are you feeling better now?
dear diary,
a customer at work told me i look like emily dickinson. i blushed and geeked out, and he smiled at me.
at least somebody is happy.
i have a lot of thoughts and as many, if not more, questions. i'm in... an interesting predicament right now. i have two choices... both certainly involving a great deal of risk but potentially involving an incredibly attractive return on the investment. one of the options i have been hoping would become viable for some time now. it has become an important part of my life. but i'm afraid, really, really afraid, that it will never happen. the other option is a recent addition to my horizon. it has less appeal in that i do not have a history with it... i have not spent countless hours dreaming of its possibilities. i have not suffered for it, and i thus derive an incomplete satisfaction when i receive positive signs of a favorable outcome. however, this second option may, in fact, have more of a chance of succeeding. maybe.
that's the thing though. i will never know. i won't know until i try. and that means that i have to be willing to fail. and not only do i have to be willing to fail, i have to choose between two things without knowing if one or both will fail or succeed. i have never been a gambler. well, that's not true. i'm just not very good at it. and i've had enough losing hands to know how badly they hurt.
now, i can't really talk about all that here... but nobody can stop me from singing. so, some pertinent lyrics (for those inclined to follow clues):
"some way to greet the year, your eyes all bright and brimmed with tears."
"i've been trying to capture the piece of art you're after. it seems like it's extinct."
"some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast."
"you know that i love you, so don't make me say it."
"we'll find us a home built of packaging foam that will be there 'til after we die."
"i'm sweet on a green-eyed girl, all fiery irish clip and curl, all brine and piss and vinegar."
"she keeps me close to her heart in a locket. i keep her close to my cock on a picture in my pocket, and i cannot stop no matter how i try."
"i watch as you sleep so indelibly deep, and i hum to you, sweet clementine."
"jump off. your building's on fire. and i'll catch you, i'll catch you. destroy all that is keeping you back, and then i'll nurse you, i'll nurse you, i'll touch you."
"and it's the words you're after. watch their meanings shatter. the words break in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter."
"my job's simple. i just got to see the stars for what they are. and they don't grant wishes, and they don't guide me, but they try, they try, now i'm going to try."
love and other perishables,
erin
p.s. i had an argument today with one person when i should have had it with a different person entirely. i'm getting weird and taking it out on innocent bystanders. i should stop that before i run out of friends. i believe this is what people are referring to when they talk about "baggage."
daily reading of the lyrical gospel: i can't sleep enough. i can still taste what i drank, and no one's keeping up. what's that mean? i've been trying to capture the piece of art you're after. it seems like it's extinct. i'll check it when i hit the peak. and it's the words you're after. watch their meanings shatter. the words break in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter. i wasn't feeling my best, and i put my friends to the test. and i wasn't waking up well. you couldn't tell if i was gone. i can't wait. i won't change cause i'm living on mars. it don't hurt. when it rains, it just shorts out my guitars. do the best you can to keep this in your hat or whisper in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter. (neva dinova- ahh)
you slept in your overalls after the wrecking ball bereft you of house and home and left you with sweet fuck all. so we got in your car with our kick-about arts, and we hollered out, "sweet clementine!" tell your mom to marry us, a candle to carry us, with cans on our bicycle fenders, so sweet and hilarious. and we'll find us a home built of packaging foam that will be there 'til after we die. and i'll play the clarinet, use clam shells for castanets. we play with our banks on our shoulders, my sweet lady lioness. and i watch as you sleep so indelibly deep, and i hum to you, sweet clementine. (the decemberists- clementine)
grace cathedral hill, all wrapped in bones of setting sun, all dust and stone and moribund. i paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle. for a new year's day, i sat and watched it burn away then turned and weaved through slow decay. we were both a little hungry, so we went to get a hot dog. down the hyde street pier, the light was slight and disappeared. the air, it stunk of fish and beer. we heard a superman trumpet play the national anthem. and the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you but on a motorbike when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight. are you feeling better now? some way to greet the year, your eyes all bright and brimmed with tears. the pilgrims, pills, and tourist here all sing, "fifty-three bucks to buy a brand new halo." i'm sweet on a green-eyed girl, all fiery irish clip and curl, all brine and piss and vinegar. i paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle. and the world may be be long for you, but he'll never belong to you but on a motorbike when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight. are you feeling better now? (the decemberists- grace cathedral hill)
come to me. i'll take care of you, protect you. calm, calm down. you're exhausted. come lie down. you don't have to explain. i understand. you know that i adore you. you know that i love you, so don't make me say it. it would burst the bubble, break the charm. jump off. your building's on fire. and i'll catch you, i'll catch you. destroy all that is keeping you back, and then i'll nurse you, i'll nurse you, i'll touch you. you know that i adore you. you know that i love you, so don't make me say it. it would burst the bubble, break the charm. (bjork- come to me)
it's sixteen miles to the promised land, and i promise you i'm doing the best i can. don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than a man cause you'll probably end up dead. i visit these mountains with frequency, and i stand here with my arms up. some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast. don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than you are with your arms outstretched to me. well, some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast. (rilo kiley- with arms outstretched)
a customer at work told me i look like emily dickinson. i blushed and geeked out, and he smiled at me.
at least somebody is happy.
i have a lot of thoughts and as many, if not more, questions. i'm in... an interesting predicament right now. i have two choices... both certainly involving a great deal of risk but potentially involving an incredibly attractive return on the investment. one of the options i have been hoping would become viable for some time now. it has become an important part of my life. but i'm afraid, really, really afraid, that it will never happen. the other option is a recent addition to my horizon. it has less appeal in that i do not have a history with it... i have not spent countless hours dreaming of its possibilities. i have not suffered for it, and i thus derive an incomplete satisfaction when i receive positive signs of a favorable outcome. however, this second option may, in fact, have more of a chance of succeeding. maybe.
that's the thing though. i will never know. i won't know until i try. and that means that i have to be willing to fail. and not only do i have to be willing to fail, i have to choose between two things without knowing if one or both will fail or succeed. i have never been a gambler. well, that's not true. i'm just not very good at it. and i've had enough losing hands to know how badly they hurt.
now, i can't really talk about all that here... but nobody can stop me from singing. so, some pertinent lyrics (for those inclined to follow clues):
"some way to greet the year, your eyes all bright and brimmed with tears."
"i've been trying to capture the piece of art you're after. it seems like it's extinct."
"some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast."
"you know that i love you, so don't make me say it."
"we'll find us a home built of packaging foam that will be there 'til after we die."
"i'm sweet on a green-eyed girl, all fiery irish clip and curl, all brine and piss and vinegar."
"she keeps me close to her heart in a locket. i keep her close to my cock on a picture in my pocket, and i cannot stop no matter how i try."
"i watch as you sleep so indelibly deep, and i hum to you, sweet clementine."
"jump off. your building's on fire. and i'll catch you, i'll catch you. destroy all that is keeping you back, and then i'll nurse you, i'll nurse you, i'll touch you."
"and it's the words you're after. watch their meanings shatter. the words break in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter."
"my job's simple. i just got to see the stars for what they are. and they don't grant wishes, and they don't guide me, but they try, they try, now i'm going to try."
love and other perishables,
erin
p.s. i had an argument today with one person when i should have had it with a different person entirely. i'm getting weird and taking it out on innocent bystanders. i should stop that before i run out of friends. i believe this is what people are referring to when they talk about "baggage."
daily reading of the lyrical gospel: i can't sleep enough. i can still taste what i drank, and no one's keeping up. what's that mean? i've been trying to capture the piece of art you're after. it seems like it's extinct. i'll check it when i hit the peak. and it's the words you're after. watch their meanings shatter. the words break in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter. i wasn't feeling my best, and i put my friends to the test. and i wasn't waking up well. you couldn't tell if i was gone. i can't wait. i won't change cause i'm living on mars. it don't hurt. when it rains, it just shorts out my guitars. do the best you can to keep this in your hat or whisper in my ear. i love you, but it doesn't matter. (neva dinova- ahh)
you slept in your overalls after the wrecking ball bereft you of house and home and left you with sweet fuck all. so we got in your car with our kick-about arts, and we hollered out, "sweet clementine!" tell your mom to marry us, a candle to carry us, with cans on our bicycle fenders, so sweet and hilarious. and we'll find us a home built of packaging foam that will be there 'til after we die. and i'll play the clarinet, use clam shells for castanets. we play with our banks on our shoulders, my sweet lady lioness. and i watch as you sleep so indelibly deep, and i hum to you, sweet clementine. (the decemberists- clementine)
grace cathedral hill, all wrapped in bones of setting sun, all dust and stone and moribund. i paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle. for a new year's day, i sat and watched it burn away then turned and weaved through slow decay. we were both a little hungry, so we went to get a hot dog. down the hyde street pier, the light was slight and disappeared. the air, it stunk of fish and beer. we heard a superman trumpet play the national anthem. and the world may be long for you, but it'll never belong to you but on a motorbike when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight. are you feeling better now? some way to greet the year, your eyes all bright and brimmed with tears. the pilgrims, pills, and tourist here all sing, "fifty-three bucks to buy a brand new halo." i'm sweet on a green-eyed girl, all fiery irish clip and curl, all brine and piss and vinegar. i paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle. and the world may be be long for you, but he'll never belong to you but on a motorbike when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight. are you feeling better now? (the decemberists- grace cathedral hill)
come to me. i'll take care of you, protect you. calm, calm down. you're exhausted. come lie down. you don't have to explain. i understand. you know that i adore you. you know that i love you, so don't make me say it. it would burst the bubble, break the charm. jump off. your building's on fire. and i'll catch you, i'll catch you. destroy all that is keeping you back, and then i'll nurse you, i'll nurse you, i'll touch you. you know that i adore you. you know that i love you, so don't make me say it. it would burst the bubble, break the charm. (bjork- come to me)
it's sixteen miles to the promised land, and i promise you i'm doing the best i can. don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than a man cause you'll probably end up dead. i visit these mountains with frequency, and i stand here with my arms up. some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast. don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than you are with your arms outstretched to me. well, some days last longer than others, but this day by the lake went too fast. and if you want me, you better speak up. i won't wait. so you'd better move fast. (rilo kiley- with arms outstretched)