Realization Chapter 15
Changmin looked around at his four hyungs who were quietly consuming their breakfasts. Changmin’s own plate of eggs and cup of coffee lied before him on the table long forgotten. It was unusual for Changmin to focus on anything other than eating during a meal but the atmosphere today was just plain weird.
These days it was hard to see Jaejoong and Yunho together without them arguing about one thing or another but today there was no such conflict. In fact they were quite civil to each other, perhaps overly so.
“Jaejoong you can go ahead and use our shower after breakfast. I woke up early and already washed.”
“Really? Thank you, that was nice of you.”
“It’s nothing. I figured it would be more convenient for us this way.”
Changmin observed the polite exchange of words with a critical eye.
And then there was Yoochun. Usually he was falling all over himself displaying disgustingly sweet behavior towards Jaejoong hyung (ie feeding him or calling him “my darling Jaejae”) but today he acted like Jaejoong didn’t even exist.
Changmin initially thought that something drastic had happened at the bar last night. But that didn’t explain why Junsu was in on it too.
Junsu and Yoochun were busy sending each other secret smiles and little nudges when they thought nobody was looking. This coming from the two friends whose relationship looked a little strained these days as well (nothing escaped Changmin’s eyes). Changmin even saw Yoochun make a little smiley face on his omelet with ketchup and then poke Junsu to look at it, making Junsu erupt in infectious giggles.
Changmin felt a sudden urge to upend the table.
The strange feeling that Changmin couldn’t shake off continued for the rest of the morning. During their usual choreography practice, he was surprised to see the Jung Yunho make the most mistakes out of all the members that day. It was rare for Yunho to make mistakes or have his mind on something else. And being clumsy was more Jaejoong hyung’s thing.
And on the other hand, Jaejoong hyung’s dancing was nearly perfect today in practice. Practices usually didn’t go without stopping a few times due to Jaejoong hyung moving at the wrong time or tripping over his own feet. Yet today Jaejoong hyung was just dancing up a storm as if he was possessed. By anger or perhaps a demon. Maybe both. The set line of his face and his powerful movements were in contrast with Yunho hyung’s bumbling steps.
Very strange.
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“Sorry, can we go again?”
Yunho was having an off day. It felt like his mind and his body were completely floating in different dimensions right now, denying him of any cohesion of thought and movement. Hence the many blunders during their dance practice.
He knew that he was starting to get strange looks from his fellow members (Yunho was known for having an iron will and of course mastery of dance) but today he just couldn’t concentrate. Who could, in the situation he was in right now?
Chunjae had all been a lie. Jaejoong was apparently still in love with him as ever. And as for himself?
That’s the part he couldn’t figure out. He should have felt angry upon knowing that Yoochun and Jaejoong had lied to him all these months (and consequently caused him to follow them around like their freaking mom) but he hadn’t. And he still didn’t.
Rather, he was just confused. He didn’t know what the hell to do, what the hell to feel.
It seemed that the only solution that his slow brain was giving him was to act ridiculously awkward towards Jaejoong.
That and to avoid him like the plague.
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Jaejoong felt like he was going insane. Not like mental institution insane but more like strong urge to bash Yunho’s head in-insane.
It was clear that Yunho was ignoring him. Subtly at first but not so subtly as the day went on.
The only words that Yunho had said to him that day were at the breakfast table. Though Jaejoong was initially surprised by how nice he was being, he realized the reason behind his words. Usually every morning was a war between Jaejoong and Yunho over their shared bathroom but today Jaejoong was faced with an empty bathroom that was free for him to use. Though it would have pleased Jaejoong in any other situation, it only left a bitter taste in his mouth as he realized it was Yunho’s way of avoiding him.
Throughout the day, Jaejoong almost missed the times when they would argue about everything when he saw the way Yunho would avoid looking him in the eyes or be in his vicinity. Yunho was careful to sit as far as possible from Jaejoong in the members van and when they got to their rehearsal studio he bolted from the van in the blink of an eye, leaving Jaejoong to stare at his retreating figure dazedly.
At rehearsal, Yunho didn’t give out his usual criticisms or signals concentrating on his own steps only (falteringly today for that matter). Jaejoong, his sense of injustice at this silent treatment growing ever larger, channeled his anger into power and energy in his dance, even earning rare praise from their choreographer.
During lunch, Yunho wolfed down his food and left the back room just as hurriedly as he had come in, before Jaejoong was even done with half of his sandwich.
At one of their radio interviews in the afternoon, Yunho didn’t back up Jaejoong’s comments or even address him whatsoever. He only answered questions when he was asked and otherwise kept silent.
When they got home in the evening, Jaejoong was determined to sit Yunho down and talk to him. However, Yunho skipped dinner with the members, opting to go out and meet a friend saying he would be home late that day.
And by that time, Jaejoong was frustrated as hell and ready to break into pieces the first thing he saw. Where was the sweet Yunho who carried him on his back in the rain all the way home yesterday? Though perhaps he shouldn’t have read too much into that one incident, he still needed some definite answers.
He resolved to wait for Yunho to come back home. This would be the day when he and Yunho finally came forth with their feelings once and for all.
“No more running, Yunho.”
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Yoochun had never been more nervous in his life. It wasn’t just the slight clenching in his stomach kind of nervous, it was the full-on clammy hands, quickened breathing, and sweaty brow kind of nervous.
He remembered the day that DBSK had first debuted on stage with Boa. Then there was the time when the group had to go on their first Japanese TV program with little to no knowledge or grasp on the Japanese language. There was also the time when they held their live Asia tour to thousands of their fans. He felt more nervous now than he did in all of those experiences put together. In his mind, making a mistake on stage and facing mass humiliation would be better than the situation he was in now.
“Yoochun? Are you okay?”
“W-what?”
“You just looked a little…manic.”
Yoochun blinked once, realizing his eyes had been nearly bulging out of his eye sockets due to the intensity with which he was staring straight ahead at the darkened river before him. Come to think of it, his eyes did feel a little strained. It’s just that he felt like he had to fix his gaze on something, anything, other than Junsu.
That and he had had a death grip on the driving wheel in front of him though it had been ten minutes since the two had parked in front of the river. Yoochun slowly let his hands fall back down to his sides in what he hoped looked like a natural enough position. He seriously needed to chill.
As Yoochun sank back into his seat and tried to let some of the tension out of his body, he only half-listened as Junsu began telling an episode that Junho had told him over the phone the other day. Yoochun plastered what he thought was a believable “listening” expression on his face as he nodded along to the story but his mind was already racing with his next move, how he should confess to Junsu.
“-So then he tried to get an extension on the lease…”
It’s not that he hadn’t thought about possible things to say, clever one-liners leading up to the big confession or perhaps some elaborate speech. Maybe even a self-composed song. But none of them felt exactly right in this situation. Because regardless of the nature of what he was going to say, it was still Junsu, his group member and best friend of five years. It would still feel weird to go to such lengths to express himself to someone he talked to and saw on a daily basis.
“-But they said he wasn’t eligible for it so he was like…”
He just needed something simple. But at the same time, a mere “I like you” or “Will you date me?” was completely impromptu and out of the blue without some kind of gesture leading up it.
“-And then the guy tells Junho that he owed him 90,000 won by the next day...”
Yoochun took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. Fuck it.
“Hey Junsu,”
When Junsu turned his head to look at him with slightly startled tear-drop eyes, Yoochun was already leaning in and clutching the back of Junsu’s head to crush their lips together.
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In the meantime, Jaejoong basically did everything. He cleaned the whole kitchen. Twice. He put in three loads of laundry that had gone ignored for a week now. He baked an unnecessary amount of cookies. And by the time he was done, there was one very satisfied Changmin and a more than ever tired and frustrated Jaejoong.
“Hyung are you sure you don’t want me to help you clean up?” Changmin inquired with his mouth still full with his (hopefully) last cookie for the night.
Jaejoong merely waved him off with a tired smile. He needed to keep himself busy no matter what so there was no reason to share the amount of work putting away the cookie pans and doing the dishes.
Changmin walked away with a shrug and Jaejoong was left alone once again with only the sound of the running water and the gentle clink of the dishes to occupy him. Though Jaejoong was the type to take comfort in the mundane when he was very stressed, today his feelings were still as agitated as ever.
It was another hour of Jaejoong merely sitting away at the table, thrumming his fingers impatiently before he heard the soft click of the front door opening. Considering Yoosu never came in at night with the foresight or consideration to keep quiet, Jaejoong knew it had to be Yunho.
“Hey…”
When Yunho saw him, there was a startled look on his face that he quickly tried to hide by composing his features once more in a nonchalant expression. “Hey Jaejoong. What are you up to? I think I’m going to turn in early.” But before Yunho could walk past him Jaejoong was already clutching his arm in a grip that was surprising in its strength. Yunho visibly flinched but he didn’t try to run away again.
“Yunho, we need to talk,” Jaejoong inwardly cringed at the cliché line but he knew he had to express himself to Yunho in the plainest terms.
Jaejoong felt the tension slacken in Yunho’s body and he slowly let go of his vice-like grip on Yunho’s arm. “About what?” Yunho’s tone was careful, guarded, not unknowing of what was to come.
“You, me, us. Everything.”
Yunho slid his hand over his face tiredly, replying in what seemed like feeble protest, a last attempt, “Look, I’m worn out today Jaejoong. Can’t we just-”
“No,” Jaejoong spat out, his tone having a bit more bite than he intended. But he couldn’t get himself to quite care because in all seriousness, he had waited for too fucking long.
Yunho gazed down at him with eyes that gave away his inner torment and conflict. His voice came out soft, possibly an attempt to placate Jaejoong, “If this is about yesterday. It didn’t mean anything…”
But Jaejoong would have none of it. Because Yunho could be such a hypocritical ass, a bundle of contradictions. Even right now, his words were denying him but his eyes were pleading him for something else. Jaejoong took a deep breath and looked into Yunho’s eyes, more forward than he had been in months, “Up til now, I’ve done a lot of chasing and I’ve done a lot of going around in circles.” Jaejoong’s voice softened as he saw the droop in Yunho’s shoulders, the apology in his eyes. “Can’t you just…like me back a little bit too?”
Jaejoong took one step closer to Yunho, slowly as if he was approaching a wild deer that might dart away any second. He took another step and another step. And then his breath, feather soft, made ripples in the material of Yunho’s shirt as he leaned into the warm chest, into the heady scent that hadn’t changed over the years.
Jaejoong rested his forehead on Yunho, barely touching, holding his breath for fear that he would ruin the moment. “Please” he whispered breathily.
Yunho’s hands were shaking as he tightly clenched them into fists. He did that for a few moments, clenching and unclenching his fists over and over. He took a deep breath, standing where he was as if spellbound, not pushing Jae away.
Shakily he brought his hands up and around Jaejoong’s form, slowly but surely bringing the lithe body into his embrace.
“Jaejoongah…” Yunho’s whisper was muffled by the silky locks of Jaejoong’s hair. Jaejoong finally let out that breath he was holding for so long, whispering back, “I’m here.”
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A/N Okay so I suck at keeping promises and am later than ever with this chapter (pls forgive me!!) I hope I haven't lost all my readers haha. For some reason I just had a major writers block with this chapter plus real life was starting to get a little crazyyy
BUT! If you guys do a little favor for me I will get the next chapter up within this week! (like the next few days) If you can go to my internship facebook page and "like" it --> HERE, it would be greatly appreciated! Hannah and Friends is an organization for disabled children and if we can get enough "likes" we might win a grant for the kids! THANK YOU ALL!!
Drop me a comment kiddos!