it's times like this when
losing touch
time
reality
meaning
understanding
starts to make sense.
or not.
flashing
detached, from
everything
i can and will
distance myself from you
or her
or them
me.
spiral falling face gun. repeat.
aside from loneliness
it's the one cycle on repeat.
i'm falling.

as if i still even have this damn journal... does anyone still post on here?

i feel crazy.

repetitive beats
answers to nothing
figuring things out
i am strong
i can cope
work so hard
to watch me fall
red wheels
pounding foot steps
hustling along
pushing feelings further
back
then ever before
forgetting you
losing touch
kind of like faith
in life
settling down
with my self
again.
too embarrassed
go away.

one beat ( Read more... )

there is clarity in
the
absence of breath.
fortunate or
unfortunate
i am still breathing
another countdown
to nothing
is underway
am i going to stick around
no one can answer this
no part of me has this
answer
no part of me is ready for the
answer

sudden falls
left behind
sandwiched
between water
and love
and hate
there's this constant exercise
this back and forth motion
why tell me your dreams
really why tell me
anything
last to know
all i have to hold onto
is lies
all i want to hold onto is
you.

pictures
scenes
shots
green leaves
melting away
i remember tomorrow
like it was yesterday
my eyes keep flickering
i've worked in these fields
before
i leave
the
the
needed
less
than
falling down again.

lines restored
six tiny cuts
what am i doing here
forgot to hide
how to
words pour out
silent
if outside was
812 SE 30th
if downstairs still
loved me
woosh
problem problem
present.
still.
inside inside

sometimes i feel like i
could explode
or implode
curl up inside of me
safe place
red cards
don't get your hopes up
you aren't a significant part
you are the small fraction
lines down
no one minds
somewhere i mind
but mostly i just sit
eyes half open
replaying words
reliving actions