Paper Wings, Ch. 5
Sorry it took so long, Maddie.
And, sorry it's short.
I'm trying.
“Writing something new?” Kevin asked softly, not bothering to knock on Nick’s door before wandering in.
Nick looked up at him, brown eyes full of love and sadness. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even smile. He didn’t need to. Kevin knew him well enough. Instead, he turned back to his keyboard, gently pressing the keys, filling the room with soft music. He had been playing something original. He wasn’t now. Kevin recognized it as a Coldplay song. “I’m working on something for Joe.” He said quietly. “I want to have something special to play for him when we get to talk to him again.”
It had been a week since they’d heard from him. They understood that he was on a strict schedule, that he didn’t have much access to a telephone to be able to speak with them. They did get a letter from him, in which he made several crude jokes and said he missed them thirteen times. It wasn’t the same as hearing his voice, and certainly not the same as being able to hold him, but they took what they could.
“Can I help?” Kevin sat down next to him, his hand settling in its exclusive place on the small of his back.
“I want to do it myself.” Nick’s voice was soft but firm as he leaned back against his brother’s shoulder. “Can I sing it for you?”
Kevin smiled. “Of course, love.”
------------------
Joe wrote them a lot of letters. He wrote at least three a day, each time he had a chance to sit somewhere alone. He’d been gone for seven days, and had already filled an entire notebook with words for them - lyrics, jokes, “I love you,” “I miss you.”
Only one of those letters had been sent. He kept most of them for himself, to remind him that he did have someone waiting for him, missing him. And, he didn’t want them to think he was suffering. That would make it so much harder for them.
He thought about them constantly. He didn’t know what to do. Every time he turned around to find that neither of them was at his side, he ached. It was like having a knife slice through stitches, just so they had to be sewn up all over again. He couldn’t be happy, satisfied, with his decision, because they weren’t there with him. He couldn’t be happy about anything if they weren’t with him.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t chosen this. He and his father had discussed the pros and cons of this decision for hours and days and months before he had finally enlisted. Not telling his brothers had been his father’s idea. He thought it would be best for him to make the choice without them.
Joe thought bitterly that he wanted that because he knew Kevin and Nick could change his mind. If they had told him they didn’t want him to go, he wouldn’t have. The idea would have been scrapped, because they were the only two that were important.
It had been his decision, but not wholly. His father had pushed it, said it would give him discipline, would show him what it was like to be someone doing something real and making a difference. Joe wasn’t sure he believed that. He had always thought he’d always been making a difference.
In reality, he believed he wanted him as far away as Nick and Kevin as possible. There was no way their family didn’t understand the nature of their relationship. They weren’t secretive. They were proud and happy and in love and, while they didn’t profess that, they made no point of hiding it. They held each other a little too long in hugs good night, they kissed in passing, they touched when it wasn’t needed. Their father couldn’t stand it, and Joe wasn’t stupid enough to think that wasn’t why he was here now.
He’d come of his own accord too. He wanted to give Nick and Kevin a chance. It wouldn’t be tolerated forever. He knew that, and he was sure his brothers did too. They couldn’t go on loving each other so much without society or just their parents telling them they couldn’t anymore. He was being torn apart, but he was also learning to live without them.
He wanted them to learn how to live without him too.
And, sorry it's short.
I'm trying.
“Writing something new?” Kevin asked softly, not bothering to knock on Nick’s door before wandering in.
Nick looked up at him, brown eyes full of love and sadness. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even smile. He didn’t need to. Kevin knew him well enough. Instead, he turned back to his keyboard, gently pressing the keys, filling the room with soft music. He had been playing something original. He wasn’t now. Kevin recognized it as a Coldplay song. “I’m working on something for Joe.” He said quietly. “I want to have something special to play for him when we get to talk to him again.”
It had been a week since they’d heard from him. They understood that he was on a strict schedule, that he didn’t have much access to a telephone to be able to speak with them. They did get a letter from him, in which he made several crude jokes and said he missed them thirteen times. It wasn’t the same as hearing his voice, and certainly not the same as being able to hold him, but they took what they could.
“Can I help?” Kevin sat down next to him, his hand settling in its exclusive place on the small of his back.
“I want to do it myself.” Nick’s voice was soft but firm as he leaned back against his brother’s shoulder. “Can I sing it for you?”
Kevin smiled. “Of course, love.”
------------------
Joe wrote them a lot of letters. He wrote at least three a day, each time he had a chance to sit somewhere alone. He’d been gone for seven days, and had already filled an entire notebook with words for them - lyrics, jokes, “I love you,” “I miss you.”
Only one of those letters had been sent. He kept most of them for himself, to remind him that he did have someone waiting for him, missing him. And, he didn’t want them to think he was suffering. That would make it so much harder for them.
He thought about them constantly. He didn’t know what to do. Every time he turned around to find that neither of them was at his side, he ached. It was like having a knife slice through stitches, just so they had to be sewn up all over again. He couldn’t be happy, satisfied, with his decision, because they weren’t there with him. He couldn’t be happy about anything if they weren’t with him.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t chosen this. He and his father had discussed the pros and cons of this decision for hours and days and months before he had finally enlisted. Not telling his brothers had been his father’s idea. He thought it would be best for him to make the choice without them.
Joe thought bitterly that he wanted that because he knew Kevin and Nick could change his mind. If they had told him they didn’t want him to go, he wouldn’t have. The idea would have been scrapped, because they were the only two that were important.
It had been his decision, but not wholly. His father had pushed it, said it would give him discipline, would show him what it was like to be someone doing something real and making a difference. Joe wasn’t sure he believed that. He had always thought he’d always been making a difference.
In reality, he believed he wanted him as far away as Nick and Kevin as possible. There was no way their family didn’t understand the nature of their relationship. They weren’t secretive. They were proud and happy and in love and, while they didn’t profess that, they made no point of hiding it. They held each other a little too long in hugs good night, they kissed in passing, they touched when it wasn’t needed. Their father couldn’t stand it, and Joe wasn’t stupid enough to think that wasn’t why he was here now.
He’d come of his own accord too. He wanted to give Nick and Kevin a chance. It wouldn’t be tolerated forever. He knew that, and he was sure his brothers did too. They couldn’t go on loving each other so much without society or just their parents telling them they couldn’t anymore. He was being torn apart, but he was also learning to live without them.
He wanted them to learn how to live without him too.