The Bridge to Tomorrow
Author: Anonymous
Prompt#: 400
Title: the bridge to tomorrow
Word Count: 6,650
Side Pairing(s): kyungsoo/sehun
Rating: pg-13
Warning(s):[click to open]broken!baekhyun/chanyeol
Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: chanyeol discovers that the only constant in life is change.
Author's Note: a big thanks to everyone who helped me with this fic, i couldn't have done it without you guys.
AO3 ver.
►
chanyeol glances at the clock for the umpteenth time. it's 6:47pm, same as it had been the last time he looked. he checks his outfit, just to make sure there aren't any stains, despite having just picked up the garments from the dry cleaner a mere hour earlier and, once dressed, taken care to avoid anything that potentially could ruin his favourite dress shirt. he even refrained from drinking water, even though he was feeling rather parched, what with all the running around like a headless chicken whilst getting ready for the “what comes before part b? that's right, part-a,”for fear it would result in a spillage. knowing chanyeol, it would be bound to happen. he's not exactly a man of grace. quite the opposite, in fact. chanyeol has been known to trip over his own two feet. multiple times. all within the span of four seconds.
“aren't you done yeeeeeeet?” chanyeol drags out the last word for emphasis. he takes another look at his watch. 6:48pm. “kyungsoo-yaaaaaah, we’re going to be laaaaaaaaate.” he doesn't even care if he's acting juvenile, serves kyungsoo right for taking forever.
“relax, the party doesn't start till seven. i still need to change,” kyungsoo replies from his room, showing no indications of being ready to leave anytime soon.
“exactly, and it's going to take us at least thirty minutes to get there. we should've left like fifteen minutes agooooooooo.” chanyeol scrunches his nose and folds his arms in indignation, even if kyungsoo is in another room and out of sight. he's been raring to go for the last twenty minutes, twenty painstakingly slow minutes. but instead, he's been waiting for his housemate, and best friend, to get a move on. for someone so low maintenance-most days, he doesn't even bother running a comb through his hair-kyungsoo sure takes an awful long time to get ready.
finally emerging from his room, looking the same as usual, no extra effort made in the slightest, kyungsoo approaches chanyeol before flicking him on the forehead. “who arrives to a party on time?”
“it's your boyfriend’s birthday party, shouldn't you want to be the first one there?” chanyeol asks, rubbing the sore spot on his face. it better not have left a mark-chanyeol needs to look flawless.
kyungsoo rolls his eyes, something chanyeol has witnessed often. “sehun’s his own person, he doesn't need me babysitting him. and sehun already told me that baekhyun isn't arriving till much later. so, seriously. relax.”
baekhyun. byun baekhyun. just hearing the name causes chanyeol’s heart to beat faster, his stomach somersaulting like an olympic gold medalist.
“i wasn't even-”
“save it, park chanyeol. you're an open book. i know you're excited baekhyun’s back in town, but you really need to play it cool. it’s been what, five years? you never know, baekhyun might not even remember you.”
chanyeol stands to his feet, stomping to his room to fetch his most prized possession; a rilakkuma plushie. it’s not your average, run-of-the-mill teddy bear. this one speaks. returning to the lounge, chanyeol practically thrusts the stuffed toy into kyungsoo’s face, squeezing the right paw as he does so. “‘i love you, chanyeollie, for life.’ are these the words of someone who would just forget you?” chanyeol squawks, pressing the paw one more time to drive the message home.
“but you guys broke up. for life, my arse.” leave it to do kyungsoo not to mince words.
it's true though, they had broken up and it’s still a painful memory, one that chanyeol tried his very best to repress. “but, it's not like either of us did anything wrong, or that we kept fighting, or even that we stopped loving each other. it was just… circumstances.”
chanyeol had always believed they would go the distance. in fact, so did everyone else. chanyeol and baekhyun began dating their first year of high school, becoming inseparable. they had planned their future together, applying to the same course, at the same university. a wrench was thrown in the works when baekhyun had been accepted, and chanyeol had not. and unfortunately for chanyeol, the university was inconveniently located hundreds of miles away. chanyeol hoped that baekhyun would turn down the offer, opting to attend the same university as he. not that he dared to express this, it had to be baekhyun’s decision, of his own volition. chanyeol hadn't wanted baekhyun ever to regret his choice, or worse, resent chanyeol for holding him back.
in the end, baekhyun packed his things and moved to the other side of the country, and chanyeol had stayed behind. as many couples had before, they tried the long distance thing for a while, managing to last almost an entire year. that is, until their first summer break, when baekhyun finally returned home. chanyeol expected to spend their days (and nights) together, to make up for all the time they’d lost. baekhyun, however, had made vacation plans with his new friends and would only be in town for one week out of the two months before the start of the new academic year.
with baekhyun finding himself far too busy to juggle a relationship in addition to his new life at university, and chanyeol having far too much spare time on his hands, it seemed they were no longer a match made in heaven, as friends had often described the couple. ultimately, they decided that years apart were not going to work, and it would just be delaying the inevitable if they continued to date. although initiated by baekhyun, it had been an amicable breakup, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.
chanyeol had been devastated, inconsolable for the first month, refusing to leave his room save for lectures. if it hadn't been for kyungsoo, his dorm mate at the time, chanyeol isn't sure he would've made it through the breakup intact. sure, kyungsoo isn't a coddler, believing in tough love instead, but it had worked. in time, chanyeol had found himself smiling, enjoying himself. and most importantly, he had stopped reminiscing about the good times he'd shared with baekhyun.
chanyeol had actually been convinced that kyungsoo was in love with him for a short period. and chanyeol had felt conflicted, not wanting to ruin their friendship should things not work out. a further complication being that they lived together. as his mother often told him,“don't shit where you eat.” it hadn't been until chanyeol had walked in on kyungsoo and his boyfriend mid-coitus that chanyeol discovered that his friend had absolutely no romantic interest in him. chanyeol had simultaneously experienced both rejection and relief. when chanyeol had finally confessed to his roommate about it, kyungsoo had laughed for twelve straight minutes. that's real friendship for you.
“but seriously though, you should get back out there,” kyungsoo had said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
but chanyeol didn’t want to be with anyone else. he still loved baekhyun. recalling baekhyun’s parting words, “in the future, if we’re both still single, you'd better look me up, park chanyeol.” chanyeol held onto the sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll be reunited someday.
and now that day has finally arrived; baekhyun is back. and chanyeol has it on good authority that baekhyun is single and available. it had to be a sign, a fate written in the stars. five years on, chanyeol was still very much single, his (very few) relationships after baekhyun having been short-lived.
this is meant to be.
⏩
“this isn't exactly how i had envisioned my night would go down,” chanyeol says, turning off the tap. he's standing in the kitchen, half naked, no less, handwashing his favourite dress shirt. the formerly white dress shirt that now reeks of booze and vomit, courtesy of a certain kim junmyeon, who apparently can't hold his liquor. and with baekhyun nowhere in sight, chanyeol is squandering a perfectly valid excuse to show off his hard rock abs. okay, so he may have had a little help shaping his body with the magic of makeup and contour via tutorials he had watched on youtube. but nonetheless, chanyeol is at his prime, but it's going unappreciated.
chanyeol had tried to play it cool when baekhyun had first arrived to sehun’s birthday party, finally showing his (beautiful) face at 11pm, three hours after chanyeol had arrived. which meant several hours of door watching, discreetly masking his disappointment when guests who weren't baekhyun poured through the door.
“hey, you,” baekhyun had greeted with a toothy grin, smile reaching to his eyes.
man, how chanyeol had missed baekhyun’s smile, the sound of his voice, his everything.
“hey, yourself,” chanyeol had replied, summoning everything in is willpower not to pull the man into his arms and never let go. chanyeol had expected baekhyun to stick around, recounting stories of what he'd been up to these past five years. chanyeol had already rehearsed his epic recollections that would, no doubt, captivate the other.
however, to chanyeol’s dismay, baekhyun had dropped a “see you around” right off of the bat, not one minute after their first encounter. it had been pretty anticlimactic, to say the least.
“is that it? five years and that's all i get? a ‘hey, you’ and a ‘see you around?’ really?” chanyeol had muttered under his breath, his eyes following baekhyun as the man walked off to greet other guests. chanyeol had made a conscious effort not to stare at his ex, while still making sure to keep an eye on him through his peripheral. baekhyun was having a good time. without him. it was like five years ago all over again, and so, chanyeol had sought solace in the bottom of his red plastic cup.
fast forward three hours and copious amounts of alcohol later, chanyeol still hadn't exchanged another word with baekhyun. in hindsight, drinking with junmyeon had been a terrible idea. it's a known fact that junmyeon was a lightweight, and in spite of this, the man had been adamant that he could continue drinking. shot after shot had been poured and downed, until they made an unwelcome reappearance. all over chanyeol’s shirt.
chanyeol inspects the garment to survey the damage; it's painful.
“i think it's a goner,” chanyeol hears from behind him.
chanyeol smiles; he would recognise that voice anywhere. “yeah, i think you're right. so, how are you enjoying yourself, baek?” he asks, turning around to face the man.
baekhyun nods his head. “enjoying myself more now i'm doing a bit of sightseeing. things sure have changed since the last time i was here.”
baekhyun has always been a natural flirt, it had been one of the many reasons why chanyeol was drawn to his former flame in the first place. “my eyes are up here,” chanyeol teases as he flexes his muscles, all those gruelling hours in the gym having finally paid off.
“you look good, park chanyeol.”
chanyeol had almost forgotten the way baekhyun spoke his name. baekhyun rarely addressed him by just his first name, it had always been by his full name. unless he was feeling particular affectionate, then he would refer to him by ‘chanyeollie.’ but now, chanyeol doubts he’ll ever hear the nickname spill from baekhyun’s lips again. he'll have to settle for the voice message baekhyun had recorded all those years ago.
“you too, baek.” chanyeol feels a little daring-must be the liquid courage surging through his veins-and places a hand on baekhyun's cheek, caressing the soft skin with his thumb. he feels baekhyun leaning into his touch, as they maintain eye contact, neither saying a word.
“so, how's the shirt situation going? oh, am i disturbing something?” a new voice appears from behind them. it's kyungsoo.
chanyeol flinches and withdraws his hand from baekhyun’s face. “no, we were just talking.”
“right, talking. anyway, i'm just gonna go grab one of sehun’s shirts for you. as you were,” kyungsoo says, taking two slow steps back before fleeing the scene.
real subtle, kyungsoo.
“so, you and kyungsoo. you guys ever hook up?” baekhyun asks, a very subtle hint of jealousy seeping through.
chanyeol shakes his head. “nah, but he's an amazing guy. the best, actually.”
“i see.” there's an expression on baekhyun’s face, but chanyeol can't decipher it. “it's such a small world, isn't it?”
chanyeol isn't sure if it's a rhetorical question or not. baekhyun had been referring to the fact that he had found himself working at the same company as sehun. sehun who just so happens to be kyungsoo’s boyfriend and kyungsoo just so happens to be chanyeol’s best friend and housemate. all coincidental-talk about six degrees of separation.
silence fills the room, but the atmosphere is different from before kyungsoo interrupted them; it's stifling and verging on uncomfortable.
“so, how about we return to all the fun? i’m sure junmyeon’s passed out somewhere with pensises drawn all over his face,” chanyeol suggests, ending the awkward tension.
“but what if i'm having more fun here?” baekhyun asks, a playful lilt in his voice and a smile surfacing once more. “i'm enjoying the view.”
“well, if you play your cards right, maybe you'll see more of this,” chanyeol jokes, before the implications of his words settle in. shit. what if he took it too far and scared baekhyun away?
“oh, i’m not nearly drunk enough for that, park chanyeol.” baekhyun laughs, and chanyeol gives him a playful shove.
“shall we?” chanyeol asks, extending a hand out to the other.
“we shall,” baekhyun answers, taking chanyeol’s hand and lacing their fingers together. returning to the party, and to the table of drinks. baekhyun hands a plastic cup to chanyeol. “fill ‘er up.”
“chanyeol, would you put a fucking shirt on? no one wants to see your wonky nip nops!”
ignoring the insult, chanyeol averts his attention to baekhyun and pours a generous amount of alcohol into the cup. after serving himself his own drink, chanyeol clinks his cup with baekhyun’s. “time for the fun to begin!”
⏩
“shit, how much do you weigh, baek?” chanyeol groans, his muscles screaming in pain as he lugs the dead weight that is byun baekhyun into his apartment. baekhyun may have gone a little too hard with the liquor, and is most likely a fire hazard at this point.
“i’m preparing my body for the winter, gotta keep myself warm. sssshhh,” baekhyun replies, spraying chanyeol with a fine mist of saliva.
chanyeol can tell, baekhyun is far from chubby. the man’s body is toned, firm. the mere thought of baekhyun’s body pressed against his sends shivers of anticipation down chanyeol’s spine.
“it's april, baek.” chanyeol sighs, dropping baekhyun onto his bed and proceeding to remove the inebriated man’s shoes.
“stop, that tickles!” baekhyun starts to giggle, flailing his limbs, catching chanyeol's head with his left foot. “why’d you headbutt me for?” baekhyun whimpers and rolls across the mattress, tussling with the sheets.
chanyeol exhales, not quite sure how to deal with such an intoxicated baekhyun. in all the years they dated, baekhyun had never gotten this drunk before. granted, they weren't legally allowed to consume alcohol for the majority of the time they were dating, but baekhyun had never shown interest in that kind of lifestyle. “i don't need alcohol to have a good time,” he used to say. this baekhyun-twenty-four-year-old baekhyun-is different. chanyeol thought he knew him better than anyone, but it seems that things have changed. chanyeol brushes the man’s hair away from his face. baekhyun still looks the same, his face untouched by time. “what am i going to do with you, baek?” he asks quietly under his breath.
“take me, pork chanbeol,” baekhyun slurs, wrapping his legs around chanyeol’s body. “take me like one of your french men.”
as tempting as it sounds, chanyeol has always been a gentleman. if anything were to happen between them, chanyeol would only accept it the proper way, and that meant both parties sober. “i think it's time we say night night.”
“noooooo, don't leave meeeee,” baekhyun whines, burying his face into chanyeol’s chest and squeezes him even tighter.
peeling off the clinging man, chanyeol leans in and kisses a semi-conscious baekhyun on the forehead. “goodnight, baek.” rising to his feet, chanyeol takes another look at baekhyun. he turns to leave when he hears a quiet voice.
“i’ve missed you, chanyeollie.”
chanyeol freezes, his body suddenly forgetting how to move. he's not even sure if he's actually breathing. slowly turning to face baekhyun, he sees the man looking back up at him. “stay? please?” baekhyun’s voice is quiet, but chanyeol can hear him loud and clear.
never one to deny baekhyun, he nods, and baekhyun shuffles over to make room for chanyeol’s long frame. chanyeol climbs onto the bed, pulling the sheet over them. he doesn't fall asleep, instead, he deliberates the consequences of the night’s turn of events and what it would mean in regards to the future of their relationship. does this mean baekhyun is open to getting back together? will this be a one time only thing? or will they become friends with benefits? questions flood chanyeol’s mind, and he wonders if he should broach the topic come morning, or if he should wait until baekhyun mentions it. he’s still deliberating which course of action he should take when baekhyun speaks again, interrupting his train of thought.
“i love you, chanyeollie, for life.”
chanyeol’s blood turns cold. those exact words had sounded awfully similar. it takes a few seconds before it dawns on him. shit. it hadn't been baekhyun-the man sleeping beside him-but a recording of the very same man.
“what was that?” baekhyun asks, stirring slightly, his voice thick with sleep.
“nothing. you're dreaming, go back to sleep,” chanyeol tells him, silently praying that baekhyun is too tired to continue any line of questioning.
“too hot,” baekhyun mumbles, kicking the sheet off his body.
“i love you, chanyeollie, for life.”
upon hearing it the recording for a second time, baekhyun sits upright, his hands patting the bed to locate the source. a minute passes, silently, as chanyeol holds his breath.
“you...you kept this? all this time?” baekhyun asks, holding the bear out to chanyeol, sounding much more sober.
“er, yeah? i mean, you gave him to me. of course i kept it.” chanyeol laughs nervously. he feels baekhyun settling back into the mattress, turned away from him. “baek?” chanyeol calls his name but the man doesn't respond. chanyeol pulls baekhyun closer, but feels the man squirm out of his hold.
“goodnight, park chanyeol.”
“night, baek.”
⏭
“so how did it go?”
“he stood me up,” chanyeol says, a blanket thrown over his head. he can just make out kyungsoo’s legs approaching. he's never noticed how kyungsoo’s thighs were pretty thick for a man of his small stature. it reminds chanyeol of the way baekhyun fills out a pair of skin tight jeans.
“i wasn't talking about your quasi-date with baekhyun, i was talking about your job interview. it was yesterday, right?” kyungsoo takes a seat on the sofa and pats chanyeol through the duvet.
“oh, right. yeah, i think it went well.” in all honesty, chanyeol had forgotten all about it. he had been more preoccupied with baekhyun bailing on their “date” last night. or whatever the hell it had been. chanyeol had wanted to spend some one-on-one time with the man, keeping it casual, especially after what had happened after sehun’s birthday party the week prior. chanyeol hadn't wanted to appear too eager by asking baekhyun out in a formal date. slow and steady wins the race, and all that jazz. so a hang session at his apartment had been the plan.
but then baekhyun had cancelled last minute. “no big deal, right?” he had texted, and of course, chanyeol had played it cool and replied with “some other time, then.” but chanyeol had felt crushed, rejected, just like he had been when he was nineteen years old.
“so when do you find out?” kyungsoo asks, pulling the duvet off of his best friend, eyes gazing into the depths of chanyeol’s soul. chanyeol can only assume kyungsoo is trying to read his micro expressions.
“soon.” it's a lie. they had offered the job to him right there on the spot. but little had chanyeol known that the job was actually based in london, halfway across the globe. chanyeol could laugh at the irony. after having lost baekhyun to distance once already, chanyeol's not sure he could go through it again. it's pretty much a lose-lose situation; having one without the other. he feels conflicted-should he pursue the ideal job or the perfect man?
“so what are you going to do, then?” kyungsoo doesn’t even blink, his eyes boring holes straight through the back of chanyeol’s skull.
“wait till i hear back from them?” unnerved by his best friend’s intense stare, chanyeol looks away, breaking eye contact.
kyungsoo frowns. “i mean about baekhyun. have you told him about the new job opportunity?”
chanyeol shakes his head.
“are you going to?”
chanyeol shrugs his shoulders. “i don't know.” and he really doesn't. he isn't required to relocate until september-still five months away-but he does need to give them an answer by the end of the month. he lets out a loud sigh. “i don't really wanna think too much about it; whatever will be, will be.”
“okay, but just don't throw away something you've been working towards for the past few years. don't be crazy, like how does the saying go again? the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results?” kyungsoo sounds abnormally soft, the complete opposite of the tough and merciless attitude chanyeol has come to expect from the man.
kyungsoo’s words aren’t lost on chanyeol; he's got a lot of reflecting to do.
⏭
chanyeol is officially panicking; we’re talking defcon 1. after five welcome back parties thrown in baekhyun’s honour, three casual “bro” sessions at baekhyun’s apartment, and two rain check later (chanyeol and baekhyun each rescheduling), chanyeol is finally sitting across from baekhyun, at a fancy restaurant, on a date: baekhyun’s words, not his. chanyeol had been hesitant to label their not quite platonic, yet not quite romantic relationship.
technically speaking, baekhyun had been the one to ask chanyeol out, since it was he who canceled at the last minute the last time they were supposed to meet. baekhyun had suggested the upscale restaurant, far beyond the scope of chanyeol’s financial means. when he had said so, baekhyun had assured chanyeol not to worry, it would be his treat.
“like a date?” chanyeol had asked, his heart beating erratically in his chest. he’s fully aware that he shouldn't get his hopes up, but that flicker of hope is still burning, refusing to die out.
“like a date,” baekhyun had affirmed, with a smile bright enough to melt the largest of glaciers. so warm, the iceberg that sunk the titanic wouldn't have had shit on a byun baekhyun smile. this ship will go on, motherfucker.
“thirty five bucks for a pizza?” chanyeol gasps at the price tag. and that's one of the cheaper items on the menu. he wonders if the restaurant will allow him to snack on the complimentary breadsticks without actually ordering anything. probably not. “are you sure it's okay?” he asks for the fourth time that evening.
baekhyun nods his head. “go ahead, it's fine,” he says, the same stern expression still present from the moment chanyeol had sat down. they hadn't even greeted each other with the standard hug.
despite the words of reassurance, chanyeol feels slightly uncomfortable. baekhyun hasn't cracked a smile all evening, not even at any of chanyeol's jokes. they were some of his best material, and yet… nothing.
“so have you decided?” the waitress prompts chanyeol.
“ah, yes. can i have the capricorn pizza, please?” chanyeol orders, pointing to the dish on the menu for good measure.
“ah yes, one pizza capricciosa,” the waitress corrects, the way the foreign word rolls off her tongue leaving chanyeol green with envy. if only his tongue could do that, imagine baekhyun writhing with pleasure as chanyeol works his tongue-wait, focus. let's not spring a boner right now, shall we? “yes, thank you. and with extra cheese, please? but no olives,” chanyeol adds, shooting a wink at baekhyun before handing the menu back to the waitress.
“i thought you liked olives?” baekhyun asks. he takes a breadstick from the basket, taking a bite, and chanyeol can't help but stare at the man’s pretty pink lips.
“i do, but i know that you don't like them,” chanyeol tells him, thinking it to be a subtle but impactful romantic gesture. after all, baekhyun is the one paying for the meal, it would be a shame if he didn't enjoy it. maybe chanyeol could feed him, as he watches the delight on baekhyun’s face when he takes a bite.
“oh, i see.” baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
surprised by baekhyun’s reaction, chanyeol swiftly changes the topic, trying to avoid any awkwardness between them. “so, i was thinking-are you going to do anything for your birthday. because there's this show i think you would really enjoy, but we’ll need to book in advance. i was thinking i could take you and-”
“you’re smothering me, park chanyeol,” baekhyun says, cutting chanyeol off before he has the chance to finish speaking.
wait, where did that come from? chanyeol can't quite believing what he's hearing. “smothering you?”
“first with the olives, and now planning my birthday? it's not even till next month.” baekhyun looks away, avoiding eye contact with chanyeol.
“i don't see what the big deal is. all i did was order something without olives, it was supposed to be sweet! and i told you, we’ll need to book in advance. if you're not interested, it's fine. i'm not gonna cry about it. geez, it's not like i just proposed to you.” chanyeol can feel his blood pressure rising, anger bubbling to the surface. what's with the mixed signals?
“but these are things you do for your boyfriend, not your friend!” baekhyun hisses, and it attracts the attention of the tables surrounding them.
baekhyun’s words are like arrows piercing straight through chanyeol’s heart. “friend?” chanyeol scoffs at the term. “we’re not friends.”
“i don’t want my future all planned for me,” baekhyun says, lowering his voice to a near whisper.
“i think you've got the wrong idea here. no one’s planning anything. and i don't know about you but i don't take my friends to fancy places and offer to pay for their meal.” chanyeol shakes his head and sighs loudly. “friends, baek? really?”
“yeah, friends. because we broke up, park chanyeol.”
chanyeol doesn't need any reminders. “don't you think i know that?” he’s almost shouting now, but he doesn't give a flying fuck. why did baekhyun have to go there?
“but do you? because you're acting as if we’d hit pause five years ago and now we can just press play and start off where we’d left it. it doesn't work like that.”
“i wasn't expecting us to be exactly the same as we were, but can you blame me for thinking we were past the whole ‘first date’ bullshit? it's not like we don’t know each othe-”
“-but that's just it! we don't! you knew the teenage byun baekhyun, and i knew the teenage park chanyeol. you don't know who i am now, you don't know what i like anymore. and the same goes for me, you're not the same person you were five years ago, are you?”
baekhyun’s right; five years is a long time. chanyeol has experienced many different things during that time span, all of which has shaped him into the man he is today. but essentially, he's still the same person baekhyun had fallen in love with all those years ago.
“i know about the job offer, park chanyeol,” baekhyun says, when chanyeol fails to respond. “are you going to accept it?”
“i… i haven't decided.” it’s half true. chanyeol had planned on turning it down, to give his relationship with baekhyun another shot. there would be other jobs, but there was only one baekhyun.
“you should take it. you need to take it,” baekhyun tells him, and it isn't really a suggestion. “you can't stay for me. i didn't.”
“i know you didn't,” chanyeol says through gritted teeth. does baekhyun think he’d just forgotten all about it, the pain associated with what is still the worst experience in his life?
“i think i should go,” baekhyun announces, signalling to the waitress to prepare the bill.
now chanyeol understands why baekhyun had been acting different earlier. how is it, after all these years, they find themselves in the same situation-except that now the roles are reversed-and yet baekhyun is still the one to pull away, to quit on them? “so that's it? you and me. us, we’re done?” he asks, fighting back the urge to cry. it's futile though, as he feels his eyes start to well up. great, his emotions are betraying him as well.
baekhyun chews his bottom lip nervously. he closes his eyes for a few seconds, chanyeol can only assume that he's collecting his thoughts before speaking. “you know, i was so excited to move back. i couldn't wait to see you again, park chanyeol. at sehun’s birthday party, i almost jumped into your arms the second i saw you. but i wanted to take things slow, i didn't want to force anything. and after spending time with you, i really thought that maybe someday we could…” baekhyun trails off, and chanyeol can practically hear the sound of his heart breaking. where did it all go wrong? he really thought things could work this time around, after holding onto the love he's had for baekhyun all this time.
taking a deep breath, baekhyun continues, “but then i found out that you were willing to throw away your future, for the possibility that this-we-could lead somewhere. and that's when i realised, we’re very different people. because as selfish as it sounds, i wouldn't hesitate to leave again if presented with the opportunity. and i don't think i can give you what you're looking for. i'm sorry, park chanyeol.”
“i guess you haven't changed much then, have you?” chanyeol almost surprises himself with how bitter he sounds.
baekhyun flinches and there's a sadness in his eyes; chanyeol can tell it's not easy for him either. chanyeol immediately regrets sounding so cold and harsh.
“i’m sorry if i misled you into thinking that this was special, but the owner of this place is actually an old friend from uni. she invited me to visit because she unexpectedly had a table free up when someone cancelled their reservation. and the meal’s on the house, by the way,” baekhyun informs him, making chanyeol feel like a right twat. “and one more thing…”
what else is baekhyun going to say? chanyeol doesn't know if he can take anymore. it's all too overwhelming, like rubbing salt into a wound and then taking a bath in lemon juice.
“...i like olives now.”
chanyeol doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
sure, there had been no real reason why they had broken up the first time, blaming the distance for keeping them apart. but with this second “break up,” chanyeol realises it establishes a pattern. and just like all those years ago, chanyeol doesn’t feel a fire igniting from within, nothing to compel him to fight for the relationship and urge baekhyun to reconsider. he had just accepted it, just as he is now.
perhaps they aren't destined for each other, after all.
◼
chanyeol's never realised just how big his room is. after losing to kyungsoo at a game of rock, paper, scissors when they had just moved in, chanyeol had been shafted with the smaller of the two rooms. he had complained freely for an entire year before finally accepting that kyungsoo was never going to switch, no matter what he did. he scans the bare walls and empty spaces where his personal effects once were. he's going to miss the place, and all the precious memories associated with it.
“are you sure about this, chanyeol?” kyungsoo asks, standing by the door. “you're not just running away, are you?”
chanyeol smiles at his best friend. “no, i think for the first time, i’m not. i'm just finally letting go, for good this time.”
kyungsoo nods his head. “so, is everything clearly labelled? what's going into storage, what's being donated to charity, and what's being thrown away?” kyungsoo inspects the box, taking a peek at the contents to double check that none of the boxes had accidentally been mislabeled. “wait, you’re not keeping this?” he asks, picking up the rilakkuma teddy, the one with baekhyun’s voice message recorded in it.
“moving on, remember?” chanyeol can tell kyungsoo has reservations about chanyeol leaving for london, concerned that he isn't doing it for the right reasons. after a month of wailing at the television screen, “if ross and rachel can, why can't i?”, and countless pints of ice cream later, chanyeol feels like a new man.
there's a difference between leaving things unresolved and genuinely moving on. and for the first time, chanyeol genuinely feels at peace. he’s accepted that things didn’t work out and he doesn't regret a single thing. if anything, he's glad he put himself out there one last time, even if it did mean getting his heart broken again.
“for what it’s worth, i do think baekhyun really cares for you,” kyungsoo says.
kyungsoo, defending baekhyun? the whole concept throws chanyeol for a loop.
“don’t you mean ‘cared?’ past tense.”
kyungsoo shakes his head. “no, i think if i were in his position, i would’ve done the same thing. like, i know people might think baekhyun was a dick to have done what he did, but i think if he hadn’t, the two of you would be hurting right about now. a whole lot more than you are now.”
“yeah, i understand it now. i really do,” chanyeol says, unsure if he’s talking to kyungsoo or to himself. probably both. chanyeol truly believes that everything happens for a reason. if baekhyun hadn't moved back home, chanyeol would no doubt still be holding onto ‘what could’ve been.’ now, with the closure he had been missing for the past five years, it's time to say farewell and leave the past in the past, where it belongs.
⏏
“and i'd like to welcome the newest addition to our family, park chanyeol. i expect you to give him a warm welcome,” wu yifan, the ceo-and quite possibly the only man chanyeol’s met that stands taller than he-introduces chanyeol to the entire office floor.
it's been several years-three to be precise-since chanyeol last called this city home, after having relocated to london. he's visited on occasion, for kyungsoo and sehun’s engagement and their wedding the following year, but he genuinely had no intention of returning. he'd found a home in london, with new friends and new memories.
however, when he'd been presented with the opportunity to manage his own team back in his home city-with close to twice the annual salary-chanyeol had been swayed. kyungsoo’s strong arming also had played a part in chanyeol’s decision, “sehun and i are thinking about adopting, what kind of godfather would you be if you're halfway across the world?”
well, chanyeol had to come back, didn't he? to be the best godfather there ever was. it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he could now afford to deck out his entire apartment with rare ‘one piece’ vinyls and figurines. although chanyeol would miss london, he's happy that he was no longer required to pay the extortionate housing prices that went with living in the capital, with half his pay cheque going toward rent and utilities alone.
“there's someone i’d like you to meet, the two of you will be working closely together in the future and i'm anticipating great things from you both,” yifan continues, leading chanyeol through an open-space corridor. chanyeol's previous building had narrow, almost claustrophobic offices and cubicles. that and cramped commutes during rush hour on the underground had not been a good match with chanyeol’s six-foot frame.
chanyeol surveys the frosted glass panes, trying to deduce how large the space was behind the walls, excited to settle down in an office he could call his own. one where he could actually stretch out his arms without fear of knocking over his computer screen or leaving a dent in the filing cabinet.
“mr. byun?” yifan knocks on the glass twice before opening the door.
the familiar surname reminds chanyeol of a distant memory, and a wave of nostalgia washing over him. it's been such a long time since chanyeol had given thought to his first love, and he finds himself wondering what baekhyun is up to these days-if the man is still here in town or if he's moved away since they last spoke. chanyeol pushes the thought from his mind, instead focusing on the present. there's only one chance to make a good first impression, and chanyeol isn't going to fuck it up by indulging in old memories.
the man stands from his desk, and chanyeol's eyes must be playing tricks on him, because his new colleague looks an awful like his former lover. chanyeol must have repressed memories that are now floating back to surface if he’s projecting baekhyun’s face onto a complete stranger.
“i'd like you to meet byun baekhyun. mr. byun, please meet park chanyeol. he’ll be joining us today, so please offer your assistance to help him settle in.”
great, now he's hearing things. he could've sworn yifan had said ‘byun baekhyun.’
“park chanyeol?”
wait, even the voice is similar. chanyeol blinks at the man standing before him. there's a fleeting moment where chanyeol feels like he's having an out of body experience, it finally dawning on him that it's actually byun baekhyun. it's really him.
“do you two know each other?” yifan looks at chanyeol and then at baekhyun, eyes darting back and forth.
the question catches chanyeol off guard. his first instinct is to say yes, they've known each for years. but the truth is, chanyeol doesn't actually know baekhyun, not anymore anyway. and he hasn't known the man for a very long time. and the same can be said for baekhyun; he doesn't know the kind of man chanyeol is today. baekhyun doesn't know of chanyeol’s recently discovered intolerance to lactose; no more pizza and ice cream dates. or that he's learned how to play the guitar and has even started composing his own songs-some of which may or may not have been inspired by their past love.
“actually,” baekhyun starts, drawing chanyeol’s attention back to reality.
unsure of whether baekhyun intends to reveal their shared history, chanyeol interrupts, cutting baekhyun off mid sentence. “we don't, no,” chanyeol says, watching a look of shock flit across baekhyun’s face.
“no,” baekhyun echoes, his eyes meeting chanyeol’s as they share a knowing look.
“well, i look forward to working with you.” chanyeol smiles, shaking the hand that he knows almost as well as his own-the delicate fingers he used to kiss, the familiar gentle touch that used to explore his body, the fingernails that used to dig into his back during a session of passionate lovemaking.
not letting go of chanyeol’s hand, baekhyun nods his head. “likewise, mr. park.”
⟳
Prompt#: 400
Title: the bridge to tomorrow
Word Count: 6,650
Side Pairing(s): kyungsoo/sehun
Rating: pg-13
Warning(s):[click to open]broken!baekhyun/chanyeol
Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: chanyeol discovers that the only constant in life is change.
Author's Note: a big thanks to everyone who helped me with this fic, i couldn't have done it without you guys.
AO3 ver.
►
chanyeol glances at the clock for the umpteenth time. it's 6:47pm, same as it had been the last time he looked. he checks his outfit, just to make sure there aren't any stains, despite having just picked up the garments from the dry cleaner a mere hour earlier and, once dressed, taken care to avoid anything that potentially could ruin his favourite dress shirt. he even refrained from drinking water, even though he was feeling rather parched, what with all the running around like a headless chicken whilst getting ready for the “what comes before part b? that's right, part-a,”for fear it would result in a spillage. knowing chanyeol, it would be bound to happen. he's not exactly a man of grace. quite the opposite, in fact. chanyeol has been known to trip over his own two feet. multiple times. all within the span of four seconds.
“aren't you done yeeeeeeet?” chanyeol drags out the last word for emphasis. he takes another look at his watch. 6:48pm. “kyungsoo-yaaaaaah, we’re going to be laaaaaaaaate.” he doesn't even care if he's acting juvenile, serves kyungsoo right for taking forever.
“relax, the party doesn't start till seven. i still need to change,” kyungsoo replies from his room, showing no indications of being ready to leave anytime soon.
“exactly, and it's going to take us at least thirty minutes to get there. we should've left like fifteen minutes agooooooooo.” chanyeol scrunches his nose and folds his arms in indignation, even if kyungsoo is in another room and out of sight. he's been raring to go for the last twenty minutes, twenty painstakingly slow minutes. but instead, he's been waiting for his housemate, and best friend, to get a move on. for someone so low maintenance-most days, he doesn't even bother running a comb through his hair-kyungsoo sure takes an awful long time to get ready.
finally emerging from his room, looking the same as usual, no extra effort made in the slightest, kyungsoo approaches chanyeol before flicking him on the forehead. “who arrives to a party on time?”
“it's your boyfriend’s birthday party, shouldn't you want to be the first one there?” chanyeol asks, rubbing the sore spot on his face. it better not have left a mark-chanyeol needs to look flawless.
kyungsoo rolls his eyes, something chanyeol has witnessed often. “sehun’s his own person, he doesn't need me babysitting him. and sehun already told me that baekhyun isn't arriving till much later. so, seriously. relax.”
baekhyun. byun baekhyun. just hearing the name causes chanyeol’s heart to beat faster, his stomach somersaulting like an olympic gold medalist.
“i wasn't even-”
“save it, park chanyeol. you're an open book. i know you're excited baekhyun’s back in town, but you really need to play it cool. it’s been what, five years? you never know, baekhyun might not even remember you.”
chanyeol stands to his feet, stomping to his room to fetch his most prized possession; a rilakkuma plushie. it’s not your average, run-of-the-mill teddy bear. this one speaks. returning to the lounge, chanyeol practically thrusts the stuffed toy into kyungsoo’s face, squeezing the right paw as he does so. “‘i love you, chanyeollie, for life.’ are these the words of someone who would just forget you?” chanyeol squawks, pressing the paw one more time to drive the message home.
“but you guys broke up. for life, my arse.” leave it to do kyungsoo not to mince words.
it's true though, they had broken up and it’s still a painful memory, one that chanyeol tried his very best to repress. “but, it's not like either of us did anything wrong, or that we kept fighting, or even that we stopped loving each other. it was just… circumstances.”
chanyeol had always believed they would go the distance. in fact, so did everyone else. chanyeol and baekhyun began dating their first year of high school, becoming inseparable. they had planned their future together, applying to the same course, at the same university. a wrench was thrown in the works when baekhyun had been accepted, and chanyeol had not. and unfortunately for chanyeol, the university was inconveniently located hundreds of miles away. chanyeol hoped that baekhyun would turn down the offer, opting to attend the same university as he. not that he dared to express this, it had to be baekhyun’s decision, of his own volition. chanyeol hadn't wanted baekhyun ever to regret his choice, or worse, resent chanyeol for holding him back.
in the end, baekhyun packed his things and moved to the other side of the country, and chanyeol had stayed behind. as many couples had before, they tried the long distance thing for a while, managing to last almost an entire year. that is, until their first summer break, when baekhyun finally returned home. chanyeol expected to spend their days (and nights) together, to make up for all the time they’d lost. baekhyun, however, had made vacation plans with his new friends and would only be in town for one week out of the two months before the start of the new academic year.
with baekhyun finding himself far too busy to juggle a relationship in addition to his new life at university, and chanyeol having far too much spare time on his hands, it seemed they were no longer a match made in heaven, as friends had often described the couple. ultimately, they decided that years apart were not going to work, and it would just be delaying the inevitable if they continued to date. although initiated by baekhyun, it had been an amicable breakup, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.
chanyeol had been devastated, inconsolable for the first month, refusing to leave his room save for lectures. if it hadn't been for kyungsoo, his dorm mate at the time, chanyeol isn't sure he would've made it through the breakup intact. sure, kyungsoo isn't a coddler, believing in tough love instead, but it had worked. in time, chanyeol had found himself smiling, enjoying himself. and most importantly, he had stopped reminiscing about the good times he'd shared with baekhyun.
chanyeol had actually been convinced that kyungsoo was in love with him for a short period. and chanyeol had felt conflicted, not wanting to ruin their friendship should things not work out. a further complication being that they lived together. as his mother often told him,“don't shit where you eat.” it hadn't been until chanyeol had walked in on kyungsoo and his boyfriend mid-coitus that chanyeol discovered that his friend had absolutely no romantic interest in him. chanyeol had simultaneously experienced both rejection and relief. when chanyeol had finally confessed to his roommate about it, kyungsoo had laughed for twelve straight minutes. that's real friendship for you.
“but seriously though, you should get back out there,” kyungsoo had said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
but chanyeol didn’t want to be with anyone else. he still loved baekhyun. recalling baekhyun’s parting words, “in the future, if we’re both still single, you'd better look me up, park chanyeol.” chanyeol held onto the sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll be reunited someday.
and now that day has finally arrived; baekhyun is back. and chanyeol has it on good authority that baekhyun is single and available. it had to be a sign, a fate written in the stars. five years on, chanyeol was still very much single, his (very few) relationships after baekhyun having been short-lived.
this is meant to be.
⏩
“this isn't exactly how i had envisioned my night would go down,” chanyeol says, turning off the tap. he's standing in the kitchen, half naked, no less, handwashing his favourite dress shirt. the formerly white dress shirt that now reeks of booze and vomit, courtesy of a certain kim junmyeon, who apparently can't hold his liquor. and with baekhyun nowhere in sight, chanyeol is squandering a perfectly valid excuse to show off his hard rock abs. okay, so he may have had a little help shaping his body with the magic of makeup and contour via tutorials he had watched on youtube. but nonetheless, chanyeol is at his prime, but it's going unappreciated.
chanyeol had tried to play it cool when baekhyun had first arrived to sehun’s birthday party, finally showing his (beautiful) face at 11pm, three hours after chanyeol had arrived. which meant several hours of door watching, discreetly masking his disappointment when guests who weren't baekhyun poured through the door.
“hey, you,” baekhyun had greeted with a toothy grin, smile reaching to his eyes.
man, how chanyeol had missed baekhyun’s smile, the sound of his voice, his everything.
“hey, yourself,” chanyeol had replied, summoning everything in is willpower not to pull the man into his arms and never let go. chanyeol had expected baekhyun to stick around, recounting stories of what he'd been up to these past five years. chanyeol had already rehearsed his epic recollections that would, no doubt, captivate the other.
however, to chanyeol’s dismay, baekhyun had dropped a “see you around” right off of the bat, not one minute after their first encounter. it had been pretty anticlimactic, to say the least.
“is that it? five years and that's all i get? a ‘hey, you’ and a ‘see you around?’ really?” chanyeol had muttered under his breath, his eyes following baekhyun as the man walked off to greet other guests. chanyeol had made a conscious effort not to stare at his ex, while still making sure to keep an eye on him through his peripheral. baekhyun was having a good time. without him. it was like five years ago all over again, and so, chanyeol had sought solace in the bottom of his red plastic cup.
fast forward three hours and copious amounts of alcohol later, chanyeol still hadn't exchanged another word with baekhyun. in hindsight, drinking with junmyeon had been a terrible idea. it's a known fact that junmyeon was a lightweight, and in spite of this, the man had been adamant that he could continue drinking. shot after shot had been poured and downed, until they made an unwelcome reappearance. all over chanyeol’s shirt.
chanyeol inspects the garment to survey the damage; it's painful.
“i think it's a goner,” chanyeol hears from behind him.
chanyeol smiles; he would recognise that voice anywhere. “yeah, i think you're right. so, how are you enjoying yourself, baek?” he asks, turning around to face the man.
baekhyun nods his head. “enjoying myself more now i'm doing a bit of sightseeing. things sure have changed since the last time i was here.”
baekhyun has always been a natural flirt, it had been one of the many reasons why chanyeol was drawn to his former flame in the first place. “my eyes are up here,” chanyeol teases as he flexes his muscles, all those gruelling hours in the gym having finally paid off.
“you look good, park chanyeol.”
chanyeol had almost forgotten the way baekhyun spoke his name. baekhyun rarely addressed him by just his first name, it had always been by his full name. unless he was feeling particular affectionate, then he would refer to him by ‘chanyeollie.’ but now, chanyeol doubts he’ll ever hear the nickname spill from baekhyun’s lips again. he'll have to settle for the voice message baekhyun had recorded all those years ago.
“you too, baek.” chanyeol feels a little daring-must be the liquid courage surging through his veins-and places a hand on baekhyun's cheek, caressing the soft skin with his thumb. he feels baekhyun leaning into his touch, as they maintain eye contact, neither saying a word.
“so, how's the shirt situation going? oh, am i disturbing something?” a new voice appears from behind them. it's kyungsoo.
chanyeol flinches and withdraws his hand from baekhyun’s face. “no, we were just talking.”
“right, talking. anyway, i'm just gonna go grab one of sehun’s shirts for you. as you were,” kyungsoo says, taking two slow steps back before fleeing the scene.
real subtle, kyungsoo.
“so, you and kyungsoo. you guys ever hook up?” baekhyun asks, a very subtle hint of jealousy seeping through.
chanyeol shakes his head. “nah, but he's an amazing guy. the best, actually.”
“i see.” there's an expression on baekhyun’s face, but chanyeol can't decipher it. “it's such a small world, isn't it?”
chanyeol isn't sure if it's a rhetorical question or not. baekhyun had been referring to the fact that he had found himself working at the same company as sehun. sehun who just so happens to be kyungsoo’s boyfriend and kyungsoo just so happens to be chanyeol’s best friend and housemate. all coincidental-talk about six degrees of separation.
silence fills the room, but the atmosphere is different from before kyungsoo interrupted them; it's stifling and verging on uncomfortable.
“so, how about we return to all the fun? i’m sure junmyeon’s passed out somewhere with pensises drawn all over his face,” chanyeol suggests, ending the awkward tension.
“but what if i'm having more fun here?” baekhyun asks, a playful lilt in his voice and a smile surfacing once more. “i'm enjoying the view.”
“well, if you play your cards right, maybe you'll see more of this,” chanyeol jokes, before the implications of his words settle in. shit. what if he took it too far and scared baekhyun away?
“oh, i’m not nearly drunk enough for that, park chanyeol.” baekhyun laughs, and chanyeol gives him a playful shove.
“shall we?” chanyeol asks, extending a hand out to the other.
“we shall,” baekhyun answers, taking chanyeol’s hand and lacing their fingers together. returning to the party, and to the table of drinks. baekhyun hands a plastic cup to chanyeol. “fill ‘er up.”
“chanyeol, would you put a fucking shirt on? no one wants to see your wonky nip nops!”
ignoring the insult, chanyeol averts his attention to baekhyun and pours a generous amount of alcohol into the cup. after serving himself his own drink, chanyeol clinks his cup with baekhyun’s. “time for the fun to begin!”
⏩
“shit, how much do you weigh, baek?” chanyeol groans, his muscles screaming in pain as he lugs the dead weight that is byun baekhyun into his apartment. baekhyun may have gone a little too hard with the liquor, and is most likely a fire hazard at this point.
“i’m preparing my body for the winter, gotta keep myself warm. sssshhh,” baekhyun replies, spraying chanyeol with a fine mist of saliva.
chanyeol can tell, baekhyun is far from chubby. the man’s body is toned, firm. the mere thought of baekhyun’s body pressed against his sends shivers of anticipation down chanyeol’s spine.
“it's april, baek.” chanyeol sighs, dropping baekhyun onto his bed and proceeding to remove the inebriated man’s shoes.
“stop, that tickles!” baekhyun starts to giggle, flailing his limbs, catching chanyeol's head with his left foot. “why’d you headbutt me for?” baekhyun whimpers and rolls across the mattress, tussling with the sheets.
chanyeol exhales, not quite sure how to deal with such an intoxicated baekhyun. in all the years they dated, baekhyun had never gotten this drunk before. granted, they weren't legally allowed to consume alcohol for the majority of the time they were dating, but baekhyun had never shown interest in that kind of lifestyle. “i don't need alcohol to have a good time,” he used to say. this baekhyun-twenty-four-year-old baekhyun-is different. chanyeol thought he knew him better than anyone, but it seems that things have changed. chanyeol brushes the man’s hair away from his face. baekhyun still looks the same, his face untouched by time. “what am i going to do with you, baek?” he asks quietly under his breath.
“take me, pork chanbeol,” baekhyun slurs, wrapping his legs around chanyeol’s body. “take me like one of your french men.”
as tempting as it sounds, chanyeol has always been a gentleman. if anything were to happen between them, chanyeol would only accept it the proper way, and that meant both parties sober. “i think it's time we say night night.”
“noooooo, don't leave meeeee,” baekhyun whines, burying his face into chanyeol’s chest and squeezes him even tighter.
peeling off the clinging man, chanyeol leans in and kisses a semi-conscious baekhyun on the forehead. “goodnight, baek.” rising to his feet, chanyeol takes another look at baekhyun. he turns to leave when he hears a quiet voice.
“i’ve missed you, chanyeollie.”
chanyeol freezes, his body suddenly forgetting how to move. he's not even sure if he's actually breathing. slowly turning to face baekhyun, he sees the man looking back up at him. “stay? please?” baekhyun’s voice is quiet, but chanyeol can hear him loud and clear.
never one to deny baekhyun, he nods, and baekhyun shuffles over to make room for chanyeol’s long frame. chanyeol climbs onto the bed, pulling the sheet over them. he doesn't fall asleep, instead, he deliberates the consequences of the night’s turn of events and what it would mean in regards to the future of their relationship. does this mean baekhyun is open to getting back together? will this be a one time only thing? or will they become friends with benefits? questions flood chanyeol’s mind, and he wonders if he should broach the topic come morning, or if he should wait until baekhyun mentions it. he’s still deliberating which course of action he should take when baekhyun speaks again, interrupting his train of thought.
“i love you, chanyeollie, for life.”
chanyeol’s blood turns cold. those exact words had sounded awfully similar. it takes a few seconds before it dawns on him. shit. it hadn't been baekhyun-the man sleeping beside him-but a recording of the very same man.
“what was that?” baekhyun asks, stirring slightly, his voice thick with sleep.
“nothing. you're dreaming, go back to sleep,” chanyeol tells him, silently praying that baekhyun is too tired to continue any line of questioning.
“too hot,” baekhyun mumbles, kicking the sheet off his body.
“i love you, chanyeollie, for life.”
upon hearing it the recording for a second time, baekhyun sits upright, his hands patting the bed to locate the source. a minute passes, silently, as chanyeol holds his breath.
“you...you kept this? all this time?” baekhyun asks, holding the bear out to chanyeol, sounding much more sober.
“er, yeah? i mean, you gave him to me. of course i kept it.” chanyeol laughs nervously. he feels baekhyun settling back into the mattress, turned away from him. “baek?” chanyeol calls his name but the man doesn't respond. chanyeol pulls baekhyun closer, but feels the man squirm out of his hold.
“goodnight, park chanyeol.”
“night, baek.”
⏭
“so how did it go?”
“he stood me up,” chanyeol says, a blanket thrown over his head. he can just make out kyungsoo’s legs approaching. he's never noticed how kyungsoo’s thighs were pretty thick for a man of his small stature. it reminds chanyeol of the way baekhyun fills out a pair of skin tight jeans.
“i wasn't talking about your quasi-date with baekhyun, i was talking about your job interview. it was yesterday, right?” kyungsoo takes a seat on the sofa and pats chanyeol through the duvet.
“oh, right. yeah, i think it went well.” in all honesty, chanyeol had forgotten all about it. he had been more preoccupied with baekhyun bailing on their “date” last night. or whatever the hell it had been. chanyeol had wanted to spend some one-on-one time with the man, keeping it casual, especially after what had happened after sehun’s birthday party the week prior. chanyeol hadn't wanted to appear too eager by asking baekhyun out in a formal date. slow and steady wins the race, and all that jazz. so a hang session at his apartment had been the plan.
but then baekhyun had cancelled last minute. “no big deal, right?” he had texted, and of course, chanyeol had played it cool and replied with “some other time, then.” but chanyeol had felt crushed, rejected, just like he had been when he was nineteen years old.
“so when do you find out?” kyungsoo asks, pulling the duvet off of his best friend, eyes gazing into the depths of chanyeol’s soul. chanyeol can only assume kyungsoo is trying to read his micro expressions.
“soon.” it's a lie. they had offered the job to him right there on the spot. but little had chanyeol known that the job was actually based in london, halfway across the globe. chanyeol could laugh at the irony. after having lost baekhyun to distance once already, chanyeol's not sure he could go through it again. it's pretty much a lose-lose situation; having one without the other. he feels conflicted-should he pursue the ideal job or the perfect man?
“so what are you going to do, then?” kyungsoo doesn’t even blink, his eyes boring holes straight through the back of chanyeol’s skull.
“wait till i hear back from them?” unnerved by his best friend’s intense stare, chanyeol looks away, breaking eye contact.
kyungsoo frowns. “i mean about baekhyun. have you told him about the new job opportunity?”
chanyeol shakes his head.
“are you going to?”
chanyeol shrugs his shoulders. “i don't know.” and he really doesn't. he isn't required to relocate until september-still five months away-but he does need to give them an answer by the end of the month. he lets out a loud sigh. “i don't really wanna think too much about it; whatever will be, will be.”
“okay, but just don't throw away something you've been working towards for the past few years. don't be crazy, like how does the saying go again? the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results?” kyungsoo sounds abnormally soft, the complete opposite of the tough and merciless attitude chanyeol has come to expect from the man.
kyungsoo’s words aren’t lost on chanyeol; he's got a lot of reflecting to do.
⏭
chanyeol is officially panicking; we’re talking defcon 1. after five welcome back parties thrown in baekhyun’s honour, three casual “bro” sessions at baekhyun’s apartment, and two rain check later (chanyeol and baekhyun each rescheduling), chanyeol is finally sitting across from baekhyun, at a fancy restaurant, on a date: baekhyun’s words, not his. chanyeol had been hesitant to label their not quite platonic, yet not quite romantic relationship.
technically speaking, baekhyun had been the one to ask chanyeol out, since it was he who canceled at the last minute the last time they were supposed to meet. baekhyun had suggested the upscale restaurant, far beyond the scope of chanyeol’s financial means. when he had said so, baekhyun had assured chanyeol not to worry, it would be his treat.
“like a date?” chanyeol had asked, his heart beating erratically in his chest. he’s fully aware that he shouldn't get his hopes up, but that flicker of hope is still burning, refusing to die out.
“like a date,” baekhyun had affirmed, with a smile bright enough to melt the largest of glaciers. so warm, the iceberg that sunk the titanic wouldn't have had shit on a byun baekhyun smile. this ship will go on, motherfucker.
“thirty five bucks for a pizza?” chanyeol gasps at the price tag. and that's one of the cheaper items on the menu. he wonders if the restaurant will allow him to snack on the complimentary breadsticks without actually ordering anything. probably not. “are you sure it's okay?” he asks for the fourth time that evening.
baekhyun nods his head. “go ahead, it's fine,” he says, the same stern expression still present from the moment chanyeol had sat down. they hadn't even greeted each other with the standard hug.
despite the words of reassurance, chanyeol feels slightly uncomfortable. baekhyun hasn't cracked a smile all evening, not even at any of chanyeol's jokes. they were some of his best material, and yet… nothing.
“so have you decided?” the waitress prompts chanyeol.
“ah, yes. can i have the capricorn pizza, please?” chanyeol orders, pointing to the dish on the menu for good measure.
“ah yes, one pizza capricciosa,” the waitress corrects, the way the foreign word rolls off her tongue leaving chanyeol green with envy. if only his tongue could do that, imagine baekhyun writhing with pleasure as chanyeol works his tongue-wait, focus. let's not spring a boner right now, shall we? “yes, thank you. and with extra cheese, please? but no olives,” chanyeol adds, shooting a wink at baekhyun before handing the menu back to the waitress.
“i thought you liked olives?” baekhyun asks. he takes a breadstick from the basket, taking a bite, and chanyeol can't help but stare at the man’s pretty pink lips.
“i do, but i know that you don't like them,” chanyeol tells him, thinking it to be a subtle but impactful romantic gesture. after all, baekhyun is the one paying for the meal, it would be a shame if he didn't enjoy it. maybe chanyeol could feed him, as he watches the delight on baekhyun’s face when he takes a bite.
“oh, i see.” baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
surprised by baekhyun’s reaction, chanyeol swiftly changes the topic, trying to avoid any awkwardness between them. “so, i was thinking-are you going to do anything for your birthday. because there's this show i think you would really enjoy, but we’ll need to book in advance. i was thinking i could take you and-”
“you’re smothering me, park chanyeol,” baekhyun says, cutting chanyeol off before he has the chance to finish speaking.
wait, where did that come from? chanyeol can't quite believing what he's hearing. “smothering you?”
“first with the olives, and now planning my birthday? it's not even till next month.” baekhyun looks away, avoiding eye contact with chanyeol.
“i don't see what the big deal is. all i did was order something without olives, it was supposed to be sweet! and i told you, we’ll need to book in advance. if you're not interested, it's fine. i'm not gonna cry about it. geez, it's not like i just proposed to you.” chanyeol can feel his blood pressure rising, anger bubbling to the surface. what's with the mixed signals?
“but these are things you do for your boyfriend, not your friend!” baekhyun hisses, and it attracts the attention of the tables surrounding them.
baekhyun’s words are like arrows piercing straight through chanyeol’s heart. “friend?” chanyeol scoffs at the term. “we’re not friends.”
“i don’t want my future all planned for me,” baekhyun says, lowering his voice to a near whisper.
“i think you've got the wrong idea here. no one’s planning anything. and i don't know about you but i don't take my friends to fancy places and offer to pay for their meal.” chanyeol shakes his head and sighs loudly. “friends, baek? really?”
“yeah, friends. because we broke up, park chanyeol.”
chanyeol doesn't need any reminders. “don't you think i know that?” he’s almost shouting now, but he doesn't give a flying fuck. why did baekhyun have to go there?
“but do you? because you're acting as if we’d hit pause five years ago and now we can just press play and start off where we’d left it. it doesn't work like that.”
“i wasn't expecting us to be exactly the same as we were, but can you blame me for thinking we were past the whole ‘first date’ bullshit? it's not like we don’t know each othe-”
“-but that's just it! we don't! you knew the teenage byun baekhyun, and i knew the teenage park chanyeol. you don't know who i am now, you don't know what i like anymore. and the same goes for me, you're not the same person you were five years ago, are you?”
baekhyun’s right; five years is a long time. chanyeol has experienced many different things during that time span, all of which has shaped him into the man he is today. but essentially, he's still the same person baekhyun had fallen in love with all those years ago.
“i know about the job offer, park chanyeol,” baekhyun says, when chanyeol fails to respond. “are you going to accept it?”
“i… i haven't decided.” it’s half true. chanyeol had planned on turning it down, to give his relationship with baekhyun another shot. there would be other jobs, but there was only one baekhyun.
“you should take it. you need to take it,” baekhyun tells him, and it isn't really a suggestion. “you can't stay for me. i didn't.”
“i know you didn't,” chanyeol says through gritted teeth. does baekhyun think he’d just forgotten all about it, the pain associated with what is still the worst experience in his life?
“i think i should go,” baekhyun announces, signalling to the waitress to prepare the bill.
now chanyeol understands why baekhyun had been acting different earlier. how is it, after all these years, they find themselves in the same situation-except that now the roles are reversed-and yet baekhyun is still the one to pull away, to quit on them? “so that's it? you and me. us, we’re done?” he asks, fighting back the urge to cry. it's futile though, as he feels his eyes start to well up. great, his emotions are betraying him as well.
baekhyun chews his bottom lip nervously. he closes his eyes for a few seconds, chanyeol can only assume that he's collecting his thoughts before speaking. “you know, i was so excited to move back. i couldn't wait to see you again, park chanyeol. at sehun’s birthday party, i almost jumped into your arms the second i saw you. but i wanted to take things slow, i didn't want to force anything. and after spending time with you, i really thought that maybe someday we could…” baekhyun trails off, and chanyeol can practically hear the sound of his heart breaking. where did it all go wrong? he really thought things could work this time around, after holding onto the love he's had for baekhyun all this time.
taking a deep breath, baekhyun continues, “but then i found out that you were willing to throw away your future, for the possibility that this-we-could lead somewhere. and that's when i realised, we’re very different people. because as selfish as it sounds, i wouldn't hesitate to leave again if presented with the opportunity. and i don't think i can give you what you're looking for. i'm sorry, park chanyeol.”
“i guess you haven't changed much then, have you?” chanyeol almost surprises himself with how bitter he sounds.
baekhyun flinches and there's a sadness in his eyes; chanyeol can tell it's not easy for him either. chanyeol immediately regrets sounding so cold and harsh.
“i’m sorry if i misled you into thinking that this was special, but the owner of this place is actually an old friend from uni. she invited me to visit because she unexpectedly had a table free up when someone cancelled their reservation. and the meal’s on the house, by the way,” baekhyun informs him, making chanyeol feel like a right twat. “and one more thing…”
what else is baekhyun going to say? chanyeol doesn't know if he can take anymore. it's all too overwhelming, like rubbing salt into a wound and then taking a bath in lemon juice.
“...i like olives now.”
chanyeol doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
sure, there had been no real reason why they had broken up the first time, blaming the distance for keeping them apart. but with this second “break up,” chanyeol realises it establishes a pattern. and just like all those years ago, chanyeol doesn’t feel a fire igniting from within, nothing to compel him to fight for the relationship and urge baekhyun to reconsider. he had just accepted it, just as he is now.
perhaps they aren't destined for each other, after all.
◼
chanyeol's never realised just how big his room is. after losing to kyungsoo at a game of rock, paper, scissors when they had just moved in, chanyeol had been shafted with the smaller of the two rooms. he had complained freely for an entire year before finally accepting that kyungsoo was never going to switch, no matter what he did. he scans the bare walls and empty spaces where his personal effects once were. he's going to miss the place, and all the precious memories associated with it.
“are you sure about this, chanyeol?” kyungsoo asks, standing by the door. “you're not just running away, are you?”
chanyeol smiles at his best friend. “no, i think for the first time, i’m not. i'm just finally letting go, for good this time.”
kyungsoo nods his head. “so, is everything clearly labelled? what's going into storage, what's being donated to charity, and what's being thrown away?” kyungsoo inspects the box, taking a peek at the contents to double check that none of the boxes had accidentally been mislabeled. “wait, you’re not keeping this?” he asks, picking up the rilakkuma teddy, the one with baekhyun’s voice message recorded in it.
“moving on, remember?” chanyeol can tell kyungsoo has reservations about chanyeol leaving for london, concerned that he isn't doing it for the right reasons. after a month of wailing at the television screen, “if ross and rachel can, why can't i?”, and countless pints of ice cream later, chanyeol feels like a new man.
there's a difference between leaving things unresolved and genuinely moving on. and for the first time, chanyeol genuinely feels at peace. he’s accepted that things didn’t work out and he doesn't regret a single thing. if anything, he's glad he put himself out there one last time, even if it did mean getting his heart broken again.
“for what it’s worth, i do think baekhyun really cares for you,” kyungsoo says.
kyungsoo, defending baekhyun? the whole concept throws chanyeol for a loop.
“don’t you mean ‘cared?’ past tense.”
kyungsoo shakes his head. “no, i think if i were in his position, i would’ve done the same thing. like, i know people might think baekhyun was a dick to have done what he did, but i think if he hadn’t, the two of you would be hurting right about now. a whole lot more than you are now.”
“yeah, i understand it now. i really do,” chanyeol says, unsure if he’s talking to kyungsoo or to himself. probably both. chanyeol truly believes that everything happens for a reason. if baekhyun hadn't moved back home, chanyeol would no doubt still be holding onto ‘what could’ve been.’ now, with the closure he had been missing for the past five years, it's time to say farewell and leave the past in the past, where it belongs.
⏏
“and i'd like to welcome the newest addition to our family, park chanyeol. i expect you to give him a warm welcome,” wu yifan, the ceo-and quite possibly the only man chanyeol’s met that stands taller than he-introduces chanyeol to the entire office floor.
it's been several years-three to be precise-since chanyeol last called this city home, after having relocated to london. he's visited on occasion, for kyungsoo and sehun’s engagement and their wedding the following year, but he genuinely had no intention of returning. he'd found a home in london, with new friends and new memories.
however, when he'd been presented with the opportunity to manage his own team back in his home city-with close to twice the annual salary-chanyeol had been swayed. kyungsoo’s strong arming also had played a part in chanyeol’s decision, “sehun and i are thinking about adopting, what kind of godfather would you be if you're halfway across the world?”
well, chanyeol had to come back, didn't he? to be the best godfather there ever was. it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he could now afford to deck out his entire apartment with rare ‘one piece’ vinyls and figurines. although chanyeol would miss london, he's happy that he was no longer required to pay the extortionate housing prices that went with living in the capital, with half his pay cheque going toward rent and utilities alone.
“there's someone i’d like you to meet, the two of you will be working closely together in the future and i'm anticipating great things from you both,” yifan continues, leading chanyeol through an open-space corridor. chanyeol's previous building had narrow, almost claustrophobic offices and cubicles. that and cramped commutes during rush hour on the underground had not been a good match with chanyeol’s six-foot frame.
chanyeol surveys the frosted glass panes, trying to deduce how large the space was behind the walls, excited to settle down in an office he could call his own. one where he could actually stretch out his arms without fear of knocking over his computer screen or leaving a dent in the filing cabinet.
“mr. byun?” yifan knocks on the glass twice before opening the door.
the familiar surname reminds chanyeol of a distant memory, and a wave of nostalgia washing over him. it's been such a long time since chanyeol had given thought to his first love, and he finds himself wondering what baekhyun is up to these days-if the man is still here in town or if he's moved away since they last spoke. chanyeol pushes the thought from his mind, instead focusing on the present. there's only one chance to make a good first impression, and chanyeol isn't going to fuck it up by indulging in old memories.
the man stands from his desk, and chanyeol's eyes must be playing tricks on him, because his new colleague looks an awful like his former lover. chanyeol must have repressed memories that are now floating back to surface if he’s projecting baekhyun’s face onto a complete stranger.
“i'd like you to meet byun baekhyun. mr. byun, please meet park chanyeol. he’ll be joining us today, so please offer your assistance to help him settle in.”
great, now he's hearing things. he could've sworn yifan had said ‘byun baekhyun.’
“park chanyeol?”
wait, even the voice is similar. chanyeol blinks at the man standing before him. there's a fleeting moment where chanyeol feels like he's having an out of body experience, it finally dawning on him that it's actually byun baekhyun. it's really him.
“do you two know each other?” yifan looks at chanyeol and then at baekhyun, eyes darting back and forth.
the question catches chanyeol off guard. his first instinct is to say yes, they've known each for years. but the truth is, chanyeol doesn't actually know baekhyun, not anymore anyway. and he hasn't known the man for a very long time. and the same can be said for baekhyun; he doesn't know the kind of man chanyeol is today. baekhyun doesn't know of chanyeol’s recently discovered intolerance to lactose; no more pizza and ice cream dates. or that he's learned how to play the guitar and has even started composing his own songs-some of which may or may not have been inspired by their past love.
“actually,” baekhyun starts, drawing chanyeol’s attention back to reality.
unsure of whether baekhyun intends to reveal their shared history, chanyeol interrupts, cutting baekhyun off mid sentence. “we don't, no,” chanyeol says, watching a look of shock flit across baekhyun’s face.
“no,” baekhyun echoes, his eyes meeting chanyeol’s as they share a knowing look.
“well, i look forward to working with you.” chanyeol smiles, shaking the hand that he knows almost as well as his own-the delicate fingers he used to kiss, the familiar gentle touch that used to explore his body, the fingernails that used to dig into his back during a session of passionate lovemaking.
not letting go of chanyeol’s hand, baekhyun nods his head. “likewise, mr. park.”
⟳