My crappy Christmas
Well, I just read polarisdib's lj and he mentioned he didn't have that great of Christmas. I feel the same way! I don't usually cry on a holiday like Christmas but yesterday was an exception. I suppose my crappy holiday season started 2 weeks ago when I slipped and broke my foot. This immediately brought my holiday season to a halt. I can’t work for at least 6 weeks. It maybe longer depending if I need surgery which I will find out later this week. This kind of puts a damper on the finances considering my boyfriend works at a golf course and this is his off season. His parents were nice enough to pay our mortgage this month ($1000) as our Christmas gift instead of giving us money because of the accident. Moving on… I have been bedridden and unable to go shopping at all and I wasn’t even able to put up our Christmas tree. Other things that pissed me off this Christmas:
1).Saturday I finally left the house for the first time and made the trek to my boyfriend’s parent’s house in the mountains. Let’s just say that their house is not set up for someone in a wheelchair or on crutches. The movie watching room (where I would be sleeping) is downstairs two flights. The dining room/living room area for dinners and gift giving is upstairs. (15 minutes for me to climb either direction!) Basically I spent the whole day and a half maneuvering the steps to be with everyone to find within minutes everyone found something else to do on the opposite floor! Most of the day I spent by myself talking to no one but could hear the hoots of laughter and conversation going on else where in the house. If someone would suggest popping in a movie and I would agree, it would never get put in the DVD player and the next minute I would find myself alone once again. You get the picture.
2). Like I mentioned earlier my boyfriend’s parents paid our mortgage for us and we felt kind of bad because they don’t have tons of extra money lying around. They said not to worry we would all have a nice Christmas and we wouldn’t exchange a lot of gifts we would just spend some quality time together (see above). Well we begin to open our gifts that included over $350 worth of gift certificates. It’s not that we’re not grateful but at one point my boyfriend and I were like “Hello - we already got $1000 for Christmas I thought that was our gift and we weren’t going to get much else!” It just made me feel guilty and like crap because I know they don’t have the money. His Mom said that his Dad had just sold another contract so they had gotten a check that week. That’s fine and all but his business is feast or famine and it might be months until he gets another one. Also, who’s to say if we can make our bills next month and then we need their help again. I hate being a fucking charity case. I had to take an incomplete in one class because I couldn’t physically make it to my final. I hope I won’t have a hold on my school loans!
3). I figured out where my relationship is with my brother and his family. I sent everyone in my family gift certificates because I couldn’t go shopping. My boyfriend was kind enough to go round town and pick them up and send them off. I didn’t spend a lot but we got them all something. I sent my niece and nephew both $25 gift cards to Toys R Us and my brother and his wife $50 gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond since they just moved into their new house. They usually send us both gifts but for some reason this year they sent us a Christmas card with a picture of the two kids - that’s it! I was a bit surprised but you know the whole ‘better to give’ thing. Well, I phoned home and everyone was at the house. Everyone I spoke to was nice and they all thanked me for the stuff we sent. Then I spoke to my brother, his wife and my nephew in that order. (my niece is only two so it was pointless to try and talk on the phone) The point being, is not one of the three even acknowledged the fact that we even sent them anything. Not even a hint of a thank you. This really fucking pissed me off when they make $100,000 plus a year and are very well off. They KNOW I am not working right now and I have a broken foot (not to mention no health insurance). I know it was only $100 worth of gifts we sent them but that is a lot for us right now! At least they could say Thank You! I am sorry but where the hell was the Mom in all this. She should have been right there when she handed the phone to my nephew and told him “Say thank you to Aunt Jenny for your gift”. I mean that is how my brother and I were raised! Yeah, I didn’t thank them but they DIDN’T GET US ANYTHING! Well this ended the phone conversation and I hung up and started to cry because this really hurt my feelings. But as you have read from above there was no one around to see or talk to about this.
4). Later that night I talked to one of my friends on the phone and I found out one of my close friends came into town over the weekend on spur of the moment. I was surprised that she left and came without even trying to call me. I had just spoken to her a week ago and she was depressed and crying and she told me I was the only one she could talk to etc. (you know the kind of conversation) Well it made me upset that she didn’t even try and see me but saw everyone else knowing that I just broke my foot. This sent me off again. My boyfriend tried to make me feel better but I didn’t. He tried to remind me that the doctor said I would begin to get depressed since I would spend most of the next 6 weeks helpless and immobile. Somehow reminding me I have 4 more weeks of this shit didn’t really lift my spirits.
I would love to say I have New Year’s Eve to look forward to but I will probably spend that here. Alone and by myself what else is new?