For Good: First Times Chapter 4
Title: For Good: First Times
Chapter: 4/5
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairings: House/Wilson
Summary: A look at House and Wilson, and how their relationship developed. PreHouse to season one.
The first time James Wilson realized he was in love with Gregory House was when Stacy Warner came to work at Princeton-Plainsboro. He’d always known that House had been pining away for Stacy since she had left, but to have the object of his friend’s obsession suddenly become more than a distant memory forced him to make some quick adjustments. The most annoying adjustment was learning to deal with the sick, festering jealousy that seemed to accompany him wherever he went.
He couldn’t decide whether it helped or hurt that Stacy was his friend. On the plus side, it meant that he didn’t do anything stupid. It forced him to try to see what would be the best for everyone involved, not just himself and House. He liked to think that his affection for Stacy was forcing him to appeal to his better nature. If she had been some unknown woman, he would have felt justified in hating her for taking House away from him. Even though House had never really been his to begin with. While it may have been easier if he could’ve hated her, that didn’t mean it would have been better that way. However, he still found himself constantly battling against the resentment that kept trying to fight its way to the front of his mind.
He’d tried from the beginning to do what he thought was best. The last time he had seen Stacy, she had been happily engaged, chatting about her new life and her hopes for the future. They’d only talked about House for a few minutes after she’d casually asked how her ex was doing. He hadn’t mentioned that he’d skipped out on a monster truck show with House to meet with her, but he’d still seen the guilt and concern on her face. Stacy may love Mark, but she still loved House, at least to a certain extent. And James knew better than anyone that love was something that you couldn’t just wish away. He still loved his wife, and the bad marriage that any sane person would have left months ago was proof of that.
Julie was another complication. While his gut instinct may be to cringe at the idea of Stacy and House together, he recognized that there was really nothing to be done about it. What the hell did he expect? That Stacy would leave and House would finally realize that James had been there all along? He was still technically a married man. Plus, his relationship with House was rocky at best, especially this past year. He could only imagine how more fucked-up it would get if they were actually involved with each other. Maybe it was better if things stayed the way they were between them.
James had a lot of experience with temptation, cheating and failed marriages. He’d counseled House to stay away from Stacy. He didn’t want to see his friends making some of the many mistakes he’d made in the past. The main thing he didn’t want to see was House getting hurt. He knew how easily Stacy could cause House to backslide over the ground he’d gained during the past five years. Honestly, though, his jealousy had played a part in his decision to warn House away from Stacy. He knew his feelings were irrational, but he couldn’t seem to help them.
He hadn’t been prepared for how strongly he’d react to the situation. When he’d seen House waltz into work six minutes early, then heard about what had gone on in Baltimore, it had hit him like a punch to the gut. He’d taken a few minutes to calm down, then went to Stacy’s office and repeated his warning, knowing full well that he was probably crossing some sort of line. As Stacy had pointed out to him, it really wasn’t any of his business, even if he felt like it damn-well ought to be. The worst thing about it all was when he found out that House had probably only told him about it so that he would talk to Stacy and gather some more information. Of course, he’d played the good best friend and told House what Stacy had said anyway. He couldn’t believe how spineless he could be sometimes.
He knew it was only a matter of time before Stacy and House got back together. They’d always been made for each other. If Stacy was willing to give Mark up, if she thought that House would make her happy, then who was he to stop it? The only time he’d ever seen House really happy was when he had been with Stacy. Wouldn’t it be nice to see that again, even if he wasn’t the one causing it? He refused to think about the bitterness that was clawing its way up his throat. He told himself that he would be happy for them. He didn’t have any real control over what his two friends did, anyway.
James tried to ignore the way he could feel something crack when Cameron came to him with her concerns about the fact that House had come in late, in a good mood, singing. Knowing it was going to happen eventually hadn’t really prepared him for when it actually did. He decided that from now on he would put this damn infatuation, or whatever it was he had for House, behind him.
So he was surprised when he glanced into Stacy’s office on his way out to find her packing her things into boxes. He backed up and gave her a questioning look through the glass. She looked back at him resigned, defeated. He opened the door and let himself in.
“What’s… going on?” he questioned, at a loss.
“I’m going home,” she said, her eyes darting down. He ignored the small flash of relief he felt. Her hands shuffled through a few papers and then slipped them into a file. She was trying to dismiss him.
“Wait a second,” James said, utterly confused. “You two didn’t…” she looked up. “You did, didn’t you?” he felt a surge of anger when she looked down again and didn’t deny it. “So what, you just didn’t get around to telling Mark? You’re going to stay with him? Do you have any idea what this is going to do to House?”
Stacy let out a slightly hysterical laugh, her eyes swimming with tears.
“Why the hell do you care?” she asked bitterly. “This should work out perfect for you.” The venom in her voice, after months of building resentment and more than a little anger at both House and Stacy, was enough to make James snap.
“I care because my two friendsare such idiots that they can’t figure out what the hell they want, end up hurting each other again, and I’m the one stuck in the middle!” He staunchly ignored the fact that there was more than a bit of hypocrisy in that statement.
“And your sterling record of broken relationships allows you to tell me how to manage mine?” she shouted. “You never had to be stuck in the middle, James. You jumped in yourself!”
“To try to stop you two from making a mistake! From the state of things, it looks like I was right!” he exclaimed. Stacy let out a bitter laugh.
“To stop us from making a mistake, or to protect him? Or is it because you’re pissed off that you can’t get what you want?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Stop it, James! You’re always with him, always protecting him. Just- Stop pretending. You should be glad I’m leaving. I know you’re in love with him,” she bit out, not looking at him.
James opened his mouth to deny it, but even as he formed the words he couldn’t voice them. Because suddenly, he realized that what she had just said was true. He froze, the anger flowing out of him to be replaced with shock and self-reproach. He almost wanted to laugh at his own stupidity. When he didn’t say anything, Stacy looked up.
“You may have everyone else around here fooled, but I know both of you better than that. I’m right, aren’t I?”
James let out a puff of air he wasn’t aware he’d been holding.
“I didn’t even know,” he said quietly.
“What?” she asked, the anger and hurt in her eyes dimming a little.
“Until you said that,” he tried to explain. Her eyes widened in comprehension. They stared at each other for a few long moments. Her eyes searched his face. He didn’t know what she found there, but after a while, the tension left her shoulders and she let out a sigh.
“Figures. You two are so different, but underneath it all… you’re so similar. You’re both completely stupid when it comes to anything related to your feelings.” She walked around her desk, pulling her chair with her. “Sit. You look like you’re about to fall over.” She gently pushed him down and then pulled out the second chair that sat in the corner of her office, sitting across from him. They sat in silence for a while, giving James some time to digest the new piece of possibly life-altering information.
“You have to understand, Stacy,” he started when he’d composed himself, “I never would have…” he trailed off, making a motion with his hand to try and explain what he couldn’t express. “Most of me just wanted to see you two happy.”
“Even if it hurt?” she asked. He looked away. “I know. I’ve always known that, and I’m sorry about what I said. I guess I was just taking things out on you.”
“Oh. I’m sorry too.” He had no idea what else to say to that. She smiled slightly.
“To tell you the truth, though, if you hadn’t looked so pole-axed, I probably would have ripped you to pieces,” she said. He laughed slightly.
“Well, there’s one good thing that came out of this revelation. Whatever the hell this is,” he said. “How did you know?”
“Please, James. It wasn’t that hard to see if you knew what to look for. I suppose I’ve known you both for too long. At first I just thought it was me being paranoid… but there’s a way you look at him. Even before the infarction. And after, well, I’d have to be a complete idiot not to notice it then.” She smiled to take the implied insult out of her words.
“I really am an idiot,” he said. They sat in silence for a moment. “I meant what I said, though, Stacy. I wouldn’t be happy to see you leave. If I’m part of the reason you are then-”
“You’re being dramatic again,” she cut him off. “I was going to stay and leave Mark. He didn’t want me to.”
“What?” His eyes widened. Just when he thought he was starting to understand the situation again, she threw him another curve ball. House had been chasing Stacy for months. It didn’t make any sense. “Why?” he asked. She sighed.
“I’m too tired to talk about this right now, James. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about this yet. Basically, I took a gamble and I lost. I have to deal with that. Maybe you should go ask him about it if you want to know.”
“Oh. Stacy, I’m sorry.” That didn’t even begin to make the situation better, but he had to try something. She was hurting, probably as badly as she’d been right before she left five years ago.
“Nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry that I dumped that on you. You’re my friend, James. Sometimes, things get screwed up and I wish that you weren’t, but I do care about you.” Strange that she would be voicing exactly how he’d been feeling for months. Now, though, seeing how defeated she was, James couldn’t help but feel angry at House again, not only for hurting Stacy, but for denying himself something that would’ve made him happy.
“I don’t know his reasons,” James started, “and I know it probably doesn’t help, but he’s being an ass. You’re probably the best thing that ever happened to him.” Stacy smiled.
“Thanks.” They stood up and she gave him a brief hug. “Now go bother him like I know you will. I think I saw him headed for the roof.” She headed back to her packing and he headed for the door.
“James?” she called out just as he reached for the door handle, her back still to him. “I never did… thank you for taking care of him. Just keep doing what you’re doing, okay? He needs someone, whether he admits it or not.” She turned around and smiled. “I’m still going to expect regular calls from you.”
James smiled back. They still had a lot to talk about, but they’d deal with that later. He hoped that somehow, they’d be okay.
“Sure.” Then he left, and headed for the roof.
He wasn’t exactly sure why House had decided to force her into leaving him again, but he had some ideas on the subject. He put off his own freak out over that little phrase, I’m in love with him, until later. He was only sure of one thing.
House had some explaining to do.
The first time Gregory House realized that he didn’t really need Stacy Warner anymore was also the first time he got dangerously close to throwing his self-inflicted rules in regards to James Wilson out the window. Part of him still couldn’t believe that he’d actually sent Stacy away. She’d been his personal Holy Grail for so long that he didn’t know what to do now that it appeared she wasn’t anymore.
He didn’t fully understand why he’d sent her away. Sure, part of the reason was that he was fairly certain they were doomed to fail from the beginning and that she would be happier without him, but there was more to it than that. Somehow, even though overall he’d been happy to have her with him, something about it was… off. There was something there between them that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it was just that he was noticing something missing that he hadn’t noticed before. He couldn’t be completely sure.
Part of it was that he didn’t like change. Granted, he was pissed off and miserable most of the time, but that was the way things had been for a while. Maybe he liked things that way. It had been working pretty well for him up until now. It was never good to interrupt the status quo. Besides, he’d freaked his minions out with that one display of happiness. What the hell would happen to them if he started acting like that more frequently? He was sure that Cameron’s head would explode, which, while amusing, would be unfortunate. He needed her to run tests, after all.
He hadn’t really wanted to send Stacy away. God knew he felt bad enough about it now. He could only imagine how pissy, annoyed and depressed he’d be in the weeks to come. It had to be this way, though. He wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but he did know that.
He had also discovered that he didn’t want Stacy the same way he used to. Part of him still loved her, but more of him didn’t want to put up with the hassle that was involved. There were so many new elements to deal with. They’d both changed; Greg, not so much, but Stacy almost seemed like a completely different person now. Plus there was the complication of Mark and, Greg didn’t want to admit it, but Wilson, too.
It wasn’t like he wanted to be with Wilson. He wanted… Greg didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to be able to have Wilson without changing anything between them. He wanted to be able to feel Wilson’s body close to his without losing the playful arguing. He wanted to run his hands over Wilson’s back and shoulders without losing the satisfaction of never having to pay for his own lunch. He wanted to, God help him, kiss Wilson without losing his open invitation to jump over the railing between their balconies and bug him during the day. His attraction to the man hadn’t changed, even though he’d tried his best to ignore it.
He was so close to just forgetting all his arguments for why going after Wilson was A Bad Idea. It terrified him. He didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him, but he seriously needed to get this under control. He didn’t want to change things. Really. He had to keep telling himself that. Things had been going relatively well up until now; he couldn’t afford to let it all go to hell.
Greg looked up as the subject of his thoughts burst through the door. He looked like he was holding back a fair amount of anger before he trained his face into a more calm expression. He’d probably just come from talking to Stacy. Greg couldn’t say he was surprised.
“What did you tell her?” Wilson asked. Greg sighed and looked up.
“I told her she’s better off without me.”
“Huh.” Wilson didn’t sound convinced. “That’s probably true.” Greg glared at him and popped a couple vicodin. Wilson rubbed his hand over his mouth, turned away from him, then turned back again. “You’re an idiot,” he stated, his expression a cross between disbelief and exasperation. Greg stared at him.
“You don’t think she’d be better off without you,” Wilson continued, shaking his head slightly.
“Right. I sent her off on a whim,” Greg said disdainfully, moving to get up.
“You have no idea why you sent her off!”
“Don’t do this,” Greg said sternly, walking past Wilson. He couldn’t deal with this. He didn’t want Wilson analyzing the reasons why he’d sent Stacy away. It hit too close to home. Of course, his warning didn’t work. This was Wilson after all.
“This was no great sacrifice. You sent her away because you’ve got to be miserable!” House snapped.
“That kinda psycho-crap help your patients get through the long nights?” he asked sarcastically. “Or is it just for you? Tough love make you feel good, helping people feel their pain?”
Greg knew he’d miscalculated when Wilson didn’t shout back at him. His friend’s eyes darted to the ground, going a little unfocused. He seemed sad, disappointed… and something else that Greg couldn’t really define. It looked like a cross between contemplation and pain. Like Wilson wasn’t really thinking about what Greg had said, but something else entirely. They were both silent for a moment. Finally, Wilson tilted his chin up and looked at him.
“You don’t like yourself,” he said, “but you do admire yourself. It’s all you’ve got so you cling to it. You’re so afraid if you change… you’ll lose what makes you special.” He turned as if to go, but then turned back. “Being miserable doesn’t make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable.” Then he really was leaving, and House was left alone again.
He looked out past the hospital. Sometimes it really freaked him out how well Wilson understood him. He supposed that he shouldn’t be so surprised by it anymore. He’d gotten a lot more right about House’s reasoning than he probably knew. And that crap about being miserable… who the hell did Wilson think he was, anyway? Greg’s frown teased into a smirk for a moment.
This was exactly why he could never get involved with Wilson. He’d probably only have the upper-hand half the time.
Greg wasn’t entirely sure he liked those odds.
The first time Gregory House realized that he would never really understand James Wilson was around the time that Julie kicked him out. Everyone, even Greg, had a set mode of operation. Greg was frighteningly good at predicting other people’s actions, even if he’d only known the person for a few seconds. It was what made him so good at what he did. Strangely, though, he’d known Wilson for years, and Wilson was the only person who constantly surprised him.
He had been one-hundred percent positive that Wilson had been doing one of the things Wilson did best; namely, screwing around. There was something about Wilson that made him so fucking good at seducing unsuspecting women that Greg was sure he had a trophy for it stashed away somewhere. He wondered if it had something to do with the look Wilson got on his face when he was being openly sympathetic and caring. Greg knew he’d had to hold himself back several times when Wilson had made that face at him. Whether it was holding himself back from dragging Wilson into the bedroom or punching him in the jaw, Greg still wasn’t completely sure.
When he’d seen the signs that Wilson’s attention was straying from Julie and onto someone else, Greg had greeted it like he had any of the other times he’d thought Wilson was screwing around. It was so easy to get to Wilson that the sniping and caustic remarks almost flew out of his mouth without him consciously deciding to voice them. It was easier to torture Wilson about his infidelity than it was to actually think about what was going on. He knew Wilson would never admit to anything; it was a safe game to play. So he’d been unpleasantly surprised when he’d walked by Wilson remarking on the fact that he still hadn’t told his wife, and Wilson had slapped his pen down onto the desk and stood.
“Let’s say you’re right,” he said. Greg turned around and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“You’re saying I’m right?”
“No,” Wilson denied. “Let us say.” Greg’s eyes darted around and he moved a bit closer as Wilson continued talking. “Does it occur to you that maybe there’s some deeper guidance than, ‘Keep your mouth shut’? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That maybe…” Wilson trailed off, looked away and rubbed his hand over his mouth nervously. “Maybe I’m going through something that I need to have an actual conversation about?”
He looked up at Greg again, and Greg groaned internally. This look was worse than the you-can-talk-to-me-‘cause-I’m-such-a-nice-guy look that Wilson regularly threw around. He looked confused, pleading…lost. For all that Wilson needed neediness in others, Greg had never seen him look so needy himself. It was just so wrong for Wilson to look like that, and it was wreaking havoc on Greg’s already-fucked-up emotions regarding his best friend.
He hadn’t expected Wilson to want to actually talk. If he had, he never would have kept bringing the subject up. If there was one thing Greg didn’t want to hear about, it was Wilson’s latest conquest. Because he couldn’t play the sympathetic best friend. He’d never been good with platitudes, and he honestly didn’t want to hear about it. Because it really wasn’t all that interesting. Because Greg didn’t really care what the hell Wilson did in his free time. Because he was absolutely not jealous at all.
The high-pitched whine of his beeper brought him out of his thoughts.
“Did it occur to you that if you need that kind of a friend, you may have made some deeper errors?” Greg asked, ignoring how Wilson went from looking lost to crushed. He knew he was an asshole, but sometimes he wished he could be a better person, be a better friend to Wilson than he was. But only sometimes.
So when Wilson had showed up a few days later and told Greg that Julie had been the one to, quite literally, fuck everything up, surprise hadn’t even begun to cover the way Greg felt about it. One of the more regrettable side effects of always being right was that when you were wrong, you had no clue how to process the knew information. The fact that Wilson hadn’t been cheating… it just didn’t fit. It was like rolling a fixed pair of dice and getting snake-eyes instead of a seven.
Greg had chalked it up to an inexplicable one-time occurrence and proceeded to make Wilson’s life more miserable than it already was. Those first few days, he wasn’t sure that he could deal with Wilson’s psycho-morning habits and the other, more important problem that the object of his inappropriate desires was accessibly lying on his couch every night. It certainly didn’t help him sleep better. Of course, this was before he had factored in the variable that, dear God, Wilson could cook. And by “cook” he meant, “had the ability of creating pancakes that are capable of making people come in their pants.”
That would have been enough for him to keep Wilson around for an extra day or two, but then Wilson had proceeded to become insanely amusing and interesting whenever Greg pulled pranks worthy of a two-year-old. Greg liked that when Wilson was exasperated, he forgot to be completely miserable. The way that Wilson was dragging through the days like someone had killed his puppy bothered Greg. Though he would never admit it, he hated seeing Wilson so resigned, and he’d made it his personal mission to snap him out of it. While the way Greg did that might have seemed a bit unorthodox, he was positive it got Wilson focused on something other than his personal problems. If it got him focused on Greg in the interim, well, that was just a bonus.
Of course, Greg hadn’t expected Wilson to really retaliate. He knew Wilson, Wilson had been his friend for over a decade, and he was sure that Wilson had an almost inexhaustible amount of patience when it came to Greg. Even though Wilson would bitch and whine, he wouldn’t really do anything to get back at him. Wilson liked to put out the image that he was an adult, mature and ultimately above such things, for all the good it would do him. Wilson thought that getting back at Greg would only prove that he had won. Greg was safe in the knowledge that his friend would never stoop to his level.
Wilson had surprised him again by coming up with a prank that was so utterly brilliant that Greg was kind of disappointed that he hadn’t thought of it first. Not that he could’ve used it on Wilson, but he should’ve been anticipating all the ways Wilson could’ve been getting his revenge. Greg hadn’t seen it coming at all up until the moment that his cane snapped out from under him. Honestly, he’d still been confused about what exactly had happened until Wilson had dead-panned, “Wow. Looks like somebody filed halfway through your cane while you were sleeping.” Apparently, Greg had been wrong about a lot of things when it came to his judgment of Wilson’s character.
After a while, Greg was surprised that he actually enjoyed having Wilson around, probably more than he should. Since he’d first met him, Wilson had always been an anomaly to Greg, and finding out just how much of an anomaly he was turned out to be more fun than it ought to be. Sure, it did nothing to stem his interest in the man, actually made the attraction stronger, but he’d be damned if it wasn’t worth it. Greg found that he liked being surprised by Wilson.
Who would’ve thought that Gregory House could like surprises?
Chapter: 4/5
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairings: House/Wilson
Summary: A look at House and Wilson, and how their relationship developed. PreHouse to season one.
The first time James Wilson realized he was in love with Gregory House was when Stacy Warner came to work at Princeton-Plainsboro. He’d always known that House had been pining away for Stacy since she had left, but to have the object of his friend’s obsession suddenly become more than a distant memory forced him to make some quick adjustments. The most annoying adjustment was learning to deal with the sick, festering jealousy that seemed to accompany him wherever he went.
He couldn’t decide whether it helped or hurt that Stacy was his friend. On the plus side, it meant that he didn’t do anything stupid. It forced him to try to see what would be the best for everyone involved, not just himself and House. He liked to think that his affection for Stacy was forcing him to appeal to his better nature. If she had been some unknown woman, he would have felt justified in hating her for taking House away from him. Even though House had never really been his to begin with. While it may have been easier if he could’ve hated her, that didn’t mean it would have been better that way. However, he still found himself constantly battling against the resentment that kept trying to fight its way to the front of his mind.
He’d tried from the beginning to do what he thought was best. The last time he had seen Stacy, she had been happily engaged, chatting about her new life and her hopes for the future. They’d only talked about House for a few minutes after she’d casually asked how her ex was doing. He hadn’t mentioned that he’d skipped out on a monster truck show with House to meet with her, but he’d still seen the guilt and concern on her face. Stacy may love Mark, but she still loved House, at least to a certain extent. And James knew better than anyone that love was something that you couldn’t just wish away. He still loved his wife, and the bad marriage that any sane person would have left months ago was proof of that.
Julie was another complication. While his gut instinct may be to cringe at the idea of Stacy and House together, he recognized that there was really nothing to be done about it. What the hell did he expect? That Stacy would leave and House would finally realize that James had been there all along? He was still technically a married man. Plus, his relationship with House was rocky at best, especially this past year. He could only imagine how more fucked-up it would get if they were actually involved with each other. Maybe it was better if things stayed the way they were between them.
James had a lot of experience with temptation, cheating and failed marriages. He’d counseled House to stay away from Stacy. He didn’t want to see his friends making some of the many mistakes he’d made in the past. The main thing he didn’t want to see was House getting hurt. He knew how easily Stacy could cause House to backslide over the ground he’d gained during the past five years. Honestly, though, his jealousy had played a part in his decision to warn House away from Stacy. He knew his feelings were irrational, but he couldn’t seem to help them.
He hadn’t been prepared for how strongly he’d react to the situation. When he’d seen House waltz into work six minutes early, then heard about what had gone on in Baltimore, it had hit him like a punch to the gut. He’d taken a few minutes to calm down, then went to Stacy’s office and repeated his warning, knowing full well that he was probably crossing some sort of line. As Stacy had pointed out to him, it really wasn’t any of his business, even if he felt like it damn-well ought to be. The worst thing about it all was when he found out that House had probably only told him about it so that he would talk to Stacy and gather some more information. Of course, he’d played the good best friend and told House what Stacy had said anyway. He couldn’t believe how spineless he could be sometimes.
He knew it was only a matter of time before Stacy and House got back together. They’d always been made for each other. If Stacy was willing to give Mark up, if she thought that House would make her happy, then who was he to stop it? The only time he’d ever seen House really happy was when he had been with Stacy. Wouldn’t it be nice to see that again, even if he wasn’t the one causing it? He refused to think about the bitterness that was clawing its way up his throat. He told himself that he would be happy for them. He didn’t have any real control over what his two friends did, anyway.
James tried to ignore the way he could feel something crack when Cameron came to him with her concerns about the fact that House had come in late, in a good mood, singing. Knowing it was going to happen eventually hadn’t really prepared him for when it actually did. He decided that from now on he would put this damn infatuation, or whatever it was he had for House, behind him.
So he was surprised when he glanced into Stacy’s office on his way out to find her packing her things into boxes. He backed up and gave her a questioning look through the glass. She looked back at him resigned, defeated. He opened the door and let himself in.
“What’s… going on?” he questioned, at a loss.
“I’m going home,” she said, her eyes darting down. He ignored the small flash of relief he felt. Her hands shuffled through a few papers and then slipped them into a file. She was trying to dismiss him.
“Wait a second,” James said, utterly confused. “You two didn’t…” she looked up. “You did, didn’t you?” he felt a surge of anger when she looked down again and didn’t deny it. “So what, you just didn’t get around to telling Mark? You’re going to stay with him? Do you have any idea what this is going to do to House?”
Stacy let out a slightly hysterical laugh, her eyes swimming with tears.
“Why the hell do you care?” she asked bitterly. “This should work out perfect for you.” The venom in her voice, after months of building resentment and more than a little anger at both House and Stacy, was enough to make James snap.
“I care because my two friendsare such idiots that they can’t figure out what the hell they want, end up hurting each other again, and I’m the one stuck in the middle!” He staunchly ignored the fact that there was more than a bit of hypocrisy in that statement.
“And your sterling record of broken relationships allows you to tell me how to manage mine?” she shouted. “You never had to be stuck in the middle, James. You jumped in yourself!”
“To try to stop you two from making a mistake! From the state of things, it looks like I was right!” he exclaimed. Stacy let out a bitter laugh.
“To stop us from making a mistake, or to protect him? Or is it because you’re pissed off that you can’t get what you want?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Stop it, James! You’re always with him, always protecting him. Just- Stop pretending. You should be glad I’m leaving. I know you’re in love with him,” she bit out, not looking at him.
James opened his mouth to deny it, but even as he formed the words he couldn’t voice them. Because suddenly, he realized that what she had just said was true. He froze, the anger flowing out of him to be replaced with shock and self-reproach. He almost wanted to laugh at his own stupidity. When he didn’t say anything, Stacy looked up.
“You may have everyone else around here fooled, but I know both of you better than that. I’m right, aren’t I?”
James let out a puff of air he wasn’t aware he’d been holding.
“I didn’t even know,” he said quietly.
“What?” she asked, the anger and hurt in her eyes dimming a little.
“Until you said that,” he tried to explain. Her eyes widened in comprehension. They stared at each other for a few long moments. Her eyes searched his face. He didn’t know what she found there, but after a while, the tension left her shoulders and she let out a sigh.
“Figures. You two are so different, but underneath it all… you’re so similar. You’re both completely stupid when it comes to anything related to your feelings.” She walked around her desk, pulling her chair with her. “Sit. You look like you’re about to fall over.” She gently pushed him down and then pulled out the second chair that sat in the corner of her office, sitting across from him. They sat in silence for a while, giving James some time to digest the new piece of possibly life-altering information.
“You have to understand, Stacy,” he started when he’d composed himself, “I never would have…” he trailed off, making a motion with his hand to try and explain what he couldn’t express. “Most of me just wanted to see you two happy.”
“Even if it hurt?” she asked. He looked away. “I know. I’ve always known that, and I’m sorry about what I said. I guess I was just taking things out on you.”
“Oh. I’m sorry too.” He had no idea what else to say to that. She smiled slightly.
“To tell you the truth, though, if you hadn’t looked so pole-axed, I probably would have ripped you to pieces,” she said. He laughed slightly.
“Well, there’s one good thing that came out of this revelation. Whatever the hell this is,” he said. “How did you know?”
“Please, James. It wasn’t that hard to see if you knew what to look for. I suppose I’ve known you both for too long. At first I just thought it was me being paranoid… but there’s a way you look at him. Even before the infarction. And after, well, I’d have to be a complete idiot not to notice it then.” She smiled to take the implied insult out of her words.
“I really am an idiot,” he said. They sat in silence for a moment. “I meant what I said, though, Stacy. I wouldn’t be happy to see you leave. If I’m part of the reason you are then-”
“You’re being dramatic again,” she cut him off. “I was going to stay and leave Mark. He didn’t want me to.”
“What?” His eyes widened. Just when he thought he was starting to understand the situation again, she threw him another curve ball. House had been chasing Stacy for months. It didn’t make any sense. “Why?” he asked. She sighed.
“I’m too tired to talk about this right now, James. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about this yet. Basically, I took a gamble and I lost. I have to deal with that. Maybe you should go ask him about it if you want to know.”
“Oh. Stacy, I’m sorry.” That didn’t even begin to make the situation better, but he had to try something. She was hurting, probably as badly as she’d been right before she left five years ago.
“Nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry that I dumped that on you. You’re my friend, James. Sometimes, things get screwed up and I wish that you weren’t, but I do care about you.” Strange that she would be voicing exactly how he’d been feeling for months. Now, though, seeing how defeated she was, James couldn’t help but feel angry at House again, not only for hurting Stacy, but for denying himself something that would’ve made him happy.
“I don’t know his reasons,” James started, “and I know it probably doesn’t help, but he’s being an ass. You’re probably the best thing that ever happened to him.” Stacy smiled.
“Thanks.” They stood up and she gave him a brief hug. “Now go bother him like I know you will. I think I saw him headed for the roof.” She headed back to her packing and he headed for the door.
“James?” she called out just as he reached for the door handle, her back still to him. “I never did… thank you for taking care of him. Just keep doing what you’re doing, okay? He needs someone, whether he admits it or not.” She turned around and smiled. “I’m still going to expect regular calls from you.”
James smiled back. They still had a lot to talk about, but they’d deal with that later. He hoped that somehow, they’d be okay.
“Sure.” Then he left, and headed for the roof.
He wasn’t exactly sure why House had decided to force her into leaving him again, but he had some ideas on the subject. He put off his own freak out over that little phrase, I’m in love with him, until later. He was only sure of one thing.
House had some explaining to do.
The first time Gregory House realized that he didn’t really need Stacy Warner anymore was also the first time he got dangerously close to throwing his self-inflicted rules in regards to James Wilson out the window. Part of him still couldn’t believe that he’d actually sent Stacy away. She’d been his personal Holy Grail for so long that he didn’t know what to do now that it appeared she wasn’t anymore.
He didn’t fully understand why he’d sent her away. Sure, part of the reason was that he was fairly certain they were doomed to fail from the beginning and that she would be happier without him, but there was more to it than that. Somehow, even though overall he’d been happy to have her with him, something about it was… off. There was something there between them that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it was just that he was noticing something missing that he hadn’t noticed before. He couldn’t be completely sure.
Part of it was that he didn’t like change. Granted, he was pissed off and miserable most of the time, but that was the way things had been for a while. Maybe he liked things that way. It had been working pretty well for him up until now. It was never good to interrupt the status quo. Besides, he’d freaked his minions out with that one display of happiness. What the hell would happen to them if he started acting like that more frequently? He was sure that Cameron’s head would explode, which, while amusing, would be unfortunate. He needed her to run tests, after all.
He hadn’t really wanted to send Stacy away. God knew he felt bad enough about it now. He could only imagine how pissy, annoyed and depressed he’d be in the weeks to come. It had to be this way, though. He wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but he did know that.
He had also discovered that he didn’t want Stacy the same way he used to. Part of him still loved her, but more of him didn’t want to put up with the hassle that was involved. There were so many new elements to deal with. They’d both changed; Greg, not so much, but Stacy almost seemed like a completely different person now. Plus there was the complication of Mark and, Greg didn’t want to admit it, but Wilson, too.
It wasn’t like he wanted to be with Wilson. He wanted… Greg didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to be able to have Wilson without changing anything between them. He wanted to be able to feel Wilson’s body close to his without losing the playful arguing. He wanted to run his hands over Wilson’s back and shoulders without losing the satisfaction of never having to pay for his own lunch. He wanted to, God help him, kiss Wilson without losing his open invitation to jump over the railing between their balconies and bug him during the day. His attraction to the man hadn’t changed, even though he’d tried his best to ignore it.
He was so close to just forgetting all his arguments for why going after Wilson was A Bad Idea. It terrified him. He didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him, but he seriously needed to get this under control. He didn’t want to change things. Really. He had to keep telling himself that. Things had been going relatively well up until now; he couldn’t afford to let it all go to hell.
Greg looked up as the subject of his thoughts burst through the door. He looked like he was holding back a fair amount of anger before he trained his face into a more calm expression. He’d probably just come from talking to Stacy. Greg couldn’t say he was surprised.
“What did you tell her?” Wilson asked. Greg sighed and looked up.
“I told her she’s better off without me.”
“Huh.” Wilson didn’t sound convinced. “That’s probably true.” Greg glared at him and popped a couple vicodin. Wilson rubbed his hand over his mouth, turned away from him, then turned back again. “You’re an idiot,” he stated, his expression a cross between disbelief and exasperation. Greg stared at him.
“You don’t think she’d be better off without you,” Wilson continued, shaking his head slightly.
“Right. I sent her off on a whim,” Greg said disdainfully, moving to get up.
“You have no idea why you sent her off!”
“Don’t do this,” Greg said sternly, walking past Wilson. He couldn’t deal with this. He didn’t want Wilson analyzing the reasons why he’d sent Stacy away. It hit too close to home. Of course, his warning didn’t work. This was Wilson after all.
“This was no great sacrifice. You sent her away because you’ve got to be miserable!” House snapped.
“That kinda psycho-crap help your patients get through the long nights?” he asked sarcastically. “Or is it just for you? Tough love make you feel good, helping people feel their pain?”
Greg knew he’d miscalculated when Wilson didn’t shout back at him. His friend’s eyes darted to the ground, going a little unfocused. He seemed sad, disappointed… and something else that Greg couldn’t really define. It looked like a cross between contemplation and pain. Like Wilson wasn’t really thinking about what Greg had said, but something else entirely. They were both silent for a moment. Finally, Wilson tilted his chin up and looked at him.
“You don’t like yourself,” he said, “but you do admire yourself. It’s all you’ve got so you cling to it. You’re so afraid if you change… you’ll lose what makes you special.” He turned as if to go, but then turned back. “Being miserable doesn’t make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable.” Then he really was leaving, and House was left alone again.
He looked out past the hospital. Sometimes it really freaked him out how well Wilson understood him. He supposed that he shouldn’t be so surprised by it anymore. He’d gotten a lot more right about House’s reasoning than he probably knew. And that crap about being miserable… who the hell did Wilson think he was, anyway? Greg’s frown teased into a smirk for a moment.
This was exactly why he could never get involved with Wilson. He’d probably only have the upper-hand half the time.
Greg wasn’t entirely sure he liked those odds.
The first time Gregory House realized that he would never really understand James Wilson was around the time that Julie kicked him out. Everyone, even Greg, had a set mode of operation. Greg was frighteningly good at predicting other people’s actions, even if he’d only known the person for a few seconds. It was what made him so good at what he did. Strangely, though, he’d known Wilson for years, and Wilson was the only person who constantly surprised him.
He had been one-hundred percent positive that Wilson had been doing one of the things Wilson did best; namely, screwing around. There was something about Wilson that made him so fucking good at seducing unsuspecting women that Greg was sure he had a trophy for it stashed away somewhere. He wondered if it had something to do with the look Wilson got on his face when he was being openly sympathetic and caring. Greg knew he’d had to hold himself back several times when Wilson had made that face at him. Whether it was holding himself back from dragging Wilson into the bedroom or punching him in the jaw, Greg still wasn’t completely sure.
When he’d seen the signs that Wilson’s attention was straying from Julie and onto someone else, Greg had greeted it like he had any of the other times he’d thought Wilson was screwing around. It was so easy to get to Wilson that the sniping and caustic remarks almost flew out of his mouth without him consciously deciding to voice them. It was easier to torture Wilson about his infidelity than it was to actually think about what was going on. He knew Wilson would never admit to anything; it was a safe game to play. So he’d been unpleasantly surprised when he’d walked by Wilson remarking on the fact that he still hadn’t told his wife, and Wilson had slapped his pen down onto the desk and stood.
“Let’s say you’re right,” he said. Greg turned around and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“You’re saying I’m right?”
“No,” Wilson denied. “Let us say.” Greg’s eyes darted around and he moved a bit closer as Wilson continued talking. “Does it occur to you that maybe there’s some deeper guidance than, ‘Keep your mouth shut’? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That maybe…” Wilson trailed off, looked away and rubbed his hand over his mouth nervously. “Maybe I’m going through something that I need to have an actual conversation about?”
He looked up at Greg again, and Greg groaned internally. This look was worse than the you-can-talk-to-me-‘cause-I’m-such-a-nice-guy look that Wilson regularly threw around. He looked confused, pleading…lost. For all that Wilson needed neediness in others, Greg had never seen him look so needy himself. It was just so wrong for Wilson to look like that, and it was wreaking havoc on Greg’s already-fucked-up emotions regarding his best friend.
He hadn’t expected Wilson to want to actually talk. If he had, he never would have kept bringing the subject up. If there was one thing Greg didn’t want to hear about, it was Wilson’s latest conquest. Because he couldn’t play the sympathetic best friend. He’d never been good with platitudes, and he honestly didn’t want to hear about it. Because it really wasn’t all that interesting. Because Greg didn’t really care what the hell Wilson did in his free time. Because he was absolutely not jealous at all.
The high-pitched whine of his beeper brought him out of his thoughts.
“Did it occur to you that if you need that kind of a friend, you may have made some deeper errors?” Greg asked, ignoring how Wilson went from looking lost to crushed. He knew he was an asshole, but sometimes he wished he could be a better person, be a better friend to Wilson than he was. But only sometimes.
So when Wilson had showed up a few days later and told Greg that Julie had been the one to, quite literally, fuck everything up, surprise hadn’t even begun to cover the way Greg felt about it. One of the more regrettable side effects of always being right was that when you were wrong, you had no clue how to process the knew information. The fact that Wilson hadn’t been cheating… it just didn’t fit. It was like rolling a fixed pair of dice and getting snake-eyes instead of a seven.
Greg had chalked it up to an inexplicable one-time occurrence and proceeded to make Wilson’s life more miserable than it already was. Those first few days, he wasn’t sure that he could deal with Wilson’s psycho-morning habits and the other, more important problem that the object of his inappropriate desires was accessibly lying on his couch every night. It certainly didn’t help him sleep better. Of course, this was before he had factored in the variable that, dear God, Wilson could cook. And by “cook” he meant, “had the ability of creating pancakes that are capable of making people come in their pants.”
That would have been enough for him to keep Wilson around for an extra day or two, but then Wilson had proceeded to become insanely amusing and interesting whenever Greg pulled pranks worthy of a two-year-old. Greg liked that when Wilson was exasperated, he forgot to be completely miserable. The way that Wilson was dragging through the days like someone had killed his puppy bothered Greg. Though he would never admit it, he hated seeing Wilson so resigned, and he’d made it his personal mission to snap him out of it. While the way Greg did that might have seemed a bit unorthodox, he was positive it got Wilson focused on something other than his personal problems. If it got him focused on Greg in the interim, well, that was just a bonus.
Of course, Greg hadn’t expected Wilson to really retaliate. He knew Wilson, Wilson had been his friend for over a decade, and he was sure that Wilson had an almost inexhaustible amount of patience when it came to Greg. Even though Wilson would bitch and whine, he wouldn’t really do anything to get back at him. Wilson liked to put out the image that he was an adult, mature and ultimately above such things, for all the good it would do him. Wilson thought that getting back at Greg would only prove that he had won. Greg was safe in the knowledge that his friend would never stoop to his level.
Wilson had surprised him again by coming up with a prank that was so utterly brilliant that Greg was kind of disappointed that he hadn’t thought of it first. Not that he could’ve used it on Wilson, but he should’ve been anticipating all the ways Wilson could’ve been getting his revenge. Greg hadn’t seen it coming at all up until the moment that his cane snapped out from under him. Honestly, he’d still been confused about what exactly had happened until Wilson had dead-panned, “Wow. Looks like somebody filed halfway through your cane while you were sleeping.” Apparently, Greg had been wrong about a lot of things when it came to his judgment of Wilson’s character.
After a while, Greg was surprised that he actually enjoyed having Wilson around, probably more than he should. Since he’d first met him, Wilson had always been an anomaly to Greg, and finding out just how much of an anomaly he was turned out to be more fun than it ought to be. Sure, it did nothing to stem his interest in the man, actually made the attraction stronger, but he’d be damned if it wasn’t worth it. Greg found that he liked being surprised by Wilson.
Who would’ve thought that Gregory House could like surprises?