Blood bananas made of blood
I'm certain that this is a trollfic, possibly an attempt to create the Death Note equivalent of 'My Immortal'. Either way, it's hilarious. Introducing Dark Yagami, Light's twin brother, who lived at 'Watari's house' in 'Whales (its a town in England)' until one day he killed Mello, stole his clothes and ran away to America to live with the rest of the Yagami family.
I'd attempt to provide context for the rest of these quotes, but really, it wouldn't help much.
This is my shinigami” [Dark] said and light saw a big monster appear. He was like twice the size of Ruyk and had a big mowhawk made of blood and skulls. Even Light was scarred of him. He was eating bananas like Ruyk ate apples but they were blood bananas made of blood.
“He’s big” said Light as the shinigami bit down on a blood banana “What’s his name/”
“MY NAME IS BLUD” said Blud as he kept eating the blood banana “I AM THE NEW KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND I HAVE A SPECIAL DEATH NOTE THAT KILLS ANYONE WHOS NAME IS WRITTEN IN IT EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THERE FACE OR NAME”
Blood bananas MADE OF BLOOD, people. This recurs throughout the fic. At one point Misa makes a 'blood banoffee pie', which hopefully has no connection to the next quote.
“Die you pies of shit!” Soichiro said as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at Ls head.
If you're wondering why Soichiro wants to shoot L...so am I. It's never explained.
“I say! what’s all this noise!” said Watari coming in the room. He saw Dark’s gun and shouted
“Bloody bugger! You shot Mello! Now who will kill Kira”?
Don't you wish Watari had talked like this in canon?
Sayu leaned over and began making out with Misa. Quickly she unbuttoned Misa’s bikini and it fell to the floor leaving her topless. Sayu then took her own underwear off and she was naked underneath. Misa squeaked as Sayu began moving down and frenched her neck.
You mean Sayu doesn't wear anything under her underwear? How scandalous!
Naomi walked in the front door of the police and asked at the desk for L. The woman behind the desk was hot looking and also she was bi.
“Hi! I’m Naomi! I need to speak to L!!” she shouted urgently “Kira killed my husband and I think I no who he is!!”
“So that means your single” the desk lady winked?
Naomi was taken at back. This desk lady was coming onto her?
“Naomi spelled backwards is I Moon” added the desk lady flirtyly.
“I don’t have time for this!” said Naomi anxiously as she took the desk ladies number to call her later and maybe have sex and ran into L’s office.
...yeah, there's a lot of gratuitous yuri in this fic for some reason. Not that I'm complaining. The female cast never get enough representation in fandom.
The author is quick to assure us, though, that only girls will have random sex in this story:
It was the early morning and Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything! Light came all over the bed from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table. It was seven oclock.
...if you were in any doubt that this is a parody, you're not now. There's no way that was unintentional.
BACK AT THE POLICE!!
“Kira is…… Mikami!”
“That bastardly hound!” said Lights dad who was pretending to be English.
I'm going to use that expression every chance I get.
AT MIKAMIS HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER
L turned on the sirens of the helicopter and shouted “come out with your hands up or I will shoot you!”. There was no reply and Light’s dad dressed as Watari shoot out a window just to show him he meant business and was not just some crazy guy in a helicopter.
“This is your last chance” he shouted and threw a smoke grenade into the house. Soichiro got a good shot at Mikami and killed him in the leg. There was still no reply.
“I will have to use stealth instead” said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.
Subtle, L. Real subtle.
To conclude, some evidence suggesting that not only is the author of this doing it on purpose, they also hang out on TV Tropes a lot. Which is, by a shocking coincidence, where I found the link to this fic in the first place. (It was under 'Critical Research Failure'.)
[Blud] picked up the death note and wrote “matt dies yesterdays in a car crash” and the death note glowed a funny color which meant it was doing stuff in the past.
MEANWHILE IN THE PAST
Suddenly matt was back in the car and before he knew what the hell was happen he jumped and grabbed the steering wheel and the car crashed again but this time Yotsuba survived and he climbed out just before there was a big explosion that was like ten times the size of a normal explosion because the death note had done magic to it and threw bits of Matt all over the road. It was a sick site not least because the bits of matt were squishy in places and his goggles were on fire and so was his hair and there was blood allover the road which made Yotsuba lose his lunch and that made things even sicker.
I'd attempt to provide context for the rest of these quotes, but really, it wouldn't help much.
This is my shinigami” [Dark] said and light saw a big monster appear. He was like twice the size of Ruyk and had a big mowhawk made of blood and skulls. Even Light was scarred of him. He was eating bananas like Ruyk ate apples but they were blood bananas made of blood.
“He’s big” said Light as the shinigami bit down on a blood banana “What’s his name/”
“MY NAME IS BLUD” said Blud as he kept eating the blood banana “I AM THE NEW KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND I HAVE A SPECIAL DEATH NOTE THAT KILLS ANYONE WHOS NAME IS WRITTEN IN IT EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THERE FACE OR NAME”
Blood bananas MADE OF BLOOD, people. This recurs throughout the fic. At one point Misa makes a 'blood banoffee pie', which hopefully has no connection to the next quote.
“Die you pies of shit!” Soichiro said as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at Ls head.
If you're wondering why Soichiro wants to shoot L...so am I. It's never explained.
“I say! what’s all this noise!” said Watari coming in the room. He saw Dark’s gun and shouted
“Bloody bugger! You shot Mello! Now who will kill Kira”?
Don't you wish Watari had talked like this in canon?
Sayu leaned over and began making out with Misa. Quickly she unbuttoned Misa’s bikini and it fell to the floor leaving her topless. Sayu then took her own underwear off and she was naked underneath. Misa squeaked as Sayu began moving down and frenched her neck.
You mean Sayu doesn't wear anything under her underwear? How scandalous!
Naomi walked in the front door of the police and asked at the desk for L. The woman behind the desk was hot looking and also she was bi.
“Hi! I’m Naomi! I need to speak to L!!” she shouted urgently “Kira killed my husband and I think I no who he is!!”
“So that means your single” the desk lady winked?
Naomi was taken at back. This desk lady was coming onto her?
“Naomi spelled backwards is I Moon” added the desk lady flirtyly.
“I don’t have time for this!” said Naomi anxiously as she took the desk ladies number to call her later and maybe have sex and ran into L’s office.
...yeah, there's a lot of gratuitous yuri in this fic for some reason. Not that I'm complaining. The female cast never get enough representation in fandom.
The author is quick to assure us, though, that only girls will have random sex in this story:
It was the early morning and Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything! Light came all over the bed from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table. It was seven oclock.
...if you were in any doubt that this is a parody, you're not now. There's no way that was unintentional.
BACK AT THE POLICE!!
“Kira is…… Mikami!”
“That bastardly hound!” said Lights dad who was pretending to be English.
I'm going to use that expression every chance I get.
AT MIKAMIS HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER
L turned on the sirens of the helicopter and shouted “come out with your hands up or I will shoot you!”. There was no reply and Light’s dad dressed as Watari shoot out a window just to show him he meant business and was not just some crazy guy in a helicopter.
“This is your last chance” he shouted and threw a smoke grenade into the house. Soichiro got a good shot at Mikami and killed him in the leg. There was still no reply.
“I will have to use stealth instead” said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.
Subtle, L. Real subtle.
To conclude, some evidence suggesting that not only is the author of this doing it on purpose, they also hang out on TV Tropes a lot. Which is, by a shocking coincidence, where I found the link to this fic in the first place. (It was under 'Critical Research Failure'.)
[Blud] picked up the death note and wrote “matt dies yesterdays in a car crash” and the death note glowed a funny color which meant it was doing stuff in the past.
MEANWHILE IN THE PAST
Suddenly matt was back in the car and before he knew what the hell was happen he jumped and grabbed the steering wheel and the car crashed again but this time Yotsuba survived and he climbed out just before there was a big explosion that was like ten times the size of a normal explosion because the death note had done magic to it and threw bits of Matt all over the road. It was a sick site not least because the bits of matt were squishy in places and his goggles were on fire and so was his hair and there was blood allover the road which made Yotsuba lose his lunch and that made things even sicker.