trying to calm down... holidays suck
Dear sweet, whom ever the fuck I am thinking, probably Jesus.
Break through! I hate my mother. She drives me crazy and enjoys it. (Don't get me wrong, "Even people who hate their mother, love their mother") But yeah, I hate her. I FLIPPED. On saturday. Yeah, we had it all out. I brought up things that I didn't think I would ever say to her, always thought, but would never say. I went as far to bring up how Billy and I were not stupid, we both knew she loved Micheal more than us. Figured that out along time ago. Yeah we knew she loved us, but it was always "God sent Micheal". I will admit jealousy of my own brother. Until Micheal's death we really didn't exist. Once he passed, and Billy started his own family, I became all she had left and then it was I who had to be and do everything what she expected from Mike. I was the last thing she could hang on to, but she just didn't hang on she fucking became SUPERGLUE. I reminded her that I was not Mike. And I will not stay with her like he would have to take care of her for always. "I sacrificed enough of my life in doing so, I want to start a life of my own that doesn't include having to care for a husband, children, and a bitter old bitch." It's bullshit that I already have a child. I call her mom.
So Brandon called. I think that when he comes home I will slap that hell out of him for being stupid. He has decide to take a mission where he will be dealing with guarding the mil.weapons and perhaps using them. And he is doing it because he's bored. I think I will slap him. As if I don't have enough to worry me. Thanks fucker.
Saturday night was fun. I went to see MLC. God it was great. I loved seeing the girls again. It was very relaxing sitting there with a warm cup of Candy Cane latte and beautiful music. I loved it. I talked to Jen a bit later. I am so proud of her on how she is holding up. And then it was time to go. She wanted to talk some more so I hope she will call soon.
Right now, I'm just annoyed. Everything is annoying me.
I don't like the holidays. Everyone is diluted about it. I think that I will enjoy a holiday alone. I've always pictured one. I think that this year I will try to have one. It's a time that will be quiet, and cozy. Watching the loves of my life before the "holiday spirits" fuck with them. (Scrooge and the Grinch) yeah.
Break through! I hate my mother. She drives me crazy and enjoys it. (Don't get me wrong, "Even people who hate their mother, love their mother") But yeah, I hate her. I FLIPPED. On saturday. Yeah, we had it all out. I brought up things that I didn't think I would ever say to her, always thought, but would never say. I went as far to bring up how Billy and I were not stupid, we both knew she loved Micheal more than us. Figured that out along time ago. Yeah we knew she loved us, but it was always "God sent Micheal". I will admit jealousy of my own brother. Until Micheal's death we really didn't exist. Once he passed, and Billy started his own family, I became all she had left and then it was I who had to be and do everything what she expected from Mike. I was the last thing she could hang on to, but she just didn't hang on she fucking became SUPERGLUE. I reminded her that I was not Mike. And I will not stay with her like he would have to take care of her for always. "I sacrificed enough of my life in doing so, I want to start a life of my own that doesn't include having to care for a husband, children, and a bitter old bitch." It's bullshit that I already have a child. I call her mom.
So Brandon called. I think that when he comes home I will slap that hell out of him for being stupid. He has decide to take a mission where he will be dealing with guarding the mil.weapons and perhaps using them. And he is doing it because he's bored. I think I will slap him. As if I don't have enough to worry me. Thanks fucker.
Saturday night was fun. I went to see MLC. God it was great. I loved seeing the girls again. It was very relaxing sitting there with a warm cup of Candy Cane latte and beautiful music. I loved it. I talked to Jen a bit later. I am so proud of her on how she is holding up. And then it was time to go. She wanted to talk some more so I hope she will call soon.
Right now, I'm just annoyed. Everything is annoying me.
I don't like the holidays. Everyone is diluted about it. I think that I will enjoy a holiday alone. I've always pictured one. I think that this year I will try to have one. It's a time that will be quiet, and cozy. Watching the loves of my life before the "holiday spirits" fuck with them. (Scrooge and the Grinch) yeah.