[for EVERYONE] We Can Build a New Tomorrow pt. 3/5

[baeksuthefuture]

Junmyeon's pleads must've been heard and the weather looks up. Baekhyun has no heart to turn him down after Junmyeon texts him that they should try to go to the beach today. He even put three exclamation marks at the end of the sentence; that's what Baekhyun considers enthusiastic.

He wears his Spongebob swimming trunks under his jeans knee shorts, just in case they wanted to swim. It's a bit embarrassing to have such clothes in your wardrobe when you're closer to turning thirty than you'd like to, but Baekhyun likes them too much. Kyungsoo bought them for Baekhyun the year earlier, right before they set off for their trip to Jeju. “Seeing you parade in them will make my time on the beach less painful,” he said as Baekhyun tried them on and eyed himself in a full length mirror. Kyungsoo wouldn't have minded if Baekhyun had packed the other pair instead, but the new swimming trunks were far more comfortable than Baekhyun's old ones and the problem solved itself.

Baekhyun picks Junmyeon up from the bookstore and they head to the beach together, Junmyeon giving the directions to Baekhyun to make the road possibly the shortest. The beach is only a bit less crowded than they expected, but they manage to find some space for themselves and their blankets to set them up on the sand. It's a little painful to walk on the hot sand barefoot, not to mention the blazing sunbeams touching their bodies, but the sight of the waves hitting the shore is enough to make Baekhyun feel as though he went back in time.

All of sudden, Baekhyun is with Kyungsoo again, his lover ghostly pale on the beach full of tanned people. Baekhyun had always wanted to visit Jeju and Kyungsoo complied, despite his hatred for sunbathing, crowded beach resorts and lazing around in his free time.

"Aren't these Spongebob swimming trunks simply gorgeous?" Baekhyun asks once he's taken his knee shorts off, propping one hand of his hip and trying to do a sexy pose. "Just admit how great they make my thighs look."

"Sure they do, Baekhyun." Junmyeon shakes his head with disbelief, but as Baekhyun bites his lower lip and shakes his hips, he eventually bursts out laughing. "Spare me this hopeless show, please."

"You're going to regret it," Baekhyun says, laying his blanket down on the sand. "One rarely finds someone as sexy as me."

"Whatever. Don't tell me you're going to lie flat in the sun for the next few hours," Junmyeon stands on Baekhyun's blanket, his head stopping the sun from shining on Baekhyun's back. "Come on, Baekhyun."

"Leave me alone," Baekhyun mumbles, face buried in a pillow. Weak gusts of wind tousle his hair and Baekhyun loves the way they gently hit his body. "Or better. Join me and stop complaining."

"Just a few minutes," Junmyeon sighs and lies on his back next to Baekhyun, their forearms and hands touching. "I'm glad we found a spot without children running around and sprinkling the sand on us."

"You're going to have it in your hair anyways," Baekhyun chuckles, recalling one of the funniest moments of his and Kyungsoo's stay on Jeju. "My ex boyfriend cares about keeping his hair clean as much as you do. When we went to Jeju last year, once I took a handful of sand and hurled it at him when he wasn't looking. You can imagine how annoyed he was at me for the rest of the day."

"I've had a feeling you're a brat, but now I'm convinced," Junmyeon replies. "You've never told me about your boyfriend before."

"There's nothing to talk about," Baekhyun didn't even realize when a mention of Kyungsoo slipped past his mouth. He's gotten so comfortable around Junmyeon he easily spills his secrets out without really meaning to do so. "We broke up a few months ago."

"Were you two together for a long time?" Junmyeon doesn't pry, despite Baekhyun expecting him to ask for a reason of their break up.

The question never comes and Baekhyun is thankful for that; he doesn't even know the answer himself, so how could he give it to someone else?

"Is six years a long time?" Baekhyun asks, both Junmyeon and himself.

"Now, yes," Junmyeon gets up to a sitting position and nudges Baekhyun's thigh with his foot. "But it won't matter in the long run. Get up, you're going to fall asleep."

It takes Junmyeon five minutes to talk Baekhyun into leaving the blanket and swimming with him. Baekhyun takes his revenge by splashing the cold water at Junmyeon once they're calves-deep in the sea, but he soon regrets it when Junmyeon successfully puts his head under the water and releases Baekhyun after a few seconds, letting him take a breath. Baekhyun tries to do the same to Junmyeon, but Junmyeon blocks all of his attempts by gripping Baekhyun's wrists tightly. His arms are only a bit more muscled than Baekhyun's, though it doesn't change the fact he's stronger and has the upper hand in their water fight.

Baekhyun eventually loses. Drained out of energy, he sprawls himself over the blanket, leaving only a little room for Junmyeon. Droplets of water on his body are quickly dried off by the sun, but it isn't as hot as it was when they arrived.

"We should've taken a beach ball or something," Junmyeon says as he slowly walks around their blanket, kicking the sand. "Beach gets boring after a while if you aren't focused on sunbathing."

"Next time let's ask the others to join, too," Baekhyun hasn’t even thought about it until now; he was so excited about the group trip, but Junmyeon's presence turned out to be more than enough. "All of us were originally supposed to go together, remember?"

"No, Baekhyun." Junmyeon kicks the sand so that it lands on Baekhyun's calf. "I asked you first and then you suggested to invite our friends as well."

Our friends. Baekhyun hasn't really thought about it, but Junmyeon is right. All these people, even Soojung included, have become his friends; some closer, some not, but friends nonetheless. His thoughts finally evolve around things happening here, in Busan, no longer clinging to the life he had in Seoul. On Baekhyun's first day in Busan, if someone had told him the man he almost ran over with his car would have such a big impact on his life, he wouldn't have believed in a single word.

And yet, here they are.

"Whatever, we ended here anyways," Baekhyun shrugs. He's already tired of sunbathing and he unconsciously starts checking Junmyeon out, thankful to the fact it remains unknown due to his sunglasses. Junmyeon looks much better now, hair damp and tousled, void of clothes that make his appearance too official for Baekhyun's taste. "Do you come here often?"

"Not really," Junmyeon says. "I've lived in Busan my whole life, so having a beach nearby stopped exciting me when I grew up."

"Well, if I was born in a city at the seaside, I certainly would..."

"You're only saying this now," Junmyeon cuts Baekhyun off, laughing. "Let's talk about it in two years, once you've gotten used to pretty much every attraction Busan has to offer."

The beach starts to get deserted around six PM and Baekhyun suggests they leave soon after. Only does he realize how hungry he is when he drops Junmyeon off at the bookstore, as the only food they lived on during their stay at the beach was ice cream.

Junmyeon refused to let Baekhyun drive him home, saying he has something to do at the store anyway. Baekhyun doesn’t really believe in that excuse, but he opted for not drawing Junmyeon out. Junmyeon has never forced him to speak about something he didn't feel like revealing, so Baekhyun returned the favor. It couldn't be that important anyway.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back earlier," Baekhyun greets Minseok with an apology. He didn't notice he had this many missed calls. "I went to the beach with Junmyeon."

"I had a feeling you disappeared with him," Minseok says. "You've really become attached to him, have you?"

"No, but we are... We are just friends," Baekhyun replies, but he himself doesn't feel convinced about that. Minseok has to be, though. He doesn't need more confusion which his friend's words would bring. "We get along easily, but sometimes he reminds me of Kyungsoo so much, I..."

"You shouldn't compare them," Minseok interrupts. He sounds tired; the short sighs he keeps heaving every few seconds give him away. "You've never directly told me the reason of your moving to Busan, but I know what it is, and trust me, it's about time you let go. You're still heartbroken, and I understand that, but Kyungsoo... He has already moved on."

"Of course he has," Baekhyun feels dizzy. His left hand grips the armrest of the armchair he's sitting on, but it doesn't make the giddiness go away. "He was the one who replaced me with someone else, so why would he still hold onto the ruins of our relationship?"

"Do you think the person who ends the relationship isn't hurt as well?" Minseok asks, and the only answer Baekhyun wants to give is yes, he thinks exactly that. "You'd spent six years together and known each other for much longer. It's not easy to throw it away just like that, even for someone who wants to break off."

"How can you know? Did he tell you how much he was suffering with his new boyfriend attached to his hip?" Baekhyun clenches his teeth; he has to be careful, because it wouldn't be the first time he said a few words too many, but the urge to voice his bitterness out is a tough opponent. "He didn't seem regretful when he broke up with me."

"I've been keeping in touch with him," Minseok announces and, for Baekhyun, it's equal to losing the ground beneath his feet. How Minseok could do that to him? "He wishes you the best, Baekhyun, and still has a soft spot for you in his heart. You should..."

"I didn't know you two became acquainted," Baekhyun tries to stop the wave of disappointment from drowning him, but it hits too strong to be fought. "I never... I never thought you could replace me with him, but I shouldn't be surprised, right? Tell me, how long you've been pretending to put up with me?"

"What are you talking about, Baekhyun? Please, don't be ridiculous," Minseok says incredulously, clicking his tongue. It's enough for Baekhyun to be driven crazy; how can Minseok be so blind? "It's not like I hadn't talked to him before you two went your separate ways, so why are you suddenly hitting the roof?"

"You're well aware how much he hurt me and you're still asking this question?" Baekhyun's head is spinning and he's losing control over his words; it's too late to withdraw and, this time, the chance to let it go is gone. "I don’t want to talk right now, sorry. I just... Bye, Minseok."

"Hey, Baekhyun, wait--" Minseok almost shouts over the phone, but Baekhyun hits the end call button and hurls his phone to the other end of the room.

Baekhyun's body feels numb, even though there's a fire burning inside his chest; it's only a matter of time until his heart gets burnt into ashes. How many disappointments is he going to face this year; first his ex boyfriend and now also Minseok, someone he thought he could confide in? Maybe he shouldn't have kept in touch with Minseok and instead cut ties with him, just like he did with almost everyone else? He couldn't have known Minseok made friends with Kyungsoo completely behind his back, not even mentioning that they became close after Baekhyun had moved out.

Of course Minseok kept his mouth shut; it wasn't difficult to figure out how mad Baekhyun would get once he found out, but wasn't hiding the truth all this time even worse?

Baekhyun has always turned to Minseok with his problems and worries; whose word can guarantee him that Minseok didn't put him down in front of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol? He closes his eyes and counts to ten, but it doesn't work. All Baekhyun can imagine is the three of them laughing at him, having the fun of their lives over Baekhyun’s vulnerability in his inability to let go.

What else is more pitiful than watching a heartbroken person mourn over the love that no longer exists?

Baekhyun is too sober to deal with this mess; mostly with Minseok turning out to be a friend that isn't worth anything and even himself, because he's come to realize how pathetic his actions are. No matter what he does, his attempts at changing always have disastrous outcomes that only make the matters worse; in this case, is there even a point in trying?

He rummages through the cabinets, looking for a bottle of something with high alcohol content to cure his heart. It's the only way he knows won't disappoint him, even though he definitely doesn't consider it a long-term answer. He's never been the one to get drunk every Saturday night, but the need to escape the reality has taken over his senses and, just this once, he wants to feel carefree. If only it was possible for the thoughts to vanish from one's brain and leave a blank space, but then again, can you think about nothing at all? The human mind is always occupied with something, either a trivial, single thought or the exact opposite, a bundle of tangled sentences difficult to distinguish from one another.

Tonight, Baekhyun is balancing somewhere between these two states, pouring shots of cherry vodka down his throat one by one. Each gulp brings more and more stupid ideas and, after the third shot, he decides to turn his laptop on. After the fifth one, with web browser open on the start page, the perspective to check both Kyungsoo's and Chanyeol's SNS accounts seems very appealing, despite the voice of reason whispering into his ear. The sixth shot mutes the voice for good.

Once Baekhyun's chosen the first thing to check, Chanyeol's Instagram, he immediately regrets his decision. Although Kyungsoo has never liked to be photographed and he'd often run away from the frame, Chanyeol still manages to include Kyungsoo's head or blurred arm in the middle of an attempt at covering his face. There are other photos of them, too, and Baekhyun likes them much less. His least favorite is Chanyeol and Kyungsoo pressing their cheeks to each other, Chanyeol's arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders, both of them smiling. Chanyeol is grinning, just like he always seems to do, and Kyungsoo smiles softly to the camera. There's a sparkle in their eyes Baekhyun hates, because Kyungsoo used to look at him like that, too, a long time ago; back when their relationship still resembled a safe haven instead of an old, neglected house with only one of its residents willing to take care of it so that it wouldn't tumble down. It's too much of a responsibility for one person to carry on their shoulders, but Baekhyun never wanted to accept his defeat.

Baekhyun continues to torture himself, moving to videos of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol performing some music together. His head is spinning due to all the alcohol he's drunk so far, but the heaviness in his chest must've been caused by something else; the ropes he's felt around his heart already for a while keep tightening, and there's no other remedy for this than to finish another shot glass and go on. The more he drinks, the deeper he's being pushed into a deep abyss of loneliness. He doesn't recall the last time he craved for someone to accompany him so bad, but someone to share his sorrows with could be helpful at easing the pain.

Without thinking twice, Baekhyun chooses Junmyeon's number.

"Hi, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says casually. Baekhyun makes out the sound of an ice cream commercial in the background. "What's up?"

"I need you," Baekhyun drags the last syllable on and it comes out close to a whine. "Please, Junmyeon, I'm going crazy, come and get me because--"

"Where are you?" Junmyeon's voice wavers with concern. Baekhyun relishes the subtle tone and uncertainty, but one sentence isn't enough to fulfill his needs. "I'll be right over, just tell me."

"I'm not really sure," Baekhyun says. For no reason, he wants to laugh. He doesn't know what's so funny all of sudden, but it's probably himself, seeking attention and appeasement for his heart he's succeeded in breaking again. "It looks familiar, but... Ah, Junmyeon, I'm so confused."

"Please, Baekhyun," Junmyeon answers and it's much sharper than it was a moment ago, as though Junmyeon was starting to get nervous and worried. Worrying means you care for someone, doesn't it? "Just tell me where you are so I can pick you up and drive you home. You shouldn't have drunk alone."

"Would you rather I'd asked you to drink with me?" Baekhyun almost drops the phone on the floor, but he quickly grasps it harder. He's getting sick of looking at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo being all lovey-dovey online. A few more photos and he'll be ready to vomit. "I'm at my apartment, but please, come. I... I can't stand the silence in these four walls alone. Not tonight."

"Just give me your address," Junmyeon urges. There's nothing more than his voice on the other side of the line; he must be getting ready to leave.

"I'll text it to you," Baekhyun says. He isn't sure if Junmyeon won't get lost, considering the number of typos he's going to make. "Just... Junmyeon, I..."

"I'll be here soon, I promise. Hang in there," Junmyeon replies. His voice is gentler, more soothing and calming, but it doesn't take any of the weight off Baekhyun's heart. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Too late," Baekhyun ends the call with a bitter chuckle. Six and half a year too late.

Junmyeon arrives ten minutes later, but every second of the wait feels like eternity. During that time, Baekhyun manages to drink two more shots and almost knocks the bottle over his laptop, but prevents the damage at the last minute. He isn't an aggressive person when drunk, but he tends to be dramatic and mopey. Kyungsoo would always put him to sleep once Baekhyun had enough, but Baekhyun hopes Junmyeon will listen, just like he always does.

Baekhyun didn't have anyone, a man, pay so much attention to him in months before Junmyeon appeared in the picture.

"Baekhyun," Junmyeon sighs, once he steps into the living door and sees the mess Baekhyun is. Junmyeon's clothes, on the contrary, doesn't appear to have been put on in a hurry. They're neat and ironed. Baekhyun wants to laugh. Junmyeon should've just come in his boxers. "What has gotten into you? You're not drinking anymore tonight, you've clearly had enough."

"Oh, come on," Baekhyun sprawls himself on the couch and shifts, arms stretching over his head. "Don't tell me you won't drink with me and raise a glass to my pathetic state. I've spent the evening looking at my ex boyfriend's pictures on his current sweetheart's Instagram, can you believe? How much lower can I fall down, should we find out?"

"We aren't going to test your resilience, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says. He takes the bottle into the kitchen and turns Baekhyun's laptop off, ignoring the latter's protests. "Now sit and make some place for me. I'm not going to stand here for the rest of the night."

"I wouldn't mind that," Baekhyun says lazily, but bends his knees so that Junmyeon can sit next to him. "You're quite a nice view."

"Did you call me to check if those cheesy pick up lines work?" Junmyeon places his elbow on the backrest and props his head with his hand. He's looking straight at Baekhyun, eyes never leaving the younger man's face. "I don't know what to do with you, Baekhyun."

"I wish I knew, too," Baekhyun sighs and closes his eyes, but the position he's in is nowhere close to being comfortable. He doesn't feel like crying anymore; Junmyeon's presence does wonders to his soul, though he's still heavily intoxicated. "Can I just..."

"What is it?" Junmyeon's eyes glimmer in the weak light of the lamp standing in the corner of the room. It makes Baekhyun's heart a bit lighter, as if looking into Junmyeon's eyes alone could give him solace.

At this point, Baekhyun has no reasons to hold himself back; if he does something weird, he will use being drunk as an excuse, even though secrets spilled out in such state are never forgotten. He doesn't know how to control himself, because everything seems just right; shifting on the couch and placing his head on Junmyeon's lap does, too, and it takes only a few more wriggles to find a perfect position for the rest of the evening. He doubts Junmyeon will stay the night; sleeping like that would be good for Baekhyun, but maybe Junmyeon doesn't want to be this close with him and only perceives it as Baekhyun being particularly clingy because he's drunk? It's partially true, but Baekhyun has other reasons as well; reasons he doesn't want to admit because they're in conflict with everything Baekhyun had promised himself before he left to Busan.

"Isn't my head too heavy? It weighs a ton." Baekhyun groans, face twisted in a scowl. "Cut it off, Junmyeon. I don't want to think about Kyungsoo ever again. And Chanyeol. Fucking Chanyeol."

"Was Chanyeol your boyfriend?" Junmyeon asks softly, fingers running through Baekhyun's hair to calm him down and set his heart at ease.

"No," Baekhyun laughs bitterly, amused by a mere suggestion of them dating. He doesn't feel as if he was about to fall any second anymore, but his emotions are far from stable. "Kyungsoo was. Long story short, he cheated on me with Chanyeol and chose the fucking dumbass over me. We'd been together for six years, I... I can't forget. I can't just let it go as easily as he did."

"I'm sure he suffered, too," Junmyeon says. His steady breathing sounds like a lullaby, soft and rhythmical, accompanied by Junmyeon's sweet voice. If only the words he was saying weren't so painful. "It cost him a lot of nerves and courage. Suppose you'd met someone else and fallen in love with them, would it have been easy to put yourself in Kyungsoo's shoes?"

"I don't know, don't force my brain to work and think reasonably," Baekhyun clicks his tongue at Junmyeon, eyes still closed. His senses aren't as sharp as they would be if Baekhyun wasn't drunk, but the fact that he can't see Junmyeon's stoic face makes Baekhyun focus more on the fleeting touch and words. "If it had been you, though... You don't fit my list at all."

"What list?" Junmyeon asks, and, for a moment, delicate fingers gently scraping his head are gone. "What are you talking about, Baekhyun?"

"When I set off from Seoul, I had to take my mind off the true purpose of taking my transfer to Busan, so... It might sound silly, but I thought all Kyungsoo's flaws over and made a list of the qualities my next boyfriend must have," Baekhyun explains, but the sentences he's forming are too complicated and he's on the verge of losing the point. "I also included all the things Kyungsoo lacked and I promised myself to never fall for someone who doesn't meet the requirements, but you... You're everything but my ideal type, so why can't I stop thinking about you?"

"Is it true, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks, hesitant to stroke Baekhyun's hair as comfortably as he did minutes ago. His touch is so restrained it feels as though there were feathers falling instead of fingers caressing Baekhyun's hair with utmost control. "Did you... Are you in love with me?"

"All you do is confuse me. Sometimes you remind me of Kyungsoo so much, but at the same time you're not like him at all," Baekhyun confesses. He doesn't realize how carefully he should be weighing his words tonight; that's how all the things he's been losing sleep over have been disclosed by none other than himself. "This time I know what I want, though, and... It's not you. It can't be you."

Silence embraces the both of them with its cold shoulders. Baekhyun feels its sharp claws scratching his skin and it brings him to the conclusion something must've gone wrong; perhaps it was him who had a poor choice of words? He doesn't know. He isn't even going to remember his words in the morning, too drunk to fully comprehend what's going on around him. All he's aware of is that Junmyeon is with him and, for some reason, he's stopped touching Baekhyun. Baekhyun misses that touch; it satisfies the feelings for Junmyeon he's been bottling up, despite him craving for more and wanting to find out how Junmyeon's gentleness tastes like in its full form.

"Hey, Junmyeon," Baekhyun pouts and opens his eyes to check what's up with Junmyeon. He sees the man looking ahead, probably staring at the wall vacantly. "Why did you stop stroking my hair? You're not allowed to stop until I say so. Or fall asleep."

"Is that so, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon puts up a weak smile on his face and locks his gaze with Baekhyun's. His smile is fake and forced, but Baekhyun can't see behind the facade and Junmyeon knows that, too. "Who said that?"

"I did, just now," Baekhyun closes his eyes again and yawns loudly, showcasing his front teeth and throat to Junmyeon. An habit of his Kyungsoo had always hated, one among many others. "Aren't you sleepy?"

"Not anymore," Junmyeon says. His voice is distant, as though coming from afar; it might as well be Baekhyun slowly losing consciousness, but... "Sleep, Baekhyun. You're going to be hungover in the morning, but at the moment there's nothing else you need more than sleep."

"Only if you give me a goodnight kiss," Baekhyun mumbles. Drunk, at the border of the reality and dreamland, he's only capable of talking nonsense; Junmyeon really wants to believe it. "Are you a good kisser, Junmyeon? Should I find that out myself?"

"Do me a favor and stop being a silly, annoying drunk," Junmyeon says, but his words get lost in between Baekhyun giggling to himself and slightly changing the position of his head on Junmyeon's lap. "Go to sleep, Baekhyun. Please. I haven't planned on staying up so late."

Baekhyun complies after a moment, having wriggled on the couch and kicked the air a few times. He feels a bit cold, but he's too lazy to get up and bring the blanket from his bedroom; asking Junmyeon to get it for him is out of consideration, too, because Baekhyun would lose Junmyeon's lap, also known as his pillow for the night, and he doesn't want to break the physical contact between them. Being close to Junmyeon and feeling their bodies touch is what Baekhyun associates with safety and comfort, no matter if it's him resting his head on Junmyeon's lap or their thighs pressed together when they sit on the bench in the park.

Whatever kind of physical contact it is, after the closeness is broken, Baekhyun can't help but crave for more. He wants to destroy all the walls between them; get close enough to absorb all of Junmyeon's spirit there is, until there's nothing more but the two of them not being alive without each other, their souls connected in the most sophisticated way.

With love.

Baekhyun lets out a silent huff of disapproval whenever Junmyeon stops caressing his hair for too long, but it doesn't take a lot of time until his eyelids get too heavy to raise them up and steal a last glance on Junmyeon's face. He's forgotten to mention his usual puppy noises to Junmyeon, but the older man doesn't seem to mind Baekhyun's quiet whines and mewls after he notices it's just one of Baekhyun's oddities. Kyungsoo would always get irritated by them, because Baekhyun woke him out of his sleep so many times this way Baekhyun actually was forced to spend some nights on the couch, their bedroom doors closed. Baekhyun found the change at Kyungsoo's opinion quite amusing, yet somehow disappointing; he once considered these noises cute, but their charm had faded out and been replaced with a nuisance.

Baekhyun doesn't wake up from his sleep when Junmyeon's takes the younger's head off his lap an hour later. Instead, he places it on the pillow brought from Baekhyun's bedroom and quietly disappears, leaving too much of himself in Baekhyun's apartment than he would like.

*

First thing Baekhyun wants to do when he wakes up the next morning is to chop his head off.

He doesn't remember the last time his head was throbbing with such intense pain; as though thousands of bells were ringing against the walls of his skull, his ears becoming sensitive. Baekhyun could swear he can hear the air moving around the room. Far from being fully conscious, he tries to change his position, limbs numb after a night spent on the couch without moving. It turns out to be a bad idea as Baekhyun almost falls off the couch, preventing the meeting with cold, hard floor at the last minute.

Baekhyun definitely shouldn't drink again.

Not only his headache is giving him a hard time, but also his dry throat, demanding for something to drink every time Baekhyun swallows. He turns his head and sees a glass of water on the table, placed on a small handwritten note. Whoever left the water for him is a real angel, though Baekhyun would be even more elated if they included some painkillers, too. He empties the glass in one go, but it isn't enough to clear his mind and make him feel even a bit less like a spat out piece of chewing gum or a ran over frog. Characters written on the note remain blurred for a few seconds, until Baekhyun squints and eventually manages to make them out.

You didn't have any painkillers, so I'm leaving you with this.
- Junmyeon.
The note is so short Baekhyun checks the other side too, unable to believe Junmyeon left him something written so dryly. There's just this one sentence on the both sides of the paper, and Baekhyun blankly stares at it until...

Wait. Junmyeon was in his apartment last night?

Baekhyun groans in frustration, crumpling the note up and throwing it somewhere on the floor. What was he even thinking last night and why is recalling it so difficult it only increases his headache? Maybe it's better he doesn't clearly remember all the stupid shit he did, since it puts the upcoming wave of embarrassment back in time. He starts recalling the events from the day before from his and Junmyeon's trip to the beach; going home and calling Minseok is next, followed by...

Baekhyun is a reckless, emotionally unstable fucking idiot and there's absolutely no denying that.

There's still too much alcohol in his body to let him think straight and replay their conversation word by word, but after a minute or two spent on thinking, he gets a general idea of the way their conversation flowed. Being hungover and realizing what a mess you made are ones of the worst things combined, together making a couple powerful enough to convince one to get drunk again and never sober up.

Baekhyun has probably offended and significantly pissed Minseok off; or worse, destroyed their friendship for good. He must've said many inconsiderate and hurting words, given how mad he'd gotten over... What, exactly? The fact Minseok keeps in touch with one of his acquaintances, who also happens to be Baekhyun's ex boyfriend? It was so incredibly stupid of Baekhyun to throw a fit over it he wants to crawl under a rock and never leave the safe place again. To Baekhyun's misery and to make the matters worse, it was even before he went on the lookout for some alcohol.

Replaying the rest of the night is going to be very, very painful.

The last thing he remembers from the unfortunate drinking session is calling Junmyeon and begging him to come over, which must've put him in an undoubtedly good light in Junmyeon's eyes. They've known each other for a while and it's not that Baekhyun has never made a fool of himself in front of Junmyeon before, but it was particularly horrible moment of weakness he should've coped with all by himself without dragging anyone into this mess. If Junmyeon hadn't thought of him as a hopeless fool, he’ll certainly start to do so having witnessed Baekhyun's breakdown last night; the note explains it all, and Baekhyun is sure more nonsense had come out his mouth than he's able to retrieve.

Too drunk to deal with his own bullshit, he ignores the sickness settling in his stomach and goes back to sleep.

*

No sooner does Baekhyun get up than the time reads five in the evening. He's utterly, undeniably doomed and his mind is finally clear enough to comprehend how hopeless his state is.

He kicks the blanket off his body and it falls on the floor, heat pouring into Baekhyun's apartment through the open windows in the kitchen. Did Junmyeon open them before he left or was it Baekhyun sometime earlier? He isn't sure and, in all honesty, it's the last thing he cares about at the moment. How is he going to fall asleep fairly early so that he won't be a zombie at work the next day? There's no point in doing anything today as it's already too late for things considered productive, so he might as well change his clothes, grab some food and go back to sleep.

There's something he has to take care of, though, and it's enough to make him retch.

"Did you wake up, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks. He took his time picking up the phone and Baekhyun wonders if it has something to do with last night. "How do you feel?"

"Do you really want to know?" Baekhyun groans. It's safe to stay with closed eyes, lying on the couch lifelessly and letting the summer heat burn his skin. "I haven't gotten up from the couch yet. I feel like dying, why did you even let me drink?"

"I didn't. You were already drunk when you called me," Junmyeon says, clearly not amused by Baekhyun's attempts at brightening up the mood. "I could do nothing than hide the bottle away from you."

"I'm sorry, Junmyeon. I shouldn't have bothered you." Baekhyun's apology is met by silence. He finds it hard to admit the fault in himself, but is it fair to make him fully responsible for his actions considering he wasn't thinking straight? "I hope I didn't say anything stupid or inappropriate."

"No, Baekhyun. It's fine, really." Junmyeon's voice isn't convincing even for a hungover person, but Baekhyun concludes he shouldn't pry. Junmyeon sounds tired and somehow upset and it's probably Baekhyun's fault, even if he denies it. "You're quite demanding when you're drunk, though."

"Aren't I always," Baekhyun laughs, but the only response he gets is a quiet chuckle. It clearly isn't working. "Now that I'm awake, want to go out later when it's a little colder? In our favorite park, maybe, since they even sell..."

"Didn't you have enough last night?" Junmyeon cuts him off and Baekhyun's heart freezes when Junmyeon's annoyance fully gets itself across. "For god's sake, Baekhyun. Cook something, buy painkillers and pull yourself together."

"Take it easy, Junmyeon," Baekhyun answers nonchalantly, but his confidence goes down and probably it will be better if they end their conversation now. "I'm too hungry to talk to you any longer. See you."

Baekhyun quickly ends the call and barely catches Junmyeon's goodbye, short and indifferent. He's never seen Junmyeon get upset over anyone or anything, and he definitely wasn't expecting to be the one who's driven Junmyeon mad; at least not with something as innocent as a hungover phone call.

Junmyeon may seem to have patience of an angel, but such people have their boundaries as well and Baekhyun must've accidentally crossed them.

Baekhyun gets up from the couch and somehow manages to drag himself to the kitchen. He isn't in the mood to cook anything, as his head is still throbbing and, for some reason, moving his limbs is quite painful. During first few weeks after Kyungsoo broke up with him, these things were something Baekhyun got used to; he wouldn't drink every evening, but weekends were filled with emptying bottles of various kinds of alcohol as well as drowning in self-pity. It wasn't until Minseok realized his friend's life was getting out of control and moved in for three weeks, despite Baekhyun's protests. It did help, though, as Baekhyun never found getting drunk comforting at all and a breathing human turned to be a better company to listen to his worries than a lifeless, glass bottle.

For the first time in over a month, Baekhyun wishes he never left Seoul. If he'd been brave enough to stay, he wouldn't have met Junmyeon and, most importantly, ruined his friendship with Minseok.

The first thing itself isn't bad, but falling for Junmyeon is a completely different story.

*

"I think it's about time I stopped being surprised by seeing you in your zombie form on Mondays," Sehun says when Baekhyun turns up at work, eye bags and red eyes catching everyone's attention as he passes by.

"Are you still?" Baekhyun glares at him, irritated by basically everything since his short sleep got interrupted by the alarm clock. He isn't even able to bring himself to care about Sehun's newly bleached hair and light blue shirt, one of Baekhyun's favorites. "You've known me for months, Sehunnie and, as you can see, my weekend was..."

"That's okay," Sehun pats Baekhyun's shoulder lightly and gives him a smile, his eyes too bright and happy for a Monday morning. "You have me and Jongin to cheer you up."

Sehun must've had some fun with Yoona over the weekend; it's been a long time since he last glowed so much. Baekhyun wouldn't mind spending two days like that, though definitely not with Yoona; with Sehun, maybe, but Junmyeon would make him absolutely elated.

If only Baekhyun didn't fuck up.

"You're way too cheerful today. I'm starting to suspect you've won a lottery or something," Baekhyun says. Sehun even brought him coffee; Baekhyun didn't want to miss their usual small talk by the coffee machine, but Jongin promised to drop by his cubicle later. "Tell me where the secret for a true happiness lies."

"I went to Seoul with Yoona this weekend," Sehun admits, a dreamy expression painted all over his face. "I didn't bring you anything though. You've lived in Seoul, so..."

"You're just a cheapskate, aren't you," Baekhyun teases. He forgets about his eyelids he's barely keeping open and laughs, amused by Sehun's silly excuse. "Do you regret spending money on your girlfriend as well? You should've told me about the trip. I would've recommended you some great places guides keep silent about."

"You can go with us next time, and Junmyeon too," Sehun suggests. "You seem to have incredible skills at dragging Junmyeon out of his cave. He's always telling me about your meetings whenever I ask him what he's been up to."

"He does?" Baekhyun asks, failing to mask his surprise. Normally it would wake up the tiny butterflies in his stomach and get their wings into tingling motion, but taking the weekend into account, said wings can only prickle his insides. "I appreciate your offer by the way, though I don't feel like being a third wheel."

"You could take Junmyeon to your favorite spots for some sightseeing." Sehun winks, spinning around in his chair. Baekhyun starts to get annoyed with this obnoxious display of happily being in love. He doesn't remember the last time he acted like this and the fact he can't even recall how it's like makes him excruciatingly jealous. "And yes, he does talk about you a lot. I'm actually surprised you two are getting along so well."

Not anymore, Baekhyun thinks.

"We'll see about that," he replies instead and takes a first sip of his coffee. It's already cold. "I'm going to get some fresh coffee. It's your fault it got cold before I even tasted it."

Sehun sticks his tongue out at Baekhyun once Baekhyun stands up. He doesn't ask whether Baekhyun wants him as a company and Baekhyun is grateful for that; he really doesn't feel like carrying a conversation and it's not just with Sehun, but everyone in general. Surrounding himself with people could help him take his mind off his fight with Minseok, not to mention Junmyeon being upset with him for god knows what, but all he needs after a weekend filled with unpleasant adventures is silence and some time for himself to think things through. Maybe he should just take a few days off and get to grips with his life? He still has plenty of days to use and it might actually help at sorting the things out; most people won't even notice his absence, and if Jongin or Sehun asks for the reason of it, he'll just make up a shitty excuse and quickly change the topic.

He can only hope that, this time, it won't end up with him giving up and leaving his life in the hands of fate. It has hardly ever led to anything good in his life and he doesn't really need more proof.

*

Just like most of Baekhyun's plans, the one he came up with on Monday falls through.

He doesn't go to work on Thursday and Friday, earning two extra days for moping around his apartment; when he feels like leaving his bed, that is. Contrary to Junmyeon, who's been silent all this time, Minseok has been trying to get through to him since Sunday evening; Baekhyun is too big of a coward to pick any of the calls. His friend's persistence and efforts only make him guilty, because he should be the one trying to get in touch with Minseok with such dedication. He's running away from facing the conflict on purpose, instead of looking for a way to resolve it. The easiest option is to finally talk to Minseok, either through replying to one of the hundreds of text he's received or picking up the phone.

Sometimes the most difficult things to do don't seem like it at all.

Baekhyun finds it hard to believe he's managed to convince himself he'd use the days off for picking the pieces of his friendships to glue them together. He can only hope for an apology and explanation to do wonders. What else could he do, though? The rest of the story depends on the other person, but it's undeniably Baekhyun's role to make the first move. If only he hadn't hurt two people practically at once; he doesn't know which matter to take care of first, so he just opts for none. He hasn't touched his phone for a day; it's already Friday evening and when he finally does check the inbox, it's stuffed with messages from both Jongin and Sehun, asking for the reasons of his absence and desperately trying to make sure he's okay.

Baekhyun actually feels bad for shutting them off, so he replies with a simple I'm fine and never looks at the device again.

He sticks to that strategy until Sehun decides to keep calling him and he only stops when Baekhyun finally picks the damn phone up
.
"I thought you were dead," Sehun says, but he sounds relieved on hearing Baekhyun's hoarse voice. "We've been worrying about you, Jongin and I. If it will make you feel better, Junmyeon asked how were you, too."

"You have no reason to worry," Baekhyun says. His heart skips a bit on a mention about Junmyeon; why didn't the older man try to call Baekhyun himself? "I'm trying to sort my life out, but I've been doing a shitty job. That's nothing unusual, though, so you should just..."

"You're not going to ditch me so easily," Sehun warns. Baekhyun wouldn't usually take him seriously, but he's too exhausted to hold his ground. "Jongin and I are about to get off work, so just text me your address and we'll drop by. Don't even try to get out of this."

Baekhyun has no other choice than to do as asked if he doesn't want to ruin another two friendships, so he sends Sehun his address as soon as their call is over. He doesn't feel like having guests at all, wailing in misery all by himself too comfortable to let go of so easily; on the other hand, though, he knows he'll never deal with his problems if no one pushes him to do so.

"Is this what you call being fine?" Sehun asks, once Baekhyun lets him and Jongin in. He leads them to the kitchen, the least messy room in his apartment. "What's going on, Baekhyun? I knew something was off the moment I saw you enter the company on Monday, but I never thought..."

"I fucked up, is that what you want to hear?" Baekhyun grits through his teeth. For some reason, his headache is coming back; is it a side effect of having to face the reality after a few days of blissful ignorance? "Or, maybe, do you want some juicy details?"

"That's not a satisfying answer." Jongin takes three cups out of the cabinet and puts one tea bag in each of them. The water is already boiling. "We do want the details, sure, but not for gossip."

"Did Junmyeon say anything about me this week to either of you?" Baekhyun asks. He can't bring himself to face any of his coworkers so he just stares at the table and his clasped hands. "I think... No, I'm sure he's mad at me, but I can't figure out why."

"He texted me yesterday and asked about you," Sehun admits, taking the cup from Jongin and placing it next to the window sill. "You must've done something serious to make him upset, you know. Rack your brains and apologize. Making up with Junmyeon isn't hard."

"And isn't with my best friend, either, but I've been ignoring him all week anyway," Baekhyun groans. Having Sehun's and Jongin's eyes only on him doesn't help at opening up, but it's probably the only successful way to force him to speak. "I fought with him about something really stupid over the phone on Saturday. I was so angry at him I got drunk, did more dumb shit and then called Junmyeon, begging him to come over. That's all I remember."

"Why does Junmyeon always have to deal with drunk people," Sehun chuckles. He clears his throat and continues when Jongin sends him a disapproving look. "Jongin and I have called him countless times after we had too many drinks and he never minded it, so... It must be something you did unconsciously."

"But how the fuck am I going to apologize for something I'm not aware of?"

Baekhyun's words are taken over by frustration, but he doesn't care if they come out dramatically or not. Wouldn't any other person react the same way?

He knows what he's fought about with Minseok, but Junmyeon holding him off for an unknown reasons is tearing his heart out every day.

"Talk to him," Jongin says, by no means impressed with Baekhyun's glares. "Or drop by his store, whatever you like. If you don't reach out to him and ask what made him upset, he'll never open up first."

"That isn't the answer I was expecting to hear," Baekhyun mutters. He's the only one who hasn't touched his tea yet. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me, though?"

"He will talk to you," Sehun assures and takes one of Baekhyun's hands into his, squeezing it in a comforting manner. "He's worried about you. After all, he wouldn't ask about you if he was as upset as you think he is."

Baekhyun remembers that one Saturday when he got to hold Junmyeon's hand, too. When it comes to physical appearance, Sehun is, in fact, his ideal type, but holding his hand is nothing compared to the way Junmyeon's fingers intertwined with his made him feel.
Jongin and Sehun leave in the evening, having cheered Baekhyun up a bit with some lame jokes and some gossips they've heard at work during his absence. Jongin also talks about his dogs, keeping Baekhyun well informed about their blithe lives and Soojung complaining that he's paying more attention to his dogs than her. Jongin reveals they haven't been dating for long; it means they're still head over heels for each other.

Just like Baekhyun is for Junmyeon, but he doesn't even want to come around to accepting it.

Part 4