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A/N: This was written in my creative writing class as a playwrite of sorts. It's close to three years old by now but it was a fun short piece.
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
Switch
Bill: Engaged and wedding is in six months
Wesley: Married for nine years, anniversary in two weeks.
(Inside the Galleria, two best friends leave the food court.)
Bill: (Late twenties, light brown, uncombed hair, green eyes, tan skin and stands at six foot five inches tall; appears to be a computer nerd, which he is, and is wearing a pair of jeans and a light blue, plaid, button down, short sleeved shirt and converse. Bill adjusts his glass and looks at his best friend.) Why are we here again?
Wesley: (Late twenties, dark brown hair, built like an athlete; used to play basketball and football in high school, well tan and toned skin, dark blue eyes, and stands at six foot seven inches tall. Wesley is wearing a pair of dark blue cargo jeans an a T-shirt that reads; 'call me when I'm not sober, maybe you'll look better.') You need something that doesn't make you look like some college student, and you need to put some muscle on your bones.
Bill: What is that supposed to mean, I may not have played sports, but I wasn't bad in P.E. and as for me looking like a college student, I was a college student.
Wesley: Wonderful, you make plenty of money to buy a fancy house and support a family of ten. But I personally believe that is all that Miranda wants you for.
Bill: That's more than you can say, you're a mechanic at your old man's shop.
Wesley: Yeah well if Sandra hadn't of gotten pregnant then maybe I would have gone to college like you.
Bill: Sure, with what knowledge, you only graduated at all because you were copying from me.
Wesley: Look we have to find something for my anniversary.
Bill: Well I guess a mall is the best place then.
Wesley: Variety, my friend, variety.
Bill: Do you even know what you are going to get her, do you have the slightest clue what she likes.
Wesley: Yes, but you can't buy that in a store.
Bill: (Rolls his eyes) Well, what about her friends, she still has plenty of them.
Wesley: I don't like her friends.
Bill: Why is that? They don't bother me.
Wesley: Yeah, well you're a bookworm. I don't know why you like to read. Don't you even go outside anymore, play sports, do anything, ever?
Bill: Yes, I go outside, I don't own anything I am willing to ruin, my type of job requires a . . .
Wesley: I know, a suit and tie.
(They pass by a sports good store and Wesley grabs Bill by the arm and drags him inside.)
Wesley: Well then we should find you something to ruin and bring you into a man's world. You're engaged to a woman, you don't have to be one.
Bill: What are you implying? Just because I enjoy reading over playing or watching football . . .
(Wesley looks around and grabs two matching, navy blue warm up pants and sweaters. He walks over to the register and pays the cashier for the clothes. She smiles and puts them in a bag.) Have a wonderful day sir, I hope you enjoy your work out.
(Wesley and Bill walk out of the store and head to a jewelry tore where they both buy diamond necklaces and matching earings for their significant, better halves. Then they exit the mall and walk to Bill's blue, 2006, Lexus. Bill gets in the drivers seat and Wesley gets in, then they put on their seat belts and Bills starts the car. Wesley directs Bill to the park and once parked and out of the car they go to the showers to change.)
(Bill and Wesley finish changed and just before they walk out of the stalls lightning strikes the building making the lights go out for two minutes. The two of them feel weird for a moment then walk over to the sinks close to the showers once the lights come on. They look at their reflections and both let out two high pitched screams.)
Bill: (Looks at his reflection in the mirror to find he is no longer a man, but a teenage girl with long dark brown hair, and a tomboyish figure, face and build, the warm ups are only slightly loose and about a foot to long. Bill steps back and looks at Wesley.)
Wesley: (Looks closely at his new reflection as though it were going to evaporate if he stares at it long enough. Wesley's hair is now blond, two inches longer than shoulder length, and he is immediately reminded of a cheerleader. His clothes are also way too big for his new figure.)
Wesley: What the hell is this?! (His voice now the annoyingly, shrilly and sounds like that of a preppy cheerleader we all hate to love.)
Bill: We should go get our money back for the bewitched outfits you bought! (His new voice now that of a tomboyish teenage girl.)
Wesley: Don't try to blame this on me, your new look fits your personality, a girl.
Bill: Shut up, you look like a cheerleader, and you're married to one. What is going on?
Wesley: How the hell am I supposed to know? You went to Yale, you read endlessly, you tell me!
Bill: Maybe, this is karma, maybe in trying to prove our masculinity we transformed . . .
Wesley: This is real life, this kind of shit can't happen.
Bill: We have to calm down and figure out how to get our old bodies back.
(A tall, six foot eleven inches, tan, built, man walks in with two men nearly his size. They look at Wesley and Bill then the biggest one walks over to them and whistles.) You two ladies looking for some action?
Bill: (Rolls his eyes) Not from some brute like you, let's get out of here. (Wesley and bill grab their other clothes and walk out of the showers. Wesley shoves one into the wall after they grab his ass.)
Bill: That was too close for comfort.
Wesley: If I wasn't in this body I would have beat their asses.
(They walk to Bill's car and get in, Bill has to move the seat forward to reach the gas and brake and he has to adjust his mirrors. They put on their seat-belts and Bill starts the car. They drive out of the parking lot and Bill heads to the center of Chinatown.)
Wesley: Why are we going to Chinatown?
Bill: This may be a curse, maybe a witchdoctor can break it, if we can find one.
Wesley: A witchdoctor, what is this a fantasy book?
Bill: Well do yo have any better ideas miss thing?
Wesley: (makes a fist in his hand and fights the urge to hit Bill.) Fine, but shouldn't we go home first.
Bill: Yeah, let's go home looking like two teenage girls. We should come up with names to go by until we get this fixed.
Wesley: Yeah, lets make names for ourselves, then we can go buy dresses and make up and heels.
Bill: Well, we have to think of better names than Bill and Wesley.
Wesley: Fine, whatever you say college girl.
Bill: Billy and Tiffany for you jackass.
Wesley: Billy and Tiffany? Fine, you be Tiffany, your more of a chick than I am even when you look like a man.
Bill: Shut up Tiffany.
Wesley: I am not going by Tiffany, how about Jaime, it's a trans-gender name.
Bill: (shrugs.) It doesn't matter to me.
(Bill parks the car two blocks from Chinatown and they get out of the car. They walk through most of Chinatown and find nothing. As they pass by some torn and worn, small booths a merchant stops them by grabbing Bill's pants leg, which is now rolles up to his knees.) Wait, you are not as you appear. (The old man appears to be in his late seventies and is wearing clothes befitting a homeless guy. He also has a blindfold on over his eyes, but he appears to be looking right at Bill.)
Wesley: How can you tell with a blindfold on?
Merchant: I can see beyond human sight. A curse you suffer from young man.
Wesley: Great now we are in a book. Some creepy old man knows that I am a man and can see me even though he's blind.
Bill: How do we break this curse?
Merchant: A lesson resides in the curse. Right the wrongs you have committed or simply find the source.
Wesley: How do find the source?
Merchant: Only you know.
Wesley: What kind of answer is that?
Bill: If we knew, we wouldn't be asking.
Merchant: Only one of you is the target of this curse. Two cast this curse upon you, but only the one whom the curse targets knows the one who cast this curse upon them.
Bill: Wait, tell us who was meant to be cursed . . .
(The merchant becomes enveloped in smoke and when it finally clears he is no where in sight. Bill and Wesley look around, but they can find him no where.)
Wesley: Damn that old man!
Bill: Well what did you do?
Wesley: Why me, you are capable of doing wrong as well.
Bill: You've been married for nine years, I'm not married yet.
Wesley: Which makes it more likely that you would do something wrong.
(Two days later at Ramada Hotel.)
Bill: (Walks out of the room wearing a dark red, spaghetti strapped dress, matching high heels and the jewelry he originally bought for his fiance.)
Wesley: What the hell are you wearing?
Bill: A dress stupid, what's it look like?
Wesley: I know it's a dress, why are you wearing a dress?
Bill: Why else, I'm in a woman's body!
Wesley: We have been researching this curse and here you are, turning into a woman!
Bill: It isn't my fault we're stuck this way. Besides, how do I look, I bought this new blush . . .
Wesley: (Gets off the bed and walks out of the room, then he comes back in.) I didn't do this . . .
Bill: You were the one that wanted to go shopping . . . (Takes the bag of their cursed warm ups and looks at the tag on one of them.)
Wesley: What are you doing?
Bill: The tags, they may say what store they are from.
Wesley: Why didn't you think of that before!
Bill: Because . . . it says, 'Sporting Goods,' it's no use,
Wesley: We come up with nothing no matter what we do. Are we seriously going to be stuck like this forever?
Bill: Unless you have another plan.
(Two women sit in the middle of a well furnished bedroom looking into a crystal ball with smiles on their faces. They are both wearing the rings from her husband and fiance. One has dirty blond hair, a soft face, and pale skin that match her blue eyes well. The other has well toned skin and reddish brown hair with jade green eyes. These two women are Sandra and Miranda.)
Sandra: Well maybe they will learn something. If they ever figure out how to turn back into men.
Miranda: Yes, but at least this will teach them not to take us for granted.
Sandra: I'm sorry Bill was caught up in this, he has always been so sweet.
Miranda: Bill will be fine, you should worry about how long it will take Wesley to figure it out.
The End.
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
Switch
Bill: Engaged and wedding is in six months
Wesley: Married for nine years, anniversary in two weeks.
(Inside the Galleria, two best friends leave the food court.)
Bill: (Late twenties, light brown, uncombed hair, green eyes, tan skin and stands at six foot five inches tall; appears to be a computer nerd, which he is, and is wearing a pair of jeans and a light blue, plaid, button down, short sleeved shirt and converse. Bill adjusts his glass and looks at his best friend.) Why are we here again?
Wesley: (Late twenties, dark brown hair, built like an athlete; used to play basketball and football in high school, well tan and toned skin, dark blue eyes, and stands at six foot seven inches tall. Wesley is wearing a pair of dark blue cargo jeans an a T-shirt that reads; 'call me when I'm not sober, maybe you'll look better.') You need something that doesn't make you look like some college student, and you need to put some muscle on your bones.
Bill: What is that supposed to mean, I may not have played sports, but I wasn't bad in P.E. and as for me looking like a college student, I was a college student.
Wesley: Wonderful, you make plenty of money to buy a fancy house and support a family of ten. But I personally believe that is all that Miranda wants you for.
Bill: That's more than you can say, you're a mechanic at your old man's shop.
Wesley: Yeah well if Sandra hadn't of gotten pregnant then maybe I would have gone to college like you.
Bill: Sure, with what knowledge, you only graduated at all because you were copying from me.
Wesley: Look we have to find something for my anniversary.
Bill: Well I guess a mall is the best place then.
Wesley: Variety, my friend, variety.
Bill: Do you even know what you are going to get her, do you have the slightest clue what she likes.
Wesley: Yes, but you can't buy that in a store.
Bill: (Rolls his eyes) Well, what about her friends, she still has plenty of them.
Wesley: I don't like her friends.
Bill: Why is that? They don't bother me.
Wesley: Yeah, well you're a bookworm. I don't know why you like to read. Don't you even go outside anymore, play sports, do anything, ever?
Bill: Yes, I go outside, I don't own anything I am willing to ruin, my type of job requires a . . .
Wesley: I know, a suit and tie.
(They pass by a sports good store and Wesley grabs Bill by the arm and drags him inside.)
Wesley: Well then we should find you something to ruin and bring you into a man's world. You're engaged to a woman, you don't have to be one.
Bill: What are you implying? Just because I enjoy reading over playing or watching football . . .
(Wesley looks around and grabs two matching, navy blue warm up pants and sweaters. He walks over to the register and pays the cashier for the clothes. She smiles and puts them in a bag.) Have a wonderful day sir, I hope you enjoy your work out.
(Wesley and Bill walk out of the store and head to a jewelry tore where they both buy diamond necklaces and matching earings for their significant, better halves. Then they exit the mall and walk to Bill's blue, 2006, Lexus. Bill gets in the drivers seat and Wesley gets in, then they put on their seat belts and Bills starts the car. Wesley directs Bill to the park and once parked and out of the car they go to the showers to change.)
(Bill and Wesley finish changed and just before they walk out of the stalls lightning strikes the building making the lights go out for two minutes. The two of them feel weird for a moment then walk over to the sinks close to the showers once the lights come on. They look at their reflections and both let out two high pitched screams.)
Bill: (Looks at his reflection in the mirror to find he is no longer a man, but a teenage girl with long dark brown hair, and a tomboyish figure, face and build, the warm ups are only slightly loose and about a foot to long. Bill steps back and looks at Wesley.)
Wesley: (Looks closely at his new reflection as though it were going to evaporate if he stares at it long enough. Wesley's hair is now blond, two inches longer than shoulder length, and he is immediately reminded of a cheerleader. His clothes are also way too big for his new figure.)
Wesley: What the hell is this?! (His voice now the annoyingly, shrilly and sounds like that of a preppy cheerleader we all hate to love.)
Bill: We should go get our money back for the bewitched outfits you bought! (His new voice now that of a tomboyish teenage girl.)
Wesley: Don't try to blame this on me, your new look fits your personality, a girl.
Bill: Shut up, you look like a cheerleader, and you're married to one. What is going on?
Wesley: How the hell am I supposed to know? You went to Yale, you read endlessly, you tell me!
Bill: Maybe, this is karma, maybe in trying to prove our masculinity we transformed . . .
Wesley: This is real life, this kind of shit can't happen.
Bill: We have to calm down and figure out how to get our old bodies back.
(A tall, six foot eleven inches, tan, built, man walks in with two men nearly his size. They look at Wesley and Bill then the biggest one walks over to them and whistles.) You two ladies looking for some action?
Bill: (Rolls his eyes) Not from some brute like you, let's get out of here. (Wesley and bill grab their other clothes and walk out of the showers. Wesley shoves one into the wall after they grab his ass.)
Bill: That was too close for comfort.
Wesley: If I wasn't in this body I would have beat their asses.
(They walk to Bill's car and get in, Bill has to move the seat forward to reach the gas and brake and he has to adjust his mirrors. They put on their seat-belts and Bill starts the car. They drive out of the parking lot and Bill heads to the center of Chinatown.)
Wesley: Why are we going to Chinatown?
Bill: This may be a curse, maybe a witchdoctor can break it, if we can find one.
Wesley: A witchdoctor, what is this a fantasy book?
Bill: Well do yo have any better ideas miss thing?
Wesley: (makes a fist in his hand and fights the urge to hit Bill.) Fine, but shouldn't we go home first.
Bill: Yeah, let's go home looking like two teenage girls. We should come up with names to go by until we get this fixed.
Wesley: Yeah, lets make names for ourselves, then we can go buy dresses and make up and heels.
Bill: Well, we have to think of better names than Bill and Wesley.
Wesley: Fine, whatever you say college girl.
Bill: Billy and Tiffany for you jackass.
Wesley: Billy and Tiffany? Fine, you be Tiffany, your more of a chick than I am even when you look like a man.
Bill: Shut up Tiffany.
Wesley: I am not going by Tiffany, how about Jaime, it's a trans-gender name.
Bill: (shrugs.) It doesn't matter to me.
(Bill parks the car two blocks from Chinatown and they get out of the car. They walk through most of Chinatown and find nothing. As they pass by some torn and worn, small booths a merchant stops them by grabbing Bill's pants leg, which is now rolles up to his knees.) Wait, you are not as you appear. (The old man appears to be in his late seventies and is wearing clothes befitting a homeless guy. He also has a blindfold on over his eyes, but he appears to be looking right at Bill.)
Wesley: How can you tell with a blindfold on?
Merchant: I can see beyond human sight. A curse you suffer from young man.
Wesley: Great now we are in a book. Some creepy old man knows that I am a man and can see me even though he's blind.
Bill: How do we break this curse?
Merchant: A lesson resides in the curse. Right the wrongs you have committed or simply find the source.
Wesley: How do find the source?
Merchant: Only you know.
Wesley: What kind of answer is that?
Bill: If we knew, we wouldn't be asking.
Merchant: Only one of you is the target of this curse. Two cast this curse upon you, but only the one whom the curse targets knows the one who cast this curse upon them.
Bill: Wait, tell us who was meant to be cursed . . .
(The merchant becomes enveloped in smoke and when it finally clears he is no where in sight. Bill and Wesley look around, but they can find him no where.)
Wesley: Damn that old man!
Bill: Well what did you do?
Wesley: Why me, you are capable of doing wrong as well.
Bill: You've been married for nine years, I'm not married yet.
Wesley: Which makes it more likely that you would do something wrong.
(Two days later at Ramada Hotel.)
Bill: (Walks out of the room wearing a dark red, spaghetti strapped dress, matching high heels and the jewelry he originally bought for his fiance.)
Wesley: What the hell are you wearing?
Bill: A dress stupid, what's it look like?
Wesley: I know it's a dress, why are you wearing a dress?
Bill: Why else, I'm in a woman's body!
Wesley: We have been researching this curse and here you are, turning into a woman!
Bill: It isn't my fault we're stuck this way. Besides, how do I look, I bought this new blush . . .
Wesley: (Gets off the bed and walks out of the room, then he comes back in.) I didn't do this . . .
Bill: You were the one that wanted to go shopping . . . (Takes the bag of their cursed warm ups and looks at the tag on one of them.)
Wesley: What are you doing?
Bill: The tags, they may say what store they are from.
Wesley: Why didn't you think of that before!
Bill: Because . . . it says, 'Sporting Goods,' it's no use,
Wesley: We come up with nothing no matter what we do. Are we seriously going to be stuck like this forever?
Bill: Unless you have another plan.
(Two women sit in the middle of a well furnished bedroom looking into a crystal ball with smiles on their faces. They are both wearing the rings from her husband and fiance. One has dirty blond hair, a soft face, and pale skin that match her blue eyes well. The other has well toned skin and reddish brown hair with jade green eyes. These two women are Sandra and Miranda.)
Sandra: Well maybe they will learn something. If they ever figure out how to turn back into men.
Miranda: Yes, but at least this will teach them not to take us for granted.
Sandra: I'm sorry Bill was caught up in this, he has always been so sweet.
Miranda: Bill will be fine, you should worry about how long it will take Wesley to figure it out.
The End.