A new fic?! What's wrong with me...
I was on a block for Sophomore year, so I tried to type up some other plunnies that kept popping into my head...to get over my writer's block. Instead, I came up with a somewhat random, somewhat smutty and mostly crackish (read: OOC) oneshot fic. Sigh...I need plunnies I can actually finish ^_^;;
Hope you enjoy despite the crackage!
Title: Sharing
Pairing: JaeHoMin
Rating: R
Yunho understood Changmin. At least, he understood him in that he knew what it was like to be the older brother and to feel responsible for everything. Heck, he was the designated band leader after all. They both knew what needed to get done each day, and they both understood what accountability meant. Maybe Changmin hadn't gone through the same types of struggles Yunho had, but they both understood that personal effort, hard work, and dedication were the only things you could control in life. And those were the only things that could even remotely guarantee some form of success and stability in life.
Yet understanding this aspect didn't mean he could always read Changmin. There were certain moments when Changmin would go into his own world, his own deliberations without anyone else really being able to follow. So despite the logic and framework Changmin had, only Jaejoong or Yoochun could pull Changmin back to this world. He might be on the balcony, deep in thought, staring off into the distance. In these moments, Yunho only knew that Changmin was far, far away ruminating and deliberating. On what, he had no idea. But soon Jaejoong or Yoochun would sidle next to Changmin, either through a playful gesture or a comforting silence. And then he could see Changmin slowly open up and expose something of his inner thoughts. Somehow, their own inherent form of naturalness, of carefree laidback attitude could perfectly disarm Changmin's barrier.
Perhaps that was the reason why he felt so comfortable with Jae. He didn't need to prepare or think before speaking and he didn't need to worry about saying something pointless because Jae was the type of person to take everything into stride without overanalyzing. He let it all come and wash over, without pointing to each detail. He could be silly in a way that was comfortable for Yunho and he could be silly in a way that was comfortable for Changmin. They might do random singing exercises or impressions, while Jae and Changmin would often play fight and roughhouse.
It was strange, because Junsu knew him the longest but Jae was probably the closest. Yunho couldn't really open up to Changmin because they were the same, too alike. Too used to the fact that they had to be independent and responsible and keep everything inside. Yes, he could see parts of himself in Changmin, but at the same time, it made him realize even more that they would have a hard time opening up and really understanding each other.
So now, he wasn't quite sure what to make of his current situation. For the past several weeks, he had found himself increasingly wanting to always have time with Jae, to be able to spend moments with him alone. Yet increasingly, he would find Changmin with Jae often tickling or acting like little kids in the kitchen leaving him frustrated and annoyed.
The dreams at night weren't really helping either.
But what really threw Yunho off was when Changmin started appearing in his dreams too. At first, Changmin would be with Jae while Yunho could only seethe in the corner, alone and unwanted. Yet these dreams slowly changed where Changmin would be kissing Jae passionately and suddenly look straight at Yunho daring him to do something. Instead of ripping Changmin's arms away from Jae's body, he would find himself simply staring at Jae's writhing body watching Changmin tease moans and whimpers from Jae all the while staring intently on Yunho. And he would find himself increasingly aroused until he couldn't take it anymore, often stalking towards them and kissing Changmin senseless while sandwiching Jae in the middle.
Yunho knew that he shouldn't really be having such thoughts about his bandmates. Yet every night, his dreams would create some new situation or fantasy. One time, he dreamed about an especially trying dance practice leaving them all sweaty and tired. He was about to grab the elevator with Jae to go down and pick up drinks for everyone when Changmin had slid in also. Narrowing his eyes slightly, Yunho looked questioningly at Changmin, who only smiled. Suddenly, he felt Jae's hands teasing his hips from behind while Changmin approached him. Moaning at Jae's touch, Yunho jumped a little when Changmin pushed their crotches together, grinding and rubbing both of them to hardness. He felt Jae push him from behind, a hot, hard heat forming solidly against his ass as Changmin teased at his mouth with tongue flicks. Needless to say, they found themselves fucking in that small elevator only too glad that there was an emergency stop button. And of course, Yunho would wake up needing to use the shower. Again.
Or another time, Yunho had dreamed that he had woken up blindfolded and splayed across the bed, his arms and legs tied to the bedposts. Soft delicate teases soon turned to harsh pinches and sucking, leaving him whimpering and heaving for more. He soon found himself filled, full from both ends with his mouth sucking hard on Changmin's cock while Jae pounded him over and over.
Even when he was showering, daydreams would interrupt his normal thoughts forcing him to jerk off quickly and wash off in cold water. He wasn't quite sure how long he could last with such thoughts, especially considering that at this point, they were at most friends. Close friends? He wasn't quite sure. Yes, they knew about each other's families and how they both struggled to make it in Seoul, but Jae also had a funny way of closing off certain parts of him. And then there was Changmin. Who knew what that boy was thinking sometimes...Yunho didn't know what to really make of the situation. He just hoped things would pass and that this was all just his hormones making him desperate.
Of course, fate was not so kind.
*************************************************
It was Friday night and it had been a long week. Amazingly, the next morning was free. Yunho was feeling rather tired that day, and decided against Micky's offer of going out to grab dinner and maybe go bar hopping. He knew he should go and be sociable, but his body felt lethargic for some reason. Also, he didn't really need to see the Micky and Junsu grinding show - sometimes their happiness got to be a little too much for Yunho, even though he'd never show it. He wasn't sure what everyone else was doing (for once, he was feeling lazy and slightly irresponsible), but all he wanted to do was lounge on the sofa and watch the movie he had borrowed from Donghae a couple of days ago.
It was with some surprise then when he saw Jae and Min on the sofa giggling and laughing over something on Min's laptop. Feeling hurt for some reason, Yunho was about to turn around to go when Jae called out,
"Yunho?"
"Oh, uh, hey guys!" Yunho said in what he hoped was a normal voice. "What are you watching?"
"Some silly gameshow Min downloaded off a Japanese site. They're doing some pretty crazy things," Jae replied. His cheeks were slightly red after laughing so much. And highly appealing, Yunho's inner mind added.
"Ah." Yunho looked down a bit, feeling a little silly hiding his laptop behind his back.
"Were you going to watch a movie or something?" Min asked, leaning forward to look at Yunho's laptop more closely.
"Mmm, yeah, something Donghae gave me. Anyway, I'll just watch it in the bedroom so you guys can continue with whatever you're watching." Yunho started walking towards the door.
He failed to notice Jae's eyes upon mentioning Donghae, which were now slightly narrowed. But Min beat him to the punch.
"What's the movie? Maybe we can all watch it."
Yunho wasn't sure if sitting with the two guys frequently featured in his dreams would help his current state. Especially considering that the couch was rather snug with three guys. Then again, he knew that hearing Jae and Min laughing on the couch and playing in the living room while he was in the bedroom wouldn't make him feel any better either.
"It's 300. It's supposed to be really good," Yunho said.
"Sure, let's do it," Jae said.
"Yes. Sit here!" and with that Min pointed to the space in between him and Jae. Yunho felt a little awkward, but it shouldn't be too bad he thought. After all, 300 was supposed to be rather violent and graphic. Setting up his computer, he hit play as he sat back on the couch. For some reason, he felt like he was on his first date with sweaty palms and thumping heart.
The movie definitely lived up to his expectations of violence and fighting. What he wasn't expecting, however, was the blunt show of masculinity, of toned muscled men battling viciously as the sweat poured down their bodies mixed with blood. It was erotic in some ways despite the gore, a somewhat graceful power that Yunho wasn't quite expecting to find. He squirmed a little to find himself focusing on this and hoped that Jae and Min wouldn't notice his discomfort.
Trying to calm himself, he leaned back and put his arms behind his head intertwining his fingers. He sensed Jae looking at him curiously, but focused on the movie instead. Min was totally immersed, leaning forward a bit to stare at the screen. Min wouldn't even look away when reaching for the popcorn bowl, looking almost like a little kid. Yunho smiled to himself slightly.
Some hours later, Yunho found himself slouched on the couch with his legs propped up on the table. Min was in the kitchen rooting for snacks while Jae was stretching. He reached high, letting his shirt hike up revealing just how low his sweats had gone with a slight jut of pelvic bone. Jae's eyes were closed and his expression was of pure bliss.
Yunho swallowed. Hard.
"Hyuuuuunng, there's nothing to eat~" pouted Min. "Can we get ice cream?" Puppy eyes pleaded at Jae.
"No Min, it's too late for that. Anyway, don't we have other snacks?" Jae said.
"I guess…" Yunho couldn't help but chuckle a little at Min's expression.
"Yah! What's so funny?" Min demanded, but this just made Yunho crack up even more. For some reason, things just felt slightly ridiculous and he found himself laughing it all out.
"Yunho? You okay?" Jae cocked his head to the side and was staring at him.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just been one of those days you know? Anyway, don't mind me," Yunho said. Jae and Min simply looked at each other, and Min shrugged his shoulders.
Yunho set about shutting down his laptop, popping out the DVD and unplugging the power cables. He was about to head towards his room when he felt warmth hugging him from behind. A little shocked, Yunho cleared his throat, trying his best to act nonchalant.
"Jae?"
"Hmmm? You just seem a little out of it these days. You okay?"
"Yeah hyung, like yesterday during our dance practice," Min added while munching on a banana, the only food he could find that he didn't have to cook.
"It's nothing guys, just a little tired that's all. It's been a long week, so time to relax, right?" Yunho was trying to turn around and discretely extract Jae's hand off his body. Jae, however, wasn't too keen on letting go. Min just kept looking at him, which made Yunho feel even more uncomfortable. Uncanny how that kid could discern the truth sometimes and Yunho didn't want to deal with that right now.
"I should probably hit the sack early anyway," Yunho said, finally managing to free himself of Jae's hands. "Just try not to be too loud," he added, smiling a bit despite feeling a little frustrated and annoyed at himself for not being able to say the truth.
"But..." Jae's voice rang out towards him, but Yunho simply shook his head smiling again and waved goodnight.
********************************************************
Of course, when one decides to sleep at 8PM instead of the usual 1 AM, it would only be natural that one would wake up in the middle of the night. Yunho felt groggy and he turned towards the clock to see it was 2 AM. He had had another one of his dreams again and was now aroused and frustrated. At the very least, it hadn't been a wet dream, but Yunho was far too horny to really count that as a blessing. Sighing, and deciding that it wasn't going to go away, he slowly got up. Gingerly walking towards the kitchen, Yunho decided that he was a little hungry too.
Eyes widened considerably when Yunho entered the kitchen. He saw Jae leaning towards Min, who was slouched against the counter. Min looked slightly nervous, but he had a cocky grin and was looking at Jae slyly. Yunho saw Min's eyes squeeze shut instinctively as Jae pressed his lips against Min. It was at first a teasing soft kiss, as Jae slowly coaxed Min's mouth open. Yet it slowly turned to more as Jae ground his hips into Min and Min tightened his hold onto Jae's hair.
Damn. Yunho was trying desperately not to make any noise and wishing he could be anywhere but here. He swiftly walked away, not really caring any more if Jae or Min heard him. He heard some shuffles and some voices but he went to his room and quickly shut his door.
He felt uncertain and confused, which quickly grew to frustration and anger. Then again, what had he actually planned to do about his dreams anyway? Try to make them true? At least he knew that both his counterparts didn't mind kissing guys...Yunho's thoughts were jumbling about. And of course, he was still just as aroused as before. Maybe he could pretend that nothing had happened. After all, they hadn't seen him and maybe Micky or Junsu had come home by now. Fucking hell. If only things could just stay in the same moment as they were before, where he could think that there was no chance for him at all.
He heard a slight tapping and the sounds of muted voices. Making himself absolutely still, he pretended to be sleeping.
"Yunho?" Yunho held his breath. He could see a sliver of hallway light peek through as Min opened the door.
"Maybe it wasn't anything Minnie."
"I thought I heard something though."
"He's probably asleep to the world; you know how he can sleep anywhere."
"Yeah, that's true but..."
"Anyway," and here Yunho heard a slight intake of breath "I want to continue what we started."
"Mmph~~S-sure, just maybe we should do it in your room."
He heard some more pants and shuffling as footsteps walked away from his door.
Double damn. Now how was he supposed to go to sleep? He was torn between fantasizing again or just punching his fist through the wall in frustration.
********************
"Junsu! Stop taking all my pancakes!"
"Min, you've had like five stacks already. I need some too!"
Yunho woke to the sounds of the youngest two bickering. Groaning slightly, he pulled the pillow over his head.
"I'm making more so stop fighting already. Is Yunho up yet? He went to sleep early so I thought he'd be up for sure...Hey Micky, can you check if he's awake? He's not going to get any breakfast unless he wakes up soon."
"Sure Jae."
Yunho heard footsteps approaching his door and soon Micky's knocking on his door.
"Yunho? You up man? You better be, or else you'll miss breakfast and Min and Junsu have already eaten like a million stacks. C'mon, you're the only one who can convince Jae to make more-I've eaten like two. Hello?"
Yunho had to smile in spite of feeling exhausted. He hauled himself up and unlocked the door, revealing a cool Micky leaning against the door frame edge.
"Finally man. You slept like forever! But...your eyes still seem bloodshot--" Micky noted.
"It's fine! Thanks for the wakeup call. Wouldn't want to miss Jae's pancakes," Yunho said, slinging his arm across Micky's shoulders.
"I know right? Those two have been going at it, it's ridiculous." Micky pouted for effect. Yunho just laughed.
They walked in to the kitchen, seeing Min trying to reach for Junsu's plate as Junsu was shoveling food into his mouth out of Min's reach.
"Just another typical morning I see," Yunho said though he couldn't quite look up to meet Jae's glance.
"Mmm, except you woke up pretty late. Here, I saved a stack for you," Jae said handing him a plate.
"Hey! Why don't I get one?" Micky exclaimed.
"I have yours too, don't worry," and Jae handed him another plate.
Yunho sat next to Min, who gave him a rather silly grin as pancake pieces covered his teeth.
"Ith gud stuff! Hab lots!" Min was acting silly. Yunho tried to look happy, but he just wasn't feeling great. He consoled himself by saying that today was a free day, and slowly started poking at his breakfast.
"Yunho, what are you up to today?" Jae asked.
"I'm…not really sure…" Maybe moping for a few hours and dancing all the angst away? Yunho wryly grinned; he was sounding more and more like a forlorn teenage girl.
"I was thinking of taking a drive to the beach with Changmin. Junsu and Micky were going to go to the amusement park."
Yunho thought. Maybe this would be the chance to talk to Jae…and figure out how exactly to address this situation.
"Hyung, you should come with us!" Min said after swallowing an ungodly amount of food.
"We can get those special lemon popsicles you like so much~" Jae added.
Ah screw it. Might as well go and try to figure things out.
"Sure. Let's leave in like 20 minutes?"
"Sounds good!"
***********************************
Though Jae was often the one to drive, Yunho said he would. It was nice to feel the breeze and to coast along the road. Min was sprawled on the backseat, looking up at the sky while Jae was fiddling with the radio.
"It's going to be a beautiful day out there folks, not a cloud in the sky--"
"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend--"
"It's a beautiful lie/It's a perfect denial--"
"And the game is tied now, with Ortiz stepping up to the plate--"
"Poppin' champagne, livin' the life in the fast lane--"
"Jae, just pick something," Min said.
"Fine, fine," and Jae left it on Rihanna's Umbrella.
They didn't really talk, simply enjoying the view as they drove down the roads. Yunho wished he could stay in that one moment, simple and carefree.
"Yunho? You never really answered my question last night," Jae quietly said.
What question? Last night? Yunho racked his brain. Of course, his brain decided that re-living the Jae and Min kissing moment was more important. Stupid brain.
"Is there really nothing going on?" Jae continued.
Yunho swallowed. He quickly glanced up at his rear view mirror to see that Min had fallen asleep.
"W-what do you mean Jae?"
"I know you. The things that make you happy aren't making you happy anymore and you're more tired and distracted than usual. Yunnie, you're not really acting like yourself."
Yunho sighed. He wasn't really the type to talk about his problems openly, but Jae kept looking at him intently not willing to step down. These were the times Jae really seemed like the mom of the group.
"It's...complicated," Yunho sighed again. "Let's just say things suddenly changed and I'm not sure where I stand on the issue." Yunho smiled, but it was a slightly sad, bitter smile. "But! I'm working on it now, so don't worry too much," he added plastering a grin on his face.
Jae didn't look too satisfied, but Min chose at that exact moment to wake up and loudly exclaim, "Are we there? Are those stands I see before me??"
Yunho laughed, if not a little awkwardly.
********************
Yunho was sucking on a popsicle. Correction, he had it tucked on the side of his mouth, rather dejectedly pushing it in and out as Jae and Min were looking at other food stands. He was no closer to a strategy compared to this morning, and was feeling frustrated with himself.
"Yunho? Yunho? Hello?" Min was waving his hand in front of Yunho's face, but Yunho didn't seem to notice.
He did, however, jerk in surprise when he felt a distinctively wet sensation lathe across his knuckles.
"J-jae?" Yes, his voice cracked too.
"You were distracted and the liquid kept going down your hand. It'd be a waste," Jae said with a smirk.
"Ah, um, yeah. Sure," Yunho couldn't quite think, much less really speak. Min just looked bemused.
"Just forget about whatever's bothering you and finish up that popsicle already so we can go swimming," Jae said, pulling on Yunho's arm. Yunho was about to retort that his problem had increased tenfold, but the words disappeared when he saw how serious Jae looked. "Just be happy like a little kid for once," Jae said. "You'll figure it out."
Yunho nodded. Perhaps he was over thinking things, which was something he often left to Changmin. Perking up a little, he eagerly finished his popsicle while watching Jae and Min taunt each other and splash around trying to get the other wet first.
Carefully sneaking behind the two (who were too intent on each other), Yunho suddenly pushed them both in the water to watch them sputter and cough at him in indignation. Yunho grinned wide, but started backing away when he saw Jae and Min approaching him with evil looks.
He failed miserably as they both pulled him quickly, dunking him into the cold water. He came up laughing, and shivering slightly as his body slowly adjusted to the water.
Jae was right to some extent; Yunho found himself regressing into enjoying the simple, tactile joys he hadn't really allowed himself in the past months. Letting the waves lift him up or racing to the jetty against Changmin, Yunho let himself forget and simply feel. It *was* nice to just act like a kid.
Yunho flopped down on the towel. He was tired, but content. He closed his eyes and let the sun slowly warm his body.
"If only we could stay like this forever," Yunho said to himself.
"You know, we can in some respect hyung," Min said.
Yunho jumped a little, not realizing that Changmin had sat next to him on the towel.
They sat there in some silence, until Min started again.
"It's funny you know, Jae just always has his own way of doing things." Yunho looked over to find Min looking rather seriously to where Jae was playing with some kids.
"I never really knew what to make of him. At first, I thought he was really distant. Too cool, and cold. And he's the oldest you know? But he has such a silly side to him too, and also very caring in his own way. He cooks, he gives hugs, he listens...I just never really thought that he'd actually understand any of the things I'm thinking, but yet somehow he just knows. Strange, huh?" Here, Min quirked a little grin to Yunho who simply nodded.
"I guess...whatever it is you're thinking about, I'm sure Jae will understand. I know you're my hyung and all, but you have been acting...different recently and I know he's the best one for that sort of thing...in terms of listening and all."
"Anyway! We need our leader in top shape, so!" Min was looking down a little, making grooves in the sand. He looked a little embarrassed, but there was a sense of determination there too.
Yunho felt a little overwhelmed. He never really thought of what others might be thinking of him or that they might be worrying about him; he just wanted to make sure everyone else was doing okay. But hearing Changmin's words made him feel a little guilty for worrying them all.
He wasn't quite sure what prompted him to do it, but there was something in the way Min was poking at the sand with slightly red cheeks.
"Thanks Min," he said, giving him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulders and a quick peck on the cheek. Min looked a little surprised, but grinned back at Yunho.
"Hey guys, you about ready to go? I have to stock up the fridge again, because somebody thought three midnight snacks were in order," Jae teased.
"Hey! I'm a growing boy. I need my snacks. Anyway, you're guilty too~" Min retorted.
Jae blushed a little but just pushed at Min, leading to another round of smacks and punches.
Min raced ahead to the car, while Yunho hung back to walk with Jae.
"Hey Jae? Can we talk tonight?"
"Sure. Anytime~"
*******************
Yunho fidgeted. Min was playing games on his computer and Jae was putting some dishes away. He had offered to help, but was immediately shooed out.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"About…what you asked me today…" Yunho started. He got up and went over toward the kitchen sink. Leaning against the counter, he looked over towards Jae.
"Mmhmm…and?" Jae was wiping down the surface, carefully gathering all the crumbs into the trashcan.
"I saw you and Min...in the kitchen," Yunho said.
Jae went completely still. He was biting his lip, not quite looking at Yunho.
"Ah...I see..."
"I just wanted to say, I'm totally fine with it and that I just want you guys to be happy and all," Yunho continued. After all, he didn't want to get in the middle of things and mess everything up.
"You...are?" Jae was looking at him oddly.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"For sure?"
"YES, Jae. Why are you asking so much?"
"You're about to shred that dish towel into pieces if you keep pulling it like that," Jae pointed out.
With a sheepish expression, Yunho immediately pushed the towel away from his grip.
"You know, you can always tell me the truth too," Jae quietly said.
"What do you mean?" His hands were itching to occupy themselves, but he knew better than to let Jae in on his inner anxiety.
"Well, I'll let you figure that one out. But I'll always listen to you Yunho...and let you know honestly what I think. Even if you feel...awkward with my relationship with Changmin, I'll always be there for you."
Yunho felt a little guilty. There was also a strange ache in his chest.
"I guess...I'm a little bit jealous to be honest," he heard himself say in a small voice. "It's been a while since we just hung out and talked by ourselves. Aish, I'm sounding silly..." Yunho said.
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?"
"True..."
He felt Jae move towards him. Nervous, he jumped a little when Jae hugged him.
"I don't think Changmin would mind sharing..."
"Wouldn't mind sharing what?" Yunho whipped his head around to see Changmin standing in the doorway. Feeling like he had been caught, Yunho quickly pushed Jae away.
*****************
They ambushed him. Yunho didn't know how they figured out he was there. After all, they had been kissing each other rather intensely. He had seen them through the crack of the bedroom door, and immediately looked down. But when he looked up again, the door had suddenly opened and both of them had looked entirely too smug. Yunho gulped.
"How long were you planning on just watching us, hyung?" Yunho was dismayed to find Min's voice to be deeper, a little huskier than usual.
"See Yunnie, I told you he wouldn't mind," Jae added.
and with that, they both pounced.
********************
Yunho stared at the ceiling. He still wasn't sure what had transpired, but he knew for sure that his ass was still sore and his mouth was thoroughly abused. But he couldn't help the idiotic grin on his face, even when Yoochun and Junsu had burst in demanding to know what all the noise was before immediately shrieking (well, mostly Junsu) and stammering apologies. Changmin had been bright red, Jae was nonchalant, and Yunho was too blissfully content to even realize that the door had opened.
He looked over at Jae, who had decided a nap was in order, holding Yunho's hand tightly to his chest while resting on Changmin's lap. Changmin was reading, his glasses perched at the edge of his nose, while carefully flipping through the pages. Yunho caught Min's glance, and they shared a smile, while looking at the peaceful, sleeping Jae.
"Guess he knows more about us than we ever suspected," Yunho began.
"He always has hyung," Changmin finished.
Hope you enjoy despite the crackage!
Title: Sharing
Pairing: JaeHoMin
Rating: R
Yunho understood Changmin. At least, he understood him in that he knew what it was like to be the older brother and to feel responsible for everything. Heck, he was the designated band leader after all. They both knew what needed to get done each day, and they both understood what accountability meant. Maybe Changmin hadn't gone through the same types of struggles Yunho had, but they both understood that personal effort, hard work, and dedication were the only things you could control in life. And those were the only things that could even remotely guarantee some form of success and stability in life.
Yet understanding this aspect didn't mean he could always read Changmin. There were certain moments when Changmin would go into his own world, his own deliberations without anyone else really being able to follow. So despite the logic and framework Changmin had, only Jaejoong or Yoochun could pull Changmin back to this world. He might be on the balcony, deep in thought, staring off into the distance. In these moments, Yunho only knew that Changmin was far, far away ruminating and deliberating. On what, he had no idea. But soon Jaejoong or Yoochun would sidle next to Changmin, either through a playful gesture or a comforting silence. And then he could see Changmin slowly open up and expose something of his inner thoughts. Somehow, their own inherent form of naturalness, of carefree laidback attitude could perfectly disarm Changmin's barrier.
Perhaps that was the reason why he felt so comfortable with Jae. He didn't need to prepare or think before speaking and he didn't need to worry about saying something pointless because Jae was the type of person to take everything into stride without overanalyzing. He let it all come and wash over, without pointing to each detail. He could be silly in a way that was comfortable for Yunho and he could be silly in a way that was comfortable for Changmin. They might do random singing exercises or impressions, while Jae and Changmin would often play fight and roughhouse.
It was strange, because Junsu knew him the longest but Jae was probably the closest. Yunho couldn't really open up to Changmin because they were the same, too alike. Too used to the fact that they had to be independent and responsible and keep everything inside. Yes, he could see parts of himself in Changmin, but at the same time, it made him realize even more that they would have a hard time opening up and really understanding each other.
So now, he wasn't quite sure what to make of his current situation. For the past several weeks, he had found himself increasingly wanting to always have time with Jae, to be able to spend moments with him alone. Yet increasingly, he would find Changmin with Jae often tickling or acting like little kids in the kitchen leaving him frustrated and annoyed.
The dreams at night weren't really helping either.
But what really threw Yunho off was when Changmin started appearing in his dreams too. At first, Changmin would be with Jae while Yunho could only seethe in the corner, alone and unwanted. Yet these dreams slowly changed where Changmin would be kissing Jae passionately and suddenly look straight at Yunho daring him to do something. Instead of ripping Changmin's arms away from Jae's body, he would find himself simply staring at Jae's writhing body watching Changmin tease moans and whimpers from Jae all the while staring intently on Yunho. And he would find himself increasingly aroused until he couldn't take it anymore, often stalking towards them and kissing Changmin senseless while sandwiching Jae in the middle.
Yunho knew that he shouldn't really be having such thoughts about his bandmates. Yet every night, his dreams would create some new situation or fantasy. One time, he dreamed about an especially trying dance practice leaving them all sweaty and tired. He was about to grab the elevator with Jae to go down and pick up drinks for everyone when Changmin had slid in also. Narrowing his eyes slightly, Yunho looked questioningly at Changmin, who only smiled. Suddenly, he felt Jae's hands teasing his hips from behind while Changmin approached him. Moaning at Jae's touch, Yunho jumped a little when Changmin pushed their crotches together, grinding and rubbing both of them to hardness. He felt Jae push him from behind, a hot, hard heat forming solidly against his ass as Changmin teased at his mouth with tongue flicks. Needless to say, they found themselves fucking in that small elevator only too glad that there was an emergency stop button. And of course, Yunho would wake up needing to use the shower. Again.
Or another time, Yunho had dreamed that he had woken up blindfolded and splayed across the bed, his arms and legs tied to the bedposts. Soft delicate teases soon turned to harsh pinches and sucking, leaving him whimpering and heaving for more. He soon found himself filled, full from both ends with his mouth sucking hard on Changmin's cock while Jae pounded him over and over.
Even when he was showering, daydreams would interrupt his normal thoughts forcing him to jerk off quickly and wash off in cold water. He wasn't quite sure how long he could last with such thoughts, especially considering that at this point, they were at most friends. Close friends? He wasn't quite sure. Yes, they knew about each other's families and how they both struggled to make it in Seoul, but Jae also had a funny way of closing off certain parts of him. And then there was Changmin. Who knew what that boy was thinking sometimes...Yunho didn't know what to really make of the situation. He just hoped things would pass and that this was all just his hormones making him desperate.
Of course, fate was not so kind.
*************************************************
It was Friday night and it had been a long week. Amazingly, the next morning was free. Yunho was feeling rather tired that day, and decided against Micky's offer of going out to grab dinner and maybe go bar hopping. He knew he should go and be sociable, but his body felt lethargic for some reason. Also, he didn't really need to see the Micky and Junsu grinding show - sometimes their happiness got to be a little too much for Yunho, even though he'd never show it. He wasn't sure what everyone else was doing (for once, he was feeling lazy and slightly irresponsible), but all he wanted to do was lounge on the sofa and watch the movie he had borrowed from Donghae a couple of days ago.
It was with some surprise then when he saw Jae and Min on the sofa giggling and laughing over something on Min's laptop. Feeling hurt for some reason, Yunho was about to turn around to go when Jae called out,
"Yunho?"
"Oh, uh, hey guys!" Yunho said in what he hoped was a normal voice. "What are you watching?"
"Some silly gameshow Min downloaded off a Japanese site. They're doing some pretty crazy things," Jae replied. His cheeks were slightly red after laughing so much. And highly appealing, Yunho's inner mind added.
"Ah." Yunho looked down a bit, feeling a little silly hiding his laptop behind his back.
"Were you going to watch a movie or something?" Min asked, leaning forward to look at Yunho's laptop more closely.
"Mmm, yeah, something Donghae gave me. Anyway, I'll just watch it in the bedroom so you guys can continue with whatever you're watching." Yunho started walking towards the door.
He failed to notice Jae's eyes upon mentioning Donghae, which were now slightly narrowed. But Min beat him to the punch.
"What's the movie? Maybe we can all watch it."
Yunho wasn't sure if sitting with the two guys frequently featured in his dreams would help his current state. Especially considering that the couch was rather snug with three guys. Then again, he knew that hearing Jae and Min laughing on the couch and playing in the living room while he was in the bedroom wouldn't make him feel any better either.
"It's 300. It's supposed to be really good," Yunho said.
"Sure, let's do it," Jae said.
"Yes. Sit here!" and with that Min pointed to the space in between him and Jae. Yunho felt a little awkward, but it shouldn't be too bad he thought. After all, 300 was supposed to be rather violent and graphic. Setting up his computer, he hit play as he sat back on the couch. For some reason, he felt like he was on his first date with sweaty palms and thumping heart.
The movie definitely lived up to his expectations of violence and fighting. What he wasn't expecting, however, was the blunt show of masculinity, of toned muscled men battling viciously as the sweat poured down their bodies mixed with blood. It was erotic in some ways despite the gore, a somewhat graceful power that Yunho wasn't quite expecting to find. He squirmed a little to find himself focusing on this and hoped that Jae and Min wouldn't notice his discomfort.
Trying to calm himself, he leaned back and put his arms behind his head intertwining his fingers. He sensed Jae looking at him curiously, but focused on the movie instead. Min was totally immersed, leaning forward a bit to stare at the screen. Min wouldn't even look away when reaching for the popcorn bowl, looking almost like a little kid. Yunho smiled to himself slightly.
Some hours later, Yunho found himself slouched on the couch with his legs propped up on the table. Min was in the kitchen rooting for snacks while Jae was stretching. He reached high, letting his shirt hike up revealing just how low his sweats had gone with a slight jut of pelvic bone. Jae's eyes were closed and his expression was of pure bliss.
Yunho swallowed. Hard.
"Hyuuuuunng, there's nothing to eat~" pouted Min. "Can we get ice cream?" Puppy eyes pleaded at Jae.
"No Min, it's too late for that. Anyway, don't we have other snacks?" Jae said.
"I guess…" Yunho couldn't help but chuckle a little at Min's expression.
"Yah! What's so funny?" Min demanded, but this just made Yunho crack up even more. For some reason, things just felt slightly ridiculous and he found himself laughing it all out.
"Yunho? You okay?" Jae cocked his head to the side and was staring at him.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just been one of those days you know? Anyway, don't mind me," Yunho said. Jae and Min simply looked at each other, and Min shrugged his shoulders.
Yunho set about shutting down his laptop, popping out the DVD and unplugging the power cables. He was about to head towards his room when he felt warmth hugging him from behind. A little shocked, Yunho cleared his throat, trying his best to act nonchalant.
"Jae?"
"Hmmm? You just seem a little out of it these days. You okay?"
"Yeah hyung, like yesterday during our dance practice," Min added while munching on a banana, the only food he could find that he didn't have to cook.
"It's nothing guys, just a little tired that's all. It's been a long week, so time to relax, right?" Yunho was trying to turn around and discretely extract Jae's hand off his body. Jae, however, wasn't too keen on letting go. Min just kept looking at him, which made Yunho feel even more uncomfortable. Uncanny how that kid could discern the truth sometimes and Yunho didn't want to deal with that right now.
"I should probably hit the sack early anyway," Yunho said, finally managing to free himself of Jae's hands. "Just try not to be too loud," he added, smiling a bit despite feeling a little frustrated and annoyed at himself for not being able to say the truth.
"But..." Jae's voice rang out towards him, but Yunho simply shook his head smiling again and waved goodnight.
********************************************************
Of course, when one decides to sleep at 8PM instead of the usual 1 AM, it would only be natural that one would wake up in the middle of the night. Yunho felt groggy and he turned towards the clock to see it was 2 AM. He had had another one of his dreams again and was now aroused and frustrated. At the very least, it hadn't been a wet dream, but Yunho was far too horny to really count that as a blessing. Sighing, and deciding that it wasn't going to go away, he slowly got up. Gingerly walking towards the kitchen, Yunho decided that he was a little hungry too.
Eyes widened considerably when Yunho entered the kitchen. He saw Jae leaning towards Min, who was slouched against the counter. Min looked slightly nervous, but he had a cocky grin and was looking at Jae slyly. Yunho saw Min's eyes squeeze shut instinctively as Jae pressed his lips against Min. It was at first a teasing soft kiss, as Jae slowly coaxed Min's mouth open. Yet it slowly turned to more as Jae ground his hips into Min and Min tightened his hold onto Jae's hair.
Damn. Yunho was trying desperately not to make any noise and wishing he could be anywhere but here. He swiftly walked away, not really caring any more if Jae or Min heard him. He heard some shuffles and some voices but he went to his room and quickly shut his door.
He felt uncertain and confused, which quickly grew to frustration and anger. Then again, what had he actually planned to do about his dreams anyway? Try to make them true? At least he knew that both his counterparts didn't mind kissing guys...Yunho's thoughts were jumbling about. And of course, he was still just as aroused as before. Maybe he could pretend that nothing had happened. After all, they hadn't seen him and maybe Micky or Junsu had come home by now. Fucking hell. If only things could just stay in the same moment as they were before, where he could think that there was no chance for him at all.
He heard a slight tapping and the sounds of muted voices. Making himself absolutely still, he pretended to be sleeping.
"Yunho?" Yunho held his breath. He could see a sliver of hallway light peek through as Min opened the door.
"Maybe it wasn't anything Minnie."
"I thought I heard something though."
"He's probably asleep to the world; you know how he can sleep anywhere."
"Yeah, that's true but..."
"Anyway," and here Yunho heard a slight intake of breath "I want to continue what we started."
"Mmph~~S-sure, just maybe we should do it in your room."
He heard some more pants and shuffling as footsteps walked away from his door.
Double damn. Now how was he supposed to go to sleep? He was torn between fantasizing again or just punching his fist through the wall in frustration.
********************
"Junsu! Stop taking all my pancakes!"
"Min, you've had like five stacks already. I need some too!"
Yunho woke to the sounds of the youngest two bickering. Groaning slightly, he pulled the pillow over his head.
"I'm making more so stop fighting already. Is Yunho up yet? He went to sleep early so I thought he'd be up for sure...Hey Micky, can you check if he's awake? He's not going to get any breakfast unless he wakes up soon."
"Sure Jae."
Yunho heard footsteps approaching his door and soon Micky's knocking on his door.
"Yunho? You up man? You better be, or else you'll miss breakfast and Min and Junsu have already eaten like a million stacks. C'mon, you're the only one who can convince Jae to make more-I've eaten like two. Hello?"
Yunho had to smile in spite of feeling exhausted. He hauled himself up and unlocked the door, revealing a cool Micky leaning against the door frame edge.
"Finally man. You slept like forever! But...your eyes still seem bloodshot--" Micky noted.
"It's fine! Thanks for the wakeup call. Wouldn't want to miss Jae's pancakes," Yunho said, slinging his arm across Micky's shoulders.
"I know right? Those two have been going at it, it's ridiculous." Micky pouted for effect. Yunho just laughed.
They walked in to the kitchen, seeing Min trying to reach for Junsu's plate as Junsu was shoveling food into his mouth out of Min's reach.
"Just another typical morning I see," Yunho said though he couldn't quite look up to meet Jae's glance.
"Mmm, except you woke up pretty late. Here, I saved a stack for you," Jae said handing him a plate.
"Hey! Why don't I get one?" Micky exclaimed.
"I have yours too, don't worry," and Jae handed him another plate.
Yunho sat next to Min, who gave him a rather silly grin as pancake pieces covered his teeth.
"Ith gud stuff! Hab lots!" Min was acting silly. Yunho tried to look happy, but he just wasn't feeling great. He consoled himself by saying that today was a free day, and slowly started poking at his breakfast.
"Yunho, what are you up to today?" Jae asked.
"I'm…not really sure…" Maybe moping for a few hours and dancing all the angst away? Yunho wryly grinned; he was sounding more and more like a forlorn teenage girl.
"I was thinking of taking a drive to the beach with Changmin. Junsu and Micky were going to go to the amusement park."
Yunho thought. Maybe this would be the chance to talk to Jae…and figure out how exactly to address this situation.
"Hyung, you should come with us!" Min said after swallowing an ungodly amount of food.
"We can get those special lemon popsicles you like so much~" Jae added.
Ah screw it. Might as well go and try to figure things out.
"Sure. Let's leave in like 20 minutes?"
"Sounds good!"
***********************************
Though Jae was often the one to drive, Yunho said he would. It was nice to feel the breeze and to coast along the road. Min was sprawled on the backseat, looking up at the sky while Jae was fiddling with the radio.
"It's going to be a beautiful day out there folks, not a cloud in the sky--"
"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend--"
"It's a beautiful lie/It's a perfect denial--"
"And the game is tied now, with Ortiz stepping up to the plate--"
"Poppin' champagne, livin' the life in the fast lane--"
"Jae, just pick something," Min said.
"Fine, fine," and Jae left it on Rihanna's Umbrella.
They didn't really talk, simply enjoying the view as they drove down the roads. Yunho wished he could stay in that one moment, simple and carefree.
"Yunho? You never really answered my question last night," Jae quietly said.
What question? Last night? Yunho racked his brain. Of course, his brain decided that re-living the Jae and Min kissing moment was more important. Stupid brain.
"Is there really nothing going on?" Jae continued.
Yunho swallowed. He quickly glanced up at his rear view mirror to see that Min had fallen asleep.
"W-what do you mean Jae?"
"I know you. The things that make you happy aren't making you happy anymore and you're more tired and distracted than usual. Yunnie, you're not really acting like yourself."
Yunho sighed. He wasn't really the type to talk about his problems openly, but Jae kept looking at him intently not willing to step down. These were the times Jae really seemed like the mom of the group.
"It's...complicated," Yunho sighed again. "Let's just say things suddenly changed and I'm not sure where I stand on the issue." Yunho smiled, but it was a slightly sad, bitter smile. "But! I'm working on it now, so don't worry too much," he added plastering a grin on his face.
Jae didn't look too satisfied, but Min chose at that exact moment to wake up and loudly exclaim, "Are we there? Are those stands I see before me??"
Yunho laughed, if not a little awkwardly.
********************
Yunho was sucking on a popsicle. Correction, he had it tucked on the side of his mouth, rather dejectedly pushing it in and out as Jae and Min were looking at other food stands. He was no closer to a strategy compared to this morning, and was feeling frustrated with himself.
"Yunho? Yunho? Hello?" Min was waving his hand in front of Yunho's face, but Yunho didn't seem to notice.
He did, however, jerk in surprise when he felt a distinctively wet sensation lathe across his knuckles.
"J-jae?" Yes, his voice cracked too.
"You were distracted and the liquid kept going down your hand. It'd be a waste," Jae said with a smirk.
"Ah, um, yeah. Sure," Yunho couldn't quite think, much less really speak. Min just looked bemused.
"Just forget about whatever's bothering you and finish up that popsicle already so we can go swimming," Jae said, pulling on Yunho's arm. Yunho was about to retort that his problem had increased tenfold, but the words disappeared when he saw how serious Jae looked. "Just be happy like a little kid for once," Jae said. "You'll figure it out."
Yunho nodded. Perhaps he was over thinking things, which was something he often left to Changmin. Perking up a little, he eagerly finished his popsicle while watching Jae and Min taunt each other and splash around trying to get the other wet first.
Carefully sneaking behind the two (who were too intent on each other), Yunho suddenly pushed them both in the water to watch them sputter and cough at him in indignation. Yunho grinned wide, but started backing away when he saw Jae and Min approaching him with evil looks.
He failed miserably as they both pulled him quickly, dunking him into the cold water. He came up laughing, and shivering slightly as his body slowly adjusted to the water.
Jae was right to some extent; Yunho found himself regressing into enjoying the simple, tactile joys he hadn't really allowed himself in the past months. Letting the waves lift him up or racing to the jetty against Changmin, Yunho let himself forget and simply feel. It *was* nice to just act like a kid.
Yunho flopped down on the towel. He was tired, but content. He closed his eyes and let the sun slowly warm his body.
"If only we could stay like this forever," Yunho said to himself.
"You know, we can in some respect hyung," Min said.
Yunho jumped a little, not realizing that Changmin had sat next to him on the towel.
They sat there in some silence, until Min started again.
"It's funny you know, Jae just always has his own way of doing things." Yunho looked over to find Min looking rather seriously to where Jae was playing with some kids.
"I never really knew what to make of him. At first, I thought he was really distant. Too cool, and cold. And he's the oldest you know? But he has such a silly side to him too, and also very caring in his own way. He cooks, he gives hugs, he listens...I just never really thought that he'd actually understand any of the things I'm thinking, but yet somehow he just knows. Strange, huh?" Here, Min quirked a little grin to Yunho who simply nodded.
"I guess...whatever it is you're thinking about, I'm sure Jae will understand. I know you're my hyung and all, but you have been acting...different recently and I know he's the best one for that sort of thing...in terms of listening and all."
"Anyway! We need our leader in top shape, so!" Min was looking down a little, making grooves in the sand. He looked a little embarrassed, but there was a sense of determination there too.
Yunho felt a little overwhelmed. He never really thought of what others might be thinking of him or that they might be worrying about him; he just wanted to make sure everyone else was doing okay. But hearing Changmin's words made him feel a little guilty for worrying them all.
He wasn't quite sure what prompted him to do it, but there was something in the way Min was poking at the sand with slightly red cheeks.
"Thanks Min," he said, giving him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulders and a quick peck on the cheek. Min looked a little surprised, but grinned back at Yunho.
"Hey guys, you about ready to go? I have to stock up the fridge again, because somebody thought three midnight snacks were in order," Jae teased.
"Hey! I'm a growing boy. I need my snacks. Anyway, you're guilty too~" Min retorted.
Jae blushed a little but just pushed at Min, leading to another round of smacks and punches.
Min raced ahead to the car, while Yunho hung back to walk with Jae.
"Hey Jae? Can we talk tonight?"
"Sure. Anytime~"
*******************
Yunho fidgeted. Min was playing games on his computer and Jae was putting some dishes away. He had offered to help, but was immediately shooed out.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"About…what you asked me today…" Yunho started. He got up and went over toward the kitchen sink. Leaning against the counter, he looked over towards Jae.
"Mmhmm…and?" Jae was wiping down the surface, carefully gathering all the crumbs into the trashcan.
"I saw you and Min...in the kitchen," Yunho said.
Jae went completely still. He was biting his lip, not quite looking at Yunho.
"Ah...I see..."
"I just wanted to say, I'm totally fine with it and that I just want you guys to be happy and all," Yunho continued. After all, he didn't want to get in the middle of things and mess everything up.
"You...are?" Jae was looking at him oddly.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"For sure?"
"YES, Jae. Why are you asking so much?"
"You're about to shred that dish towel into pieces if you keep pulling it like that," Jae pointed out.
With a sheepish expression, Yunho immediately pushed the towel away from his grip.
"You know, you can always tell me the truth too," Jae quietly said.
"What do you mean?" His hands were itching to occupy themselves, but he knew better than to let Jae in on his inner anxiety.
"Well, I'll let you figure that one out. But I'll always listen to you Yunho...and let you know honestly what I think. Even if you feel...awkward with my relationship with Changmin, I'll always be there for you."
Yunho felt a little guilty. There was also a strange ache in his chest.
"I guess...I'm a little bit jealous to be honest," he heard himself say in a small voice. "It's been a while since we just hung out and talked by ourselves. Aish, I'm sounding silly..." Yunho said.
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?"
"True..."
He felt Jae move towards him. Nervous, he jumped a little when Jae hugged him.
"I don't think Changmin would mind sharing..."
"Wouldn't mind sharing what?" Yunho whipped his head around to see Changmin standing in the doorway. Feeling like he had been caught, Yunho quickly pushed Jae away.
*****************
They ambushed him. Yunho didn't know how they figured out he was there. After all, they had been kissing each other rather intensely. He had seen them through the crack of the bedroom door, and immediately looked down. But when he looked up again, the door had suddenly opened and both of them had looked entirely too smug. Yunho gulped.
"How long were you planning on just watching us, hyung?" Yunho was dismayed to find Min's voice to be deeper, a little huskier than usual.
"See Yunnie, I told you he wouldn't mind," Jae added.
and with that, they both pounced.
********************
Yunho stared at the ceiling. He still wasn't sure what had transpired, but he knew for sure that his ass was still sore and his mouth was thoroughly abused. But he couldn't help the idiotic grin on his face, even when Yoochun and Junsu had burst in demanding to know what all the noise was before immediately shrieking (well, mostly Junsu) and stammering apologies. Changmin had been bright red, Jae was nonchalant, and Yunho was too blissfully content to even realize that the door had opened.
He looked over at Jae, who had decided a nap was in order, holding Yunho's hand tightly to his chest while resting on Changmin's lap. Changmin was reading, his glasses perched at the edge of his nose, while carefully flipping through the pages. Yunho caught Min's glance, and they shared a smile, while looking at the peaceful, sleeping Jae.
"Guess he knows more about us than we ever suspected," Yunho began.
"He always has hyung," Changmin finished.