July Entry

[badgurl_gone_gd]

Topic:Heavy

10 minutes,even 5 maybe,would it have made the difference?........=10lbs

Did I really have to see the end of that show? I dont even remember what it was about...........=20lbs

I went right by the room to go check on the laundry-why didnt I go check on him?..........=50lbs

How could such a

Comments

[viceboots]

oh wow.
that's so sad.
did that really happen to you?
I can especially relate because I've got a baby brother.
This'll definitely make me check on him some more.
I liked how you had the ponds building up.
Good luck!!

[badgurl_gone_gd]

yeah,that really happened.And yes,I would advise checking often,you just never know.....thnx for the feedback :>

[peeeece]

this story really hit me hard, i love your incorporation of the theme, good luck with your entry!

(ps. sorry)

[badgurl_gone_gd]

Thank you.It was kinda hard to write this,so I didnt make it very long,but I hoped I would get my pointe across with just a little.

[turnaroundfic]

This was so sad. Really packed an emotional punch.

[aisling87]

Hello! I'm your primary editor for this round. If you'd like to read a little bit about my background/editing style, you may do so hereFirst, grammar: "must of struggled"--should be "must have struggled

[badgurl_gone_gd]

Thank you for the positive feedback.Being my first entry,I was a little nervous about this piece.It hit me like a punch in the gut the moment I read the topic,so I went with it.Though as you can see,I'm sometimes careless with my punctuation lol.I had oringinaly written this with that part,even 5 maybe,as maybe even 5,but changed it at the last moment.The long space between called and motherhood was an error that I tried to fix but it just looked funny so I left it for the reader to interpret as they liked.Again,thank you for the edit.

[csigeekfan]

Hi, I'm your secondary editor on this piece. I just wanted to tell you how very brave this piece is. The biggest problem I saw with the entry is grammatical errors (particularly in missing apostrophes). I wasn't sure if you did this for a purpose or not. Also, you need to consistently use or not use the equal signs. In most you do, but for 100lbs, you don't.

In the end, I really liked how the entire story wrapped together at the end. All the self-doubt and self-recrimination spiralled in until the story became clear.

Well done.

[badgurl_gone_gd]

Thank you.I didnt even notice that I had forgotten the equal sign in that one spot lol.