Wow I can honestly say I didn't expect that... I phoned Alyssa...she was a sleep untill that point...she wasn't verry happy...can't blame her...i asked her if we could meet for coffey either today or tomorow she said she was buisy today and working tomorow she said we'll see... I hope she says yes because I know she misunderstands my intent... all ( Read more... )

So I've prety much given up. My only wish now is to phone her and explain my sellf. this isn't me quiting this is me doing what is right for me it's probly the most selfish thing I've ever done... It's not a retraction cause I still like her but honestly it's not worth the agravation and I'd rather keep a friend and my sanity than lose both as it ( Read more... )

Today I got a return email from Kristal's parents thanking me for the words I wrote they thought it was nice that i was at least able to say what I felt on that day even if I could not be there to see it. I hear the grave is nice it's under a tree overlooking the rest of the cemitary... a typicaly high quality location never got the name though, ( Read more... )

The movie was good i just hated how half way through the plot changed completley from treasure hunting to eco-terrorism but the characters were semi original and they were well played...the solier types acted like soldiers etc... but realy the suspension of disbelief was ruined by the fact that soldiers in the desert would not hold their guns to ( Read more... )

yesterday's walk seems like it was verry productive. I'm awake un injured still feeling like I did when I went to sleep. Refreshed and happy. Maybey I'll make it a once a week thing... something to look foreward to ( Read more... )

Today began well and assuming Things progress it will end well ( Read more... )

It feels like as I move through this week I'm learning more and more how not in controll and how completley blind I've been. Even now I can see the wheels turning the flow of information, and at the same time I know it all may be an illusion. Maybey I'm just being too damn insecure but honestly the only way I can find out is to call Alyssa and say ( Read more... )

It's wierd how things can seem unreal to you sometimes and then how suddenly they hit you ( Read more... )

I don't know what to do... is sunday still on?... will she make a decision?... should I talk it out with matt? with her?... are me and matt even still friends ( Read more... )

I don't know how i'm going to pull out of this...seems like every time i turn arround I care less and less about my surroundings... at the beginning of this year i had a plan for the rest of my life, i was looking foreward to life, and I had friends who I cared about ( Read more... )