers, a small round table with a candle on its center, a band playing romantic music at the side, and a shining silver band on the hands of a handsome man kneeling on the grass, in front of him.
Now, there is no garden, no flowers, no round table with candles gracing it, no band playing, and no ring on the hands of a man kneeling in front of him. However, what make this more special than his silly fairytale are the sincere words he had heard from the most handsome man in his life.
As much as he is having difficulties in speaking, because Kyuhyun had made a long speech, he will also reply in long sentences.
“You know, it is not all about how long a couple was in a relationship. It is about how much you know about each other. And I am a hundred percent sure that I know you enough to say yes, I will marry you!”
The smile on Kyuhyun’s face grows wider as he jumps on the former and hugs him tight. They kiss like there’s no tomorrow, conveying messages through actions. Salty tears mix on their cheeks, none could distinguish which are theirs. Their hands roam around their bodies desperately, wanting nothing but to feel the warmth of each other under their palms.
They didn’t even feel the coldness of the floor for they are busy giving attention to each other. They didn’t even care that there aren’t any mattresses and only white curtains scattered on the floor are present.
The plan was to watch the sunset together, but they completely forgot it for the sight of each other’s sweaty figure is way more beautiful than the setting sun.
They remain in each other’s arms while they embrace the afterglow of their love making.
It is Kyuhyun who breaks the silence. “Do you want to know why I chose you, Sunny and the others as my Submissives?”
He doesn’t really like the topic, but it was Kyuhyun who opened it and he is curious about it, anyway. He merely hums in reply.
“It’s because of my biological mother.”
His mother. Kyuhyun rarely talks about his mother. The man always avoids it whenever they cross along that topic.
“What’s with her?”
Kyuhyun takes a deep breath before parting his lips.
He discovers that Kyuhyun’s mother, whose name is Seohyun, has the same round eyes as he and Sunny have. He has no idea how the other Submissives look like, but Kyuhyun said that all of them, except for Zhou Mi, have round eyes.
“You guys remind me of her. I’ve seen her suffer on my father’s hands but she chose to stay with him and end up dying. I really hated her because of that, for it also caused my suffering. Of course I can’t go anywhere without one of my parents since I was still a minor back then. She’s so selfish,”
He notices Kyuhyun’s eyes getting misty, so he entwines their fingers, holding the younger’s hand tight. Kyuhyun gives him a small smile. “So whenever I see people like you, like her, especially when we first met, I just felt like compelled to see you suffer… to make you suffer like her. My palms itched to touch you in a violent way. I know I became like my father because of it, but I can’t stop it. The frustration’s always building up inside me that I lose control. The memories are still here… they won’t let go of me.”
He wraps his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist and whispers words of encouragement. “No, Kyu… you just don’t let go of your memories… of your past… Let go of it and you will be free. You will not get haunted by the images of your mother. You will not think of yourself like your father anymore. You will be Kyuhyun. You will be you,” he smiles wider. “Besides, I am now here. You won’t dare hurt me, will you?”
Kyuhyun stares at him before letting go of the breath he had been holding for a while now. The former sighs in relief and hugs him tight, pressing his lips on the side of his head. “What would I do without you?”
He giggles. “Nothing, you silly baby.”
Though in his mind, he thinks he also can’t do anything without Kyuhyun.
“I love you, Sungmin.”
“I love you, too, so much.”
Yes, he was born as a male. But he was specially made compatible with Kyuhyun because he is created for Kyuhyun to satisfy his needs… and his entire being.
TO BE CONTINUED