Some alone time...
Who: Quistis, Irivine
What: Reflection
When: Friday, April 20th @ 4:30 PM
Where: Training Center, that secret little area where people usually go to make-out (the one Quistis took Squall to in the game) XD
Status: Open
Arms draped across the railing, Quistis fluttered her fingers uselessly, watching the slim digits with the neatly trimmed nails stir the air. It was after her classes and not quite dinner, so she didn't have anything pressing to do. She didn't know why she was here exactly; only that it was likely she'd have the space alone so early in the day. Lovers wouldn't steal off for a midnight kiss until, well, midnight.
She arched her back, feeling the aches follow the movement and smooth out with the stretch. Two hours of training earlier that morning had left its mark on her. Maybe she was pushing it to expect so much out of herself in peaceful times, but a stubborn part of her refused to fall behind. Missionless and licenseless though she was at the moment, she was still a SeeD. There would be more SeeDs taking their test in May and she didn't want them to be in better shape than she was.
Celebrity was a perk she was certain she could've done without. People expected more out of you when you helped 'save the world'. You had to be a better SeeD, a better person. She couldn't say whether she was either, and all being famous had really done was give her more headaches. Cid hadn't restored her instructor license because of it. Rather, she had to take classes and prove to him that she was capable of it.
Releasing a breath she hadn't known she was holding, she straightened from the stretch and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She felt like she was more centered, certainly a better leader. The others... Irvine, Selphie, Squall, Rinoa, Zell... Fighting for more than an instructor's position had brought her close to them, closer than she could ever remember being to another person. But, from a realistic point of view, she supposed she couldn't blame Cid.
Reaching up, she pulled the clip from her hair and let it fall down her back. Her scalp sung its relief from the binding and she absently rubbed at the resulting tingles. It was a matter of pride that she rarely went out in public without being completely put together. Maybe a little of it was vanity, but mostly it was a need to convey composure, to show that she was proud of being a SeeD, proud to wear the uniform.
After SeeD, being an instructor had meant everything to her. She'd struggled and fought her way to SeeD at age 15, younger than anyone. It seemed to natural to her that she'd continue on and teach. She liked helping people learn, had thought it came easily to her. But the mishap with her students, the loss of license had made her question that, question her true motives.
Did she want to teach to help others become better SeeDs, or to help herself gain the stature of someone important, someone needed?
"A little of both..." She mused aloud, not certain whether the prick of mortification the admission caused was warranted or not.
What was wrong with being needed? Wasn't that what every human strived for? And if so, what did Cid really want of her?
She knew some of the students looked up to her. She wasn't blind to her 'fan club', though it embarrassed her on some level because she wasn't certain whether they appreciated her as an instructor or just liked the way she looked or the fact that she was young like them. What had been missing, what Squall and Seifer had constantly shown her, was that they didn't respect her. Without respect, how could she reach them as an instructor? And was it her age that posed the biggest obstacle, or had it been her lack of true confidence in herself?
It wasn't the first time she'd turned these thoughts over in her head. The uncertainty made her wonder if she shouldn't be a SeeD longer, gain more experience before trying for her license again. She knew it wouln't hurt to have a larger age gap between her and her students. But at the same time, she wanted to pursue it again now, not wait, not leg her age hold her back.
Funny, how saving the world didn't give you a whole lot more confidence in yourself. The fact that Cid still doubted her left her wavering, wondering if she really had what it took to teach. A small, guilty part of herself wondered as well if it was what she truly wanted. And how could she tell? Being an instructor had been foremost in her mind for so long that she'd never considered not doing it.
"God, listen to me. I sound so wishy-washy. You'd think I wasn't an adult with the ability to make my own decisions..." Though it didn't always feel that way. She'd rushed through childhood so fast to be an adult, she considered lately that maybe she'd never let herself be a child.
But in acting her age... She'd have to be carefree, boy-crazy; speak her mind no matter what it was and be impulsive sometimes. In other words, act like Rinoa or Selphie.
Laughing, she shook her head. She liked her friends just as they were, but being the way they were just wasn't her. Though at times, she had to admit, she envied them...
What: Reflection
When: Friday, April 20th @ 4:30 PM
Where: Training Center, that secret little area where people usually go to make-out (the one Quistis took Squall to in the game) XD
Status: Open
Arms draped across the railing, Quistis fluttered her fingers uselessly, watching the slim digits with the neatly trimmed nails stir the air. It was after her classes and not quite dinner, so she didn't have anything pressing to do. She didn't know why she was here exactly; only that it was likely she'd have the space alone so early in the day. Lovers wouldn't steal off for a midnight kiss until, well, midnight.
She arched her back, feeling the aches follow the movement and smooth out with the stretch. Two hours of training earlier that morning had left its mark on her. Maybe she was pushing it to expect so much out of herself in peaceful times, but a stubborn part of her refused to fall behind. Missionless and licenseless though she was at the moment, she was still a SeeD. There would be more SeeDs taking their test in May and she didn't want them to be in better shape than she was.
Celebrity was a perk she was certain she could've done without. People expected more out of you when you helped 'save the world'. You had to be a better SeeD, a better person. She couldn't say whether she was either, and all being famous had really done was give her more headaches. Cid hadn't restored her instructor license because of it. Rather, she had to take classes and prove to him that she was capable of it.
Releasing a breath she hadn't known she was holding, she straightened from the stretch and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She felt like she was more centered, certainly a better leader. The others... Irvine, Selphie, Squall, Rinoa, Zell... Fighting for more than an instructor's position had brought her close to them, closer than she could ever remember being to another person. But, from a realistic point of view, she supposed she couldn't blame Cid.
Reaching up, she pulled the clip from her hair and let it fall down her back. Her scalp sung its relief from the binding and she absently rubbed at the resulting tingles. It was a matter of pride that she rarely went out in public without being completely put together. Maybe a little of it was vanity, but mostly it was a need to convey composure, to show that she was proud of being a SeeD, proud to wear the uniform.
After SeeD, being an instructor had meant everything to her. She'd struggled and fought her way to SeeD at age 15, younger than anyone. It seemed to natural to her that she'd continue on and teach. She liked helping people learn, had thought it came easily to her. But the mishap with her students, the loss of license had made her question that, question her true motives.
Did she want to teach to help others become better SeeDs, or to help herself gain the stature of someone important, someone needed?
"A little of both..." She mused aloud, not certain whether the prick of mortification the admission caused was warranted or not.
What was wrong with being needed? Wasn't that what every human strived for? And if so, what did Cid really want of her?
She knew some of the students looked up to her. She wasn't blind to her 'fan club', though it embarrassed her on some level because she wasn't certain whether they appreciated her as an instructor or just liked the way she looked or the fact that she was young like them. What had been missing, what Squall and Seifer had constantly shown her, was that they didn't respect her. Without respect, how could she reach them as an instructor? And was it her age that posed the biggest obstacle, or had it been her lack of true confidence in herself?
It wasn't the first time she'd turned these thoughts over in her head. The uncertainty made her wonder if she shouldn't be a SeeD longer, gain more experience before trying for her license again. She knew it wouln't hurt to have a larger age gap between her and her students. But at the same time, she wanted to pursue it again now, not wait, not leg her age hold her back.
Funny, how saving the world didn't give you a whole lot more confidence in yourself. The fact that Cid still doubted her left her wavering, wondering if she really had what it took to teach. A small, guilty part of herself wondered as well if it was what she truly wanted. And how could she tell? Being an instructor had been foremost in her mind for so long that she'd never considered not doing it.
"God, listen to me. I sound so wishy-washy. You'd think I wasn't an adult with the ability to make my own decisions..." Though it didn't always feel that way. She'd rushed through childhood so fast to be an adult, she considered lately that maybe she'd never let herself be a child.
But in acting her age... She'd have to be carefree, boy-crazy; speak her mind no matter what it was and be impulsive sometimes. In other words, act like Rinoa or Selphie.
Laughing, she shook her head. She liked her friends just as they were, but being the way they were just wasn't her. Though at times, she had to admit, she envied them...