Death fics do not suit me
As implied from the subject of this post, this is indeed and regrettably a death fic. Which does not suit me at all.
I hate myself for writing this and killing off anybody. I can't bear to hurt a hamster let alone kill somebody, so obviously I'm upset.
I was inspired by the song Byul Stars from the K-drama movie, 200 Pounds Beauty. It made me cry when I listened to it in the movie.
Here you go. I warned you.
Title: His Smile
Rating:
Genre: Romance//Angst
Pairing: Eeteuk//Yesung
Summary: He would forever remember his smile as he said those three words back to him.
*edit: because LJ is being a big fat meanie, I had to post this in parts. Which I feel completely ruined the mood. :(
----
He had been fine just before they stepped onto the stage, when they were going over the steps one more time to make sure everyone got it perfectly.
They had gotten on the laser-lit stage with confidence and looking forward to the cheers of the fans that would leave them deaf for days afterward.
“Okay, let’s do our best! Super Junior!” Eeteuk said encouragingly.
“Fighting!” the rest of the group finished, breaking away their hands excitedly.
The performance started out flawlessly, everyone performing song after song without a single beat missed.
But once they were more than halfway through Don’t Don, after his solo and in the middle of one of their last choruses, he held a hand up to his head as he danced, his face forming a wince.
His dancing was less energetic but not so much that anyone would notice, since he wasn’t exactly the most obvious person in the group.
The music immediately stopped once his legs gave out and he collapsed flat onto the floor, unconscious. The crowd’s cheering stopped right away as soon as they saw him fall, quiet and confused murmurs quickly spreading through the entire arena-like audience benches.
The rest of the members rushed to him as soon as they saw him black out and fall unceremoniously to the glowing stage floor. Henry stopped playing his violin as well and ran over, hoping nothing was too serious.
“Yesung! Yesung-ah!” they said loudly, worry for him clearly showing.
At this moment, he looked pale, paler than he normally would be, and his face felt cold and clammy. Being the closest, Eeteuk picked him up, surprised to find that the younger member was so light.
Their manager seemed to suddenly come from nowhere and onto the stage, obviously concerned. He told the stage crew and MCs to end the concert early and called for an ambulance.
There was nothing but confusion and unheard questions that wanted to be answered. But right now, the only thing to worry about was getting Yesung to a hospital where hopefully their questions might be answered.
----
All of them had waited at least an hour, still wearing their performance clothes, when the doctor came out, clipboard in hand. Henry was there as well as Zhoumi, who had came as fast as he could when he heard the news.
All 14 of them stood up when she approached them, but Eeteuk spoke first, summing up their thoughts in a single question.
“Is he okay?” The doctor had looked him up and down once before adjusting her glasses and answering his question.
“He’s fine for now. If you want to talk to him, he’s awake, but he’s still resting, mind you.” She replied in a business-like tone, as if she wasn’t telling him something.
Eeteuk dismissed it for now and gestured towards the other members that it was alright to go in. If it was important, she would tell him later.
“Thank you, Euisa-nim.” He thanked politely, smiling appreciatively. At this, she had fixed her glasses slightly before nodding stiffly and walking down the hall.
All 14 of them went in, the room surprisingly large enough to accommodate them all. But they hardly noticed due to their shock when they saw Yesung in the hospital bed.
He was clad in sterile hospital pajamas, a colorful heart pattern sprinkled generously over the thin cotton fabric. His complexion was sickly pale, bordering on white, and without the sweaters and baggy clothing hiding them, his arms appeared skinny and fragile.
He smiled softly at them when he saw them come in, his cheekbones almost showing if not for the tiny amount of baby fat left on his face still. His eyes still twinkled with the same luster they always did though, the corners crinkling as his eyes formed crescents.
“Annyeong…” he said, trying to sound energetic and failing miserably as he coughed lightly, earning him worried looks he caught easily.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine. Really.” he said cheerfully, smiling again. The bright smile was too much as the others couldn’t help but smile back lightly even though they were still worried.
“Yesung, are you sure?” Ryeowook asked, concerned for him as he always was.
“I was just tired, I guess. Nothing to worry about, Wookie, I’ll be out of here and performing with everybody in no time.” he said before holding in a cough and ruffling Ryeowook’s hair affectionately.
“Babbo…you could’ve just said so and saved us the trouble.” Heechul said, teasing as always.
Yesung only smiled at that before it broke when he yawned. Eeteuk smiled as he rubbed his eye with his palm childishly.
“Okay, we’ll leave you to sleep, alright, Sungie?” he asked. Yesung replied by nodding sleepily, the other members following Eeteuk’s example and getting up, saying their good byes to Yesung before leaving the room one-by-one.
“Night, Sungie.” The leader said as the fourth oldest made himself comfortable in bed. He leaned down to kiss him good night on the forehead before leaving, closing the door and switching off the lights behind him.
The rest of them had probably arrived out by the time he was finished and he proceeded to follow them until the sharp sound of heels striking tiled floors and a familiar voice calling for him to wait reached his ears.
“Wait! Eeteuk-shii!”
He turned around to find the doctor from before who had been so curt to him. She panted as she came to a stop next to him, her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.
“I have to tell you something. I didn’t want to tell you before when all the others were there but you are the leader so you have to know at least.” she said in hurried Korean.
Eeteuk looked at her in confusion and worry. “What is it?”
“It concerns him. Yesung. He has…leukemia, and from what I see, he’s had it for awhile.” she said reluctantly, sympathy heavy in her voice.
“W-What?” Eeteuk said, staggering back from shock.
“I’m sorry, Eeteuk-shii, but by now, he has only about 5 more months to live. I’m sorry I had to tell you this but it’s the truth.” The short doctor said, true sadness in her voice as she did. She bowed once before apologizing once more and disappearing back down the hall.
He has leukemia…? It can’t be the same Yesung sleeping in that room, it can’t be… he tried convincing himself to no avail.
“Ah, hyung! Manager-hyung says to hurry up!”
He heard Ryeowook’s voice from behind him and turned around sharply, seeing the third youngest with Kyuhyun at the far end of the hall, both waving at him impatiently, though they had apparently cheered up, smiles plastered across their faces.
I can’t let them know…not now…not yet
He forced himself to smile, hoping both of them couldn’t see he was actually trying not to cry.
“Ah, mianhae, I’m coming, don’t worry!” he said as brightly as he could without it looking obviously fake.
They left right before a single tear escaped his eyes to run down his cheek and drip off his chin onto his shirt, the wet stain barely visible.
----
The whole way home, everybody was tired, all of them sleeping, except for Donghae, who was occupied playing games on his PSP.
Henry snored lightly as he slept with his head on Han Geng’s shoulder, the older male leaning back onto him. Kyuhyun was half asleep, his fingers absently opening and closing as he held Zhoumi’s hand contently.
Shiwon was being used as Kibum’s pillow and Heechul was fast asleep on Kangin’s shoulder. It was quiet throughout the whole trip home, peaceful.
Except for Eeteuk, that is. He couldn’t sleep, the doctor’s words echoing in his head despite his efforts to get rid of them.
I’m sorry…he only has 5 months to live…I’m sorry…I’m sorry..
“Yesung…” he said to himself quietly.
“Hyung-ah, you okay?” Sungmin said, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Eeteuk was startled by his sudden appearance next to him, jumping in his seat.
“I’m fine, I’m fine…just worried.” He said, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face when Sungmin yawned and snuggled into his side.
“Yesungie-hyung wouldn’t want you to worry too much…” he said before falling asleep on the leader’s shoulder.
“Alright…” With that, he tried his best to forget his thoughts for now and sleep.
But he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about keeping secrets from the others.
----
He got out of the hospital two weeks later and was welcomed back into the dorms with much gusto.
Eeteuk still hadn’t spoken a word about his discovery in the hospital and simply smiled when Han Geng and Heechul arrived home with Yesung in tow.
Yesung looked like his fall last week had never happened and laughed, protesting loudly, when Han Geng and Kangin lifted him up from under his arms and swung him around playfully.
“Ah, Hannie, Kangin-ah, put me down! You’re both going to break my arms off!” he shouted, laughing at the same time.
“Ah, hyung-deul, Yesungie just got out of the hospital!” Ryeowook said worriedly. He rushed over and inspected Yesung as soon as they dropped him onto the sofa.
“Wookie-ah, it’s okay, I’m fine.” Yesung said reassuringly, smiling in amusement at Ryeowook’s worrying ministrations.
“Are you sure? Did you eat anything today? Did you sleep well? You look thin, I’ll make you soup, okay?” the younger member babbled on. Henry and Zhoumi watched the scene from a corner of the room, holding back their laughs when Han Geng rolled his eyes behind Ryeowook.
“I’m fine, Wookie, don’t worry!” Yesung said, laughing.
Hearing that, Eeteuk couldn’t help but remember the doctor’s words for about the thousandth time in a row. He shook his head, taking a breath to clear his head.
It worked for now, his thoughts silent as he went over to greet Yesung and welcome him back to the dorms.
“Teukie-ah!”
-----
For the next week or so, everything was back to normal again, their schedules as busy as before. And just like before, Yesung appeared perfectly fine and healthy.
None of the other members suspected a thing and it seemed as if the incident a week before was just a fleeting nightmare.
Eeteuk almost forgot about Yesung’s ailment. Almost.
After practice, they left the studio for home when Yesung said his head hurt. Not moments later, he fainted and fell on top of Heechul, who was annoyed at first until he realized Yesung wasn’t playing around.
“Ah, Yesung, are you okay? Yesung?” the second eldest asked shaking his shoulder gently.
-----
They brought him to the nearest hospital and waited outside Yesung’s room. It was only that moment that several of them noticed the guilty look on the oldest member’s face.
“Hyung, you know something, don’t you?” Kibum asked, though it sounded more like a statement.
Eeteuk looked up in surprise. “Ah, what makes you think that?”
“Hyung.” The actor stood up and crossed his arms, a frown crossing his features.
Eeteuk opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out, his voice dying as soon as he thought to make up another excuse.
“I can’t say.” He said simply, quietly.
By now the others had stood up and gathered around him.
“Why not? We’re a family, aren’t we? No secrets, remember?” Kangin reasoned, reminding the leader of the group’s strong bond.
Eeteuk looked up, unsure. In the end, there wasn’t any getting out of this, as the rest of them were pretty much sure that something was up.
“Yesung...he’s not well.” He said hesitantly.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “Of course he isn’t. We know that already.”
Eeteuk shook his head, fighting back the urge to just cry right then and there. He managed to do that successfully, holding his face in his hands.
“No, I don’t mean he’s just ill…Yesung…he has…he has…” the leader said out, finding the words hard to come.
“What is it? Hyung, you’re scaring me.” Ryeowook said, his hand gripping the fabric of Shiwon’s sleeve tightly.
“Yesung has…leukemia.”
----
“Teukie, you’re joking, right? Yesung doesn’t really have…” Eunhyuk trailed off, unable to say the word, as if he was afraid if he said it, it would no doubt be true.
“How long did you know?!” Kangin demanded to know.
“…since the last time it happened.” Eeteuk said quietly. Ryeowook looked like he was about to cry, Shiwon trying to comfort him despite the tension that had suddenly dropped on them.
“Why didn’t you tell us? I thought there weren’t supposed to be any secrets between us! What happened to that?!” Donghae said loudly, almost shouting, his tone brimming with anger. Eunhyuk was holding his arm to keep him from lashing out even more at the silent leader.
Heechul was silent as well, sitting back down with his face propped up on his hands.
When the nurse came, he seemed to be the only person who noticed.
“Hey. Hey!” He was ignored as they continued to argue with each other. He scowled, not enjoying the lack of attention.
The second oldest broke up the group, roughly pushing Kangin and Donghae to the side.
“What the…”
“Hey!”
Heechul looked at both of them menacingly, daring them to start anything.
“The nurse says we can go in. Now shut up and come on.” He said, noticing Eeteuk’s grateful look aimed towards him.
Thankfully, they let up on the leader and quietly followed Heechul into the room, Eeteuk following them meekly from behind.
-----
He was awake when they entered, sitting in bed clad in hospital-sanitary multi-colored heart printed pajamas, staring at his hands as he made tiny little motions with his fingers. He looked up when he heard the door open, his black hair falling naturally into his eyes.
“Ah, annyeong…” he greeted somewhat awkwardly.
“Yesung, why didn’t you tell us?” Kangin didn’t waste anytime, voicing what most of them were thinking at the moment.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about…” he said airily, tilting his head just slightly so his eyes didn’t meet theirs.
A sharp pain met his cheek with surprising force, his eyes widening in shock as he raised a hand to gingerly touch his throbbing cheek.
“Stop it, you’re hurting him, hyung!” Ryeowook cried, grabbing Kangin’s arm.
Yesung just put a hand to his cheek and looked up slightly, smiling despite the pain in his cheek. His eyes suddenly looked a lot older and Kangin’s eyes only widened in surprise.
“I’m okay, I’m okay. It’s okay, Wookie, I’m okay.” He said lightly, trying to sound convincing. He smiled, wincing almost invisibly because of the stinging pain in his cheek.
All of them forgot their anger once they saw his smile, suddenly feeling guilty, but still feeling betrayed that he hadn’t said anything about his illness. But then they realized he was trying to pretend to deny the fact he was dying and none of them could do anything about it, except keep him sane because they didn’t know.
He was trying his best not to cry because he was afraid if he cried, everybody would cry too.
“I didn’t want to worry you, everybody has their own problems they have to deal with and I didn’t want to be another one of those problems. I’m sorry, I really am.” Yesung said as apologetically as he could without breaking down.
“Hyung-ah, we’re family, remember? And family stick together, no matter what!” Donghae’s previous anger outside in the hall had been forgotten and he tried to smile as bright as he could, silently hoping everyone would follow him and do the same.
“Yesung Fighting!” he said, encouragingly punching a fist into the air. He looked at everyone else, silently pleading.
“Yesung Fighting!” he said again, this time joined by all 14 of them, even Teukie who had been silent the whole time.
Yesung laughed, his first since they arrived, and smiled widely, tears running down his cheeks.
Because even then, in the back of his mind, he was crossing his fingers and counting the days until he would leave.
-----
Since then, all of them visited whenever they could. Eeteuk visited every other day, sometimes when Yesung was asleep, sometimes when he was awake.
When he was asleep, Eeteuk would just sit there, and when the crimson peonies next to his bed were starting to wither, he would buy new ones and switch them before Yesung woke up.
Sometimes he ran into the other members, Han Geng and Henry the most, because Henry couldn’t leave the dorms without one of the other members with him and Han Geng always volunteered.
Donghae and Eunhyuk would often come, sometimes twice a day several times during the week. Eunhyuk went with Eeteuk after Sukira broadcasts when Donghae wasn’t available and always did his best to make sure Yesung was laughing or smiling.
His family used to visit once every week, but then his mother couldn’t bear to see her eldest son bed-ridden and sickly pale. His brother still visited every week but he didn’t run into him often.
He remembered when he was leaving Yesung’s hospital room after an hour-long visit, running into Han Geng and Henry.
“Teukie-ah! You’re leaving?” Han Geng asked him, Henry behind him with violin and bow in hand.
“I’m going to be late, I have Sukira to do in half an hour.” Eeteuk answered casually, smiling.
“Ah, okay. Henli, let’s go then. Bai bai, Teukie!”
The older Chinese member grabbed Henry’s wrist, pulling him along as the younger boy tried to keep up.
“Gege, slow down!” Henry said in Chinese, earning him a laugh and a teasing from the older male.
“You can dance so fast but you can’t keep up with me?” Han Geng said in playful Chinese.
“Ah, you’re cruel…”
Eeteuk smiled at how close the two had become since their year-long stay in China and started to walk in the opposite direction.
When he realized he left his car keys back in the hospital room.
“Aish…”
He turned around and walked as quickly as he could. He stopped at the door, about to knock when he heard the three talking.
“…dancing was perfect as usual, Hannie. I watched you perform “U” today, and Henli was very good! I think he might be better at the hip thrusting than you are, Hannie.”
At this, he heard Yesung and Han Geng laugh, and peeking through the crack in the door, he saw Henry’s cheek quickly darkening from dusty rose pink to deep crimson red.
“Well, I have a good teacher…” he muttered, glancing at Han Geng from the corner of his eyes. It was Han Geng’s turn to blush darkly now and he scratched the back of his head and coughed.
“Ah, Hannie, it’s a bit soon to being doing things like that with Henli, don’t you think?” Yesung asked, with a teasing and suggesting tone, no doubt smiling widely.
“Yesung!” Han Geng exclaimed in shock and embarrassment, as his blush darkened further, if that was even possible.
At this Yesung laughed again, obviously getting the result he wanted. After he finished though, he was back to normal again.
“Henli-ah, can you play a song for me?” He couldn’t see Yesung’s face, but he could see Henry nod in reply.
“What do you want me to play?” the younger boy asked, resting his violin on his shoulder.
“Inhyeong. The song Teukie and I sang at the Super Show.” His voice was sweet and endearing as he said Teukie’s name.
“When are you going to tell him, Sungie?” Han Geng asked.
“I can’t. It would just hurt more.” Yesung replied. There was a rustle of sheets and a light screech of wooden chairs sliding across tiled floors.
After he heard this, Eeteuk turned around and left, deciding to leave his keys behind this time, knowing Han Geng would bring them home later and call him to tell him.
He opened his cell and dialed Eunhyuk to tell him to pick him up on his way to the radio station.
“Yoboseyo?”
-----
I hate myself for writing this and killing off anybody. I can't bear to hurt a hamster let alone kill somebody, so obviously I'm upset.
I was inspired by the song Byul Stars from the K-drama movie, 200 Pounds Beauty. It made me cry when I listened to it in the movie.
Here you go. I warned you.
Title: His Smile
Rating:
Genre: Romance//Angst
Pairing: Eeteuk//Yesung
Summary: He would forever remember his smile as he said those three words back to him.
*edit: because LJ is being a big fat meanie, I had to post this in parts. Which I feel completely ruined the mood. :(
----
He had been fine just before they stepped onto the stage, when they were going over the steps one more time to make sure everyone got it perfectly.
They had gotten on the laser-lit stage with confidence and looking forward to the cheers of the fans that would leave them deaf for days afterward.
“Okay, let’s do our best! Super Junior!” Eeteuk said encouragingly.
“Fighting!” the rest of the group finished, breaking away their hands excitedly.
The performance started out flawlessly, everyone performing song after song without a single beat missed.
But once they were more than halfway through Don’t Don, after his solo and in the middle of one of their last choruses, he held a hand up to his head as he danced, his face forming a wince.
His dancing was less energetic but not so much that anyone would notice, since he wasn’t exactly the most obvious person in the group.
The music immediately stopped once his legs gave out and he collapsed flat onto the floor, unconscious. The crowd’s cheering stopped right away as soon as they saw him fall, quiet and confused murmurs quickly spreading through the entire arena-like audience benches.
The rest of the members rushed to him as soon as they saw him black out and fall unceremoniously to the glowing stage floor. Henry stopped playing his violin as well and ran over, hoping nothing was too serious.
“Yesung! Yesung-ah!” they said loudly, worry for him clearly showing.
At this moment, he looked pale, paler than he normally would be, and his face felt cold and clammy. Being the closest, Eeteuk picked him up, surprised to find that the younger member was so light.
Their manager seemed to suddenly come from nowhere and onto the stage, obviously concerned. He told the stage crew and MCs to end the concert early and called for an ambulance.
There was nothing but confusion and unheard questions that wanted to be answered. But right now, the only thing to worry about was getting Yesung to a hospital where hopefully their questions might be answered.
----
All of them had waited at least an hour, still wearing their performance clothes, when the doctor came out, clipboard in hand. Henry was there as well as Zhoumi, who had came as fast as he could when he heard the news.
All 14 of them stood up when she approached them, but Eeteuk spoke first, summing up their thoughts in a single question.
“Is he okay?” The doctor had looked him up and down once before adjusting her glasses and answering his question.
“He’s fine for now. If you want to talk to him, he’s awake, but he’s still resting, mind you.” She replied in a business-like tone, as if she wasn’t telling him something.
Eeteuk dismissed it for now and gestured towards the other members that it was alright to go in. If it was important, she would tell him later.
“Thank you, Euisa-nim.” He thanked politely, smiling appreciatively. At this, she had fixed her glasses slightly before nodding stiffly and walking down the hall.
All 14 of them went in, the room surprisingly large enough to accommodate them all. But they hardly noticed due to their shock when they saw Yesung in the hospital bed.
He was clad in sterile hospital pajamas, a colorful heart pattern sprinkled generously over the thin cotton fabric. His complexion was sickly pale, bordering on white, and without the sweaters and baggy clothing hiding them, his arms appeared skinny and fragile.
He smiled softly at them when he saw them come in, his cheekbones almost showing if not for the tiny amount of baby fat left on his face still. His eyes still twinkled with the same luster they always did though, the corners crinkling as his eyes formed crescents.
“Annyeong…” he said, trying to sound energetic and failing miserably as he coughed lightly, earning him worried looks he caught easily.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine. Really.” he said cheerfully, smiling again. The bright smile was too much as the others couldn’t help but smile back lightly even though they were still worried.
“Yesung, are you sure?” Ryeowook asked, concerned for him as he always was.
“I was just tired, I guess. Nothing to worry about, Wookie, I’ll be out of here and performing with everybody in no time.” he said before holding in a cough and ruffling Ryeowook’s hair affectionately.
“Babbo…you could’ve just said so and saved us the trouble.” Heechul said, teasing as always.
Yesung only smiled at that before it broke when he yawned. Eeteuk smiled as he rubbed his eye with his palm childishly.
“Okay, we’ll leave you to sleep, alright, Sungie?” he asked. Yesung replied by nodding sleepily, the other members following Eeteuk’s example and getting up, saying their good byes to Yesung before leaving the room one-by-one.
“Night, Sungie.” The leader said as the fourth oldest made himself comfortable in bed. He leaned down to kiss him good night on the forehead before leaving, closing the door and switching off the lights behind him.
The rest of them had probably arrived out by the time he was finished and he proceeded to follow them until the sharp sound of heels striking tiled floors and a familiar voice calling for him to wait reached his ears.
“Wait! Eeteuk-shii!”
He turned around to find the doctor from before who had been so curt to him. She panted as she came to a stop next to him, her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.
“I have to tell you something. I didn’t want to tell you before when all the others were there but you are the leader so you have to know at least.” she said in hurried Korean.
Eeteuk looked at her in confusion and worry. “What is it?”
“It concerns him. Yesung. He has…leukemia, and from what I see, he’s had it for awhile.” she said reluctantly, sympathy heavy in her voice.
“W-What?” Eeteuk said, staggering back from shock.
“I’m sorry, Eeteuk-shii, but by now, he has only about 5 more months to live. I’m sorry I had to tell you this but it’s the truth.” The short doctor said, true sadness in her voice as she did. She bowed once before apologizing once more and disappearing back down the hall.
He has leukemia…? It can’t be the same Yesung sleeping in that room, it can’t be… he tried convincing himself to no avail.
“Ah, hyung! Manager-hyung says to hurry up!”
He heard Ryeowook’s voice from behind him and turned around sharply, seeing the third youngest with Kyuhyun at the far end of the hall, both waving at him impatiently, though they had apparently cheered up, smiles plastered across their faces.
I can’t let them know…not now…not yet
He forced himself to smile, hoping both of them couldn’t see he was actually trying not to cry.
“Ah, mianhae, I’m coming, don’t worry!” he said as brightly as he could without it looking obviously fake.
They left right before a single tear escaped his eyes to run down his cheek and drip off his chin onto his shirt, the wet stain barely visible.
----
The whole way home, everybody was tired, all of them sleeping, except for Donghae, who was occupied playing games on his PSP.
Henry snored lightly as he slept with his head on Han Geng’s shoulder, the older male leaning back onto him. Kyuhyun was half asleep, his fingers absently opening and closing as he held Zhoumi’s hand contently.
Shiwon was being used as Kibum’s pillow and Heechul was fast asleep on Kangin’s shoulder. It was quiet throughout the whole trip home, peaceful.
Except for Eeteuk, that is. He couldn’t sleep, the doctor’s words echoing in his head despite his efforts to get rid of them.
I’m sorry…he only has 5 months to live…I’m sorry…I’m sorry..
“Yesung…” he said to himself quietly.
“Hyung-ah, you okay?” Sungmin said, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Eeteuk was startled by his sudden appearance next to him, jumping in his seat.
“I’m fine, I’m fine…just worried.” He said, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face when Sungmin yawned and snuggled into his side.
“Yesungie-hyung wouldn’t want you to worry too much…” he said before falling asleep on the leader’s shoulder.
“Alright…” With that, he tried his best to forget his thoughts for now and sleep.
But he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about keeping secrets from the others.
----
He got out of the hospital two weeks later and was welcomed back into the dorms with much gusto.
Eeteuk still hadn’t spoken a word about his discovery in the hospital and simply smiled when Han Geng and Heechul arrived home with Yesung in tow.
Yesung looked like his fall last week had never happened and laughed, protesting loudly, when Han Geng and Kangin lifted him up from under his arms and swung him around playfully.
“Ah, Hannie, Kangin-ah, put me down! You’re both going to break my arms off!” he shouted, laughing at the same time.
“Ah, hyung-deul, Yesungie just got out of the hospital!” Ryeowook said worriedly. He rushed over and inspected Yesung as soon as they dropped him onto the sofa.
“Wookie-ah, it’s okay, I’m fine.” Yesung said reassuringly, smiling in amusement at Ryeowook’s worrying ministrations.
“Are you sure? Did you eat anything today? Did you sleep well? You look thin, I’ll make you soup, okay?” the younger member babbled on. Henry and Zhoumi watched the scene from a corner of the room, holding back their laughs when Han Geng rolled his eyes behind Ryeowook.
“I’m fine, Wookie, don’t worry!” Yesung said, laughing.
Hearing that, Eeteuk couldn’t help but remember the doctor’s words for about the thousandth time in a row. He shook his head, taking a breath to clear his head.
It worked for now, his thoughts silent as he went over to greet Yesung and welcome him back to the dorms.
“Teukie-ah!”
-----
For the next week or so, everything was back to normal again, their schedules as busy as before. And just like before, Yesung appeared perfectly fine and healthy.
None of the other members suspected a thing and it seemed as if the incident a week before was just a fleeting nightmare.
Eeteuk almost forgot about Yesung’s ailment. Almost.
After practice, they left the studio for home when Yesung said his head hurt. Not moments later, he fainted and fell on top of Heechul, who was annoyed at first until he realized Yesung wasn’t playing around.
“Ah, Yesung, are you okay? Yesung?” the second eldest asked shaking his shoulder gently.
-----
They brought him to the nearest hospital and waited outside Yesung’s room. It was only that moment that several of them noticed the guilty look on the oldest member’s face.
“Hyung, you know something, don’t you?” Kibum asked, though it sounded more like a statement.
Eeteuk looked up in surprise. “Ah, what makes you think that?”
“Hyung.” The actor stood up and crossed his arms, a frown crossing his features.
Eeteuk opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out, his voice dying as soon as he thought to make up another excuse.
“I can’t say.” He said simply, quietly.
By now the others had stood up and gathered around him.
“Why not? We’re a family, aren’t we? No secrets, remember?” Kangin reasoned, reminding the leader of the group’s strong bond.
Eeteuk looked up, unsure. In the end, there wasn’t any getting out of this, as the rest of them were pretty much sure that something was up.
“Yesung...he’s not well.” He said hesitantly.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “Of course he isn’t. We know that already.”
Eeteuk shook his head, fighting back the urge to just cry right then and there. He managed to do that successfully, holding his face in his hands.
“No, I don’t mean he’s just ill…Yesung…he has…he has…” the leader said out, finding the words hard to come.
“What is it? Hyung, you’re scaring me.” Ryeowook said, his hand gripping the fabric of Shiwon’s sleeve tightly.
“Yesung has…leukemia.”
----
“Teukie, you’re joking, right? Yesung doesn’t really have…” Eunhyuk trailed off, unable to say the word, as if he was afraid if he said it, it would no doubt be true.
“How long did you know?!” Kangin demanded to know.
“…since the last time it happened.” Eeteuk said quietly. Ryeowook looked like he was about to cry, Shiwon trying to comfort him despite the tension that had suddenly dropped on them.
“Why didn’t you tell us? I thought there weren’t supposed to be any secrets between us! What happened to that?!” Donghae said loudly, almost shouting, his tone brimming with anger. Eunhyuk was holding his arm to keep him from lashing out even more at the silent leader.
Heechul was silent as well, sitting back down with his face propped up on his hands.
When the nurse came, he seemed to be the only person who noticed.
“Hey. Hey!” He was ignored as they continued to argue with each other. He scowled, not enjoying the lack of attention.
The second oldest broke up the group, roughly pushing Kangin and Donghae to the side.
“What the…”
“Hey!”
Heechul looked at both of them menacingly, daring them to start anything.
“The nurse says we can go in. Now shut up and come on.” He said, noticing Eeteuk’s grateful look aimed towards him.
Thankfully, they let up on the leader and quietly followed Heechul into the room, Eeteuk following them meekly from behind.
-----
He was awake when they entered, sitting in bed clad in hospital-sanitary multi-colored heart printed pajamas, staring at his hands as he made tiny little motions with his fingers. He looked up when he heard the door open, his black hair falling naturally into his eyes.
“Ah, annyeong…” he greeted somewhat awkwardly.
“Yesung, why didn’t you tell us?” Kangin didn’t waste anytime, voicing what most of them were thinking at the moment.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about…” he said airily, tilting his head just slightly so his eyes didn’t meet theirs.
A sharp pain met his cheek with surprising force, his eyes widening in shock as he raised a hand to gingerly touch his throbbing cheek.
“Stop it, you’re hurting him, hyung!” Ryeowook cried, grabbing Kangin’s arm.
Yesung just put a hand to his cheek and looked up slightly, smiling despite the pain in his cheek. His eyes suddenly looked a lot older and Kangin’s eyes only widened in surprise.
“I’m okay, I’m okay. It’s okay, Wookie, I’m okay.” He said lightly, trying to sound convincing. He smiled, wincing almost invisibly because of the stinging pain in his cheek.
All of them forgot their anger once they saw his smile, suddenly feeling guilty, but still feeling betrayed that he hadn’t said anything about his illness. But then they realized he was trying to pretend to deny the fact he was dying and none of them could do anything about it, except keep him sane because they didn’t know.
He was trying his best not to cry because he was afraid if he cried, everybody would cry too.
“I didn’t want to worry you, everybody has their own problems they have to deal with and I didn’t want to be another one of those problems. I’m sorry, I really am.” Yesung said as apologetically as he could without breaking down.
“Hyung-ah, we’re family, remember? And family stick together, no matter what!” Donghae’s previous anger outside in the hall had been forgotten and he tried to smile as bright as he could, silently hoping everyone would follow him and do the same.
“Yesung Fighting!” he said, encouragingly punching a fist into the air. He looked at everyone else, silently pleading.
“Yesung Fighting!” he said again, this time joined by all 14 of them, even Teukie who had been silent the whole time.
Yesung laughed, his first since they arrived, and smiled widely, tears running down his cheeks.
Because even then, in the back of his mind, he was crossing his fingers and counting the days until he would leave.
-----
Since then, all of them visited whenever they could. Eeteuk visited every other day, sometimes when Yesung was asleep, sometimes when he was awake.
When he was asleep, Eeteuk would just sit there, and when the crimson peonies next to his bed were starting to wither, he would buy new ones and switch them before Yesung woke up.
Sometimes he ran into the other members, Han Geng and Henry the most, because Henry couldn’t leave the dorms without one of the other members with him and Han Geng always volunteered.
Donghae and Eunhyuk would often come, sometimes twice a day several times during the week. Eunhyuk went with Eeteuk after Sukira broadcasts when Donghae wasn’t available and always did his best to make sure Yesung was laughing or smiling.
His family used to visit once every week, but then his mother couldn’t bear to see her eldest son bed-ridden and sickly pale. His brother still visited every week but he didn’t run into him often.
He remembered when he was leaving Yesung’s hospital room after an hour-long visit, running into Han Geng and Henry.
“Teukie-ah! You’re leaving?” Han Geng asked him, Henry behind him with violin and bow in hand.
“I’m going to be late, I have Sukira to do in half an hour.” Eeteuk answered casually, smiling.
“Ah, okay. Henli, let’s go then. Bai bai, Teukie!”
The older Chinese member grabbed Henry’s wrist, pulling him along as the younger boy tried to keep up.
“Gege, slow down!” Henry said in Chinese, earning him a laugh and a teasing from the older male.
“You can dance so fast but you can’t keep up with me?” Han Geng said in playful Chinese.
“Ah, you’re cruel…”
Eeteuk smiled at how close the two had become since their year-long stay in China and started to walk in the opposite direction.
When he realized he left his car keys back in the hospital room.
“Aish…”
He turned around and walked as quickly as he could. He stopped at the door, about to knock when he heard the three talking.
“…dancing was perfect as usual, Hannie. I watched you perform “U” today, and Henli was very good! I think he might be better at the hip thrusting than you are, Hannie.”
At this, he heard Yesung and Han Geng laugh, and peeking through the crack in the door, he saw Henry’s cheek quickly darkening from dusty rose pink to deep crimson red.
“Well, I have a good teacher…” he muttered, glancing at Han Geng from the corner of his eyes. It was Han Geng’s turn to blush darkly now and he scratched the back of his head and coughed.
“Ah, Hannie, it’s a bit soon to being doing things like that with Henli, don’t you think?” Yesung asked, with a teasing and suggesting tone, no doubt smiling widely.
“Yesung!” Han Geng exclaimed in shock and embarrassment, as his blush darkened further, if that was even possible.
At this Yesung laughed again, obviously getting the result he wanted. After he finished though, he was back to normal again.
“Henli-ah, can you play a song for me?” He couldn’t see Yesung’s face, but he could see Henry nod in reply.
“What do you want me to play?” the younger boy asked, resting his violin on his shoulder.
“Inhyeong. The song Teukie and I sang at the Super Show.” His voice was sweet and endearing as he said Teukie’s name.
“When are you going to tell him, Sungie?” Han Geng asked.
“I can’t. It would just hurt more.” Yesung replied. There was a rustle of sheets and a light screech of wooden chairs sliding across tiled floors.
After he heard this, Eeteuk turned around and left, deciding to leave his keys behind this time, knowing Han Geng would bring them home later and call him to tell him.
He opened his cell and dialed Eunhyuk to tell him to pick him up on his way to the radio station.
“Yoboseyo?”
-----