HP: Alliances 6
Harry just studied the other boy for a long moment. Draco had no idea what he was truly asking for. Sighing Harry finally spoke, "I did promise to help you no matter what. So I'll do this. But I need sometime. Okay?"
Anger and vindication suddenly filled Draco and he felt as though some credence was finally been given to his belief that he and the old Draco were separate beings. "Because I'm not him, your lover, you'll be cheating and you need time to come to terms with it." Draco's words were so bitter and sure that Harry felt his stomach eating itself.
His body responded to Draco's anger. His own words were short and irritated as he practically hissed at the boy, "No. Because you are ‘him’ and when I look in your eyes I see my lover. But I see that you don't know me. I don't see some fucking stranger; it wouldn't be difficult to go to bed with you if that were the case. I just see you, Draco, and it's ripping me apart. There's not even the slightest spark of recognition in your eyes. And to have you making love to me while you don't even know me is going to hurt."
Still mad Draco said, "Well he didn't love you so how will this be any different?"
He wasn't hitting a nerve: he was tap dancing on it. "Because," Harry said through gritted teeth, "at least when you knew me I could believe that I had seen love in your eyes." He stood abruptly, "I'm going for a walk."
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After pulling on some clothes Draco had left the empty tower. He sauntered into the Slytherin common room still put out over the fight and saw Blaise reading in a darkish corner. Without preamble he explained to his friend what had happened. Once Draco had finished Blaise placed his book in his lap and clasped his hands over it. He was never one to speak without thinking and so he spoke with a measured and slow lilt to his voice, "When your dad hit you, how many times did your brain hit your skull? You’re your IQ go down? Are you under seventy points now? I mean, you asked him to fuck, placed your recovery firmly on his shoulders, he didn't deny you, and you acted like a self-righteous prick when he explained why he was afraid? If you had your memories I would congratulate you on your best mind fuck to date. As it is I think you’re an idiot." He sighed, "I did something sort of similar though. When I told him you had no memories he said that you would be safe and that it was the best possible outcome because at least you would be able to walk. I accused him of not loving you. And he really bared himself to me while explaining how much he felt for you. And I didn't stop attacking him. It's a miracle he didn't hex me into the next world." With a slight smile he said, "Go find him and don't get angry."
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The dark haired boy was sitting by the lake. He stared into the gloomy water. Draco silently sat down next to him, not too close. He placed his hand on the ground between them. "I told you once that I would always protect you. You laughed," said Harry not looking at the blond.
"I'm sorry about before. But I can promise you one thing, I never meant to get lost. I think- I think I was in love with you. And I think I've fallen in love with you again."
"You've only known me for two weeks."
"Do you honestly think that matters?" He sounded so hurt and Harry didn't want to upset Draco.
Calmly he asked, "Why do you think that you loved me?"
"I wouldn't have slept with you otherwise." Harry just looked at him, waiting for more of an answer. "I read my old journals, they weren't very useful. They don't talk about anything real, no thoughts, just events. A lot of it's in code. But I got a few things out of it." He looked at the water, "You were my first. It was too important. I might not know my past but I know how my mind works. Must have loved you. I'm sorry that I asked you to sleep with me. It was stupid and hurtful. I've been taking to Blaise a lot. He told me that you were afraid to be with me for fear I got hurt. But please, don't dump me. I'm in love with you. And I'm scared about everyone coming back and not knowing them. So just stay with me?" He looked at Harry. And he looked so damn young and scared.
Harry reached out and took Draco's hand. Of course he hadn't known that Draco was a virgin. And he suddenly had a little more faith in what they had had. He loved the boy, always had, always would. And now it was time to try and help him. "Not going anywhere. Love you." He raised their linked hands and kissed Draco's knuckles. "Come to bed?"
"Harry, we don't need to-"
"No," Harry smiled, "We don't need to do anything. There's no pressure. Do you think it would help?"
Draco sighed, "I don't know. I grasping at straws. I don't care about most of it. I don't care to remember getting beaten by my dad or miserable family trips. I want to remember you. And no," he put his free hand out to stop Harry from speaking, "I'm not doing this to please you. I'm doing this for me. I want to stop second guessing all my actions. Sometimes I feel like I'm living someone else's life. I was looking at pictures of us and I felt like it was all pretend somehow. Like the real Draco might burst in at any moment and tell me to leave. I want to stop feeling like I'm stealing your attention from someone else. Like we don't really know each other and are playing at being together."
Smiling sadly Harry nodded, and then brightened considerably, "Well then, come upstairs and know me." With a slight smirk that was filled with warmth and happiness as opposed to smug pride Draco leaned over and kissed Harry gently. Reluctantly Harry pulled away after a few moments. "We have to do this right if you want your memories back. We can't kiss on the mouth. It has to be like it used to be. Next time it can be all different if you like, but just this once it has to be like this." He smiled slightly, "You can think of it as some sort of mucky game. You always got off on those." Draco scrunched up his nose and Harry just laughed and kissed the blond's nose.
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Anger and vindication suddenly filled Draco and he felt as though some credence was finally been given to his belief that he and the old Draco were separate beings. "Because I'm not him, your lover, you'll be cheating and you need time to come to terms with it." Draco's words were so bitter and sure that Harry felt his stomach eating itself.
His body responded to Draco's anger. His own words were short and irritated as he practically hissed at the boy, "No. Because you are ‘him’ and when I look in your eyes I see my lover. But I see that you don't know me. I don't see some fucking stranger; it wouldn't be difficult to go to bed with you if that were the case. I just see you, Draco, and it's ripping me apart. There's not even the slightest spark of recognition in your eyes. And to have you making love to me while you don't even know me is going to hurt."
Still mad Draco said, "Well he didn't love you so how will this be any different?"
He wasn't hitting a nerve: he was tap dancing on it. "Because," Harry said through gritted teeth, "at least when you knew me I could believe that I had seen love in your eyes." He stood abruptly, "I'm going for a walk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After pulling on some clothes Draco had left the empty tower. He sauntered into the Slytherin common room still put out over the fight and saw Blaise reading in a darkish corner. Without preamble he explained to his friend what had happened. Once Draco had finished Blaise placed his book in his lap and clasped his hands over it. He was never one to speak without thinking and so he spoke with a measured and slow lilt to his voice, "When your dad hit you, how many times did your brain hit your skull? You’re your IQ go down? Are you under seventy points now? I mean, you asked him to fuck, placed your recovery firmly on his shoulders, he didn't deny you, and you acted like a self-righteous prick when he explained why he was afraid? If you had your memories I would congratulate you on your best mind fuck to date. As it is I think you’re an idiot." He sighed, "I did something sort of similar though. When I told him you had no memories he said that you would be safe and that it was the best possible outcome because at least you would be able to walk. I accused him of not loving you. And he really bared himself to me while explaining how much he felt for you. And I didn't stop attacking him. It's a miracle he didn't hex me into the next world." With a slight smile he said, "Go find him and don't get angry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dark haired boy was sitting by the lake. He stared into the gloomy water. Draco silently sat down next to him, not too close. He placed his hand on the ground between them. "I told you once that I would always protect you. You laughed," said Harry not looking at the blond.
"I'm sorry about before. But I can promise you one thing, I never meant to get lost. I think- I think I was in love with you. And I think I've fallen in love with you again."
"You've only known me for two weeks."
"Do you honestly think that matters?" He sounded so hurt and Harry didn't want to upset Draco.
Calmly he asked, "Why do you think that you loved me?"
"I wouldn't have slept with you otherwise." Harry just looked at him, waiting for more of an answer. "I read my old journals, they weren't very useful. They don't talk about anything real, no thoughts, just events. A lot of it's in code. But I got a few things out of it." He looked at the water, "You were my first. It was too important. I might not know my past but I know how my mind works. Must have loved you. I'm sorry that I asked you to sleep with me. It was stupid and hurtful. I've been taking to Blaise a lot. He told me that you were afraid to be with me for fear I got hurt. But please, don't dump me. I'm in love with you. And I'm scared about everyone coming back and not knowing them. So just stay with me?" He looked at Harry. And he looked so damn young and scared.
Harry reached out and took Draco's hand. Of course he hadn't known that Draco was a virgin. And he suddenly had a little more faith in what they had had. He loved the boy, always had, always would. And now it was time to try and help him. "Not going anywhere. Love you." He raised their linked hands and kissed Draco's knuckles. "Come to bed?"
"Harry, we don't need to-"
"No," Harry smiled, "We don't need to do anything. There's no pressure. Do you think it would help?"
Draco sighed, "I don't know. I grasping at straws. I don't care about most of it. I don't care to remember getting beaten by my dad or miserable family trips. I want to remember you. And no," he put his free hand out to stop Harry from speaking, "I'm not doing this to please you. I'm doing this for me. I want to stop second guessing all my actions. Sometimes I feel like I'm living someone else's life. I was looking at pictures of us and I felt like it was all pretend somehow. Like the real Draco might burst in at any moment and tell me to leave. I want to stop feeling like I'm stealing your attention from someone else. Like we don't really know each other and are playing at being together."
Smiling sadly Harry nodded, and then brightened considerably, "Well then, come upstairs and know me." With a slight smirk that was filled with warmth and happiness as opposed to smug pride Draco leaned over and kissed Harry gently. Reluctantly Harry pulled away after a few moments. "We have to do this right if you want your memories back. We can't kiss on the mouth. It has to be like it used to be. Next time it can be all different if you like, but just this once it has to be like this." He smiled slightly, "You can think of it as some sort of mucky game. You always got off on those." Draco scrunched up his nose and Harry just laughed and kissed the blond's nose.
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