Comments | azureoceanlight: 5 of 30, Poem-A-Day, "The Orthodoxy of Breakfast"

azureoceanlight

5 of 30, Poem-A-Day, "The Orthodoxy of Breakfast"

Apr 05, 2009 22:47

The Orthodoxy of Breakfast

I’ll never understand why there are children

who shoot each other

over little things, like sneakers,

or positions of leadership in cheerleading squads,

or virtual, MySpace assassinations of character

instead of the things that really matter,

like boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.

Let me ask you: is it wrong

to wonder ( Read more... )

drafts, poem a day, poem, poetry, writing

Comments 2

wonderdave April 6 2009, 05:43:54 UTC

YAY! Here's my suggestion:

"like boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies.* ( paragraph break)

Let me ask you: is it wrong

to wonder such a thing aloud?*

Alright, then I will take it back.

You didn’t hear me muse like that.

All you saw was me in the act

of asking the waitress for another cup of coffee*

Maintain the orthodoxy of breakfast if you have to,*

*= I like the poem but I would like the poem just as much if it was a short piece that Ended at any one of these spots. Is that weird of me to say? You could recycle a lot of the other stuff into a new piece pretty easy.

azureoceanlight April 6 2009, 19:34:50 UTC

Hey Dave!

Thanks for having a look at this!
And, funny you should say that about
breaking up this poem; I was actually thinking
of that. This poem kicked my ass and
I just might dissolve it into a couple....

thank you!