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i wrote this for english...and i just wanna know what you all think...it relates to my life and most of it is about me...comment on it
The Fake Smile
I knew this girl who lived down the street from me. She always had a smile on her face and helped everyone with their problems. We had all the same classes and knew all the same people. I guess you could say we were best friends. I knew everything about her and from the outside she seemed perfect, but inside there were things she hid from everyone, everyone except me. She told me her deepest, darkest secrets.
On the outside it looked like she had the perfect family, but I knew the truth. She lived with her aunt, step-dad and her younger sister. Her mom died when she was 8 of a cocaine overdose. Her dad was an alcoholic who lived someplace in the city. She only saw him when she wanted to, which wasn’t very often because they didn’t get along very well. She had many friends but she basically hated her world. She would never be able to open up to anyone the way she opened up to me.
The friends she had, she loved. She loved her family more than anything but she was never really happy. I was the only person that could see through her smile. She was such a great person. She always helped others, even when she couldn’t help herself. It seemed like she cared more about others then she did about herself.
One day when we were hanging out at her house, we watched a movie. When the movie was over I looked over at her and she was crying. “Why are you crying?” I asked her. ”This was mine and my mom’s favorite movie” she replied. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry about her mom. She usually would just hold it in.
A few months passed until I saw her cry again. This time her and her father had gotten into a fight. He said she looked like she was gaining weight and should start a diet. She was so self-conscious about her weight that this made her go crazy about loosing it. That’s when it all started.
A few weeks had gone by since her fight with her dad and she was still obsessing about her weight. She always seemed so depressed but I kind of just brushed it off. A few weeks later when we were in school, she pulled me over to the side; she said she needed to tell me something personal.
“I have a big problem.” She said. “You can tell me anything, you know that.” I said. She took a deep breath and bent over to my ear and whispered “I forced myself to throw up my food last night.” I was in shock. She was the one person I would never expect that from.
After she told me that I didn’t know how to react. Was I supposed to tell someone? Or keep it to myself? I decided to talk to her about it during the next class we had together. She told me the only times she did it was when she was upset or right after she ate she would feel “gross”. I was scared. I told her that there were other ways to deal with things. She would just keep saying “I know.” And change the subject.
She ended up telling one of our close guy friends. He basically told her that she NEEDED to stop. He told her if she did it again he would have to tell her aunt and he didn’t care how much she would hate him, because if anything ever happened to her he would never be able to forgive himself.
She tried so hard not to do it, but the pain she felt when she didn’t was so intense. She would call me at night crying, and I really didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t understand why she would do this to herself. She was such a great person.
One night she called my house but I told my mom to tell her I wasn’t home because I didn’t know what to say.
The next day in school, I didn’t see her. I just thought she was sick or maybe coming in late. Around the end of 6th period I got called down to the office. Through the window I saw my mom and her aunt in there crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked them. “I have some very bad news.” My mom said. “Your friend…well…she killed herself last night.” I just dropped to the floor in disbelief. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I made my mom take me home I just sat in my room. I couldn’t eat or talk to anyone. I just sat there.
A few days later my mom finally made me eat something. I couldn’t bear to go to the funeral. So the morning of the funeral I called her aunt to say sorry. While I was on the phone she said “When we found her, there was a note next to her that said you were her best friend and she would never be able to thank you enough for always being there for her.” I smiled a little and said “Thank you.” Then we said our goodbyes and got off the phone.
After out conversation I thought about how I should have talked to her that night she called me. Maybe I could have saved her life. I talked to my mom about it and she told me that if it was bound to happen it was going to. She said it wasn’t my fault, but I couldn’t believe her. I ended up being put in therapy to talk about her and everything that had happened.
I am now 30 years old and I am always thinking and wishing I had taken that phone call. She was my best friend and I will never forget how I was the only one that could see through her fake smile.