Remember the cliché prompts? Fic (1/2)
In January, I asked people to give me cliché prompts. I expected to write small ficlets, all done in a day or two. I was oh so wrong. I'm not very good at ficlets.
Anyways, this is the first part of norwich36's prompt: bodyswitching. Because there can never be enough stories where Clark and Lex find out about each other from the inside.
I declare bodyswitching the hardest cliché ever! Seriously, guys, I wrote about 5 different approaches to this topic. At one point, I had Lex, Clark, Lana and Chloe switch bodies and the fic was actually going somewhere until Clark and Lex decided to just behave like dicks and hate each other very much, while Lana and Chloe decided to take over the world as Clark Kent and Lex Luthor and I backed away slowly when I realized that I was attempting to write bodyswitch/genderswitch/m-preg.
So I returned to my very first attempt at this genre.
It's set during and after "Zod". This is really the last episode where Clark and Lex's relationship feels salvagable to me. The Lana mess hasn't progressed very far, and Lex hasn't yet done all the terrible stuff he did in S6. Clark even expresses regret that he can't talk to him anymore in the episode, and he spares Lex's life at a great risk to anyone else - something I'm not sure he'd do right now.
Title: From The Ruins (1/2)
Rating: PG
Words: 9156
Warnings: Spoilers for Vessel/Zod, unbetaed
Summary: Pulling Zod out of Lex's body doesn't work quite as expected.
Needles. Stinging him in the back of his neck and on his scalp, and behind his ears and everywhere. Sunlight, like needles to the brain when he opened his eyes.
Clark blinked. It didn't go away. His head hurt, on the inside and the outside. His mouth tasted odd. His hand hurt like someone had dripped molten kryptonite on it.
He didn't want to move. Ever.
"I can crush rocks with my bare hands," Clark said.
He didn't, of course, say that. There was absolutely no reason to say that. Clark had been able to crush rocks as long as he could think and it wasn't all that exciting.
But he heard himself say that.
"And judging from the fact that you're groaning and squirming, whereas I feel better than I have in a long time, I think that it's a good bet to say that your powers have worn off," Clark heard himself go on in tone that sounded as if it couldn't decide whether to be gloating or bemused.
He cracked his eyes open again, or at least tried to. This wasn't good. The needles rustled against his scalp, and Clark realized two things at once: the needles were actually dry grass, and his head was bald.
"I'd say I win," Clark's voice went on, coming somewhere from above him.
Clark squinted at the looming shadow. Features took on shape, and he was looking up at himself, shredded blue shirt and dusty hair and all.
If Clark hadn't switched bodies before, he might have needed a little longer to get it, but this was really pretty obvious. If he was bald, and his body babbling about powers, then Clark was in Lex body, and the guy in Clark's body wasn't Zod.
So. Lex wasn't dead. And Zod wasn't around anymore. That was… good.
Clark had saved the world, and he hadn't killed Lex. It was almost more than Clark felt he deserved.
"Lex?" Clark croaked, and winced immediately when Lex's voice came out of his mouth. Lex's mouth, technically. He sounded like shit. He agreed with Lex's theory that the powers Fine had given Lex were gone.
"In your body," Lex confirmed. His tone was light, but with a dangerous, unbalanced edge. Manic, Clark believed it was also called.
Clark raised his hand, which hurt his muscles in places where they shouldn't hurt and looked at his palm. Only faint traces of the crystal crest were left. The last thing Clark remembered were his and Zod's hands both wrapped around the crest and then a flash of darkness, like the opposite of lightning.
"Zod?" he asked, just to be sure.
Lex raised his - Clark's - brows. "You're not making sense."
Right. Lex was the king of memory loss, so maybe he didn't remember the whole Zod mess. Which could be kind of good… only Lex had already found out about being able to crush stones and Lex wasn't stupid. "What do you remember?"
"Enough to know you wanted to kill me," Lex replied, and for the first time, Clark forgot Zod and focused entirely on now. Lex had powers and he hadn't. And Lex was really angry. "You held a dagger to my throat."
Clark gulped. He wished he could sit up and move away from Lex, but his muscles didn't go along with that. Being human sounded a lot better when you were an invulnerable alien.
"Do you remember any of what happened after that?" Clark soldiered on bravely. He'd defeated an evil megalomaniac alien monster, he could deal with Lex. Maybe.
Lex frowned, and Clark had the opportunity to see his own face in deep thought. It was weird. He looked like he had a stomach ache.
"Milton Fine was in the barn," Lex realized slowly, as if he had to drag the memories out by their hair. "You threw the dagger at him. Why?"
"He wanted me to kill you," Clark confessed. It made sense to him, he had thought he was being clever then, killing Fine instead of Lex. It turned out to be exactly the thing Fine wanted. But how could Clark have known? Jor-El gave him the dagger.
Lex ran a hand through Clark's hair, slowly, as if feeling for imperfections. His expression had grown distant.
"You're an alien."
Clark said nothing. There wasn't anything to say. He wasn't breathing either, because he had forgotten how. Lex had seen him using his powers and talking to Fine. Lex was inside Clark's body.
Every lie Clark had ever told him had been pointless. In the end, Lex had found out.
After a while, a tentative bird started to sing and rustle in the underbrush close to them. The sun beat down on Clark's face. It was getting hot in Zod's leather coat. His body still ached and his heart felt dry and dead, like the grass.
He didn't regret not killing Lex. He should, because a lot of people had died because Clark hesitated. But he couldn't regret sparing Lex.
He didn't regret lying to Lex, because it had been necessary.
He did regret not telling Lex the truth.
"No objections?" Lex asked. He sounded suspicious.
Clark shook his head, letting the grass needles sting him.
Lex held up his hands and studied them. Clark's hands. He must have seen and felt them a thousand times. Clark had to tell him to be careful with them. They could break more than stones.
God, this was Lex. Lex wasn't Zod, but he had killed. He had tortured Arthur and Victor. Maybe Lex wouldn't even care about breaking things. Maybe Clark hadn't saved the world.
Lex lowered his hands and turned his frown on Clark. His features smoothed and became completely blank, unreadable to Clark even though they were his own. "How did I end up in your body?"
Clark tried to come up with a better excuse than 'I don't know', but then he realized that there wasn't much point in lying about this. From what Clark had seen of Metropolis, Zod would be all over the news as soon as there were news again.
"It's a bit complicated," Clark said, wishing for something to drink and his own, pain-free body. Not necessarily in that order.
Lex didn't blink. It was more like absence of a blink, so noticeable that it was clear that a lesser man would have blinked. "Try me."
Clark did. He told Lex the story. It was surprisingly easy, when he just ignored who he was talking to. He'd become used to telling people, after Pete and Chloe. He started with explaining why Zod needed a body and from there got to a lot of other things, each a little easier to confess than the last.
"I need to see," Lex said, as soon as Clark was finished.
"See what?" Clark asked, but Lex was already was gone in a rustle of dry grass, leaving Clark alone on the empty field.
*
Lex stood on the roof of LuthorCorp tower. He had been standing there for some time, precariously close to the edge.
The wind that whipped his face smelled acrid, of half-extinguished fires and smoke. The sky was hidden behind an infernal curtain of dust. But Lex had his eyes closed.
He listened. From horizon to horizon, the world was filled with noise. It was closing in on him, like a mob, like a screaming murder of crows.
Waking in Clark's body had felt like waking from the dead. Like filling his lungs with breath for the very first time, like drinking pure sunlight. Exactly what Clark's body should feel like. And then, running to Metropolis - running had been terrifying in his own body when he had had powers, like driving without brakes, but in Clark's body, Lex was absolutely certain that he was the strongest, fastest, most alive being in the universe, and nothing could kill him.
But now those invulnerable legs were trembling, and bit by bit, giving in. Every wail, every sob, every breath the wounded city took forced him to his knees.
With a last, harsh breath Lex clamped his hands over his ears and curled in on himself. He wouldn't scream. He wouldn't.
*
It took Clark a while to get up and manage to stay up, but he was feeling better already. He shucked the stupid leather duster, felt in the grass for the crystal Raya had given him, and when he found it, slipped it into his pocket and started to walk into the direction of the farm.
It was the longest walk of his life.
Being in Lex's body was nothing like being human had been a year ago when Jor-El had taken his powers. Then, every step had felt like treading on air, like he had been dead wood and been turned into living flesh. Now, each step was a battle against gravity. He had a raging headache, too.
Finally, the farm came into view. The barn looked bad - how would they repair it without Clark's powers? At least his Mom would probably believe Clark when he told her it was him and not Zod in Lex's body, but what about everyone else? What about the people who had seen Zod? What if there were security cameras, or other evidence that indicated Lex?
And where the hell had Lex gone?
By the time Clark shuffled up to the kitchen door, he wanted nothing more than to explain fast so he could get something to eat and drink. He didn't bother knocking and just went in.
Lionel was pacing the living room, talking on his cell phone, and his Mom was tidying up the kitchen. She dropped the pan she had been holding with a gasp when she saw him and Lionel turned around, lowering the phone like someone would lower a gun.
Clark raised his hands, palms out. "Mom, it's me, Clark."
They both gaped at him for a moment, then she raised her hand to her mouth, stifling a strangled noise.
"Clark?" Lionel asked, and took a step closer. The open, trust-worthy expression Clark had come to expect on the older Luthor's face was gone, replaced by something sharper, harder, a look that Clark didn't like at all. It was the look Lionel had for Lex, sometimes, when Lex did something unexpected.
"What happened to you?" his Mom asked, pushing forward and looking him up and down as if she could somehow find him beneath Lex's skin.
"Zod is defeated," Clark explained. "I used a crystal I got in the Phantom Zone. It pulled Zod out of Lex's body… and then Lex and I sorta switched."
"Lex?" Lionel said, and his expression grew even sharper. It was greed, Clark realized. Clark gave him a frown. From the shock on Lionel's face when he told him he had to kill Lex, Clark would have expected a different reaction to the news that Lex was alive.
"He's in my body now." He saw his Mom's eyes widen in concern. "I don't know where he went."
Or what he was doing. What was the worst Lex could do in Clark's body? Kill, of course, but why should Lex kill randomly? Lex had no reason to walk around murdering and pillaging and robbing banks. That wasn't the kind of bad thing Lex did. Actually, the only thing Clark really worried about was that Lex wouldn't come back, that he would just take Clark's body and leave. Lex had said he wanted Clark's life…
"Does he remember - ?" Martha started.
"Not everything." Since no one offered him anything, Clark moved towards the sink to get a glass of water. His Mom noticed and ushered him to the table.
"Sit, sweetie. Are you feeling alright?"
"The powers Lex had are gone. I don't have any. But it's alright, I'm not hurt. Did you hear anything from Lana or Chloe?"
"Lana and Lois are at the hospital," Martha said and put a plate with some sandwiches next to the pitcher of lemonade on the table. "I haven't heard anything from Chloe, though."
Clark asked about Lois and the plane crash, but out of the corner of his eye he watched Lionel. He hadn't seen him interact with Lex for some time, and hadn't thought much about whether Lionel had reformed when it came to his son.
"The crystal you used," Lionel asked after some time, "I assume it was similar to the one that caused us to switch bodies two years ago?"
Caused them to switch body. More like used by Lionel to steal Clark's body, Clark thought angrily.
"I don't know," he said, unwilling to explain. He would go to the Fortress with the crystal once he had taken care of other stuff. Hopefully Jor-El would recognize him in Lex's body. Maybe he could do something to reverse the change. "It's gone."
"Hmm," Lionel said, rubbing his beard, and Clark had the feeling he didn't believe it.
"I'll go put on some different clothes," he excused himself after a moment and got up.
"I need to head to Metropolis, Martha," Lionel said immediately, following the move. "If you don't need my help anymore - ?"
"Oh, no, please go. I'll manage on my own. Just call us if there's any news about… if there's news," Clark heard her say as he quickly headed outside, for the barn. He had clothes up in his room, but in the barn was where he kept his important stuff.
The place was wrecked, but the stairs to the loft looked stable enough to take the risk and climb up. The shelves had fallen over, and the wooden floor was strewn with books and other stuff. At least the damage wasn't as bad as it had been in the second meteor shower. Clark made his way through the mess to look for his leaden box with kryptonite.
He nearly yelped when he noticed that he wasn't alone.
On the floor, with his back to the back of the couch, sat Lex. He looked as if he were trying to minimize the space Clark's body took up by having his arms wrapped around his knees and his head resting on them. Now he lifted his head, and, wow, he looked bad. Exhaustion didn't show much on Clark's face, but somehow Lex had managed it. He was soot-smeared, his hair dusty and tousled worse than usually, and Clark could honestly say that he had never seen Lex wearing clothes this dishevelled. Clark's blue T-shirt was still shredded, and Lex had lost the red jacket, it seemed.
"I went to Metropolis," Lex said, in a tone that suggested 'I went to hell and back.'
"Oh," was all Clark could think of.
"I don't know how many people died. I nearly destroyed the city. I nearly killed Lana. My Dad. You."
Lex didn't exactly sound guilty, but Clark took the shell-shocked tone to mean that Lex wasn't proud of it, either.
"You didn't. Zod did."
"If I hadn't given Fine the opportunity to infect me with the virus, none of this would have happened," Lex objected, switching suddenly from blank to fierce.
Clark went to kneel down next to him. Lex's volatile temper was making him wary, but he had dealt with an irrational Lex before. It was vastly preferable to cold and inscrutable Lex. "And if I hadn't tried to kill Fine, it wouldn't have happened either."
"It's both our fault," Lex agreed, suddenly fatally calm again.
Clark blinked, looking at him in confusion. He felt something he hadn't felt in a long time, the connection with Lex that used to be there, that had made it seem as if there were things only the two of them understood. Big, important things.
It was their fault. Anyone else would have told Clark not to worry, not to blame himself.
"I guess it wouldn't have happened if we hadn't lied to each other so much," Clark sighed.
"I'm surprised you told me the truth," Lex said after a moment, softly, almost in a whisper. "I didn't think you ever would. I even stopped gathering evidence."
Clark looked away. Now that they talked civilly to each other, it hurt all the more to know that their friendship was gone. "It's too late now."
He had hoped Lex would object, would at least answer, but there came nothing for a long time. Clark was almost ready to say the one last thing that was left to say, the apology that wouldn't change anything, when Lex asked,
"Will you help me rebuild the city?"
Clark gave Lex a startled glance, trying to see if this was a peace offering or a trick question or something else, but wearing Clark's face made Lex no more easy to read.
Rebuild the city. No one but Lex would ever suggest something like that, like the city was a toy smashed in a childish rage or an accident, like it was their responsibility to rebuild it, like it was the most normal thing in the world and yet infinitely meaningful. But it was their responsibility, and Clark wanted nothing more than to say yes, glad that Lex understood, that he didn't have to convince him or argue with him. He wanted so much to be able to talk to someone who understood about power and responsibility and Lex was the only one who ever had…
"What about this?" Clark moved his hand between them vaguely, but Lex understood that, too. He brushed the hair out of his face, the intensity about him lowering to normal levels as he gathered his thoughts.
"Do you still have the crystal that did this?"
Clark did hesitate. Years of secrecy didn't just go away. But he knew that Lex was watching him, probably counting the seconds before Clark answered. Clark slipped it out of his pocket and showed it to him.
"So," Lex said, lips quirking into a rusty, twisted smile. "You lied to my Dad. In case we don't manage to reverse this, that's a promising sign."
*
They didn't manage to reverse it, and Lex was momentarily distracted from the general misery of the situation by the fact that Clark did not in the least know how his alien technology worked. How could Clark not know that? Clark even admitted that he could have learned how to use it. It made Lex irrationally angry, which wasn't helping his attempt to get his emotions back under control.
In any case, all Clark had to contribute to the process was, "We touch it, and then we sorta think about switching."
Not surprisingly, nothing happened with that kind of approach to the problem.
Lex wasn't too sure about very many things right now. He'd made decisions this last year, hard and painful ones, against his instincts and ambitions. He'd chosen goals that seemed attainable over those that were truly desirable. He'd chosen Lana over the chance of reconciling with Clark. He'd chosen power over winning by better, fairer means. He'd given up on being a good and a great man in favour of being safe and happy. It might have worked, it might not have worked, but now his life had been interrupted, had been thrown into darkness and chaos like the city and Lex had the opportunity to reconsider.
The truth was out between him and Clark. From the moment Lex had suspected that there was a truth to be known, he'd been sure that it would make all the difference in the world if Clark told him willingly or not. He hadn't. Lex had no delusions that Clark would have lied today as he always had if there had been any chance of Lex believing his lies, now that he was in Clark's body and could firsthand experience the truth.
But Clark had lied to him before even when it had been obvious. And this time he hadn't lied, hadn't insulted Lex's intellect with his awkward excuses.
And aside from the truth, which was a two-edged sword, since Lex had accumulated secrets of his own over the years, Clark had saved Lex's life.
Clark had saved Lex's life so many times that it had become meaningless, a habit almost, but this time felt as important as the first - maybe more. Clark had spared Lex.
Lex was sure that no one else in the world would have. His own father would have easily killed him. Lana would have done it - according to Clark, she had tried it and nearly succeeded. And Lex couldn't blame her. He would have killed himself to stop Zod, now that he had seen what Zod had done to Metropolis.
It meant something. Clark hadn't spared Lex out of weakness. He had killed meteor mutants before when necessary. Something in him had wanted Lex to live. Had found him worthy - worth the risk.
For a horrible second, Lex hated Clark for being that… good. He didn't want to be grateful. He didn't want to acknowledge that this time, Clark had been the better man.
And at the same time, he felt the need to live up to Clark's show of confidence.
Lex thought he had long given up on trying to be worthy of Clark Kent's ridiculously hypocritical standards. Not so much apparently. Maybe his Dad had warped him so much that Lex needed a bar raised impossibly high in his life.
And right now, Lex had a body made to jump impossibly high.
Clark handed Lex a fresh T-shirt and a pair of his jeans to replace the ruined clothes Lex still wore. The cotton smelled of detergent and hay, the kind of smell Lex had learned to savour like a forbidden pleasure.
"You need to talk to my lawyers as soon as possible to do damage control," Lex said absentmindedly. This was the kind of thing he could talk about in his sleep. "No court will convict me for this - the authorities will most likely refuse to accept the existence of alien life and if Zod is on any security footage, he'll be doing impossible things. You'll be fine, just let the lawyers do their work."
He peeled off the shredded blue shirt and Clark didn't turn away, even when Lex glanced at him expectantly. Probably Clark had decided that Lex didn't need privacy to undress in Clark's body.
Undressing Clark's body. Lex tried not to look or think too hard about it, but he couldn't help feeling. Soft skin, a dusting of coarse hair here and there, a vibrant warmth in every fibre. Grime and dried sweat still on his skin, Clark's body was far from clean even under the fresh shirt, but it only added to the strange sensuality, making it more real, less Lex's own body.
He paused with his hands on the button on Clark's jeans, but didn't look at Clark, who still hadn't turned away. It was downright rude now, or something else entirely. Maybe Clark was watching because he didn't trust Lex with his body.
Lex was glad for Clark's bangs as he felt his cheeks heat. He didn't trust himself with Clark's body, he never had. God, how many times had he thought he was over this and yet he never was. Head bowed, he fumbled with the button.
There was a loud pop and the button was stuck in a wooden beam some metres away, lodged as firmly as a bullet.
"You need to be careful," Clark said without even so much as a blink as Lex was still staring at the button. He turned around, startled by the serious tone.
"You have to be in control, all the time," Clark went on, and how ridiculous was it to tell Lex this, only, it wasn't. Lex had always thought no one could be more in control than a Luthor, but Clark… Clark had to be in control on a wholly different level. It was a surprise Lex hadn't broken anything yet.
"You only need to let your attention slip for one second, and someone could get hurt." Clark's stern expression was a perfect echo of the late Jonathan Kent.
"I could kill someone," Lex said, remembering how he'd thrown his father across the field. He'd only intended to push him away… distressed, he pulled at the hem of Clark's slipping jeans. "How do you do it?"
Clark deflated a little. "I try very hard. I never let down my guard. And I was reminded of it lots and lots by my parents when I was a kid."
Clark should be able to move with the grace and control of a martial arts master, Lex thought, if he practised that much constant self-discipline. How much of the awkwardness was really just for show?
But Lex had had his own lessons as a child. He doubted that Jonathan Kent had been a sterner teacher than Lionel. If he could control his emotions, then he could control this body.
"I'll manage."
Clark looked him up and down, then nodded, surprisingly quick in his approval. "I guess you've got a better chance than most people," Clark agreed. "Still, be careful."
*
Clark tested Lex's self-assessment by telling him to take them to the mansion.
"This way you can break your own arms before you try anyone else's," he joked uneasily, but then he was silent as Lex's expression shuttered completely and he moved in to seize Clark around the waist. Lex's body was slim, but not that much shorter than Clark's, and it was an awkward hold that forced Clark to wrap his arms around Lex's neck. So close, flush against each other, with only thin fabric between them, Clark was seized by an odd disorientation, an out of body feeling, as if he were at once in his own body and Lex's body, as if they shared one body, one continuous being, one body with two minds. He barely noticed the rush of air or the motion as Lex ran them to the mansion.
When Lex set him down, Clark lingered, unsure how to move, almost unable to do so. Lex had a strangely raw expression on his face when he finally made the step away, leaving Clark behind with the feeling of being stretched impossibly thin.
"We need to dress you in something else and destroy Zod's clothes before you meet my lawyers," Lex said, turning away rather quickly. He'd run them straight to his own room and swiftly gave Clark some his own clothes that he pulled out of a closet. He didn't look on as Clark undressed and dressed.
Clark threw Zod's clothes onto a small pile on the marble floor of the adjoining bathroom when he was done.
"Try looking at them really hard," he told Lex, who ambled over to look at them with a bemused expression on his face.
"Looking - ?" Lex began, then startled. "Clark? Am I supposed to see my plumbing?"
"What? No. That's x-ray vision. Try to make it normal again."
Lex sounded irritated. "How?"
"Just do it. It's like using a telescope - or a microscope or something. Got it?"
"No. I'm seeing… that's… you have microscopic vision? How small can you go?"
"You've seen those images of individual atoms? Like on the internet?"
"I'm seeing the originals, I think." Lex sounded faintly breathless.
"Smaller than that. But don't try it, you'll get a headache. Go back to normal."
It took some squinting and staring, but finally Lex blinked a couple of times and relaxed. He turned to Clark. "Alright, fascinating as that was, what was the point?"
"Actually I wanted you to use heat vision. I can incinerate things by looking at them. It's important that you learn to control that power quickly, it's really dangerous."
"I can imagine. By incinerate you mean - ?"
"Really darn hot. I can melt metal."
Lex raised his brows then turned back to the clothes. "Any special trick?"
Clark cleared his throat. He was glad Lex never blushed, hopefully it was a physical thing and he was safe in Lex's body. "Um, you could think of… uh… hot things?" That sounded possibly even more idiotic in Lex's usually smooth voice than his own.
"Hot as in oven?" Lex inquired, his tone suspicious.
"Uh, look, maybe you should try getting angry?"
Lex made a low sound, almost a chuckle, then stilled. Clark watched him frown in concentration. Lex's look became distant, making Clark's eyes seem a cold green, almost like the other Kryptonians' eyes, and then his mouth set in a thin line.
The clothes vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving only a small cloud of dust. Clark was impressed. Lex straightened, his eyes squeezed shut, and then, after a moment, relaxed with a small exhale of breath. When he looked at Clark, his eyes were a clear hazel once again, open and almost… serene.
"That was strangely cathartic," Lex said.
*
They went to the den next, cleaning up quickly all evidence of Zod's presence until they stumbled on the broken parts of another piece of Kryptonian technology. Lex seemed mesmerized by the charred piece, squinting at it from all angles until Clark got impatient.
"Your vision is incredibly useful," Lex said, waving his complaints away. "Is all your technology based on crystalline structures?"
"I don't know. Didn't you want me to talk to your lawyers?"
Clark regretted suggesting that very soon. Lex gave him some quick instructions how to handle the conversation, then got him on a phone with the loud speaker on, settling opposite Clark with a piece of paper and a pen. The moment it came to business, Lex clearly believed he was the one in charge. He wrote down answers for Clark faster than the sharp-voiced lady on the other end could finish her sentences, and Clark read them out, feeling incredibly stupid. Finally Lex signalled him to end the conversation.
"This isn't working," Clark complained. "I can't pretend I'm you."
"It's not as hard as it looks. You don't have to make any decisions. People will try to anticipate your wishes as much as possible, just let them do their jobs."
"We need to find a way to reverse this," Clark insisted. "We're going to the Fortress."
*
They were both quiet and subdued when they returned from the Fortress to the caves. Jor-El didn't speak to Clark anymore. The once clear crystals had turned a sickly, foreboding shade of red, as if the architecture were slowly bleeding to death. They had no more answers than before, and much less hope at figuring this puzzle out.
Jor-El was gone, Jonathan was gone, and Clark found himself ridiculously glad that at least he could talk to Lex again. They hadn't yet said a word about the state of their friendship, but at least they weren't yelling and trying to kill each other. The secret that had lurked like a huge monster in every room with them for years was now out in the open, and apparently not quite as monstrous as Clark had feared. Compared to Lana, Lex was definitely handling the truth better so far.
"We should visit Lana, shouldn't we?" Clark asked as they stepped out into the summer evening. He dreaded that conversation with Lana, because the last time they had talked, she had said horrible things…
"I assume you'll want to continue to lie to her," Lex said flatly.
Clark met his eyes defensively. "My secret is dangerous."
"It's no longer just your secret," Lex pointed out. "And not knowing might be as dangerous for Lana as knowing. It certainly was for me."
It was unfair somehow that Lex still managed to make Clark feel guilty.
"She can't handle it, Lex. She already told me she didn't know how she could ever love me - do you think that'll be any different if she finds out that I am an alien?"
"If Lana hates you, then it's not because you're an alien, Clark." The soft, accusing sound of his voice had barely reached Clark when there was a blast of air and Lex vanished at full speed, leaving Clark once more behind. He really, really had to apologize to Chloe for doing this all the time.
It was a long walk back to the mansion. Clark felt sick knowing that Lana would find out about him soon, and tired to the bone from this exhausting day. Even when he had been shot, when he had felt the life bleeding out of him, he hadn't felt this much like a mortal.
What if they didn't manage to reverse this? What was left for Clark then? A lonely mansion, a company he didn't know how to manage, money he didn't want, attention from Lionel he wanted even less.
Clark wished he didn't, but he understood why Lex would envy him. He understood why Lex wanted his life, his family, his friends. Clark had gotten the poorer deal out of this, and for the first time in his life, he would have done anything to be Clark Kent again, with all his secrets and his freakish alien superpowers. He really had been an ungrateful bastard.
It was getting dark by the time Clark dragged himself up to Lex's mansion, and he nearly missed the hulking figure sitting on the doorstep of the servant's entry.
Lex had his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped loosely, and was staring at the ground between his feet as if it held the mysteries of the universe. Clark stopped a few feet away from him, unsure what to say. Lex glanced up and Clark saw the weariness on his face.
"I went to the hospital," Lex started.
"How… how did she take it?" Not well, that much was obvious. What if Lana decided that she didn't want to keep the secret, that she was going to tell the world?
Lex's face twisted into a bitter smile. He shook his head. "I didn't tell her."
Clark blinked numbly. "Why?"
Lex sighed and got up, dusting off his jeans. "You were right. Lana was scared of the aliens from the ship before, but whatever she went through with Zod has…turned her into a fanatic."
"Is she alright?"
"Physically, yes. But she - " Lex hesitated, then laughed hollowly. "Lana thought she was talking to you, Clark, and apparently, she thinks she needs to defend me in your eyes. She said that no matter what I did, it would be justified to stop the 'aliens'. It was… an eye-opening experience in xenophobia."
Clark knew it would have been polite to say he was sorry, but he wasn't, so he didn't pretend to be. This sounded as if Lex and Lana wouldn't be dating any longer and Clark didn't think Lex regretted it very much - Lex had only stolen her from Clark to hurt him, and if he had any regrets about it now, it served him right. If Lex was going to leave Lana alone, then Clark guessed he could forgive it eventually. Lana was another story. Despite the hurtful things she'd said to Clark, he felt sorry for her. She was probably wondering why Lex wasn't visiting her in the hospital, but there was no way Clark could go and pretend he was Lex. Staying away would be easier for all of them.
"So you just left?"
"She told me she no longer wanted to see me - or I guess it'd be more correct to say that she told you she no longer wanted to see you. Chloe was visiting her cousin, by the way. She didn't see me, but she seems to be fine."
Clark was relieved to hear that, although he wished he could talk to Chloe himself. They still had that kiss to discuss… Clark didn't know what to do about that. He liked Chloe a lot. Not in the same way he had liked Lana, but in a way that felt a lot… easier. Maybe dating Chloe would be like dating Alicia, only without the bad psycho stalker part. But it'd be weird to talk to her about this while he was still in Lex's body.
"You look like hell," Lex said, apropos of nothing.
"I feel like it," Clark muttered. "Do you - do I need to stay at the mansion?"
Clark supposed he had to stay at the mansion for appearance' sake, but he wanted nothing more than to go home, see his Mom, have dinner and fall asleep in his own bed. He needed to help her clean up the barn, too…
"Go home, Clark," Lex said, sounding just as tired. "The staff isn't back yet anyway. I'll do what work I can do from my laptop and come by in the morning. Take one of my cars, you know where the keys are."
Clark almost nodded and went, but then hesitated. "You could take the laptop and come, too."
Lex gave him an odd, inscrutable look, and Clark knew he was going to decline, coolly polite and distanced. They weren't that far yet in their tentative truce. But Mom would disapprove, and Clark preferred to have Lex close, too. He had the feeling that a night alone in the mansion would only serve to make Lex reconsider his choices, and Clark liked the choices Lex had made today.
"We could need a hand with the tough jobs," he offered, and then remembered an old trick. "And my Mom probably wants to feed me - all parts of me."
*
Martha Kent didn't seem to be surprised to see both of them walking into her kitchen. She looked exhausted, with splinters of wood stuck in her auburn hair and her clothes smudged with dust - all farmwife and no senator. Lex had never really envied her the job, once he had lost it to her. It was hard to envy Martha Kent anything. She was the one Kent Lex could never find fault in. She looked at the two of them, just one, questioning glance, then asked, "You haven't found a way to reverse this yet?"
Clark shook his head, slumping down at the table without much grace. Lex felt a sudden urge to lecture him on keeping up one's appearances. Even when he had gone through his own slouching phase, he had slouched artfully. Strangely enough, the lack of posture had never bothered him with Clark before, not while Clark was himself.
"We tried the Fortress, but it's dead," Clark told his mother. "Jor-El won't talk to me."
She sighed, then gave them a tired but reassuring smile. "We'll figure this out somehow."
"I'd like to apologize for the damage I caused," Lex told her. He had seen the barn, and part of the wreckage came from the fight he and Clark had had there. Apologizing to Clark wasn't an option yet, because Clark himself had made no move to apologize and Lex wasn't going to make it seem as if everything was his fault, but he felt he owed Martha Kent the same kind of apology he owed the people of Metropolis.
Martha waved it away. "I'm glad you got it out of your systems. You know about Clark now, and as Jonathan would have said, that makes you a part of this family. Families argue. The important thing is that they make up afterwards."
Lex doubted that Mr Kent would ever have said that to him, but he appreciated the words nonetheless. They caused a strange sensation in his belly, half shiver, half warmth, and Lex wondered if it was alien in nature, or merely unfamiliar.
"I also need to apologize for some of the things I did last year. I employed methods in the electoral campaign that were far from fair, but you need to know that you have my deepest respect as a senator, Mrs Kent - "
She shook her head with a small exasperated laugh. "Excessive guilt seems to be hotwired into that body," she said with an affectionate glance at her son. "We all had a hard day, Lex. A hard year. Let's just hope it's over now. If you still feel bad, you can give me a hand in the barn - after dinner."
Humbled by the knowledge that she probably had no idea what she was forgiving, Lex took a seat at the table as well.
Clark went to call Chloe while Mrs Kent made them sandwiches and told Lex what she knew about the damage caused in Kansas and the rest of the States. She was well-informed and Lex could only wonder how busy her day had been, as a mother and a senator, stretched between all kinds of responsibilities. Still, she refused any help with the food or any further attempts at apologizing.
When Clark returned, he was rubbing his temples. "Wow, Chloe was kinda hard to convince it was really me," he huffed, dropping the phone on the table. "I think she believes me now, though."
Lex had had dinner with the Kents before, but tonight it felt very different. The conversation was quieter, but far more relaxed. Maybe there had been a deeper truth in Martha's words, and you really needed to know Clark's secret to be part of the family, but maybe it was also something about how Martha treated the two of them - as adults, equally respected and held responsible for their actions, not children to be guided and protected with a firm hand, the way Jonathan Kent had always acted. Lex wondered if it was her husband's death that had brought the difference, or if it was her way of letting Clark grow up.
"I was thinking about how we should handle the disaster relief in Metropolis," he said after listening to the two of them for a while. "Clark and I want to undo as much of the damage we caused as possible, and I think we could maximize our success if we had you to handle the political angle, Mrs Kent."
She gave him a surprised, somewhat puzzled look. "That is a wonderful idea, Lex. What makes you think I wouldn't want to help?"
"You would be working with Luthor money."
"We would be using it for a good cause," she replied. "I see no harm in that."
Clark didn't object, and the lack of resistance threw Lex off his course. He nodded, and finished his food quietly, deep in thought. Today the world was different, shaken in its angles, interrupted in its usual flow. It was a time to reconsider, a time to remember the important things, a time to remember what you had to lose.
A time to make things grow out of the ashes of the past.
*
Some time later, Clark sat by the table with a dazed and drowsy expression, looking impossibly rumpled for someone wearing designer clothes. Lex on the other hand felt only mental exhaustion, but physically, he was fit and energetic as ever.
"Does your body tire at all?"
"I haven't yet found anything to wear me out," Clark shrugged indifferently. "Asides from being human."
"And meteor rocks," Lex said and startled when Clark snapped to attention all of a sudden, staring at him with wide blue eyes. Aha, he thought, so Clark isn't entirely incapable of thinking in tactical terms.
"How do you know about the meteor rocks?"
"Lana said the aliens from the ship could be hurt by the rocks. And Fine confirmed it. And in hindsight - I had all the evidence to see that you can be hurt by them as well. That's what accounts for all the times you were mysteriously weakened, isn't it?"
"Not all," Clark admitted. He still looked spooked. It was surprisingly disappointing to see the distrust so starkly written on his face, and Lex decided that he needed some time away from Clark.
"I'll go to Metropolis," he said, getting up from the table before this could devolve into another pointless argument.
"To do what?"
"Save people. Rescue children out of collapsed buildings. Extinguish fires. Help kittens from trees," he replied off-hand, feeling twenty years old and bratty. Lex hadn't realized before that somewhere along the way, he had stopped being young. He couldn't tell if he missed it, but it held a certain… freedom to behave foolishly that was exhilarating. Lex headed for the door and fully expected Clark to protest, or lash out in anger, but all he got was a soft call that dampened his temper.
"Remember to be careful," Clark said.
*
Of all the revelations of this endless day, maybe the night spent in Metropolis was the strangest. The chaos and destruction of the city was as frightening as it had been the first time. Lex fully expected another breakdown when he opened his senses to the city once again, but this time it was subtly different, still maddening, but not quite as terrifying. He had purpose, and with each person he pulled out of the rubble, each little catastrophe averted, this purpose grew, together with the knowledge that he could change things, make a difference, do good without causing destruction. He had to make choices, but Lex found the kind of choices someone with Clark's powers had to make infinitely more easy to make than having to decide whether the ends justified the means.
But there was no room for envy in the hectic pace Lex set himself. No room for gratitude from the people he saved, no room for pride. All he could do was hurry, hurry, at an inhuman pace and still too slow to save everyone. At first Lex counted, but then even counting became a waste of time in the rush of action. It wasn't just Metropolis, either. He could be in Kansas city, in Topeka, in Gotham, within the space of seconds, and everywhere there was need.
By the time the cover of night lifted from the sky, Lex's hands were black with soot and dried blood, but it felt as if he had washed them clean in the clearest of waters.
For every person Lex had killed, for every person he had hurt and ruined in the course of his life, there was now one who lived just because of him.
*
Martha gasped when she saw him walking into the house. It was barely five, and Lex was surprised to see her up already. Clark was nowhere around and probably still asleep.
"It's alright, Mrs Kent," he assuaged her, "it's just dirt."
"You were out there all night?" she asked. He nodded, taking off Clark's sneakers at the door. They were in tatters, and Lex decided to look into a more stable material for shoe-soles at the first opportunity. The only clothes he had ever worn until he wore them out were those that he had had with him on the island… strange, he had never been able to think of the island without a small pang of dread, without needing a glass of scotch. Now it seemed very far away.
"Will we see you on the news?" Martha asked, half joke, half apprehension.
"I doubt anyone saw me long enough to give anything like an accurate description. I was as careful as possible under the circumstances."
She considered him for a moment, then nodded, apparently satisfied. "I wish I wasn't so over-protective," she admitted, "but we had so much to worry about when Clark was a boy… I guess some fears just become instincts. But I'm always proud of Clark, and the same goes for you, Lex. As much as I'd like to think better of people, most men wouldn't use Clark's powers the way you do now."
Lex shook his head, refusing the compliment. "I've grown up with the temptations of power, Mrs Kent."
She smiled, as if she knew a secret but wasn't going to tell. "Go take a shower, Lex. Breakfast will be done soon."
A polite declination was on the tip of Lex's tongue, he didn't normally take anything but coffee for breakfast, but his body reacted to the thought of food like Pavlov's dog. Right, he was Clark, and Clark could always eat. Bemused, Lex wandered up the stairs. It gave him the opportunity to get reacquainted with the Kents' house. The place looked much the same, the pictures on the walls hadn't changed except for the few more of Jonathan that had been added, but some things were different, too, having been rebuilt after the second meteor shower. The bathroom looked newer than Lex remembered it from his stay at the Kent farm four years ago during the affair with Lucas.
His eyes fell on the mirror, and he froze. For the first time he saw himself, and yet not himself. Clark's face, handsome and familiar as ever even under all the grime, stared back at him, and Lex couldn't really see himself underneath. It sent a prickle of discomfort down his spine.
How much could he really be himself while in another body? The whole idea of transplanting a mind into another body made no sense from a scientific point of view, much less a human mind into an alien body. How much of him had been rewired? How much could he trust his perception of self? What was even left of him that was purely Lex Luthor and not some alien part grafted onto him by drugs and viruses and all kinds of people messing with his mind and his body? Fear reared its head, ugly and fierce, and Lex had to force himself not to scream.
He had never before wanted so much to be himself and never before been so uncertain of who he was. And there was no way of being certain. He was subject to change, his self an ephemeral, vulnerable thing, and his memory of who he had been was no more to be trusted than his perception of who he was now. He remembered, dimly, a sense of utter certainty that he had once possessed, an innate knowledge of who he was supposed to be, who he would become one day. It seemed laughably far away now, and barely comprehensible.
The moment was interrupted by the door opening and Clark shuffling in with a huge yawn. He looked still somewhat dazed and startled to see Lex. "Lex? What are you doing?"
Lex blinked, then turned away from the mirror. The sense of vertigo was gone. "Having a moment of existential angst."
Clark gave him a look of sleepy amusement. "Never too early for that, huh?"
It was a strangely companionable moment, in the small bathroom with the curtained windows and the dust motes dancing in the early morning light, everything shifting and new, unfamiliar and yet promising. For a second, Lex felt at peace, and able to forgive and forget all the personal sleights and injuries between them. Not enough to let it go, just enough to live with it.
"I'll have to borrow some more of your clothes."
"Serve yourself," Clark mumbled, turning on the water in the sink to wash his face.
*
By the time Lex returned to the bathroom, Clark had vacated it and the sounds of breakfast being prepared drifted up the staircase. It smelled of bacon and eggs, and for once, the smell wasn't making Lex nauseous.
He avoided the mirror this time, and undressed like one would undress a sick person, never letting his touch linger longer than was absolutely necessary.
Clark's body was still a model of physical perfection, and entirely human in all aspects. Regarding it with clinical interest helped - if Lex imagined it under a microscope, he didn't have to imagine it in the bedroom. But when he let warm water run down his back and felt the grime being washed away, when he rubbed shampoo into his hair and let the silky strands slide through his fingers, marvelling at the feel of a scalp with hair, Lex felt a sense of reverence, of wonder, as he hadn't felt it since the first time he laid eyes on this body.
He towelled and dressed at superspeed, knowing that he had already lingered too long, and made it down to the kitchen just in time to see Mrs Kent put a plate of pancakes on the table between the bacon and the scrambled eggs.
"I've got to hurry, boys, " she said, taking a sip from her coffee. "There's an emergency meeting at eleven I need to attend. What are your plans for today?"
"I don't think we can postpone a meeting with the LuthorCorp board much longer."
"In person?" Clark looked and sounded panicked.
"Either that, or we give over the reins to my Dad, which I would prefer not to do," Lex replied.
He watched Clark glance down at his full but untouched plate, his jaws working with something like worry. Clark had dressed himself in a too big T-shirt and an old pair of jeans, and didn't look ready for a board meeting at all. Lex wondered if it was possible for him to dress up and accompany Clark as his assistant. Aside from Lionel, no one would probably notice the charade.
"I just have to sign stuff, right?" Clark muttered.
"Mostly." Whatever had worried Clark wasn't gone, but Lex waited until Martha Kent had hurried out of the kitchen to get ready for work before he asked warily, "What's the problem?"
Clark toyed with his fork. "Your Dad. I have a bad feeling. When I met him yesterday, he was… different."
Lex raised his brows, filling his plate with food. He felt downright greedy this morning. "I can't say I've ever had a good feeling when it came to my Dad, so you'd have to be more specific."
"I thought he had changed," Clark replied, pushing away his own plate to focus on the orange juice. "While he had the connection to Jor-El, it felt as if I could trust him. But yesterday he gave me a look… maybe it's just because I'm in your body."
"Sadly, I doubt that he'll treat me any different than usual because I'm in your body. Frankly, I have a hard time buying my Dad's reformed act. If you think it was caused by his connection to your biological father, then we most likely have to assume that he's back to his old ways."
"He knows my secret!" Clark protested.
Lex nodded, feeling a grim resolve settling into him. "He's less powerful than he used to be, Clark. He'll try to find weaknesses wherever he can, and most likely he'll think he can exploit our situation somehow, but I'll make it clear to him that - ," your family is under my protection, Lex wanted to say, but back-pedalled in the last moment, "I'm fully in control, even if I'm not in my own body."
It was all about appearances.
TBC
Anyways, this is the first part of norwich36's prompt: bodyswitching. Because there can never be enough stories where Clark and Lex find out about each other from the inside.
I declare bodyswitching the hardest cliché ever! Seriously, guys, I wrote about 5 different approaches to this topic. At one point, I had Lex, Clark, Lana and Chloe switch bodies and the fic was actually going somewhere until Clark and Lex decided to just behave like dicks and hate each other very much, while Lana and Chloe decided to take over the world as Clark Kent and Lex Luthor and I backed away slowly when I realized that I was attempting to write bodyswitch/genderswitch/m-preg.
So I returned to my very first attempt at this genre.
It's set during and after "Zod". This is really the last episode where Clark and Lex's relationship feels salvagable to me. The Lana mess hasn't progressed very far, and Lex hasn't yet done all the terrible stuff he did in S6. Clark even expresses regret that he can't talk to him anymore in the episode, and he spares Lex's life at a great risk to anyone else - something I'm not sure he'd do right now.
Title: From The Ruins (1/2)
Rating: PG
Words: 9156
Warnings: Spoilers for Vessel/Zod, unbetaed
Summary: Pulling Zod out of Lex's body doesn't work quite as expected.
Needles. Stinging him in the back of his neck and on his scalp, and behind his ears and everywhere. Sunlight, like needles to the brain when he opened his eyes.
Clark blinked. It didn't go away. His head hurt, on the inside and the outside. His mouth tasted odd. His hand hurt like someone had dripped molten kryptonite on it.
He didn't want to move. Ever.
"I can crush rocks with my bare hands," Clark said.
He didn't, of course, say that. There was absolutely no reason to say that. Clark had been able to crush rocks as long as he could think and it wasn't all that exciting.
But he heard himself say that.
"And judging from the fact that you're groaning and squirming, whereas I feel better than I have in a long time, I think that it's a good bet to say that your powers have worn off," Clark heard himself go on in tone that sounded as if it couldn't decide whether to be gloating or bemused.
He cracked his eyes open again, or at least tried to. This wasn't good. The needles rustled against his scalp, and Clark realized two things at once: the needles were actually dry grass, and his head was bald.
"I'd say I win," Clark's voice went on, coming somewhere from above him.
Clark squinted at the looming shadow. Features took on shape, and he was looking up at himself, shredded blue shirt and dusty hair and all.
If Clark hadn't switched bodies before, he might have needed a little longer to get it, but this was really pretty obvious. If he was bald, and his body babbling about powers, then Clark was in Lex body, and the guy in Clark's body wasn't Zod.
So. Lex wasn't dead. And Zod wasn't around anymore. That was… good.
Clark had saved the world, and he hadn't killed Lex. It was almost more than Clark felt he deserved.
"Lex?" Clark croaked, and winced immediately when Lex's voice came out of his mouth. Lex's mouth, technically. He sounded like shit. He agreed with Lex's theory that the powers Fine had given Lex were gone.
"In your body," Lex confirmed. His tone was light, but with a dangerous, unbalanced edge. Manic, Clark believed it was also called.
Clark raised his hand, which hurt his muscles in places where they shouldn't hurt and looked at his palm. Only faint traces of the crystal crest were left. The last thing Clark remembered were his and Zod's hands both wrapped around the crest and then a flash of darkness, like the opposite of lightning.
"Zod?" he asked, just to be sure.
Lex raised his - Clark's - brows. "You're not making sense."
Right. Lex was the king of memory loss, so maybe he didn't remember the whole Zod mess. Which could be kind of good… only Lex had already found out about being able to crush stones and Lex wasn't stupid. "What do you remember?"
"Enough to know you wanted to kill me," Lex replied, and for the first time, Clark forgot Zod and focused entirely on now. Lex had powers and he hadn't. And Lex was really angry. "You held a dagger to my throat."
Clark gulped. He wished he could sit up and move away from Lex, but his muscles didn't go along with that. Being human sounded a lot better when you were an invulnerable alien.
"Do you remember any of what happened after that?" Clark soldiered on bravely. He'd defeated an evil megalomaniac alien monster, he could deal with Lex. Maybe.
Lex frowned, and Clark had the opportunity to see his own face in deep thought. It was weird. He looked like he had a stomach ache.
"Milton Fine was in the barn," Lex realized slowly, as if he had to drag the memories out by their hair. "You threw the dagger at him. Why?"
"He wanted me to kill you," Clark confessed. It made sense to him, he had thought he was being clever then, killing Fine instead of Lex. It turned out to be exactly the thing Fine wanted. But how could Clark have known? Jor-El gave him the dagger.
Lex ran a hand through Clark's hair, slowly, as if feeling for imperfections. His expression had grown distant.
"You're an alien."
Clark said nothing. There wasn't anything to say. He wasn't breathing either, because he had forgotten how. Lex had seen him using his powers and talking to Fine. Lex was inside Clark's body.
Every lie Clark had ever told him had been pointless. In the end, Lex had found out.
After a while, a tentative bird started to sing and rustle in the underbrush close to them. The sun beat down on Clark's face. It was getting hot in Zod's leather coat. His body still ached and his heart felt dry and dead, like the grass.
He didn't regret not killing Lex. He should, because a lot of people had died because Clark hesitated. But he couldn't regret sparing Lex.
He didn't regret lying to Lex, because it had been necessary.
He did regret not telling Lex the truth.
"No objections?" Lex asked. He sounded suspicious.
Clark shook his head, letting the grass needles sting him.
Lex held up his hands and studied them. Clark's hands. He must have seen and felt them a thousand times. Clark had to tell him to be careful with them. They could break more than stones.
God, this was Lex. Lex wasn't Zod, but he had killed. He had tortured Arthur and Victor. Maybe Lex wouldn't even care about breaking things. Maybe Clark hadn't saved the world.
Lex lowered his hands and turned his frown on Clark. His features smoothed and became completely blank, unreadable to Clark even though they were his own. "How did I end up in your body?"
Clark tried to come up with a better excuse than 'I don't know', but then he realized that there wasn't much point in lying about this. From what Clark had seen of Metropolis, Zod would be all over the news as soon as there were news again.
"It's a bit complicated," Clark said, wishing for something to drink and his own, pain-free body. Not necessarily in that order.
Lex didn't blink. It was more like absence of a blink, so noticeable that it was clear that a lesser man would have blinked. "Try me."
Clark did. He told Lex the story. It was surprisingly easy, when he just ignored who he was talking to. He'd become used to telling people, after Pete and Chloe. He started with explaining why Zod needed a body and from there got to a lot of other things, each a little easier to confess than the last.
"I need to see," Lex said, as soon as Clark was finished.
"See what?" Clark asked, but Lex was already was gone in a rustle of dry grass, leaving Clark alone on the empty field.
*
Lex stood on the roof of LuthorCorp tower. He had been standing there for some time, precariously close to the edge.
The wind that whipped his face smelled acrid, of half-extinguished fires and smoke. The sky was hidden behind an infernal curtain of dust. But Lex had his eyes closed.
He listened. From horizon to horizon, the world was filled with noise. It was closing in on him, like a mob, like a screaming murder of crows.
Waking in Clark's body had felt like waking from the dead. Like filling his lungs with breath for the very first time, like drinking pure sunlight. Exactly what Clark's body should feel like. And then, running to Metropolis - running had been terrifying in his own body when he had had powers, like driving without brakes, but in Clark's body, Lex was absolutely certain that he was the strongest, fastest, most alive being in the universe, and nothing could kill him.
But now those invulnerable legs were trembling, and bit by bit, giving in. Every wail, every sob, every breath the wounded city took forced him to his knees.
With a last, harsh breath Lex clamped his hands over his ears and curled in on himself. He wouldn't scream. He wouldn't.
*
It took Clark a while to get up and manage to stay up, but he was feeling better already. He shucked the stupid leather duster, felt in the grass for the crystal Raya had given him, and when he found it, slipped it into his pocket and started to walk into the direction of the farm.
It was the longest walk of his life.
Being in Lex's body was nothing like being human had been a year ago when Jor-El had taken his powers. Then, every step had felt like treading on air, like he had been dead wood and been turned into living flesh. Now, each step was a battle against gravity. He had a raging headache, too.
Finally, the farm came into view. The barn looked bad - how would they repair it without Clark's powers? At least his Mom would probably believe Clark when he told her it was him and not Zod in Lex's body, but what about everyone else? What about the people who had seen Zod? What if there were security cameras, or other evidence that indicated Lex?
And where the hell had Lex gone?
By the time Clark shuffled up to the kitchen door, he wanted nothing more than to explain fast so he could get something to eat and drink. He didn't bother knocking and just went in.
Lionel was pacing the living room, talking on his cell phone, and his Mom was tidying up the kitchen. She dropped the pan she had been holding with a gasp when she saw him and Lionel turned around, lowering the phone like someone would lower a gun.
Clark raised his hands, palms out. "Mom, it's me, Clark."
They both gaped at him for a moment, then she raised her hand to her mouth, stifling a strangled noise.
"Clark?" Lionel asked, and took a step closer. The open, trust-worthy expression Clark had come to expect on the older Luthor's face was gone, replaced by something sharper, harder, a look that Clark didn't like at all. It was the look Lionel had for Lex, sometimes, when Lex did something unexpected.
"What happened to you?" his Mom asked, pushing forward and looking him up and down as if she could somehow find him beneath Lex's skin.
"Zod is defeated," Clark explained. "I used a crystal I got in the Phantom Zone. It pulled Zod out of Lex's body… and then Lex and I sorta switched."
"Lex?" Lionel said, and his expression grew even sharper. It was greed, Clark realized. Clark gave him a frown. From the shock on Lionel's face when he told him he had to kill Lex, Clark would have expected a different reaction to the news that Lex was alive.
"He's in my body now." He saw his Mom's eyes widen in concern. "I don't know where he went."
Or what he was doing. What was the worst Lex could do in Clark's body? Kill, of course, but why should Lex kill randomly? Lex had no reason to walk around murdering and pillaging and robbing banks. That wasn't the kind of bad thing Lex did. Actually, the only thing Clark really worried about was that Lex wouldn't come back, that he would just take Clark's body and leave. Lex had said he wanted Clark's life…
"Does he remember - ?" Martha started.
"Not everything." Since no one offered him anything, Clark moved towards the sink to get a glass of water. His Mom noticed and ushered him to the table.
"Sit, sweetie. Are you feeling alright?"
"The powers Lex had are gone. I don't have any. But it's alright, I'm not hurt. Did you hear anything from Lana or Chloe?"
"Lana and Lois are at the hospital," Martha said and put a plate with some sandwiches next to the pitcher of lemonade on the table. "I haven't heard anything from Chloe, though."
Clark asked about Lois and the plane crash, but out of the corner of his eye he watched Lionel. He hadn't seen him interact with Lex for some time, and hadn't thought much about whether Lionel had reformed when it came to his son.
"The crystal you used," Lionel asked after some time, "I assume it was similar to the one that caused us to switch bodies two years ago?"
Caused them to switch body. More like used by Lionel to steal Clark's body, Clark thought angrily.
"I don't know," he said, unwilling to explain. He would go to the Fortress with the crystal once he had taken care of other stuff. Hopefully Jor-El would recognize him in Lex's body. Maybe he could do something to reverse the change. "It's gone."
"Hmm," Lionel said, rubbing his beard, and Clark had the feeling he didn't believe it.
"I'll go put on some different clothes," he excused himself after a moment and got up.
"I need to head to Metropolis, Martha," Lionel said immediately, following the move. "If you don't need my help anymore - ?"
"Oh, no, please go. I'll manage on my own. Just call us if there's any news about… if there's news," Clark heard her say as he quickly headed outside, for the barn. He had clothes up in his room, but in the barn was where he kept his important stuff.
The place was wrecked, but the stairs to the loft looked stable enough to take the risk and climb up. The shelves had fallen over, and the wooden floor was strewn with books and other stuff. At least the damage wasn't as bad as it had been in the second meteor shower. Clark made his way through the mess to look for his leaden box with kryptonite.
He nearly yelped when he noticed that he wasn't alone.
On the floor, with his back to the back of the couch, sat Lex. He looked as if he were trying to minimize the space Clark's body took up by having his arms wrapped around his knees and his head resting on them. Now he lifted his head, and, wow, he looked bad. Exhaustion didn't show much on Clark's face, but somehow Lex had managed it. He was soot-smeared, his hair dusty and tousled worse than usually, and Clark could honestly say that he had never seen Lex wearing clothes this dishevelled. Clark's blue T-shirt was still shredded, and Lex had lost the red jacket, it seemed.
"I went to Metropolis," Lex said, in a tone that suggested 'I went to hell and back.'
"Oh," was all Clark could think of.
"I don't know how many people died. I nearly destroyed the city. I nearly killed Lana. My Dad. You."
Lex didn't exactly sound guilty, but Clark took the shell-shocked tone to mean that Lex wasn't proud of it, either.
"You didn't. Zod did."
"If I hadn't given Fine the opportunity to infect me with the virus, none of this would have happened," Lex objected, switching suddenly from blank to fierce.
Clark went to kneel down next to him. Lex's volatile temper was making him wary, but he had dealt with an irrational Lex before. It was vastly preferable to cold and inscrutable Lex. "And if I hadn't tried to kill Fine, it wouldn't have happened either."
"It's both our fault," Lex agreed, suddenly fatally calm again.
Clark blinked, looking at him in confusion. He felt something he hadn't felt in a long time, the connection with Lex that used to be there, that had made it seem as if there were things only the two of them understood. Big, important things.
It was their fault. Anyone else would have told Clark not to worry, not to blame himself.
"I guess it wouldn't have happened if we hadn't lied to each other so much," Clark sighed.
"I'm surprised you told me the truth," Lex said after a moment, softly, almost in a whisper. "I didn't think you ever would. I even stopped gathering evidence."
Clark looked away. Now that they talked civilly to each other, it hurt all the more to know that their friendship was gone. "It's too late now."
He had hoped Lex would object, would at least answer, but there came nothing for a long time. Clark was almost ready to say the one last thing that was left to say, the apology that wouldn't change anything, when Lex asked,
"Will you help me rebuild the city?"
Clark gave Lex a startled glance, trying to see if this was a peace offering or a trick question or something else, but wearing Clark's face made Lex no more easy to read.
Rebuild the city. No one but Lex would ever suggest something like that, like the city was a toy smashed in a childish rage or an accident, like it was their responsibility to rebuild it, like it was the most normal thing in the world and yet infinitely meaningful. But it was their responsibility, and Clark wanted nothing more than to say yes, glad that Lex understood, that he didn't have to convince him or argue with him. He wanted so much to be able to talk to someone who understood about power and responsibility and Lex was the only one who ever had…
"What about this?" Clark moved his hand between them vaguely, but Lex understood that, too. He brushed the hair out of his face, the intensity about him lowering to normal levels as he gathered his thoughts.
"Do you still have the crystal that did this?"
Clark did hesitate. Years of secrecy didn't just go away. But he knew that Lex was watching him, probably counting the seconds before Clark answered. Clark slipped it out of his pocket and showed it to him.
"So," Lex said, lips quirking into a rusty, twisted smile. "You lied to my Dad. In case we don't manage to reverse this, that's a promising sign."
*
They didn't manage to reverse it, and Lex was momentarily distracted from the general misery of the situation by the fact that Clark did not in the least know how his alien technology worked. How could Clark not know that? Clark even admitted that he could have learned how to use it. It made Lex irrationally angry, which wasn't helping his attempt to get his emotions back under control.
In any case, all Clark had to contribute to the process was, "We touch it, and then we sorta think about switching."
Not surprisingly, nothing happened with that kind of approach to the problem.
Lex wasn't too sure about very many things right now. He'd made decisions this last year, hard and painful ones, against his instincts and ambitions. He'd chosen goals that seemed attainable over those that were truly desirable. He'd chosen Lana over the chance of reconciling with Clark. He'd chosen power over winning by better, fairer means. He'd given up on being a good and a great man in favour of being safe and happy. It might have worked, it might not have worked, but now his life had been interrupted, had been thrown into darkness and chaos like the city and Lex had the opportunity to reconsider.
The truth was out between him and Clark. From the moment Lex had suspected that there was a truth to be known, he'd been sure that it would make all the difference in the world if Clark told him willingly or not. He hadn't. Lex had no delusions that Clark would have lied today as he always had if there had been any chance of Lex believing his lies, now that he was in Clark's body and could firsthand experience the truth.
But Clark had lied to him before even when it had been obvious. And this time he hadn't lied, hadn't insulted Lex's intellect with his awkward excuses.
And aside from the truth, which was a two-edged sword, since Lex had accumulated secrets of his own over the years, Clark had saved Lex's life.
Clark had saved Lex's life so many times that it had become meaningless, a habit almost, but this time felt as important as the first - maybe more. Clark had spared Lex.
Lex was sure that no one else in the world would have. His own father would have easily killed him. Lana would have done it - according to Clark, she had tried it and nearly succeeded. And Lex couldn't blame her. He would have killed himself to stop Zod, now that he had seen what Zod had done to Metropolis.
It meant something. Clark hadn't spared Lex out of weakness. He had killed meteor mutants before when necessary. Something in him had wanted Lex to live. Had found him worthy - worth the risk.
For a horrible second, Lex hated Clark for being that… good. He didn't want to be grateful. He didn't want to acknowledge that this time, Clark had been the better man.
And at the same time, he felt the need to live up to Clark's show of confidence.
Lex thought he had long given up on trying to be worthy of Clark Kent's ridiculously hypocritical standards. Not so much apparently. Maybe his Dad had warped him so much that Lex needed a bar raised impossibly high in his life.
And right now, Lex had a body made to jump impossibly high.
Clark handed Lex a fresh T-shirt and a pair of his jeans to replace the ruined clothes Lex still wore. The cotton smelled of detergent and hay, the kind of smell Lex had learned to savour like a forbidden pleasure.
"You need to talk to my lawyers as soon as possible to do damage control," Lex said absentmindedly. This was the kind of thing he could talk about in his sleep. "No court will convict me for this - the authorities will most likely refuse to accept the existence of alien life and if Zod is on any security footage, he'll be doing impossible things. You'll be fine, just let the lawyers do their work."
He peeled off the shredded blue shirt and Clark didn't turn away, even when Lex glanced at him expectantly. Probably Clark had decided that Lex didn't need privacy to undress in Clark's body.
Undressing Clark's body. Lex tried not to look or think too hard about it, but he couldn't help feeling. Soft skin, a dusting of coarse hair here and there, a vibrant warmth in every fibre. Grime and dried sweat still on his skin, Clark's body was far from clean even under the fresh shirt, but it only added to the strange sensuality, making it more real, less Lex's own body.
He paused with his hands on the button on Clark's jeans, but didn't look at Clark, who still hadn't turned away. It was downright rude now, or something else entirely. Maybe Clark was watching because he didn't trust Lex with his body.
Lex was glad for Clark's bangs as he felt his cheeks heat. He didn't trust himself with Clark's body, he never had. God, how many times had he thought he was over this and yet he never was. Head bowed, he fumbled with the button.
There was a loud pop and the button was stuck in a wooden beam some metres away, lodged as firmly as a bullet.
"You need to be careful," Clark said without even so much as a blink as Lex was still staring at the button. He turned around, startled by the serious tone.
"You have to be in control, all the time," Clark went on, and how ridiculous was it to tell Lex this, only, it wasn't. Lex had always thought no one could be more in control than a Luthor, but Clark… Clark had to be in control on a wholly different level. It was a surprise Lex hadn't broken anything yet.
"You only need to let your attention slip for one second, and someone could get hurt." Clark's stern expression was a perfect echo of the late Jonathan Kent.
"I could kill someone," Lex said, remembering how he'd thrown his father across the field. He'd only intended to push him away… distressed, he pulled at the hem of Clark's slipping jeans. "How do you do it?"
Clark deflated a little. "I try very hard. I never let down my guard. And I was reminded of it lots and lots by my parents when I was a kid."
Clark should be able to move with the grace and control of a martial arts master, Lex thought, if he practised that much constant self-discipline. How much of the awkwardness was really just for show?
But Lex had had his own lessons as a child. He doubted that Jonathan Kent had been a sterner teacher than Lionel. If he could control his emotions, then he could control this body.
"I'll manage."
Clark looked him up and down, then nodded, surprisingly quick in his approval. "I guess you've got a better chance than most people," Clark agreed. "Still, be careful."
*
Clark tested Lex's self-assessment by telling him to take them to the mansion.
"This way you can break your own arms before you try anyone else's," he joked uneasily, but then he was silent as Lex's expression shuttered completely and he moved in to seize Clark around the waist. Lex's body was slim, but not that much shorter than Clark's, and it was an awkward hold that forced Clark to wrap his arms around Lex's neck. So close, flush against each other, with only thin fabric between them, Clark was seized by an odd disorientation, an out of body feeling, as if he were at once in his own body and Lex's body, as if they shared one body, one continuous being, one body with two minds. He barely noticed the rush of air or the motion as Lex ran them to the mansion.
When Lex set him down, Clark lingered, unsure how to move, almost unable to do so. Lex had a strangely raw expression on his face when he finally made the step away, leaving Clark behind with the feeling of being stretched impossibly thin.
"We need to dress you in something else and destroy Zod's clothes before you meet my lawyers," Lex said, turning away rather quickly. He'd run them straight to his own room and swiftly gave Clark some his own clothes that he pulled out of a closet. He didn't look on as Clark undressed and dressed.
Clark threw Zod's clothes onto a small pile on the marble floor of the adjoining bathroom when he was done.
"Try looking at them really hard," he told Lex, who ambled over to look at them with a bemused expression on his face.
"Looking - ?" Lex began, then startled. "Clark? Am I supposed to see my plumbing?"
"What? No. That's x-ray vision. Try to make it normal again."
Lex sounded irritated. "How?"
"Just do it. It's like using a telescope - or a microscope or something. Got it?"
"No. I'm seeing… that's… you have microscopic vision? How small can you go?"
"You've seen those images of individual atoms? Like on the internet?"
"I'm seeing the originals, I think." Lex sounded faintly breathless.
"Smaller than that. But don't try it, you'll get a headache. Go back to normal."
It took some squinting and staring, but finally Lex blinked a couple of times and relaxed. He turned to Clark. "Alright, fascinating as that was, what was the point?"
"Actually I wanted you to use heat vision. I can incinerate things by looking at them. It's important that you learn to control that power quickly, it's really dangerous."
"I can imagine. By incinerate you mean - ?"
"Really darn hot. I can melt metal."
Lex raised his brows then turned back to the clothes. "Any special trick?"
Clark cleared his throat. He was glad Lex never blushed, hopefully it was a physical thing and he was safe in Lex's body. "Um, you could think of… uh… hot things?" That sounded possibly even more idiotic in Lex's usually smooth voice than his own.
"Hot as in oven?" Lex inquired, his tone suspicious.
"Uh, look, maybe you should try getting angry?"
Lex made a low sound, almost a chuckle, then stilled. Clark watched him frown in concentration. Lex's look became distant, making Clark's eyes seem a cold green, almost like the other Kryptonians' eyes, and then his mouth set in a thin line.
The clothes vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving only a small cloud of dust. Clark was impressed. Lex straightened, his eyes squeezed shut, and then, after a moment, relaxed with a small exhale of breath. When he looked at Clark, his eyes were a clear hazel once again, open and almost… serene.
"That was strangely cathartic," Lex said.
*
They went to the den next, cleaning up quickly all evidence of Zod's presence until they stumbled on the broken parts of another piece of Kryptonian technology. Lex seemed mesmerized by the charred piece, squinting at it from all angles until Clark got impatient.
"Your vision is incredibly useful," Lex said, waving his complaints away. "Is all your technology based on crystalline structures?"
"I don't know. Didn't you want me to talk to your lawyers?"
Clark regretted suggesting that very soon. Lex gave him some quick instructions how to handle the conversation, then got him on a phone with the loud speaker on, settling opposite Clark with a piece of paper and a pen. The moment it came to business, Lex clearly believed he was the one in charge. He wrote down answers for Clark faster than the sharp-voiced lady on the other end could finish her sentences, and Clark read them out, feeling incredibly stupid. Finally Lex signalled him to end the conversation.
"This isn't working," Clark complained. "I can't pretend I'm you."
"It's not as hard as it looks. You don't have to make any decisions. People will try to anticipate your wishes as much as possible, just let them do their jobs."
"We need to find a way to reverse this," Clark insisted. "We're going to the Fortress."
*
They were both quiet and subdued when they returned from the Fortress to the caves. Jor-El didn't speak to Clark anymore. The once clear crystals had turned a sickly, foreboding shade of red, as if the architecture were slowly bleeding to death. They had no more answers than before, and much less hope at figuring this puzzle out.
Jor-El was gone, Jonathan was gone, and Clark found himself ridiculously glad that at least he could talk to Lex again. They hadn't yet said a word about the state of their friendship, but at least they weren't yelling and trying to kill each other. The secret that had lurked like a huge monster in every room with them for years was now out in the open, and apparently not quite as monstrous as Clark had feared. Compared to Lana, Lex was definitely handling the truth better so far.
"We should visit Lana, shouldn't we?" Clark asked as they stepped out into the summer evening. He dreaded that conversation with Lana, because the last time they had talked, she had said horrible things…
"I assume you'll want to continue to lie to her," Lex said flatly.
Clark met his eyes defensively. "My secret is dangerous."
"It's no longer just your secret," Lex pointed out. "And not knowing might be as dangerous for Lana as knowing. It certainly was for me."
It was unfair somehow that Lex still managed to make Clark feel guilty.
"She can't handle it, Lex. She already told me she didn't know how she could ever love me - do you think that'll be any different if she finds out that I am an alien?"
"If Lana hates you, then it's not because you're an alien, Clark." The soft, accusing sound of his voice had barely reached Clark when there was a blast of air and Lex vanished at full speed, leaving Clark once more behind. He really, really had to apologize to Chloe for doing this all the time.
It was a long walk back to the mansion. Clark felt sick knowing that Lana would find out about him soon, and tired to the bone from this exhausting day. Even when he had been shot, when he had felt the life bleeding out of him, he hadn't felt this much like a mortal.
What if they didn't manage to reverse this? What was left for Clark then? A lonely mansion, a company he didn't know how to manage, money he didn't want, attention from Lionel he wanted even less.
Clark wished he didn't, but he understood why Lex would envy him. He understood why Lex wanted his life, his family, his friends. Clark had gotten the poorer deal out of this, and for the first time in his life, he would have done anything to be Clark Kent again, with all his secrets and his freakish alien superpowers. He really had been an ungrateful bastard.
It was getting dark by the time Clark dragged himself up to Lex's mansion, and he nearly missed the hulking figure sitting on the doorstep of the servant's entry.
Lex had his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped loosely, and was staring at the ground between his feet as if it held the mysteries of the universe. Clark stopped a few feet away from him, unsure what to say. Lex glanced up and Clark saw the weariness on his face.
"I went to the hospital," Lex started.
"How… how did she take it?" Not well, that much was obvious. What if Lana decided that she didn't want to keep the secret, that she was going to tell the world?
Lex's face twisted into a bitter smile. He shook his head. "I didn't tell her."
Clark blinked numbly. "Why?"
Lex sighed and got up, dusting off his jeans. "You were right. Lana was scared of the aliens from the ship before, but whatever she went through with Zod has…turned her into a fanatic."
"Is she alright?"
"Physically, yes. But she - " Lex hesitated, then laughed hollowly. "Lana thought she was talking to you, Clark, and apparently, she thinks she needs to defend me in your eyes. She said that no matter what I did, it would be justified to stop the 'aliens'. It was… an eye-opening experience in xenophobia."
Clark knew it would have been polite to say he was sorry, but he wasn't, so he didn't pretend to be. This sounded as if Lex and Lana wouldn't be dating any longer and Clark didn't think Lex regretted it very much - Lex had only stolen her from Clark to hurt him, and if he had any regrets about it now, it served him right. If Lex was going to leave Lana alone, then Clark guessed he could forgive it eventually. Lana was another story. Despite the hurtful things she'd said to Clark, he felt sorry for her. She was probably wondering why Lex wasn't visiting her in the hospital, but there was no way Clark could go and pretend he was Lex. Staying away would be easier for all of them.
"So you just left?"
"She told me she no longer wanted to see me - or I guess it'd be more correct to say that she told you she no longer wanted to see you. Chloe was visiting her cousin, by the way. She didn't see me, but she seems to be fine."
Clark was relieved to hear that, although he wished he could talk to Chloe himself. They still had that kiss to discuss… Clark didn't know what to do about that. He liked Chloe a lot. Not in the same way he had liked Lana, but in a way that felt a lot… easier. Maybe dating Chloe would be like dating Alicia, only without the bad psycho stalker part. But it'd be weird to talk to her about this while he was still in Lex's body.
"You look like hell," Lex said, apropos of nothing.
"I feel like it," Clark muttered. "Do you - do I need to stay at the mansion?"
Clark supposed he had to stay at the mansion for appearance' sake, but he wanted nothing more than to go home, see his Mom, have dinner and fall asleep in his own bed. He needed to help her clean up the barn, too…
"Go home, Clark," Lex said, sounding just as tired. "The staff isn't back yet anyway. I'll do what work I can do from my laptop and come by in the morning. Take one of my cars, you know where the keys are."
Clark almost nodded and went, but then hesitated. "You could take the laptop and come, too."
Lex gave him an odd, inscrutable look, and Clark knew he was going to decline, coolly polite and distanced. They weren't that far yet in their tentative truce. But Mom would disapprove, and Clark preferred to have Lex close, too. He had the feeling that a night alone in the mansion would only serve to make Lex reconsider his choices, and Clark liked the choices Lex had made today.
"We could need a hand with the tough jobs," he offered, and then remembered an old trick. "And my Mom probably wants to feed me - all parts of me."
*
Martha Kent didn't seem to be surprised to see both of them walking into her kitchen. She looked exhausted, with splinters of wood stuck in her auburn hair and her clothes smudged with dust - all farmwife and no senator. Lex had never really envied her the job, once he had lost it to her. It was hard to envy Martha Kent anything. She was the one Kent Lex could never find fault in. She looked at the two of them, just one, questioning glance, then asked, "You haven't found a way to reverse this yet?"
Clark shook his head, slumping down at the table without much grace. Lex felt a sudden urge to lecture him on keeping up one's appearances. Even when he had gone through his own slouching phase, he had slouched artfully. Strangely enough, the lack of posture had never bothered him with Clark before, not while Clark was himself.
"We tried the Fortress, but it's dead," Clark told his mother. "Jor-El won't talk to me."
She sighed, then gave them a tired but reassuring smile. "We'll figure this out somehow."
"I'd like to apologize for the damage I caused," Lex told her. He had seen the barn, and part of the wreckage came from the fight he and Clark had had there. Apologizing to Clark wasn't an option yet, because Clark himself had made no move to apologize and Lex wasn't going to make it seem as if everything was his fault, but he felt he owed Martha Kent the same kind of apology he owed the people of Metropolis.
Martha waved it away. "I'm glad you got it out of your systems. You know about Clark now, and as Jonathan would have said, that makes you a part of this family. Families argue. The important thing is that they make up afterwards."
Lex doubted that Mr Kent would ever have said that to him, but he appreciated the words nonetheless. They caused a strange sensation in his belly, half shiver, half warmth, and Lex wondered if it was alien in nature, or merely unfamiliar.
"I also need to apologize for some of the things I did last year. I employed methods in the electoral campaign that were far from fair, but you need to know that you have my deepest respect as a senator, Mrs Kent - "
She shook her head with a small exasperated laugh. "Excessive guilt seems to be hotwired into that body," she said with an affectionate glance at her son. "We all had a hard day, Lex. A hard year. Let's just hope it's over now. If you still feel bad, you can give me a hand in the barn - after dinner."
Humbled by the knowledge that she probably had no idea what she was forgiving, Lex took a seat at the table as well.
Clark went to call Chloe while Mrs Kent made them sandwiches and told Lex what she knew about the damage caused in Kansas and the rest of the States. She was well-informed and Lex could only wonder how busy her day had been, as a mother and a senator, stretched between all kinds of responsibilities. Still, she refused any help with the food or any further attempts at apologizing.
When Clark returned, he was rubbing his temples. "Wow, Chloe was kinda hard to convince it was really me," he huffed, dropping the phone on the table. "I think she believes me now, though."
Lex had had dinner with the Kents before, but tonight it felt very different. The conversation was quieter, but far more relaxed. Maybe there had been a deeper truth in Martha's words, and you really needed to know Clark's secret to be part of the family, but maybe it was also something about how Martha treated the two of them - as adults, equally respected and held responsible for their actions, not children to be guided and protected with a firm hand, the way Jonathan Kent had always acted. Lex wondered if it was her husband's death that had brought the difference, or if it was her way of letting Clark grow up.
"I was thinking about how we should handle the disaster relief in Metropolis," he said after listening to the two of them for a while. "Clark and I want to undo as much of the damage we caused as possible, and I think we could maximize our success if we had you to handle the political angle, Mrs Kent."
She gave him a surprised, somewhat puzzled look. "That is a wonderful idea, Lex. What makes you think I wouldn't want to help?"
"You would be working with Luthor money."
"We would be using it for a good cause," she replied. "I see no harm in that."
Clark didn't object, and the lack of resistance threw Lex off his course. He nodded, and finished his food quietly, deep in thought. Today the world was different, shaken in its angles, interrupted in its usual flow. It was a time to reconsider, a time to remember the important things, a time to remember what you had to lose.
A time to make things grow out of the ashes of the past.
*
Some time later, Clark sat by the table with a dazed and drowsy expression, looking impossibly rumpled for someone wearing designer clothes. Lex on the other hand felt only mental exhaustion, but physically, he was fit and energetic as ever.
"Does your body tire at all?"
"I haven't yet found anything to wear me out," Clark shrugged indifferently. "Asides from being human."
"And meteor rocks," Lex said and startled when Clark snapped to attention all of a sudden, staring at him with wide blue eyes. Aha, he thought, so Clark isn't entirely incapable of thinking in tactical terms.
"How do you know about the meteor rocks?"
"Lana said the aliens from the ship could be hurt by the rocks. And Fine confirmed it. And in hindsight - I had all the evidence to see that you can be hurt by them as well. That's what accounts for all the times you were mysteriously weakened, isn't it?"
"Not all," Clark admitted. He still looked spooked. It was surprisingly disappointing to see the distrust so starkly written on his face, and Lex decided that he needed some time away from Clark.
"I'll go to Metropolis," he said, getting up from the table before this could devolve into another pointless argument.
"To do what?"
"Save people. Rescue children out of collapsed buildings. Extinguish fires. Help kittens from trees," he replied off-hand, feeling twenty years old and bratty. Lex hadn't realized before that somewhere along the way, he had stopped being young. He couldn't tell if he missed it, but it held a certain… freedom to behave foolishly that was exhilarating. Lex headed for the door and fully expected Clark to protest, or lash out in anger, but all he got was a soft call that dampened his temper.
"Remember to be careful," Clark said.
*
Of all the revelations of this endless day, maybe the night spent in Metropolis was the strangest. The chaos and destruction of the city was as frightening as it had been the first time. Lex fully expected another breakdown when he opened his senses to the city once again, but this time it was subtly different, still maddening, but not quite as terrifying. He had purpose, and with each person he pulled out of the rubble, each little catastrophe averted, this purpose grew, together with the knowledge that he could change things, make a difference, do good without causing destruction. He had to make choices, but Lex found the kind of choices someone with Clark's powers had to make infinitely more easy to make than having to decide whether the ends justified the means.
But there was no room for envy in the hectic pace Lex set himself. No room for gratitude from the people he saved, no room for pride. All he could do was hurry, hurry, at an inhuman pace and still too slow to save everyone. At first Lex counted, but then even counting became a waste of time in the rush of action. It wasn't just Metropolis, either. He could be in Kansas city, in Topeka, in Gotham, within the space of seconds, and everywhere there was need.
By the time the cover of night lifted from the sky, Lex's hands were black with soot and dried blood, but it felt as if he had washed them clean in the clearest of waters.
For every person Lex had killed, for every person he had hurt and ruined in the course of his life, there was now one who lived just because of him.
*
Martha gasped when she saw him walking into the house. It was barely five, and Lex was surprised to see her up already. Clark was nowhere around and probably still asleep.
"It's alright, Mrs Kent," he assuaged her, "it's just dirt."
"You were out there all night?" she asked. He nodded, taking off Clark's sneakers at the door. They were in tatters, and Lex decided to look into a more stable material for shoe-soles at the first opportunity. The only clothes he had ever worn until he wore them out were those that he had had with him on the island… strange, he had never been able to think of the island without a small pang of dread, without needing a glass of scotch. Now it seemed very far away.
"Will we see you on the news?" Martha asked, half joke, half apprehension.
"I doubt anyone saw me long enough to give anything like an accurate description. I was as careful as possible under the circumstances."
She considered him for a moment, then nodded, apparently satisfied. "I wish I wasn't so over-protective," she admitted, "but we had so much to worry about when Clark was a boy… I guess some fears just become instincts. But I'm always proud of Clark, and the same goes for you, Lex. As much as I'd like to think better of people, most men wouldn't use Clark's powers the way you do now."
Lex shook his head, refusing the compliment. "I've grown up with the temptations of power, Mrs Kent."
She smiled, as if she knew a secret but wasn't going to tell. "Go take a shower, Lex. Breakfast will be done soon."
A polite declination was on the tip of Lex's tongue, he didn't normally take anything but coffee for breakfast, but his body reacted to the thought of food like Pavlov's dog. Right, he was Clark, and Clark could always eat. Bemused, Lex wandered up the stairs. It gave him the opportunity to get reacquainted with the Kents' house. The place looked much the same, the pictures on the walls hadn't changed except for the few more of Jonathan that had been added, but some things were different, too, having been rebuilt after the second meteor shower. The bathroom looked newer than Lex remembered it from his stay at the Kent farm four years ago during the affair with Lucas.
His eyes fell on the mirror, and he froze. For the first time he saw himself, and yet not himself. Clark's face, handsome and familiar as ever even under all the grime, stared back at him, and Lex couldn't really see himself underneath. It sent a prickle of discomfort down his spine.
How much could he really be himself while in another body? The whole idea of transplanting a mind into another body made no sense from a scientific point of view, much less a human mind into an alien body. How much of him had been rewired? How much could he trust his perception of self? What was even left of him that was purely Lex Luthor and not some alien part grafted onto him by drugs and viruses and all kinds of people messing with his mind and his body? Fear reared its head, ugly and fierce, and Lex had to force himself not to scream.
He had never before wanted so much to be himself and never before been so uncertain of who he was. And there was no way of being certain. He was subject to change, his self an ephemeral, vulnerable thing, and his memory of who he had been was no more to be trusted than his perception of who he was now. He remembered, dimly, a sense of utter certainty that he had once possessed, an innate knowledge of who he was supposed to be, who he would become one day. It seemed laughably far away now, and barely comprehensible.
The moment was interrupted by the door opening and Clark shuffling in with a huge yawn. He looked still somewhat dazed and startled to see Lex. "Lex? What are you doing?"
Lex blinked, then turned away from the mirror. The sense of vertigo was gone. "Having a moment of existential angst."
Clark gave him a look of sleepy amusement. "Never too early for that, huh?"
It was a strangely companionable moment, in the small bathroom with the curtained windows and the dust motes dancing in the early morning light, everything shifting and new, unfamiliar and yet promising. For a second, Lex felt at peace, and able to forgive and forget all the personal sleights and injuries between them. Not enough to let it go, just enough to live with it.
"I'll have to borrow some more of your clothes."
"Serve yourself," Clark mumbled, turning on the water in the sink to wash his face.
*
By the time Lex returned to the bathroom, Clark had vacated it and the sounds of breakfast being prepared drifted up the staircase. It smelled of bacon and eggs, and for once, the smell wasn't making Lex nauseous.
He avoided the mirror this time, and undressed like one would undress a sick person, never letting his touch linger longer than was absolutely necessary.
Clark's body was still a model of physical perfection, and entirely human in all aspects. Regarding it with clinical interest helped - if Lex imagined it under a microscope, he didn't have to imagine it in the bedroom. But when he let warm water run down his back and felt the grime being washed away, when he rubbed shampoo into his hair and let the silky strands slide through his fingers, marvelling at the feel of a scalp with hair, Lex felt a sense of reverence, of wonder, as he hadn't felt it since the first time he laid eyes on this body.
He towelled and dressed at superspeed, knowing that he had already lingered too long, and made it down to the kitchen just in time to see Mrs Kent put a plate of pancakes on the table between the bacon and the scrambled eggs.
"I've got to hurry, boys, " she said, taking a sip from her coffee. "There's an emergency meeting at eleven I need to attend. What are your plans for today?"
"I don't think we can postpone a meeting with the LuthorCorp board much longer."
"In person?" Clark looked and sounded panicked.
"Either that, or we give over the reins to my Dad, which I would prefer not to do," Lex replied.
He watched Clark glance down at his full but untouched plate, his jaws working with something like worry. Clark had dressed himself in a too big T-shirt and an old pair of jeans, and didn't look ready for a board meeting at all. Lex wondered if it was possible for him to dress up and accompany Clark as his assistant. Aside from Lionel, no one would probably notice the charade.
"I just have to sign stuff, right?" Clark muttered.
"Mostly." Whatever had worried Clark wasn't gone, but Lex waited until Martha Kent had hurried out of the kitchen to get ready for work before he asked warily, "What's the problem?"
Clark toyed with his fork. "Your Dad. I have a bad feeling. When I met him yesterday, he was… different."
Lex raised his brows, filling his plate with food. He felt downright greedy this morning. "I can't say I've ever had a good feeling when it came to my Dad, so you'd have to be more specific."
"I thought he had changed," Clark replied, pushing away his own plate to focus on the orange juice. "While he had the connection to Jor-El, it felt as if I could trust him. But yesterday he gave me a look… maybe it's just because I'm in your body."
"Sadly, I doubt that he'll treat me any different than usual because I'm in your body. Frankly, I have a hard time buying my Dad's reformed act. If you think it was caused by his connection to your biological father, then we most likely have to assume that he's back to his old ways."
"He knows my secret!" Clark protested.
Lex nodded, feeling a grim resolve settling into him. "He's less powerful than he used to be, Clark. He'll try to find weaknesses wherever he can, and most likely he'll think he can exploit our situation somehow, but I'll make it clear to him that - ," your family is under my protection, Lex wanted to say, but back-pedalled in the last moment, "I'm fully in control, even if I'm not in my own body."
It was all about appearances.
TBC