Tilted (15/15)
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“I think you’re ready to leave here,” Minseok told Yixing one morning as they returned to the house from the stables in the back of the property. The first promises of winter came faster here, away from the city, and snow flurries floated around them. “I’m sure you’re anxious to see your family. Your friends.”
Yixing nodded without saying anything as they stepped inside.
Minseok sighed as he hung up his coat in the closet by the door. “You really miss him, don’t you?”
Yixing paused with his own coat halfway off and looked at him, surprised. He hadn’t mentioned Sehun since that first day, but he had no doubt that’s who Minseok was referring to. He supposed that all Guardians must be as perceptive as Lu Han, or nearly so.
He realized that Minseok had asked another question and shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you’ve given any thought to what it’ll be like...to really go home?”
“I have,” Yixing said, nodding. “I think it’ll be strange. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m not sure anyone will believe the truth...well, except maybe one person.”
“Who’s that?” Minseok asked curiously.
“My friend Zitao, who I lived with. He believed all the legends, I’m sure he still does.” Yixing smiled, thinking about how wrong he and Kyungsoo had been.
When he returned to his room, he packed a small bag of essentials that Minseok had given him. He no longer had anything from Joonmyun’s world with him, he realized, with a bit of sadness. He put down the shirt he’d been folding and thought about Joonmyun, as he often did. He wondered how he was doing, whether he still left all his clothes lying around on the floor in his fancy apartment, how things were at the company, whether he still ate lunch with Chanyeol and Jongin and bought drinks for Jongdae at the jazz club and whether they missed Yixing as much as he missed them. He finished folding his shirt and swallowed around the lump in his throat.
He opened all the dresser drawers to make sure there was nothing left in them and closed them back up one by one. When he made it to the bottom drawer, something glinted at him from the corner and his hand froze in the process of pushing it closed. It was his old phone. Yixing remembered that he’d shoved it into his pocket the night he’d left Joonmyun’s world, for good luck or something like that. He turned it over in his hand and called down the hallway, “Minseok! Can I borrow your phone charger?”
Yixing felt a wave of nostalgia when his phone wallpaper of the sun and the moon in the sky greeted him. He opened his list of contacts, his fingers bumbling awkwardly around the display after having used a different phone for two years. He passed Kyungsoo’s name slowly and kept scrolling until he found Huang Zitao’s.
“I was starting to think I was wrong about the blue moon!” Zitao’s familiar voice came through after one and a half rings. “What took you so long??”
Yixing smiled to himself. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ll have to explain in person, when I come home. How are you? How is everyone? Is Kyungsoo still in Zen-ai?”
“I’m fine, everyone’s fine, Kyungsoo still lives with me. He’s right here,” Zitao said thickly. He sounded like he was crying. “Will you please talk to him? He doesn’t believe it’s really you.”
There was some shuffling on the other line and then Kyungsoo’s voice said stiffly, “Hello?”
“Kyungsoo? It’s Yixing. I think we might have to admit that Zitao was right for once.”
As the afternoon wore on, Yixing watched the snow fall slowly out the window. It was still too early for snow, but the flakes began to stick to the ground, too impatient to wait until all the leaves were gone from the trees. It was exactly the opposite of when he’d left this world; back then the snow had been just beginning to melt. A sudden knock at the door brought Yixing out of his thoughts.
“Just stay put,” Minseok instructed, rushing past in the hallway. “I’ll get it.”
Yixing got up from his chair anyway, starting on the dishes from lunch. The door creaked as Minseok opened it and Yixing didn’t hear the visitor say anything, but then Minseok asked, “What are you doing here? How are you here?” There was a note of awe in his voice unlike any tone Yixing had ever heard him use.
He thought that the other person mumbled something, but whoever it was, was speaking too quietly for Yixing to make it out. He realized that the water was still rushing into the sink and he slowly turned off the faucet. Now the voices came through clearly.
“You can’t be here,” he heard Minseok say, the awe in his voice now sounding more akin to fear.
“I know that’s what we were all taught,” the other person said in a soft, low voice, and Yixing’s heart seemed to freeze. It was Sehun’s voice. It was impossible, but it was his voice.
“But it turns out,” he continued, “the spaces between the worlds aren’t too small to make it through, if you can condense all your energy just enough.”
Yixing took a sharp breath. It wasn’t supposed to be possible for Sehun to be here, but he’d found a way. He let himself wonder tentatively if he had come back for him. He wanted to rush out to the front of the house, to see for himself that it was really him, that he wasn’t imagining this, but he couldn’t seem to move. It was like the shock was keeping him affixed to this exact spot in front of the kitchen sink.
“That’s...incredible,” Minseok finally said breathlessly, “but also, incredibly dangerous. Do you have any idea--”
“Yes,” Sehun said sharply. “I know. But I’m not going back to Guarding. I can’t.”
Minseok dropped his voice down to speak even more quietly than Sehun was. “If you made a mistake...Sehun, you need to forgive yourself.”
“I can’t,” Sehun repeated, voice wavering.
“You don’t have a choice. You need to return to the world you were assigned to,” Minseok said, his tone gentle but urgent. “It will be the end of everything if you don’t.”
“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t do to one more person what I’ve already done to so many. Minseok, I can’t risk putting someone else through what I’ve been through this year. I found someone I really cared about, hyung...he’s gone. Because of me.”
Yixing’s eyes prickled. He realized Sehun didn’t know he was here, hadn’t even known he was alive all this time.
“Sehun,” Minseok said, “if you give up, then everyone, everything, will be gone. And listen to me, I think things will get better. My abilities have been getting more powerful...I Healed someone whose soul was splintered almost to the point of breaking completely. He’s been staying here with me and is almost well enough to go back home. Maybe soon, it will be possible for me to Heal souls that have split entirely.”
“We can’t change the past now,” he said softly when Sehun didn’t reply, “but we need to be strong enough to face the future.”
Yixing gripped the edges of the sink, still frozen with disbelief at what he was overhearing. Suddenly, footsteps reached the kitchen. “Yixing, come here, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Minseok’s voice said from the doorway.
For some reason it was easier to move when he was commanded to. Yixing slowly turned around and followed numbly out into the front entryway of the guesthouse. Sehun stood by the door, his familiar slim frame bundled in a black coat that he hadn't taken off when he came inside, with snowflakes clinging to his hair that was a little too long and fell in his eyes. Yixing thought he’d never looked more perfect.
“Yixing,” Sehun choked out, taking one of Yixing’s hands gently as if he didn’t believe he was real, before wrapping his long arms around him. Yixing let his tears fall into Sehun’s wool-covered shoulder as he held him. “You’re here. God. You’re okay.”
Sehun pulled back to look at him straight on. He brushed Yixing’s tears away with a thumb, saying his name and apologizing over and over while Yixing stood still, unable to say anything or to stop crying.
“I don’t know why I didn’t realize before what it meant,” Sehun said as he pulled Yixing close again.
“Realize what what meant?” Yixing asked, his voice coming out so unsteadily he was amazed it even worked at all.
“Why you’ve always seemed so familiar to me, like I knew you from somewhere…” Sehun paused, searching his face with his dark eyes. “We’re from the same world.”
Yixing stared in shock as the reason Sehun had always seemed familiar to him clicked into place.
“That would explain something else,” Minseok said quietly. They both turned to him, almost having forgotten he was also in the room. “If he was in love with someone from another world, Yixing’s soul should have split completely, but it stayed intact, just enough for him to recover. Because the two of you are from the same world originally, Yixing’s soul was pulled back here. It was only because Sehun was in another world at the time that it was also pulling to stay there.”
Minseok turned to Yixing. “I had no idea that the Enforcer you mentioned could be Sehun,” he said. “We were friends a long time ago, before he was sent to Guard another world.”
Minseok and Sehun exchanged a glance and Yixing remembered again what Minseok had been saying before Yixing left the kitchen. He looked at Sehun in front of him, pale and shining, like a star or like a new page in a sketchbook, but with sadness still etched around his eyes. “You can’t stay here, can you?” he asked Sehun quietly.
Sehun’s expression shifted, the sadness carving its way a little deeper. His lips were parted just a little, as if he knew what he was going to say, but the words wouldn’t come. He released Yixing’s hand that he’d been holding onto. “I love you, Yixing,” was all he said, answering the question by way of not answering it.
It was warm inside the guesthouse, away from the snow, but Yixing felt cold, like everything inside him had frozen and was cracking down the middle.
“What if I took your place?” Minseok asked Sehun suddenly, and the other two looked to him again.
Sehun stared. “Hyung, how would you…”
“I told you, my powers have been getting stronger. With some more training, I think I could do it.”
Sehun shook his head. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Someone needs to keep the universe in balance,” Minseok insisted. “If you’re going to give up your position, someone else has to step in, and I’m the only one who can. I can Heal if anything goes wrong! Yixing is here in front of you, doesn't that prove anything?”
"No," said Sehun with a note of finality that reverberated in the small hallway. "You were right, Lu Han was right, everyone was right. This is what I am, as much as I don't want it to be. The only thing worse than me going back would be a friend of mine going back in my place."
"Sehun," Minseok said roughly, pleading now, "please. You never wanted this. I do."
“Don't say that," Sehun said sharply. "You don’t understand, Minseok, you don’t know what you’re getting into. I can’t allow you to take on something like this without even knowing--”
“Sehun.” Minseok’s normally kind eyes now looked sharp, not unlike Sehun’s sometimes did. “I’ve made up my mind. And I do understand. I know everything that it involves. You've been through so much, Sehun, I know. Too much. But you don't have my powers. If you let me take your place, things can be different. Fewer people will get hurt."
Minseok waited for Sehun to say something. Yixing tried to read his expression, but he was in full armor. Minseok went on, "I'm alone here, I won't have to leave anyone behind. But you...you can see your family again, and--"
Sehun laughed humorlessly. "You really think they would be happy to see me? I've disgraced them by leaving the world I was assigned. By throwing away my power, my 'gift.'"
"You have Yixing," Minseok said softly. "You can be together. Just let me do this."
Sehun was silent then. Minseok’s gaze was unwavering. Sehun looked at him for one more moment, his face blank but his eyes shining, and then he looked away.
“I need a day or so to sort my life out here, make sure the guesthouse will be looked after,” Minseok said, speaking as casually as if he was just going away for the weekend and not planning to leave this world forever in a moment’s decision, “Can we cross over tomorrow night?”
Sehun hesitated. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked Minseok.
There was a beat of emphatic silence as Minseok seemed to go over it in his mind again. “Yes.”
“Okay,” Sehun said after another long silence. “We cross over tomorrow night.”
Sehun finally took his coat off, hanging it in the closet as if he’d be staying a while. During the night, Yixing found himself continually opening his eyes and looking at Sehun, just to make sure he was really still beside him. Once, Sehun noticed and he said, “I’m here,” before he guided Yixing into a kiss in the dark.
“I love you, too,” Yixing whispered against Sehun’s lips.
*
The knock on Joonmyun’s door surprised him out of his brooding. It had only just gotten dark a few hours ago, but he was already contemplating going to sleep, just so he wouldn’t have to think anymore.
He rolled off the couch and opened the door, expecting it to be Jongdae, trying to drag him out somewhere since it was Friday night, after all, and that was normally what happened. Instead, it was Lu Han standing there, his hair carefully styled off his forehead and a glow in his cheeks like he’d taken the stairs instead of the elevator.
Joonmyun just stared for a moment, surreptitiously trying to flatten his own hair that he knew must be sticking up in the back, suddenly self-conscious, even though Lu Han had seen him looking a lot worse than this.
“Can we talk?” Lu Han asked in lieu of a greeting.
Joonmyun nodded dumbly, moving aside so Lu Han could come in.
“Joonmyun, I have some news,” he said once the door clicked shut. He was rushing through his words so fast that he didn’t even give Joonmyun a chance to respond to any of them. “I don’t know how, I still don’t understand it fully, I knew he was powerful, but not like this. It’s not supposed to be possible, it’s never been possible, but Sehun really found a way to get back to his own world.”
Joonmyun felt his eyes widening at Lu Han’s frantic speech and gesturing. “I only know this because he switched places with an unofficial Guardian with Healing powers, Kim Minseok, from his world. He says he can learn to Enforce, supposedly he’s powerful enough, which I’m a little skeptical about honestly, I met the guy and he's tiny, but...Joonmyun…” Joonmyun was about to scream at Lu Han to get to the point, when he said, “Sehun found Yixing. He’s alive. He’s okay.”
It was incredibly silent for a moment while a flurry of hope zoomed through Joonmyun’s chest. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. “He really survived?” he managed to ask.
So many things still didn’t make sense, but for the moment, he didn’t care how it had happened or what kind of fantastical explanation there was for how Sehun had managed all this or what an unofficial Guardian was. All he cared about was that Lu Han was nodding, smiling more with his eyes than with his mouth.
“He’s safe now, in his own world. The same world Sehun is from.”
He was reminded that he’d still never be able to see that Yixing was safe with his own eyes, and all the little places inside Joonmyun that missed him hurt again. But the knowledge that he was really alive and okay made him feel stronger than he had in so long. The pain was there, but it was no longer tearing at him, trying to pull him apart. Yixing belonged in his own world, he thought, and maybe, so did Sehun.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Lu Han said after a long time, pulling them back into the moment.
“You said we need to give it time. That’s what I’ve been trying to do,” Joonmyun argued, but his voice was flat. He didn’t have any strength to fight.
Lu Han ran his fingers along the edge of Joonmyun’s kitchen counter. They came away dusty. “That doesn’t mean you have to shut me out completely,” he said. He hoisted himself up to sit on the counter and looked up at Joonmyun through his long lashes. “I worry about you, you know. And I miss you.”
Joonmyun sat down heavily at the table. “Lu Han,” he sighed, “you can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s how I feel.” Lu Han was childishly swinging his legs back and forth and it made Joonmyun want to smile in spite of everything. He forcibly schooled his lips into a straight line.
“You can’t say things like that after you...reject me,” Joonmyun decided to say.
Lu Han’s legs stopped swinging. “I didn’t reject you,” he said in a quiet voice.
“That’s what it felt like.” Joonmyun looked down at the table.
“Do you know the reason why I asked you to keep your distance from Yixing?” Lu Han asked abruptly. “That time, in my office?”
“Yes, you said it was to protect the secrecy of the investigation,” Joonmyun answered, not seeing the relevance.
Lu Han looked away, suddenly shy. “Well, it was, but also, I didn’t...I didn’t want him to fall for you.”
Joonmyun stared at him. “You thought he would fall in love with me? That I’d be the reason for...for what happened?”
“Well, I thought it was possible, and...true, I didn’t want him to fall for you for exactly the reason you said,” Lu Han told him. He waited a moment, visibly taking a breath before he continued. “But...there might have been...other reasons, as well.”
“Joonmyun,” Lu Han said, standing up again, “I care about you. A lot. That’s why I didn’t kiss you back. I’m still not sure if that kiss was really meant for me.”
“It was,” Joonmyun said, so quietly that he wasn’t sure Lu Han even heard it over the dull hum of the refrigerator. “It was,” he repeated, louder. “I did love Yixing.” He paused, realizing that he hadn’t even said Yixing’s name out loud since that night. “But that kiss was for you.”
Lu Han slowly pulled a chair over to sit down right next to him.
“You wouldn’t believe how afraid I was to say that,” Joonmyun said, smiling like it was a reflex instead of a real expression of his emotions. “How afraid I was to kiss you in the first place.”
“It’s okay to be afraid,” Lu Han said gently. “It’ll get easier, if you let me help. And I hope you will. Because I think I might love you, Joonmyun.”
It was dark in the room, Joonmyun realized, since neither of them had flicked on the lightswitch, but there was still so much light in Lu Han’s eyes. Joonmyun met them this time, willingly letting Lu Han see everything that was in his own, for the first time, he realized. He was the first to come closer and let their lips touch, even if he moved too slowly, even if he was a little too careful. Lu Han’s touch was light, but it steadied him.
This time, Joonmyun didn’t wait for Lu Han to pull away to leave his skin feeling warm where they’d been joined together a moment ago. He let Lu Han’s touch warm him while his lips still pressed against his, while his hands still held him close. He kissed Lu Han with all his walls down.
A/N: omg, it's the end! i hope a happy ending suits you all, haha. i definitely could have gone in a darker direction with this one, but i am truly a fluff writer at heart! thanks so much for reading and staying with me through this whole time i've been writing and editing this 50k+ beast of a fic/novel. oh my gosh i just love you all so much, thank you <3
“I think you’re ready to leave here,” Minseok told Yixing one morning as they returned to the house from the stables in the back of the property. The first promises of winter came faster here, away from the city, and snow flurries floated around them. “I’m sure you’re anxious to see your family. Your friends.”
Yixing nodded without saying anything as they stepped inside.
Minseok sighed as he hung up his coat in the closet by the door. “You really miss him, don’t you?”
Yixing paused with his own coat halfway off and looked at him, surprised. He hadn’t mentioned Sehun since that first day, but he had no doubt that’s who Minseok was referring to. He supposed that all Guardians must be as perceptive as Lu Han, or nearly so.
He realized that Minseok had asked another question and shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you’ve given any thought to what it’ll be like...to really go home?”
“I have,” Yixing said, nodding. “I think it’ll be strange. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m not sure anyone will believe the truth...well, except maybe one person.”
“Who’s that?” Minseok asked curiously.
“My friend Zitao, who I lived with. He believed all the legends, I’m sure he still does.” Yixing smiled, thinking about how wrong he and Kyungsoo had been.
When he returned to his room, he packed a small bag of essentials that Minseok had given him. He no longer had anything from Joonmyun’s world with him, he realized, with a bit of sadness. He put down the shirt he’d been folding and thought about Joonmyun, as he often did. He wondered how he was doing, whether he still left all his clothes lying around on the floor in his fancy apartment, how things were at the company, whether he still ate lunch with Chanyeol and Jongin and bought drinks for Jongdae at the jazz club and whether they missed Yixing as much as he missed them. He finished folding his shirt and swallowed around the lump in his throat.
He opened all the dresser drawers to make sure there was nothing left in them and closed them back up one by one. When he made it to the bottom drawer, something glinted at him from the corner and his hand froze in the process of pushing it closed. It was his old phone. Yixing remembered that he’d shoved it into his pocket the night he’d left Joonmyun’s world, for good luck or something like that. He turned it over in his hand and called down the hallway, “Minseok! Can I borrow your phone charger?”
Yixing felt a wave of nostalgia when his phone wallpaper of the sun and the moon in the sky greeted him. He opened his list of contacts, his fingers bumbling awkwardly around the display after having used a different phone for two years. He passed Kyungsoo’s name slowly and kept scrolling until he found Huang Zitao’s.
“I was starting to think I was wrong about the blue moon!” Zitao’s familiar voice came through after one and a half rings. “What took you so long??”
Yixing smiled to himself. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ll have to explain in person, when I come home. How are you? How is everyone? Is Kyungsoo still in Zen-ai?”
“I’m fine, everyone’s fine, Kyungsoo still lives with me. He’s right here,” Zitao said thickly. He sounded like he was crying. “Will you please talk to him? He doesn’t believe it’s really you.”
There was some shuffling on the other line and then Kyungsoo’s voice said stiffly, “Hello?”
“Kyungsoo? It’s Yixing. I think we might have to admit that Zitao was right for once.”
As the afternoon wore on, Yixing watched the snow fall slowly out the window. It was still too early for snow, but the flakes began to stick to the ground, too impatient to wait until all the leaves were gone from the trees. It was exactly the opposite of when he’d left this world; back then the snow had been just beginning to melt. A sudden knock at the door brought Yixing out of his thoughts.
“Just stay put,” Minseok instructed, rushing past in the hallway. “I’ll get it.”
Yixing got up from his chair anyway, starting on the dishes from lunch. The door creaked as Minseok opened it and Yixing didn’t hear the visitor say anything, but then Minseok asked, “What are you doing here? How are you here?” There was a note of awe in his voice unlike any tone Yixing had ever heard him use.
He thought that the other person mumbled something, but whoever it was, was speaking too quietly for Yixing to make it out. He realized that the water was still rushing into the sink and he slowly turned off the faucet. Now the voices came through clearly.
“You can’t be here,” he heard Minseok say, the awe in his voice now sounding more akin to fear.
“I know that’s what we were all taught,” the other person said in a soft, low voice, and Yixing’s heart seemed to freeze. It was Sehun’s voice. It was impossible, but it was his voice.
“But it turns out,” he continued, “the spaces between the worlds aren’t too small to make it through, if you can condense all your energy just enough.”
Yixing took a sharp breath. It wasn’t supposed to be possible for Sehun to be here, but he’d found a way. He let himself wonder tentatively if he had come back for him. He wanted to rush out to the front of the house, to see for himself that it was really him, that he wasn’t imagining this, but he couldn’t seem to move. It was like the shock was keeping him affixed to this exact spot in front of the kitchen sink.
“That’s...incredible,” Minseok finally said breathlessly, “but also, incredibly dangerous. Do you have any idea--”
“Yes,” Sehun said sharply. “I know. But I’m not going back to Guarding. I can’t.”
Minseok dropped his voice down to speak even more quietly than Sehun was. “If you made a mistake...Sehun, you need to forgive yourself.”
“I can’t,” Sehun repeated, voice wavering.
“You don’t have a choice. You need to return to the world you were assigned to,” Minseok said, his tone gentle but urgent. “It will be the end of everything if you don’t.”
“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t do to one more person what I’ve already done to so many. Minseok, I can’t risk putting someone else through what I’ve been through this year. I found someone I really cared about, hyung...he’s gone. Because of me.”
Yixing’s eyes prickled. He realized Sehun didn’t know he was here, hadn’t even known he was alive all this time.
“Sehun,” Minseok said, “if you give up, then everyone, everything, will be gone. And listen to me, I think things will get better. My abilities have been getting more powerful...I Healed someone whose soul was splintered almost to the point of breaking completely. He’s been staying here with me and is almost well enough to go back home. Maybe soon, it will be possible for me to Heal souls that have split entirely.”
“We can’t change the past now,” he said softly when Sehun didn’t reply, “but we need to be strong enough to face the future.”
Yixing gripped the edges of the sink, still frozen with disbelief at what he was overhearing. Suddenly, footsteps reached the kitchen. “Yixing, come here, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Minseok’s voice said from the doorway.
For some reason it was easier to move when he was commanded to. Yixing slowly turned around and followed numbly out into the front entryway of the guesthouse. Sehun stood by the door, his familiar slim frame bundled in a black coat that he hadn't taken off when he came inside, with snowflakes clinging to his hair that was a little too long and fell in his eyes. Yixing thought he’d never looked more perfect.
“Yixing,” Sehun choked out, taking one of Yixing’s hands gently as if he didn’t believe he was real, before wrapping his long arms around him. Yixing let his tears fall into Sehun’s wool-covered shoulder as he held him. “You’re here. God. You’re okay.”
Sehun pulled back to look at him straight on. He brushed Yixing’s tears away with a thumb, saying his name and apologizing over and over while Yixing stood still, unable to say anything or to stop crying.
“I don’t know why I didn’t realize before what it meant,” Sehun said as he pulled Yixing close again.
“Realize what what meant?” Yixing asked, his voice coming out so unsteadily he was amazed it even worked at all.
“Why you’ve always seemed so familiar to me, like I knew you from somewhere…” Sehun paused, searching his face with his dark eyes. “We’re from the same world.”
Yixing stared in shock as the reason Sehun had always seemed familiar to him clicked into place.
“That would explain something else,” Minseok said quietly. They both turned to him, almost having forgotten he was also in the room. “If he was in love with someone from another world, Yixing’s soul should have split completely, but it stayed intact, just enough for him to recover. Because the two of you are from the same world originally, Yixing’s soul was pulled back here. It was only because Sehun was in another world at the time that it was also pulling to stay there.”
Minseok turned to Yixing. “I had no idea that the Enforcer you mentioned could be Sehun,” he said. “We were friends a long time ago, before he was sent to Guard another world.”
Minseok and Sehun exchanged a glance and Yixing remembered again what Minseok had been saying before Yixing left the kitchen. He looked at Sehun in front of him, pale and shining, like a star or like a new page in a sketchbook, but with sadness still etched around his eyes. “You can’t stay here, can you?” he asked Sehun quietly.
Sehun’s expression shifted, the sadness carving its way a little deeper. His lips were parted just a little, as if he knew what he was going to say, but the words wouldn’t come. He released Yixing’s hand that he’d been holding onto. “I love you, Yixing,” was all he said, answering the question by way of not answering it.
It was warm inside the guesthouse, away from the snow, but Yixing felt cold, like everything inside him had frozen and was cracking down the middle.
“What if I took your place?” Minseok asked Sehun suddenly, and the other two looked to him again.
Sehun stared. “Hyung, how would you…”
“I told you, my powers have been getting stronger. With some more training, I think I could do it.”
Sehun shook his head. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Someone needs to keep the universe in balance,” Minseok insisted. “If you’re going to give up your position, someone else has to step in, and I’m the only one who can. I can Heal if anything goes wrong! Yixing is here in front of you, doesn't that prove anything?”
"No," said Sehun with a note of finality that reverberated in the small hallway. "You were right, Lu Han was right, everyone was right. This is what I am, as much as I don't want it to be. The only thing worse than me going back would be a friend of mine going back in my place."
"Sehun," Minseok said roughly, pleading now, "please. You never wanted this. I do."
“Don't say that," Sehun said sharply. "You don’t understand, Minseok, you don’t know what you’re getting into. I can’t allow you to take on something like this without even knowing--”
“Sehun.” Minseok’s normally kind eyes now looked sharp, not unlike Sehun’s sometimes did. “I’ve made up my mind. And I do understand. I know everything that it involves. You've been through so much, Sehun, I know. Too much. But you don't have my powers. If you let me take your place, things can be different. Fewer people will get hurt."
Minseok waited for Sehun to say something. Yixing tried to read his expression, but he was in full armor. Minseok went on, "I'm alone here, I won't have to leave anyone behind. But you...you can see your family again, and--"
Sehun laughed humorlessly. "You really think they would be happy to see me? I've disgraced them by leaving the world I was assigned. By throwing away my power, my 'gift.'"
"You have Yixing," Minseok said softly. "You can be together. Just let me do this."
Sehun was silent then. Minseok’s gaze was unwavering. Sehun looked at him for one more moment, his face blank but his eyes shining, and then he looked away.
“I need a day or so to sort my life out here, make sure the guesthouse will be looked after,” Minseok said, speaking as casually as if he was just going away for the weekend and not planning to leave this world forever in a moment’s decision, “Can we cross over tomorrow night?”
Sehun hesitated. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked Minseok.
There was a beat of emphatic silence as Minseok seemed to go over it in his mind again. “Yes.”
“Okay,” Sehun said after another long silence. “We cross over tomorrow night.”
Sehun finally took his coat off, hanging it in the closet as if he’d be staying a while. During the night, Yixing found himself continually opening his eyes and looking at Sehun, just to make sure he was really still beside him. Once, Sehun noticed and he said, “I’m here,” before he guided Yixing into a kiss in the dark.
“I love you, too,” Yixing whispered against Sehun’s lips.
*
The knock on Joonmyun’s door surprised him out of his brooding. It had only just gotten dark a few hours ago, but he was already contemplating going to sleep, just so he wouldn’t have to think anymore.
He rolled off the couch and opened the door, expecting it to be Jongdae, trying to drag him out somewhere since it was Friday night, after all, and that was normally what happened. Instead, it was Lu Han standing there, his hair carefully styled off his forehead and a glow in his cheeks like he’d taken the stairs instead of the elevator.
Joonmyun just stared for a moment, surreptitiously trying to flatten his own hair that he knew must be sticking up in the back, suddenly self-conscious, even though Lu Han had seen him looking a lot worse than this.
“Can we talk?” Lu Han asked in lieu of a greeting.
Joonmyun nodded dumbly, moving aside so Lu Han could come in.
“Joonmyun, I have some news,” he said once the door clicked shut. He was rushing through his words so fast that he didn’t even give Joonmyun a chance to respond to any of them. “I don’t know how, I still don’t understand it fully, I knew he was powerful, but not like this. It’s not supposed to be possible, it’s never been possible, but Sehun really found a way to get back to his own world.”
Joonmyun felt his eyes widening at Lu Han’s frantic speech and gesturing. “I only know this because he switched places with an unofficial Guardian with Healing powers, Kim Minseok, from his world. He says he can learn to Enforce, supposedly he’s powerful enough, which I’m a little skeptical about honestly, I met the guy and he's tiny, but...Joonmyun…” Joonmyun was about to scream at Lu Han to get to the point, when he said, “Sehun found Yixing. He’s alive. He’s okay.”
It was incredibly silent for a moment while a flurry of hope zoomed through Joonmyun’s chest. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. “He really survived?” he managed to ask.
So many things still didn’t make sense, but for the moment, he didn’t care how it had happened or what kind of fantastical explanation there was for how Sehun had managed all this or what an unofficial Guardian was. All he cared about was that Lu Han was nodding, smiling more with his eyes than with his mouth.
“He’s safe now, in his own world. The same world Sehun is from.”
He was reminded that he’d still never be able to see that Yixing was safe with his own eyes, and all the little places inside Joonmyun that missed him hurt again. But the knowledge that he was really alive and okay made him feel stronger than he had in so long. The pain was there, but it was no longer tearing at him, trying to pull him apart. Yixing belonged in his own world, he thought, and maybe, so did Sehun.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Lu Han said after a long time, pulling them back into the moment.
“You said we need to give it time. That’s what I’ve been trying to do,” Joonmyun argued, but his voice was flat. He didn’t have any strength to fight.
Lu Han ran his fingers along the edge of Joonmyun’s kitchen counter. They came away dusty. “That doesn’t mean you have to shut me out completely,” he said. He hoisted himself up to sit on the counter and looked up at Joonmyun through his long lashes. “I worry about you, you know. And I miss you.”
Joonmyun sat down heavily at the table. “Lu Han,” he sighed, “you can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s how I feel.” Lu Han was childishly swinging his legs back and forth and it made Joonmyun want to smile in spite of everything. He forcibly schooled his lips into a straight line.
“You can’t say things like that after you...reject me,” Joonmyun decided to say.
Lu Han’s legs stopped swinging. “I didn’t reject you,” he said in a quiet voice.
“That’s what it felt like.” Joonmyun looked down at the table.
“Do you know the reason why I asked you to keep your distance from Yixing?” Lu Han asked abruptly. “That time, in my office?”
“Yes, you said it was to protect the secrecy of the investigation,” Joonmyun answered, not seeing the relevance.
Lu Han looked away, suddenly shy. “Well, it was, but also, I didn’t...I didn’t want him to fall for you.”
Joonmyun stared at him. “You thought he would fall in love with me? That I’d be the reason for...for what happened?”
“Well, I thought it was possible, and...true, I didn’t want him to fall for you for exactly the reason you said,” Lu Han told him. He waited a moment, visibly taking a breath before he continued. “But...there might have been...other reasons, as well.”
“Joonmyun,” Lu Han said, standing up again, “I care about you. A lot. That’s why I didn’t kiss you back. I’m still not sure if that kiss was really meant for me.”
“It was,” Joonmyun said, so quietly that he wasn’t sure Lu Han even heard it over the dull hum of the refrigerator. “It was,” he repeated, louder. “I did love Yixing.” He paused, realizing that he hadn’t even said Yixing’s name out loud since that night. “But that kiss was for you.”
Lu Han slowly pulled a chair over to sit down right next to him.
“You wouldn’t believe how afraid I was to say that,” Joonmyun said, smiling like it was a reflex instead of a real expression of his emotions. “How afraid I was to kiss you in the first place.”
“It’s okay to be afraid,” Lu Han said gently. “It’ll get easier, if you let me help. And I hope you will. Because I think I might love you, Joonmyun.”
It was dark in the room, Joonmyun realized, since neither of them had flicked on the lightswitch, but there was still so much light in Lu Han’s eyes. Joonmyun met them this time, willingly letting Lu Han see everything that was in his own, for the first time, he realized. He was the first to come closer and let their lips touch, even if he moved too slowly, even if he was a little too careful. Lu Han’s touch was light, but it steadied him.
This time, Joonmyun didn’t wait for Lu Han to pull away to leave his skin feeling warm where they’d been joined together a moment ago. He let Lu Han’s touch warm him while his lips still pressed against his, while his hands still held him close. He kissed Lu Han with all his walls down.
A/N: omg, it's the end! i hope a happy ending suits you all, haha. i definitely could have gone in a darker direction with this one, but i am truly a fluff writer at heart! thanks so much for reading and staying with me through this whole time i've been writing and editing this 50k+ beast of a fic/novel. oh my gosh i just love you all so much, thank you <3