Dare to love (7/?)
Hey guys, here’s the next chapter! Thanks for all of your reviews/comments and…I hope you like it! :)
Any spelling mistakes are my own (my spell check is broken for some reason).
Chapter 7
Santana begrudgingly stepped out of her car and closed the door before leaning back against it to stare up at the large house in front of her. Quinn’s house. She half wanted to get back in the car and drive away…to ignore the problem at hand but it had been eating away at her since Quinn had broken up with Rachel and she could no longer ignore the need to do something about it. With a heavy sigh Santana pushed herself away from the car and walked up the pathway to press her index finger firmly against the doorbell.
The day hadn’t been the greatest. She had gotten into a minor argument with Brittany earlier that morning regarding who else but Quinn Fabray due to her own fear induced irritability (which she had hurried to apologise for) and the fact Rachel being miserable was making both Santana and Brittany miserable as well. To top it all off, Quinn had been absent from school that day and the previous day, meaning they hadn’t seen her for four whole days including the weekend and she wasn’t answering their calls or texts. Though she wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, Santana was getting really worried about Quinn’s wellbeing.
“Come on…” she muttered as she hit the doorbell with the palm of her hand. She waited for a minute before stepping back from the door and walking over to the window. She tried to peak through the curtains but the only thing she managed to catch sight of was a blonde head resting on the arm of the couch “Quinn!” Santana tapped on the window but the form on the couch didn’t seem to even flinch “Fabray, open the fucking door!”
Still there was no answer and Santana took a step back, her stomach churning nervously. She generally wasn’t the kind of person to overreact to the sight of somebody being at home but not answering the door but recent events and the fact that Quinn wasn’t the most stable or rational of people when going through something as emotionally wounding as a breakup or unrequited love situation caused her to be slightly alarmed.
“Quinn, open the door or I swear I’ll kick it…” she trailed off, recalling that she didn’t actually have to do anything as drastic as attempting to kick the door down. Instead she knelt down on the ground and felt around behind the flowerpot situated next to the door. Feeling the small gap she was looking for in the wall, she slipped her finger inside and pressed against the side before pulling it back out. With a triumphant “Ha!” she stood back up with a key in her hand and proceeded to unlock the front door.
“Quinn?” Santana called over the sound of the TV in the other room as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Recalling the sight from the window, she moved forward and turned a corner, only to see Quinn lying on the couch, her eyes closed and her hands resting on her stomach while the TV played in the background.
“Quinn.” Santana stated loudly as she stepped forward and placed her hand on Quinn’s shoulder to lightly shake her. She released a sigh of relief when Quinn’s forehead crinkled at the disturbance and her hand was slapped lightly away. There was a moment of stillness before Quinn shot up into a seated position, seemingly remembering that she had been alone in the house before she had drifted off to sleep.
“Santana?” she blinked rapidly as her gaze landed on the latina “H-how did you get into my house?!”
“Spare key.” Santana answered simply as she held the item up between two fingers.
Quinn quickly grabbed the key from Santana’s hand and moved back across the couch “Why did you use it? That’s trespassing you know.”
“I saw you through the window.” Santana shrugged sheepishly “Thought you were unconcious or dead or something.”
“Why would you think I was d…you know what? Nevermind.” Quinn shook her head in confused disbelief “You can see that I’m very much alive so you can leave now, okay? I’m fine.”
Santana cast a quick look around the room, noting the three mostly empty bottles of wine on the table and the junk food that littered the floor, varying from empty Ben and Jerry’s ice cream containers to empty packets of chips and bottles of soda. She even noticed a couple of pizza boxes carelessly dropped onto the floor next to the couch “You don’t seem fine if your junk food binge is anything to go by.”
“So what if I’m not?” Quinn asked as she pulled her knees to her chest, taking the blanket on them with her “You have no reason to care right now after everything I’ve done.”
“So this is some kind of pity party?” Santana asked expectantly. She gestured around the room before turning back to Quinn who looked slightly wounded by the statement. Santana felt a twinge of guilt and internally rolling her eyes at herself, she changed the subject “Whatever. Where’s your Mom anyway? Doesn’t she usually go ape shit crazy when you mess up her pristine house?”
“She’s away for a week.” Quinn answered monotonously “She’ll be back in a couple of days apparently.”
“She left you alone?” Santana asked sceptically.
“It’s not so bad.” Quinn shrugged “At least this way I can sit around and host my own private ‘pity party’, right?”
Santana winced slightly, wishing she could take what she had said back but unwilling to show any kind of weakness in front of the blonde.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” Quinn questioned softly while Santana pondered what to say in response “You wouldn’t have come here without a reason.”
Santana hesitated for a minute, wary of delving right into the unpleasent conversation at hand. Instead she moved to sit on the arm of the chair, opting to change the subject “You haven’t been at school all week.”
Quinn shrugged listlessly “I didn’t feel like going.”
“You haven’t been answering our phone calls.”
“I didn’t feel like talking to any of you.”
Santana sighed in frustration as it became clear that Quinn wasn’t going to be very responsive during the conversation “You broke up with Rachel.”
“I know I did.”
“She’s a mess right now you know.” Santana stated, her gaze fixed firmly on Quinn. For that reason she didn’t miss Quinn’s flinch or the way her eyes flicked up as if she was focusing on the conversation for the first time “She doesn’t understand what she did to make you break up with her.”
“She didn’t do anything.” Quinn quickly stated “It wasn’t her fault.”
“Then why did you break up with her?” Santana asked hotly “Because I can only think of one reason you would do that and I don’t fucking like it one little bit.”
“How could I stay with her when I’m in love with somebody else, Santana?” Quinn countered meekly “She deserves better than that.”
Santana rolled her eyes at the answer “Give up the martyr act and tell me the truth Quinn.”
“I have told you the truth!” Quinn exclaimed irritably “I can’t be with Rachel while I’m thinking about someone else.”
“Would that be my girlfriend or some other random person you want to fuck instead of your own?” Santana retorted harshly.
“Fuck you Santana!”
“If you remember you already did that once!” Santana practically yelled only to fall silent at the expression on Quinn’s face. Bringing the subject of that night up had been strictly forbidden since it had happened and it was obvious from the look on her face that Quinn was still very much confused about what had occured. Santana felt bad about bringing the subject up but she was never the kind of person to back down from an argument just to apologise so she pressed on, her tone softer than a moment before “Whatever. I just came by to tell you that if you broke up with Rachel so you can chase after Brittany…it’s not going to happen. She’s mine.”
“Talking about her like a posession now?” Quinn asked, her voice soft yet still angry.
“That’s not what I mean and you fucking know it.” Santana scowled
Quinn gave Santana a sceptical look but otherwise she remained silent. She was aware that what she was suggesting was far from the truth but she couldn’t think of anything else to say in her defence.
“Brittany wouldn’t leave me for you anyway.” Santana spoke up, her voice slightly shaky “Even if she did know about this…she loves me. She would never leave me for you…for anyone.”
“Are you sure about that?” Quinn asked before she could stop herself.
Santana lurched onto her feet at the question, causing Quinn to flinch back “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
Quinn swallowed heavily, finding that she didn’t have the emotional stength to clash with Santana in the way she usually would. At least when they usually fought, they clashed fairly but at that moment Quinn was metaphrically on her knees and the only blows she could land were low and unfair. She really hadn’t meant to suggest that Brittany didn’t love Santana and the idea itself was nothing but laughable to her, however she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her mouth “It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that she loves you.”
Santana’s eyes flashed dangerously “Fuck. You, Fabray.” She glared at Quinn for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief “You’re supposed to be my best friend. You’re not supposed to be the person who points out the face that I don’t deserve Brittany. Don’t you think I already fucking know that? Don’t you think I tell myself the same…?” her voice cracked midsentence but she pressed on angrily after only a moment of hesitation “…the same thing every freaking day?” she paused for a moment, slightly embarrased by her emotional outburst “Just stay the hell away from us, alright?” without missing a beat she spun on her heel and started to walk away.
“Santana!” Quinn scrambled to lurch forward and grasp Santana’s wrist,effectively tugging her back “Wait. Wait, I’m sorry.” When Santana merely stared at her she continued meekly “I’m sorry. Please don’t go…I don’t want to lose our friendship over this San. You, Britt and Rachel are all I have.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you told me you were In love with Britt and dumped Rachel.” Santana said accusingly.
“I know…I’m sorry.” Quinn mumrured as she released Santana’s wrist “I can’t help how I feel though and I can’t betray Rachel by staying with her. I respect and care about her way too much to emotionally cheat on her.”
“But you don’t love her?” Santana asked curiously.
“I do love her.” Quinn disagreed vehemently “Of course I love her.”
“So you’re not in love with her?”
“I am…but I’m in love with Brittany too.”
“Right.”
Santana looked as if the statement had wounded her for a deeper reason than Quinn saying that she was in love with her girlfriend though the latter wasn’t sure why.
“I won’t do anything.” Quinn said sincerely “Maybe you won’t believe this right now and maybe you don’t feel the same way back anymore but…You’re my best friend and I love you, okay San? I would never hurt you like that.”
“You already have.” Santana muttered, turning her gaze down to the floor.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Santana answered quickly, forcing herself to ignore the bubbling emotion in her chest “Look I should go…Brittany and Rachel will be waiting for me or something.”
“So you and Brittany are still hanging out with Rachel?” Quinn asked in a tone filled with both concern and hope.
“Of course we are.” Santana answered, sounding slightly irritated “We’re her best friends. We wouldn’t just abandon her, especially right now.”
Quinn huffed a bitter laugh and glanced down at her lap.
“We haven’t abandoned you either, Q.” Santana said as if she could tell exactly what Quinn was thinking just from her reaction “You refuse to talk to us, not the other way around.”
“How is she?” Quinn whispered emotionally.
“She’s a mess.” Santana answered honestly “She misses you like crazy, she thinks she did something to make you stop loving her and she cries all of the time which of course makes Brittany cry, which makes Rachel cry even more.” She rolled her eyes, a tiny hint of a troubled smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she thought back to the image of Rachel encased tightly in Brittany’s arms, the latter trying as best she could to comfort Rachel through her own tears “It would be sweet if it wasn’t so depressing.”
Quinn’s eyes misted slightly at the revelation “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
Santana shifted uncomfortably at the sight of Quinn’s tears and clenched her fists at her sides in an attempt to resist the urge to reach out to the clearly hurting blonde “You should be telling her that, not me.”
“No. I-I can’t.” Quinn shook her head adamently, allowing her tears to fall freely “Where is she right now, anyway?”
“She’s with Brittany.” Santana responded cautiously “She sticks closer to us now than she did before you broke up with her.”
“Good…” Quinn mumbled, lifting her hand to dash tears from her cheeks “That’s good.”
A tense silence fell over them, both girls averting their eyes and neither sure of what else there was to say.
“I should go.” Santana finally spoke up “I told them I would meet them at Brittany’s place after I picked something up from mine.”
“You didn’t tell them you were coming here than?” Quinn asked quietly.
Santana shook her head “It would only have upset Rachel and Brittany would have wanted…”
“What?” Quinn asked, a hint of hope in her voice.
“She would have wanted to see you.” Santana replied warily “She’s worried about you.”
“Oh.” Quinn muttered before thoughtfully biting her lip. Part of her wished that Brittany had come with Santana because she missed her fellow blonde like crazy but another part of her was glad that Brittany had stayed away.
“I should go.” Santana said again, though she made no move towards the doorway. Instead she merely lingered unsurely in front of the tearful blonde on the couch.
“Right.” Quinn sighed.
Santana took a step back but she was slightly hesitant to move too far away “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”
“Do you still care?” Quinn asked quietly. She was met with a blank stare and she shrugged in response “I guess.”
“You guess?” Santana echoed, concern filling her voice “You don’t sound sure.”
Quinn shrugged numbly in response “Don’t worry about it.”
Santana opened her mouth to speak but promptly closed it again, realising that she really had no idea what to say to the clealry distraught blonde. She glanced between Quinn and the door, torn between leaving and staying to make sure that Quinn was going to be okay.
“You can go.” Quinn encouraged softly “I know you don’t want to be here so just go, okay Santana?”
“You have no idea what I want.” Santana stated, irritated at both Quinn for the statement and herself for her inability to leave despite everything Quinn had done and admitted to.
Quinn looked up questioningly and Santana flinched back at the tears swimming in her best friends eyes, though she held her gaze intently for a long minute. Trying to encourage herself to leave, she purposefully thought back to what Quinn had done and what could potentially happen should the blonde choose to pursue Brittany. She figured that making herself angry at Quinn would put a stop to her worry and quell the urge to move forward and hug her best friend as tightly as she could to rid her of the tears. Needless to say it didn’t work and instead Santana found herself blinking back her own tears. She swallowed heavily against the lump in her throat before taking a faltering step back “I-I have to go.”
Quinn tearfully watched as Santana turned and fled the room. Hearing the tell tale sign of the door closing behind the Latina, she pulled the blanket to her chin and screwed her eyes shut, allowing her tears to flow freely.
XxQRBSQRBSxX
Brittany was brushing her fingertips lightly over a sleeping Rachel’s tear stained cheek when she heard the door downstairs slam. She startled at the sound, her fingers stilling in their steady sweeping motion. The light motion had allowed her to focus on her own thoughts so the external sound came with a jolt of surprise. Rachel whimpered softly at the interruption, curling closer towards Brittany so that she ended up pressed flush against the taller girls front. Brittany smiled warmly and wrapped her arm around Rachel’s back to lightly caress her hair.
“Hey.”
Brittany looked up to see Santana standing in the doorway, her posture tense and her hands shaking ever so slightly at her sides “Hi.”
Santana took in the sight before her, a small inquisitive smile tugging at her lips “I take it she fell asleep?” her brow furrowed when Brittany’s expression darkened into a frown “What’s wrong?”
Brittany carefully untangled herself from Rachel’s tight grip and stood up from the bed before walking past Santana out of the room, obviously expecting the Latina to follow her.
Santana glanced at Rachel as she moved to the position Brittany had been occupying and wrapped her arms around the pillow, apparently seeking the blonde out even in her unconcious state. It was only then that Santana noticed the tear tracks on Rachel’s flushed cheeks, indicating a heavy bout of sobbing had recently occurred. She sighed at the sad sight and turned to join Brittany in the hallway, closing the door gently behind her “She’s been crying.”
Brittany nodded, looking beyond troubled “She cried herself to sleep again.” There was a moment of silence during which Brittany observed Santana carefully “You’ve been crying too.”
“Oh…yeah.” Santana shrugged sheepishly and lifted her hand to wipe her cheeks, only for her hand to be gently swatted away by Brittany’s as she moved to do the same thing. Santana quivered slightly as Brittany’s thumb brushed tenderly over the tear dampened skin under her eye.
“What’s wrong?” Brittany murmured worriedly when she noticed the reaction the simple touch invoked. She stilled her hand but made no move to pull it away, instead allowing it to lightly rest on Santana’s left cheek “San?”
Santana exhaled slowly before she took Brittany’s hand in her own and lightly kissed her palm “Nothing Britt. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Brittany argued “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Santana bit her lip nervously and glanced around for somewhere they could talk more easily, without having to worry about waking up Rachel. Spotting an open door, she lightly pulled Brittany into the room before reluctantly releasing her hand “I went to see Quinn.”
Brittany looked stunned by the revelation and she merely stared at Santana for a moment before replying “But I thought you said she needs some time to come to terms with everything and if she’s ignoring us it means she needs to be alone so we shouldn’t go over there…?”
“I did.” Santana responded guiltily.
“Well, is she okay?” Brittany asked in concern.
“She’s…” Santana paused for a moment, unsure of how to put Quinn’s state into words “Sad. She’s sad but she’s trying not to show it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” Brittany questioned in a wounded tone of voice “I told you I need to make sure she’s okay. She’ll need us.”
“I’m sorry Britt.” Santana rushed to apologize “I needed to talk to Quinn about something important and someone needed to stay with Rachel so…”
“What were you talking about?” Brittany replied, looking somewhat put out but not as much as before.
Santana hesitated for a minute before responding honestly “You.”
“Me? Why?”
Santana shifted uncomfortably at the question, torn between telling the truth and her fear of revealing Quinn’s feelings only for Brittany to leave her “You do love me, right?”
“Of course I love you.” Brittany answered quickly. Noticing Santana’s bottom lip was beginning to tremble she stepped forward and cupped her girlfriends cheeks “Santana? Why are you asking that?”
“Do you love me more than you love her?” Santana asked tearfully, unconciously lifting her hands to grasp Brittany’s wrists “If she wanted you, would you leave me?”
Brittany gaped at Santana speechlessly for a moment before firmly shaking her head, though she didn’t quite understand where the question was coming from “Santana, I love you…”
“You love her.” Santana pointed out emotionally.
Brittany opened her mouth to protest but promptly shut it again.
“I do love her.” Brittany admitted in a whisper.
A soft sob escaped Santana’s throat at the admission and she moved to pull away from Brittany, only to find that the blonde’s grip was too tight.
“You’re going to leave me.” Santana tearfully stated as she attempted to squirm away.
“I love you.” Brittany repeated patiently, maintaining her light grip in order to keep Santana close “I love you more than anyone else in this world, remember?”
Santana finally stilled in Brittany’s light embrace and peered at her through nervous eyes “Even Quinn?”
Brittany hesitated to reply and for the first time, her gaze flatered.
“I knew it.” Santana muttered when Brittany glanced guiltily to the side, obviously reluctant to answer the question. Her tears thickened so much that her vision became blurry and she struggled to escape from Brittany’s hold. After a couple of seconds however, she felt herself being pulled forward and suddenly Brittany was kissing her fiercely, hands moving from her face to tangle into her free flowing hair. Depite her continuing tears Santana returned the kiss just as hurriedly, her hands fisting into Brittany’s shirt to tug her as close as possible as their tongues fought for dominance. Eventually Brittany slowed the kiss down to a gentler pace before pulling breathlessly away to rest her forehead against Santana’s “E-even Quinn.”
“You’re not leaving me?” Santana checked carefully, her hands still clutching Brittany tightly against her.
“I’m never going to leave you.” Brittany said sincerely. She leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Santana’s lips “I promise.”
Santana smiled weakly though she didn’t look very convinced.
Brittany herself wasn’t too happy about having to say that about Quinn, but she had sensed that for some reason, saying it was the only way to calm Santana down.
“Sorry.” Santana apologised sheepishly as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek. There was a moment of silence between them before she changed the subject “Let’s go to bed.”
“But Rachel is in my bed.” Brittany stated in confusion as she allowed herself to be pulled from the room.
Santana didn’t respond for a long moment as she pushed the door to Brittany’s room open and stepped inside. Finally, her voice lowered to a whisper she replied as she bent down to pull her shoes off “I meant to sleep Britt. The bed is big enough for all three of us.” With that said she slipped into the bed behind Rachel and shuffled close to her back.
Brittany nodded silently as she kicked her own shoes off before resuming her own position in front of Rachel. Almost instantly Rachel’s arm wrapped around Brittany’s stomach to pull her close, a contented sigh escaping her lips.
“Are you okay?” Brittany asked quietly as she glanced at Santana over Rachel’s head. She could sense the tense atmosphere and the look on Santana’s face made it clear to Brittany that she was thinking about something.
“I’m fine…just tired.” Santana smiled weakly at Brittany before closing her eyes and shifting closer to Rachel, slinging an arm lightly across her chest. They fell silent for a few long minutes and Santana was sure that Brittany had drifted off the sleep, leaving her with her own worried thoughts.
“I have to see her.” Brittany murmured suddenly into the stillness.
Santana felt her heart clench in her chest, a combination of alarm and hurt hitting her but she had been expecting the statement so she merely hummed in response. She felt Brittany’s hand slip into her own, their fingers automatically entwining and couldn’t help but feel slightly reassured despite the sombre thoughts in her head.
TBC
Any spelling mistakes are my own (my spell check is broken for some reason).
Chapter 7
Santana begrudgingly stepped out of her car and closed the door before leaning back against it to stare up at the large house in front of her. Quinn’s house. She half wanted to get back in the car and drive away…to ignore the problem at hand but it had been eating away at her since Quinn had broken up with Rachel and she could no longer ignore the need to do something about it. With a heavy sigh Santana pushed herself away from the car and walked up the pathway to press her index finger firmly against the doorbell.
The day hadn’t been the greatest. She had gotten into a minor argument with Brittany earlier that morning regarding who else but Quinn Fabray due to her own fear induced irritability (which she had hurried to apologise for) and the fact Rachel being miserable was making both Santana and Brittany miserable as well. To top it all off, Quinn had been absent from school that day and the previous day, meaning they hadn’t seen her for four whole days including the weekend and she wasn’t answering their calls or texts. Though she wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, Santana was getting really worried about Quinn’s wellbeing.
“Come on…” she muttered as she hit the doorbell with the palm of her hand. She waited for a minute before stepping back from the door and walking over to the window. She tried to peak through the curtains but the only thing she managed to catch sight of was a blonde head resting on the arm of the couch “Quinn!” Santana tapped on the window but the form on the couch didn’t seem to even flinch “Fabray, open the fucking door!”
Still there was no answer and Santana took a step back, her stomach churning nervously. She generally wasn’t the kind of person to overreact to the sight of somebody being at home but not answering the door but recent events and the fact that Quinn wasn’t the most stable or rational of people when going through something as emotionally wounding as a breakup or unrequited love situation caused her to be slightly alarmed.
“Quinn, open the door or I swear I’ll kick it…” she trailed off, recalling that she didn’t actually have to do anything as drastic as attempting to kick the door down. Instead she knelt down on the ground and felt around behind the flowerpot situated next to the door. Feeling the small gap she was looking for in the wall, she slipped her finger inside and pressed against the side before pulling it back out. With a triumphant “Ha!” she stood back up with a key in her hand and proceeded to unlock the front door.
“Quinn?” Santana called over the sound of the TV in the other room as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Recalling the sight from the window, she moved forward and turned a corner, only to see Quinn lying on the couch, her eyes closed and her hands resting on her stomach while the TV played in the background.
“Quinn.” Santana stated loudly as she stepped forward and placed her hand on Quinn’s shoulder to lightly shake her. She released a sigh of relief when Quinn’s forehead crinkled at the disturbance and her hand was slapped lightly away. There was a moment of stillness before Quinn shot up into a seated position, seemingly remembering that she had been alone in the house before she had drifted off to sleep.
“Santana?” she blinked rapidly as her gaze landed on the latina “H-how did you get into my house?!”
“Spare key.” Santana answered simply as she held the item up between two fingers.
Quinn quickly grabbed the key from Santana’s hand and moved back across the couch “Why did you use it? That’s trespassing you know.”
“I saw you through the window.” Santana shrugged sheepishly “Thought you were unconcious or dead or something.”
“Why would you think I was d…you know what? Nevermind.” Quinn shook her head in confused disbelief “You can see that I’m very much alive so you can leave now, okay? I’m fine.”
Santana cast a quick look around the room, noting the three mostly empty bottles of wine on the table and the junk food that littered the floor, varying from empty Ben and Jerry’s ice cream containers to empty packets of chips and bottles of soda. She even noticed a couple of pizza boxes carelessly dropped onto the floor next to the couch “You don’t seem fine if your junk food binge is anything to go by.”
“So what if I’m not?” Quinn asked as she pulled her knees to her chest, taking the blanket on them with her “You have no reason to care right now after everything I’ve done.”
“So this is some kind of pity party?” Santana asked expectantly. She gestured around the room before turning back to Quinn who looked slightly wounded by the statement. Santana felt a twinge of guilt and internally rolling her eyes at herself, she changed the subject “Whatever. Where’s your Mom anyway? Doesn’t she usually go ape shit crazy when you mess up her pristine house?”
“She’s away for a week.” Quinn answered monotonously “She’ll be back in a couple of days apparently.”
“She left you alone?” Santana asked sceptically.
“It’s not so bad.” Quinn shrugged “At least this way I can sit around and host my own private ‘pity party’, right?”
Santana winced slightly, wishing she could take what she had said back but unwilling to show any kind of weakness in front of the blonde.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” Quinn questioned softly while Santana pondered what to say in response “You wouldn’t have come here without a reason.”
Santana hesitated for a minute, wary of delving right into the unpleasent conversation at hand. Instead she moved to sit on the arm of the chair, opting to change the subject “You haven’t been at school all week.”
Quinn shrugged listlessly “I didn’t feel like going.”
“You haven’t been answering our phone calls.”
“I didn’t feel like talking to any of you.”
Santana sighed in frustration as it became clear that Quinn wasn’t going to be very responsive during the conversation “You broke up with Rachel.”
“I know I did.”
“She’s a mess right now you know.” Santana stated, her gaze fixed firmly on Quinn. For that reason she didn’t miss Quinn’s flinch or the way her eyes flicked up as if she was focusing on the conversation for the first time “She doesn’t understand what she did to make you break up with her.”
“She didn’t do anything.” Quinn quickly stated “It wasn’t her fault.”
“Then why did you break up with her?” Santana asked hotly “Because I can only think of one reason you would do that and I don’t fucking like it one little bit.”
“How could I stay with her when I’m in love with somebody else, Santana?” Quinn countered meekly “She deserves better than that.”
Santana rolled her eyes at the answer “Give up the martyr act and tell me the truth Quinn.”
“I have told you the truth!” Quinn exclaimed irritably “I can’t be with Rachel while I’m thinking about someone else.”
“Would that be my girlfriend or some other random person you want to fuck instead of your own?” Santana retorted harshly.
“Fuck you Santana!”
“If you remember you already did that once!” Santana practically yelled only to fall silent at the expression on Quinn’s face. Bringing the subject of that night up had been strictly forbidden since it had happened and it was obvious from the look on her face that Quinn was still very much confused about what had occured. Santana felt bad about bringing the subject up but she was never the kind of person to back down from an argument just to apologise so she pressed on, her tone softer than a moment before “Whatever. I just came by to tell you that if you broke up with Rachel so you can chase after Brittany…it’s not going to happen. She’s mine.”
“Talking about her like a posession now?” Quinn asked, her voice soft yet still angry.
“That’s not what I mean and you fucking know it.” Santana scowled
Quinn gave Santana a sceptical look but otherwise she remained silent. She was aware that what she was suggesting was far from the truth but she couldn’t think of anything else to say in her defence.
“Brittany wouldn’t leave me for you anyway.” Santana spoke up, her voice slightly shaky “Even if she did know about this…she loves me. She would never leave me for you…for anyone.”
“Are you sure about that?” Quinn asked before she could stop herself.
Santana lurched onto her feet at the question, causing Quinn to flinch back “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
Quinn swallowed heavily, finding that she didn’t have the emotional stength to clash with Santana in the way she usually would. At least when they usually fought, they clashed fairly but at that moment Quinn was metaphrically on her knees and the only blows she could land were low and unfair. She really hadn’t meant to suggest that Brittany didn’t love Santana and the idea itself was nothing but laughable to her, however she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her mouth “It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that she loves you.”
Santana’s eyes flashed dangerously “Fuck. You, Fabray.” She glared at Quinn for a moment before shaking her head in disbelief “You’re supposed to be my best friend. You’re not supposed to be the person who points out the face that I don’t deserve Brittany. Don’t you think I already fucking know that? Don’t you think I tell myself the same…?” her voice cracked midsentence but she pressed on angrily after only a moment of hesitation “…the same thing every freaking day?” she paused for a moment, slightly embarrased by her emotional outburst “Just stay the hell away from us, alright?” without missing a beat she spun on her heel and started to walk away.
“Santana!” Quinn scrambled to lurch forward and grasp Santana’s wrist,effectively tugging her back “Wait. Wait, I’m sorry.” When Santana merely stared at her she continued meekly “I’m sorry. Please don’t go…I don’t want to lose our friendship over this San. You, Britt and Rachel are all I have.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you told me you were In love with Britt and dumped Rachel.” Santana said accusingly.
“I know…I’m sorry.” Quinn mumrured as she released Santana’s wrist “I can’t help how I feel though and I can’t betray Rachel by staying with her. I respect and care about her way too much to emotionally cheat on her.”
“But you don’t love her?” Santana asked curiously.
“I do love her.” Quinn disagreed vehemently “Of course I love her.”
“So you’re not in love with her?”
“I am…but I’m in love with Brittany too.”
“Right.”
Santana looked as if the statement had wounded her for a deeper reason than Quinn saying that she was in love with her girlfriend though the latter wasn’t sure why.
“I won’t do anything.” Quinn said sincerely “Maybe you won’t believe this right now and maybe you don’t feel the same way back anymore but…You’re my best friend and I love you, okay San? I would never hurt you like that.”
“You already have.” Santana muttered, turning her gaze down to the floor.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Santana answered quickly, forcing herself to ignore the bubbling emotion in her chest “Look I should go…Brittany and Rachel will be waiting for me or something.”
“So you and Brittany are still hanging out with Rachel?” Quinn asked in a tone filled with both concern and hope.
“Of course we are.” Santana answered, sounding slightly irritated “We’re her best friends. We wouldn’t just abandon her, especially right now.”
Quinn huffed a bitter laugh and glanced down at her lap.
“We haven’t abandoned you either, Q.” Santana said as if she could tell exactly what Quinn was thinking just from her reaction “You refuse to talk to us, not the other way around.”
“How is she?” Quinn whispered emotionally.
“She’s a mess.” Santana answered honestly “She misses you like crazy, she thinks she did something to make you stop loving her and she cries all of the time which of course makes Brittany cry, which makes Rachel cry even more.” She rolled her eyes, a tiny hint of a troubled smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she thought back to the image of Rachel encased tightly in Brittany’s arms, the latter trying as best she could to comfort Rachel through her own tears “It would be sweet if it wasn’t so depressing.”
Quinn’s eyes misted slightly at the revelation “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
Santana shifted uncomfortably at the sight of Quinn’s tears and clenched her fists at her sides in an attempt to resist the urge to reach out to the clearly hurting blonde “You should be telling her that, not me.”
“No. I-I can’t.” Quinn shook her head adamently, allowing her tears to fall freely “Where is she right now, anyway?”
“She’s with Brittany.” Santana responded cautiously “She sticks closer to us now than she did before you broke up with her.”
“Good…” Quinn mumbled, lifting her hand to dash tears from her cheeks “That’s good.”
A tense silence fell over them, both girls averting their eyes and neither sure of what else there was to say.
“I should go.” Santana finally spoke up “I told them I would meet them at Brittany’s place after I picked something up from mine.”
“You didn’t tell them you were coming here than?” Quinn asked quietly.
Santana shook her head “It would only have upset Rachel and Brittany would have wanted…”
“What?” Quinn asked, a hint of hope in her voice.
“She would have wanted to see you.” Santana replied warily “She’s worried about you.”
“Oh.” Quinn muttered before thoughtfully biting her lip. Part of her wished that Brittany had come with Santana because she missed her fellow blonde like crazy but another part of her was glad that Brittany had stayed away.
“I should go.” Santana said again, though she made no move towards the doorway. Instead she merely lingered unsurely in front of the tearful blonde on the couch.
“Right.” Quinn sighed.
Santana took a step back but she was slightly hesitant to move too far away “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”
“Do you still care?” Quinn asked quietly. She was met with a blank stare and she shrugged in response “I guess.”
“You guess?” Santana echoed, concern filling her voice “You don’t sound sure.”
Quinn shrugged numbly in response “Don’t worry about it.”
Santana opened her mouth to speak but promptly closed it again, realising that she really had no idea what to say to the clealry distraught blonde. She glanced between Quinn and the door, torn between leaving and staying to make sure that Quinn was going to be okay.
“You can go.” Quinn encouraged softly “I know you don’t want to be here so just go, okay Santana?”
“You have no idea what I want.” Santana stated, irritated at both Quinn for the statement and herself for her inability to leave despite everything Quinn had done and admitted to.
Quinn looked up questioningly and Santana flinched back at the tears swimming in her best friends eyes, though she held her gaze intently for a long minute. Trying to encourage herself to leave, she purposefully thought back to what Quinn had done and what could potentially happen should the blonde choose to pursue Brittany. She figured that making herself angry at Quinn would put a stop to her worry and quell the urge to move forward and hug her best friend as tightly as she could to rid her of the tears. Needless to say it didn’t work and instead Santana found herself blinking back her own tears. She swallowed heavily against the lump in her throat before taking a faltering step back “I-I have to go.”
Quinn tearfully watched as Santana turned and fled the room. Hearing the tell tale sign of the door closing behind the Latina, she pulled the blanket to her chin and screwed her eyes shut, allowing her tears to flow freely.
XxQRBSQRBSxX
Brittany was brushing her fingertips lightly over a sleeping Rachel’s tear stained cheek when she heard the door downstairs slam. She startled at the sound, her fingers stilling in their steady sweeping motion. The light motion had allowed her to focus on her own thoughts so the external sound came with a jolt of surprise. Rachel whimpered softly at the interruption, curling closer towards Brittany so that she ended up pressed flush against the taller girls front. Brittany smiled warmly and wrapped her arm around Rachel’s back to lightly caress her hair.
“Hey.”
Brittany looked up to see Santana standing in the doorway, her posture tense and her hands shaking ever so slightly at her sides “Hi.”
Santana took in the sight before her, a small inquisitive smile tugging at her lips “I take it she fell asleep?” her brow furrowed when Brittany’s expression darkened into a frown “What’s wrong?”
Brittany carefully untangled herself from Rachel’s tight grip and stood up from the bed before walking past Santana out of the room, obviously expecting the Latina to follow her.
Santana glanced at Rachel as she moved to the position Brittany had been occupying and wrapped her arms around the pillow, apparently seeking the blonde out even in her unconcious state. It was only then that Santana noticed the tear tracks on Rachel’s flushed cheeks, indicating a heavy bout of sobbing had recently occurred. She sighed at the sad sight and turned to join Brittany in the hallway, closing the door gently behind her “She’s been crying.”
Brittany nodded, looking beyond troubled “She cried herself to sleep again.” There was a moment of silence during which Brittany observed Santana carefully “You’ve been crying too.”
“Oh…yeah.” Santana shrugged sheepishly and lifted her hand to wipe her cheeks, only for her hand to be gently swatted away by Brittany’s as she moved to do the same thing. Santana quivered slightly as Brittany’s thumb brushed tenderly over the tear dampened skin under her eye.
“What’s wrong?” Brittany murmured worriedly when she noticed the reaction the simple touch invoked. She stilled her hand but made no move to pull it away, instead allowing it to lightly rest on Santana’s left cheek “San?”
Santana exhaled slowly before she took Brittany’s hand in her own and lightly kissed her palm “Nothing Britt. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Brittany argued “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Santana bit her lip nervously and glanced around for somewhere they could talk more easily, without having to worry about waking up Rachel. Spotting an open door, she lightly pulled Brittany into the room before reluctantly releasing her hand “I went to see Quinn.”
Brittany looked stunned by the revelation and she merely stared at Santana for a moment before replying “But I thought you said she needs some time to come to terms with everything and if she’s ignoring us it means she needs to be alone so we shouldn’t go over there…?”
“I did.” Santana responded guiltily.
“Well, is she okay?” Brittany asked in concern.
“She’s…” Santana paused for a moment, unsure of how to put Quinn’s state into words “Sad. She’s sad but she’s trying not to show it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?” Brittany questioned in a wounded tone of voice “I told you I need to make sure she’s okay. She’ll need us.”
“I’m sorry Britt.” Santana rushed to apologize “I needed to talk to Quinn about something important and someone needed to stay with Rachel so…”
“What were you talking about?” Brittany replied, looking somewhat put out but not as much as before.
Santana hesitated for a minute before responding honestly “You.”
“Me? Why?”
Santana shifted uncomfortably at the question, torn between telling the truth and her fear of revealing Quinn’s feelings only for Brittany to leave her “You do love me, right?”
“Of course I love you.” Brittany answered quickly. Noticing Santana’s bottom lip was beginning to tremble she stepped forward and cupped her girlfriends cheeks “Santana? Why are you asking that?”
“Do you love me more than you love her?” Santana asked tearfully, unconciously lifting her hands to grasp Brittany’s wrists “If she wanted you, would you leave me?”
Brittany gaped at Santana speechlessly for a moment before firmly shaking her head, though she didn’t quite understand where the question was coming from “Santana, I love you…”
“You love her.” Santana pointed out emotionally.
Brittany opened her mouth to protest but promptly shut it again.
“I do love her.” Brittany admitted in a whisper.
A soft sob escaped Santana’s throat at the admission and she moved to pull away from Brittany, only to find that the blonde’s grip was too tight.
“You’re going to leave me.” Santana tearfully stated as she attempted to squirm away.
“I love you.” Brittany repeated patiently, maintaining her light grip in order to keep Santana close “I love you more than anyone else in this world, remember?”
Santana finally stilled in Brittany’s light embrace and peered at her through nervous eyes “Even Quinn?”
Brittany hesitated to reply and for the first time, her gaze flatered.
“I knew it.” Santana muttered when Brittany glanced guiltily to the side, obviously reluctant to answer the question. Her tears thickened so much that her vision became blurry and she struggled to escape from Brittany’s hold. After a couple of seconds however, she felt herself being pulled forward and suddenly Brittany was kissing her fiercely, hands moving from her face to tangle into her free flowing hair. Depite her continuing tears Santana returned the kiss just as hurriedly, her hands fisting into Brittany’s shirt to tug her as close as possible as their tongues fought for dominance. Eventually Brittany slowed the kiss down to a gentler pace before pulling breathlessly away to rest her forehead against Santana’s “E-even Quinn.”
“You’re not leaving me?” Santana checked carefully, her hands still clutching Brittany tightly against her.
“I’m never going to leave you.” Brittany said sincerely. She leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Santana’s lips “I promise.”
Santana smiled weakly though she didn’t look very convinced.
Brittany herself wasn’t too happy about having to say that about Quinn, but she had sensed that for some reason, saying it was the only way to calm Santana down.
“Sorry.” Santana apologised sheepishly as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek. There was a moment of silence between them before she changed the subject “Let’s go to bed.”
“But Rachel is in my bed.” Brittany stated in confusion as she allowed herself to be pulled from the room.
Santana didn’t respond for a long moment as she pushed the door to Brittany’s room open and stepped inside. Finally, her voice lowered to a whisper she replied as she bent down to pull her shoes off “I meant to sleep Britt. The bed is big enough for all three of us.” With that said she slipped into the bed behind Rachel and shuffled close to her back.
Brittany nodded silently as she kicked her own shoes off before resuming her own position in front of Rachel. Almost instantly Rachel’s arm wrapped around Brittany’s stomach to pull her close, a contented sigh escaping her lips.
“Are you okay?” Brittany asked quietly as she glanced at Santana over Rachel’s head. She could sense the tense atmosphere and the look on Santana’s face made it clear to Brittany that she was thinking about something.
“I’m fine…just tired.” Santana smiled weakly at Brittany before closing her eyes and shifting closer to Rachel, slinging an arm lightly across her chest. They fell silent for a few long minutes and Santana was sure that Brittany had drifted off the sleep, leaving her with her own worried thoughts.
“I have to see her.” Brittany murmured suddenly into the stillness.
Santana felt her heart clench in her chest, a combination of alarm and hurt hitting her but she had been expecting the statement so she merely hummed in response. She felt Brittany’s hand slip into her own, their fingers automatically entwining and couldn’t help but feel slightly reassured despite the sombre thoughts in her head.
TBC