(Untitled)

[balonie]

Note: I am writing poetry for the first time in my

Comments

[cerulean_eyes]

That last stanza is so brilliant! I liked this lots.

My only suggestions - use 'and' instead of '&' - it's jarring otherwise... and

'You thaught me
How to kiss.' - isn't that supposed to be 'taught' there? or is it a cross between thought and taught? *g*

I love this though:

I hit the air
Before landing
On a patch of
Bare skin (yours)

Guh.

[balonie]

actual techinical revisions, oh thank you thank you. i am glad you liked them, would you like to see more?

[cerulean_eyes]

I would indeed!

[loftily]

Suddenly
The way you were
Comes to me and
Devastates me

Oh, I love that. Also the cell by cell. ♥.

[balonie]

oh amalin, i am so glad you approve, these are all bout little instances. last night i was reading your posts on caluatica and staggering in the sheer brillianceo or your lines.

[loftily]

I can't stop reading that tiny short stanza. It devastates me. :))

Oh, how I miss calautica. This is lovely.

[balonie]

I do too, what happened to it? why was it abandoned all of a sudden?

[amoralphreak]

i and ii are really, really good. i'm very much impressed this is the first poetry you've written

[balonie]

for me, writing poetry is like speaking a language i don't quite undertand. i can hope what I am saying makes sense but in the end any resultant beauty is per chance.

[phyrephly]

all of this is perfect:

I love to slide
Over you
Sneaking into
Every last nook
& cranny
only
to splash
onto the tiles
seconds later
or worse
be rubbed dry
by your fluffly
towel

though sometimes
I get lucky
& I fall
onto your open lips
just as
your tongue
darts out to
swallow me whole

‘’’’

Ah!

The delicious
Curves
Of your back

Ah! Ah!

Ah!

‘’’’

All my life
My ambition
Has been to write
Poetry & porn
Preferably
At the same time.

it could even be perfect by itself. i honestly try to shy away from all of the &s and spaces and things like that, but many times you actually use that form to your advantage. it's a whimsical poem, so i'll allow it. i like that your first poem is a happy one.

[balonie]

i am glad you liked it. are &'s really that horrible? i guess there seems to be a consensus on that.