you love, you learn, and all i ever wanted was for you to love me...
"i know i havent ever really been there for you. and i know youre bitter because of it, but you cant be bitter all your life," he tells me, when he just doesnt even understand. when he is ready to be my dad, i am willing to be his daughter. i am willing to forgive him for being in newport beach for the past 6 months without telling me with his 20-year-old slut for a girlfriend after getting caught for growing pot in some unknown state like arkansas. i am even willing to forgive all the plays, all the games, all the sports events, all the competitions, all the fathers days, all the birthdays, all the christmases, all the other holidays that you spend with your family, and even all the elementary school father/daughter events that he said he would go to but just never showed up to and didnt even call to tell me that he wasnt coming and then id go home and cry later that night because i just couldnt understand why my daddy wasnt there when everyone elses was. i am also willing to overlook that he has always disappointed me every time ive given him another chance. because i want to give him another chance, and i want so much for him to realize that i want him to be there for me. i dont want it to be this way, but he never changes. he always hurts me and im sick of it. "you cant be bitter all your life," he tells me, as if he has a right to tell me how to life my life, miles away, on thanksgiving day, always just being a screw-up and choosing his slut girlfriends over me, when all you need to do is to change and choose me for once and be my daddy for a change.
im getting sick and i feel like shit. and i really want soup, so im going to go make my vegetable soup and save a turkey and im going to enjoy it, god damn it.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."-Gandhi
i recommend getting your heart trampled on, to anyone.
all i ever wanted was for you to love me... please, just love me.