The Dirt Whispered, Ch. 2
A nurse tells me when I get to the house today that Kevin’s been running a fever for the past couple of days. She says it’s nothing serious, as we walk down the hall, that there’s a bug going around, and his immune system isn’t at its best. He hasn’t been as strong since his stint in the hospital, when we couldn’t get him to eat; getting sick isn’t really a new development since he’s gotten here, but it still upsets me when he can’t even leave his bed when I come.
He lifts his head when I come into his room, and his face is flushed, but his eyes are bright. “Joe.” It sounds like a sob, and I know he doesn’t feel well, just from that. He doesn’t cry much anymore.
I hurry to his side, kneeling on the floor so I can be level with him. I stroke a wandering curl off his forehead, pressing a kiss to his clammy skin. He shivers. “Hey, baby.” I keep my voice soft; his eyes close. “I’m sorry you’re sick. If I had known, I would’ve come sooner.”
“I thought you weren’t coming at all.” He’s really crying now, and he catches my hand, holding it against his lips, even as he speaks. “I had a dream, that you were supposed to come, and I was waiting and waiting, and you never did.”
My heart breaks for him, and I press another kiss to his hair. “You never have to worry about that, babe. Whenever you need me, all you have to do is call me.” I smile faintly at the nurse who enters to room carrying a cup of pills and some water. I take them from her. “Come on; I’ve got some aspirin for you. It’ll make you feel better, okay?”
He nods, and I help him sit up. He curls against me, swallowing the pills, without using the water, and it makes me wince that he’s that adept at taking medicine at this point. “I love you.” The words are meek, like they always are, like he’s afraid I won’t say it back.
I never disappoint him that way though. Even now, he is beautiful and sweet, and somewhere inside of him, he’s still my Kevin, my love. “I love you too, baby.” I push his hair off his face, curling my hand around his face, stroking my thumb across his cheek.
He clutches my shirt, trembling, and I wish he wasn’t so fragile; he used to be the one who held us all up. Now I’m trying to keep him together here, long enough to be able to take him home. “I want to kiss you.” He murmurs, closing his eyes. “But, I don’t want to get you sick.”
“Please. I never get sick; you know that.” I chuckle, flicking my finger under his chin so he’ll lift his head. Our lips meet gently - our first kiss in over a year. I never expected it to be like this, but it would have been naïve of me to believe that we’d have some perfect, romantic reunion, not while he’s sick. Still, it’s sweet, and his tongue twines with mine, and he tastes chalky, like pills, but it’s okay, because I still taste Kevin underneath it.
I lay him back against the pillows, and his fingers curl in my hair, his other hand settling between my shoulder blades, and it seems so different, because it used to be me being pushed onto the bed, him doing the kissing and loving, and for half a moment, I’m glad he got sick, because now I can take care of him like he’s taken care of me all our lives.
“I’m glad you came.” He whispers, and I open my eyes to find him staring at me, and we’re so close, our lips still touching, that I feel like I’m falling into them, and I know it sounds cheesy, but Kevin’s always had that effect on me. They call me Danger, because I fall a lot. I can totally see that being true, because Kevin trips me up, and I fall so far head-over-heels for him that I always end up doing somersaults.
I smile gently at him when I regain use of my body, when I pull myself back from where I was tucking myself into a corner of his soul, where I could admire its beauty without disturbing it, and I press another soft kiss to his mouth. “Any time you want me, I’ll be here. And, when you come home with me, every time you wake up, I’ll be right beside you.”
I still can’t get him to smile, but there’s something about his face that means the same thing, and he nuzzles his nose against my neck, and I hold him close, stroking his hair. He murmurs something, so softly, shyly, that I ask him to repeat himself. “I want to see Nick.”
I don’t respond for a while. For a moment, I really forget how to breathe. I consider refusing the request; if Nick wasn’t so hard on him, Kevin wouldn’t be here. But, then I realize that I made a promise to myself to give Kevin everything he’s ever wanted, and I nod, kissing his forehead. “Anything for you, baby.”
I like to blame Nick for Kevin getting sick, but if I’m completely honest with myself, it wasn’t completely his fault. Sure, what he said to him then wasn’t even a big deal; it was typical diva-Nick being rude and melodramatic, but I think it was sort of the last straw, the breaking point, for Kevin, but the doctors said it was going to come sooner or later anyway. The stress of our lives just pushed it sooner than later.
When we got back to the set that day, for the photo shoot, Nick was pissed off, and that wasn’t really surprising. It wasn’t our best or most responsible move; we’d held up a whole shoot just so we could go make out. Of course he scolded us; we deserved to be scolded. Kevin was apologetic and sweet, like he always was, and I was trying not to laugh. I never ceased to find it funny that I always got chastised by my little brother. I think Nick always sort of resented me for not taking him seriously.
“You’re lucky no one came looking for you.” Nick pointed out, his hands on his hips, and I remember thinking, why aren’t you waving your finger at us, Mother Hen? “I told them I knew where you were; otherwise they would’ve sent an assistant off to find you. Can you imagine how that would’ve gone over?”
He didn’t have to tell us what that was. We knew. But, I just grinned and hooked my arm around Nick’s neck, leading him over toward the backdrop, Kevin following behind us, and I was hyperaware of his presence. When two people are as entwined, body and soul, as Kevin and I are, it’s hard for one person to not feel like they’re connected to all their lover’s senses, as well as their own, and it’s overwhelming, but thrilling, and sometimes, I have those moments, especially now, when Kevin and I don’t get to spend every second of every day together, where I’m like, Timmy’s stuck in a well? And I have to call the hospital to make sure he’s okay. In almost every instance, he’s having a fit, or crying hysterically, or not eating, and he needs me. I know he still has moments when he knows I need him; I wish he could come to be with me at those times.
I was telling Nick he needed to relax, that we’d never gotten caught, and we were always very careful, so we wouldn’t get caught. That was where I know it was partially my fault. See, at almost every photo shoot or interview or party or awards show, there’s always someone just waiting to hear someone say something that they could sell to a rag.
They had nothing on me except that there was something. That was enough.