Comments | baeraad: Chapter three: Ravenscar

baeraad

Chapter three: Ravenscar

Nov 07, 2011 19:46

Hmm, this isn't going so well. I'm behind on words, and I seem to have some trouble really "feeling" the plot. Still, nothing to it - on we go...

( Witch Stone, chapter three )

witch stone, nanowrimo, story

Comments 5

sunlit_music November 8 2011, 08:24:58 UTC

That was an amazing chapter! The story just keeps getting better and better. Mansuur was genuinely creepy, and the cult like hold he had over his audience was frightening.

I like Jalon. He seemed charming, sweet and unsure of what to do. I think he was very brave in warning Dara about the danger she would face. And I loved how Dara had enough courage to stand up to Mansuur and rescue Jalon. I'll say this for her, she's got guts! :D

baeraad November 8 2011, 16:10:22 UTC

I'm glad you thought Mansuur was creepy. He's our cackling maniacal supervillain for the story - his part is not a very deeply characterised one, but he plays it with great enthusiasm. ;)

I kind of liked how Jalon turned out, too. He's a good guy doing his best in a very confusing situation. You'll get a few more hints about what he's about in the next chapter. :)

yahalomay November 13 2011, 08:26:46 UTC

No, screw it, *my* NaNoWriMo pledge is to comment on every chapter.

Jalon and Dara's initial friendship-chemistry sets them up very well for the next chapter. I adore their dynamic.

Jalon reveals just enough to keep the plot interesting, but not too much as to give anything away. Very mysterious - and at the same time, it's not that infuriating "I know something you don't know nah nah" tone some books get.

Mansuur is appropriately creepy.

T action scene is very well executed - a good ratio of "stuff is happening!" and description. Enough description that you still know what's going on at all times and it seems very real, but without impacting on the urgency/immediacy of the scene.

Excellent chapter!

baeraad November 13 2011, 14:08:27 UTC

No, screw it, *my* NaNoWriMo pledge is to comment on every chapter.

You're so good to me. :D

Very mysterious - and at the same time, it's not that infuriating "I know something you don't know nah nah" tone some books get.

Glad you think so. :) My idea was that he isn't really trying to be mysterious, it's just that he can't exactly make sense of it himself. And so, not being much of a structured thinker, he keeps saying the first thing that comes to mind for him.

yahalomay November 14 2011, 04:18:24 UTC

My idea was that he isn't really trying to be mysterious, it's just that he can't exactly make sense of it himself.

Yeah, Jalon isn't *trying* to be mysterious, he just doesn't really understand it. I think that's the key - since he doesn't really understand it, it isn't infuriating for the audience not to understand it (i.e. "Nah nah I know something you don't know").

You're so good to me. :D

I try. :D