RP woes/is massage supposed to work that way?
Hello, one point six people still reading my journal. It's been a while, and I have a lot to say.
So. Long, long story short (if you don't know it it doesn't matter and if you do know it you already know. Yup.) I'm waffling about whether to continue on in trans_9. The founder and mastermind of the game left because it wasn't fun anymore. Our characters (and our players) argued too much and never got anything done the way it was supposed to be. An adventure became a circular argument nightmare.
Now I have to give the team credit---mods and players are fixing it as best they can, and a solution should be up in a few days or a week. That's great. I'm glad that everyone wants to make things right again. But I haven't been able to see it that way, and here's why: the founder's gone, and it doesn't feel right to me to continue without her. I know she had great plans for the adventure we were all supposed to embark on, and that's all gone. She had complex plots building, and that's all gone. She took me in when I started and charmed everyone with her wit, leadership, and awesomeperson-ness, and that's gone too.
I feel sick when I think about it. On the first day after the disaster, I almost vomited. Although...everything went to hell on my birthday, so maybe it was because I ate too much birthday cake. I don't know. But the point is, part of me thinks I have a moral obligation to drop, because it feels wrong wrong wrong to be in the game without her. The other part thinks I have an obligation not to drop, because my character leaving would disrupt others and hurt some feelings.
"But Zoki, what do you WANT to do?" That's what I don't know, and that's precisely my problem. Maybe I'll stick around for one more plot and see if these queasy feelings go away. Can I just rewind to before my birthday, when I was still 19 and everything was okay?
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Other than the dilemma I outlined in whiny detail above, my other birthday present was my first massage treatment. I did a ton of research beforehand. I knew to eat lightly and healthily, have water on hand for after the treatment, wash my feet well, and try to relax. Unfortunately I forgot the bit about taking a hot shower before your appointment.
So I went. The therapist was very nice, and actually one of my classmates in my college biology class. If I'd known that beforehand, I might have chosen a different therapist---because gee did it get awkward. I'll explain that in a bit, because damn do I need a funny story right now.
Anyway, I went for full body on my mother's recommendation. Being the prude I am, my heart was racing for the first few minutes. It feels really weird to be naked under a sheet if you're not used to it. But it wasn't too bad. It felt...really nice actually, to just surrender and let someone else work my muscles. Even if she was a classmate that I didn't know well. She went after my face, arms, and legs first, poking at the mess of knots in my shoulders. That would continue to be a problem.
Then it was time to turn me over and she lifted the sheet plain off, leaving me fully frontally nude. Most massage therapists would probably call that poor draping technique, since the client's never supposed to feel exposed like that (or so I read). But I was so blissed out that I didn't care anymore. So I turned over, kept my chest lifted as instructed while the headrest was set up, and let my boobs hang out. Whatever.
So then as the knots in my glutes are being attacked, she wants to talk about my professor at school. The crotchety civics teacher everyone loves. I just went with it. Yeah, should've been weird that we're talking about this while she's fully clothed and digging into my naked behind, but I went with it. I didn't get any squicky sexual vibes from her in case anyone's wondering, just...it's stuff. That gets done. And I do feel a little better.
And now the dog demands attention. Here's to hoping that I can right myself in this wobbly world eventually.
So. Long, long story short (if you don't know it it doesn't matter and if you do know it you already know. Yup.) I'm waffling about whether to continue on in trans_9. The founder and mastermind of the game left because it wasn't fun anymore. Our characters (and our players) argued too much and never got anything done the way it was supposed to be. An adventure became a circular argument nightmare.
Now I have to give the team credit---mods and players are fixing it as best they can, and a solution should be up in a few days or a week. That's great. I'm glad that everyone wants to make things right again. But I haven't been able to see it that way, and here's why: the founder's gone, and it doesn't feel right to me to continue without her. I know she had great plans for the adventure we were all supposed to embark on, and that's all gone. She had complex plots building, and that's all gone. She took me in when I started and charmed everyone with her wit, leadership, and awesomeperson-ness, and that's gone too.
I feel sick when I think about it. On the first day after the disaster, I almost vomited. Although...everything went to hell on my birthday, so maybe it was because I ate too much birthday cake. I don't know. But the point is, part of me thinks I have a moral obligation to drop, because it feels wrong wrong wrong to be in the game without her. The other part thinks I have an obligation not to drop, because my character leaving would disrupt others and hurt some feelings.
"But Zoki, what do you WANT to do?" That's what I don't know, and that's precisely my problem. Maybe I'll stick around for one more plot and see if these queasy feelings go away. Can I just rewind to before my birthday, when I was still 19 and everything was okay?
-----
Other than the dilemma I outlined in whiny detail above, my other birthday present was my first massage treatment. I did a ton of research beforehand. I knew to eat lightly and healthily, have water on hand for after the treatment, wash my feet well, and try to relax. Unfortunately I forgot the bit about taking a hot shower before your appointment.
So I went. The therapist was very nice, and actually one of my classmates in my college biology class. If I'd known that beforehand, I might have chosen a different therapist---because gee did it get awkward. I'll explain that in a bit, because damn do I need a funny story right now.
Anyway, I went for full body on my mother's recommendation. Being the prude I am, my heart was racing for the first few minutes. It feels really weird to be naked under a sheet if you're not used to it. But it wasn't too bad. It felt...really nice actually, to just surrender and let someone else work my muscles. Even if she was a classmate that I didn't know well. She went after my face, arms, and legs first, poking at the mess of knots in my shoulders. That would continue to be a problem.
Then it was time to turn me over and she lifted the sheet plain off, leaving me fully frontally nude. Most massage therapists would probably call that poor draping technique, since the client's never supposed to feel exposed like that (or so I read). But I was so blissed out that I didn't care anymore. So I turned over, kept my chest lifted as instructed while the headrest was set up, and let my boobs hang out. Whatever.
So then as the knots in my glutes are being attacked, she wants to talk about my professor at school. The crotchety civics teacher everyone loves. I just went with it. Yeah, should've been weird that we're talking about this while she's fully clothed and digging into my naked behind, but I went with it. I didn't get any squicky sexual vibes from her in case anyone's wondering, just...it's stuff. That gets done. And I do feel a little better.
And now the dog demands attention. Here's to hoping that I can right myself in this wobbly world eventually.