Somebody stole my eye cancer and my brain cancer has a couple of bent corners.

[balaamsass]

So a few weeks ago while ill from the flu I went to the doctor. Over small talk with the doctor I brought up that I had had a hard time pooping lately because of pain. He told me he had better take a look. So in the mortifying procedure of looking at and in my ass he found a lump. He said its probably nothing but that he wanted it biopsied. So

Comments

a list of pros for a con situation

[morenamuse]

you can start sporting those groovy plastic bracelets everyone's wearing. you can create a giant checklist of cancers and when you beat them into submission you can make humongous checkmarks out of sequins. you can make jokes that few other people can without crossing the line into bad taste. if there's ever anything you want- ever- you can say "hey. have you had two types of cancer?" people will be more likely to read any book you publish, buy any clothes you design, watch any movie you write etc. because you're a cancer survivor.
you could dress up like you're eight and write the make a wish foundation. twice.

Re: a list of pros for a con situation

[balaamsass]

I think I want to go to a church with a faith healer and ask them to lay hands on my colon. We all need some nookie sometimes.

Re: a list of pros for a con situation

[onavolta]

I hear that the make a wish foundation forces every sick kid to go to Disneyland, regardless of the child's actual dying wish. I say milk 'em for all they're worth- go do Disneyland twice. I bet the lady who dresses up as Snow White will let you grope her if you tell her that you are eight and have butt cancer. (HOT!)

p.s.- Lon has wooden legs, but real feet.

Re: a list of pros for a con situation

[balaamsass]

actually I told those make a wish bitches that I would only go to Dollywood. Now those are some tatas that I will have to fondle.

[joecollege]

jarold, i miss you, anytime you'd like to hang out or anything, just gimme a call.

[balaamsass]

I miss you to Joe. You give me a call sometime.