Comments | bababanaba: [fanfic+fanart] 80girl!59

bababanaba

[fanfic+fanart] 80girl!59

Jan 01, 2009 18:37

Bells have rung, carols sung, and I've still to upload anything.

Rectifying that matter now.

Here's a fanfiction and an accompanying fanart to boot.

Woah woah woah, what's up with the sudden spurt of energy, you ask? Um, well, dunno either. But here you go anyway.

( In which Girl!dera tries her hand at social interaction )

fanfiction, 8059, yamagoku, fanart

Comments 2

artillie January 4 2009, 05:50:22 UTC

And I love me some girl!59 (though I call her Hayami), so the fanart at the end made me happy--you draw her as more, I don't know, austere than other people draw her.

But you put Gokudera's and Yama's names in the Japanese order and switched Ryohei's. Other than that little nitpick, everyone is very IC and ♥ Especially the EXTREME little glimpse of Ryohei you gave us.

e.) lots and lots of -ly ending words. Yes, a crime for which I can be hanged for.

Adverbs aren't bad. They're like grievous bodily harm; they should be applied in small doses.

itsuka_yamazaki January 10 2009, 05:32:04 UTC

That was awesome cute! 8Db
I love the whole AU-ish college idea. A favourite thing of mine + reborn.

As for some crit..

And, surprising herself, Gokudera mutely turns around and lets Yamamoto slip the jacket on her shoulders. She felt a delicious little tingle up her spine as Yamamoto’s large, warm hands pats the jacket down her back and arms, lingering a bit by her shoulders.

Maybe look at your tenses more? It goes from present to past to present. Sometimes it's hard to stay in a tense but it get's really consistent once you're entirely used to it.

(There are also a little tense problems here and there but they're not really noticeable. xD I just write in present tense a lot but I hate to be a douche.) ANYWAYS yesss.
I really enjoyed that!
The drawing was really cute as well <3