I like how Jalon was trying to make the best of an awkward situation and help Dara feel less embarrassed. And I love how he's nearly always unflappable.
I think it's great that Jalon has a lot of patience and empathy for other people. And I'm glad that he could give Dara tips on understanding and connecting with others. She might need that later - she's only human, like everyone else. :)
The action and dialogue is well mixed and fast paced. Keep up the great work!
You really don't like Dara, do you? Awwww - she's so misunderstood! ;)
By the way, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this is my attempt at writing a woman's story. So the reason why Jalon is so sympathetic is because he is written specifically to be the kind of person that it would be pleasant to rescue from the clutches of Evil, while Dara (being the tragically flawed protagonist) is written to be neurotic and have a lot of internal conflict. In other words, kind of like any story I ever write, but with the genders flipped. See, I can it this way when I want to. 8)
So... *knowing eyes* Is *that* how you find things to like about other people?
Kidding, kidding. I did enjoy the interaction between Dara and Jalon. They're getting to know one another better and I'm enjoying it. I think they have the right personality mesh to be lasting friends. He is so utterly sure of himself that he doesn't take Dara's stand-offishness to heart and he's interesting enough for Dara to tolerate him, and I think once someone worms their way into her heart they'll stay there. Even if it's less "worm" than "sledgehammer" but, hey.
I think they have the right personality mesh to be lasting friends.
You may well be right. :) Dara could use someone in her life who's cheery and friendly and isn't put off by her constant failure to be either of those things. And Jalon is, I think, honestly impressed with the sheer force-of-nature-ness of Dara. You can say that much for her, she is never boring to be around. ;)
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I think it's great that Jalon has a lot of patience and empathy for other people. And I'm glad that he could give Dara tips on understanding and connecting with others. She might need that later - she's only human, like everyone else. :)
The action and dialogue is well mixed and fast paced. Keep up the great work!
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By the way, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this is my attempt at writing a woman's story. So the reason why Jalon is so sympathetic is because he is written specifically to be the kind of person that it would be pleasant to rescue from the clutches of Evil, while Dara (being the tragically flawed protagonist) is written to be neurotic and have a lot of internal conflict. In other words, kind of like any story I ever write, but with the genders flipped. See, I can it this way when I want to. 8)
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Kidding, kidding. I did enjoy the interaction between Dara and Jalon. They're getting to know one another better and I'm enjoying it. I think they have the right personality mesh to be lasting friends. He is so utterly sure of himself that he doesn't take Dara's stand-offishness to heart and he's interesting enough for Dara to tolerate him, and I think once someone worms their way into her heart they'll stay there. Even if it's less "worm" than "sledgehammer" but, hey.
Dara does have a temper, doesn't she? :P
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You may well be right. :) Dara could use someone in her life who's cheery and friendly and isn't put off by her constant failure to be either of those things. And Jalon is, I think, honestly impressed with the sheer force-of-nature-ness of Dara. You can say that much for her, she is never boring to be around. ;)
Dara does have a temper, doesn't she? :P
She does, and she really hates surprises. ;)
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