Because Orlando Bloom is a 14-year-old girl.
I have no idea how old this is, or if it's ever been linked-to here before, so I'm going to post it. My mate emailed it to me, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
An Unexpected Love, by BattleChickEowyn. If any of you lot are BattleChickEowyn, I'm sorry, but you deserve this.
As usual, my favourite bits are in bold.
Title: An Unexpected Love
Author: BattleChickEowyn
Author's Email: evenstar391@yahoo.com
Pairings: Orlando Bloom/ Elijah Wood
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is written as Orlando's P.O.V of Elijah and his
feelings for him.
(September 7th)
Dear Diary,
Orlando hear! I saw Elijah the other day at the awards gala. He
looked absolutely smashing in his tux! When we first saw eachother
there, he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug ever. Feeling his
body so close to mine sent chills up and down my spine. I had to
control myself not to take him into a passionate kiss right then and
there. But, I could not, as there were millions of people and cameras
around. And besides, I had Kate there by my side. That was all just a
publicity stunt with me and Kate getting together. All of my agents
knew that I was gay, but they thought it would'nt look good in public
since I am a celebrity and all, so, they paired me up with Kate. I
must admit though, she is a truely sweet and beautiful girl and I
hate having to do this to her. But, she says that she understands the
situations and that she is happy to help out. She also told me today
that she has a huge crush on someone she knows back home. To be
honest, I hate the whole idea of this, pretending to be dating Kate
and acting as though I am striaght, when I know that I am not. I wish
I could just come out to the entire world and not hide who I truely
am. I have come out to my family and friends with my sexuality years
ago and they have been very supportive about it. I love them all so
very much for that. But, the one thing that is driving me absolutely
mad right now is not knowing how Elijah feels about me in return. He
acts as though he is straight. But sometimes I have caught him
starring at me and a few times he even blushed when i teasingly
winked at him. And, I can also see that there is a difference when he
is around me. When I see him around other guys, he very upbeat and
loose. But when it is just me and him, he is reserved and so very
caring. It confuses me alot of the time. I don't think he feels
uncomfortable around me though. I can tell that he enjoys my company.
I wish I could just tell him how I feel about him! But, I am too
scared to do so. It hurts so much not being able to reach out and
take him into my arms and kiss him. I do not know what to do. I have
never loved another man as I do with Elijah. He is my first male
love. Well, journal. I best be getting to bed. It's been a long
night. Goodnight.
(September 9th)
Dear Diary,
Good mourning! Orlando here again:) I had a night of much rest
indeed. I saw Elijah in my deams as well:) Well, today is bit of a
boring day so I think I shall go out for some coffee and take a drive
around the city. I will write more later when I return home. Bye!
(Later that evening)
I'm back! Oh sweet mother of Arwen! You will NEVER believe what has
happened to be today! Where do I begin?? Well, I ran into Elijah at a
cafe in Malibu. He was alone. He said that he had nothing else to do
today either and that he was going out for a drive as well. What a
coincidence, eh?:) Anyways, we got our coffee and took a table
outside and talked for a bit. After a few minutes, we decided to go
back to his place and hang out. When we got there, we went into his
room. He went directly over to his bed and motioned for me to sit
next to him. I don't know what came over me though after a few
moments of chatting. I started to come out to him. It just seemed
that all of the sudden I had all the courage and the moment seemed so
right, so I started spilling my buts out to him about how I felt
about him. When I finally confessed my love to him, I got quite
emotional. Then, all of the sudden, Elijah took me into his arms and
whispered in my ear and said, "You have no idea how long I've been
waiting to hear those words Orli. I feel the same for you too". After
hearing him say that, I felt nothing but joy and relief. Then, he
brought my head up with his hands and looked at me as he whipped away
my tears. He started to kiss me then. We were just kissing ever so
softly and lovingly. I finally felt whole for the first time in my
life. I love this man. And the best part is that he loves me in
return as well. Well, There is much more to be talked about tonight.
So I must be going. Bye.
(October 2nd)
It has been about a few weeks since me and Elijah got together. We
talked this mourning and we feel that it is time to come out to the
public and to the world of out love. Yes, we are a bit nervous but,
this is what we need to do. We can't lie to the world and to our fans
anymore. We will deal with the outcome of this. We don't care what
others have to say about this. This is our choice and our descisions.
This is the right thing to do, and it's going to be done weather
everyone likes it or not. Wish us luck!
(October 20th)
Well, me and Lijah have come out to the world and we are so suprised
how well everyone took the news! Even the media was supported about
it as well. And I think we both have gained more fans by doing this.
Of course, there are some that don't agree with all of this, as was
expected. But, the whole outcome of it was very positive. We are both
so very happy now that we have come out. Elijah is now planning to
move in with me:) I feel like the happiest man on this earth right
now. I could't have asked for anything more sweater.
*~~~THE END~~~*
=====
(Sam to Frodo after Frodo collapses on Mt. Doom)
"I can't carry it for you, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!"
Fangirl wishful thinking.
On a side note: This is hilarious. Good bad!fic. *hearts it* Also, I know it is old, but I love it anyway. Everytime I see it, it makes me wibble.
An Unexpected Love, by BattleChickEowyn. If any of you lot are BattleChickEowyn, I'm sorry, but you deserve this.
As usual, my favourite bits are in bold.
Title: An Unexpected Love
Author: BattleChickEowyn
Author's Email: evenstar391@yahoo.com
Pairings: Orlando Bloom/ Elijah Wood
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is written as Orlando's P.O.V of Elijah and his
feelings for him.
(September 7th)
Dear Diary,
Orlando hear! I saw Elijah the other day at the awards gala. He
looked absolutely smashing in his tux! When we first saw eachother
there, he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug ever. Feeling his
body so close to mine sent chills up and down my spine. I had to
control myself not to take him into a passionate kiss right then and
there. But, I could not, as there were millions of people and cameras
around. And besides, I had Kate there by my side. That was all just a
publicity stunt with me and Kate getting together. All of my agents
knew that I was gay, but they thought it would'nt look good in public
since I am a celebrity and all, so, they paired me up with Kate. I
must admit though, she is a truely sweet and beautiful girl and I
hate having to do this to her. But, she says that she understands the
situations and that she is happy to help out. She also told me today
that she has a huge crush on someone she knows back home. To be
honest, I hate the whole idea of this, pretending to be dating Kate
and acting as though I am striaght, when I know that I am not. I wish
I could just come out to the entire world and not hide who I truely
am. I have come out to my family and friends with my sexuality years
ago and they have been very supportive about it. I love them all so
very much for that. But, the one thing that is driving me absolutely
mad right now is not knowing how Elijah feels about me in return. He
acts as though he is straight. But sometimes I have caught him
starring at me and a few times he even blushed when i teasingly
winked at him. And, I can also see that there is a difference when he
is around me. When I see him around other guys, he very upbeat and
loose. But when it is just me and him, he is reserved and so very
caring. It confuses me alot of the time. I don't think he feels
uncomfortable around me though. I can tell that he enjoys my company.
I wish I could just tell him how I feel about him! But, I am too
scared to do so. It hurts so much not being able to reach out and
take him into my arms and kiss him. I do not know what to do. I have
never loved another man as I do with Elijah. He is my first male
love. Well, journal. I best be getting to bed. It's been a long
night. Goodnight.
(September 9th)
Dear Diary,
Good mourning! Orlando here again:) I had a night of much rest
indeed. I saw Elijah in my deams as well:) Well, today is bit of a
boring day so I think I shall go out for some coffee and take a drive
around the city. I will write more later when I return home. Bye!
(Later that evening)
I'm back! Oh sweet mother of Arwen! You will NEVER believe what has
happened to be today! Where do I begin?? Well, I ran into Elijah at a
cafe in Malibu. He was alone. He said that he had nothing else to do
today either and that he was going out for a drive as well. What a
coincidence, eh?:) Anyways, we got our coffee and took a table
outside and talked for a bit. After a few minutes, we decided to go
back to his place and hang out. When we got there, we went into his
room. He went directly over to his bed and motioned for me to sit
next to him. I don't know what came over me though after a few
moments of chatting. I started to come out to him. It just seemed
that all of the sudden I had all the courage and the moment seemed so
right, so I started spilling my buts out to him about how I felt
about him. When I finally confessed my love to him, I got quite
emotional. Then, all of the sudden, Elijah took me into his arms and
whispered in my ear and said, "You have no idea how long I've been
waiting to hear those words Orli. I feel the same for you too". After
hearing him say that, I felt nothing but joy and relief. Then, he
brought my head up with his hands and looked at me as he whipped away
my tears. He started to kiss me then. We were just kissing ever so
softly and lovingly. I finally felt whole for the first time in my
life. I love this man. And the best part is that he loves me in
return as well. Well, There is much more to be talked about tonight.
So I must be going. Bye.
(October 2nd)
It has been about a few weeks since me and Elijah got together. We
talked this mourning and we feel that it is time to come out to the
public and to the world of out love. Yes, we are a bit nervous but,
this is what we need to do. We can't lie to the world and to our fans
anymore. We will deal with the outcome of this. We don't care what
others have to say about this. This is our choice and our descisions.
This is the right thing to do, and it's going to be done weather
everyone likes it or not. Wish us luck!
(October 20th)
Well, me and Lijah have come out to the world and we are so suprised
how well everyone took the news! Even the media was supported about
it as well. And I think we both have gained more fans by doing this.
Of course, there are some that don't agree with all of this, as was
expected. But, the whole outcome of it was very positive. We are both
so very happy now that we have come out. Elijah is now planning to
move in with me:) I feel like the happiest man on this earth right
now. I could't have asked for anything more sweater.
*~~~THE END~~~*
=====
(Sam to Frodo after Frodo collapses on Mt. Doom)
"I can't carry it for you, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!"
Fangirl wishful thinking.
On a side note: This is hilarious. Good bad!fic. *hearts it* Also, I know it is old, but I love it anyway. Everytime I see it, it makes me wibble.