drunken posts.
Some one told me that it seems like I'm checking out.
I didn't want to admit to it. But the more that I keep thinking about it (or not thinking about it, which may be the problem) the more that I realize that I am starting the checkout mode.
I don't know how to stop it. I don't know if I want to, or if I should be trying to stop myself.
I put myself in this position. I'm quite aware of my position. Everyone has told me that this position is not a position they want to see me in. I didn't listen. I'm stubborn. WTFelse is new.
I miss you Heather. (And yes, I never call you by that but fuck it hurts that much) I know that you'd be here to give me some sort of pep talk. Or at least tell me that it's ok. And even though I do have many good friends that tell me this, it just always felt better when it came from your mouth. You'd try to convince me to drink, I'd deny it because I don't drink and drive. Then you'd try to get me to smoke. I'd think about it really really hard, reconsider one more time and then turn it down because I gave it up because I'm paranoid and retarded.
Then you'd tell me to just make myself happy.
Why is that such an easy sentence to say, yet so hard to physically do.
TMI.
yes I know
Sorry for whomever is actually reading this.
I had to vent.
I don't vent often.
If you are reading this you know this.
So this whole post is just me telling you a bunch of shit you already know.
But now I feel better.
Kind of.
red bull vodka chug.
and I'm out.
I didn't want to admit to it. But the more that I keep thinking about it (or not thinking about it, which may be the problem) the more that I realize that I am starting the checkout mode.
I don't know how to stop it. I don't know if I want to, or if I should be trying to stop myself.
I put myself in this position. I'm quite aware of my position. Everyone has told me that this position is not a position they want to see me in. I didn't listen. I'm stubborn. WTFelse is new.
I miss you Heather. (And yes, I never call you by that but fuck it hurts that much) I know that you'd be here to give me some sort of pep talk. Or at least tell me that it's ok. And even though I do have many good friends that tell me this, it just always felt better when it came from your mouth. You'd try to convince me to drink, I'd deny it because I don't drink and drive. Then you'd try to get me to smoke. I'd think about it really really hard, reconsider one more time and then turn it down because I gave it up because I'm paranoid and retarded.
Then you'd tell me to just make myself happy.
Why is that such an easy sentence to say, yet so hard to physically do.
TMI.
yes I know
Sorry for whomever is actually reading this.
I had to vent.
I don't vent often.
If you are reading this you know this.
So this whole post is just me telling you a bunch of shit you already know.
But now I feel better.
Kind of.
red bull vodka chug.
and I'm out.